Trust your instincts. nm
Posted By: just say no on 2008-07-06
In Reply to: want opinions - would you let your 16 YO daughter - sm - wondering
xx
Complete Discussion Below: marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old. To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
You have to follow your instincts and
A therapist ideally really should be able to adjust their style to the needs of the client. In the end, what matters is are you making progress? ... is she helping you address the issues you came to her with in a way that is meaningful to you? ... and is she challenging you emotionally? It reminds me of the movie, Girl Interrupted, where Angelina Jolie's character is lamenting that nobody cared enough to push her buttons. It's one thing to be a friend who is supportive and accepting of one as they already are. It's another to not care enough to "push the right buttons" to help someone challenge their shortcomings.
It sounds like you have examined this relationship and find it lacking. There is no shame in telling someone, even a therapist, that you are not getting out the relationship as much as you are putting into it (in this instance, a lot of money). At least you can say learning to trust your instincts is one thing you did get out of the relationship.
Follow your instincts
I had this happen years ago with my brother. I tried to make him realize I didn't do what he thought, but he wouldn't budge. I chalk it up as a lesson learned in life, you can't make another person think or believe anything they don't want to. If I dwell on it, it still burns me up, so I try to leave it behind. Anyway, trust your instincts, they will never let you down.
Use your motherly instincts and keep
your child safe. I live in Georgia and we hear of so many accidents involving children and ATVs. No one can replace your child if something should happen. You know what to do.
Use your motherly instincts
You have a right to have normal motherly instincts, and I think you know what those are with regard to this situation. A 4-wheeler is not safe enough for a child of that age, and your MIL should know that. Even adults have been killed in accidents with these vehicles, even when they are driven safely, but too much can happen. There is no real protection for children on these vehicles, and she can easily be thrown from one. Just think, you put your child in a safety restraint seat in your car for a reason, these vehicles have no protection, and she is not old enough to protect herself should something go wrong, so definitely I would not even think about putting a child on something like this.
Just tell your MIL the same things I have told you politely. If she puts up a fuss, just ignore her and think about the safety of your child first. My daughter lives on a farm and would not even let my grandson set foot on one of these until he was over 8.
You were surprised she got it? A cat's instincts for birds, especially, are sm
great. They keep their eyes on it and it's over. Especially a young one. So sad. I hate the circle of life. All of our goats were attacked and killed by neighborhood dogs a few weeks ago and people are telling me, "Oh well, that's what dogs do!" I wanted to slap them.
Thanks so much! I went and got Clairol natural instincts
sunflower medium golden blonde - the one that washes out after 28 shampoos and doesn't lift or lighten because I was a little afraid to try that right now. I will tell you it straightened this mess right up! At least now all of the highlights appear the same color and are more golden, it is just overall darker than I would like but still much more flattering than what I had. When this starts to wash out I will go to Sally's and maybe try an overall lighter color as you suggest. Hopefully when all is said and done I won't even have to go to the salons anymore for color and pay them hundreds of dollars for a lousy job. I am a little annoyed because I did put out over $200 between the highlights and cut and tip but I guess I'll get over it :(
Thank you to all who helped! I feel so much better! I really am thankful for this board!
My instincts are telling me you're right (sm)
He seems so genuine and grateful and tells me how much he loves me all the time...but I have a feeling that when I wasn't coming through with cash he found someone else who would. I know he really does "need" the money, but I guess he will get it however he can.
I say trust your gut-
drownings can happen so easily, even with good supervision. If the other boy's father is going to be drinking who knows what could happen. Plus I have learned in my life that when my gut tells me something I really need to listen. Better that your son be unhappy with you for short while but alive and well.
I do not believe a trust
will jeopardize her other benefits. You should have an attorney who is well versed in this type of thing to go over all the ins and outs of the situation.
Trust
In this day and age.....I don't trust anyone....whether it is child, mother, sister, cousin.......You never know what frame of mind a person is in.......Sorry.....I should have never posted....just wanted to get some insight....not to get knocked down because of a decision I made....
When it comes down to it, you have to trust
your daughter, no matter how old the boyfriend may be.
I do trust her - sm
The problem is her dad. It took her, a counselor, and me to convince him to even get him to agree to let her see him in the mall. I agree with the other posters - I'd like to get him over here to dinner or something, maybe a BBQ now that it's getting warmer. Just have to figure out how to let Dad know they're communicating again.
