Very good advice. I stayed for the sake SM
Posted By: Debbie on 2008-09-11
In Reply to: My opinion - losinit
of my daughter, until she finished high school. I don't regret it and I'm very happy now, but I'm older. Women today tend to end things and I honestly don't think that is especially bad.
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Need advice on a good, adjustable chair for typing. Any advice? nm
nm
Very good advice
In addition, get out of the situation now, and don't even consider going back until he has been sober at least a year. He won't change until he is ready to. There is nothing - absolutely NOTHING - that you can do about that, except say, "Honey, I love you, but I can't live with you while you're drinking. When you get clean and sober, we'll talk."
Don't worry about what your coworkers think of you, or even what friends and family think. This is YOUR life, and you have to deal with it as you see fit. They are not walking in your shoes. They don't know what you are going through. By staying an "enabling" your husband to continue in his present behavior, you are doint the wrong thing for you and for him. By leaving, you will at least get yourself out of the situation, and hopefully once your husband figures out you're really not coming back, it will be enough of a shock for him to rethink what he is doing with his life.
But regardless - GET OUT, as soon as possible. Yes, you will be lonely. Yes, you will be sad. But it is the RIGHT thing to do.
Hang in there and best of luck to you.
Good advice
Yours is the best advice I have seen so far. If it is not critical (and hopefully she knows if it is or isn't) maybe she can just save a little money in case it gets critical and she needs to move her teepee to a new village. I think what I read about the church guy is scary (he sounds like a creep) and her husband even scarier. Blocking the door is a form of control, but is subtle in comparison to some forms of control. Having known women who have been severely injured and worse because they kept going back or remaining in a marriage that endangered their wellbeing, I think she needs to seriously address this problem for her sake and the sake of her children and she needs professional help and assistance in doing this. They can help her assess her individual situation and any lethal behavior issues. I wish her good luck and I hope she takes your advice first, just in case, while she pursues her options.
That is good advice, but may I also add...
There is a government-sponsored (I think) credit counseling system that will help you for free. I am not sure what it is called, but I am sure you could Google it. It is legit. I had a family friend who was way behind and used a company that he paid. As the other poster said, they just paid all his bills as a lump sum and they kept paying them late as a lump sum or not paying them at all. So, I suggest the free one...worth a try anyway.
Good luck!
Good advice! nm
xx
Thanks - good advice - sm
I am being very careful - he knows nothing about me - not even my real name is on my email address. I will not allow him to contact me by phone or any way other than through this anonymous email address. I had not thought about the fact that he might be lying!! I had thought about him being mentally ill or at least not in a normal state of mind presently. But I will not under any circumstances give him any info about myself. thanks for the reminder
Good advice! sm
Thanks! 
Thank you so much for the good advice.
Something we have not discussed is the committment one takes on with a pet. I know she feels like I do, that pets are "kids" and treated as a true family member. I think that might be the key that will fit in this scenario. She brings up these discussions as "news" of his condition arises, not me pushing it on her.
She did have to make this decision with a childhood pet and it was not a difficult decision for my mom, but that was before her other losses. I feel that this is more about her feelings than the dog. Thank you for recognizing that this is not about me wanting to push her into a decision but it is about wanting to help her through what I know is a difficult decision and the loss after but something that is inevitably coming. I have offered to come and do it for her or with her and my sister has done the same.
Thank you for the advice anon. Hopefully after the holidays pass I will have another opportunity to discuss this with her and approach it in this manner.
Very good advice -
When I picked her up from school today, she made it a point to tell her father and me how grateful she is that we have always worked at home so she's felt safe. She also said she spent first period crying this morning because her friend's father had cried in front of her friend for the first time in her life. It's such a tough time.
