Yes, it is hard to talk to them sometimes! (sm)
Posted By: Anon - definitely anon!! :-) on 2007-11-20
In Reply to: I wouldn't make them go... - MtMom30
No way will husband do it. He always agrees with her. He thinks the kids should go whether they want to or not.
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Did ya ever just wanna talk about nuthin' just to talk?
As I said before in another post, I miss everyone so much...
So, I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about. Love my new job, love that spring is on the way, and I love that my belly is absolutely filled up with pancakes my husband kindly made for me just now...even though it's lunchtime and not breakfast. I'm one of those freaks that could eat breakfast-type foods at every meal.
...and that reminds me that it's almost that time of year to order some baby chicks for next month. Laying hens, not for meat or anything, just eggs and entertainment. I can't wait for warm weather--it's been a long HARSH winter this year. In fact, I think we're due for another ice storm at the end of the week.
I hope everyone who stops by to read my note about nothing finds themselves and their families in good health. Miss you all, even the ones that can't stand seeing that "Hayseed" name up there.
Go try it, talk, talk and listen sm
Counselors are trained to "listen" and direct you to talk (not them). I have transcribed many, many mental health reports. They do dig deep and keep it going for a very long time, very long, usually (perhaps not for you). But if you both don't tell the truth, you are wasting your money, so why not just get it all out on the table and get it over with and get on with your lives? Don't pussy foot around, get it all out and deal with it. Gosh, life is too short to put on a show, it's not a dress rehearsal, it's life. Go forward, forgive, forget and forge ahead. Don't need a degree for that!! But a little help can't hurt. Might help.
I know how hard it is......sm
I understand what you're saying. God didn't give us the ability to forget, just the strength to get through it. Have you talked with your husband. Does he seem happy to have this child or has he ever said he was sorry for ever wanting that now that the child is here? Maybe if you could hear him say he was sorry for ever wanting that and couldn't imagine your child not being here, maybe that would help. Seeing true remorse in a person goes a long way in helping you deal with this.
Hard to say
If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have married my husband. He and I are not very well suited to each other at all. But then I wouldn't have my wonderful son, so I can't say I entirely regret it. And after 27 years of marriage, my husband and I finally have a great relationship, with the help of an excellent marriage counselor. What's that saying - I've been happily married for 8 years, but we were married 27 years ago. 
I'm sorry - I know it must be hard for you (sm)
I don't have experience with it, but at lesat she is making the decision and you don't have to make it. There are also assisted living facilities that are not so much a nursing home, if you think that would be an option for her. Best wishes to you.
i know it is hard to believe
but I didn't see a pay phone in the dorm. You can get a room phone installed but it is expensive. I guess that is a thought though.
Even if I could contact AIM, I don't think I would. He is 18 and really I can't tell them not to let him use his free account. He's an adult (at least in terms of the law) even if he isn't acting very mature. The way it is now, I can see if he is online and talk to him. If I did something like that he would jsut make up a new screen name that I wouldn't have at all. I just don't think that is a good idea.
This is so hard
Your dog is beautiful. I know how attached you get and how much love these little guys give us.
We just had to go through much the same thing with our 9-year-old lab, Murphy. He got pancreatitis and was very sick, started to get better, but then really took a turn for the worse. He was unable to get up and walk and just cried and cried. After a couple of days, we all decided it was best to have him euthanized. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but none of us could stand to watch him suffer any more. He has had this look in his eyes like he was saying let me go.
Not saying that that is the right decision for you. I think you will know in your heart when it is time. Just try to keep him as comfortable and happy as possible.
My heart goes out to you and Fox.
re: having a hard day/NC MT
It depends on where your degree is from, and where you plan to go to school. If your college credit is from a community college, it should most certainly transfer. You really have to check with a counselor from the school you wish to attend. Good luck!
I'm so sorry...I know it must be so hard (sm)
at least it has only been 8 months though...so you two have no children together, right? No having to beg for sex when you are a newlywed is not normal. I have a lot of marital issues myself thought not similar...please e-mail me if you want to talk!
