When did parents stop paying attention?
Posted By: Appalled on 2007-10-04
In Reply to:
I'm nearly done raising my kids, and they're good kids. In addition, I've been a boy scout leader for 12 years, so often I'm around a lot of really good kids who have parents who care. Tonight I was helping out a cub scout meeting with a bunch of bright-eyed, energetic cubs. Two of our older boys, 12-year-olds from the boy scout troop were also helping out. At one point, the kids all went outside with the den leader and another parent to do an activity. This was around 7:30 p.m. and it was dark outside. One of the boy scouts came back inside to get me. He wanted to let me know that they had to move the cubbies away from some "bigger" kids outside. Turns out, there were some 9th graders hanging out at the back of the school building where we meet. They were sitting near the playground, smoking and filling an empty 2-liter soda bottle with smoke, making smoke rings. They weren't particularly noisy, but their language was atrocious. Obviously, we didn't want that example near the little ones.
So I walked over and said to them in a calm voice, "Hey folks, I'm bringing some 2nd graders around here, and I'd like for you to move off the property." They just looked at me with an "I-hate-the-world" look, rolled their eyes and said, "Yeah, sure." Of course, there was no movement. I say, "I've asked you nicely once. You move now. You don't get another warning." One of our scout dads started heading over at that point. He's a big man about 300 pounds. These kids, two boys and a girl, started spewing language you wouldn't want a longshoreman to hear. I'm no prude, and I've done less than bright things as a teenager, and I've paid my dues working with some troubled kids. I wasn't shocked by the language, though, I didn't like it at all.
I did, at one point, say to them, "Look, can you do this at home?" The girl's reply was, "Yeah, my parents aren't old."
That one actually made me laugh. I said to her, "Well, if it's ok to do this at home, then that's a good place to be. You can't be here." She started screeching about how adults just don't show respect to her, and I laughed and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, really sorry. Because that means you don't understand that you are being treated just the way you are asking me to treat you. In fact, I'm being way more patient than I need to be." I know she didn't understand. Nothing was out of bounds with these kids. The other adult with me made a remark to them about how little he thought of their parents because of their behavior. One overly-brave kid said that his parents were fantastic and let him do whatever he wanted. Yeah. That was pretty obvious. He told us we shouldn't be disrespecting his parents. I told him that I would never want to do that. Would he, therefore, please go home, tell his parents what happened and send them back down to me. I'd be there for the next 30 minutes. No one showed of, of course.
What gets me isn't so much the smoking, the lack of concern about the example they set for the little children nearby, or the language. Certainly, all of that was awful. But the big problem was the complete lack of respect they have for anyone else, especially adults. And as they behaved like obnoxious brats, they preached about how they should be treated with respect! I hear this over and over form kids. If I can get them to actually have a decent dialogue, I usually ask the kids to define respect. They generally give me a correct definition, but that's not what they are asking for. What they really mean when they say that adults don't respect them is, "You won't let me do what I want to do."
So when did parents stop teaching kids these basic rules of conduct, and when did parents forget to really teach children about respect for others and respect for themselves? I'd be absolutely sure the world was going to Hades in a handbasket if it weren't for the really wonderful kids I work with each week. "My" boy scouts are great kids!
Unfortunately, the 12-year-old boy scout who called my attention to the loitering kids saw most of the exchange above. But later he came to me and said, "You know what? Now I know why you are constantly on top of us about our language and our behavior at scouts."
"Really? Why's that?"
"Those kids don't even realize that what they were doing was so awful. They think they have a right to argue and yell and curse. They do it all the time at school, so they think it's o.k. If you were to let us do that all the time, we'd think it was o.k., too."
Now there's a kid who will go far! And it was one of my payoff moments in scouts!
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Good, does that mean I can stop paying taxes? - nm
x
I blame the parents. Children are not getting the love and attention
xx
Stop! Stop! Memories
Keypunch machines. That's why my hearing is a bit off now. LOL
First personal computer and printer: An Epson and continuous paper printer with DOS operating system. Cost: $3500.
