WHY DOES THE BETRAYED WIFE ALWAYS STAND UP
Posted By: why? on 2008-03-14
In Reply to:
WITH HER HUSBAND WHILE HE TELLS THE WHOLE WORLD HIS DIRTY LAUNDRY! I CERTAINLY WOULD NOT STAND UP THERE WITH HIM, IT MUST BE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE POWER, ETC. WHAT GIVES!
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My son met his wife somehow
on the internet. They've been married 4 years..Very nice girl... Also know 2 other couples who met online and happy together. susan
Does he have a wife?
Maybe you can talk more calmly with her about it. I would be furious too! But if confronting him you don't know what you may do or say and your daughter doesn't need to lose a friend right now. Dyslexia is not the worst thing that can happen, although right now to her and you it may seem that way.
Have you looked into the disability act laws and getting her some support or into programs for this?
Share the below with your daugher, if you haven't already, it is a list of famous people that had dyslexia; Albert Einstein. Tom Cruise. Thomas Edison. Many others.
http://www.dyslexiamentor.com/famousdyslexics.php
All the best to both of you.
To wife sm
Try some on-line help anonymously for awhile. Just Google recovery or AAonline and you should find some help there. Give him credit and help him. Remove all alcohol from the house, support him and realize it IS a disease, not a flaw in his personality, he inherited this in the gene pool but although there is no cure, it can be turned around with the right support. I know someone who will not admit it and he has lost everything.He thinks beer is not alcohol. So be grateful for the awareness and pay no attention from those who judge. Good luck, it takes a lot of work, it didn't come on overnight but with your help and his higher power, he can do it if he is ready.There is Al-Anon, AA, Adult Children of Alcoholics but beware, some go to these meetings and tell all they hear there. You can decide later if you want the whole community to know. Usually those who judge point the finger, having three pointing back at themselves. It's not always anonymous. Get some professional advice and get rid of all the temptations. You may have to change playmates and playgrounds. You will figure this out as you go along. Only listen to the positive, ignore all who judge, they know not of what they speak, it's a disease. Just treat it as taking the sugar away from the diabetic, same scenario, help but do not enable!
My son and his wife - sm
have been married eleven years and over time developed a pattern for Thanksgiving, at least - they trade off years, one year coming to our house for dinner and her parents' house for dessert, and vice-versa. Of course, she's not a cook and has never been interested in hosting their own holiday dinner. They've always slept over Christmas Eve at our house as we have two more children still in school (had actually, one's not in school anymore but living at home) and shared Christmas morning with us, then go to her parents' house for Christmas dinner. I don't know if that's going to change now that the last of the kids are basically grown now. Unfortunately they aren't able to have kids, but if they did I would encourage them to stay home and we would come to them.
Yes. My son's second wife never
cooked. It was always McD's, Taco Bell, Pizza, etc. She never cleaned either. All she knew how to do was spend the bill money. (She didn't work, BTW).
Now my grandson is on a diet at 15 yo, 195 pounds.Thank heavens, my son woke up and got rid of her.
My mom worked every day and when she came home, made supper and it was always on the table by 5-5:30. If my father was on the 2nd shift, she'd make him a hot meal, put it in a square metal container and I would bicycle it to his work. When I was old enough to use the stove, I would make supper once or twice a night. In the summer, I would clean the house so she would have less to do.
I worked 2 jobs most of my life, but always had time to take my boys to their baseball practice, wrestling practice, and when old enough, to their PT job and pick them up at 10-11:00 when they would get off, went to open house every year to see how they were doing, etc. I also made sure their homework was done (not that boys really bring homework home in those days LOL), had a meal on the table for them every night, never had snacks like chips or pretzels in the house. The only thing they had to drink was water or milk. No soda. BTW, my husband during this time was away from home all week, so it was all left to me.
The parents today are too pressured, as are the kids. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. They are 7 going on 70. I think it's time they get back to being normal kids. They need breathing room. I don't know who ever decided that the kids had to be in every sport, every club, every volunteer activity the school has, but it's crazy. Not all kids fit that mold and they shouldn't have to. Plus their grades are expected to be A's and B's, nothing less. Perfection is the norm and no one is perfect.
What's wrong with this picture?
I'll jump down from my soapbox now.
