To confused wife...
Posted By: sm on 2007-12-06
In Reply to: Husband gets mad and calls me a *itch.... - confused wife
It sounds to me like you've made up your mind that HIS problems are all YOUR fault...they are NOT. The only problems you are responsible for are YOURS. It probably will not matter what you change about you to him. If he's this angry and unstable, he'll ALWAYS find fault with you.
Please don't be naive and think that you can change him...you can't. Only he can do that and he has to want to change his behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and name-calling is by far the most disrespectful thing one person can do to another...especially if the other person is your spouse, the mother of your child.
And your child is being hurt by these outbursts. She would be better off in a broken home than to have to listen to you and your husband screaming and belittling each other all the time. In the end, her self worth will suffer, she'll think she doesn't deserve any better and may actually seek out abusive men when she gets older.
You all need help, even the child. Go to counseling, even if you go alone, but take your daughter with you. It may come to you and your daughter leaving until he agrees to get help. Then if he truly loves you and your family, he will do whatever it takes to make things right. Don't wait around for the abuse to get worse, because inevitably it will escalate. Now is the time to think of you and your daughter first. Your husband is a grown man, he's responsible for him...good luck and God bless...
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confused wife
It sounds to me like you are being verbally abused. I went through the exact same thing until I said enough is enough. You are worth more than to be reduced to a *itch. I feel for you, I was in the same situation for 12-1/2 years, everything was my fault. Research the phenomenon of verbal abuse and you will find yourself and your marriage reiterated over and over in the stories you hear. Believe me. You sound just like me and what I went through. You have nothing to lose by just looking into it. Maybe you will find your answer. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that one more day, you are a human being and have God-given rights. I will be praying for you.
I am sad and confused
I went to have my ultrasound yesterday and they told me my baby is normal BUT the bones (femur) is below the 5th percentile. I have to see a genetics doctor next week for another ultrasound and I do not know what else. Has anyone else been told their baby's bones are a little short? Two or three weeks behind what is normal? Could the technician be wrong? They only found one soft marker so is that not good? I am short and my husband has a big head when he was born. So measuring the 2 together you have a short baby with a big head. Please if anyone has been through this I need a friend.....
sad and confused
I have not been through that situation but can honestly say I know of moms who have had ultrasounds showing one thing or another and in the end, the baby came out fine. One of my friend's was even told her baby had Down Syndrome, but the child was born healthy! I would try not to worry too much and wait until you see the genetics doctor or have another ultrasound.
I'm a little confused.....
You may want to have more children but you don't want them to be your husband's child????? That doesn't make sense. You don't want something to be permanent in your life but it can be permanent in your husband's life. Don't be surprised if he doesn't go to the consultation you have scheduled!! I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't think you have thought about this very clearly. And there are other things you can do to NOT get pregnant. Good luck with this!
sorry, I confused the two
nm
I'm a little confused...sm
As to who the dog actually belongs to and who is responsible for the dog's care. I say that because you wrote: *I had sorta adopted the dog....no place to keep a dog around here.*
So, I guess my question is this - do they see it as your dog too and they just agreed to keep it at their house, or is it their dog as far as you're concerned, and you were just willing to help out initially? (Which is what it sounds like, but maybe your friend sees it the other way.)
At any rate, now you're starting to resent it and it's affecting your friendship. So I think it's time for a heart-to-heart talk with your friend about what you are and aren't willing to do for the dog (and who the dog belongs to, and does the dog need to find a new home). I'd try to leave the son and his drug problem entirely out of the discussion. I think that's a whole other can of worms.
Also, are you sure it wouldn't work for you to have the dog? Our Rottweilers have all been sweet, gentle creatures (despite what you see in the media all the time) who have been indoor dogs who were fine with small animals. OTOH, they are big, strong dogs and need a firm owner. They can certainly be too much for some people, so I don't want to sugarcoat it.
It depends on the dog of course, but a lot of Rotties and other big dogs are pretty low energy and do fine in a small home/yard (as long as they get enough attention and exercise). Just a thought.
