Try community college first sm
Posted By: BZMT on 2008-10-07
In Reply to: Both of my sons are in college now. - alumni mom
It was "not cool" for my kids to go to college locally, so we literally "wasted" good money on out-of-state high brow -- only to find unhappiness at missing the friends, girlfriends, etc. One ended up back in state at a good university at a much less drain on our budget and he is now a professor there. Can't tell these kids much about smart moves if they are hell bent on going away from home and driving your bank accounts to the limit. Community 2-year colleges locally are wonderful and most good universities will accept these credits, it's a great way not only to save money but to let them get their feet wet and get a lot of experience with what they are actually really talented at. Can't tell them much, but you can try, it will save you a lot of heartache and less drain on your budget for the "real stuff" such as grad school, etc., which is almost imperative today to compete. Good luck!!!
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Yes it is from a community college - thanks (nm)
x
I LOVE my community but having said that
you gotta know, I live in an association run neighborhood. There is none of the littering, loud noises, crappy yard keeping with beer bottles, used cars and the like in them, keep your home looking presentable and it is WONDERFUL. I called the fire dept 1 time only and that was because the next door neighbor decided he would have a cookout- now that would not have been so bad except his little woody area right behind him is the same woody area I share right next to him. In our county no outside burning of any kind and he could have lit his home up as well as mine. I did not confront, just had them come over and put his fire out. We are not allowed to let animals run loose in the community (my pets are all inside ones anyway) but it is just a blessing to live in such a place.
I think the reason the gay community has been
'flaunting' their preferences is because they feel it's time they had the same rights as heterosexuals, and there are certainly plenty of those making out on the beach, as well. For centuries the religious right has persecuted them. If you look closely, most religions are the root cause behind prejudice, persecution, and violence towards certain groups of people that are of a different mindset.
I happen to have lots of gay friends, and some are 'flaming', so to speak, and others you would never guess that they're gay. But ALL of them are extremely well educated, make tons more money than I do as an MT, pay taxes, support their communities, and in several communities in particular in my area, have taken run-down neighborhoods and turned them into the most desirable real-estate in the area. Some have kids, some have pets, some are artists/performers, others are doctors or lawyers, and they're totally nice people and loyal friends. So if they want to get into a lip-lock in public and I happen to see it, it doesn't bother me at all. Love is love.
If they are active in their community, then why
are you saying in quotations they are showing the children off? I think this speaks a lot for the way you are feeling towards them or her and it seems to me maybe she loves them and wants to let people know her grandchildren also. As a child I had to go spend time at my great aunt and uncle's house and they did not even have a television, only farm books, absolutely nothing for kids- we were not told we would do cookies. We went and said nothing- we were children but a little bit older than yours now. Why do you not send them a care gift for there, things they might enjoy doing on their own so their grandparents might also get time with them?
My husband does community plays....sm
when the opportunity arises and helps me with the kids choir at church. Some people are just loners, meaning they really don't want to do anything other than work and home. My stepdaughter is that way and I also wish she'd take an interest in outside things, but that's just her personality.
He is great around the house - we split the house chores and pitch in together to get whatever needs to be done, done.
The Christian community has always thought they were better than everyone else.
Religion has often been the catalyst of wars...hence the one we are in now.
My community demands that we keep our yard
free of the bugs and weeds and we were infested with grubs this past year. We have spent a lot of time trying to rid our yard because they do so much damage. The management came by while this was going on and sent letter that we try to remedy the problem. I have to use these, sorry but I do like a nice lawn.
My community does not allow yard burials but
i have like a flower place in my back, no one can see from either side and if my pet dies, would definitely bury there and then have some flowers also there. No one can see into the back of my place, wooden area between me and the others!!
Agree about stairs. Think I'd like a community where we could
s
Come to my community in Pembroke Pines.
xx
Community Yard Sale
I posted earlier on here about ideas about having yard sale. Someone said for early birds to put sign out saying everything before 8 double the price. Well, that sounds good but in reality one of the first about 7:30 this morning before all set out got indignant that I would have a sign out like that, stating she had been to sooo many sales before and did I want to sell or not? Not was basically my answer. I did this because I had never been involved in my community yard sale but it was so much effort and very little return. I even had a Hispanic ask me would I mind if he used the bathroom in my backyard- told him someone back there and besides that my neighbors would mind. My community has high end homes and besides that, there are laws against things like that. Oh well, live and learn.