Talking to the ex-wife
Your boyfriend/husband talks to his ex-wife because he is mature. She means nothing to him. He would be with her, not you, if that was his choice. Don't you have ex-boyfriends? Do you speak when you meet them in the street? Please don't go down this road or you will experience a LOT of pain. You cannot ever "make" someone be faithful to you. Either they are or they are not. Dogs need to be tossed aside because life is too short. Work on your self-esteem. Choking someone to death with your insecurity and jealousy is the quickest way to make your boyfriend/husband say, "Bye-bye." My grown children stay with my husband's ex-wife when they are in her city visiting. We have had her over for Thanksgiving dinner. Was it 100% comfortable? No, but we did it for the children. Everyone has a past when they are over 18. Accept it, don't make it bigger than it is, and enjoy your relationship. That is very good advice.
Your knowing the wife well would be
much more important than you hubby talking to his buddy now and then. She's the one stuck with cleaning, getting a guest room set up and worrying about meals. Some women enjoy that, but many are just too busy to drop everything.
I agree that he should always put his wife first
but my brother was pretty much the same way...family was always an after thought if he thought of them at all and I assure you he is not gay.
To confused wife...
It sounds to me like you've made up your mind that HIS problems are all YOUR fault...they are NOT. The only problems you are responsible for are YOURS. It probably will not matter what you change about you to him. If he's this angry and unstable, he'll ALWAYS find fault with you.
Please don't be naive and think that you can change him...you can't. Only he can do that and he has to want to change his behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and name-calling is by far the most disrespectful thing one person can do to another...especially if the other person is your spouse, the mother of your child.
And your child is being hurt by these outbursts. She would be better off in a broken home than to have to listen to you and your husband screaming and belittling each other all the time. In the end, her self worth will suffer, she'll think she doesn't deserve any better and may actually seek out abusive men when she gets older.
You all need help, even the child. Go to counseling, even if you go alone, but take your daughter with you. It may come to you and your daughter leaving until he agrees to get help. Then if he truly loves you and your family, he will do whatever it takes to make things right. Don't wait around for the abuse to get worse, because inevitably it will escalate. Now is the time to think of you and your daughter first. Your husband is a grown man, he's responsible for him...good luck and God bless...
confused wife
It sounds to me like you are being verbally abused. I went through the exact same thing until I said enough is enough. You are worth more than to be reduced to a *itch. I feel for you, I was in the same situation for 12-1/2 years, everything was my fault. Research the phenomenon of verbal abuse and you will find yourself and your marriage reiterated over and over in the stories you hear. Believe me. You sound just like me and what I went through. You have nothing to lose by just looking into it. Maybe you will find your answer. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that one more day, you are a human being and have God-given rights. I will be praying for you.
I agree about the wife, but...
she knows what side her bread is buttered on! Play the stand by your man, humiliated wife in public means for a much heftier settlement when the divorce proceedings start...not that she doesn't deserve it but come on, if your hubs was going to hookers for almost 10 years you'd be dumb as a post to not suspect it or at least get a hint of it from someone... Then again, they may just have that type of relationship where it is okay with her as long as she has the prestige, power and money that he brings. His daddy is worth 500 million dollars.
At least it is not a bombshell to the wife.
They both admitted their relationships..had counseling and moved on. you know it has been said for years now that good people are afraid to run for office for fear of a skeleton rattling around somewhere. You know an investigative reporter will dig it out.
my hubby did that with his first wife!!
I didn't believe him when he told me that he had only known her for two weeks when he married her! I said to him, "what were you thinking and no, I will not marry you right now"!
The wife will be gone at night
I am still thinking they are going to lock you in the basement for 10 years!
Dear Ms K9's wife
Try as you might, you cannot tell me your husband can approach any and all pitbulls and put them back on their chain- I was not born yesterday and don’t believe that for 1 minute. Tell someone else who does not know better, ok? You have named (except for the doberman) all dogs the police department close to me do not allow to be rescued because of their known aggressive behavior, chows, rotweilers and the pits. Better luck next time, sweetie.
He should consider his wife FIRST, not his stylist.....
nm
As his wife contacted you, you must have had some
contact details. Her son was in jail and instead of helping her, you took their inheritance share, PRETENDING that you do not know their whereabouts?
WOW!
I hope you are not one of those religious freaks, that would really be too much of a hypocrisy!
What the wife says and does is irrelevant
since the agreement was only with the husband. The wife has nothing to do with it.
most of the time it is the wife divorcing the man...sm
not always, but most of the time. I am just expressing caution, and to have eyes wide open. Love or the thought of love, tends to blind people to the true facts. JMO.
wife beaters and rapists.
