Tough love can be a good thing - I agree w/you
Posted By: Hindsight on 2008-01-07
In Reply to: Wrong - GF
You did the right thing. He needs to learn otherwise you are going to have a yo-yo on your hands.
I wish I had stuck to my guns the first time my son did that. It took me a few years to learn. Moving away from home is NOT something small. It is a BIG thing and you son needs to realize that. I WISH I had listened to someone besides my mothers advice and maybe my son would be better off.
IMHO--- People should get real - You took YOUR key back You did NOT kick him out you were giving him what he wanted. You did NOT put him out into the streets.
Stick to your guns mom and I think that one day he will be a better man for it.
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I agree you have a tough situation there sm
my friend any my heart goes out to you. I wonder if the school has any suggestions,maybe if you spoke to the school psychologist, if one is available? I'm not an expert here but someone other than your main doctor might have some answers and guidance for you. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts..
I don't even know where to start with this one but I'll just to give a short summary. My 19-year-old daughter has been troubled since I can remember. For example, her terrible twos went beyond that..if you didn't peel her orange right, she didn't want it and would throw it across the room. I think her diagnosis is best described as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and bipolar. She has a quick temper and at age 5 blackened her 12-year-old brother's eyes with a book because he got in her face. She has annoyed everyone she has come into contact with. She is very immature. We have tried everything to get her help because once she became a teenager it just got worse. She is self-destructive and I became the enabler and now it is out of control. She would not go to school so she does not have an education. We had to call the cops numerous times because of her violent outbursts. We had her arrested when she stole our credit cards so she could learn a lesson but the courts did nothing. She was supposed to be court ordered to have a job and attend school, of which she did nothing and there was no punishment. She has never suffered any consequences no matter how hard we tried. She was charged with 10 felonies for the credit card theft but got nothing. She just batted her big blue eyes at the judge and it all went away. I have paid her rent for a year or two, bought her a car and paid for it. All of these of course when she had a job but right after I did all of this she stopped going. She got into meth..You would not believe my heartbreaking nightmare. Some days I just don't think I can take another minute of it. At this point, she is now homeless because I just cannot keep paying her bills. She just totaled the car so she has no car and no job and still wants me to pay her way and she has lost her license due to DUI and driving again without privileges. It never stops. How far do I take this? She calls me for money that she says is to eat but if I keep giving her money then what is her motivation to go to work. I kept thinking if she hit bottom she could only come up..but she likes the bottom and just hovers there. She adapts to any environment. So when does she wake up and do you think tough love would work on a child with mental issues. I paid all of her doctor bills so she could get help and on medication but just found out she hasnt been taking them. I know I have so many questions but I have no idea how to "fix her" anymore. I know she needs to help herself but how much is she actually capable of being on drugs and mental health issues. This is devastating to our family and when I don't help her she becomes suicidal and I want to just hang up because I know she is manipulating but what if this is the time she really does something. I tried to take her into the hospital because of her meth addiction because she finally asked for help and was told there really wasn't any programs for her because she didn't have insurance so I left just thinking.."well, I guess you'll have to do it on your own, there is no help." Now, that is heartwrenching. At some point, I know she just has to grownup, but I don't know if I can survive this. I'm stressed 24/7 and sadly whenever she calls I get such bad anxiety. I can hardly be around her because she is so manipulative and I feel guilty that I try to avoid her. I always thought it'd be different if I just loved her more, spend more time with her and so as a mom, I blame myself because she is so messed up. Guilt just fuels the enabling.. Help.. any suggestions, advice??
the thing that I love
is that they are trying to ban smoking everywhere and get everyone to quit however, the tobacco tax is a bit part of what pays for our states education (along with alcohol and any gambling). So my question is, if everyone were to quit, how would these things get funded....oh I know it would be moreso on a burden to everyone and then people would complain about that. It's a no win situation. Yes smoking is bad for you, we know that, but ya know what I ENJOY it. Do I like people smoking in the cars with their kids, no. Do I like people with kids sitting in a smoking section of a restaurant (not that we have those here anymore) no. Do I like seeing pregnant women smoke no. But as an adult I have every right to make the choice to smoke and it is not up to anyone else to tell me to quit.
agree on at least one thing
I also believe an atheist can be a terrific parent . . so we at least agree on that!
I have a love/hate relationship with the thing.
Keeps me roasty toasty...In that picture there the wind chill put the temperature to -25, the kind of cold where your eyes steam and then that steam frosts your lashes up. It's very dangerous.
HOWEVER, these coverall things are designed for dudes with no curves, so the crotch winds up going down to your knees and you wind up walking like a penguin. I have wiped out in it and I feel like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka where they have to roll her away.
