When she does something good, PRAISE HER. Reinforce positive behavior with rewards.
Posted By: Not threats and probation. on 2008-07-17
In Reply to: update for today - need advice desperately
Lighten up, Mom. This is your child, whom you unconditionally love. Maybe you need Nanny 911 or Super Nanny who seem to be able to see under currents of passive agressive behaviors in parents when it comes to their challenging children. This may be your fight as much as your daughters. I say this because you are so dependent on getting others to be on your side.
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Good ideas, positive thinking sm
We need more kindness around here. I try to stop and let someone through a line of traffic when everyone else ignores them. Most times I get a wave and a thank you, sometimes just a dirty look, but hey, I tried! Don't have to spend money or do anything spectacular, sometimes just a smile or a "go ahead" in line at the supermarket when they only have a few things and you have a carriage full helps someone out a little. What the heck, does make you feel better as well. Karma. Are you the type who gives people a break (or do you give them the finger)????
You need to reinforce the fact to him that
just because you work at home does not mean you are available for whatever. You have a responbility to your job too and should fairly well set hours as if you were in an office. I have had to explain that to my kids (19 and 14) that just because I am home does not mean "I am at home."
I have nothing but praise for you and
hubby! This is going to be a long road, not overnight or a couple of months. I don't entirely agree with the counseler; sounds like rewarding bad bahavior to me. Like giving a steak to a pit bull everytime he bites the kid next door! AND technically, the cell phone belongs to the person paying for it. The unfortunate thing about adorable babies is that some of them grow up to be teenagers who will eat you alive if you let them. I had to drag one back to her room by her size 10 feet one time. She ended up getting carpet burn on her backside and God help, I had to keep stopping and resting, but two weeks later when I told her to go to her room, she did it. I decided to choose my battles and did not say anything when she slammed HER door. My dad would have quietly told me to now go back and shut it right. But then, he never had to fight with me like this, either. A friend's kid was going to run away and when he started packing, she said, "what are you doing" and he said "packing my stuff". She said, "oh, let's get this straight, I paid for that and it's my stuff and you can't have it. I will let you have the stuff you are wearing for the cause of decency, but that's all you get". Bless her heart, he is still with her and that was 10 years ago. Well, your girl should get what she gives, just to keep the scale balanced; action-reaction. I just agree for her to treat you ugly. Backing you all the way. Good luck.
Oh sure, if it were something that God would praise
there would be heck to pay. Christians are not outnumbered in this country but the squeaky wheel has gotten all the attention with God taken out of our schools.
Taking a child in school to a lesbian wedding is dispiccable. It is not educational and has no place in their learning. I just hope some parents with half a brain took their children out of that classroom. Evil works in sneaky underhanded ways and I can guarantee you this is one of them.
Using children to push a gay agenda ---- how sick is that
PRAISE GOD~
I am so happy to hear your news. will be praying it will completely disappear.. Was thinking about you this a.m... thanks for letting us know..
It seems to me the key here is whether this behavior sm
is a change from his previous actions, or whether he was always like this and is getting worse. If the latter, your marriage doesn't sound like it's worth working on, not just because of his behavior (which would be repulsive to me), but because you obviously don't have any positive feelings for him anymore. As a member of a strong Christian church which also advocates that the man is the head of the family, this kind of behavior would be completely unacceptable. Men are to treat their wives with respect and understanding.
If it is a change from his behavior when you were first married, he may have a serious medical or emotional problem. If so, and he doesn't get help, things may just get worse. Good luck to you.
Odd cat behavior
Does anyone know why my female cat would meow/cry loudly almost as if in distress when I use the oven? It's really starting to freak me out, like maybe it is going to blow up or something and she's trying to warn me. It seems to be working fine as far as I can tell and this has been going on a while now. Any ideas?
Bad Behavior
Apparently it was Megan's brother who was heckling Kara the night before and yelled out "broken record". Kara went up to him after and confronted him two different times. Megan seemed to get a big ego rather quickly. I think her mood came down to a screeching hault when Simon said they weren't even going to bother letting her sing again. Someday she is going to look back and cringe at that spectacle
Bad behavior............. sm
It has been said that people will treat us as badly as we allow them. Don't believe yourself to be unworthy of good treatment because that would only set the relationship up for more bad or possibly worse treatment in the future. Hold out for someone who treats you well and treasures the opportunity to be in your company. He is out there and he is the one who is worthy of your time.
