We have grown children and paid up condo. SM
Posted By: Holly Gopolitely on 2008-11-13
In Reply to: How many of you have a backup plan - jss
I think about advice I would give others. Getting any part-time job I could, delivering papers, selling Avon (people still buy Avon), renting room out in house. If elderly people near you, offer transportation or shopping service. One thing is, no matter what, no one should just sit around waiting for another job, be they male or female.
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Grown Children
True, not all families are the Cleavers. However, your tone comes accross very unloving towards your children. I find that sad. My oldest son (29) died in an accident. Open up and let your children get to know you before it is too late. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is simply too short.
Lilly
No, my children are both grown and I am not particularly fond
of home schooling. I think it deprives the children of much-needed social interaction and learning to get along in the real world. 
Our children are grown, our only grandchild is due to be
born tomorrow and we all talked about it and this year we are only going to buy 1 gift per person (except for the new grandson). So, our budget will be very small this year and, for once, I am actually not stressing about Christmas.
thought you said you offered to or paid for your children's
if you had that kind of money, that does not seem to meet welfare criteria to me.
condo
Is there a big difference in price? If not, I would go with the more expensive one but if there is a huge difference and you don't plan on spending time in the condo alot then go cheaper. If you like to be on the beach alot I would go with that one. Me personally would spend a little more and go on the beach!
How much time do you plan on spending in condo?
If it is just a place to sleep and shower while you do the tourist thing, I would go with the cheaper place. But if your plan is to spend time with family talking, hanging out, I would go to condo and relax on beach. The men can go golf while you relax on beach even. If there is a kitchen in the condo and not in the other place, you will save money on food, and it is always fun to hang in a kitchen, cook together, have a few drinks and a few laughs.
I live in condo and go to park to grill out. SM
I use an automatic lighter, but the thing stinks. It's just a cheapie thing, maybe they all are. Are there any better lighters out there? I'm not taking Sharper Image, but just something better you might use to light candles, start a fire or what not?
I'm sure I sound stupid. I'm not exactly Miss Handyperson. If anyone has any ideas, I would appreciate it. Or should I just go to Home Depot and try to find someone (which is the problem with that place) to help.
This has to be the dumbest question asked all day on this board, I know.
Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
This man's ego has grown so much it is
getting ready to bust and then he will realize his show has had its run and it is time to go away. I do think that for Ivanka to be so young she carried herself very well and had very intelligent things to say.
Grown and
several years ago.
if they are so grown then maybe they could
get out on their own?? Just a thought. It is the mothers home, not theirs and she pays to be the boss and therefore is. If kids so grown, let them have at it.
He's a grown-up man and obviously sm
sees a lot in you. I can understand your apprehension (BTDT), but you could possibly miss out on the best friend you could ever have. Enjoy his company, and enjoy a good life. Life is too short!
all grown up
If you work you can find a nice apartment even if your credit is poor. Everyone's credit is poor. Find yourself somewhere great to live and then tell him he is welcome to come if he wants. Then, go live your life!! It's hard to do, but, NO, not all men are selfish.
when they are grown and won't sm
follow the rules of the house then you have to make them get out on there own. I have two sons. We had to make both of them leave. The only rules we had were if you are not coming home, let us know. I always told them to give me a "ballpark" time when they would be home and if they were not going to come home then, just call me. I didn't really ask where they were at, kind of silly for 20 year old boys and they can tell you anything. But, for their own safety I told them always let someone know when you are NOT coming home. They didn't want to go by those rules and threw fits and we had to put them both out (not at the same time of course, they are different ages). The youngest is now a firefighter (32 years old), married, has his own business on the side. The oldest has his own business, lives out of state. They both did very well.
I see too many 40 year old kids living at home sponging off mom and dad and will never get anywhere doing that. It is a pattern they just keep doing over and over again.
Now if they are in school and doing well, working or not working depending on the school situation, I would not put them out UNLESS they didn't follow my rule and then I would not care if school was involved or not. I think this is why we have so many kids who will not grow up because we enable them to be this way. Just my opinion though. I didn't say it was easy, but it is necessary.
My son is NOT being childish. He is more grown up
And, since you mentioned it, both of my brothers are felons. One is already in the pen and the brother that my son does not want at the wedding will soon be going to the pen for what else - 3 counts second degree sexual assault. So, do you still think our son is childish?????? Not sure how you got the childish portion out of the original post to begin with!!!