7 is a hard age sm
Had a 2nd grader who was after much angst by all, diagnosed as gifted. I was able to put him in private school, quieter, excelled at everything, is now an entrepeneur and doctoral candidate. It was not easy to pay the bills, but worked harder than ever. The school had me thinking it was my parenting skills, or lack of them, his behavior, his needing more male positive image, etc., etc. If I had istened to them he would have been put in a special class with those with learning difficulties. All in all, I was crying every day. Took a lot of time and energy. Looking back, his teacher was at fault for mislabeling him and not appreciating his talent. I think he was smarter than she was. We shudder at even the mention of her name. Some don't deserve to be teaching. Don't let her be mislabeled. Thank goodness, I knew someone in the field who tested as I was transcribing his work. It's a very hard road you have in front of you. Don't be discouraged, please. Good luck with it, it's very difficult. Keep examining the whole picture. God bless you.
So sorry. I know this has to be so hard
but she obviously is in a very loving home. Take a little comfort in knowing that you gave her a wonderful life.
it must be hard
person... i mean if you have only felt the need to apologize one time that must be some sort of record. correct me if i'm wrong, but you were apologizing at that particular time even though you were not at fault?
I did it on my own. It was not hard. No one else will
It did take some time to educate myself but it was not difficult. Got Money magazine and started reading. Also read other mags. I did have someone to talk to but could have done it without this person. Also, the investment groups 800 numbers were able to answer questions I had. It was acutally fun, in an odd way, knowing I was taking care of me, without having to pay someone else to do it. And that someone else would also be paid, out of my money, for giving me advice I could find for myself.
It's so hard to know ....
It's so hard to know the truth when these stories are printed in the Enquirer and papers of that kind. I hope this is one of those stories that turn out to be just sensationalism. How sad for him if it isn't!
What's hard is that
we have been keeping all of our kids' college funds in the stockmarket. After a big hit in 2001, they were doing OK. But now that we're really having to use them, the money just isn't there.
I'm wondering if it makes more sense to keep the money in the market (waiting for recovery) and take out a loan for the college tuition.
No wonder it's so hard to get through - and why
And yet US hospitals are trusting confidential data to the people who built that tangled mess. Unbelievable.
It's really hard to tell ...
what the true tones of some of these texts are meant to be.
It seems what I am reading is saying to tell the truth in an abstract way, just not in a personal way.
If anyone cares, my kids are only 4, 5, and 8, so the subject of my experience with alcohol and sex would be totally inappropriate. I was just wondering if anyone had an experience where being truthful with their older kids (18+) about herself was helpful. Apparently not?
me too and its so hard! nm
x
Not too hard for me, either.
I probably only eat meat 3 times a week as it is. I've committed to a vegetarian diet several times before in my life, and kept it up the longest for about 3 years. The thing that pulls me back to the meat eating side is hamburgers. I don't know why, but I love 'em! Really good ones... not fast food "patties". Also, I don't have any issues about not eating animals. I think some animals are quite tasty. But I can do fine without eating them, too. Were I more committed to vegetarian philosophy, I'm sure it would be a different story.
Too hard for me
b
Have a talk with your son
Any discussion or decisions about your son's feelings should be done with your son. This is an ideal situation to guide him in a positive direction. First of all, you are his mother and always will be. She may be doing the parenting tasks for now, and should be respected for giving of herself, but she should not interfere in your relationship with your son. Unfortunately that happens too often in families of divorce these days.
Ask how he feels about what is being said. Ask how he responds to it...or does not not respond at all. There may come a time where he listens to the garbage, then can stand up to her and say, "Aunt _____, I appreciate everything you are doing to help me with letting me stay here. There are some people who would not do what you are doing for me. But, my mom is my mom and I love her. She is always going to be my mom and you are always going to be my aunt. I feel I am lucky to have two different mom figures in my life that I can count on to help me learn how to deal with adult problems."