Are you positive...
you don't have deer?? I have to keep a cage around my roses because the deer think the buds are a delicacy. I just had all of mine lopped off last night by a hungry deer. What makes me the maddest is that they sometimes leave a mess and don't even eat them all, just cut them off. We bought this stuff at Home Depot called Liquid fence. It smells terrible, but the animals won't eat what is sprayed. Your roses won't stink though if you like to cut them for the house.
Try to be more positive sm
I am trying very hard to see my cup as half full, not half empty. I hope I can carry this throughout the year. In the meantime, I have only a few days left to "work on it" so I shall start practicing. Hope I can keep it up. My husband says I could be president of Worriers Anonymous! I think I can, I think I can - I shall! Happy New Year! Good subject.
We have to think positive.
and hope that it dissipates. Big hope, I know. I don't want to go through that again, either, only this time I will stay and hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
From the behavior you describe... sm
And the fact that you said he's old, it sounds to me like this guy is senile or has other mental problems going on. BUT, I think it would be a mistake to assume he isn't dangerous just because he's a little old guy who seems a little off. I also think you should notify the local police about him. He might be a danger to himself, if not others. If nothing else, he's a nuisance and should be reported.
I'm also someone who has all doors and windows locked at all times, and I don't open the door to strangers. Sometimes I do feel like I'm a little bit paranoid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also have the car doors locked when I'm driving anywhere.
I'm amazed that anyone leaves doors and/or windows unlocked, but I know it happens. My mother-in-law and father-in-law, for example? OMG. They never lock their doors! They live in a small mobile home park for seniors, in a small-ish town, and my MIL feels like it's safe. What really kills me is, she doesn't lock their doors at night, and she takes out her hearing aids to sleep, so she wouldn't even hear anything if someone did come in their home at night! She says "Oh we have great neighbors. Everyone watches out for each other." What?! Crazy. And this is a woman who loves to read true crime novels and watches court TV and knows about the things that can happen. She worked as a legal secretary for decades and is very intelligent in all areas but this one. I just can't understand it. They don't live near us, but when we go to visit, I go around and lock all the doors at night. Otherwise, I'd never get to sleep!
As a side note, there is an excellent book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin DeBecker. I highly, highly recommend it to all women. Get a copy today! I also like a show on the Discovery Channel called 'It Takes a Thief.' It's very enlightening about just how easy it is for criminals to break into most homes.
That's my 2 cents. Stay safe, ladies! :o)
And again, she cannot change his behavior, only hers
will not back down on that one. Lots of reason for divorce. Staying because of the children is an absolute wrong way to work at a marriage. She finds him disgusting, surely the children notice or they will when they age a little. I would not care if I had 10 children hanging onto my apron strings, would not want to stay somewhere that I am so unhappy I ask outsiders what they would do. My mother divorced in a time when no parents divorcing, believe it or not, and when I went to elementary school I was asked why no daddy. I turned out well, felt it had no adverse effect on me. Saw him, didn’t see him, ?? Really loved my stepmom though. He did do a good thing right in his life by bringing her into it.
There is also the behavior issue of (sm)
submissive piddling.
You can buy something called a Belly Band for him to wear in the house. If he dribbles with it on, he gets himself wet, so this can teach him not to let that happen. I've just heard that not all pet stores call it a Belly Band or know what that is, but you can Google something like house training, canine belly band, and you can read about it and maybe order on line.
Corgis are so cute. You can post pictures here on the gab board.
Behavior changes in husband
I have searched the internet for some clues to what is described below but not even sure what key words to enter in a search.
Anyway, husband is 46 and exceedingly fit and athletic his whole life. Behaviorally and genetically he is prone to accentuated mood highs and lows, not quite bipolar probably but close. Runs heavily in his family. He tends toward aggression, bullying and denial at times. Childish at times, even naive, very literal even though highly educated. All the above has been increased by about double (particularly the childishness in behavior and decision-making) in the past year and it is nearly intolerable. He often doesn't process what I say or else is just not listening to me. I have to repeat things over and over and worst of all, he makes poor decisions about things and I often feel like I'm living with an 8-year-old. I am stressed on an almost constant basis. Alzheimer's came to mind but couldn't find anything that really fit in looking at symptoms. Is there the possibility of mental illness manifesting itself at this age?
behavior problems
We have had and still have behavior problems with our son and he is ADHD, have you had your child tested? He also has ODD, which stands for oppisitional definance disorder. He sees a therapist on a regular basis and it has helped tremendously with his behavior.Your school psychologist is not very good or qualified if he has not referred you to any outside help. Your pediatrician should be able to help you out and point you in the right direction.
