Where there is smoke, there is fire...

Someone said consider the source.  So let's consider the source...

You don't know her and she doesn't know you.  Why would she seek you out to lie to you?

Apparently your husband does know her and was going to warn you beforehand that she might try to stir up trouble.  Why would she pick your marriage to stir up trouble in?  What bone of contention does she have with your husband?  What is his relationship with her? 

And if there is nothing to what she says as your husband suggests and that she is just trying to "stir up trouble" then why did he feel he needed to warn you? 

Sounds to me like he's covering his bases.  Personally, I think you husband has a lot of explaining to do and this advice of "keep quiet and take notes" is bunk.  Don't be the victim.  Listen to what your gut is telling you.  Something smells in your situation and I bet it's coming from hubbie.

Trust me when I say, men can look their wives in the eye and lie without batting an eye and when caught in a lie, they will practically hurt themselves trying to rationalize and justify.  Whatever is going on with your husband, you cannot deny that there are rumors out there that your husband feels he needs to squelch.  That's troublesome by itself.  Why would someone make up rumors about him?

Don't excuse him, don't treat him with kid gloves.  Confront him and find the truth.  You'll know it when you hear it.

• What is your theory on - rumors (sm)
  • Where there is smoke, there is fire... - SM
  • I would not have confronted him and would consider the source as others said. sm - LMT
    • sm - rumors (sm)
      • Hmm, sounds like the situation is getting worse. sm - LMT
      • On the flip side of the coin....sm - Conspiracy Theorist
      • again...sm - ks
  • IMO, most people won't say anything - sm
    • but do you believe - rumors (sm)
      • Also, if you feel it inside that he is telling you the truth, sm - LMT
      • of course, - sm, OP
        • rumors - Barbara
      • this is why you should keep quiet, observe, take notes.... - nm
  • for now, keep quiet, observe, take notes. - nm
  • theory - ks
    • red flag should be up - hiya

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it's better than keeping it all inside and letting it fester.  Your MIL sounds like mine and your DH sounds like mine as well.  My husband doesn't want to deal with his mother, so he pretends he doesn't notice anything she says or does and the same goes for my FIL.  He knows how is wife is, but he just ignores it.  My husband will tell me privately "oh, you know how my mom is."  For about the first year of marriage, I bit my tongue with his mother.  But when I saw that my DH was never going to stand up for me, I decided to start biting back.  She would say stuff like "You like you've put on a little weight, sweetie." and I'd say "you look like you've put on a few years." 

My MIL and I have full on yell fests sometimes.  We don't speak to each other for weeks or months because we're mad, but we always make up.  Also, my DH has come around too.  He has gotten to where instead of ignoring comments that his mother makes, before I can come back at her, he'll jump in and let her know that what she said was not acceptable.  So now there are less fights because mommy doesn't like to be called out by her baby boy. 

I think for a long time my MIl was just jealous of me because she was the main woman in her son's life for years and that changed when I came into the picture.  So she turned every family gathering into a competition for her son's attention.  I hated the first years, but now being married 16 years, I really don't care if she gets all his attention when we get together.  Let her fix his food and tell him how great he is.  Gives me the day off. 

With any luck the weather will be good and the party will be held outdoors....If not, take her out to  lunch or make a special lunch/dinner at your house just for the 2 of you....perhaps get your hair and nails done together or just piddle around in the consignment shops...do something that the 2 of you enjoy.  If you've known her since Jr. High or thereabouts, she knows how you feel about smoking and I don't think she would be offended.  The 1-on-1 time together would proabably the best present she gets....and you get to catch up everything without interruption.

I know, I did it yesterday...Made chicken and dumplings from scratch and sauteed squash and a light fruit salad, watched a video slide show that my friend made on a Mac laptop of renovation of the log cabin that her mother was born in (narration, music and all).....Her daugter's wedding is coming up in 3 weeks and the young lady wants it to be at the cabin.  Then we tried on mother-of-the-bride outfits she'd brought over, we critiqued, exchanged jewelry that would match.  We talked for about 3 hours non-stop and coulda gone on for another coupla days just reminiscing and trying to work out the kinks of the wedding and chowin' down on comfort food.

Just an idea....Hope this helps. 

I can't figure out why you posted that you are thin and have always been thin.  How is that supportive a person who would like to lose weight?  I'm guess I am missing something.

This January we have decided will be it.  It is no longer socially acceptable.  My excuse has always been that I am afraid to gain a lot of weight. 