No way, no day would you find me in California or anywhere outside of New England. It's best I don't venture too far away from my mental health care providers, know what I'm sayin?
I just some at Tractor Supply I've got my eye on (Man, I'm such a hick!) that are actually specifically tailored for women, so a set of those are on my wish list along with that split keyboard.
that's the thing i love about working at home
x
Love the geothermal pump thing. (sm)
That reminds me of this place up in Calistoga, CA. A family is lucky enough to have a real, live, erupting GEYSER in their backyard! It erupts about every hour or so, so they named it 'Old Faithful', just like the big one in Yellowstone. This one is no major erupter, just spritzes once an hour. Bit it's still pretty neat. The lady told me it also heats their home and their hot water for showers, etc., and they charge people a couple bucks to come in and see it, so it gives them a steady income, as well.
I would never say it was a good thing...
but I can't believe how much attention this whole thing is getting. The poor woman's life was a train wreck, which, unfortunately, is what made her famous. But at least this has overshadowed the whole astronaut in a diaper story.
not, it's not a bit much; it's a good thing...
nm
Good - that's the right thing.
These guys need to be reported before they potentially hurt someone else. At least mall security will be on the lookout for them. You may have well saved someone else's life, too. I think that was God's plan for you. The angels he sent into your life are the ones you will help save.
God bless you for doing the right thing.
good thing u were there!
Thats awesome that you saved him! good thing you were right there, its like instinct kicked in.
good thing u were there!
Thats awesome that you saved him! good thing you were right there, its like instinct kicked in.
It is good news......but the only thing is
from what I have heard he is still getting paid (or already has been paid) for doing the book. I only hope that the families can collect what they won in the civil suits from what he is being paid.
Good points, and that is the thing. It is not
a fix-all. Without making lifestyle changes, everyone will regain their weight back. My step-mom had the surgery and is over the 100-pound mark for the weight she has lost. She has cut out all breads from her diet, desserts, etc. She has made huge diet changes since, and that is why she is losing the weight and keeping it off. She also consumes a lot of protein. She has done fantastic with it though. My friend's sister had it and is having a lot of complications, but she has not followed the recommendations for after surgery either. Her son had it and has done great and is keeping the weight off.
Good. and weight is not the only thing--sm
that causes the conditions mentioned. I have a big kitty too, and he really does not eat that much, but a mixture of one small 4 oz can of wet and perhaps about 1/2 c of dry per day. he is just a big cat, weighing 14 pounds at last visit. He is very timid and does not do much for play or exercise. Sometimes kitties are just big, like humans, and it is not always diet that makes them that way. I, too, would be very apprehensive in changing pet food right now. I love my kitties too and so far, am thankful that their food has not been one that has been recalled. Changing vets is easier than changing doctors, but if you are not happy, then move on. Personally, if one tried to give an attitude of forcefulness with me, vet or doctor, I would be gone in a heart beat. You may find a much nicer one down the road. Give your kitty a pet and mommy knows best. lol.
good one. I was thinking the same thing! sm
I would either put up with it or try exercise before I would resort to any type of surgical procedure for vanity sake. I have seen on TV programs concerning this, just how the doctors treat their patients when they are under anesthesia. NO THANKS!
Employers ought to know a good thing when they have one
I have poured over Craigslist today and the spelling is something else. I had several days to go through as I have been on holiday. What is happening with the English now? This is what I found: Bambu table, bronz bed, bump beds (can you believe that?), sley bed, camping cott, talbe (that was spelled 4 times that way in the description), marlbe table, Asain (that, too, was spelled that way several times in the description), bed ajusts to queen, mohogoney desk, matress and I think this was the best yet - sowing machine (sewing). Unbelievable but these were actual spellings. Bless their hearts!
Decided the same thing at age 40 - good for you!
Of course, people did not like the abrupt change I made and it made many angry, but you know what? I do not care. I am a good wife, daughter, sister, and friend, but I refuse to be a doormat to anyone. Life is too short!
Well then I guess it is a good thing that ...sm
close minded people like you don't run our country then. Go do some research before you make comments. A pit bull is a dog like any other. They are steretyped as being vicious because some people fight them. I do not agree with fighting any breed of dog including pit bulls. Those fighting pits are TRAINED to do that. They are not born that way. Some won't even fight after being trained to. I used to have a Yorkie that was a little fellow but he was 10 times meaner than my pit. Actually I will tell you how nice the pit was. With his size he could have easily killed the yorkie. Well the yorkie was constantly growling and biting the pit and one day just reached up and bit him square on the balls. The pit turned around and just looked at him. He could have torn the little fellow apart but he didn't. Now would a unstable mean dog be that calm? You need to rethink your comments. You are way off the mark.
