Yes, definitely a stress point in a marriage....sm
Posted By: minnabird on 2007-01-27
In Reply to: I think a LOT of men are like that with kids - sm
As for taking charge, I think we have to as they simply wont. I mean someone does need to be "in charge" so to speak...it is their place to be "head" of the house, but most dont take that place, they dont want that place, the responsibility that it brings.
I often think of the fact that if I died while my children are young they would have to live with my sister....seriously. He would not be able to take care of them, and not talking just financial, he literally would not be able to take care of them. It is sad to feel like that about it. Just how it is.
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Boy, if stress is the trigger, I'm surprised I'm not one big blister. Stress is my middle name
and MT-ing is my game..
Stress when is enough enough?
Wanted to gab to get some feedback. Right now, it seems like everywhere this MT turns there's stress. DH going through final hearing for child support his ex won't pay for years, she threatening to take the kids away so he has to pay child support, etc. I just switched jobs within the last year, and although I am doing well the one I chose, it has been really stressful trying different MTSOs out to find the right one, or the fairest one. Top it off, my 2nd computer in 6 months just died today and my lovebird cage just fell down from the ceiling wrecking the living room, the cage, and scaring me and the birds half to death. Last week, when my son went for visitation, he wanted to stay home and not go with his dad, he screamed so loud the police chased his dad down in the car, and they came here to make sure he was not a kidnapper. I am not kidding! Look, I am not looking for pity. It just seems that as I sit here and write this to you (who I don't even know), that since I work at home transcribing 6 days a week, am fully involved with my son at home and step kids all the time (no life outside the house to speak of anymore) I am absolutely at a ridiculous point of stress. Any happy coping suggestions in response to this sad situation other than, go to the "mental health board," or "get a life..." etc. Thanks in advance for your kind comments. Just a sister MT trying to cope with job and home and trying to find advice from anyone who has "been there." Thanks.
STRESS
I am so sorry to hear about your friend (coworker). I cry with you. I hope and pray that you can find someone at your facility that will see what is happening and help you make changes!!!
Why can't anyone realize that the stress we face is great?
God Bless You and your other coworkers!!
christmas stress . . .
Due to the high stress nature of my husband's and my parents, we no longer tell them about the children's school events ( I know, sounds horrible, doesn't it?). My husband's father, whom we see three times a year, and has absolutely NO relationship with our children, called the school and found out when their concert was. He and his wife showed up last night, sat in front of us, he said two words to my husband (his son) all night long. When we got home last night and wanted to decorate the tree, my husband blew a gasket. He cannot handle it. It bothered him SO much that his dad showed up that he screamed and yelled at us until my daughter and I were in tears and my sons wanted him to leave. My daughter, lying in bed crying while I tucked her in said "we do this every year, mom". In order to get a grip on the kind of relationship my husband and his father have I would have to go on and on. basically, he adopted my husband when he married my husband's mother years ago. They split up the year we got married. My husband tried very, very unsuccessfully to maintain a relationship with him over the years and finally came to a point where he gave up. We have awkward moments and conversation when we are together. We have nothing in common, they don't really care about the kids, because they are not there to actually spend time with them and get to know them. We prayed for my husband last night, and my daughter asked me if something happened in his childhood. How do I get my husband to deal with this so we don't have to go through this every year?????
My solution to your stress
just BEAT HIM. LOL. J/K of course.
I would be upset too. Look for another company to go through. Unreal.
you are in posttraumatic stress right now--sm
go to the ER. Have someone drive you, if you feel you may leave the car running again. They will be sympathetic and guide you as to what is appropriate care for you. I feel your pain! My children's father took his own life on Father's Day two years ago and a cousin of mine took his own life less than a month later. I know the feeling, believe me. You will get better though, trust me. good luck to you and keep us all informed. you need compassionate friends right now, too. {{hugs}}
stress causes it too, my child has it....
and is also on metformin which causes more problems....has been to the GI doc who is really not much help....in this case, stress causes it...child doesn't drink....26 y/o.....
hope you feel better.....google IBS - you'll learn how to cope/deal....
stress, work, stress, work, stress, work
X
What do you do for stress relief?
I am having a tough time blowing off steam lately and looking for some stress relief ideas...some for in the moment and some for just routine daily/weekly life stress.
