Venting update sm

Thanks for all the support and input.

I'm happy to say my husband is no longer upset about us switching cars.  In fact, he told me I can drive his car as long as I want.  I don't think he realized how unsafe it was for me to drive the Explorer. 

He's really a good husband/father, but we just had a problem with this car issue. 

Thanks again!  I love this board!

• Venting sm - passing through
  • Venting update sm - passing through
  • I'd tell him just as you said it to us. - MT
  • My husband is the same way - sm
  • Yes, he's being selfish. When - Me

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I just need to vent a little here. 

I drive an Explorer that's pretty much on its last leg (9 years old).  We're waiting until next year to get me a new vehicle.  My husband, on the other hand, drives the newer Taurus (only 2 years old).

I drive my 7-year-old daughter to and from school every day and also to jump rope class, etc. 

We plan to get the Explorer fixed next month.  In the meantime, I have asked my husband if I can drive his car (the newer one) on a couple of occasions, but he basically ignoerd me and I always ended up driving the Explorer.  Well, yesterday I told him I need to drive his car until the Explorer is fixed.  If I didn't have my 7-year-old with me, I probably would continue driving the Explorer.

He finally left his car for me to drive today, but he is so upset about it.  I don't understand it.  Shouldn't he want his wife and child to be in the safer, more reliable vehicle?

I don't think I should have to beg him to drive his car, especially since I'm driving our 7-year-old all around the city.  I also don't understand why he is upset.  

Somebody help!

My mom came to visit and watch my kids while I work - I am paying her because she needs the money. My children are a 10 year old boy and a  7 ytear old girl.  They are generally well-behaved, never get in trouble at school, get in trouble sometimes at home for the usual kid stuff, but they are basically nice children.  My mom has a tendency to joke and play around with them a lot, but then gets offended when they try to play back. Yesterday they were feeling comfortable with her (only see her a couple of times a year) and they both dressed up in "spy" costumes and came out to spy on her.  When she "caught" them, they pretended to do karate chops and kicks - which they do with me regularly, very softly, never to inflict pain.  They did this to her and she is very angry, saying that my children "hit and kicked" her and that if they are bad again she is going to spank them.  Also, she has varicose veins on her legs and my daughter asked her what are those "cracks" in your legs?  So she is offended about that and therefore when my chubby son walked in without his shirt on this morning she asked, "what's wrong with your belly or is that just fat?" She has also been arguing with my son trying to convince him that there are ghosts and demons on earth (even though I asked her to stop) and when he said there were not, she got out the Bible and was trying to show him passages to prove it until I came out and made her stop.  Is everyone's mom like this?? Do they just forget that children are young and don't think like adults??

I feel the need to vent a little about my parents.  I talk sometimes with my hubby but he doesn't give much input.  I'm close with my parents (I'm 36 they are in their mid 50s).  My dad has always been controlling and negative (causing stress on our family).  I'm an only child.  I'm not going to go into deep details about stuff.  My parents are not financially stable. My mom is a hard worker, always has been.  My dad hasn't worked for almost 9 years.  He rehabs houses when he has one to rehab.  They are down in the dumps I think because of money.  My mom gets stressed out with her job and then not having financial help from my dad, that stresses her.  My dad is a negative person.  He lost his mom when he was in his 20s and I'm not sure if he believes in God.  He doesn't have faith at all.  He gets jealous when my kids stay the night with my in-laws (my parents like my in-laws). There's no talking with my dad.  The one time I tried to talk to him about something he said to me that hurt my feelings (I was 30), he didn't talk to me for a whole week.  Sometimes I feel guilty for being happy.  My hubby and I are fine financially, with our faith.  I wish I could sit them down and talk with them, but there would be nothing but negative talk coming from them.  I know that really you can't help someone unless they are ready to help themselves.  It's really hard to say exactly what I feel.  I love my parents, I want them to be happy, but then I feel like YOU are the only one who can change your life, or what makes you happy.  I don't want disconnect from my parents (they live a mile from us).  If my dad would just go get a job, I believe he'd feel so much better about himself.  Anyway, I'm really sorry for rambling on like this.  I just don't have anyone to talk to.  I sometimes feel responsible for my parent's happiness/unhappiness.  But growing up, I could never do anything right to please my dad, so I guess that's why I feel that way.  There's so much I could type about, but not going to.  There have been numerous times I thought to myself that I wish my mom would've never married my dad.  Anyway, thanks for listening.

My husband and I never fight ----- until April. Then it's constant for about 2 weeks.

My hubby is self-employed. We've had a couple of rough years and for the past 2 years were unable to pay quarterly taxes. When tax time rolls around, bang! We're fighting like cats and dogs! He complains about how much he has to pay in every year I really don't blame him, as it seems like in his line of work, a lot of deductions are not allowed and it sucks.