We buy presents for kids in a community
nm
I asked for community service when he took off
A month ago he took off and was wandering around and I called him in as a runaway. I asked for community service then, which they refused to give him, and I was also told that I have to pay for him to participate in community service.
The store said they don't care what the court system decides, their 100 has nothing to do with whatever punishment he gets legally.
He has been grounded so long that I can't remember him being ungrounded at this point. He has lost all the "fun" in his life.
One of my old bosses called and asked if she could pay him to make some desserts for her birthday party so he'll be using that money to pay the store some.
I also know of one religion that helps out community
they actually pay back some in taxes to communities where there is a volunteer fire department, etc., precisely because they benefit from such services.
Dailystrength.com....an online community..sm
There's a ton of different support groups,etc. It's a great place to make freinds, relieve stress, talk, etc. I'm on there a lot and it's really a great place. No one bashes you, everyone understands, you meet people in the same boat, etc. Give it a try.
You're definitely not alone. I hope things work out for you and I wish there was something I could do to help. It's so hard nowadays. I have to take antidepressants or I wouldn't get out of bed. It really sucks. What I can do, though, is be a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes the friends you can't "see" are the easiest to talk to. I know it is for me.
Does your community have a dog obedience class? -(sm)-
Not only do you get great training for yourself and your dog, but it's also FUN for you and your dog. You can meet lots of nice people (and dogs) that way, too.
When I was a teenager, my friend and I took our dogs to a class that was held in our local park every Saturday, and we had a blast.
Another option, with a different approach, is watching tapes by the 'Dog Whisperer'. My sister adopted a puppy from the pound that got VERY big, VERY fast! She adopted the Dog-Whisperer's 'be the leader of the pack' approach, which has worked very well for her dog. (It's a cross between a golden retriever and an alaskan malamute.... BIG doggie!)
Most obedience classes use a choke-chain (NOT a spike-collar!) and a 6-foot regulation leather leash as training aids. My sister used a little dog-halter that goes on the head called a 'Gentle Leader'. I was amazed at how well her dog learned to walk at her side and not pull. She has now graduated to just a regular collar, but my sister carries the Gentle Leader with her for those occasional times then her dog gets a little excited and needs a reminder.
Either way is an enjoyable, easy and most of all, humane way of leash-training a dog, and the results were excellent. I was particularly impressed by how my sister's dog turned out. Some of her dogs in the past have been pretty wild and crazy - this dog is the sweetest, most well-behaved dog I've ever met. She can take that dog ANYWHERE: The dog park, downtown on crowded sidewalks, to work (has her own business), parades, you name it.
It might be harder and take longer to get results with an older dog with already-established naughty habits, but I think that with time, patience and persistence, you can make a lot of positive changes.
Good luck! :)
Exactly, a very large *gated* community in my state
was pretty much taken over by mostly gang/drug dealer types! I guess they want to keep the cops out ; ) lol
Having community wide yard sale and
had it not been for this post I probably would not have checked my bracelets out. This was posted last week but I thought some that replied might be interested to know it was exactly like they thought, more expensive than just the average and collectable.
We also had a community yard sale this weekend.
I've done this three other times in the 23 years that I've lived here. Every time was way more hassle then it was worth. For me, the point of my yard sales has never been to make cash. Rather, I'm just trying to clear clutter. And people who come to a yard sale can be soooo rude and pushy. They'll want to haggle over something that costs 50 cents! This time, I put everything out and told my home-from-college son to run the sale. He could keep the money. It was worth it to him, but I won't ever do it again. I spent so much time getting the stuff together and getting it ready and tagged. I could have done something more enjoyable with my precious time!
Next time I want to clear clutter, I'm tossing and donating. No more selling!
...nm up there. Very sad. And we live in an older, settled community,
s
Yes he will. The Muslim community will close ranks on this man.