Terrier behavior sm
We had a part terrier (not pit bull) who destroyed everything in sight when we left her, sailed over a 6-foot fence, took clothes and glasses and buried them in the ground, etc. She literally was a "goat" and the payoff was when she ate the living room couch when I had 20 people coming over and it was Christmas Eve. When I called the shelter they told me that if I brought her there and she did that with someone else, they would have kept bringing her back and she would eventually be euthanized. Sixteen years and a lot of furniture later, she finally died of old age. When she was 10, she began to get a little better, but we put up with an awful lot. I have talked to others who have had "terrier" type dogs who did crazy things when left alone. I don't think the dog will change, but good luck. I have Uncle Matty videos, green apple spray (she liked it) and tons of self-help books for owners of dogs as mentioned. All I can say is good luck, you have to have patience, common sense and a sense of humor. I hope there's a reward somewhere for what we put up with as animal lovers but I did not have the heart to see this crazy, one-black eyed dog being put down, so I kept her and kept trying. She ate the shingles off the house, a brand new shed, a few couches, some kitchen cabinets, and the list goes on......it's true. Animal Lover here! You could buy a kong at the pet store and put peanut butter in it (or several) to keep the dog busy for awhile, but when that's empty, expect the next best thing to disappear.
Kids behavior
How a child acts at home is not an indicator of how he/she acts when away from home and parents, no matter what is taught in the home. It is always good to get the whole scoop from others who were there exactly what happened before you go off on anybody. It just could be that the other mom is sitting there angry because of what your child might have done to her child that she might have felt the need to defend herself against. I learned this from experience. I thought I had the perfect angel also, raised with good morals, two-parent home, involved in church, no bad behavior at home, but found out I was dead wrong when watching a video from the school (also a private grade school). Just something to think about.
need some insight into son's behavior
I wonder if anybody has any insight into my son's behavior and performance in school. His dad and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we have also left him alone and have given him space regarding his grades. Neither causes any change. He just keeps telling us he doesn't care about high school and that it does not matter. He has no respect for the teachers (not many of them take teaching very seriously, in all honesty, so I can't much blame him for that) and he doesn't feel like he should try since they don't.
This is a kid who scores in the 98 to 99th percentile on standardized testing. He is SO smart, friendly, outgoing, quick-witted, and for the most part respectful. He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He plays guitar in the praise band at church. He is a good kid, but he just refuses to do his school work.
This has been a struggle for the past 4 years of high school. He is supposed to graduate in May, but the last 9 weeks report card came today and he got 2 F's, a D and a C. The 2 F's were gimme classes, believe it or not. If he doesn't bring those up to average a passing grade he won't graduate. It makes me sad, confused, frustrated beyond belief, worried, just to name a few emotions.
He says he thinks he has ADD but I think he just WANTS to have it so he can have a pass, so to speak. I think it could be some deeper problem, like our family dynamics, playing a role. Does anybody have any ideas on how this boy can be inspired to rise to meet even the smallest challenge?
Regardless of her ridiculous behavior,
she sang horribly & was annoying to watch perform. No great loss...
And her behavior is just despicable, you are right
to be angry.
Who needs 'friends' like that?
Dump her!
Is this new behavior or just increased lately? sm
If it is not new, then I agree with the posters below. However, if this is something new, see if there are any changes in his diet or medications if he is on any. I've posted about this before, but my son (who will be 8 in a couple of weeks) went from a typical 7-year-old to an out-and-out tyrant when he was placed on Singulair for asthma. Everything was an argument, even things he normally liked, and if he did not get his way, watch out. He had nightmares and barely slept, was hearing voices, and told me several times he wished he had never been born. I cried every day and was 1 day away from an appointment with a behavior specialist when we figured out it was the medication causing the problem. We still say he should be a lawyer when he grows up because he is always trying to figure out loopholes in the rules, but overall he is a good kid who is now happy without any of the issues he had while on Singulair.
No, we are absolutely positive about where and when -sm
it was left, I will be checking the schools L&F though just in case the guilty party returns it to there to escape detection.
Thanks for the positive feedback
I was just sharing a story.
Thanks you all for the positive posts.
I didn't think anyone would tell me not to let him go and that is exactly what I needed. I guess all along I knew I would not be able to keep him here, my heart would hurt too much to see his heart hurt if I did say no. I know I am supposed to just turn it all over to the Lord, but sometimes that is really hard to do. I will continue praying about it and I know that will help give me some peace. Thanks again to all.
