What kind of parent gives their child permission to break the law?
Posted By: deb on 2009-05-31
In Reply to: What would you do? - thread
How do you know for sure there's only going to be 3 people there? Any adults? What kind of alcohol? How much? Will she end up in the ER close to death from alcohol poisoning? She knows it's not right or she wouldn't have asked. Telling her it's okay to break the law - you'd better hope nothing bad happens, she will be telling the police or whatever that she had your permission (and are you going to lie and deny it, putting it all on her?)
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Stealing child: How to break the habit??? sm
We have a 6-year-old foster child whose birth mom had a stealing problem. Our 6-year-old has had several episodes where she was caught stealing both before she came to live with us and since moving in with us. Conversations with her about it being wrong to steal, talking with the caseworker, psychologist & even a policeman have helped but occasionally she steals something from a store anyway. The last episode was this weekend when she stole some nail polish when my husband turned his back for a moment, even when she was being allowed to buy some lip gloss she was wanting.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to get her to stop stealing? I've talked to the local juvenile court system and all they said was they couldn't do anything unless she is actually arrested.... which of course we're trying to stop. Of note her biological mother had a problem with being arrested several times for stealing and even though it's not documented, we suspect that this child would see her mother steal or her mom had her steal at times for her. There are plenty of times we can go into a store without problems with her, it's only every few months she steals.
Thank you.
If a child is a minor, it is the parent's
responsibility to get them to school and make sure they stay there. One mother here in my town had to go and sit with her daughter at school everyday for a while just to be sure she was there.
I just don't see why any parent would just allow a child decide to move out
It makes no sense to me. He is 16 years old and still a child. I guess I just don't understand how you have no problem with him deciding to move out and not even try to do anything about it other than take his house key. It sounds as though this 16-year old is running the show here. The whole thing is very disturbing to me.
Why is a parent volunteer in charge of the ESL child?!? sm
I'm astounded that this task is being left to someone who is not even a teacher, let alone not a specialist. Is this a financially depressed area/school that has lack of funding for such programs? Or a school that normally doesn't have ESL kids and they just don't know what to do with him?
Bless you for trying, I don't have any answers, just a dumbfounded look on my face.
You're the parent, she's a minor child
This is sadly too common. Your daughter is pushing your bottons in a big way.
I remember being that age and partying it up. One day it just became very boring and that was the end of it. Sadly, many people I knew didn't have it quite that easy.
My first real love and a friend of his were killed from DWI at 19. Not only did they hit a car with a family of 6 (who managed to live), the rest of us had 2 funerals to go to. The priest for my boyfriend's funeral was actually his uncle!
The pattern she displays is not good. Many "good girls" hit this age and venture into situations which they're ill-equipped to handle.
My guess is that she's doing plenty more than she says. It's not that she doesn't love you.
I have no idea how expensive it is to get a drug test done on her hair, but that may be one avenue. Of course, it'd be easy to get hair from a brush, etc. I have no idea how you could get a UDS unless you simply asked her point-blank for one (since she claims she has nothing to hide). I'm just not buying it, I'm sorry to say.
About 2-3 years ago a friend of mine from high school was found dead in her apt. from alcoholism. This was one of the girls who had parties at her house in high school. She didn't even live to see 50 and died alone, sick, and miserable. When I found out from another friend I was surprised at first, but started retracing backwards and it was clear as a bell. Her father was an alcoholic. We didn't realize the significance of alcoholism in previous generations like we do now.
I also agree with another post I read about that this is "your" home, so she needs to abide by your rules. Of course, Dr. Phil says that all the time, too.
I can't have kids, but I remember being one. Speaking of Dr. Phil, maybe you could check his boards, too.
It's so frustrating to get to this point, but just know that many here will support you and offer as much advice as possible, even if it may be from an MT without kids.
Please keep us posted, and best of luck to you.
If I have the money for something I can buy it - without asking permission! nm
x
In Florida where we lived, we did get permission slips
nm
In Georgia, we receive permission slips also.
I don't think they should have to check every child's record before administering any MEDICAL testing, but I definitely think permission slips are in order.
For several years I signed a permission slip
for a scoliosis test for my daughter. I know she has a curve. She has to go for an x-ray every year to see if there has been any progression,and there has been slight progression but not enough to do anything yet. I have never once recieved anything from the school stating that we should get this checked. School nurse has always said she was fine.
I grew up in FL, too, and we got these every couple of years, no permission slips. sm
I forget who did it, but it was one of the service organizations in town. The Lions Club did the hearing tests, somebody else did vision. They do it as a service to those families who either can't afford the exam or are just ignorant to the fact that it should be done. There's nothing invasive about it, it's a service to the community. I understand your kid has a special situation, but save your energy for something bigger.
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
The drinkin kind or the rubbin kind?? sm
So....is that for me to drink so I don't notice or care that my hands are all splotchy black or to get the ink off?  Seriously though, do I use the rubbing alcohol - or like Jack Daniels?? and do I soak in it or what? I never heard of using alcohol but I'll try anything.