I still have my mood rings and my torquoise jewelry but lost my class ring in the grocery store.It was expensive, $50, black onxy stone and gold band.
Snowstorms that shut the towns down for days on end. Couldn't get out to go to work unless you worked close to home and could walk. Schools never shut down. Five of us walked a mile a day to school with snow up to our hips. Our lessons for the day? Study hall.
My first car was a ི Chevy coupe. Gas was $.27 a gallon and I chauffered 5 friends to and from school for $.25 a week. On Friday and Sat. nights there was a dance with a group that became 'almost famous.' They got as far as the Steel Pier in Atlantic City dance club. It was a big deal to be on TV in those days. On those nights, I would go to the next town and pick up anybody hitch hiking to the dance. (I wasn't allowed to go to the dances). I wired the car with an older portable record player that only played 45s and kept my records under the seat.Worked great except when I would hit a bump. LOL
Bandstand every day from 3:30 to 5:00 EST.
Sleigh riding in the winter on our Flexible Flyer. We did it on steep coal banks. Much better thrill. Then we found out cardboard worked even better. No getting stuck halfway down the bank because the sleigh rails would hit a larger piece of coal sticking up.
Hide-and-seek when it got dark. I missed the pole and hit face first. What a bloody mess, but you didn't run to the ER for it.
Throwing corn at the nasty neighbor's house at Halloween. He called the cops. We ran and hid. I was caught. Where was I hiding? In the neighbor's garbage pile. Today garbage piles are called compost piles.
I think someone liked the attention
The "I'm so appalled" act is just that, an act.
I can't imagine being that needy of male attention beyond high school or college age, but that's what I'm reading into this one.
Most likely it was done for attention, like
everything else she's been doing. That's what you have to do when everybody has already seen your shaved nether-regions, I guess.
She does it for the attention, especially if she's sm
grinning at you afterward. I would just put her in the playpen or in the middle of the livingroom floor where she can't bang into anything or hurt herself and walk away. If she doesn't get a reaction, it won't be fun anymore. Good luck. They can be real stinkers, even at that young age.
He only wants attention
He only wants back what he had before, which was someone taking care of him financially and other ways. His threats of suicide are only to make you feel sorry for him and do what he wants. basically a form of manipulation. A person who truly wants to end his life will not "threaten", but just do it. been there with others in my family. If you "allow" him to manipulate you, you are feeding his problem. Make him stand on his own and either make it or fail. If he fails enough, he will learn to make it on his own. Don't take up his whining. Don't give into his "demands." Don't answer the phone. Don't answer the door. When he can't find someone to feel sorry for him, he will move on to the next target, or try it on his own. He has just never grown up. He has been catered to all his life and wants that to not change. My mother is the same way. You have to be strong. You have to disassociate. It's hard, but "tough love." good luck to you.
Just pay attention
to what he says and does in the future. It may have had harmless intent, but if he really is looking to use you, it will keep showing up in various ways.
ya really think the cashiers even PAY ATTENTION????
She's getting waaaay too much attention
I heard she was offered a half million dollar contract to be a spokesperson for an adult DVD company.
THANK YOU for bringing that to my attention
I totally agree, and I signed the petition. I wish they would pass a similar bill about childbirth. Some women can only stay in the hospital 24 hours after their child is born (or it may be 24 hours total, I'm not sure). Or at least that's all their insurance will pay for, if it is a healthy birth with no complications.
I am currently fighting with my HMO about a medication that I desperately need. At the moment I am buying it through a "Canadian pharmacy" (based in New York state) and it is sent to me from Mumbai, India. In the U.S., the medication costs $10.00 a pill!!! Through this pharmacy, I get it for $1.77 a pill. But it is still more than twice what my normal co-pay would be if the $#@%#$ HMO would cover it.
So any kind of insurance reform bills that ANYONE knows about, PLEASE pass the info along. Thanks!
This sounds more like a way to get attention.