As you said, you are grown as is he. Let it be. Is he questioning her sm
or her motives? It is not your place at all to say anything to your father about his impending wedding, honeymoon, etc. Now, if she was taking his money, squandering, etc., and not marrying him then that's another story. She obviously loves him and he loves her, so wish them well, be sweet and happy for him and move on with your own life.
I can sense your bitterness and you need to cut that out of your life. It's counter productive to be bitter and resentful. And, the Bible says it clearly: Bitterness rots your bones.
MAKING??? Isn't he a grown man? (nm)
x
I have always grown veggies - sm
And this year it looks like doing so will really pay off! I mean, for a few dollars I can get enough plants to cover my 100 sq feet of raised beds and really make a dent in the cost of produce, which we eat a lot of. Happy gardening! 
She is a grown woman and all you
can do is invite her and leave it at that.
my dear grown up former
Dear Son,
Remember when I carried you on my hip everywhere we went until you weighed 50 pounds? I still have a lopsided left arm and body. People would say to me, "when are you going to let him walk?" and I would say, "If I put him down, he will run off!"
Remember when I could not carry you anymore and you would take off in Sam's Club running and laughing just to see the look of horror on my face running after you, abandoning my cart?"
Remember how I had to buy an extra large pet harness at Pet Smart in bright purple and I put you in that leash whenever we were out in public?
Look at you now! All grown up and handsome and not one little trace of a leash! I love you, I would have taken 12 more just like you, I miss playing with you, and I am lucky to be your mom. You taught me all I ever wanted to know about glass replacement, first aid, and laughing until I peed my pants.
Love, Mom
Just wait until those roots have grown out
nm
does anyone besides me have a bad relationship with a grown daughter or son?
with one of your grown-up kids, or is it only me? My oldest daughter and I do not get along, never did. I love her, but am not sure if I like her. She is very selfish and self centered and it's all about her. Everyone else see's it but her. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but last night she sent me a letter saying basically she's done with me.....not sure at all where this is coming from. I really, really don't need this right now. So, is anyone else in any kind of a similar situation with an adult child? She's 38.
You are talking about grown-a.. folks
By goodness, you do not even see where you are going wrong, do you? What happens if you die suddenly? Do you think they would starve, I doubt it. They would get off their lazy behinds and make do. Why don’t you just let them move in on you and make it 1 big happy home? I do not just dole out money without a person trying to help themselves. You are making them both invalids but wait, you still have the grandkids to go. Lucky you. Don’t gripe when you are to blame for their not working and trying to live on their own. Look in the mirror.
"Romance novels" are all grown up now
Nora Roberts and Debbie Macomber are current faves of mine. Nora's books are a little more intense for the most part, Debbie's more funny and lighthearted. Yeah, they've got the requisite happy endings, but they're good fun reads for the most part, particularly Debbie's books.
My kids are grown, and I do NOT miss it!
I love my children, but bringing them up was the longest, hardest work that I ever did. The sheer exhaustion from never getting enough sleep made everything seem more difficult. But, we all came through it, and the payoff is the amazingly wonder relationships my children, husband and I have with each other as adults. We enjoy each other's company, and I'm so full of pride whenever I see my boys out in the world doing things on their own. After all, that was our goal all along... to raise up fine, responsible adults.
So I don't miss it, but I'm glad I did it. It was worth it. And my husband and I did a great job, if I do say so myself!
Yeah, well if he was grown up enough to take care
of your 5-year-old daughter, maybe you should have sent him to work. The nerve, a 13-year-old boy making his mommie work two jobs to support him.
Isn't that depending on welfare, too?
You are a joke. If I were a doctor, I would make sure you had a rubber room. By the way, making your son stay home and take care of your daughter was wrong. If you are as old as you say, it was wrong back then, as I am 37 and it was a big no no.
Nowadays, it is child neglect in a lot of places as 13 is expected to take care of no one but themselves for a long period of time.
For a grown woman you seem very dependent on
xx
Absolutely. I've known from age 9 (having grown up in --
a large family and the pandemonium that can be), that I wanted a quieter life than that. I like KIDS, but have never much cared for infants. They make me way too nervous. All that screaming they do overrides my Prozac level, and brings on homicidal thoughts. ;D
What would you do if your grown child told you
she felt like she had to walk on egg shells to be around you? Would you a) not be around her very much or at all or b) try to change who you are to fit in with what shethinks you should be like or c) just forget what she said? We are talking a 36 year old and I, her mother, on the other side of 65.
my kids aren't grown yet, but
I definitely would not put up with the 19-yo. He can get out and get a job. As for your daughter, I feel for her b/c she has kids. I'm not sure that I'd let her move in, though. She should look for some place cheaper to live. Offer to keep her kids for a day while she house hunts or apartment hunts. I also understand what she's going through with childcare expense. How old is the child she's asking you to watch this summer? Is he/she old enough to entertain himself -- 10 or 11? -- old enough to fix himself a lunchmeat sandwich and watch TV? If so, then I think if you could, you should consider watching him over the summer. $250 may not seem like much, but if she's able to find somewhere cheaper to live, it could be the difference between living on her own or moving in with you.