In reality, we gotta get on top of the quarterlies again. Then it wouldn't hurt so much. He said he didn't make any money last year, but we still have to pay in over $8000 to the IRS. I really don't know how this could be either. Then he threatens to sell his equipment. Now for the next 3 months, all I'll hear is the complaining (putting it nicely). 

It upsets me when we fight, but I'm tired of hearing it all the time. I wasn't even going to tell him how much we owed but I didn't know where to get the money to quietly pay off the IRS.

Anybody want a wonderful husband for the next month or so? Just until he gets over it, then I want him back. (only kidding---he's a real keeper).

Thanks for listening. Any suggestions on how to get around this crappy tax thing, please let me know.

The thing that struck me the most in your post is that you help a friend by listening to dictation.  Is this during *your* work hours?  If so, try not to answer the phone.  I know, it sounds so simple, but if you have kids, this can be tough.  Anyhow, if the friend asks why you are not answering, tell her you need to focus on getting lines so you can pay your monthly bills (stress this!).  Maybe she will get the hint.  I had to do this when a coworker called me constantly.  I'm a sole income earner so can empathize.  As for the friends working when they were asked not to, well, unfortunately, it is a supervisors/manager's job to handle.  Hopefully s/he will take care of this.  Good luck. 

Well, I just checked my account again and the $2420 is back in the account due to non-sufficient funds.  There is, however, a $34 non-sufficient funds fee that will be refunded back to me after the dispute is over.  I know that in the big picture of things this does not sound like a lot of money, but it's my money I worked for and intend to get back.  I also called the bank back and made sure that PayPal could not try to take out the money again since it was reversed due to NSF.  After the dispute and we know more information, I can totally freeze PayPal from ever taking any money out of my account again.  Right now it can only be done for the exact amount they tried to take out yesterday.  I also told PayPal to take every bit of information they had on me out of their system, that I would never be needing their services again. 

The scammers just didn't count on me being a poor working girl with little money left at the end of the month.  Maybe they should give working a try instead of trying to steal other people's hard-earned money. 

Thank you all for your replies.  This just makes me all the more aware of what I am doing on-line.  I have bought many items on-line, and this is the first time anything like this has happened to me.  If they hadn't been so greedy, I probably would have had to wait out the whole ten days. 

At least the police know about the situation. Maybe they can have a talk with the owners when they return.

If you know anyone who doesn't live in your neighborhood who would like to have a sheltie - you know, if it were me, I would give it to them. The neighbors have been gone so long, if the dog disappears one night, who is to say what happened, right? They don't deserve to have a dog if they are going to treat it this way.

JMHO

Hi Trose,

Glad you called your brother and went to your doc today....ERs on the wknd are rough.  Hope you get feeling better soon.   Keep us all updated.   Cat  

Well, I had a heart to heart with my daughter yesterday.  I broke down in tears and just told her how disappointed I was in her decision to become sexually active and how my heart was broken for her.  She cried and said she didn't want to do it again, so I hope she was being honest with me.  I found out more disturbing information on her loser boyfriend having to do with some legal trouble he's been in.  We are giving her a chance to break up with him (she doesn't know that we know about the probation, arrests, etc.), but if she doesn't, we may press charges against him, just to get rid of the loser. 

Backtracking a bit, our son works for the sheriff's department, along with a lot of his buddies, who did some checking on this guy, and dug up a laundry list of trouble he's been in.  Our son is talking to our daughter today, telling her what he knows, and giving her til tonight to break it off completely with this guy, or he's telling her he'll file charges himself against this boy.  He's already checked it all out and there are things we can get him on, but we really, REALLY don't want to go this route.  It would be so hard on our daughter.  I just want the boyfriend to disappear, go away, and leave her alone.  So now, it's not so much about s-e-x anymore, but about her getting herself into some legal trouble by association with this idiot. 

AND...his mother told my DD's best friend and my DD that she would LIE TO US about the whole situation if need be.  How can a mother allow a girl to hang out with her loser, ex-con son??? It is beyond me...if it were my son, I'd tell the girl to run, not walk, away from him, he's nothing but trouble. 

Anyway, thanks y'all so much for the support and advice.  I think I handled it ok.  I think she was shocked and surprised at how upset I was.  I just admitted to her that I didn't expect this so soon, that I really didn't know how to handle it, and that I was disappointed in her actions, BUT that her father and I both love her very, very much and we will always be here for her, no matter what happens. 