I am pregnant so moods are crazy and I am just having difficulty letting go of even the smallest of things. Looking for some pointers, ideas, suggestions.
My garden tub used to do the trick but now that I work until late at night and have a child home from school for the summer, it is difficult to find the time for that or mani/pedis which I also used to enjoy.
stress reduction
My ex-hub wrote some papers while he was doing his PhD in psychology on stress reduction. I typed his papers both before and after we were divorced. It made sense to me. One of the things he said that you work all week to make a paycheck to pay your bills. He said you have to consider yourself "a bill out of your paycheck that needs to be paid" just like any other bill that you owe. You need to pay a bill owed to yourself for hard work in the form of whatever you can afford out of each paycheck no matter what the amount that you may deem to afford meaning a new outfit, pedicure, meal out, movie, whatever makes you relaxed and feel happy. Set an amount aside even if it is just $20-$25. It gives you something to looks forward to. We have been divorced for 15 years, but I still remember this and still do this. It makes me feel good because I know I have to pay this bill to myself and it makes me feel good.
I wouldn't stress.
I had my baby natural childbirth. It really wasn't so bad. By the time it gets to where you can't stand it anymore, it's time to push. When you push through a contraction, you don't feel pain anymore just pressure. During labor I just kept thinking, this time tomorrow I will be holding my baby.
While I was pregnant, friends and family delighted in telling me their horror stories about childbirth. Don't listen to them. Everyone's experience is different. I figured if it was that bad everyone would only do it once, right?
I did take my sister's advice though. She's an RN on L&D and she said the nurses are there to help you, don't get mean and nasty with them or they will go away and only come back when they have to.
My friend had an epidural and suffered from severe headaches for months afterwards. I've heard of women having back problems, leg problems with them. I don't think I would ever advise anyone to get an epidural.
You're not weird. Maybe you can stress that you'd like it to be just old
s
They are big-time stress reliever!
I play what my brother calls 'girly' games - Final Fantasy, tetris, etc. I also have a couple murder mystery-type games, but I have to watch playing them when I'm home alone because I'll scare myself! I know it's pathetic but some of those games have things that jump out at you! I guess that's why I stick to the 'girly' games! LOL
Anybody have stress bother them and then get sick?
Ever since I have been stressed over a certain situation in transcription, and my family's budget I have become extremely tired and it is really hard to get my line count. Every day as the pressure builds regarding this my line count gets lower, no matter how hard I try. Anybody in this situation or ever been, I'd appreciate advice. I am trying stress busters, exercising, reading books, taking time to go outside, but nothing is working.
Every time I sit down to type, I just get more and more worried and I can't produce! It is like my heart is going on strike against the position I have because there are problems with the situation and it makes my money situation even worse. My husband is very understanding but this has got to stop. I want to feel good about my job again and my production. If you say get another job, I understand about that, but what about until the other job starts, what do I do? Arrrggggg. I know life is no picnic but it could at least provide piece of mind so I can do my job! Thanks in advance for any and every suggestion or advice. It will be well appreciated
If she's such a good kid, why stress her more by making her pay
for car/gas/insurance? I think that making good grades and having extracurricular school activities are enough. If she has to work also then something might slip, probably her grades. My girls, now 30 and 33, did theater, choir, drill team and we took care of the car. They did not turn out to be slackers. Maybe taking her siblings to school and running errands is enough of a payment.
Believe it or not, my favorite stress reliever is
SEX. Seriously.
Anyone on Lexapro for stress and anxiety?
Do you like it? Is it working for you?
Stress - thanks all for yesterday - got the Bach and the multi-Bs (sm)
Still stressing but feeling much better today. Didn't get out until 8 pm last night to make my purchases and still had a rough night, but this morning I am much calmer. Thanks to everyone who had any comments or suggestrions - I really needed you guys yesterday and appreciate you being there!
Emotional upset and stress. Such as reading MT
x
I would say that you have every reason to have panic attacks what with all the stress you've SM
been under. I take Effexor XR for my painic attacks and atenolol to help control my BP and it keeps my heart rate down. The combination works wonderfully, although I wonder if I've become a little too dependent on it as I sometimes get a little anxious at the thought of being without my Effexor.