That is good advice, but we tried
that last year. I mentioned below about my son with Asperger's being bullied at school. We asked for my husband and me to be able to take turns going to school with him until he could work his way out of the EBD class he had been inappropriately placed in (this was part of the bullying of us by the school that I mentioned). The Assistant Principal of Special Education would not allow us to do that. She said it would be too much of a distraction to the other students. I think that, at least in part, they are trying to keep a parent from babying their children too much, which may be appropriate in some situations, but in ours, where my son was being bullied in a classroom of emotionally and behaviorally disordered children and the teachers were doing nothing, I think we should have been allowed to attend with him and I think her excuse was just that, an excuse. These children, to our understanding, would be in general education classes but for some outside influence (divorce, poor family situation, death of someone close to them, etc.) that has caused them to begin "acting out" and behaving badly. They saw my son's reactions to their taunting, and it made it all the more fun to taunt him. The way the class was structured, it would have taken 25 consecutive positive school days to get out of the class, and we were willing to use all of my husband's paid time off and I would have worked at night or whatever it took, but they just would not allow us to go to school with them. We really were at their mercy, and they had none.
thanks for all the good advice...
I didn't know that about financing the land. Guess I figured I could get a 30 year mortgage. It is getting very hard to even get a loan now for a house plus I too have a house that will be hard to sell. Unemployment in our little town is about 18 percent and getting worse daily it seems. Good advice too about the high speed internet. I see a lot of satellite dishes on the homes already built in the area.
Thank you for all of the good advice...
It means a lot. I will pass all of the information on to her. I feel a little helpless as I live over 7 hours away from her. I felt horrible when my Mom called and told me my sister's fiance might not make it. He is only 29. They are way too young to have to go through this. I am hoping his family will be supportive. Part of the reason I had no problem moving away is our parents were never very supportive. Although they weren't alcoholics, my sister has always ended up getting involved with someone who was.
My sister and I have different fathers and were both raised by our Mom and her Dad (my stepdad). My Dad, who was an alcoholic, only contacted me when he was clean for quite a while. He said it was his close brush with death that made him turn things around and want to get to know me. I was 21 at the time he contacted me, and I was 26 when he passed. I was really happy and proud that he was able to turn his life around. While he always worked, he was eventually able to buy a nice house, but sadly he only was able to enjoy everything for a short time. Everyday I wish he could be here because after I got to know him, he was always there for me. It might sound mean to the parents who raised me, but my Dad actually helped me more and was more supportive than my parents ever were.
Well, time to go back to work. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your advice. I'll let you know how everything goes. I guess he had a liver biopsy today. I don't really know her fiance very well as she became involved with him after I moved away, but something that has crossed my mind is I am afraid of how he might be when she won't run to the store for him anymore to get his gin or whatever else. I told her if that happens to make sure she leaves. I have never dated an alcoholic, but I have always ended up in abusive relationships, and I'm afraid that hers might turn this way, also.
Good advice - second opinion
Getting a non-military second opinion is a good piece of advice. Ask the docs or nurses at your infirmary or base hospital who they would go to or send their spouse to and make the appointment and go to them. She could have a-fib as well and feel like a dish rag. Godalmighty, everyone wants to cut!!
Good advice. Wish we could trust everyone. . . NM
xx
Good advice. As my sister says sm
Why is it some people think their dogs are just oddly shaped humans?
We had a lab cross puppy from about 7 weeks to about 4 months. My daughter just brought her home one day and we knew we weren't going to keep her because we are moving in a few months. We did take the time to crate train her, potty train her, etc., etc. With a lot of patience a ton of praise, yet a firm voice and boundaries, she turned out to be great pup. She was pretty hyper, but listened well and was very eager to please and she needed constant supervision. We thought we finally found the perfect family for her. The first thing the new family told me, as they were leaving with her, was they thought it was cruel to crate the dog at night and told me they chose not to. Big red flag! :)
Three days after the family took her they called me and wanted me to take her back. I was accused of misleading them because the dog was not listening to them and was tearing their house apart and having accidents everywhere. They let her have free run of the house and then locked her in a small room while they went to work all day with nobody to check on her. I mean, what did they expect? I told them specifically what she was used to right down to what time she went to bed in her crate at night and what time I let her out in the morning and they went completely against everything I told them and couldn't understand why she was such a bad dog. And they only gave it THREE days! 