If he's feeling like he wants to do things himself, then let him. I think if you feed into it then that would make him do it more. I would simply say to him "Okay, if you're not going to be nice, then Mommy is leaving the room now". Tell him to let you know when he can be nice and you'll come back to play or show him things. He does probably know this behavior causes quite a stir with you. He'll most likely grow out of it though. I think all kids have temper tantrums. It is part of growing up. Some adults even still to this day throw temper tantrums, so go figure! I'm sure things will work themselves out.
P/S: Reward him for good behavior and time out or not giving him attention for bad behavior. Put a chart on the refrigerator so that he can keep track himself when he is nice and watch how fast he wants to be nice so he can put the sticker on the chart or what have you! 
Sounds like he got a LOT of attention
x
I'll bet if you pay attention
you will discover some fears. Some you might not recognize as fear but insecurities are fears and everyone has some.
I think that attention-seeker should definitely
give her poor mom a break, and quit sponging off her. Then she could hire a couple Super-nannies to take care of all those kids, and pay her own medical bills for them, instead of us taxpayers.
I think she'd be an excellent porn-star. She's halfway there already.
People should pay attention and put posts on
nm
Media and attention seekers...sm
There is nothing wrong with "children today" anymore than children of any other day. Half the problem is the media and all the attention they are giving this and other similar things of this nature. The media are reporting every shooting, every violent act they can get their hands on and grouping them together because people watch this crap. Bad things happen every day and will continue to happen. It's just part of life. The more media attention things like this get, the more people wanting attention will copy it.
Pay attention to post above hypothyroid too
because I, after taking Synthroid for years and having the excessive hair loss among other things, came to this board and was told about Armour and I went to my physician and told him that was what I wanted and got onto that. The itching immediately went away, the coldness stays with me as soon as the temperature dips, have cold extremities always in the winter months and as I said before, still have moments of absolute exhausation where I take time to just recline and spend about 30 minutes there. I told my daughter about my diagnosis but could not find on my maternal side a previous diagnosis. Asking my father, he was unable to give me any history on his side so I figured we just ought to do a DNA. Just kidding. Good luck!
They need it all - Love, attention and Discipline (sm)
Not saying my two will never do anything wrong - they are 10 and 7 - but I shower them with love and attention - However, they know what lines not to cross too. However in the case above, it just sounds like pure out neglect -my 10 year old would not be somewhere without me knowing it to begin with (nor when he is 12 for that matter)and it would not even cross his mind to do something like that. I would think he had gone totally insane!
Could be an attention/jealously thing too - sm
Why did dad take both kids to the game? Yeah its a lot harder with a little one but he needs to learn how to act when out in public too. We started taking ours out to dinner with us at a young age. They know how to act in a resturant and behave because of it. As for his comment on how hard can it be, this Saturday I'd dump the 3-y/o on him and go out for the entire day and see how he copes. My 2 (girls) have always been pretty good, they have had their moments and I have used time-outs, spanking, taking away treats/toys, etc. But are you right on target ignoring it, just walk away and let him scream, if he makes a mess have him (help) clean it up after he is done wailing. As it maybe being a cry for more of your attention or your husbands, are you working more than usual right now, do you spend any 1:1 time with him for say 20-30 minutes a day? If he doesn't get much of that then try making some time for him and get your DH to take him somewhere too just the 2 of them (granted if he is anything like my DH he never has the kids.....mine just started doing stuff with them on his own about 2 years ago when they were 5 and 7, so I get the rare 3 hours to myself on Saturday if he takes them to the movies or bowling). But your DH definitely needs to get a clue.
he wants your attention; take an hour and play with him
nm
Sounds like she is trying to get attention to me and it is working. sm
Can you not call and speak to the counselor yourself rather than your son? I couldn't confront the mother either but the counselor could if she saw it fit.
But look at all the attention you get every time you post about it. sm
As Dr. Phil would say, you're getting something out of this drama. You're getting all kinds of attention and pity. You spend a lot of time recounting all the details of every encounter on here.
