Well you're just plain rude, ma'am, sorry.

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but I will tell you this, most mothers are going to voice their opinions to their kids about how they did things compared to out YOU do things.  I think it's in the mother by-laws somewhere.  :)  My mother constantly tells me I'm too soft with my kids and I am.  My mother was a strict disciplinarian similar to your aunt when I was a kid.  Spankings were routine and generally with the belt or the fly swatter or any other object handy.  That's why I'm so soft.

I let me mother know early on after I became a mother, that my kids are MY KIDS.  She can give me advice and I'll always listen, but I will make the final decision on how and when to discipline my children and I and ONLY I (and DH too of course) will dole out any discipline necessary.  Nobody else has permission to spank my children, EVER! 

My mom and I get along pretty good now.  I accept that she will be nosy and pushy and she accepts that I will ignore her and not call for a few days when she gets on my nerves. 

I would just suggest being honest with your aunt and letting her know that you think you're a good mother, your DH thinks your a good mother and that your kids are doing fine and behave fine and if she doesn't think so, then she doesn't need to see the kids.

You called him a sociopath, then asked "doesn't he have any remorse or guilt?"  Well, no, not if he's a sociopath.  (Which I also think he is, BTW.) 

That's a big part of what makes someone a sociopath/physiopath (aka antisocial personality disorder) - not having a conscience or the ability to empathize about the feelings of others, among other things.  There are, (unfortunately) a lot of people in our society who are sociopaths, to some degree or other.  It's pretty scary.

He's a sickening man.  I've always wondered what it must be like for his two kids, being raised by the father who murdered your mother.  It always seemed insane to me that he was given custody of them.   

You said " I think it's pretty rude of smokers to smoke inside when youre sharing with a nonsmoker anyway."

I think its really, really rude to move into a house where there are smokers and just expect them to stop smoking in the house.  Because YOU don't like it.  Well, maybe they don't want to leave their comfort zone, drop what they're doing and go out into whatever weather and deal with the bugs, etc. just so YOU can be all comfortable instead.  Ever consider that?

And what's next - you inform them they can't eat meat in the house because YOU are a vegan, or some other fool thing? 

There are few enough places left that smokers can do their thing in comfort.  But you can bet every time they find one, sooner or later a nonsmoker will barge into that place and think they are entitled to punish and banish them for smoking.  Save everyone some grief and wait until you find a nonsmoking house to live in!