Trained my sons to help sm
Posted By: frugalfannie on 2009-01-19
In Reply to: Home Ec - LinK
Since I was a working mom, I always told my sons to expect to help around the house. They didn't do it for me that often, but now that they're married, they cook, iron, babysit and go to the market without complaining. I think I did a good job. My husband also helped around the house, so they had a good example of what it takes to make it work when mom has to work. Whether you pay someone to help or ask for help around the house, it doesn't matter. I could not have offered my kids a college education if I did not work and save for it. Some men think it demasculinizes them and that's sad. I also shoveled snow,did what I could to help without gender bias if no one else was home. I did not feel strange doing what I could to help my husband either, as long as I could lift it, I did it. It takes a village. I used to sew, but I was lousy at it and that's why I quit. I never felt like what I did was good enough and wouldn't wear it. Curtains and drapes were okay but now you can buy them cheaper than what the material costs. Just IMHO.
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My sons are 18 and 20.
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didn't do any "hang out" time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
Sons
Boy this is sounding real familiar. I have a son who is a lot like yours. He is 16, very smart, but no motivation or willingness to work for good grades. I have wondered if part of his problem was that school came too easy for him in the early grades. He never had to study for spelling tests, etc. Now that he is in high school, he doesn't have the habit of studying. It is almost as though he doesn't even think about it. When I remind him that he has a test, he will study for a few minutes and get an A or B. If he really works at it, he can Ace the test. He doesn't really think grades are all that important. (I was used to my daughter's straight As and am trying to refrain from comparing the two kids.) I'm looking for ways to motivate him, and so far a lot of positive reinforcement is starting to help. Maybe visiting with the school counselor would help. My son is also looking for a job--I think he has too much time on his hands! The more time they have, the less they get done. Good luck.
Sons in Military - Thank You
Thanks, next time I hear from either one of my children, I'll ask them about this. I wonder why the military just doesn't supply them with it ????? Thanks so much.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We only buy for our two sons, and they are older.
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. He's big into hats, and I bought him a leather "Indiana Jones" style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party.
While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
Prayers for your sons and all our soldiers! nm
!
LOL! Love it! Thanks. I'll be using this on my 3 sons! nm
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My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it.
With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true.
You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in.
My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here.
Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp
Those total sons of you-know-whats.
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
My mom trained her dog to go to the
door and scratch his paw on the door once or twice. When she heard it she knew he needed to go out. To train him she would walk him there and take his paw in her hand and "scratch" and then following that she would take him out to do his business. Soon he connected the two and he was doing it on his own. Of course some doors might be damaged so you have to be careful about this.
Good luck and CONGRATS on the new doggy :)
No I'm not trained to do that :-)
I yap with all the clients, say hi when they come in, the usual chit chat normal people have. :-)
My son was not trained until he was 3
but we did not use a potty chair. We had one of those contraptions that sit on the toilet with a few steps to climb onto it and handles on the side which gave him something to hold onto and feel safe. Also that way there was no transition from potty chair to toilet. We also did the old Cheerio trick, where you throw the cheerios into the bowl and have them aim. Made it like a game. Every morning, we made a big fun event out of morning pee pee. Sounds silly, but it became a habit for kids to go first thing when they woke up and prevented accidents at breakfast.
once the dog is trained...why would
it need to wear the training collar? Maybe?
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
How long will it take for my dog to be trained?
As I posted about 2 weeks ago, I got a new puppy. She is about 3-1/2 to 4 months old - a full-blooded Pekingese. It has been a long time since I had to housebreak a dog and I am wondering if anyone can remind me how long it is going to be before we quit having accidents in the house?
She is doing pretty well. She will find the pads most of the time, but occasionally will go on the carpet. She never goes to the door unless it is right when I take her out of the crate. Is that because I am confusing her with having the pads out also? 
The problem is her bathroom habits. She never finishes all at one time. When we walk, she goes probably 4 or 5 times. If I stop walking while she is going, she stops and starts walking again. It's like she does not want to keep me waiting. Therefore, lots of times, she still has to go when we get back in the house.
Anyway, any tips and suggestions would be appreciated --- and no I am not frustrated and tired of her --- I am totally in love with her! I just want some of your thoughts on the matter.
Mary, I offer my prayers for the safety of your sons. SM
I thought brothers could not be in battle zones at the same time. Did they choose to?
I had my dog completely trained by 2 months of age....sm
If you work at home this is a major advantage! Purchase a dog crate and put a small blanket or towel or toys in there. Your dog will learn to accept this as its home and will not want to pee/poop in its home. Take your dog outside of the crate and outside every couple of hours during the time you're not asleep, and of course do this at times when you can play with the puppy and let it run around for a while to burn up some of the endless energy. After a week start weaning this back to every 3 hours, then every 4 hours. Each time the dog pees or poops lavish on the praise with the "good boy" or "good girl!" and lots of attention. The biggest obstacle in house training a dog is getting them to realize that you will let them out to do their business. Eventually the dog will let you know when they have to go and you can start leaving the door to the crate open for periods of time. My dog makes this strange sound when she needs to go out. My husband's dog just keeps looking at you and the door until you get the idea that he needs to go.
You can crate train a dog regardless of its age. My father-in-law had problems with his 6-year-old beagle tearing up the house and peeing all over the place anytime they left her at home and they found out that as soon as they put the dogs favorite toys and blanket in the crate that the dog loved it, they could close the door to the crate when they left home and Maggie didn't go bullistic (they'd listen outside of the house). She now loves her crate and naps in there all of the time as she recognizes this is her home.