Obviously, you are under no obligation to help either of your children, but I suspect this situation bothers you because you care for them greatly. Maybe a compromise could work to benefit both of you. Good luck!
paid
Do you actually know how much he gets paid? Yes, great that he won 10 g's. My MIL is a teacher and she gets paid great. No underpaying there at all. It all depends where you work. Sometimes i question she is teaching our children the future?????
Paid for Doing their Job
My point was it's a good amount of pay for the hours put in. There are lots of jobs where the pay doesn't come any where close to what is deserved (sound familiar?), but that's not exclusive to the teaching profession.
If parents would be parents, teachers could be teachers. When my son was in high school I always attended the parent-teacher night. One of his teachers said something that rang so true. When I asked how my son was doing he replied, "He's doing great. Every parent I've met tonight has a son or daughter who is doing just great. Of the ones who are lost, struggling and failing, I have yet to meet one of their parents tonight." We talked for a bit and he told me regardless of the phone calls to home, the letters, the one-on-one time with a student in trouble, the parents never pitched in, never made an effort, and he was losing the battle with those that needed help.
I will never say say teachers have it easy. Teaching is a tough job. A social worker has a tough job. A roofer has a tough job. A nurse has a tough job. Where does it end? There are a multitude of underpaid professionals in our society. If you go into the teaching profession for the love of the job, so be it. You know, or should know, what the average salary is before you make the decision to get your degree. Eyes should be wide open.
Back to the beginning: hour for hour, day for day, if the time clock was punched, the salary and benefits a teacher earns is pretty darn good. Go after the parents for them to do THEIR job so the teacher can do what his/her salary reflects: TEACHING.
paid help
I am so blessed. My mom comes in once a week and does my bathrooms, kitchen/utility floors, vacuums, dusts. Has been doing this for years. I think if you can get someone for $15.00/hr. go for it. Mom only charges $10.00 an hour for her paying customers. Refuses to take money from me. Good luck!
I paid
the month thing so I can go on-line and that is helping me to keep with it and not get discouraged too. I figure it is a healthy way to eat and I paid so I may as well give it a month. I had foot surgery and have just been able to start walking with little to no pain now so that may help too. Thanks again!
I have seen young girls as well as grown women
behaving like this. My goodness, this young female apparently was so excited about seeing these stars- I probably would have been the same at her age, in fact as a young girl years and years ago remember meeting Sal Mineo who starred with James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause- I got to shake his hand and remembered not wanting to wash it again. What about the ladies throwing their panties to what is his name, Ingelbert Humperdink (spelling?) when he played in Las Vegas. I see nothing out of the ordinary in this young girls actions, not in the least. Seen it a lot of times in my lifetime.
We are talking about a 5-y/o here not grown wacko adults - sm
so it is not a diaper fetish. Odds are the child is looking for attention and as stated in numerous posts wants to be the baby again and have all the attention. If the mom can, she needs to spend some 1:1 time with her 5-y/o, maybe at bedtime, story reading, or just talking, or take him down to the corner store and leave the younger one at home with dad, etc. Anything really, just spent 15-30 minutes a day that is his time with him mom alone. I wouldn't get freaked about it. I have 2 girls and the one loves to play with her nipples and stroke her tummy. She is 7 and just exploring sensation at this point. I told her it is okay to do but in private, not in public. I am not making a big issue out of it; not that it is a big issue to begin with.
No glad my kids are grown and out of home...
Anyone who thinks their kids are bad - well get this 3 BROTHERS here 10, 12 and 14 charged with crimes related to their breaking and entering and then completely destroying a Headstart school. They threw not only paint and other solvents over the place but also left own bodily fluids such as feces and urine, totally destroying computers, games, floors, the whole building, probably over $100,000 damage. I thank my lucky stars I do not have to even think about putting up with that.
I think it's more IN-appropriate for a grown man to take/ask a woman for money. I know his type..