Trust me ... at the end of the day s/m
no one will be looking at the state of your house. But definitely getting everyone in the household involved and sharing responsibility will give them all a satisfied feeling of being able to contribute. If you are doing all the cooking, lots of things can be done days in advance, a little at a time. It will get done -- try not to sweat it too much. Believe me, your guests will be so grateful that is wasn't them having to do it, they will look at you as the hero!
I don't trust them
They just don't seem to be accurate, and I don't like that they want you to give them information such as your address.
Trust yourself.
You already know the truth. Trust your own instincts. Face whatever you know to be the truth and deal with that.
When we begin asking others, we already have the knowledge but want others to confirm it for us.
You will make the right decision for yourself.
NEVER! Nor would I trust a US doc with a
regaining trust
I understand your disappoinment...I'm sorry you had to catch him in a lie...that's the worst.
Stick to your initial plan and don't give in....He's gotta regain/earn your trust back at this point before you let him have the car. The end of the semester may seem like an eternity, but it's only about 8 or 9 weeks and then he'll be home for Christmas break. He'll live and perhaps thank you some day.
It appears the girlfriend's parents and you are on the same page. That's a big plus.
Did you ever get that cell phone back? Cat
I do know a special needs trust will not
xx
trust your heart
Trust yourself and trust in God, as well as your doctors. They would not want anything bad to happen to your baby. By the way, if you ever have a chance to go see the Body World 3 exhibit you would love the embryo/fetus exhibit. It is absolutely amazing what a 4wk embryo looks like and how he/she develops by 16 weeks into an absolutely perfectly formed baby. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us updated on your progress.
How sad not to trust anyone, even family nm!
NM
Not sure if I trust her judgement.....she
xx
Anyone ever been trustee of a Special Needs Trust?
I've been the trustee of my older sister now since 2001 when our mother died. She is mentally retarded because she fried her brain on LSD and mescalin when she was a teenager, also is bipolar and on SSDI.
She just called me to say she is on the edge of losing all of her benefits, including her state-funded housing, because her love toy went and blabbed to the housing authority that she was getting this "extra" money and it's a huge amount. Well, it's not a huge amount by any means, not even $40,000 to last her lifetime. I'm sure she and her benefits are protected via the whole category of "Special Needs Trust" but to say my blood pressure is up is an understatement of the decade.
I just want to drive 8 hours to smack the sh*t out of her and her G-spot Johnny (did I mention she's also hypersexual?!) boy toy. Now, I'm not a violent person, but the attorney told me that the government could also come after me if they feel there has been any sort of fraud here. I'm not the one that did drugs, yet for some reason this responsibility was tossed in my lap. Hmmm...could be that whole atheist thing and this is mom's retribution.
So, anyone know anything about Special Needs Trusts I should be particularly concerned about?
You say spanking does not build trust?
It sure makes a kid do good, though. I would not raise my kids to be terrors and surely not with g'kids. I just do not have it period.
Good advice. Wish we could trust everyone. . . NM
xx
addressing trust issues...
I am so sorry you don't trust pitbulls. If you owned one you would feel differently.
I agree, trust your pets
Dogs or cats for that matter. Whether they sense trouble or they sense the personality, it doesn't really matter. They are sending you a message and you should listen. Animals are known for being loyal to their owners at all cost. It's their nature. Have you ever been sick and had your dog lay next to your bed the entire day...same sort of thing. They are being loyal and protecting you. You don't have to tell them; they just know something isn't right.
I have had this experience with several pets, including my cat. Yes, I said my cat. lol She is like a dog in a lot of ways. They just know when something is off and they will tell you the best way they can. I never tell them a person is okay or to stop barking. If things are okay or the person is okay they will stop on their own without me saying a word. Somehow they just know.
I trust my daughter but not her friends
I think my daughter knows right from wrong and would not do anything inappropriate, but I worry about the boys. They seem to be able to do a lot more than what I allow my daughter to do... some of them are older and also they have very bad manners IMO. I wish she would find someone else to hang out with. It seems like that harder I try to change her behavior, the harder she pulls in the other direction. Are all teenaged girls like that? I guess I was too at that age, but it still worries me.
I would trust my husband and throw it away...
but that is because I trust my husband and also because I know he doesn't have time for an affair ;). If you know it isn't true, don't pay it any attention.
Would you trust "out-of-the-USA" surgery?
Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.
Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.
=============================
NEW DELHI, India (CNN) -- "I was a walking time bomb. I knew I had to get on that plane if I wanted to be around to see my grandkids."