Very good advice, "tired". sm
I don't think I could be that good a person. I'd get rid of all of them and let that be that. :D
Good advice for your daughters.
Hi XXX: Read all your posts with Mom with girls. Basically I agree with most everything you say. I too took my daughter to Family Planning Clinic, where she was given BC pills. I told her the facts of life and warned her about consequences of getting pregnant or some diseases too. I left the decision up to her and the responsibility of taking the pills. She was 18 at that time and already graduated from high school, so legally an adult. She did become pregnant at 18 and went through pregnancy and gave birth, but not married. The father came along and helped with money to raise his child. They did have a stormy time of it, but now they are 31 and 30 with 3 more children. She was lucky because her husband is very responsible now, building contractor and very good father. he absolutely loves his children, so my daughter was very lucky. Of course we know that not all girls have a happy ending to their story.
All you can do as a mother is to support your children, give them guidance and proper moral standards that hopefully they will live by. I have really tried very hard to not be judgmental or to criticize when the problems came. I think that is probably the worse thing to do to your kids. After all we all make mistakes. Of course it is easier to give advice than the actual practicing of this advice. Whatever happens to your kids, try to stand by them and love them.
yes, this is good advice: It is cheaper to go to the
supermarket and buy the cheap stuff on sale, then plan what to cook and buy the additiional necessities.
more advice - you'll be no good to those kids if
I was there - for 12 years - and my sanity was going - married to a passive-aggressive (oh and there are female passive-aggressives out there too *hint hint - his MIL*).....and I couldn't take it - when my child was 7.....and by 9, I cared more at that moment about what I was feeling (brink of possible loss of sanity/stability in myself) - and I chose to save myself - I, once again in life, became my own hero (I did the same at 17-18 when I chose to leave a shaky home)....I knew that I'd be an even BETTER mom if I didn't have him draining on me - and so it became!! My offspring is nearly 27 and turned out great (no thanks to the DH and my D there isn't for DEAR but lots of other D's).....
Save yourself or your children will NOT be getting your absolute BEST.....
best of luck to you sincerely!!!
Signed: Better to raise kids in a happy divorced family/house than a miserably married one......
Some good advice, but mine is much simpler....
Stay away from the ones that have children!!! ; )
You ladies all know so much and give such good advice, that I will ask here. sm
My daughter's room has been painted and now the expensive custom made draperies that were in the room no longer "match" the room color. I wonder if there is a place I can take them to have then "painted" or dyed to match. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Good advice, Southern Belle. nm
xx
Good Advice (new to board, so hope this is the right place)
Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday.
A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company. Maybe we should all take some of his advice!
1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put "PHOTO ID REQUIRED".
2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.
3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks (DUH!). You can add it if it is necessary but, if you have it printed, anyone can get it.
4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc..
Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know.
5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll-free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.
6. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc. were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
But here's what is perhaps most important of all (I never even thought to do this.).
7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.
By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.
Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, etc., has been stolen:
1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680-7289
4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271
We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything.
If you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone.
My heart goes out to you and your children - I wish I had some really good advice to give you; I
understand your situation. I remember as a child how my mom would exhibit similar behavior, especially when she did not get her "way". I will never forget how it made me feel, and to this day I personally despise those who use manipulative destructive behavior to get whatever they think they want from others. For the sake of your sanity and that of your children - please find the strength to get this man out of your life. Children are very perceptive, even when we are doing our level best to protect them from situations such as this. God has not forsaken you or your children and neither have the majority of us on this board. I don't want to come across as being sappy but even though I don't know you, I love you because you are my sister in the eyes of God, and I will be praying for you and your children. You are all your children have and you are much stronger than you realize. I wish you peace and prayer in this troubling time in your life.
Good advice. In this economy, lay low. Sounds like a PT job may be in order to increase income. (
dd
And you have stayed because of ?