I think lots of times it is the 1 you don't pay attention to
How about the 17 year old in Germany that killed so many today. He was an average student, blended in, no problems before in his life and suddenly goes on a rampage, goes back to his old high school and shoots at random. I probably would be taking a 5 years old's comment like this with a grain of salt knowing the age. I would let it go this time but if it continued then I would think who would be the most objective, the parents, someone at school and that is who I would approach. The parents might even be worse than this kid. I have seen really bad kid before and what do you know, the parent just as bad.
And I think someone is jealous, what's wrong, no male attention for you? lol
I totally agree with the OP. I too have been inappropriately treated by men, uncomfortable staring or smiling or flitatious comments and it gets a little tiresome. The problem is that men never grow up. They would do this into their 90s if they could still see!
yup - back and CRAVING attention, as usual...n/m
Attention: Anon....website for stepmoms
Anon,
I read your post about your stepson. I just wanted to let you know that I belong to a wonderful website that allows stepmoms to talk about their issues, give advice, share positives thoughts, vent, etc. I have learned a lot from the wonderful ladies on there. Here is the website if your are interested.
www.stepsforstepmothers.com
Pay close attention to the post above...It is righter than rain!!!
NM
Imagine that men are checking me out? Hardley the case! Starved for attention? Nope just asking a qu
other people's intelligent comments, I was not looking for ignorant assumptions! Starved for attention? Not exactly. Is that a problem that you yourself are facing?
Had you have read all of my posts (OP) you would see that I was only looking for comments from others to see if this was odd behavior or not...and I thanked everyone for their comments regardless of their answers! I was not looking to start a fight here! Please do not be nasty! It is not necessary! We are all adults here!
She's paying for it
You can be sure she is paying for the extra attention. Also, the hospital likely insisted that all that security be provided, not because they are necessarly worried about Britney but about people trying to get near her. The last thing they want is for her to get harmed while she's in their institution.
Usually if there is a VIP patient, they don't keep the chart all in one place - they parse it out in 3 or more different locations under lock and key.
Britney has always gotten that kind of treatment - when she was in Mousekeeters, everyone had to leave the gym where she worked out when she came for her exercise. Britney is a little snot, always has been even as a young teenager - turns on the sweetness for the cameras. Millions of people have bought her act.
However, I do feel for her in her present situation and hope she can turn her life around now.
Me again, tell you what I did about paying a bill for a dog
like I said above, huge animal lover. I have 3 furkids but a friend of mine whose son is a druggie, was not seeing about his dog. The dog needed an operation for a growth on his foot. I paid over $1000.00 for that and now I buy my newly adopted doggie its medicine each month. I never give my friend money because want the money to go for the doggie, not drugs for her kid but you can believe I am seeing the doggie is comfy!
Okay, I don't mind paying
to make sure everything is in order! Thanks for all the advice!
...paying for it himself out of his PT job earnings. nm
s
paying for college
I have two sons in college right now ...one out-of-state, one in a private university. They both end up getting paid to go to school because they have so many scholorships. Did the high school counselor help me find any....NO. We are in a small town and I got no help from the school or town. Neither one of my sons played any sports...but I will tell you what I found out...what is more important is that your child is involved in school and the community. They don't care if they have ever worked a day in their life...they want to know what they have done in school grade wise, and community wise. Even just ringing the bells for the Salvation Army at Chrismtas time will earn you a scholorship. I filled out over 56 scholorships for both my sons to go to school for free...you just have to learn as you go how to word answers on the scholorships. We are not poor but we are not rich...but we made to much money to get any FAFSA help.
paying off bills
In our case, we refinanced through someone in our church who had a refinance company. It included all our credit cards and no, we did not have to cut them up. We still have them and DO NOT EVER USE THEM. It also included paying off our cars. The reason we had so much debt is because I wasn't able to get enough work at that time, now it is great and I can only say we pray and God has blessed us above measure, more than we deserve.
paying off bills
BTW we also pay an extra $100 each month on our mortgage. Years ago someone told us to do that and were never able to until now. Yes, I work hard, but we are doing great and even eat out once or twice a wk and sometimes more. This friend in our church also agreed paying the extra $100 a month. I have heard other fincance people on the Christian radio station saying the same thing, so it does make sense. You pay the extra amount on the principal only.
paying bills
x
Same here paying bills - NM
NM
I am not against paying for your child's
but I have no intention of doing that for my own children. There are so many kids out there who have everything handed to them. I believe it will teach my children the value of a dollar and the value of their education if they pay for it themselves or with scholarships and hard work. I do encourage them to keep their grades up and will encourage them to apply for scholarships, grants, etc. I think either parent should have to foot the bill for college. If they want to, great; if not, I don't believe the court system should get involved.