Sandra Giustina is a 61-year-old uninsured American. For three years she saved her money in hopes of affording heart surgery to correct her atrial fibrillation. "They [U.S. hospitals] told me it would be about $175,000, and there was just no way could I come up with that," Giustina said.
So, with a little digging online, she found several high quality hospitals vying for her business, at a fraction of the U.S. cost. Within a month, she was on a plane from her home in Las Vegas, Nevada, to New Delhi, India. Surgeons at Max Hospital fixed her heart for "under $10,000 total, including travel."
Giustina is just one of millions around the world journeying outside their native land for medical treatment, a phenomenon known as "medical tourism." Experts say the trend in global health care has just begun. Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.
Companies such as Los Angeles-based Planet Hospital are creating a niche in the service industry as medical travel planners. One guidebook says that more than 200 have sprung up in the last few years. "We find the best possible surgeons and deliver their service to patients safely, affordably and immediately," said Rudy Rupak, president of Planet Hospital. "No one should have to choose between an operation to save their life or going bankrupt."
Planet Hospital, which works with international clients as well as Americans, books patients' travel and arranges phone interviews with potential surgeons. Patients are greeted by a company representative at the airport in the country where they've chosen to be treated; a 24-hour personal "patient concierge" is also provided, a level of service that's standard among many of the top medical travel planning companies. Watch Dr. Sanjay Gupta meet some medical tourists »
"Our patient concierge was amazing," said Giustina. "He came to the hospital every day, gave us his personal [telephone] number and after my operation, he arranged private tours of India." Just two days post-op, Giustina and her husband, Dino, toured local markets and landmarks including the Presidential Palace and the Taj Mahal.
"I was able to fix my heart and tour India, which is something I thought I'd never do."
Walk through a patient wing at Max Hospital in New Delhi on any given day and you're likely to see people from around the world. In one visit, CNN met patients from the United Kingdom, Nigeria, Jordan, Afghanistan and the United States. They're alike in choosing surgery abroad, but their reasons differ.
Many South Asians and Africans said they travel abroad because they do not have access to care in their homeland.
Some Canadians and Europeans said they chose to travel aboard, despite having national health plans, because they are tired of waiting -- sometimes years -- for treatment.
Patients from the Middle East said they come to India because the technology as well as the staff is more advanced.
For most Americans CNN spoke to, it came down to finding the best value. "If I could have afforded my procedure in the United States, I would have taken it, but that was not my option," Giustina said. "I had to get online and look for a Plan B." Read about hot destinations for medical tourism
The private hospitals in India market themselves as having upscale accommodations, Western-trained surgeons and state-of-the-art medical equipment.
CNN spent time at Max Healthcare in New Delhi and saw operating rooms similar to those in many U.S. hospitals. If fact, Max's neurosurgery room had an inter-operative MRI scanner, which is technology hardly seen at hospitals in the United States.
The lobby had marble floors, a book café, coffee station and a Subway sandwich shop. The patient suites were equipped with flat screen TVs, DVD players and Wi-Fi. This hospital also catered to families traveling together. The suites had adjoining rooms with a kitchenette, coffee maker and a sofa bed.
Max neurosurgeon Dr. Ajaya Jha said the hospital can provide high-quality care at low prices because the staff work hard to cut waste. Watch Dr. Gupta visit an Indian spice market »
"I've seen hospitals in the U.S. where they open up something costing $10,000 and say, 'Oh it's not working. OK, give me another one.' We would never do that here. Even for 100 rupees (about $2) -- we would say, "Do we need to open this suture? Do we need to open this gauze?' We are very conscious of cost."
Hospital officials negotiate hard to keep costs low for high-tech medical machinery and other supplies, Jha said. "In the U.S. people are making careers out of carrying laptops and documenting things that are not really useful in the long term for the patient."
The salary of a U.S. surgeon is five times that of a surgeon in India. "We [surgeons in India] want to make a profit, but we don't want to profiteer. We don't want squeeze people and I think American industries should also think that way," Jha said.
Critics of medical tourism warn patients to be diligent when researching treatment aboard. "I've found that industry voices tend to crowd out those of us who are more cautious about the legal risks," said Nathan Cortez, assistant law professor at Southern Methodist University, who is conducting a case study investigating what legal recourse patients have outside America.
Patients don't think about their legal vulnerabilities, Cortez said. "Some countries limit patient access to medical records so they can't really learn what happened during the surgery. And a lot of practitioners in other countries just refuse to give you your medical records. So people have to weigh the risk versus benefits."