I am 50! You are younger than me. How is that for positive??? nm
.
Well...have taken 3 different self-assessments & all 3 are positive! (sm)
score is about 7 out of 10 on all of them. I don't know whether to be upset or happy. I guess I should be happy because maybe I can get some help with it.
thanks for all of the positive responses!
I did not think i was being negative at all, but here are two responses I got:
So you say the "only" things they do is fight for our country and rights and help out in times of need. What do you think that consists of? How many lives have been given since 1776 to secure and protect those rights? Have you ever looked at the freedoms we have and the wealth we enjoy? What more do you expect the military to do? Wash your clothes. We are the only truly free nation in the world and it is because men and women have chosen to join our military and fight to give you those freedoms that you don't seem to understand.
and
Ma'am, thanks for giving me a subject for my Memorial Day speech in our community. The subject will be:
Americans who have no idea what military heroes have done and are doing for us, thereby humiliating our sacrifices.
anything positive come out of this letter?
x
Gee thanks for the positive feedback
I beg your pardon but I am certainly NOT spoiled. I have been in a marriage with someone who likes to point out all my flaws and correct me constantly, someone who told me I am just average looking and someone who has not touched me in over a year. I am staying for my children and have been staying for the last 6 years I've been miserable. Don't you dare judge me. Have you ever had your self-esteem taken away, your self-worth. A husband should tell his wife and think that she is beautiful, not average my dear.....I feel worthless and hopeless and ugly and hurt so please refrain from calling me selfish and putting me down - have enough of that already. Words of encouragement are needed.
Your Positive Event of the Day
Your Positive Event Of The Day
What is something good that has happened to you today?
Even something as small as having a candy bar you enjoyed.
positive things
1. The sun is shining (even though it's 0 degrees out).
2. I am warm and able to work in the comfort of my home.
3. I have work! Yeah!
OMG - that is eerily similar to my cat's behavior
although he always drank out of the sink - he has pretty much begun living in the bathroom and yelling. I keep going in to see if the faucet is dripping (yes I have to leave a faucet dripping) and it is. He is more loving and requires more attention. When my daughter goes in to take a shower he yells outside the door like he is dying. I will say that I know that crystals forming sometimes indicates antifreeze ingestion - but there is no way your cat could have survived that. Thanks for the info. Maybe there is hope. He is eating now - with some coaxing.
No, but change in behavior might cause me to look for MySpace or other
s
Sweet. Very kittenish behavior.
Bet he'd have drooled on her if she'd have scratched his head. But the love bites might have hurt, LOL.
husband's behavior due to porn, LOL
His behavior is NOT due to porn. If his behavior is so bad it is due to HIM...nothing evil caused him to be this way, just him and his choices.
I don't get what's so wrong with porn? If consenting adults are in it and consulting adults are viewing it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It does not mean the person looking at it is a deviant. Geez...some of you people have some serious hang ups with sex and sexuality.
Try to loosen up a little ladies, maybe life would be a little more fun.
Old enough when I see immaturity and child-like behavior
Poor things.
Older cat's behavior- confusing me
My older girl says nothing, usually but today she is being very vocal, not like she is in pain but just sounding off. She has lost weight but gained 1/2 lb when I weighed her yesterday in 2 weeks (on medication for her appetite) but seems to be roaming so to speak, constantly walking around (usually sleeping) and wanting all attention from me and that is not usual for her. She seems to be pacing back and forth so to speak. Anyone have cat that theirs acted like this?
When my son was in second grade he had behavior issues (sm)
I know many may not agree with me, but I believe positive reinforcement for good behavior and negative consequences for bad behavior works. Every week our school sends home a folder with the child's "grades" for the week in schoolwork and behavior, with 4 being the best (pretty much unattainable for my son!) 3 being good, 2 being so-so, and 1 being really bad. I put him on an allowance schedule with chores he had to do with a certain allowance each week. HOWEVER his grades in his folder would greatly influence this allowance. Gettings 3s would keep his allowance the same, getting a 2 automatically took off $2 (he never got a one but that would have taken his whole $5 allowance). If he ever got a 4 he would get an additional $2. This worked really really well for him, but all children are different. Good luck!
i see it as a human behavior post.
x
You agree with her childish behavior?
I thought immature, totally out of character for a supposed-to-be-grown mother to boot and totally a turn-off for me and my family. I am so glad she is off there. I would hate to see her in any way rise to be the example of what an American Idol should be. Good riddance!
