While I don't understand why you had no say in the matter, if he..

• EX in-law problems - need advice
  • In my opinion - your first mistake is letting your son live with her sm - IC-MT
    • All I can say is -- - see message
  • Yeah, that would make me ill. I am not judging you by any means sm - Me
    • ex SIL - need advice
      • your post says *they*... - sm
        • no - need advice
  • Think if he were my son I would take him aside and - sm
  • Have a talk with your son - see message
    • ex in-laws - need advice
  • This is a joke, right? Your son LIVES with her, - HUH?
    • that's exactly what i was thinking - oh my
    • Oh my goodness... - Dazed and Confoosed
      • No, I'm sorry. That is beyond ridiculous to have - NO
        • I am the grandmother who replied above - see message
          • I appreciate your thoughts. I understand how you - Thoughtful
            • Thank you for a well-written response - see message
              • Thank you, too. I feel the same. As for - Thoughtful
            • I applaud you - snowyMT
        • I'm with you 100%... - sm
        • better to... - see message
          • Ah, we want nicey nice here? First off, calling - LuvU2
            • There is definitely something to be said about someone who - Just my thoughts
              • Thank you so for your valuable input. I - LuvU2
                • You have no idea of her life situation - sm
            • passing you a virtual Valium.... - NM
  • While I don't understand why you had no say in the matter, if he.. - M.A.

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As a Christian, I believe in the Bible being the word and truth of God... and there is a h*** (sorry to use this symbo, but I have been told when trying to post this that this is a "bad" word) just as there is a heaven....we all make a choice in our lives which place we will go to in the end.  People will always find an excuse not to go to Church...and that is what they are excuses.  As a Christian I am no less a person than anyone around me....people just try harder to see my sins to see me fall.  But being a Christian does not make my sins go away, I just have to repent and try not repeat them.  I am not perfect...there was only One who was!  There is always strife and discord in any Church...whether you choose to become part of it is just that...your choice.  And yes, Jesus stands for love and forgives, but he does not ask us to be tolerant of the world....love the sinner and hate the sin.  God is only tolerant to a point and then he will punish. 

For the record, I celebrate Halloween with my children....no horror or blood and guts.  We do the Trunk or Treat at our Church for the community and decorate our car in a bibilical theme.

there you are!  Sounds like you 2 lovebirds are gonna have a real blast.  Be safe out there.    Cat 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygs2xfjJG2M

My 6-year-old values her "family."  She does not express her feelings much but I caught her in her room crying one night and she broke down and told me she does not want to lose her family.  Divorce is a very traumatic thing for a child of any age and her mental health is worth it to me.

Now, the decision here is if things are dysfunctional enough here to be hurting her worse than if I stayed.  This is what I need to figure out.

But the love of my child is worse sacrifying a part of me.  She is my world and her happiness means EVERYTHING.

TRose asked about this.  One of my dearest friends has been living in the closet forever, as she feels it's professionally the right thing to do.  About 15 years ago it became apparent to me that something just didn't mesh.  She constantly talked about being in love with "Jonathan," then somehow "Joan" would get thrown in the mix.  For some reason I never got to meet Jonathan or even see a picture of him.  There was always "some reason" why it didn't happen.

One day as we discussed our love lives, I told her that it sounded to me like she'd be better off with Joan than Jonathan.  That was my way of telling her I knew and wouldn't think any less of her.  I simply wanted her to know that she shouldn't have to hide it from me, as we'd been friends for so long already (and still are).  She was relieved.

That's how it worked in my situation.  Maybe something like this can work for you, too. 

i normally buy the cheapest washing detergent.  but it seems like my whites get really dingy.  lately i've been using washing detergent, color safe bleach.  i also use liquid fab. softener.  is it really worth paying more for washing detergent? just wondered what you all do.

thanks

During high school, I lost about 30 pounds eating only 1 salad a day and Special K cereal for breakfast.  I ran about 5 miles a day and was able to lose 30 pounds in 30 days.  It was a complete turnaround for me.  I gained self-esteem.  I kept the weight off until I went to college.

Of course, in college, I started to revert to my old eating habits and didn't exercise much.  I had settled to a comfortable 180 pounds (which wasn't bad for my height/build) when I got married.  After the birth of my first child, I weighed in at about 220.  When he turned 1, I tried some sort of diet pill (probably had ephedra in it) and lost down to 170.  I felt wonderful.  I kept that off until 3 years later when I had my second child.  I lost some of the baby weight, but not all of it.  Two years later, I had my third child.  I weighed about 230 pounds and really wanted to lose.  I tried Stacker with ephedra and lost like 40 pounds in 6 weeks.  I felt wonderful.  I kept that off for 2 years. 

