Totally accepted by DH's fam but not by my own family
Posted By: MTT on 2007-09-24
In Reply to: Accepted in the family that you married into? - into?
Hubbies mom, sis and brothers make myself, our child and my children from a previous marriage feel so comfortable (I will not bring up their jealous spiteful wives) however my own mother, father, brother and sister make myself, DH and our kids feel like outsiders.
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I was totally accepted by my 1st husband's family but
when I married my second husband, I was never accepted by his mother. Of course, she didn't even like my husband. The rest of his family accepted me and that was all that mattered.
The funny thing is...when she was dying, she asked me to forgive her for all the nasty things she did to me and of course, I did. It wasn't her fault she was like that. Life made her that way.
Between the 2 MIL's, I'd take the first hubby's mother any time. We spoke and visited even after the divorce, even invited them to parties we (2nd husband and I) because he liked them too. . . and they always came. I miss them.
Totally accepted
I was totally accepted. My MIL is one of my best friends, even after the divorce. Still talk with the brothers and wifes although not as much as before but I still feel accepted but now because I am me and not his wife. So there are nice in-laws out there. Can also say that my family has always accepted spouses into the family, may not be our best friends but have always been accepted and treated well. My brother sure put this to the test with his six wives but we liked all of them and probably more than him. Still in contact with several as he had children and my mother when she was alive never lost contact with any of the grandchildren or even step-grandchildren when it came to birthdays, Christmas or whatever when there was a divorce. Anyway, there are good in-laws or ex in-laws out there. Patti
Totally accepted
My FIL was a better father to me than my own dad. My MIL said she learned more about her son's life from me than she ever did from him (that's true).
And after my MIL passed away, my FIL remarried a few years later, and I was fortunate enough to get another SUPER MIL who has been not only my friend but the best grandmother I could ever ask for to my son.
Am I lucky, or what? I feel very, very blessed.
Totally accepted
I was immediately accepted by everyone in his family, and they all loved me right off. His mother is constantly buying me things, even though I don't exactly like all of the things that she gets me!
Accepted in the family that you married into?
How many people are REALLY accepted into the family that they married into? I don't just mean the EXTREME cases of, "You STOLE my son, you brazen hussy!" but the more subtle stuff too.
I totally agree, and my family knows I
do not want to be viewed. However, I have heard a few psychologists say it is better for the ones we leave behind to actually see us this way to help process the death and to move forward. I still don't want it for myself. To each his own I guess.
I so totally agree with you there are many, many addictions in my family
leaning towards them in some respect,i.e. gambling, overeating, drinking. I completely stay away from gambling and drinking, and am working on the overeating. Have never needed drugs, i.e. pain killers or nerve pills, but I also hope I never "need" them for fear of becoming addicted.
I am the one who posted about the debate of "disease versus not disease", but so get what you say about labelling it and giving the abuser an excuse to not get help.
I could not be accepted by MIL
as she died before we married but I wish I had known her- if she was anything like the man she raised, I would have loved her as much as I love her son. I see the rest of his family here and there but everyone is out of town but all on good terms.
Definitely accepted
I love my in-laws. My husband is one of 10 (some step) and we all get along really well. I don't have a sister, so my sister-in-law and I are very close and I consider her my sister. I don't know what I'd do if they didn't like me. I can't imagine being married to someone and not being able to get along with their family.
Accepted - but my MIL drives
So I keep my distance. She's a martyr at times and very gossipy so you have to watch what you say around her. SIL takes advantage of her all the time. I try to remain cordial and let DH worry and deal with her.
Absolutely accepted!
I love my in-laws! They're really great. My husband wasn't very close with his family growing up, but is now that I love being around his family. He's also close with my family, so we are very lucky to have both sides of our family to be friends with and we love having everyone over for bbq's during the summer. Then again, I'm the kind of person that gets along with everyone and I like to think that everyone has at least some good in them and I think this definitely helps with being accepted into other peoples' families.
Amen Sister! She is totally unrealistic! Totally. Loved your post! sm
My grandparents (from VT), will tell you that my grandfather began farming at 6-7 under the supervision of his 10 year old brother. haha No major incidents - his mother tended the home and ran a nursery and she did have the siblings watch over each other. I didn't even think about all of this until you mentioned the farming post. I loved it!
I, for one, need plenty of sleep - so I must work during the day while they are here...Oops, I gottah go! My 2 year old just fell off the kitchen table.
just kidding
Accepted for who we are and not for what people perceive us to be. sm
Looking at most of my relationships now that are bitter or no more, this seems to be the case. My 2 SILs hate me with everything in their being and I've never been anything but myself around them. This is a very hard pill to swallow. To not be accepted for who you are.