From what I heard his wife did release
the tape and against court orders. This child was supposed to, from what I heard, going with him somewhere. The mother got into trouble 1 time before for going against court orders. True he did wrong by the ranting but I would be willing to bet you Ms. Kim involved in not following through with court orders. This is probably the case of a child being put in the middle by these 2 who cannot stand 1 another now. Sure it happens all the time but we are not Kim and Alec, right?
yes I believe his present wife was seated next to him
and next to her was Laila's mom. They seemed friendly with each other and both were very supportive of Laila.
A military man shot his wife
This man was our son's recruiter when our son signed with the military three years ago. We had several meetings with him. He was a "fun" guy to be around, always smiling, always happy. But now, this and I can't get over the sick feeling in my stomach. He is on the run, of course. He left behind his little boy, with no mother and now no father. Temporary insanity?????
That wife you wrote about sounds like me! LOL! SM
I was married to a man who cheated for years. I was in total denial. After close to 30 years, I up and left. Best thing I ever did.
Just want to acknowledge point that men don't leave. If they are in a long marriage, and have been getting away with cheating for a long time, AND there is a lot of money involved, what with houses, pensions, savings, etc., THEY DON'T LEAVE.
I admire both your honesty. Good luck.
If he were to leave his wife for you, then at some time in the
_
I am the wife up above. How in the world do you suppose one sm
like me survive with 3 children on 18,000 a year transcribing? Do you know how much it is to rent nowadays? Even though we own? He makes almost 5 times as much as me and yes, the paychecks are great, but I am living proof that money can't buy happiness in a marriage.
But I wouldn't even be able to put food on my kids' plate on my income.
All of you women who say to leave how do you expect us to live if we leave? I don't get it. I don't understand? I have NO family that can help me. None. I don't see it being possible.
Military wife with a suggestion
Beef jerky is a great gift and Jolly Ranchers. My husband is very popular at mail call time.
And then some husbands have their wife spoiled
and give them any and every thing their little heart desires and I am one of those lucky ones. By the way, I don’t even have to cook- he does all that. I am spoiled rotten and loving it.
Looking back, I wanted to ask son's wife
if he were back on meth..That changes a person tremendously. I found out he was doing that when his son was very small- my son arrested- I went to pay his bond and thought for marijuana. When I heard the bondsman say meth I could not believe what I heard. He could have spent some time in jail- even though married I paid for a lawyer (he and his wife did not have the money)- so as I think back just wonder if that is what happened with his change. He had to go through drug rehab and his wife told me not to let her family know (meaning her father/mother, aunts and so). I have seen and talked with his father- never called him a deadbeat- others words, not mine- he could not even take care of himself so how could he take care of others? I think might have been the drugs as far as the dysfunctioning goes?
Have considered it before - would they listen to me, his wife? (sm)
Would I have to show proof?
Did the dopey wife show up for this one?
x
This is a personal subject between him and his wife.
First, I hardly think affairs are only a NY thing. Do you know all of NY office holders? If you believe stats, most American adults have had an affair. I don't think that necessarily makes a person not decent, it just means they're human and had a failing. Personally, I'm tired of God complexes in Government.
This is a personal subject between him and his wife. I wonder how many of us could live up to the scrutiny heaped upon politicians. I KNOW I couldn't. I've made mistakes too.
"I'm leaving my wife." I bought it once...never again. NM
x
As the wife of a past mud-bogger....I can tell you this (sm)
I think he actually should be nice and be willing to help. No he is not obligated to do so, but he should do it out of kindness. My husband as I type, is still out, having driven far off to go duck hunting. Everything is always left up to me and I am afraid that is how it will also be for your daughter. If he is not helpful now, right before the marriage, he will only get worse after. That is a fact. It is a reflection on how much he values your daughter as well. Knowing that her mother is single and does not have others to help, he should be more than willing to come and help. In my case, my husband has never done anything for my family, but I am expected to do tons for his. I do a lot for them and I don't mind, but they never understand that I also do 99% of the child care and house work around here, and I also work. I work from home because with all of my husband's hobbies, someone has to be home to take care of things here!! Okay, off my soap box now. But I disagree with the poster below...You do have a right to be offended.
Would you do the show Wife Swap?
I wouldn't but curious if anyone else here would.
Hope he becomes someone's wife in prison. nm.
x
My husband's ex-wife supposedly -sm
used sex as a weapon in the terms of as a reward. He had to jump through hoops to get it and basically grovel to get lucky. She apparently did not like having sex so he got it maybe once a month if he was a good boy. That just is not right, and there are women (and men) who do this... and women who string men along with promises, etc. in order to suck them dry (no pun intended).
Why did your stepbrother's wife not inherit from your
stepbrother?
She and her children should contest the distribution and take you to court, as they are the legal heirs.
What's going on here?
