Use caution....
Posted By: Innocent Bystander on 2009-01-08
In Reply to: Need advice from those of you who have been there. SM - anon
I posted briefly on this before to someone in a similar situation.
I watched my sister hit her female 'midlife crisis', become bored and antsy, feeling like her youth was gone and bored with her overweight (he always had been since she met him), somewhat 'selfish' husband/father of her daughter.
Let me preface this with MHO that most guys ARE somewhat selfish. I don't think they even mean to be. My BF is FANTASTIC...cooks, cleans, does laundry, runs errands, you name it, and I love him to death, but sometimes even he can be a whiny pain in my booty. I don't think they can help it; I suspect it's genetic or just that inbred notion that we women are 'caretakers' or something inherent in their systems, lol!!!
Anyway, my sister's husband hadn't cheated on her, never verbally or physically abused her, tried to include her in activities he enjoyed, but she was convinced she was unhappy and could do 'better'.
They owned a gorgeous home on 5 acres of property, a small plane, a speed boat, a houseboat, and a time share in Hawaii.
She met someone who caught her eye and left her husband because she was 'bored and just not happy anymore.' She gave up her share of all of their material goods for a quick cash settlement because her new guy didn't work and owed an immense amount of back child support she felt it was her duty to help him catch up (*eye roll*).
Instead of her gorgeous home, she ended up living literally in a 1-room converted garage on the guy's mother's property. The former PETA advocate, who used to badger me for eating crab and lobster because of the inhumane way they were cooked and refused to eat anything 'with a face', was soon helping catch and butcher her own wild pigs to have food for dinner.
Whereas in her marriage, she had been allowed to take her daughter on multiple mini-vacations a year, to go shopping, go out with girlfriends, etc., with this new guy, she is not allowed out of his sight UNLESS it's something he's deemed necessary and, even at that, he calls her every 15 to 20 minutes on her cell phone to see where she's at, who she's with, how long before she gets home, etc.
She looks terrible, has gained a great deal of weight, has stopped keeping up her appearance and, in short, is a prisoner in her own self-created he!!.
If you ask her now, she'll gladly tell you she'd give anything to go back to being "bored and just not happy" rather than the constant state of misery and suffocation she now finds herself in.
If you're honestly not happy and are POSITIVE this isn't just a passing phase, you know what you need to do. Life's too short to be unhappy.
On the other hand, if you're just having a temporary lull in your life and seeking a little excitement of missing your youth, PLEASE do yourself a favor and think long and hard before you act.
Sometimes that old pair of shoes is much more comfortable than a new pair.
Good luck, whichever way you decide to go.
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sorry, missed that, but use caution just the same
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Sometimes I am reminded why I do this job and it makes me love it all over again! I have to work, we need the income, no doubt about it. But right now I am looking outside at my children playing in the sprinkler (we have a well, so no water restrictions) with the dogs running and kitten running from the water and my kids with not a care in the world for the moment. Remember that feeling?? Now, even when I do venture out and play with them in the back of my mind I still have thoughts of what I "should" be doing - working more, cleaning, paying bills. Right now they get to just be kids. I love it!
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