I can see absolutely no reason for staying with someone like this. You may have kids, so? You may love him, so? This is about as low as a man can go when he tries to seduce your sisters. I would never, ever stay with a creep like this. He would never change- if you have female children they could be the next.
If only they stayed that little and sweet 4-ever...
Mom of 2 in school, and aren't you a nice neighbor. Have fun!
Who stayed at home and what?
My mother recently died so she did live in the internet time. Who are you talking about staying at home? No woman in my family ever just "stayed" at home, all worked. My grandmother, aunts, mother, all of us. None ever drew welfare (which includes food stamps).
We went recently and stayed almost
100% of the time on the resort. The employees there did take people out on tours and we went with the employees and also took a boat ride over to the island (can't remember the name), but it was also a tour. Don't know I would run around by myself anywhere.
When I was a scared 21-y/o I stayed - sm
in San Diego a few days by myself after a trade show had ended so I could do a few things there on my own. The company footed the rental car and I paid for the 2 extra days in the hotel, which my former boss paid maybe $40 a night for at a very nice Marriott...on the conciege floor. (he would lie and say he was a travel agent and get incredibly cheap rooms). I never made it to the beach but did do the San Diego Zoo with the bosses wife before the show....then after when I was on my own I went to the Wild Animal Park about an hour up the coast. I had the best time despite being alone. Had a beautiful drive up the coastal highway, etc. I'd never done anything like that on my own before so I really enjoyed it. I hope to take my kids out there one of these days, maybe in the next 5 years and spend a week at least out there, have 3 friends living in various parts of CA so it would be fun to visit them.
We've stayed at Mirage,
Circus Circus, Riviera, Four Queens and Bally's and the only one I would NOT recommend is the Four Queens! I love it on the strip myself
regarding the Flamingo, I stayed there last year and it was sm
very nice. Not sure when you were there but I was told that the rooms were remodeled. Also as soon as you get off the elevators there are a few "cafe" places to catch a good quick breakfast. Oh but I agree on Stratosphere, yuck. I got a great deal but the view out of my hotel room was of a brick wall. Stardust and Frontier were demolished and it was a shame as they were part of old Vegas.
Location of where you are staying is key if you plan to walk. Luxor and Monte Carlo are on the south end of the strip, Ceasars, Flamingo, Ballys, MGM center of strip and Stratosphere and IP at north end.
We stayed at a Riu Caribe in Cancun and
had a fantastic time. Friends of ours have stayed at one of the other ones in Cancun (there are 3) and all are great.
right, some of us need a hug for hug's sake...
For the sake of your son and your
life, GET OUT NOW!! The marriage has been over for quite some time and things will not change. I waited because I was not hit for a few years. Thankfully I had no children to witness his treatment. I ended up with 5 broken ribs, pneumothorax, two black eyes with 12 stitches, a broken arm and 3 fingers. He left me on the floor bleeding and laughed as he went to the bar. I was in the hospital for 2.5 weeks. He also told me that I deserved it. Please, get out now.
they stated HALF of the money stayed here in US, not just for
the dying kids in Africa, but for underpriviledged kids here too.
I live in Wyoming, I stayed overnight in the
was considered "same day" because I was discharged prior to 24 hours. I had my surgery on a Monday and returned to work on Wednesday. Every insurance company is different, check into your insurance very very well and have full knowledge of what they cover and what they don't. There are ALWAYS surgical complications that CAN occur, I have been fortunate and have had no complications.
lapbandtalk.com is a fantastic website to go into to.
I wish you the best, and you can e mail me if you would like.
Good advice was given here. Suggest vet check-up for kitty needs vet check. sm
I've had 2 females over the years who developed stones/crystals in urine or UTIs. Both of them started spraying inappropriately. Never had a female spray inappropriately other than in these instances. They go into spasm and can't help themselves. If it is a urinary problem, eventually you may see slight pink-tinged spray if it gets that far untreated due to the irritation from constantly trying to pee. One more thought is if the kitty is not sick, maybe the other cat won't let her use the litter box for some reason. Maybe set up another box for her.