Good luck to you. I think you are doing the right thing. NM
x
Nope, but probably would be a good thing!
Just kidding but I love my dentist- he is so funny he makes me laugh all the time while I am having a root canal done! I love his office help also. I only wish I could find a PCP that I really enjoyed as much then all would be good in my world. I do not dread going to the dentist like I once did. He is a trip!!
I agree with you. One more thing, I would like global warming
a
Started being alone at an early age, good thing now with this job but
probably my favorite thing was going over to a small creek to catch frogs, tadpoles (tried to grow those to make frogs), caught salamanders, found dead snake and put it in alcohol in a jar, caught beetles and gave them as a present for my mother (she came in from work to discover all her lipsticks out on the counter and when she opened her little box, there was my present). She like to have killed me on that one! I loved to catch June bugs and fly them around. I have wonderful, wonderful memories of these things and sorta found lots to do just with me and me alone- good thing I did now with the work I do, right? I could still hibernate in my home for a week and not be bothered at all- love my own company.
Definitely not a good thing to use that tape, in my opinion. But! sm
You can do a lot of other fun things! I hung a few witches, a scarecrow, a black cat, pumpkins on the brick outside and will go and get hay, etc. in a few days to decorate with.
Green in the wallet is a good thing
I don't like the color green at all so I have no green clothes whatsoever.
I know one thing - a BLUE screen is NOT good
nm
Hanging out at your house is a good thing
as long as you are there. My house became the hang out house, and it was hard, especially when I was trying to get my work done. But I knew where they were and could step in and keep things under control when necessary. I don't have any daughters, and from what I can tell, it seems that I got the easier job in raising boys rather than girls. I had a "rule of 16" which meant my sons could not date until they were 16 years old. Boys don't really seem to fight this so much. My oldest didn't have a steady girlfriend until he was 18. My youngest was 17 when he first started dating. I also had problems with some of their friends being just plain rude. They'd swear, never say please or thank you, and just generally act like snotty brats at times. That wasn't a problem for me. I corrected them and taught them manners. I used humor, which again boys seem to respond to. Usually, when we had girls over who acted that way, the boys were quick to correct them, and I didn't have to step in myself.
As far as going out, my boys did go out to hang at the local pizza parlor in mixed groups when they were 13. I never had a problem, but they were held to time limits.
I think it's nice that the boys are having lunch at your house with your daughter. It costs a little more to feed your daughter's friends, but you have them there in the house. Be friendly and relaxed, but insist on polite behavior in your home. Surprisingly, most kids will actually gravitate to the house with that sort of atmosphere. Your daughter may give you some grief about not being allowed to do what everyone else is doing, but that's ok. Your job isn't to have her agree with all of your decisions. Your job is to do what is best for her. I think having the boys over while you are at home was a very good compromise. If it happens again, you can always say, "You know, I'm pretty hungry, too. How 'bout I have some pizza delivered. I can order extra and you can invite some other friends over, too." Good luck!
You make it sound like it's a good thing --
Are you just being sarcastic? I hope so. I love kids, but seriously, this country can't afford to have women having more children than they can afford. Look at the mess we're in now with welfare, not to mention the abuse and neglect these children suffer. I live in a very rural, low income area. I have seen so many children whose parents don't care for them, yet they continue to "pop out" more babies to get more welfare benefits.
If this becomes a new trend, the govt will end up removing the welfare caps in order to support these children. I know it's not the children's fault, but it isn't my fault either. I'm tired of paying for the welfare system as it is.
Oh, good one! I despise that store! And the funny thing is..
most kids around here who want to be noticed, or whose parents have a ton of money or who are just plain brats ALL wear A&F. My kids could really care less. Talk about the store that caters to cliques and that is IT. But it caters to them in such a bad way......PS: Good for your friends and your daughter!
Also, I wish people, parents especially, that you don't have to wear a particular brand name to be noticed or to be cool. That is just so ridiculous to me! Why do people do it? Now, I will buy clothes from expensive stores IF the quality is what I am looking for, so I'm no K-Mart mom by all means, but I think these days parents are taking this "look at the brand-name-my-kids-are-wearing" way too far!
Repeat after me ... Crate training is a GOOD thing!
Invest in a good crate and use it.
The crate will cost you less than the destruction in the long run. It takes a while for the dogs to get use to it but once they are they are much happier for it.
My Rotts each have their own crates and when we have company or if they just want their own space they will go to their crate and chew on their KONG or a pigear.