Thank God I found Joyce Meyer. She's ON MY SIDE! I love it!
Your apology is accepted, Ella...sm
I've never had a person apologize on here to me. :)
But wait! Act now and I will throw in one for free! Check or M.O. accepted. nm
s
You don't need a proposal; you've already accepted. Go to a jeweler and pick one out together
s
But this is not a school-wide accepted teaching practice, it is individual (nm)
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Family is great but I am never back in my hometown where family is... So I always have extended fami
You can always pick your friends your stuck with your family. An Xmas for me is where my husband and kids come home to. It is what you make it!
Summer. Friends or family? Family. Tired or Awake?
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Big difference between family values and family jewels, eh? lol
LOL. I love this show. I think Gene and Shannon and her sister are a riot! What characters. It really is amazing to me the kids seem so laid back and so normal. They seem like great kids.
Does your family still do the early Sunday dinner w/family?
s
SIL family, us and another family snacked,played
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Totally, totally agree.
You feel inadequate and no matter what you do - you feel like it is not enough - and that is depression. Get on some medication, or get some therapy and start taking time for yourself and enjoy life. Been there and done that myself - STOP FEELING GUILTY - you deserve better!!
Totally against the war
said it right from the start, told my husband the war was of no use, more and more that is being proven true, hate that young guys are being killed there day after day, the middle east never had as many bombings as they do on a day to day basis now, blood being shed all over the place, the house not wanting to give more money for a no win war, I lived through Viet Nam, no difference here, just different land. Mark my word, different president, the war will be a thing of the past and yet all these fine lives lost.
I am totally
terrified of the draft. I posted earlier about my son wanting to go to Africa next summer and me not really wanting to let him go. I guess you know what my answer would be to the above question so I guess I shouldn't say anything at all.
I was totally going to say
me too!
Oh, but what I've gained ...
(I'll think of something).
Totally think it is really none of your
business that they are working. You don't have any authority and your supervisor is the one to tell them NOT to work. If they have been told not to work and they are, that is between them and the employer.
totally.
My imagination is way too fertile. When someone tells me they are "trying to get pregnant" or they remember the moment their kids were conceived, it's exactly like showing me photos of the deed. Photos I'd way rather not see. ick.
I totally get what you are saying sm
and feel 100% the same way. If I had the means financially, I would help whomever and whenever, my hubby feels the same. However, to not respond to someone who is reaching out to you, I feel, is unforgivable. I would also like to say, give it some more time - you don't know what the situation is and I feel someone who has as big a heart as you obviously have, should hold it open just a little longer.
Totally agree. nm
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Totally agree with you!
Santa Claus was a wonderful time for me and my children. I did not suffer any ill effects from knowing the truth. This is a magical time for children. They believe in goblins, ghosts, the Easter Bunny, play friends that only they can see and talk with, fairies among lots of others. Why in the world would anyone want to deny a child the pleasure of thinking they are that important that this man in the red suit is coming especially to give them presents. It really made me feel special but I guess other parents want to cut some of the fun time from the child's life.How sad....
I totally agree with you, well said.
I find that others think since I work at home, they can interrupt me any time they want, I am expected to cover things while they are at work, etc. I want to be left alone during my work hours to do my work. I have worked in offices where you were not allowed to have personal calls during work hours, which is fairly common. I think I am going to disconnect my phone during my work hours. Sometimes I feel by working at home I don't get the same respect for my job than others in my home that work outside the home.
Totally inappropriate.
He sounds like he's good at his job and also at flirting. He is interested in getting to know you better? Why doesn't he just come out and say - hey baby, how about a roll in the hay? Keep us posted if you pursue this. I'd like to know how things go. Believe me, he knows he's good looking. Good Luck and be careful.
Oh, I totally agree with you there...sm
these are the kids my daughter deals with every day, but she understands at their age, they didn't ask for their circumstances. No child at age 8 or 9 should know anything about sex, using the B word, MF word, and other stuff. They can't write a sentence but they can tell her how to get more food stamps, how their older sister had another baby so she could get more money in her check....the stories go on and on. But the point we started out with was GI upset...they can't help being made take meds that make them physically sick.
I am totally out of debt -
house, cars, motorcyles, credit cards. Everything!
It feels great!
I totally agree with you...