They will call it an "Honor-Killing." What it is, is out and out murder. But Hussan will spend but minimal time incarcerated. The Muslim's have our country cowed. CAIR, AIPAC, and all the other Muslim alphabet soup groups will close ranks to defend him against an "evil and corrupt" legal system. He will have a defense fund the likes of which most people will never see.
They will call people who want to try him for this crime islamophobes or worse. They will threaten retribution against the judge, law enforcement people, whoever is involved in this case. Self-preservation is a great motivator.
Hopefully the legal system will do what it is supposed to do...put guilty people in jail. But we will have to see how the wind blows.
IMHO, the wind blows towards Mecca and the Muslims.
I once had a psycho boss at a small community -
hospital I worked at. Our transcription dept. consisted of just 3 of us, and we sat in a far corner of the medical records dept., next to the microfilm guy. The boss ('P'), and I were the only full-time MTs; the other MT only worked half-days, and she and I shared a desk. She worked from 8-12:30, I worked from 1-9:30 pm. This boss gave me the longest, most ridiculous oral 'transcription' test I've ever taken anywhere. Oddly, no typing test. So, I was hired.
The other MT told me no matter what you do, don't do more work than P, or she'll get insanely jealous. ?? So one fateful day, I made the mistake of typing more reports than she did. She changed to several different shades of red and purple, and I never saw anyone's lips get so thin in my entire life! Her mouth became just a pencil-thin straight line. After that day, she made my life a living he11. Always picking apart my work, trying to say I'd skipped out of work early one day and missed the life-flight helicopter bringing patients to the ER. (No, I was there, and I typed their H&P's).
She also had a running feud going on with the entire MR department, and instructed me that I wasn't allowed to speak with ANY of them. I was friends with the microfilm guy, and others in MR, and so I very politely told her that although I wouldn't chit-chat with them while I was WORKING, that what I did on my breaks and my own time was my own business, and that no one tells me who I may or may not associate with.
Would you believe this b___ch would actually feign leaving work for the day (her shift ended at 5 pm), and then would sneak back anywhere from 15 minutes to 5 hours later, just to peep in the window from outside and see if I was talking to anyone? She was a real piece of work, that one.
I eventually took another job (with a service that she occasionally sent our overflow work to). The new boss didn't want me telling her where I was going (which I wouldn't have, anyway - she was a very vindictive person), so when she asked where I was going to, I made up a doctor in the city - an impossible to pronounce, Chinese-sounding name. I told her it sounded sort of like 'Chiaong', but I had no idea how it was spelled. I also told her that because of his very thick accent, he was going to pay me twice what I was making at the hospital. Boy, did she ever turn dark RED when I told her THAT!
A few days later, my other co-worker (obviously on instructions from P), was trying to squeeze the name and address of the new 'doctor' out of me, but I just told her I knew where the building was, but that I'd walked there from an underground parking lot and didn't know the address, just that it was on the 9th floor. I just KNEW P. wanted to find this doctor and try to get the job for herself (which I learned is how she got the MT job at that hospital). So, I'm sure she spent hours perusing the downtown phone book, looking for Dr. 'Chiaong'!!! I also wouldn't have put it past her to go off in search of this mythical medical building I made up.
Sometimes mean people can be fun to jerk around. ;)
Community living versus single-family dwelling
I was raised in a large single-family home, although it was on a cul-de-sac and there were no other girls my age in the neighborhhood. That was okay for me at the time because I was a tomboy (and because that was decades ago!). I didn't attend school with the kids on my street. I went to a private school where my mom was a teacher.
Now, I am raising my granddaughter in an apartment community (I was already in an apartment when she came to live with me). Because of my financial situation and the area in which I live and the schools I want her to attend, there is no possible way for me to purchase a home for the two of us. My own kids lived in a single-family neighborhood before my divorce, then lived in a mobile home (double-wide trailer...common in these parts of the woods).