I would have periodic episodes of anxiousness going all the way back to my teenage years, but I would always work through it myself. Then a year ago, in the midst of marital trouble and feeling alone as I lived two states away from friends and family, I started having what I now know to be gallbladder pain while I was at work. In my mind, I knew I wasn't having a heart attack, the pain was in my right rib cage and radiated around to my right scapula. But I couldn't seem to convince my body. My heart started racing, my mind was racing. I felt dizzy and short of breath. I went to the employee health nurse who took my BP and it was sky high. She immediately rushed me to the ER which freaked me out even further.
Long story short, I was having a full blown panic attack and I hope that I never experience anything like that again. I ended up crying for three weeks straight, was afraid be left alone, was afraid to leave my house, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, would pace the house with my heart racing, not able to calm myself down.
I saw three different doctors before I found a female doctor who listened to me and told me she knew exactly what I was talking about because her daughter had panick attacks too. She started me on Effexor and set me up with a therapist who taught me breathing techniques and meditation techniques to help calm myself when I feel anxious. One technique, as simple as it sounds, is something I practice almost daily which is deep breathing: in through your nose and out through your mouth and as you exhale allow your body to relax starting from the shoulders down. It seems silly, but it really works. I noticed that I clenched my jaw a lot and so that is were I focus my mind when I'm trying to relax. I focus on the tension in my jaw and start relaxing from there down.
Exercise is another great technique for relieving anxiety and stress. All the experts say that, and it's true. Just getting outside and walking can clear the mind.
Well, I've rambled on and on. Sorry about that. Let me just add one more thing, if you decide to try medication, my advice would be to be patient. Sometimes it takes a few different trials of medication before you find the one that fits. My doctor explained to me that panick attacks are caused by an overactive fight or flight response in the brain and so SSRI antidepressants like Zoloft or Celexa won't do the trick. You have to have a NRI (norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) to calm the response.
I'm not saying you need medicine, but I am saying that you may want to get a handle on it now so you don't have to go through what I did. I can't even explain how horrible it feels to have your mind spinning of control. I felt like I was genuinely losing my mind.
Well, anyway I feel for you and I wish you well.
I'm one of the few Grinches here who agrees with you. Enough w/the stress & extra calories in the
s
I agree. Hand him the headphones to have a listen. And stress how
s
I think finances and stress ALL play a huge part in this. nm
n
Definitely stress. Cops said once that Xmas eve with alcohol & money
s
Stress to vet office this is urgent or call emerg. vet.
x
Get some B-stress vitamins, Bach Rescue Remedy spray (sm)
Valerian Root to help you sleep. If all else fails ask the doc for something temporary for stress. I have been so stressed out before I couldn't stand it. Best wishes to you! I hope things get better soon. Take a day off!! A mental health day! Be lazy, take a hot bath, take a long walk.
That would definitely not be enough for me to consider it a marriage. sm
why do you all think you need some obviously lame guy to complete you? Is it just youth and hormones?
marriage
You are so fortunate. In this day and age, everyone is all about "me". My husband has no CLUE what it means to "work as a team." He simply cannot grasp it at all. He does what he wants to, when he wants to and how he wants to, whenever he wants to. If I ask too many questions he gets angry at me. I am now figuring out 15 years later that I made a pretty big mistake by marrying him. However, we have three beautiful children, and the one thing we do agree on is that they need both parents to raise them. My husband would argue the color of the sky if he was in the mood. He is contrary simply to be contrary. I give up. He gives me the information he thinks I need to have. I don't ask him for anything anymore because he absolutely will not do it (help with getting everything done, i.e., housework, paying bills, makign phone calls, etc.). All of the concerns I had before we got married (which I did bring up to him) have come true. I should have known it. People just DO NOT know how to work together anymore.
marriage
I think we are raising our sons to be "mama's boys" and not be the proper leaders they need to be. Plus, in this day and age of no boundaries, children have no guidance and absolutely no direction. My husband does not have a plan from one minute to the next. It is absolutely crazy. he cannot set a goal and reach it if his life depended on it. We just wait to see what he is going to do next. I honestly never know what he is going to come up with. He absolutely adores his children, and they feel the same. I have seen what divorce does to the children, I will not do that to mine. But sometimes, I just want to scream. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he doesn't see a need (he has everything he needs). I will teach my children what to look for in a mate and the warning signs. Hopefully they won't have the trouble that I have had.