For your sake, you better hope that God
???
for your mom's sake, repeatedly tell your dad to get a job.
nm
Oh for heaven's sake.
There is nothing hateful in my post. At ALL. I gave 2 conditions; either she likes the way she looks or she doesn't. Either way, SHE is the one responsible. Not the MRI company, not airlines, not McDonalds, no one else. If you think this is hateful, it's because you don't think she should take responsibility for her own behavior, & I'm willing to bet you would like the rest of us to take responsibility for yours as well. Good grief! You even want me to take responsibility for your feelings when all I've done is state a couple of facts & conditions. Why am I not surprised.
Yes. It's hard to lose weight. Millions of years of evolving to super-efficient fat storage have seen to that. But actions have consequences. Everyone who is obese seems to think no one noticed how they got that way. Now the consequences of that behavior are yet another thing the rest of the population is supposed to take responsibility for, like bad loans or cigarette companies or bad business plans or anything else, & it pi&&es me off.
Oh for heaven's sake.
There is nothing hateful in my post. At ALL. I gave 2 conditions; either she likes the way she looks or she doesn't. Either way, SHE is the one responsible. Not the MRI company (and not airlines, not McDonalds, not the cigarette companies), NO ONE else. If you think this is hateful, it's because you don't think she should take responsibility for her own behavior, & I'm willing to bet you would like the rest of us to take responsibility for yours as well. Good grief! You even want me to take responsibility for your hurt feelings when all I've done is state a couple of facts & conditions. Why am I not surprised. Sorry, but I am of the opinion that we all make our own beds & lie in them.
Yes. It's hard to lose weight. Millions of years of evolving to super-efficient fat storage have seen to that. But actions have consequences. Everyone who is obese seems to think no one noticed how they got that way. Now the consequences of that behavior are yet another thing the rest of the population is supposed to take responsibility for, like bad loans or bad business plans or anything else, & it pi&&es me off.
Well, obviously. For heaven's sake.
If there's a surgical indication, like inability to urinate, of course I would have it done! WITH anesthesia.
What I'm against is unnecessary circumcision, which the vast majority are. I seriously question the ability of practitioners to discern developmental phimosis, which will correct itself naturally over time, with phimosis that will cause a serious health condition later in life.
http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet6.html
A friend of mine stayed in a very nice chalet when she went. SM
I can't remember the name of the place, but very quaint A-frame chalets. They didn't have indoor pools or anything like that, but there was a pool on the complex. The location was awesome from the pictures I saw. They seemed to be in the woods surrounded by trees and a stream right next to the cabin. I'll see if I can find out the name of the place. She was pretty friendly with the lady who ran the place and has stayed there several times.
He just got over a bad bout with bronchitis so that is why he stayed home. Dad always takes sm
both of them, but to be quite frank, that is no one elses business and not the root cause of his behavior. Thank you.
Talk to him. For goodness sake..
he is your husband! If you two can't have an adult conversation about things then it is time to assess your relationship. Move on if you are unhappy. Why spend your life being miserable, life is too short. The children would rather have a functional, happy mother than one who is worried and anxious all the time. Good grief ladies, wise up, be women instead of little girls! You control your happiness, not others!
I agree with this poster. For your own sake.
NM
do you think you should have, for the sake of the innocent child?
nm
That is not creepy. She's 9 for goodness sake, not 15. nm
x
For the sake of the cats, you should tell her NOW to make different
arrangements in the future, and that you won't be feeding them anymore. Please don't wait until she's about to leave the cats.
As for your sisters, I'm not Ann Landers or Dear Abby, but I've read them for years and I think they both would tell you to dump the family that you don't get along with, and start making some friends with people that will make you feel good. They are only making your life miserable and it's obvious they will continue to do so as long as YOU allow them to. Nobody can use you for a doormat unless you lie down for it. Good luck.
it was a joke for goodness sake! sm
Quit trying to start a fight!
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