Personally, I'd want to extricate myself from this 'drama' and just take the dog. (Though I'm a Siberian Husky person - the Rotties are my hubby's love.)
To confused
it is not that he is running anything.....if he wants to live somewhere else....I would rather that than to have a rebellious child on my hands......he is good.....very good A's and B's in school.....I starting to think that people are really not understanding....but so be it....I would rather for him to be happy...not at the corner store selling drugs or whatever.....it might not work out with living with his sister.....but no one can that I did not try...children will get rebellious if they don't have they own way.....I would rather for im to go and live with sister than have to deal with the Po-Po because he is hanging out on a corner somewhere.....
More confused
Well I have to admit I had to look up the word disinfranchised. I've heard it but never new what it meant. So what do you think I found as the meaning of Disinfranchised? It means To disinfranchise. HA HA HA. Needless to say I had to keep searching and I'm finding meanings all relating to the revocation of the right of suffrage (the right to vote). So unsure how this fits to me because I can vote if I want to. My main point is that you can't trust what comes through the tube each day. Just when I said I was going to "curb" my tube input I sat and watched the debates and screamed at the TV, then screamed at all the news people. Then I heard a little voice in my head say... "you've got to get your priorities straight". HA HA. So I learn to take everything with a grain of salt. I still probably will not vote (even though I can if I want to), but if there is a replay of the NH primaries why bother. Thanks for the new word though for me to learn. It went right along with my word I had to look up when I wrote my friend and told her I would give her my "pithy" comments. HA HA HA
I'm confused too, but have never seen so many
xxx
Well, I got confused. Sorry.
nn
I think you have me confused with someone else...
Calling ME a religous nutcase? I'm not even religous! Hence why I think these sickos need to be prosecuted for what they are doing under the guise of religion.
And why on earth would I want Harry Potter banned? I love those movies! 
I'm confused --
Let me see if I got this straight - You're married, the guy you've been seeing is married and has a girlfriend in addition to you. Woe is your husband and his wife!
I'm confused on whether or not
you have the 8 o'clock bean available. I thought you said you did but maybe you were talking about in the past. If you do, be sure and buy whole bean and grind it, then you won't have to worry about fillers you were wondering about. If you don't have a grinder, it has been my experience (and my mother's - and we are coffee snobs) that Folgers 100% Columbian has the richest, truest coffee flavor. Unfortunately I can't drink it because it is high in acid and bothers my stomach but that's another story...
Maybe the filters are the answer. Another thing to consider is your coffee cup. I bought a nifty plastic Starbucks mug on clearance. It has a nonslip handle which I thought would be great for me in the morning. However, I have noticed that coffee tastes much better in a regular ceramic mug. I save the plastic mug for hot chocolate. Good luck on your quest. 
I'm confused. If they....
prayed in earnest for forgiveness, then how does that reconcile itself with the following verses, especially 1 John 1:9?
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28)
"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." (Psalm 55:22)
"My little children, these things I write to you, that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous." (1 John 2:1)
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord." (Acts 3:19)
"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance; let us contend together; state your case, that you may be acquitted." (Isaiah 43:25-26)
"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus ..." (Romans 8:1)
"Come now and let us reason together," says the Lord,
"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18)
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace." (Ephesians 1:7)
Jan, why are you so confused?
You said SIL (mother of 2 children of my brother) should be entitled to receive my father's money. I only had 1 SIL- brother's wife. I really pity them also, one deceased, girl 37 and the son a druggie. Yes, they are to be pitied.
I was confused because SIL can also
mean 'son-in-law.'
And exactly, your SIL IS a legal heir from her father-in-law through her marriage to your brother.
You should try to find them and give half of it = $ 350.000.-- to your SIL and your nephew.
Maybe this will turn his life around. Put him into a rehabilitation clinic!
Then you will have peace of mind and will sleep better.
How did your niece die? So sad.
Confused?
QUOTE FROM ORIGINAL POST:
...when I hear someone talking and their use of a word is completely wrong AND THIS MORNING in a subtle way did a correction.
Okay, JMT...make up your mind. Did it happen this morning as you originally indicated, or did it happen two years ago as you later indicated in an attempt to defend not asking about the woman's aunt?