Well...I took a break for a while but... (sm)
I left the field for a year and came back. It does get old but...so did my other job. And the other job had other problems too - you're 5 minutes late, fill out a little pink form, etc., etc. and the commute was awful. And then there are the office politics. Basically, I try to find exciting things to do when I am not working and I limit my hours. Even though I work at home, I have pretty well set hours and I try not to do other than those. I find that the earlier I get up and get going, even though I am not a morning person, the earlier I finish and the better I am able to focus while I'm working. All I can say is, the grass isn't greener anywhere else - There is a different set or problems with every job. BUT My ass is also ever-expanding haha!! And a break in the sunshine is always nice!! You don't get to do that when you work in most offices.
Oh cut me a break?
Are you kidding me?  This kind of stuff happens all of the time even when you are WATCHING them! Get a life!  To the OP, this kind of stuff happens all of the time. You are doing the right thing being at home with your child. As if..... Boy just when you think you've seen it all on this board! Someone comes on with a one-liner-NM statement like that. 
As a kid I would break them
and roll the mercury around in my hand. Little did I know that I could "glow" one of these days by doing that.
Break myself from
visiting sites like these after every 2 charts are typed.
I feel that is best too. I have been kind, very kind, to this ...sm
child since he moved here in March. I also am not one of those parent's that thinks my children are perfect. You never know what they might do out of your presence. I do know how I have raised them though and I am all for getting them all together when there is a problem and getting to the bottom of it but anymore that doesn't seem to work. The parents automatically get defensive and start making excuses, etc. I'm going to look for somewhere else to move. I've lived here for 2-1/2 years and we never had a problem until this boy moved in. His mother is a piece of work.
GIVE ME A BREAK
If she can afford a Cadillac Escalade, then why is she on food stamps? This has nothing to do people who DESERVE the aid given to them in this country via food stamps or anything else. It's about the people who lie and abuse the system and YOU and I PAY for it in our taxes. Open your mind.....not your legs!!
Here's how we break down our $1000....sm
4 of us living in the house receive gifts totaling no more than $110 (including Santa gifts), so that's $440.
My husband's parents and my mom receive gifts that $50-75, so we allot $225 for the parent gifts.
My husband and I have 4 siblings & spouses between us and they receive gifts that cost no more than $25 each. That's $200.
We have 4 nephews/nieces and they're allotted $20/gift, so that's $80.
The remaining $55 is spent on the little $5 gifts for teachers, close friends and neighbors... usually we bake things or pick up nick-nack things to keep it under $5. Any gift that comes under budget has that surplus added to the gifts for us "basic 4" - which helps my husband and kids focus on watching sale ads and surfing the net for deals for decent gifts.
This year I got some incredible deals on eBay. For my husband I bought a brand new with tags still on it Ralph Lauren suit for $50, including the shipping, and another brand new suit with tags on it for $35 including shipping. For our parents we got a deal with Omaha Steaks where for $60 including shipping they receive a bunch of steaks, pork chops, potatoes and all sorts of stuff. I'm on their e-mail list and when we get notices of the "super sales" we buy most of our meat from them as many of their sales make it cheaper than the stores, and the quality of the food is superb.
Something else needs to break on your computer.
Bake him another pie! :)
What a nice break!
Only 24 hours though, seriously?! That's just too danged short!
I went there maybe 10 years ago and went to the keys...oh wow just gorgeous. LOVE the fact that there are a ton of "tiki" bars serving fruity drinks almost everywhere down there. We took our rental car and DROVE right on Daytona Beach! I dunno if you can still do that or not but it was incredibly fun!
When it was time to go home I actually cried. On the drive back to the airport we pulled over some place and took a walk through some sort of boardwalk in a swamp and saw a few spiders that were as big as my head. I got totally heebed out and deciced it was really time to go back to New England, cause that just ain't right.
Glad you had a safe trip and welcome back!
My drink on break
I think today at the mall I will order something to drink that I hate instead of getting what I like. That way I can complain. Same theory as continuing to read what one considers immature and boring in lieu of just going on and developing your own constructive topics that you like.
PJs first thing until my 1st break...
:))
Give her a break.
From her posts it sounds to me like she is just very concerned for her friend. I take it you don't have anyone that you're that close too. I have a best friend who lives across the street. We talk all the time and see each other almost every day. If all of sudden she just stopped for whatever reason I'd be very concerned. And yes, I have a life. To the OP, just keep being a friend. Hopefully once the baby is older and she starts to feel better, things will get back to normal. I don't see anything wrong with at least sending a card.
I'm on my way! Have to wait for break! NM
xx
MIL is lonely, cut her a break! nm
.
Give me a break........
You are upset by her calling a dog stupid? Goodness gracious people. Someone complains about their elderly mother with medical problems being bothered by dogs and all you can say is to not call the dog stupid. Sheesh. Some people just amaze me.
How do I break this cycle?