This is not anything new to him. This is how he survives. Chances are that he does have another "cash cow" so to speak in the wings. I've been there. I was stupid the first time just over 6 months of constantly bailing him out "so we could be together." Second time, I basically "paid" someone to be their friend for 3 years. I did everything in the world for him, mostly financial. I thought every time I helped him he would see what a great person I was and fall magically in love with me. Needless to say, he'd spent his life surviving by manipulating women and had no interest in me other than to support him. After I lost those 3 years, I regained my self-esteem and self-confidence that I deserved more. As far as I am concerned, no matter what the situation is, any man who takes money from a woman is worthless. That should be his last option. How about working more, getting a loan, anything but coming to you for money. I'm sorry to sound as if I am passing judgment but if I can save someone heartbreak I will try. My friend also spent a lifetime of supporting one deadbeat after another. Sometimes I think she subconsciously asked for it. She wanted to be needed. Yes, they were needy alright and needed her money but what she really wanted was just to be wanted. She had the two mixed up. The last guy that she dated for a year, through snooping in his computer unfortunately, found out he was on every personal ad site outthere including porn websites etc and had been meeting women AND men on the side while she handed out the cash believing he would marry her. Crushed was not the word for it. Sorry so long.. and as a side note...after 8 years of singlehood, I found my Prince Charming who spoils me rotten. I have never given him a dime and he has given me the world. They are out there.
I had a grown child and was employed (in this great
x
hahaha! REAL grown up, gals.
I'm back in high school. weee
Thank goodness both my kids are pretty much grown up sm
Both are in college, one away and one at home.
My gift will be supporting them in everything they do unconditionally, past, present, and future.
Just can't do gifts this year.
But I WILL have my traditional 3-foot tree LOL.
Rays in WS is enough for us all, though!! :-)
I usually do a lot of handmade gifts. This year each kid gets $100 they are all grown sm
I make my oldest son boxer shorts, he only likes the ones I make. My other son wanted a robe and matching PJ pants. Daughter wanted a couple of outfits and a denim jacket. My mom wanted something I had knitted up for her. Stepdad just wants to be remembered. My brother won't take anything from me, so no problem there. I will do some small things for my friends, but I won't spend $500 total, even with giving the 3 kids $100 each. I have NEVER spent that much on Christmas!
I have worked like a dog all year, but I have had no time to do these things they think they want.
So you just continue to give money to grown folks
because they are too lazy to work? You could do 1 of 2 things- take the children or call the family and children services if they are not being cared for. I would never continue to support people who did not want to help their self.
Oh for Pete's sakes...the kid is a grown man now...he can state his opinion..
it reflects nothing on the mother who raised him...
I feel your pain. I have a grown adult in my face 24/7.
The man needs a job.. He wants to be with me so he sits/lays behind me a lot of the day until I tell him to do something constructive like clean the house..his job.. As I tell him, you've been assigned a job description, now get on it. I will say that I wouldn't spend three or four hours arguing with him, he knows better. I'll knock his block off. :)
I have paid $50.00 and tipped $10.00 sm
but I don't really get my haircut too often and when I do, I love to make it a day just for me at a nicer salon, so I don't mind spending the cash. I like to feel like a "rich *itch stay-at-home while hubby works nothing better to do but spend his money lady" just for ONE DAY. Between the house, kids, and typing, I find it hard to make time just for me! So, if I get the chance and need a day to myself, I tend to make a hair appointment and then maybe go shopping for a new purse (my other luv). I have too many as it is, but I love purses and shoes and always have! I would babysit all week as a teenager just to purchase an expensive purse! Wish I had all that money now, but... it sure was FUN! 
I always tip 10-15%, but I have never paid $65 just for a haircut...
nm
For those of you who have paid help with the house ..
What I am wanting from someone is an hour each morning (M-F) to do:
1) Make 2 beds (changing sheets 2 times a week)
2) Vacuum 1000 sqft (with about 300 of it not carpet - sweep)
3) Unload dishes from dishwasher/load any dirty ones
4) Swish the toilet down and wipe down the bathroom sink/mirror
5) Drop any trash at the trash bin as they leave
My questions:
1) Do you think this is reasonable to be done in an hour?
2) I am thinking of offering $15 an hour...Too much? Too little?
Thanks
well of course they have paid for it in other ways.
for the poor. That's a just society. I would gladly pay $6 a gallon for gas if my health care were free and my children were going to college for free. That would be a bargain!
Paid bills
Paid bills and planned with DH about how we can make more money so we can do more than just "pay bills". Watched a scary movie tonight. Tomorrow it will be work and some household chores. Gosh what an exciting life! I'd like to do a little more with my life than just "exist".
Maybe someone else paid the bill for you.
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