My properly trained dog does not bite. Maybe yours does.
/
If dog had gotten socialized and trained in 1st home would
asdf
My lab mix was pee trained in one day at about 6 weeks old, only a few poo accidents- sm
As soon as I got Walter home, the very second we got out of the car I put him down in the yard where I wanted his potty place to be and he peed immediately. Then I put him on a schedule where I religously put him in the potty place as soon as he woke up from a nap, about 15-20 minutes after eating, and before we went to bed. I also kept an eagle eye on him almost consistently for the first week or so (not hard because he was so cute)... he stayed on a dog bed in my office when I was working and the instant he started sniffing at anything I picked him up and took him to the potty place... a couple times I was running with him and he started to dribble before I got there. Sniffing means he is looking for a place to go! Make no bones about it, he is not doing anything else!
As far as pooing, puppies go pretty consistently about a half hour after eating. They have really tiny bladders so you can count on this. No matter what I was doing we went outside at that time. Whever I heard a tiny whine I take him to potty place. I figured he had a belly ache just like a baby might and usually he would go number two. The few times he did poo in the house was my fault. I ignored the whining or was not paying attention. I swear to you... Walter has never ever ever peed in my house. But to be honest, when he was a puppy whenever I brought him to visit another house he almost instantly peed out of nerves. So embarrassing. When I realized he did that I had him meet my friends outside of their homes! He would wiggle in delight but pee.
But for the first few weeks, I never left this dog alone at all and my big priority was to get him housebroken asap. You may not have that option if you have to leave for work or something. Walter went with me on errands and whenever I let him out of the car he would pee. So he also loves riding in the truck because he did it so much.
When I got Walter he was a little under 6 weeks old... pretty young. So I think I became his mom pretty quick and he was pretty moldable. I have made plenty of mistake, though, like letting him sleep on my bed and now he is 120 pounds and still does that. I don't know too much about puppy pads, but I would think that is still encouraging the dogs to pee in the house. Good luck! 
Agree, I have trained quite a few dogs -sm
some just take longer than others, I have found though that they train a lot faster if there is another dog in the house that is older and housebroken. I have had huskies take 3 months to housebreak before. My last husky was about 10 weeks old when I got her and by some miracle she was trained in about a month, but we had 2 other dogs in the house and they helped "teach" her I think. I get to go through all this again in a year or two when my daughter gets a dog my DH promised her....I am not looking forward to it. She keeps changing her mind on what she wants, Taco bell dog (Chiwahwa, I know I am butchering the spelling), or a Jack Russell, or maybe a pug. So who knows, I like big dogs, have a big boy husky now and a chocolate lab. Just have to make sure in this case the dog it not too small or these two will end up killing it which would not be too cool. (my husky goes after small animals in the yard, not sure if he would be able to differentiate from a pet dog or a squirrel/possom). We are trying to wait until the husky passes before getting this new dog, and he will be 9 in 2 years so his time will be done or very close at that point (I have never had a husky live pass 9.5). ---But bottom line is patience in house training a dog, yes it is icky but no worse than changing a baby's diaper, and if you have had kids then you can get thru housebreaking a dog, they are a lot easier to take care of!
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
Was this the sniper trained guy whose while was singing in a club?
//
We got a kitten about a month ago. She was litter box trained and... SM
used her litter box just fine, but out of the blue she has pooped on one of my blankets, peed in my laundry basket, and this evening peed on my bath towel right in front of me! I had just gotten out of the shower, taken the towel off and dropped it in the floor and when I turned around, she was peeing on it!
What is up with that? I don't know much about cats being that I'm more of a dog person, but she doesn't act sick and she's playful. I just don't get it!
Has anyone here trained (haha!) a cat to stay in backyard?
This is a long shot, but here goes: I adopted a 1-year-old cat from the pound 6 months ago. The original plan was to keep him indoors but a couple of times he got outside; however, he stayed in the backyard. Unfortunately, he trained me to let him out for a couple hours a day and started wandering beyond the yard. For right now, he is indoors only but it is pitiful watching him stare out the windows and meowing. My last cat trained himself to stay in the backyard and never wandered. Does anyone know of any tricks to teach this new guy?
Please do not criticize me for letting him out. I am well aware of all the dangers but I do not live near traffic or dogs other than my own, and he is only out for a short time, comes in when I tap on his food dish. He obviously does not use the neighbors' yard as a toilet--a well-used litter box is a testament to that.
Thanks for any ideas.
The duhh part was not necessary. My dog doesn't bite. Properly trained
People who have dogs that are not trained shouldn't bring their pets to malls and department stores. The purse dog that barked was misbehaving and needed to be removed and gotten under control or trained better before being allowed to come back into the environment. This does not change the fact that times have changed and pets are being allowed in area that you otherwise wouldn't expect. For many of us who have purse dogs or other types of dogs, we train them right before just taking them to the mall. I've never, ever had a problem taking my dog to the mall, Dillards, Penneys, Sears, the video store, and a whole host of other places. It's commonplace where I live and most people do it so it's really considered normal.
way back when I trained i used a hand control instead of foot pedal, don't know if they still mak
them now, but you controlled it with the bottom part of your hand by hitting the buttons - forward, play, rewind. Might check into that. Of course, that was about 28 years ago. I really like it, but the only time I ever saw it was at the first hospital I worked.
My 2-year-old twins are potty trained. (1 wears pull-ups at night).
nm
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