Wow if you & hubs are paying that much
in taxes and didn't qualify for stimulus check (because you make too much?), ya'll must be rakin' it in!! Don't think you deserve much sympathy either, right? I know you we're asking for it, but seems a little harsh to kick someone when they're down...
Paying down debt
It is getting harder to make ends meet because of all the straws in our bank account. I have 17k in CC dept alone. It is with 4 different CC companies. One CC has $200, #2 has about 4K, #3 has about 2K, #4 has 10k. The 10K one has a 15 % APR, the others I believe range from 24% to 29% APR. My biggest monthly payment is my house and I owe only $4700 on it and it has 6.3% APR. I sold some things and am getting $5K and that will be enough to pay off my house. I would love to finally, officialy own this house and get rid of that $350 monthly pmt, but I wonder if I should not pay down on the CC because of the high interest rates. Any opinions. TIA.
Paying Down Debt
I feel you, believe me. First, Bravo to you for facing this. That's the hardest part. I think if you are so close to paying off your house, you wouldn't want to take out yet another loan against it. Additionally, the interest rates aren't that great. What is the total of payments you are making on your credit cards? If you can slap that 5000.00 on your debt first on all of the higher interest ones perhaps paying some of them off. That will free up extra money to put on the rest of your credit cards. Then once the credit cards are paid off, you can then work on the mortgage (I WISH I had your mortgage..). Also we work in an industry where it is easy to pick up extra work---have you thought of that just to get extra money to pay off the debt? That's what I'm trying to do. Things are just so bad right now. Good luck, hope this helps...
Forgot to add - what about them paying
for their part of the cell phone bill as well as insurance on their vehicle?
You are not paying for a thing that does not benefit you, obviously.
x
Remember you are paying him big bucks
My nephew is a mortgage broker and they make good money -- put in a lot of time but that 1 to 3% loan initiation fee can be quite steep. It is not like they are doing a favor for you so speak up. Go above his head ask to talk with a supervisor, anything. Be nice about it but remember you are paying him a lot of money and so he is working for you and so speak up. You don't have to be nasty but tell him your concerns and ask that you speak to his supervisor. Good luck.
Curious as to who is paying for the wedding?
x
You are kidding about paying $2 more an hour??
I find most Americans, regardless of their race, creed, religion, etc., etc. wanting to work. I have never had to worry if I hire the Mexicans here in town to work, show them what and your job is done. I have a lady who cleans (black) and I usually have to make a list and even then she wants to sit down most of the time. Have used all but found get my work done with south of the border folks.
I'm paying for all those wives and kids...
They only claim one wife as a legal wife, so the others they marry are married in the church but not on paper, so they think they are getting by with polygamy. So what happens to all those wives with children? They go to the welfare office, since they are single moms ( no marriage certificate), they are eligible for Medicaid, my taxes to pay for their children, food stamps, on and on. That is fraud and they should be ashamed of themselves, since they know exactly what they are doing... where is their religion in all this? This is scheming.....they call it "bleeding the beast", meaning the government. Of course, they do not care that it is the taxpayer's dollar, because they consider themselves better than the "outside world", since they believe they are the chosen people anyway.
Oops, should have been paying off a debt
/
insurance not paying for meds
Insurance said I had to be on Medicare before they would pay for Celebrex even with rheumatologist asking for exemption.
Plan on paying off my cards too sm
as soon as I get my settlement. Plan to tell them that I refuse to bankroll their bonuses, parties and whatnot anymore and they can put their credit you know where. I didn't get a bailout--all I got was higher interest rates.
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