I have so many conflicts about how children feel about the type of living arrangements they have, i.e., a _real house_ versus an apartment complex versus a mobile home community. Personally, I would rather rent an apartment and not be responsible for reparis, but that means a constant turnover of other kids for my GD to relate to, which is also the situation in an apartment complex. I don't want to buy a mobile home - which is what I qualify for grants, subsidies and low-interest loans in this area - so she can go to a better school. Would this cause her to be more shame in her personal relationships with other kids at school than a mobile home community??
I would rather live in a townhome or condo, but that won't happen for some years to come. Since I would be a first-time buyer, there are grants I would qualify for, just no financing because of the high cost of single-family homes and for TH/condos in the area where I want her to attend school.
Can anyone offer advice or experiences about growing up in a multi-family community such as an apartment complex...mobile homes (I know how my own kids felt about it now in hindsight)..versus a condo/townhome or single-family home? I have some time to try to put things together before she starts school, so I am trying to decide what the best course of action for her sake. If I decide to move, it will be to plant roots for the two of us for a long time, so I want to try to make the best decision possible.
Thanks for any input!
Doesn't sound like my idea of a great community when your neighbor hears you whisper
I'm with you. Love the country. Most of those homeowner's associations (at least here in Texas) are power mongers.
college son
I agree - take the phone away! My son's first away job was at age 18. He was sent to NYC Kennedy Airport as his base (flight attendant). We live in a tiny little town in IL. Of course, I wanted him to be safe, blah, blah, blah. First phone bille I got was over $200.00. His dad gave him a credit card for emergencies - first bill was over $3000.00 - you guessed it. Took both away. Got him a number to call home with, no one else. Phone companies do that somehow. Dad started sending a fixed amount (flight attendants are paid terrible wages in the beginning) Fifteen years later, he is an extremely successful hair stylist with his own hair product line in Spr. Illinois. You have to do something now or you will be broke, he will waste a year at school and they will probably make it or break it no matter what you do. Hang in there! He WILL grow up!
college son
I could have written that same thing except this is my daughter and her boyfriend is a loser. Dont like him and havent even met him. She goes to a junior college where we live and works PT. He on the other hand does not go to school and does not have a job. When will it end. Any advice.
college son
My son's spree ended when he was 27. He spent years "finding his niche." Flight attendant, waiter, retail clerk. Constantly broke, moving absolutely continually between IL, NY, IA and MO. Drove us nuts. After a few moves, I stopped helping with moves - "if you want to move, get your friends to help." After bleeding his dad (we were divorced, then he died) and my mom (you know the ask grandma thing) practically dry, he finally had to grow up. Went to hair college in Iowa and has been working his tail off ever since. It took him years to mature, years of poor choices, years of being poor to finally realize that his life was up to him, not anyone else. He is now totally responsible - I am so proud of him. For the past 2 years in a row, he has earned the Iliinois Times "Springfield's Best" title for hair stylist. Quite an honor. Your son will be okay. Some young guys don't make college on the first try and have to do it again a few years later. Hang in there.
College vs. not
I am a year away from graduating with a Bachelors in psychology with counseling. I'm pretty sure it will be useful, but there is no way of knowing now.
However,
My husband just graduated in May 2008 with his History degree. This week he finally got a job, and more than likely he could have gotten it without a degree (managing a sports store), but I am sure it helped, since he doesn't have a lot of retail experience.
I think it's kind of a 50/50 deal. You could get a degree, and never need it. Or you could get one and not need it until later on in your career when you want to move up. Or you could not get it and get blocked for all kinds of jobs.
In the end I would probably do college over again just because I love learning.
Anyone out there going to college at age 40? sm
I am considering about ditching the MT scene once my children graduate from high school (in 7 years). I am currently 42 years old and considering going for a Bachelors in computers. Anyone else doing this?
pray tell, how DID they get to college and/or
I'm back in college now. You
have me thinking about getting a class ring too - how funny. But the ring I like best is the class ring my mom has. I never see that style anymore. No stone, not overly large or fine either, just gold with a narrow, stacked rectangular portion in the middle that has white gold while the rest of the ring is yellow gold.
Maybe I should just see if I can get her ring back from her; I let her have it back when I moved out of the house after wearing it a lot after high school.