This sounds really dorky and I'm sorry others were as harsh towards you. I hope you put your own feelings in check and focus on your son's feelings as those being the ones that should be focused upon. He will be coming back to you one day, and everything that happens while he is away will stay with him. How you react is going to have more of an impact than what she says/does, especially when it is negative.
I know something of what you are going through. I am raising my grandchild. My ex's family did not speak to me for 10 years, but now that I have custody of my grandchild, for my ex's sake, they have been more genuinely caring and welcoming to me than my own family. There are a lot of words from the past being swallowed by my ex-SIL. I have proven that beyond myself, my decisions first reflect the best interest of the child. Everyone, even the child, feels it and knows it to be true. From that, respect is being rebuilt.
Good luck to you and your son.
I would talk to him/her
about the symptoms you are having and any family history of illnesses - more than likely they'll do some blood tests to rule out other things first. I had 11 of 18 trigger points on the day of my first visit - you can Google trigger points and it will tell you where some of them are and base it on that - but if your doctor suggests that it is all in your head and you continue to have problems please see another doctor - thankfully my doctor was very understanding and after I kept a log for 3 months of all my symptoms he then referred me on to a rheumatologist and this doctor has been wonderful - I see him every 3 months for routine blood work and medication adjustment if needed - they don't just dope you up on a bunch of narcotics - he also tries behavioral modification along with medicine - so I'm pleased .... Again best wishes.
Definitely talk to him
Sit down with him and tell him very calmly that you feel uncomfortable with this situation and ask him why he feels the need to do this. No matter what he says, keep your cool, and do your best not to say anything to make him feel defensive. Just be very clear about your feelings and your desire for him to stop this behavior.
To be honest, I doubt very much he will change, and I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this situation. The reason I am suggesting that you talk to him about it is to make it clear to him exactly what the problem is so that if/when you seek a divorce, he cannot claim that he didn't know there was a problem.
Internet addiction, particularly internet porn addiction, is a serious problem and is not easily "cured". I'm glad the two of you don't have any children. That will make things much easier, at least when it comes to legalities. Emotionally I know it is devastating, and I am very sorry you are going through this.
Not to talk about it
I have NO problem with the "poor" being treated medically or otherwise -- what I as an "American" have a problem with are ILLEGAL immigrants coming into this country and expecting things to be handed to them on a "silver platter." I have lived in Southern California, Nevada and NOW here in Miami and let me tell you if you DON'T speak Espanol in Miami, you are SOL!!!!!
I have also worked for state and federal agencies where I have seen minorities (excluding Caucasian women) getting preferential treatment.
Granted, this country was built on people immigrating to this country, however, it has now gotten to the point where our children and grandchildren have to learn to speak Spanish as THAT has become "the language of our country" and we as citizens are having all of our rights and laws taken from us -- for example, do a search at the state laws that "passed" as of July 1 -- Virginia's being the worst by far -- as AMERICAN citizens as well, we have by CONSTITUTIONAL law, the right to defend ourselves and our property, but those rights are slipping away as well.
Why? Because "All We Like Sheep" -- we need to learn that doctors and healthcare professionals are like we are -- I had one resident whom I kidded and joked that with his handwriting, he would never make it as a doctor because his writing was too clear -- stand up people for what you believe in -- look at the laws that have been passed and take it to your representatives, and forward -- THEN maybe when the voice gets strong enough, we can be heard as MTs and make a difference
Off DE soapbox for now
Talk
To the teacher, principal, someone at school.
Well of course I have tried to talk to him (sm)
For years...talked and talked, went to counselors, read books, prayed, begged, cried. It's not like I just pretended there wasn't a problem and started talking to other men.
talk a lot,
determine where your hearts and committments are. You can get past this and have a marriage better than ever, if it is what you both determine to do. Time and effort, not to mention prayer, can heal.
I think your best bet would be just to talk with the
facilities themselves. My daughter just had a $5000 medical (ER) bill that my interim insurance chose not to cover because of an exclusion rider (started new job, did not take Cobra but a private policy). I just talked to the hospital personnel and they sent us paper work to fill out to maybe help with the bill. Also, you can set up a payment plan of only $10 a month. As long as you pay it every month, they cannot come after you with bill collectors, anything like that.