It was really emotional, but good I think for the both of us.  Her 2 best friends came in in the middle of it all, and they too spilled their guts to her, so that helped also. We all cried and laughed, and talked.  BTW, I don't mention her father much, but he's here...we're married and living together...all 3 of my kids have the same father.  We've been married over 20 years now.  He's mad, upset, disappointed, and just chomping at the bit to get his hands around this kid's throat, of course...that's how men handle things, right? But overall, he's been great. 

Thanks again, y'all!

Hi Deb,

I'll check in with his mom's web page to see what kinda hats he prefers (baseball caps, knit caps, perhaps something felt, really funky like they wear at ski resorts, doo rags or those little wrap caps with flames that bikers sport) and what states he's already gotten hats from....Don't want to duplicate or bore him.    Cat    

Once again I thank all of you for your responses.  We (DH and I, with son) went to the therapist today.  We did not tell our son about the appointment.  We just checked him out of school. I really thought there would be a lot of drama but he went very willingly.  My biggest fear after reading the post on his myspace was suicide.  I myself have a history of deep depression and at 18 tried to commit suicide.  Anyway, I liked the therapist immediately. 

After a bit of discussion with my son he asked me why I thought he needed to be here.  I told him about what I read on myspace but since making the appointment I found out a few other things.  I talked with each of his 3 closest friends separatley and they all told me very similar things.  My son is 5Ǝ and weighs about 125lbs.  In my opinion this kid is an incredibly healthy eater for the most part, but take him to a Chinese buffet and he eats 2 to 4 plates full.  Same thing with lasagna, he can't get enough.  He has never said a word to us when we are together as a family about eating too much, but when he is with his friends eating out, which is at least once a week or more, he always talks about how fat he is and even sometimes says oh I ate so much I have to go throw up now.  They also talked about his moodiness but just sort of thought, we all go through those days, which I agree.

When I told this to the therapist in front of my son he kept saying it was a joke.  Well, 2 of his friends are very overweight.  I asked him how he could joke about this in front of them.  He just kept saying, just like about the myspace post, it is just a joke.  Obviously there is more going on here. 

He then talked with the therapist alone for about 30 minutes.  We took him to lunch afterwards and I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about and he shrugged his shoulders and acted like what in particular should we talk about, so I let it drop.  We took him back to school and he did tell me he loved me before he got out of the car (I said it first and it is something we say in our family all the time).  After school he seemed fine but only had a few minutes because he had to get to tennis. 

I think possibly I over reacted to the threat of suicide, but I am now afraid of an eating disorder.  His bedroom and bathroom are in the basement so if he is thowing up I am definitely not aware of it. 

Yes I will definitely be more aware of his actions after we eat together and it really sucks that I have no idea what he and the therapist talked about, but I do feel better for having followed through with the appointment.  We go back in about 10 days so I feel the doc does not think he is about to harm himself.  As a matter of fact he told my son in front of us that everything they discussed he could not tell me unless he thought there was a possibility of him harming himself. 

Gosh guys, this is soooo long again.  If I didn't have you I don't know who I would talk to.  Thanks!

I just talked to my daughter's teacher.  She is really nice.  I told her about the situation and that I was concerned, especially since the mom hung up on me.  She told me she kept an eye on them in class and at lunch the girls sat together, and there were no problems as far as she could see.

She felt I did the right thing by attempting to talk to the mother and also contacting her to let her know what was going on.  She seemed to think that the "friend" has a problem sharing my daughter with the other girls and that she is a one friend type of girl. 

The teacher said she won't contact the "friend's" mom at this time because it could escalate things and I agreed with that. 

The "friend" may be going to another school next year (they're currently in private school).  She also said she was going to make a note that they not be in the same class next year in case she comes back next year.

I'm definitely happy about that!

Some of you may recall a few weeks ago when I posted about getting into a verbal altercation with the mother of a child on the opposing team.  I just wanted to give those of you who commented an update.  We played that team again yesterday and the mother was there standing where I normally stand.  I chose this time to stand on the opposite side of the field, even though my view was a little obstructed.  I said nothing to her the entire game and didn't even look her way when I passed her on my way to the concession stand.  I took your advice and kept my mouth shut.  We lost the game, but that's okay because I had the chance firsthand to see the embarrassment a child suffers when parents get out of control

Earlier this week, it was team picture night.  The mother of the child on the opposing team was there, as was her husband who is one of the assistant coaches for their team.  He made a nasty comment about the manager of his own team (using 4-letter words in front of the team) because the manager didn't realize he would be in the team pictures (he just thought they were individual) and the manager of his team "fired" him from his assistant coaching position.  So instead of just his mom standing in my usual spot, his dad was there, too.  I can only imagine the embarrassment their child must have felt because his dad was not on the field. 