HELP, son in first year of college... psm
I don't get to post very often, but I am kind of at a loss as to what to do. We are having a real problem here.
My son has always been a very good kid. He has always made good grades. He has never gotten into much trouble. Well, he got almost a full-paid scholarship to college. We always told him that if he got a scholarship, we would get him a car. Well, he got the scholarship and carefully researched what kind of car he wanted. We went out and got him a car.
Subsequently, he became involved with a girl. I don't have a problem with his girlfriend. She's very sweet and I do like her. The problem is this. I got the first phone bill after he left and he was texting her day and night. So, we asked him to cut back. We pay the phone bill. We make the rules. We have unlimited messages but 15,000 messages in one month just seems crazy when he is complaining about being exhausted. We worked it out. At 10 seconds a message it would be 40 hours worth of texting...
He comes home for the weekend and we take him to dinner. Fifteen dollar dinner and he is falling asleep at the dinner table. He proceeds to tell us how miserable he is at school. We explain to him how sorry we are, but he is stuck there at the very least for this year as he is already enrolled etc. We also made it clear that he needed to at least try to make it work.
So, he continues to text day and night even though he promised he would cut down. He was texting during classes, which just seems wrong to me. It is disrespectful to the professors and unfair to the students sitting around him. We threatened to take his phone away. He finally stopped doing that but now I have my suspicions he is cutting class to talk on AIM to his girlfriend, and he had to drop the only difficult class he had or he was going to fail it and lose his scholarship. He is lying to us about stuff. He is being deceitful about stuff. I am just at my wits end.
This is a nice girl from a nice family. We know her parents. We like her. We like her parents. But I feel like she is trying to control his life from 2 hours away and it is working. It is almost like he is chosing to be miserable to accommodate her. I talked to her mother last week and one day she called home 15 times. My husband feels like we shouldn't talk to her parents about this.
We know that we can't make dating her an issue because that will just make him want to date her all the more. I am at a loss as to what if anything to do about it. My husband says that if he is chosing to be miserable then he can be miserable and that college is what you make of it. I am 95% sure he wants to change schools and go where his girlfriend is going. Well, that is the most expensive school in the state and he will be giving up a free ride to do that plus he now has an almost new car that we would have to deal with because he would not get to keep that and go to the expensive school. No way, no how. I have serious reservations about him going to a school with a party-school reputation when he has a free education at a very good school. I also do not want to pay $18,000 a year so that he can be with his girlfriend no matter how much I like her.
Any words of wisdom?
1st year of college
Went that same route, it was awful. A psychoogist friend of mine told me not to panic, to insist he finish out the year where he was. He then transferred the 2nd year. He is now married to someone he met in that second college, has beautiful children, etc. Yet to say that was one of the most horrible years of my life would be the truth. Hang in there, be stronger than he, he's just a kid, really, thinks he's in love. You on the other hand are paying for him and working yourself to death for him. Take the phone away or at least make him sign a contract that he will finish the year out, will limit his phone bill, etc. You are the boss of him, not the other way around. It's horrible, I know, but tough it out. This girl cannot be too smart, but probably very sexy. Not much you can do about it. Have your husband step in and take over or else you will be the classic Monster-In-Law. Time for Dad to be the boss here and set the rules, tell him to step up to the plate and stop being Mr. Nice Guy! He needs a strong male image to step in and tell him what the rules are, not you.
My son threw college away....
My mother was gonna pay for everything including tuition, books, clothing, you name it. He went in the front door and out the back. Later my father offered to send him to some sort of trade school, all expenses paid. Son married then, 2 children, turned it down. He basically has had horrible attitude towards any job he has ever had and usually quit/fired. I have not talked with him now in about 3 years (he lives close by). I have wished he and his family the best- I quit being the bank for them. If I could make it without extra help around to raise 2 children, with their family having both parents there, children out of high school, they can certainly make it. Good luck to them.....