I admit I have spoiled my furbabies (3 cats) with treats and now I have to pay the piper so to speak. The furries are worse than children. As I sit at my desk working during the day they come and they meow and they meow and, well you get the idea. When husband is off, they are very quiet and do not approach my work space. How in the world do I break them from this addiction to the treats they have? If I shut my door they just meow outside the door so that is no help. Any suggestions? .
Spring Break
Our Spring Break is the week of the 13th. That's one of the weeks I take off from work so we can do things with the kids. Usually we take our vacation then and go away. Luckily it's usually half way decent here so at least the kids can go out and get some fresh air and play with the other kids in the neighborhood. Does your school district have any type of program for the kids during the break? Here there's a camp that the kids can go to at various locations.
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Why doesn't he break up with his girlfriend?
??
Oh, lordy....gimme a break.
Where does this person LIVE???!!! Yucky, yucky, yucky...I feel gross after just reading it and picturing these things. Ptouey!! This woman needs some meds, and quick!
Robe until first break (I start at 4 am)...
then shower at 6 am and put on yoga pants and comfy shirt. Sometimes even put on a bit of make up just in case someone shows up! A bit more professional than working in robe or jammies all day!
I am sure in would break my MILs heart too but - sm
we spent the day up there for TG; my FIL spent about 10 minutes watching them play outside, then retreated to his recliner and read a book the whole day; my MIL spent absolutely no time with them at all; after all her whining that she doesn't get to see the kids much, and no she was not busy in the kitchen for the 8 hours we were there. I pointed this out to my DH because I don't think he believed me when I said the times I have gone there to spent the night there with the kids, they barely interact with them. So I am sick of their whining (my In-laws) about not spending enough time with the kids.....my MIL couldn't resist a couple digs either but I just ignored them, maybe if she had actually played with them I'd bring them up more...my BIL actually played with them most of the time....
hate to break the news but...
if I saw something like I did back in the 80s today I stil could not take a picture, cellphone wise, camera or otherwise. don’t use my cell for pictures, don’t own a camera (movie or otherwise) - I guess would just have to keep to myself as I have done for those past years, nothing to document except my word.
Need a little YouTube break from typing? - sm
Then take a mini-tour of San Francisco, the way we skaters like to enjoy it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwe8B2o7EhE&feature=related
Huh? How did you break a tooth there that you wouldn't have (sm)
anywhere else?
Hate to break your heart
When I read the first part I thought that was an odd thing to say, especially since he keeps saying it. I would say to him "why wouldn't I believe it and why do you have to keep asking if I believe you". I don't know much about the relationship (long distance-local). If (and I'm just assuming this is an if) he is long distance he might have a wife or girlfriend. You can't trust what he says if you can't see the situation with your own eyes. If he hasn't called there is definitely something wrong (hence I would start to believe he has another girlfirend or wife). Have you ever been to this persons home, seen where he lives, or any of that?
The second part of the message is what bothered me. When someone borrows money no matter how much you care about them no matter how much they borrow they should pay it back. I know you care a lot about this person, but to lend someone money is a very dangerous thing. I know from experience.
We loaned my BIL some money about 4 years ago. We helped him get out of some payday loans and I went through his budget very very carefully and spent almost 3 weeks constructing a budget for him to live on to including a separate bill for paying us back (a certain amount each month), but this budget also included some "fun money" for him - not a lot but would give him the means to go to a movie or grab a pizza once a week. Anyway...here it is 4 years later and he has only paid us back less than half of what he ows us. He keeps giving us the line "I'm good for it" "I love you guys a lot" "You know you can trust me" "I won't let you down". I keep getting these "lines" from him (and he's my BIL). My point I am saying is this is my BIL and he keeps giving me the same type of lines it sound like this person is giving you.
Please be very very cautious with this relationship and just remember, there are hundreds of other fish in the sea who you will meet and will fall in love with you and won't have to add "I hope you believe that".
So, I hate to break your heart but I think he is taking advantage of your kindness and has no intentions of anything further. If I was in your shoes I'd send this person an email ditching him, and remove the email from my contact list and have no further contact with him.
My DH's motto that he keeps instilling into me for the past 25 years.... "Trust No One".
I've had to break into my own house more than once!! nm
x
Is there an easy way to break bad news? (sm)
I've been left in charge of our finances. Last year we ran into a blip on both of our parts - DH had his problems and my workload lessening to where I wasn't bringing in as much as before. I never dreamed it would come out, but it's about to and I'm not sure how to tell him. A few times during the past year, our car payment was late, not to mention I have made arrangements with a few credit cards to pay them off through a collector. As a result, we are not qualified for a home loan until one year from now. The mortgage lady told me to straighten up our unpaid bills and come back in a year.
DH doesn't know these things and now I have to tell him. It's not one or the other, it was both of us involved, but I didn't have enough money to make payments on the credit cards, they fell behind to the point of not being able to make the payments. He's asking me to find out if we would qualify for a home loan, but I already know the answer. How do I break this to him and that we need to take a year to straighten out our credit?
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
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