Just a curious question. We are only as young (or old) as we feel, right! I am 37 and feel (most days) much, much younger...like I said before, it is a relative question...thanks for your reply! 
Totally agree. nm
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lol, totally NO CLUE..
I'm sure all the neighbors talk about that nut job around the corner who breastfed her very large baby at the ball park! C'mon now...can't even give the kid a juice box or something at baseball time? Something wrong with this picture. I seriously hope she's joking.
I totally agree with you. nm
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I totally agree (sm),
in fact, I should have eloped since I had recently moved and hadn't accumulated many new friends yet. The reception was really lame with the weird mix of people, some of whom I couldn't stand, but mom assured me they wouldn't come, and we were just doing the right thing.
Put on a syrupy sweet voice and tell your mother it is tempting to make this a social event for us, but this is really THEIR event. Let's do it their way since it only happens once. Let's not ruin their big day by arguing about it.
He would be totally crazy ...
If I kept him in for 2 to 3 months!! We have a large deck and in the one corner of it is a dog house and he has totally torn off the lattice in one whole section (to the dismay of my husband, to put it mildly) because he wants to be with my neighbors dogs.
If I cut this off, it will basically be the entire section of pad right in the middle of the paw which I think would take the brunt of his walking. It is on his back foot.
I totally agree and nothing to look at either
I can't believe all these people think he's so great. Yuck.
I totally agree-
it does make the award seem insignificant. They say they don't want any kids to feel 'left out.' Isn't that one of the main motivators to work harder? What about the child who truly earned the award? How does that child feel when the same award is given out indiscriminately so as not to hurt anyone's self esteem?
IMO self esteem comes from doing your best and feeling pride in yourself because of it- and if you are doing your best and improving you will not need some phony award to feel good about yourself, because you already will.
When these kids grow up they are going to be in the real world where they will be expected to perform to certain standards because that is what is expected from everyone. It seems like it is getting harder to find people who find satisfaction in doing a good job just for the sake of doing it. I wonder if there is any correlation here.
Totally agree-
I don't know why the parents would not have told their kids by now, but it is for them to do. It would be even more traumatic for the kids to hear it from someone else.
I was adopted and thank God I always knew I was. When I was too young to really understand they simply told me that I was special because they chose me. For years I pictured this baby store and my parents walking up and down the aisles shopping, LOL.
I totally agree with you!
I have grown sons, 26 and 18. I would never snoop in their e-mail. We have a great relationship and I do trust them. I am not saying that I have not or would not read their e-mail, but if I did, it was because I was looking at something on their computer which they would be aware of (or at least not care) and if an e-mail looked interesting I would read it and tell them. I think they would do the same with me and I also would not care. I think if you have a good relationship with your kids, that you know them pretty well and would know if you should worry or not. I truly believe that most parents, if they would just open their eyes, already know when there are problems. I get angry when I hear of someone who says "I had no clue" because I think that they do and just do not want to believe it. I think you are doing the right thing by trusting your kids. Keep it up!
Totally understand that one!
!
Totally agree
I first noticed him on "Roseanne" and thought he was strange-looking and not at all attractive. My opinion hasn't changed over the years.
Don't like Brad Pitt, either. I don't go for the "pretty boys." Give me some depth of character. Looks are definitely secondary.
* Badonkadonk! * Totally LOL!!!!1 nm
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TOTALLY normal! (sm)
My kids are younger than yours, but I am the youngest of three. I have an older sister and older brother. My brother is the oldest and he is three years older than me. I can remember growing up and being picked on by my brother (and sister) and there were times when I felt like I truly hated him. I'm sure he felt the same about me at times. Now I love him dearly and I think he is one of the greatest men in my life. I'm sure it sounded horrible to you, but don't worry. It's perfectly normal.
Totally agree
This week in fact I was feeling down in the dumps, did some praying and went out to do something nice for someone else, it made a big difference!! Thanks for the post.
I totally get where you are coming from
and I don't know anything about your situation, but it seems like it would be a good thing that he looked on his stepdaughter as his daughter, although I can see how you would feel the way you feel since your brother was her father and it wasn't his choice not to raise her, and somebody should have acknowledged him as well.
I was adopted and to me my parents are the parents who raised me- because to me that is what makes a parent a parent. Had I been referred to growing up as my parents' "adopted daughter" that would have been painful to me and only a constant reminder that I was not their biological child.
Again, I don't know anything about your situation or your niece's relationship with her stepfather but if it was a good one I would think it would be nice that he thought of her as his actual daughter. He probably had just not been thinking about how it would make you feel.
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