I don't have children old enough for college yet, but
I did hear that there are all sorts of scholarships out there, you just have to know where to look. Maybe someone else will know exactly how to find them, but I remember hearing that there's some sort of book out (maybe try googling)where you can get a scholarship just (as an example) for being Polish or Italian and some places give out scholarships for the oddest things. Good luck. My daughter wants to be a vet, and the school she'll want to go to Cornell is so expensive, if she doesn't get a scholarship there's no way we can afford it.
paying for college
I have two sons in college right now ...one out-of-state, one in a private university. They both end up getting paid to go to school because they have so many scholorships. Did the high school counselor help me find any....NO. We are in a small town and I got no help from the school or town. Neither one of my sons played any sports...but I will tell you what I found out...what is more important is that your child is involved in school and the community. They don't care if they have ever worked a day in their life...they want to know what they have done in school grade wise, and community wise. Even just ringing the bells for the Salvation Army at Chrismtas time will earn you a scholorship. I filled out over 56 scholorships for both my sons to go to school for free...you just have to learn as you go how to word answers on the scholorships. We are not poor but we are not rich...but we made to much money to get any FAFSA help.
COLLEGE AND SCHOLARSHIPS
My first daughter was lucky with the scholarships and has just graduated from a private college in state with a degree in Nursing (BSN). She went to this $34,000 a year college for $13,000 a year but still has $60,000 of student loans to pay back but she makes $3,000 a month and has no other expenses. My other daughter chose to go out of state and Massachusetts only helps in state students. She goes to Umass at Amherst and there is so many scholarships if you live in MA. Anyway she is also on student loans. I told my girls this is the only way you can go to high priced colleges if this is what you want. They have 10 years to pay for them once they graduate. Most of their friends are doing the same way. We also applied the FASA 4 years in a row and it helped with the first child but even when I had both in college it did not help my second child. She still has to pay the going rate for out of state. I even called up Umass and said another college in MA is giving her $10,000 scholarship off the tuition and they said well tell her to go there. I really think it depends on the college. GOOD LUCK
college in Morehead
I went to college in Morehead in the late 70s.. it has grown a lot since then. . they are even getting a super Wal-Mart soon.. lol.
It is also title used on college and job
x
college costs
DD just got accepted to the Pratt Institute, an art and design college in NY. Cost for first year including room, board, fees, books, etc., $48,000. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Seems like a lot money to learn how to paint and make collages.
college was definitely wasted on me
First I tried sociology, then quit to get married. Then I tried nursing school but couldn't deal with it anymore, so I purposefully got pregnant so I could quit in my last semester of school (first trimester of the pregnancy). I'm just not smart enough for that stuff anyway.
Is College Worth It?
As parents pack their youngsters off to college, they might ask themselves whether it's worth both the money they will spend and their children's time. Dr. Marty Nemko has researched that question in an article aptly titled "America's Most Over-rated Product: Higher Education (www.martynemko.com/articles/americas-most-overrated-product-higher-education_id1539)."
The U.S. Department of Education statistics show that 76 out of 100 students who graduate in the bottom 40 percent of their high school class do not graduate from college, even if they spend eight and a half years in college. That's even with colleges having dumbed down classes to accommodate such students. Only 23 percent of the 1.3 million students who took the ACT college entrance examinations in 2007 were prepared to do college-level study in math, English and science. Even though a majority of students are grossly under-prepared to do college-level work, each year colleges admit hundreds of thousands of such students.
While colleges have strong financial motives to admit unsuccessful students, for failing students the experience can be devastating. They often leave with their families, or themselves, having piled up thousands of dollars in debt. There is possibly trauma and poor self-esteem for having failed, and perhaps embarrassment for their families. Dr. Nemko says that worst of all is that few of these former college students, having spent thousands of dollars, wind up in a job that required a college education. It's not uncommon to find them driving a taxi, working at a restaurant or department store, performing some other job that they could have had as a high school graduate or dropout.
What about students who are prepared for college? First, only 40 percent of each year's 2 million freshmen graduate in four years; 45 percent never graduate at all. Often, having a college degree does not mean much. According to a 2006 Pew Charitable Trusts study, 50 percent of college seniors failed a test that required them to interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, and compare credit card offers. About 20 percent of college seniors did not have the quantitative skills to estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the gas station. According a recent National Assessment of Adult Literacy, the percentage of college graduates proficient in prose literacy has declined from 40 percent to 31 percent within the past decade. Employers report that many college graduates lack the basic skills of critical thinking, writing and problem-solving.