Enquiring minds want to know....
Oh, really confused, thought they were 1
in the same. Mother always said where there is smoke, there is fire. Howard from the Anna Nichole saga sure has a lot of smoke around him.
confused mom, please see message
ok, when do you start talking about sex with your kids?? my 9 y/o son has asked me a few times where do babies come from. right now i tell him God. i think my 10 y/o nephew told him some things about sex (but this was when they were younger). i think my SIL told her son about sex when he was 7. i think that is too young. what's your input? thanks.
I'm confused. Who is the father?
x
they must have been confused and thought
because stimulus checks didn't start going out until Monday:
http://www.irs.gov/irs/article/0,,id=180250,00.html
OMG - My apologies. I am sorry....I do have you confused....
I am so so sorry. I DO need to be more careful with my posts. I thought you were the one saying that the children should not be reuinited with their family. I guess I was just stunned that someone thought that way and all I could think of was what if the shoe was on the other foot. How would they like if their child was grabbed up from them without solid evidence and not be told why. From now on I will be more careful and make sure I don't post anything to the wrong person. Again I am sorry. I am not a religous person and I have been judged too many times by my "religious" family members (some of who believe the Harry Potter books be burned). I love the Harry Potter movies too and it takes me away from reality for a short time. Again - I am truly sorry. I
Sorry got a bit confused there, not a watcher -sm
of How I met your Mother.
I thought it was the aunt. I'm confused now.
What did the grandmother do?
I'm confused at your responses - are you the same person?
Are you the same person who keep saying "what are you thinking?" If so, in one post you are telling me everything else can wait and the other you're telling me I should be fired.
No ruffling here, just a confused person
So I think I am understanding, you are saying this belongs on another board instead of here. If that is why, don't mind. I just knew was something seen discussed all over the place, maybe just not on gab, got it now. Guess Hubba started here.
Apparently so many confused on this issue!!
His aunt, who died, knew him by this name. His brother does not respect his new name and has been asked to call him this PRIOR TO ANY FUNERAL. Friend apparently does not think silly after having asked before to be called that - numerous times, not just now. Most women when they marry have a name change- would most of them want to go by their old names? Most, underline that- so it is not taken out of text, would want to have their new name. Why is it different for a man?? His family comes around his new stepdaughter and son-in-law and calls him by his old name which they stepdauhter and SIL DO not know him by. Those are his wishes and here in America, I think most of us want our wishes to be observed. Oh about who cares- he does.
No doubt you're confused! I don't know what's
going on myself, so it's a bit difficult to describe it in any clear way.
I know very little about diabetes, but my vision is definitely deteriorating. I had wondered why the nurse specifically asked me if I was a diabetic. I also know that I have a great chance of developing diabetes once my pancreas is completely destroyed. All I know is the last set of labs I had were very good. I see my doctor again on July 22, and I will definitely mention this to him.
I took Wellbutrin almost 10 years ago to try to help quit smoking. It gave me tremors of the hands so badly that I couldn't type. So I stopped taking it. I'm on a mess of medicines (most of them, gratefully, provided by the manufacturers' patient assistance programs.) A couple months ago, I started Abilify, didn't seem to have any problems.
As far as the problem with staggering, mine came out of the blue, as well. I was somehow thinking they might be related, but after your comment about diabetes, I'm going to do more research on diabetes because it's a disease that I know absolutely nothing about.
Thanks so much for your post and your input. I'm feeling like "Columbo" trying to figure out a mystery, and I appreciate any input I can get.
Hope you have a great weekend.
My downies vary a lot in size, which confused
me for a long time because I thought the larger ones might be hairies. The more I read the more I realized that hairies are significantly larger. The hairy we had yesterday was even bigger than a red-bellied with a very long, sturdy beak. There is really no confusing them up close. From a distance it is more difficult.
I have at least 3 red-breasted nuthatches this year. I just looked out and there were 2 on the tree eating suet and one on the wire watching the other two. They are so cute.
My son met his wife somehow
on the internet. They've been married 4 years..Very nice girl... Also know 2 other couples who met online and happy together. susan
Does he have a wife?