Marriage
Marriage is a relationship that you have to take care of each other first and always. He should always think about what makes you happy and you the same. You both should be covered at all times. There needs to be ongoing communication so you both can determine what makes things work for you. Most marriages fail because people don't want to talk and would rather "mind read" or assume. You know what they say about assume. You should always treat your spouse like he/or she is the most important person in the world and is first in your life. If you have someone that takes advantage of that and does not appreciate it, then that is not the one for you. Ignorance and immaturity takes kindness for weakness. A mature man or woman knows that that is how they should be treated and how they should treat their mate.
Second marriage
I'm planning to get married for the second time. My last marriage was 17 years ago and I've been on my own with my 14 y.o. son for almost 10 years. For my last wedding I dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's but I was so exhausted I didn't even enjoy the wedding. I think I have a mental block for wedding planning now because I never really thought I'd be doing it again. However, I have zero doubt that I want to be with this man. We both just want to be together and can't decide whether to just go on a trip and get married or have something small with our families and a few close friends. We think it would be nice to have our immediate families help us start our marriage off but I can't seem to make myself think about planning things and picking things out. Mainly I'd just like to wear a pretty dress (not necessarily even a wedding dress and definitely not an elaborate one). It seems if you start planning to have one thing it calls for another. I've looked at some of the wedding checklists and it makes my head hurt to think about picking out cakes, etc. I don't want anything tacky but I don't want to spend a lot of time on details. Any ideas? Also, what are your thoughts on giving your future husband a wedding gift. A do or not? Thanks so much for any advice you have to offer. I don't think we are going to wait long at all so I won't have much time to plan a lot anyway, which suits me just fine.
Second marriage
I live in Eastern North Carolina. There seems to be a lot of placed in Tennessee that look pretty romantic too. I'm browsing through those now.
Second marriage
Lots of great ideas. Thanks so much. I really like the iPod idea.
I think she needs to get out of the marriage - NOW!! (sm)
That could end up being a dangerous situation as well. I have had female friends from this type of cultural background who had to go into hiding from their own brothers to keep from being beaten to death for the crime of dating a white man. She really needs to get out now before they have children.
What is there to think about? Marriage...
is taking a vow.
vow
verb [T]
to make a determined decision or promise to do something, which includes not sleeping with other women and no cheating WHATSOEVER. He broke the Vow.
Marriage is a vow.
Of course I understand that marriage is a vow. Marriage is also a commitment. Problems that seem insurmountable sometimes are not, given time.
Before your marriage, did you or did you not....
Let your DH see you in your wedding gown?
Marriage Help
Am hoping to hear advise from other in my shoes. Been married 18 years and completely and totally unhappy. Husband doesn't beat me, is a good provider, just not in love any longer. Kids involved under age 14. Do I stay or do I go? Trying to stay until kids leave house but very hard - hard to even look at him. He has told me i am average but he love me, has corrected all my mistakes throughout the years, because only he and God are perfect oh but he loves me more than anything! A year ago he wrote me a letter that pointed out all my flaws and could not understand why I wanted him to leave. Please advise. I am so terribly sad and miserable and don't know what to do. State I live in very expensive and would never want to move my kids elsewhere. Hints on staying in an unhappy marriage would be great.
Bad marriage
Hi Done:
I left last September after 30 years. I am happy being on my own even though it means I must work long hours to support myself. My husband and I are separated, not divorced and I took no money from him.
The marriage was not so terribly bad - no physical abuse, very little verbal, but the interesting thing is that my children were way more aware of the underlying unhappiness than I would have imagined. I thought we never really argued - they thought the atmosphere was tense all the time.
I will say that I feel lucky that my youngest child is 17. On the other hand, she chose to stay with her dad (as well as my 21 year old son) and that was/is heartbreaking. But I did not have the right to choose for her. I moved into an apartment across the busy street from where I lived. My children can visit whenever they want.
It seems that my children are actually happier now too. Can you arrange a trial separation? The thing is, nothing has really changed in the situation between my husband and I, and it doesn't seem like it will. We both have an incentive not to make things final with divorce - mine is to keep his good insurance coverage, his is to avoid needing to give me any money.