What abpuit your stepbrother's wife? Did she die TOO
or could you not HELP to locate her?
In case his wife died too, then you took the money away from ORPHANS.
SURE,his wife and 2 children were named, I bet...
How come that they could not locate them? Unbelievable, hsi wife and children??
It DOES NOT matter! As your brother's WIFE,
still married to him when he died, SHE IS ENTITLED TO HER INHERITANCE.
Do you not understand or do you not WANT to understand, because then you have to give them their money!
Did anyone see Friday's Wife Swap?
I tape them to watch and just starting watching Friday's episode today (while waiting for work to show up!!) and there is an MT. I am fuming though cuz they call her a stay-at-home mom BUT she works 8 hours a day as an MT. We just get no respect!!!!
What does LOL stand for.
Use to think it meant lots of luck, but that doesn't pertain to this board.
I Can't Stand Men Your Age Either!!
I married older because I thought he would have his you-know-what together. WRONG! He went down, financially-speaking, and took me down with him. I heard he's in the middle of divorcing his third wife (I was his second).
But...boy, did I love him.
I can't stand him ever since
he did the show on Tourette syndrome and Asperger syndrome and called the show "extreme disorders." That was pretty crappy. And the Asperger kid's parents were totally abusive and Dr. Phil didn't even call them on it.
But I have to admit I watch it, its like reading National Equirer- I'm drawn to it but embarrassed to admit it!
What's HMR stand for? n/m
x
Can't stand her!
The reason the paparazzi follow her is because they know she will do something ignorant like she always does. You don't see many other celebs being chased like she is. If she would act like a decent adult then they would have no reason to follow her around. But she continues to act like a child to get the attention she wants. It makes me the maddest because those paparazzi drive so recklessly, and one of these days they are going to injure or even kill someone when they hit them head on by driving down the wrong side of the road. Ugh. Makes me sick. Like the OP said, STAY HOME! Its like the time she drove with her baby on her lap and everyone coddles her and told her it was okay, people make mistakes. Um, NO. That is not a mistake. That is a blatantly wrong thing to do. I am just so tired of her, and I wish she would drop her custody case and just let Kevin have the boys. At least he is stable.
I stand by what I said.
Her daughter called and maybe she did think her mom was upset, but the fact that her mom got annoyed by this is just insane. If she was on an important phone call with her dying aunt, why she bothered to answer her other phone, no matter who was calling, is beyond me. As a result, she posted this topic about whether she should let the answering machine get the phone or she should disconnect her phone. That is a no brainer. If you don't want to talk to someone or are on another important call, let the answering machine get it. She made mention that she might let the answering machine pick up all of her daughter's calls and not call back just to see what her daughter will think.....isn't that a bit childish.
So I don't know her whole family history and maybe her son is an ungrateful turd. If he won't talk to his mom because she got money he thought he deserved, that is his problem. But for her to not be the adult and bigger person by at least trying to mend that relationship......as far as I'm concerned, she can't blame everything on him if she isn't willing to mend it either.
As for her happiness and family getting her down....sounds to me as if she is the one who thinks her family owes her something since she bailed her son out of jail and paid for her daughter's college. If she is so happy with her laugh and content, why in the world she is posting on here about whether or not she should let the answering machine pick up her daughter's phone calls?
I have no sympathy for someone who isn't smart enough to make the decision of whether or not to answer her telephone.
Stand up!
Why do our companies never stand up to dictators like this? I have one who honestly sounds like he's drunk and he speaks English as a first language! I call him smushmouth because all I can understand is smusha-smusha-smusha at any speed level. I had one at an old hopsital who had narcolepsy! He would literally fall asleep while dictating so you'd have to sit there and wait for him to wake back up and then he'd start over or start in the middle of a sentence he never began. Drives me nuts.
What kills me too is that one of my in-laws is from Russia. Her mom was a doctor there. She can't become a doctor here because she says her English isn't good enough and it costs so much money to take the tests to get her reciprocal certification. Heck her English is 10 times better than half the idiots we get so how do THEY pass the test? Sorry needed to vent today!
I can't stand...
walkie talkie cell phones. It's bad enough to hear one side of someone else's conversation standing in line at the grocery store. I DO NOT want to hear BOTH sides. Especially if it's a dumb argument. Take it outside or wait until you get home!
can't stand the.....
GEICO caveman commercials... I just don't get it...
...especially the one where the caveman and his chick are on the beach with the metal detector and he finds keys with a GEICO key fob and tosses down his equipment, then the girlfriend picks it all up for him... yeah.. in his DREAMS!! LOL
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