Our local news had an article on companies that will negiotiate bills and the like for you, but a lot of them charge fees and are not totally on the up and up.
All this talk below
where my husband and I stand regarding number of times per week/month... whatever. We are in our early 40s and we do at least 3 times a week and he seriously thinks it should be daily. I think he gets it more than most; maybe not.
Talk about HOT!
Man is he hot! What's not to like about him. I heard shortly after he and his wife (don't know if they were married at the time), but they were selling something called "butt art". Like finger painting but with the other end. HA HA HA.
Anyone now a days in Hollywood that will come out and admit they have a problem and get help for them I commend them, unlike policians who hide it. :-)
I just saw him on David Letterman last week. He is still looking great with all the gray. Still as hot as when he first came on the movie scene.
You need to have a talk with him, and tell him what you need.
Regardless of the risk, the choice to take it or not should be yours. Tell him that you NEED this, it's important.
I think you both need to get out and help others, and you will probably get more help out of it than they do. Can you volunteer someplace where there children, or elderly people? Homeless people? You need to stop moping around going oh dear, oh dear all the time, and go help someone who really needs help. It will definitely help your mood and make you feel better.
Do you have any friends, or good neighbors? You don't sound like you have much of a life there, other than working and listening to your husband whine.
do you talk about it?
This place is what I mean....
Sometimes I mention to people, that 'someone on the MTStars' said this or that, and they look at me like I have three heads or something!
I just seem to know lots of people who don't even KNOW what a message board is ... just wondering if it's cause I live up here in the boonies?
Please...I need someone to talk to...sm
Okay, its pity party time. I may need to get a professional's help, but I figured I'd start with you ladies first as you're my "free therapy."
I am feeling really, really guilty about not seeing my dad as much as I "should." So, here's the story. My dad is an alcoholic. He kept it from my mom and I for about 10 years. See, he left when I was in 6th grade and not in the typical "dad just up and leaves" sort of way. He got a job in another city about 5 hours away. I remember we were all really excited about it as it was a really good career move for him. Mom didn't want to move so the "agreement" was that he would come home on the weekends and see us (right). So this turned into seeing him every month, to every couple of months, to about twice a year (thanksgiving and Christmas). Him and mom are still married (don't know how she does it) but I feel such resentment toward him that it is hard for me to go see him. We only live about 15 minutes away from my parents and are in their town a lot to see my husband's family. However, I choose not to go see my father because it is awkward and weird and it stresses me out to the max.
I get to see mom about 3 times a week as we work together (both as transcriptionists) at our local hospital. I love spending time with her, but not with my dad around. I know I'm hurting his feelings when I don't see him but on his birthday, father's day, holidays, etc. He doesn't drink THAT much anymore, a beer or two a day (we think), but it still bothers the heck out of me when I see him drinking. Although it is better than mom and I trying to get him to bed while he is falling down drunk or driving away, getting a DUII, etc. I would never tell him how I feel because I love him and wouldn't hurt him like that. He isn't very healthy (hep C, high BP, neuropathy, etc) and I don't think he'll be around for that much longer. NEway..getting off track...I just need some advice and/or to hear someone else's stories about something like this. I don't know what to do and it is really getting to me. It does feel better to be able to talk to someone about it though (husband doesn't understand and talking to mom about it just makes her feel bad). Thanks ladies for all of your support!!!
I really would not talk to her or help her
in this case. Would you drive her to the bank to deposit you SHOULD have had?
Did you talk to your mom about any of this?
I would talk to her about getting a restraining order against him and possibly pressing charges for the threats and harrassment. I know this may sound extreme, but your dad sounds pretty unstable. I get the idea that maybe you don't want to be the one to turn him in, that's why I suggested you talk to your mom about doing it and go together to do it.
If I remember correctly, you're married, right? Is your husband at all willing to get involved and maybe tell your dad to stop. Maybe he could get through to your dad a little better.