I know now that my actions could have caused me to be suspended from even watching a game or 2.  I wouldn't want to hurt my kids like that.  So thanks to all for your good advice.  I have spent the last several weeks videotaping my kids rather than worrying about who's winning and who's losing. 

i took my car to my mechanic today and he said it's a bad sensor on one of my tires and that sensor is also making my abs light come.  it's going to cost $300 to get that fixed.  it's something that is not dangerous, but it is annoying.  just thought i'd pass this along in case any of ya's come across this problem.

After discussing the subject with my husband and coming up with the right words to say, I have spoken with my MIL and there will be NO MORE 4-wheeler rides.  What a relief!  And talking to her about it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I just hope she sticks to it.  I told her I would bring the stroller along from now on, and she can my daughter around the yard in that instead.  I feel much better for now, but I'm sure there will be more battles like this in the future.  I will just have to remind her that I am the mother, and when it comes to my daughter, it's my way or no way.  :)

Well, 4 hours was probably too harsh to expect an 8-year-old to sit on a chair.  He sat for about 1/2 hour.  Then I went out and talked to him.  My husband is not physical in any way.  He has never laid a finger on me and he rarely even argues back with me.  If anything, I'm the one with the temper.  However, I don't walk around smacking my kids or anything like that.  I've always tried to remain calm when correcting my kids, but lately, this kid really pushes my buttons.  We have spanked our kids when younger, nothing more than a tap or 2 on the bottom.  It probably hurt their pride more anything.  However, we've come to the realization that spankings just don't work, especially as they get older.  My other 2 kids don't have this problem with controlling their tempers.

I seriously think he just is impulsive.  He's always been that way.  I basically told him that we all have to be in control of our own bodies and that sometimes it's hard to control, but we have to learn how.  I also told him that I know that he knows how because he does it in school.  He's never been in any real trouble at school.  I also told him that I loved him but that his behavior upsets the whole house.  He has to learn to get in control of it and to get used to people telling him what to do.  He resists authority; he likes to think he's in charge.  In the end, I left him off the chair after about 40 minutes total and gave him a hug.  I told him I loved him and asked him to apologize to his brother, which he did.  He's been fine ever since and that was 2 hours ago.  I know it's never over, but at least this one is.

Thanks for the support. 

First of all, thanks to you who took the time to respond.  I think the verification of my thoughts makes me feel better knowing that others would handle it the way I thought it should be handled.

Yesterday, my sister and I exchanged e-mails and I finally had to block her e-mail address as I couldn’t take anymore (and my work was really suffering).  Next thing I know she shows up at my door and wouldn’t leave.  I tried not answering and hid in my daughter’s room hoping she would leave.  I gave up after five or more minutes and answered the door.  Let me start off saying that this is not a normal occurrence in my family and anything like this has never happened before (except when we were kids).  We were standing at my front door having a screaming match when she reached over pulled my hair and pushed me.  I couldn’t believe it.  I put my hands up to protect myself and said “I’m calling the cops” and I did.  She left at that point.  During my 911 conversation, I realized with the business my sister is in if she has any record at all she will lose her business and I tried changing my mind and hanging up, but they wouldn’t let me.  When the officers arrived, they described it was a domestic violence call because we are family and they have to figure out what happened.  I explained to them everything and that my first instinct was to call 911, but I shouldn’t have but it was my first instinct.  She didn’t hurt me at all.  Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do.  But because I didn’t have any marks they wouldn’t arrest her, but it would be up to the prosecutor’s office.  Of course, I know how wrong it was and because of that it was the right thing to call 911.  I love her kid and don’t want him to suffer because of what a potential police record could do to her business.

I’m devastated.  You only have one family in life and mine is pretty much gone now.  My sister (and BIL) have always been the type of person who screws everyone around her.  I tried so hard to tell my husband how they are, but up until this point he didn’t understand what I meant.  She thinks I’m wrong and it is 100% our fault.  I do take blame for my husband’s actions in this whole affair and believe me he knows how upset I am because he didn’t listen to me about them.  It’s said and done, but a life lesson for all.  Think twice about storing something at someone else’s house (even family).  This was only supposed to be very temporary until my husband could finish cleaning out our garage so the quads could go in there.

I’m so glad today is a new today.

I looked again at some of the stuff.  It is all recent as the computer website history only goes back 5 days.  Some of it is male on male, transvestite, S&M also, kinky sex forums.  Now I am really worried. 

As far as looking at his private computer.....he's been acting suspiciously for about the past year.  I felt that if he was behaving suspiciously in a way that could compromise my well-being it was worth checking out.  I would give the same advice to anyone.  If I found nothing I could have put my mind at rest, and if I did find something it would confirm what I already knew in my heart perhaps.

Everyone - thanks for the advice so far.