Colleges are in business. Students are a cost. Research is a profit center. When colleges boast about having this professor who has won a science award or that professor who has won the Nobel Prize, very often an undergraduate student will never be taught by that professor. It is a "bait and switch" tactic and very often your youngster will take classes not taught by a professor but taught in large classes by a graduate student. Faculty who bring in large grants are more highly valued than faculty who teach well. Teaching excellence is so often undervalued that the late Ernest Boyer, vice president for Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, quipped that, "Winning the campus teaching award is the kiss of death when it comes to tenure."
Parents and taxpayers cough up billions upon billions of dollars to the nation's colleges and universities. Colleges make money whether students learn or not, whether they graduate or not, and whether they get a good job after graduating or not. Colleges and universities engage in "bait and switch," confer fraudulent degrees and engage in other practices that would bring legal sanctions if done by any other business. There is little or no oversight of the nation's over 4,000 colleges and universities that enroll over 17 million students. There are some colleges, such as Grove City College and Hillsdale College, that do a fine job of undergraduate education. Useful information about what colleges are doing what can be found in the Delaware-based Intercollegiate Studies Institute's "Choosing the Right College" (http://isi.org/college_guide/choosing_right_college.html).
There's more to college costs than just
the tuition. Parents have a responsibility to their children to see to it that they are educated in a manner that prepares them for a career, not flipping burgers. I know that that wasn't always the norm and that college was a privilege, but now it is a necessity. You can't make it in the world without some kind of degree and not helping your children with their education is selfish.
That's not to say that the child shouldn't bear some responsibility in this. He/she can certainly get a part-time job to help with books, living expenses, etc. I see nothing wrong with the child taking out the standard student loan either, but dumping them out the door at 18 with nothing more than a high school education is not being a responsible parent. Perhaps that's the problem today. So many parents don't have time or are too selfish worrying about themselves to make sure their children are set. It's not about money, it's about responsibility.
Judging by your responses, I'd say your husband's divorce was quite bitter and perhaps the animosity you feel should be directed toward his ex-wife and not the children. They obviously had no control over that money that was given to their mother. While my children aren't ready for college yet, one thing I have learned already is that you never stop being a parent.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We did this play when I was in college sm
I was doing props and even backstage I had to be careful not to get too emotional about it or I would miss my cue. And that scene in the movie in the cemetary just makes me bawl. When I was 10, my aunt and 3-year-old cousin were killed in a car accident, and that movie always makes me think of her and her other child, who survived the accident. He is in his 20s now.
she said she's going back to college...
to get her Master's.
so let's see, daycare for one baby in diapers is what, $500 a month?, x8 = $4000 a month. more than I make working two jobs. Just for childcare.
I would have had a different college major - sm
and been smart about saving money then and not getting into debt....and not picking the loser guys I dated until I met my husband at age 29. ---though had things been different I'd probably be married to someone else and have two totally different kids which are the 2 things I would not want to change--
My state it's to 22 if in college (nm)
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college kids sleeping together
I have an 18 and 21 year old (both girls) that go to college. Both of them have boyfriends out of State. So they come to visit and these boys sleep in another room because my daughters know I would not care to have them sleep in the same beds in my home. I told them I am not running a hotel. I always tell them there is a diference between a college dorm and our home. What happens at college I don't see. Last night I asked the 18 year old when you go to your boyfriend's house who is 20where do you sleep. (I never met the parents. She said the stepmom said she would not have a problem sharing the same bed in her home but knows that her stepson does not share one in our home so she wants to respect our wishes. I know when my daugther went off to college she was never sexually active and had morals. This woman is 38 and I am 52. There is also a 10 year old boy that lives in that same house. My daugter told me they are more like hippies compared to us. Am I being a prude or does anyone feel the same way I do.
how many of you needed scholarships for college
tuition for you or a child and didn't qualify - did ya know the illegal immigrants are getting them? That's when I went off!
Not until 9/6 near Philadelphia. College kid left, tho.
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