Whenever I am going to be gone for any length of time I put up my Rotts and when people come to visit and ESPECIALLY when I have other folks children in my house. Mine dont see it as punishment at all and have gotten to where at night they sleep in their crates with the doors open. Although I do have to say they prefer to have Animal planet showing on their TV in their room when I am gone for any length of time.
Good Luck!!!
Thanks. I figure the one good thing is that their lab is inhouse so won't have to wait
for another company bogged down with labs from 10 other facilities.
ok sk8girl, the window is wonderful and a really good thing
for your eyes. If you focus near and then you can focus out a window, you will save your eyes and type for about 20 more years than you would without a window. I lost my window and my eyes followed close behind. I love that you all have the same stacks of books I do, same bowl of almost food, required coffee mug and the fact that it looks like we all spend our lives right in that chair. ha ha.
ROFL, that was good, Robin, I was thinking the same thing but.....sm
you have articulated it so much more colorfully than I ever could,what a hoot, even though it is such a sickening story. Man, did this woman EVER have any self-respect, self-esteem, to say nothing of self-discipline and brains? Total sociopath, puts the "ICK!" in SICK!!
I definitely agree with the say "I love you" sm
I am so glad that I can say I told my mom I loved her the last time we talked and she very unexpectedly died the next day.
Also, when I was in my late teens I was sarcastic, pessimestic, and very unpleasant person to be around. My brother said one day, "What have you done that makes you think the world owes you something?" My attitude changed practically overnight.
I sort of understand the question, but is it supposed to be a *good* thing????
Cause middle class sucks, these days. lol
I'm not working either; it's a good thing, since my thumb feels like it will soon fall off - n
:)
This was a good one - also love
 Keanu 
I love it. Don't agree with polygamy, but still
xx
Ditto! Agree she can't keep her mouth shut, remember the Kelly Ripa thing?
x
Agree...and the gang mentality thing is often quick to surface when challenged. Ignore these
s
I love good news and this is certainly some
I had posted this morning asking about pup-pup and I was really worried it was parvo, glad to know the baby had its shot already for that. Thanks for the update!
I agree. They always love $$ which a gift card is. sm
Especially if you don't know her. But if you have a favorite lotion you use, or something cosmetic, for that amount $20, they really love new, special cosmetics, too.
I agree - poor Thorne - looking for love but (sm)
LOL - can't wait to see the look on Stephanie's meddling old face.
A broken love story - who do you agree with?
Two people were both in very bad marriages when they met - her husband had been cheating for years but she was afraid to leave, his wife had kicked him out repeatedly but had him come back to live basically as a roommate to help pay the bills. They fell in love. He was a strong Christian and started to feel terribly guilty and told her through many tears that it had to end, that God had to come first. She, being a backslidden Christian herself saw that he was right. Through many tears and lots of prayers for forgiveness and help, they let each other go. Later, his wife kicked him out again, this time permanently. About six months later, his love decided to finally leave her still cheating husband. She told the man she loved. He said that he missed her terribly and it was the hardest thing he had ever done, but because of the way their relationship started, they could never be together again, because it would be a sin. She disagreed, feeling that they had been forgiven for what they had done and that neither of their marriages ended because of each other. Who do you agree with?
oh good lord! what next! people just LOVE and LIVE to -sm
gossip and start vicious rumors! At this point, who cares! The woman is deceased and her poor daughter has to face a lifetime of continuing vicious gossips and rumors. Gossip mongers need to find something better to do!!!
I love that and can relate. Betcha have good stories :-) TY! nm
x
Not rich or snooty either, just love good quality
items and buy them when I want. Who wants to shop at the local mall and get something that everyone else wears and see it all over town? Just like jewelry; I don't wear the average items you see advertised every holiday season that everyone wears and every jewelry store sells. My guy gets my things made at a one of kind store, where at least I know I'm probably the only one who has it.
I agree. One I LOVE is that milky minutes, lactose intolerant one. sm
I snicker every time. If you haven't caught it...
Family around the kitchen table. Mom finds poker chips that are UNUSED CELLPHONE MINUTES in the garbage with milk on them.
WHAT are THESE?
Umm leftover minutes from last month.
These are still good! You know what happens to my sister's unused minutes?
She loses them
That is right, she loses them. My sister would love to have these milky minutes.
Hubbie: Isn't your sister lactose intolerant?
I love word games and double entendre, and creative use of the language, oddly drawn verbal conclusions and other oddities (hazard of my work?) so this one gets me smiling.
I'll join you!! I agree.made me cry too, love this stuff!
xx
Agree on TX beaches - not very good.
Crowded, murky and high crime. Would make the drive or flight to FL or Mexico before my short drive to a TX beach.
Very good response. I agree. To OP -that's sad, really sux.
nm
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