Why wait for dad? When you do that, you imply you are the weaker parent, for lack of
Posted By: better term. Set boundaries and stick to them. sm on 2008-08-26
In Reply to: That's an interesting form of punishment - at the end of my rope
You told him to sit for 4 hours (which I agree was harsh for an 8-yo) and gave in after 30 mins. Say what you mean and mean what you say, or the kids will think you're a pushover. Don't leave dad to be the enforcer, you enforce the rules, otherwise they'll fear dad but not you. Know what I mean?
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how did i even imply it was his fault?
I was asking if it is something that can be worked out. Obviously this is my only long-term relationship. And what gave you the impression I "go out all the time". First of all I don't drink, at all. Secondly I NEVER went out until 2 years ago because he was in the Marines and I just stayed home all the time waiting for him and being worried... but you sound a lot like my mom, like if I am not married and popping out babies by the time I'm 30, I'm a total failure.
I never meant to imply...
that you wanted to put down a healthy animal, I just have a hard time putting one down at all, to be honest. We do not euthanize our elderly relatives and it is possible that, given the decision, the dog might just choose to stick around, but we will never know. I know that it is a difficult decision and my point was that maybe you should let your mother make that decision.
No wait, wait... 'mere Mom, me and my friends
can all drink it too. Come on guyz... my Mom won't mind, have a drink and have some fun. Bring the chocolate syrup! Doesn't she have big nipples. "My Dad likes 'em too and my baseball coach! 
I have lack of god as you put it, and
I hate to tell you, but you can be a good person and not believe in god. I'm not a criminal because I choose not to be not because I believe in god.
I'm so sick of hearing this kind of thing! I do not judge other people because they believe in god even though it's my opinion that they are wrong. However, all of the preachy people that throw god in my and everyone else's face, claim to be so righteous, etc., they judge me and everyone else. In fact, some of the most uncaring, insensitive, hateful people I have met have been "religious." Believing in god definitely didn't make them a good person.
Why does everything have to be about god with some people? What ever happened to religion being a personal choice and a personal thing between you and whatever you worship? Why do you have to force it on everyone else?
I don't force the fact that I don't believe in god on anyone else. I don't constantly tell them why there is no god and the reasons why I think that, but for some reason it's ok for other people to do the opposite to me and other's like me. What is it, if you hide behind religion it's ok to do/say whatever you want? If that's what having faith gets you, no thanks!
Lack of help from future son-in-law
Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I'm moving 60 miles away from where I'm now living next weekend for a new job at a big hospital in my hometown. I'm excited but nervous also. My daughter is getting married in November. I only have about 3 rooms of furniture and a lot of it is already boxed and in a storage room. I asked my daughter if "Bruce," her fiance, and his buddies could help move me, as I am single, with no father, brothers or friends who are able-bodied any longer (I'm 50+). She asked him and grudgingly he said something to the effect that he could, but we would have load the truck the night before and he would have to be finished up before noon the next day, and his friend would help for $200(!). The last straw was he told my daughter to tell me not to expect to have boxes, furniture placed or set up, because he HAD to get to the "Mud Bog" by 12:00 sharp.
Is this any way to treat a future in-law? He knows I don't have any family really. I did get a couple of co-workers and their husband/brother to help, thank goodness, but I'm really worried about the future with this boy--respect for me, priorities, selfishness--thanks in advance.
Lack of due care goes either way
x
What to do about lack of pets --
Got a problem...
I had a Pomeranian for 5 years. Had a cat for 4 months.
Last month I found out I was going to have to move (could not afford the old house any longer) and I found an apartment that would allow me to have my dog. Then, lo and behold, 2 weeks ago (4 days before I moved), someone stole my dog out of my backyard (no, did not get loose - someone took him). I canvassed the neighborhood, had the police visit several homes that were possible snatchers, but ended up having to move without finding him.
Well, the landlord would still not allow me to keep the cat even with paying a nice fat animal deposit so today I had to turn him over to the humane society. My daughter had planned on taking him, but he was just a little too aggressive for the 1 year old granddaughter.
So, now, I am sitting here missing my babies and thinking I am going to have to get another dog. Obviously I do not have a lot of money to spend on another dog, but I need and want the companionship and the fun that comes along with a dog. So, some suggestions on what you think would be the best for me to get.
I really love the dogs with all the hair (Shih Tzu, Pomeranian, Pekingese, etc), but I also think how nice it would be not to have all the hair all over me and the house. I also think that a "mutt" might make a good choice, but upon my visit to the humane society today to turn over my cat, there was nothing but big dogs and I had to move into an apartment, so I think that would be too much.
Darn it, I am just lonely and feel like I have lost 2 of my kids right now!
plain and simple, lack of God.
x
excuse my lack of knowledge, but
I thought medicinal marijuana was legalized in CA some time ago. What a horrible situation, this calls for an uprising, let the power of the people be heard. That is exactly why this stuff is going on - we let it.
sleep, or lack thereof
I read somewhere this past week that Sarah Palin only requires 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night. I remember in the past reading the same about Jay Leno. For a long time now I have thought about how much more I could accomplish if I could just get by on less sleep. I seem to function well with 7 hours and usually that is what I get.