For the short term with the phone calls, I would answer it the first time he calls and tell him before he even starts talking that "I'm working and I will call you when I'm finished." Then hang up and when you are done, call him. Lay out the ground rules during that callback -- i.e. talking about mom is off-limits. Be firm. If he continues to call you after you tell him you'll call him back, turn the ringer on your phone off. My phone still lights up, so I can see that someone is calling, but there's no constant ringing to interrupt. It might take a few times, but be persistent and hopefully it will work.
When he is gone, we talk at least once a
day, maybe more, just depending on what we have to say. He travels out of state 3-4x weekly and a day without talking to him would be a day without sunshine to me. We are extremely close and spend lots of time together when he is home.
The more you talk against him.....
Your mom is going to try to defend him, so I think you may need to really tread carefully there. It's like when you have a kid (or were a kid) if Mom said do this, you did that, just out of sheer orneriness.
Now as to him sending her his debit card number, I'll be shocked and surprised if any repair shop accepts just a number like that for payment.
Have you tried going to the local police to see if they have any info on him or if they know of anything similar happening to anyone else? You could tell them the bit about the debit card - maybe there is a way to find out if it is stolen or not.
Beyond that, I really don't know what to tell you. Mom is an adult. I'm assuming she is a mentally competent adult, so you can't have her committed or anthing like that. Does she live alone? This is far out there, but is there a possibility you could get to her computer and put a filter of some sort on that would block him ? I don't know if that's possible or feasible.
Good luck.
Hard liquor.
Way to go. I know it is hard, did it about 12 years ago (sm)
now my husband who was a die-hard smoker has gone 2 months without.
He finds it great that now when we go anywhere he can relax and not worry about the next location he can light up.
Thoughts are with you. It's a tough fight but you can do it.
Hard drive?
Hello...sorry for the beginner question, but if I purchase a hard drive, are they generic to any computer? Or do they need to be specific for the computer they are going to be put into? It's going to go into an HP Pavilion. I just want to get a 40GB hard drive that doesn't cost too much. Any info. would be appreciated.
I know you're right - it's hard to do though! (sm)
But I think that is what I have to do! Thanks!
WW is hard for about 2 days (sm)
It's hard when you're adjusting your intake amounts and type of food, but it's sound science to lose weight with. However, the biggest key for me was changing my mindset. I had lost and gained several times in the past--65 pounds, then 42 pounds, 5 pounds, 10 pounds, etc. I scared the crud out of myself at age 25 and was finally scared straight.
When I was 25, I had a bunch of weird neurological symptoms and had an MRI done. My neurologist asked me, "Why are you having strokes?" Holy cow--what? I was a healthy, obese woman with two young girls, not having stroke symptoms.
That night I thought about my baby girl and 3-year-old girl. My husband would run off to work in the morning and be gone until 5 p.m. I would be lying motionless on the bed, unable to care for my little girls because I ate my way to a massive stroke. My baby would be crying out for me for food and a pants change. My oldest could throw her some Cheerios but that's about it until my husband came home.
I know it is not completely rational, but that was the catalyst that got me going. I started with my old WW calculator and went down from 235.5 pounds to 112 pounds. I'm 5 feet 5 inches and 28 now. I've kept the weight off for over a year, most of it for 2 years (most of the weight came off in about a year), and even kept it off through a pregnancy. I was at my prepregnancy weight at 3 days postpartum.
Anyway, I'm rambling. My tips for you--don't drink your calories, eat high-fiber cereal every morning, and save some points for whatever you like to eat. I always saved a couple points every night for ice cream. Oh yeah, and weigh every day. That way you'll know what foods affect your weight and which don't.
I haven't counted points for a couple of years. I weigh every day and know when I need to forget a snack for the night by my weight in the morning. I have control of this beast called weight control, and it is a beast.
Be prepared, though. People won't tell an obese person that he or she needs to lose weight, but people will take every liberty to tell a formerly fat person that he or she needs to gain some weight, never mind the health part of weight gain.