While most tourism patients from America are uninsured, major U.S. insurance companies are considering providing "medical tourism" coverage to their customers. Several have already launched pilot programs.
"I think what's really important about medical tourism is that you make the choice for what's right for you and what's important to them," said a spokesman for U.S. health insurer WellPoint Inc.
Experts say that every patient considering traveling abroad for surgery should inquire about postoperative care, legal rights and the safety standards and certifications of the hospital. Foreign health care providers should be willing to discuss the procedure and answer question ahead of time.
"What really helped me feel good about the process was that my doctor in the U.S. spoke to the cardiologist in India prior to my trip," said Giustina. "They were so open about everything; I knew I'd be in good hands."
Just weeks from returning from abroad, Giustina says she has only one regret, "I shouldn't have waited so long! I feel like a new person again, no more pain."
I think even a bigger one. I still trust Obama..
It is said that M wears the pants at home and I bet that she reminds him every day that she gave up her job for him!
I think even a bigger one. I still trust Obama..
It is said that M wears the pants at home and I bet that she reminds him every day that she gave up her job for him and the children.
once the trust is gone, so is the love, and the relationship..sm
be completely honest with him..now, before he gets out of rehab. If he is doing it only for you or to get you back, it is never going to work and it is just a matter of time before HE feels comfortable enough to start drinking again. You sound pretty sure that you want it to be over, so see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings now. don't wait for him to get out and start things all over again. You have to be up front about YOUR feelings, as well. Do not lead him on thinking there is hope. If telling him how you feel puts him back into drinking again, that is his problem and not yours. It would only serve to prove that he was not serious about stopping drinking anyway, and helping himself, but only a means to get back into your life. Do not take on the guilt. He is responsible for his ownself, and you are responsible for you. But do not let his expectations of coming back go on any longer. He has a right to know how you feel now, before it is too late. You already know in your heart that things will go back to the way they were before, if you let him come back. Show him how serious you are, be honest, and start the actions you need to extricate yourself from the situation. He will not change.. trust me on that one. I have been there too.
People who don't have trust issues will take advantage of it.
nm
Trust me..it was not easy.. and it honestly took 4 years..
I went back and forth, I kept trying to leave but was scared, had no where to go, no way to earn a living etc..I would just keep coming back. Then, I did decide to go to school. That pretty much ended it. I got through school leaving through threats and how I "ruined" our lives by going backwards i.e returning to school. He knew that if I had no education, then I was stuck with him for surviving, and I think he knew deep down, I was preparing myself to leave. The second I graduated and got a job, I moved "into town"..well, after stalking me and doing the "if I can't have you, then no one can" crap and being terrified he would kill me..I upped and moved away and filed for divorced. There was no turning back. I moved in with family and he had no idea where that was. Evidently, it calmed down and from that day forward, I did not take his crap. To this day, the man has never found anyone because who wants to live with that alcoholic loser and when he tried to control me after the divorce, I'd tell him to his face to shove off. That was sweet revenge. I had to believe in myself and believe I was worth it.. and I did.. Life is good..I remember him not allowing me to have a credit card, new car or buy anything..not even washclothes..well guess what..this country girl married a millionaire who gives me the world!!!!LOL
Well trust me, you aren't missing a thing! :) nm
,
Hang in there girlfriend. If you feel the trust
is there, then believe in it. Truely hope it works out for you. I have seen amazing turn-arounds in marriages. It can work.
Posts speak volumes in lack of trust
people have with their daughters. I have grown daughter so I guess now would be a different ballgame in the fact so many girls feel having sex and making babies at any young age, really young, is par for the course. Just talked with my 30 something daughter a few minutes ago and ran past her and she also thought creepy to keep list of periods. I guess you really have to do that these days though.
Trust my daughter to the fullest.. your post speaks volumes of ignorance is bliss. sm
It is not like I make a huge banner on the wall for goodness sakes! I put a small V on the corner of the date on the calander. I trust my daughter completely and do this for health concerns only. I have a miserable health history and was always thankful my mother was on top of things. We always had great communication about everything and I have done that with my own daughters. We talk about everything into the wee hours of the morning. I am not knocking your way doing things..so please dont knock mine. I feel it is better to be on top of things than to be ignorant of my daughters health..and yes menstrual cycles are part of her health history. What would I say at the docs office when asked about her cycles..Umm I dont know. Better go ask the 12 y/o because her mom doesnt know! I dont think so.
|