Do you think that the ability to sleep 3 to 4 hours a night and actually function normally and enjoy life is a gift that a person is born with, or do you think it is something that can be learned? Do you think a person could get 1/2 hour less sleep per night every week, gradually getting used to less and less sleep, and still function well? Am I the only one who thinks about these things?
Please share your thoughts on this. Do you know anybody who sleeps so few hours, and what is their quality of life?
Even if I was to try to overcome my lack of desire for him (sm)
He did in one case admit to cheating with a girl he met while fishing from a pier in the Outer Banks. He then denied saying that, but of course he said it. I have children to raise. Should I expose myself to possible diseases? He still has not gone to get tested, so why should I give in to him?
lack of etiquette just means one is a goon....
!!!
I read that a lack of vitamin D and boron can
cause psoriasis. The article said that a lot of vegetarians don't get psoriasis because they have a diet high in boron which helps with the conversion of vitamin D. It is because vegetarians eat food high in boron and vitamin D, i.e., veggies, fruit, etc, and the soild the veggies are grown in is high in these nutrients.
There was a post on here about helping psoriasis so I thought I would throw that in! Hope it helps.
Well, if the shoe fits....her mothering *skills* or lack of
were atrocious. The fact she even had another baby and it was born methadone addicted is atrocious. The way she treated that old man, first off just marrying an 87-year-old crippled man because he was a billionaire(you think if he worked at McDonald's she'd have fallen IN LOVE with him?), and then holding a tape recorder up to him while exposing her breasts to get him to say "I want you to have half my money when I die" was atrocious, and how she then without any embarrassment at all fought HIS BLOOD FAMILY for his money after he was dead was atrocious. Meanwhile she was screwing around with other guys in the old man's bed while he was in the hosital! She was pure white trash and would do anything for money and recognition, so like I said if the shoe fits.... I certainly hope not but would NEVER doubt anything when it comes to that woman. Feel bad that she died but I'm no hypocrite and so I don't change my way of thinking just because someone tragically died, as so many others do......
As you said in post "it just boils down to lack of disipline
sd
Posts speak volumes in lack of trust
people have with their daughters. I have grown daughter so I guess now would be a different ballgame in the fact so many girls feel having sex and making babies at any young age, really young, is par for the course. Just talked with my 30 something daughter a few minutes ago and ran past her and she also thought creepy to keep list of periods. I guess you really have to do that these days though.
For me it is lack of sleep. I also can get them if my lips are chapped and peeling
and I bit at them, I will wake up the next day with a cold sore...I also get them on the rim of my nose and inside my nose(gross I know)and these come from me rubbing my nose too much from allergies!!!! Lysine helps some but I still tend to get them....STRESS, stress, stress!!!
WIRELESS NETWORK!!!- sounds like you are getting hacked (for lack of a better term)
You need to secure your network. Check outside your home at these times for a strange car. A neighbor with a teenage boy or girl using a wifi connection to access your network getting on a porn or gaming site that bills via a VOIP dial-up It can be done.
you want to make sure they cant access you need to secure your network with passwords and such and turn your router off at night when you go to bed no wireless = no connection.
Hope this helps feel free to email if you need some more info.
disgusting shows are proof of lack of intelligence of producers.
nm
Our kids got their own credit/debit cards when they hit 18 and got jobs. Their success or lack of
s
I did leave MQ, thanks to lack of work started PT with another company and full time yesteday.
.
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
x
Do think being parent alone protects someone from
x
any parent who ever let their kid idolize her should be.....
nm
were you a single parent
x
Please tell me I am not the only parent to feel this way
I am a mother of 3 children a boy 18, a girl 11, and a boy 5. In my home, driving is not a right of passage, it is a privilege. You must obey house rules, keep your grades up, and you have to purchase your own vehicle. You must also have a job to pay for insurance and gas, as we are not a bank or an ATM machine at your disposal. If you cannot follow the above, umm sorry 'bout your luck!
Am I the only parent out there with children that sees no point in cell phones for kids, especially for the younger ones. I swear most of the kids my daughter's age DO have one and she is 11. Am I one of the few who monitors what their children watch on TV? Am I the only parent that makes their children earn time for video games and then has a set time limit for it when they do get to play? Am I the only mother in the world who thinks its horrible to let your daughter run around in clothing with words across the behind?? Seriously who do you think is looking at this and why do you want to draw attention to your child's rear end? Ooohhh ya and all the parents who sign their kids up for little league things and dump and run. These practices and events are not free babysitting!!! I honestly know of a few mothers that take their daughters to gymnastics and leave them there and go down to the bar and grill and have a few drinks while they wait for their kids!
Okay, so I know it sounds like I am whining, but I have had enough! I am tired of being told by other parents that I am a prude, I need to catch up to the times, and the one I hate most of all is "our kids need us to be their friends"! I have a responsibility to my children to RAISE them.