Good luck!
It's hard, but be strong for your mom and go.
If this is a family gathering, I'd go and be as polite as I could stomach, and then leave and take it up with her at a later time. Can't say I wouldn't flash her the ol' stinkeye once or twice when no one was looking though.
Here, those jobs are HARD to get
The elementary aide jobs in this county pay @$12.00/hour (your location may vary),lots of paid holidays, great hours, vacation time, sick days, insurance, and retirement.
I worked as an aide in an elementary school in the past when I was in a master's degree program but left the program (and the area) when I had a financial downturn.
To give you an idea of what it may entail, in my school I had duties such as hall duty (keeping the noise to a dull roar and horseplay to a minimum in the morning before classes begin and after school), cafeteria duty (making sure the right classes go to the right tables and fetching forgotten forks, napkins, and condiments), bus duty (helping children get on the right buses), as well as things such as testing for reading level placement and working with one group of students in a subject while the teacher works with another group.
Some of the aide jobs are more clerical in nature, some are in the library, some are to help the special education kids. Once you get in, you can usually find your niche and gravitate towards it.
It is never routine! I, too, am a burned out MT now and would love to get one of those jobs again, but it is very difficult to obtain one here.
Parenting is so hard.......
I am in no way saying that you are being a controlling parent. I understand that just becuase they are in college you can't and don't just say okay, now you are an "adult" you are on your own, go ahead and make mistakes. I myself and a bit controlling (kids are 17 and 15) and am trying really hard to tame that. I learned it from my "other" mother. She was very controlling with my younger brother (from her first marriage) all the way through his college years. He ended up marrying a very controlling person and that marriage lasted 4 years. He is now in a seemingly happy marriage but she is also quite controlling. I think it is a very fine line that we have to walk in giving them wings but also holding on when we see such obvious mistakes. Remeber the boy he was before he met this girl, the boy you raised with sounds like good values. Give him a little more time. About taking away the car I see why you did it. He blantly defied a rule and then lied about it. Maybe to try to build up the trust take it away for a shorter time and give him another chance. JMO! I really hope this gets worked out soon. I can only imagine how hard it is to have your child away for the first time and then these problems thrown in. Good luck.
My condolences -- it is so hard
I lost my best friend for 16 1/2 years this past May (though Tasha was a dog) and I know what you are going through. I did not have to make the decision as she did but it was still hard. I also had her cremated and her ashes are here with me in my office and I plan on spreading them up in the park above where I live where she loved to run and chase the squirrls I cried harder over her passing than I did over my divorce --but then she was faithful and stayed with me through the good, bad and ugly. Have not gotten another dog yet, but it is hard to come home to an empty house though I do have two cats. One kitty was very close to Tasha and thought I would lose her afterwards as she did not eat for almost a week and just kept wanderng and wandering. But she then found an old towel that I used to wipe Tasha off after walking and started to sleep on that and came around. But I remember her in her younger years and feel that she is running through heaven and chasing everyone around up there. So remember the good times and though your heart is aching, as least she is out of her suffering and pain. They give so much and ask for so little. Again, prayers and hugs to you. Patti
Might be a little hard at first, but then you get used to it. Have your kids help.
xx
We had a very hard time with my SIL
married to my younger brother. She was a total gold digger. Sucked up to our family until they were married and then nothing. She would walk into my parent's house and if she saw something new like a stero, she would say we will take the old one, etc. She is now gone. We really like his new wife. Defintely loves my baby bro. My other brother is divorced. My ex-SIL and her new boyfriend travel with our family all the time. My brother works for my hubby but has basically dropped out of out lives.
I know how you feel. It's so very, very hard, but (sm)
my cat had almost a year like that, would keep bouncing back every time I though the end was imminent. I told myself she just didn't want to leave me. Hang in there. It's rough.
I know how hard this must be for you. Hugs to you! nm
!
I'm so sorry. That must be really hard...I'm just sorry ((hugs)) (nm)
x
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