At that point, I started Effexor and the weight just slowly crept up on me.  I won't blame it entirely on Effexor, but that seemed to be the start of it.  Now, I'm up to 250 pounds - the most I think I've ever weighed and I would kill to see 200 pounds again.  I've been contemplating a few weight loss options and can't seem to decide on one.  I've tried most of the ephedra products, phenteramine prescribed by my doc, Nutri-System (but only for 2 weeks - the food was yuck!).

I'm seriously considering WW but would like to have an appetite suppressant to help me out initially.  I know from past experience that diet pills only work for so long, but I really think that if I could just get in the groove, I'd be okay.  I like to exercise.  I only work about 4 hours a day, so I have the time.  I just can't seem to control what I eat.  I especially love to eat late at night when watching TV.  I can do so good all day long and then 10 o'clock comes and I ruin it. 

My other problem is that I'm not much of a veggie eater.  The only veggies I really like are corn, potatoes, and green beans.  The starchy ones.  I like fruit, but it's not very filling.  I get tired of eating chicken and I'm not much of a fish eater.  I'd really rather eat a cheesesteak most of the time or pizza.  I love junk food - chips, candy bars, nachos, cookies.  I eat when I'm not hungry just for the sheer taste. 

Okay, I know I'm nuts and I probably have some sort of eating disorder, so what I'm really wondering is:  Is there a good appetite suppressant?  I've been checking a few on-line and I can't seem to find a bona fide review by someone who's used the product.  These are the ones I'm considering:  Leptovox, Fenphedra, Proactol.

Anyone try any of these and did you see results?  I know I have to eat healthier and exercise.  I'm okay with that if I could just get my cravings under control. 

is there someone close to the both of you that could be present when you tell him.  Ordinarily, I would recommend meeting him in a public place, but in this case, since it is a financial affair, I wouldn't recommend that.  However, if there is someone you are both close to, perhaps you could have them present (even if only in the other room) while you tell him. 

Another possibility may be to discuss this with your in-laws first.  Again, I wouldn't ordinarily recommend this, but they appear to already be involved in your financial matters since you borrowed the money from them for the car.  Depending on their reaction, perhaps you could all sit down together and they could help you work this out. 

If all else fails, call your attorney and schedule a meeting where he will mediate.  I would not tell this man alone in person.  It doesn't sound like a safe thing to do.

If it were a teacher calling a 16 or 17-year-old student that, then I would be concerned.  However, as I said, my son's kindergarten teacher calls him that all the time.  She's pushing 60 and he's 6 -- big difference.  She's also had my other 2 children and done the same.  I'm 34 and when I visit the class, I call the kids the same thing, mainly because I can't remember all their names. 

I'd have to guess that if it upsets you, there's probably another reason that it upsets you -- maybe a roving eye or longer-than-you'd-like pats on the back by the teacher?  If you have a bad vibe, you should definitely pursue it!  Maternal instinct is usually right.

Document everything!  From the past and things leading up to you leaving and what’s going on now. It’s always hard for the children to see this happening.  I’m proud of you for taking the steps to make changes.  It’s easy for a son to treat women with disrespect when they see how a father treated a mother, or for a daughter to believe that it is okay to be abused verbally/emotionally when they see their mother go through that.  You did the right thing to leave.

I do not know what state you live in, but in my state when a woman with children goes into a shelter, they are given priority over a waiting list for low-income housing.  There are options out there for you. Apply for food stamps/medical etc until you get your court hearing.   

Prayers are with you.  Stay strong and give your kids lots of hugs and kisses.

if your name is on the deed or not, it is marital property, you both own it.  So tell him to take a flying leap that you're not leaving.  If he tries to physically remove you from the house, you call the police and tell them he assaulted you.  You go to the county courthouse and swear out an ex parte emergency order of protection at which time they will issue a temporary restraining order for 15 days and schedule an adult abuse hearing.  During the 15 days, he cannot come near you and HE will have to leave the house.  At the adult abuse hearing, you will tell the judge if you want to proceed with the restraining order and if you do, they will schedule another hearing and extending the emergency order of protection until the next court date and so on.  Eventually, the judge will hear the case and make the temporary order permanent.

In the meantime, you should contact legal aid for legal advice and an attorney.  I would also do as the poster below suggested which is start to get together important paperwork, possessions, etc. and stash them at a friend's place.  Do not get a storage facility or rent anything that will leave a paper trail back to you.  I would also empty out any and all joint accounts and open an account in your name only at another bank, change your direct deposit through work if you have it going into a joint account. 

I know everything above sounds very calculated and cold, but it's cover your butt time.  Men can be cruel and you have to worry about you and your kids (if you have any).  I've been through an ugly divorce and I functioned during my divorce with the full knowledge that every single move I made was to protect and provide for my kids and myself.  Every move my ex made was for himself and himself only. 

I wish you the best of luck.  Be strong and be smart!