I feel I had a lot of issues in the marriage due to the incest I suffered as a child and he had issues too. We just were not able to make any progress on this stuff in marriage therapy and neither of us has made any inquiries to each other about the possibility of trying again. And do you really think people can change? I just don't know. I think you have to really want to change. And someone who thinks they are perfect and points our your flaws all the time and tells you that you are "average" is probably not looking to change.
You deserve better for yourself. Just do it on your time and at your convenience. It is possible to stay for a while longer until your children are older. I thought I would wait until my youngest was out of school, but there was one of those "last straw" kinds of episodes last year and that was it.
I wish you the best. But just know that your children are aware of what is going on and do you want them to use your marriage as a model for themselves?
If it's you second marriage and the first one
Didn't workout - then don't spend ANY money on the second one. Save it for the divorce - LMAO
Before & After Marriage..
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
marriage
Once 39 years and we did not live together before either.
Marriage
I know what you mean about smothering. DH has several guys he works with whose wives won't do anything without their husbands. DH and I have always said we have very little in common except how we feel about each other. He doesn't ask me to get out of our warm bed at 5 a.m. in 20 degree weather to go deer hunting and I don't make him go to the beach with me in the summer and get sand in his shorts. It works perfectly for us. Our 24th anniversary is next month and we have 3 awesome kids. Definitely had our ups and downs but it's all been worth it.
Marriage
Well said. I was just thinking that. My husband just told me I have until the kids get out of school next week to get out. This all started over a milkshake of all things! Why are most men jerks? Looking back I have lost over 20 years of my life for a lot of similar reasons. Friends tell me the same info about God ect. But does God want us to be so unhappy???? That doesn't make sense to me at all!
Marriage
Living with someone is hard work, married or not. My parents have been married 45 years. My sister's marriage lasted just under 3 years. I've never been married but have lived with my SO for 3 years. We would get married if the marriage would be recognized everywhere as a valid marriage.
Sounds like your marriage is over
NM
Not sure what posts are below re marriage
but you sound so very well grounded and truly in love and love your husband and obviously he reciprocates. You are blessed but you also sound like a wonderful person who knows how to compromise when necessary and probably pick your battles - if you even have any!! I am also close to your age and going on 25 years of marriage and watch little things in the marriages of my children and I realize how much I have grown and how truly unimportant some stuff is - but sometimes you just don't see it when you are younger... wisdom definitely come with age!! You are blessed! :))
No, he has a son from a previous marriage, but they have none together. nm
m
OMG you just described my entire marriage..
I am waiting for tax returns and I am OUT OF HERE!! We tried counseling, and for US, it just made it worse. We have 3 children..7, 8, and 10. They are sick of him too and have actually BEGGED me to get us out of this house. I know in my area there are a lot of "programs" to help in these situations and I am hunting them down!! Good luck to you and dont sacrifice your life to be unhappy.
I have a great marriage, and i will tell you what we do
First off, there is no "serving". I am home, so I do all the bills, take care of the kid and cook most of the meals, housework, etc. He takes care of the lawn and brings in a lot more money. He is also very helpful on the weekends. Easy enough.
We are extremely nice to each other, and I spoil him rotten but it goes both ways. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. We go all out for birthdays, valentine's day, our anniversary and anything else we can find an excuse for.
When there is a problem or something unexpected, we split the responsibility for it or the duties that come with it. Everything is 100% equal. I believe he is the head of household in some ways, but in others, I am. That keeps me from being too much of a pushover and keeps him on the chase.
I have the same questions except it's a second marriage? SM
A friend of mine is getting married for the second time. The first time around it was a huge, and I mean HUGE, affair with an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties, huge Catholic wedding with a huge reception with food and free booze, etc. They registered at Macy's and expected everyone to get their presents from there. There China was over $100 for a place setting!
The couple divorced and now she is getting married again and has sent out invitations to all the festivities. She's planning another huge wedding and she has registered again at Macy's! Now, personally I feel this is just wrong. I think a small tasteful wedding is in order for the second go round and I don't think it is at all necessary to register anywhere for the second wedding. How much China can one person use? I mean, she got almost everything in her divorce!
I'm sort of a down to earth, pratical kind of person so Wal-Mart dishes are fine with me, so I guess maybe I'm not the best person to understand wedding traditions and etiquette, but do I really need to go to Macy's and get another expensive wedding gift?
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