My brother quit after 15 years (early 30s) and he used Chantix.  He was a 3-pack a day smoker.  Let me tell you, he is so much better.  No coughing.  After 6 years of trying to have a baby and failing in vitro; they have just had a baby this November.  They both smoked/him worse.  They are now both nonsmokers for over a year, have gained weight, but have such a blessing.  He swears it was the smoking that caused the infertility.  This pregnancy was the natural way and she's beautiful/such a blessing for them.  We are all elated. 

I am especially proud of him and feel like such a wimp to continue to smoke knowing it is killing me.  It makes me feel inferior to others.  Thank God my brother is an encouraging soul and not one of those horrible ex-smokers who just won't let up or are worse than just plain nonsmokers.

To the OP:  These poster above is absolutely correct.  My brother will vouge that everything in life is better now that he is a nonsmoker (i'm assuming including the sex since they now have the baby).  He says the Chantix worked and he is by no means a pill-taker at all. 

To the OP again:  If you'd like to quit when I do in January, e-mail me, and we can support one another.  You are worth it!  You can still smoke the first week on Chantix, but then the cravings will disappear.  Believe me, I also enjoy the cigarette especially after eating but smoke a lot more when I'm stressed to the point that I wheeze.  I'm only 38 and have 2 kids.  I hate the habit, but I love the cigarettes.  See what I mean?  It's a hard habit to break, but I think together we can do it!  Whaddya say?  E-mail me! 

To the Poster Above:  Thank you for your kind comments as you've also just made me decide that quitting is the best and only option at this point.

I had an aunt that died of ovarian cancer and never smoked or drank a day in her life.  She was thin, always health conscious.  Not all cancers including lung come from smoking.  Keep that in mind as you strive to quit. 

People are made to smoke outside the store, can't smoke inside.  Smoking is not against the law.  I think people with body odor/bad breath smell way worse than people smoking. 

even in Florida - the casinos you can smoke at - at least in certain areas like the bingo.........not the dealer tables at the Seminoles but at every other casino locally in S. Florida, there is smoking allowed.....Hard Rock Resort and Casino - smoking allowed.

In Las Vegas, if there are casinos in the hotel - you will be dealing with smoke.

However, there are plenty of smokeless, casino-less places......enjoy!

from something without washing it?  I have a baby blanket my mom crocheted that is for a friend of mine who's expecting.  Like everything in my mom's house, it has a bit of a cigarette smell, and I don't think a new mother would want to use a blanket that smells of cigarettes for a new baby!  So far I've just hung it up on a hanger in the hallway at my place.  (I don't smoke.)  Any ideas?  I thought about something like "Febreze", but that might not be good for a new baby to breathe, either.........

First, thanks again to those who tried to be helpful/supportive.  Secondly, i may (!)have made a breakthrough this morning, Praise God!!  Sparing the details, after another fit of mine over trying to eat in a 'cloud', i put it to him this way:  Saying, "i've been looking into air cleaners to remove the smoke smell from the house, and they will cost from $700 to $1000.  So which is it going to be -- will you quit smoking, smoke outside the house or do we invest in these expensive air cleaners?  I just can't tolerate it like i used to."

I let him ponder awhile and asked again for the answer.  I about fell off my feet when he said he'd try harder to quit smoking and that he might start smoking outside the house, and might even consider a prescription to help...Good Golly Miss Molly!! 

Wonders truly never cease!! 

Here's what happened:  I dropped my third-grader off at 8:20 this morning.  A group of us moms who drop off their kids meet at a little coffee shop just down the street.  I leave the coffee shop at 9:30 a.m., return home, check my voice mail (none), and then leave to run an errand (taking my elderly neighbor to the garage to pick up her repaired car).  It's now just after 10 a.m.  On the car radio, (from an out-of-town radio station, not local) I hear that my child's school has been evacuated due to a fire and school has been dismissed.

I immediately pull the car to the side of the road and call one of the mom's I had just had coffee with, asking her if she had been called by the school.  She had not.  So, I turn the car around and start racing back to school.  My brother then calls me (his daughter is in the same grade, same school, as my boy), stating that he has picked up our children and is taking them to grandma's house.  He said he had only heard it from his girlfriend who heard it on the radio and called him.

Last year, we had to fill out this form stating who was okay to pick up our kids from school in case of emergency.  My brother was on that list from last year, but this year we were not supplied with one of those forms to fill out.  What if things had changed?  What I had decided he was no longer to be on that list?

Anyhow, I get home, check my voice mail again, still none.  On the noon news, the story is there, stating the children have been evacuated and bussed home.  How many kids got sent to a home with parents away at work?  How many kids waited to get picked up by non-contacted parents?  Isn't there supposed to be an emergency system which can contact 900 parents in a timely fashion?  I am really miffed.  Everything is alright, but this was a fiasco.