My children and I all have good relationships. We talk about everything under the sun. They come to me with most of their troubles or questions and know they have nothing to fear, I will hear anything and answer them openly and honestly.
That can be done without letting the "tail wag the dog" so to speak. Are ppl to busy or so self-absorbed anymore to take the time to raise their children?
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
I see nothing wrong with asking your parent
This was my father and I was his next of kin. You try to make it sound dramatic as if he were dying. He was in excellent health with no medical issues at all. He had no other family members except for grandchildren, nieces and nephews. No wife, no siblings. I asked if I outlived him could I have the property. He lived out of state. When I asked him he did a quick deed, I paid for all insurance on the property as well as property taxes for about 4 years prior to his getting killed in an accidental death. I only wish I had asked my mother prior to her death (being as I was her only living child) if I could have had her personal belongings. I did not get those and should have. I learned when she died not to hold back if you want something. Now really, how would you feel if you were an only child and was bypassed with things that rightfully should be yours in the first place. Even in a court of law, a child comes first before others in who gets what when it comes to things like this. Don’t get on your soap box.
No one except a parent can understand, eh??!! sm
Ridiculous, with just a hint of "gotta-belong-to-my-club" elitism tossed in. Any sentient and compassionate human being can understand the issues, perhaps even better than someone whose judgment is emotionally clouded, and including the travesty that false hope and half-truths cause every day in the medical industry. (Hint: Go stand at the Mexican border where you can collect the sad stories.)
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that ESC research should not go forward. I was merely giving the rest of the facts about the dismal history and science of ESC research so far that Obama so conveniently omitted, and saying that we need to do this with protections for embryos in place.
I was just giving you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey used to say. I'm sorry if it's an "inconvenient truth", and despite my reservations, I do wish the very best for your child just as I do for the unborn embryos now at increased risk.
You don’t seem to be a strong parent
With teenage drinking, driving and the like, why even take the chance of having a diaster in the making waiting around the corner. I just do not see my ever wimping out to my child's father or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don’t want to look like the bad guy but here I think you really do.
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
Glad you recognize it's the PARENT here
and not this CHILD who is probably miserable being the way he is!
You MAY have tried everything possible not to ostracize him (without jeopardizing your kids' safety) but consider if there is a way to HELP him - he is probably desparate for the RIGHT kind of attention.
Think about it. and consider what type of ADULT he might turn out to be if no NORMAL adults try to help him.
Just the weight issue alone is a sign this family is in trouble.
GOOD luck.
Isn't that sad? And touch & parent's voices are
s
In his case 1 parent dishonored himself
The guy's mother was fine with his name change. The father had 11 children and get this, had a whole separate family on outside. His little scheme came to an end when the mother found out and divorce ended that. So a name change "dishonors" a "dishonest" father. Your post does not fly in this situation. Sometimes parents cannot be honored- I know my own father molested my granddaughter- should I still honor him because of his being my father?? Think not.
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
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Parent apathy is what allows school to think noone
x
You sound like an excellent parent
I do not have any children, but having grown up with parents who sound just like you I am grateful for what they did for me. I didn't have what every other kid had and I had to earn what I did get. We were involved in girl scouts and my mom was the leader of our troop. She was involved in everything we did and she did not believe in using activities as a babysitter. For babysitting she hired a girl down the road. So I am grateful to have the parents I had (mom's gone but dad is still alive). They instilled values in me and if I ever had kids I would raise them the same exact way my parents raised me. So good for you and I know when your kids are grown with kids of their own they'll remember what you did for them and will be thankful to you. I wish more parents were like you (my sister could take some lessons for sure - but that's a whole nother post).
The way I see it (and lived it) the biological parent
needs to step up to the plate and handle things. I'm sure of the woman who started this post had a husband that backed her up, she wouldn't be nearly as upset. I'VE LIVED/AM LIVING THROUGH THIS and my stepchild live with us 100% of the time (husband had custody). Sweet and first but things turned sour quickly. And guess what? My husband did very little in terms of taking care of his son, forcing him to be accountable for his behavior, etc. In turn, I ended up being the heavy and HATED for it (still am, and he's an adult now).
I was very young when I married my husband and didn't know what I was in for, just as the OP. You think, how can this sweet child be anything but good? You honestly have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Especially when other people will tell you that they CAN make step-families work. I think they work when/if the biological parent is firm with the child and sets the boundaries for that child, and the stepparent doesn't have to.
It's so difficult. I really feel for the orig poster.
Any parent who choses to has the option of
But out here, I doubt there are many parents who are that fearful. There are bigger things to worry about (fires, economy, earthquakes, 401K, jobs) than whether or not our kids are 'emotionally scarred for life' by witnessing a same-sex marriage! :D
If a child is a minor, it is the parent's
responsibility to get them to school and make sure they stay there. One mother here in my town had to go and sit with her daughter at school everyday for a while just to be sure she was there.
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