I turned 40 today! Please tell me something positive about it!
x
positive thoughts for a friend
Let me start by saying I can't believe how low some people will stoop. Just when I think I have heard just about everything, something else comes up.
My neighbor is the sweetest lady you could ever meet. The whole family is very nice and very giving. I have known them since I was very little and she used to babysit me and my sibs.
Three years ago, her daughter was a junior in high school and ended up pregnant by one of the "jocks." They dated for over a year but as soon as she ended up pregnant, he would have nothing to do with her (typical huh?.) I might also add that while his family is fairly well off, her family is not as fortunate but they are comfortable. The daughter decided to keep the baby and raise him with the help of her family since she was not getting help from the father of her little boy. I have kept him on occasion too and I just love this little guy.
Stacy finished high school and struggled to get her nursing degree, making a nice living for herself and Michael.
Last April, Stacy's dad passed away suddenly and now that everything is settled, she and her mother have come into some insurance money. Not a gigantic sum of money but nothing to sneeze at. Let's say its a couple hundred thousand.
After almost 4 years of nothing from Michael's father or his family, he's come back around again. Of course, he has heard there is some money now! Apparently daddy has cut him off for some recent bad behavior and I won't say what that was. Not only that, his mommy now calls Stacy all the time wanting to see her "grand baby." Oh BARF! Give me a break! Michael will be FOUR very very soon and NOW they want to see him?
Something really stinks.
Please send Stacy positive thoughts. I don't think she will give him (dad) the time of day, nor grandma either since she encouraged him leaving her behind but, you never know.
He really broke her heart when he just started pretending he never even knew her. He doesn't deserve her or Michael.
Thanks for all your positive help, case closed sm
I am going to close this query now. I have had many wonderful e-mails and help on the board which I can print (well, most) and make a little portfolio for him to get some ideas. His wife has been working double shifts nursing to make ends meet and he has been caring for the kids and doing all to make the holiday reasonably good for them. He's been doing all nighters on researching and the company is very impressed with all the research he's done on his new job and product and are going to travel here to meet him and work with him to get him started, Everyone is positive and anxious to make this new innovative product introduction a success. There are no coincidences and paying it forward has been our family's way of life and we are grateful to all who e-mailed and posted positive little hints to ease the transition, we are from a small rural area and am not familiar with that area. Thank God for good people in the Christmas Spirit. I've helped many on the boards throughout the years under another name and feel fully rewarded. I will continue to pay it forward myself and God bless you great people. We had a death in his wife's family over the holidays which we were unprepared for and travel arrangements, funeral plans, babysitting, eulogy, etc.had to be prepared, and you made our life so much easier and renewed our faith. I will close the subject now, it has been a lesson in life, that's for sure.! The end - Merry Christmas to those who passed on their holiday helping spirit. You helped us through a difficult time. Thanks so much to the helpers (and I made some new wonderful friends.). God Bless!
Great and positive post. - nm
xx
sending positive thoughts
Hope everything works out for you. . My brother and his daughter have barely spoken to each other for over 12 years. . He now has 2 grandchildren. . I hope he will make that same first step you are making to mend fences. . Life is short - it's time for you to enjoy your grandchildren!
Positive sayings from your childhood
What sayings do you remember your parents telling you?
Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.
that doesn't sound very positive!!
x
I think I remember it because it was a very positive experience...sm
you guys don't know how much you actually helped ole MTME4vr (that's me) thru some very dark days.
It did get kind of strange and intense with all the crazy anecdotes and side stories during the guessing games. Call me weird, I miss it terribly!! HAA! HAA!
Then everybody ended up either sick or injured, that was a rough spell!
Hey do you remember the story about one of the gang, think it might have been MTSara, went to the door and her neighbors were out in the yard arguing in their underwear?? ZOIKS!!
What's the penalty for testing positive?
How long before they can straighten up and test negative? Does this mean for the rest of their lives, they will never receive any welfare benefits becase they smoked a joint?
Would I the taxpayer have to pay for the drug testing that is performed this one time or multiple times? Would I have to pay more taxes when people are homeless? Would we need more homeless shelters? What would this cost the taxpayers in the long haul? Is every applicant tested? Where is this information for the results of the drug testing stored, in a police database? What type of rehab if the test is positive would be offered, if any? Would the person serve time for being under the influence? Would this cause me to have to serve jury duty more often? Would they also be screened for alcohol? What type of future ramifications are in order if and when they do get a job? Would the prospective employer be notified that welfare was not granted due to drug use/intoxication?
Not an easy task is it?
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