Maybe you can talk more calmly with her about it. I would be furious too! But if confronting him you don't know what you may do or say and your daughter doesn't need to lose a friend right now. Dyslexia is not the worst thing that can happen, although right now to her and you it may seem that way.
Have you looked into the disability act laws and getting her some support or into programs for this?
Share the below with your daugher, if you haven't already, it is a list of famous people that had dyslexia; Albert Einstein. Tom Cruise. Thomas Edison. Many others.
http://www.dyslexiamentor.com/famousdyslexics.php
All the best to both of you.
To wife sm
Try some on-line help anonymously for awhile. Just Google recovery or AAonline and you should find some help there. Give him credit and help him. Remove all alcohol from the house, support him and realize it IS a disease, not a flaw in his personality, he inherited this in the gene pool but although there is no cure, it can be turned around with the right support. I know someone who will not admit it and he has lost everything.He thinks beer is not alcohol. So be grateful for the awareness and pay no attention from those who judge. Good luck, it takes a lot of work, it didn't come on overnight but with your help and his higher power, he can do it if he is ready.There is Al-Anon, AA, Adult Children of Alcoholics but beware, some go to these meetings and tell all they hear there. You can decide later if you want the whole community to know. Usually those who judge point the finger, having three pointing back at themselves. It's not always anonymous. Get some professional advice and get rid of all the temptations. You may have to change playmates and playgrounds. You will figure this out as you go along. Only listen to the positive, ignore all who judge, they know not of what they speak, it's a disease. Just treat it as taking the sugar away from the diabetic, same scenario, help but do not enable!
My son and his wife - sm
have been married eleven years and over time developed a pattern for Thanksgiving, at least - they trade off years, one year coming to our house for dinner and her parents' house for dessert, and vice-versa. Of course, she's not a cook and has never been interested in hosting their own holiday dinner. They've always slept over Christmas Eve at our house as we have two more children still in school (had actually, one's not in school anymore but living at home) and shared Christmas morning with us, then go to her parents' house for Christmas dinner. I don't know if that's going to change now that the last of the kids are basically grown now. Unfortunately they aren't able to have kids, but if they did I would encourage them to stay home and we would come to them.
Yes. My son's second wife never
cooked. It was always McD's, Taco Bell, Pizza, etc. She never cleaned either. All she knew how to do was spend the bill money. (She didn't work, BTW).
Now my grandson is on a diet at 15 yo, 195 pounds.Thank heavens, my son woke up and got rid of her.
My mom worked every day and when she came home, made supper and it was always on the table by 5-5:30. If my father was on the 2nd shift, she'd make him a hot meal, put it in a square metal container and I would bicycle it to his work. When I was old enough to use the stove, I would make supper once or twice a night. In the summer, I would clean the house so she would have less to do.
I worked 2 jobs most of my life, but always had time to take my boys to their baseball practice, wrestling practice, and when old enough, to their PT job and pick them up at 10-11:00 when they would get off, went to open house every year to see how they were doing, etc. I also made sure their homework was done (not that boys really bring homework home in those days LOL), had a meal on the table for them every night, never had snacks like chips or pretzels in the house. The only thing they had to drink was water or milk. No soda. BTW, my husband during this time was away from home all week, so it was all left to me.
The parents today are too pressured, as are the kids. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. They are 7 going on 70. I think it's time they get back to being normal kids. They need breathing room. I don't know who ever decided that the kids had to be in every sport, every club, every volunteer activity the school has, but it's crazy. Not all kids fit that mold and they shouldn't have to. Plus their grades are expected to be A's and B's, nothing less. Perfection is the norm and no one is perfect.
What's wrong with this picture?
I'll jump down from my soapbox now.
Talking to the ex-wife
Your boyfriend/husband talks to his ex-wife because he is mature. She means nothing to him. He would be with her, not you, if that was his choice. Don't you have ex-boyfriends? Do you speak when you meet them in the street? Please don't go down this road or you will experience a LOT of pain. You cannot ever "make" someone be faithful to you. Either they are or they are not. Dogs need to be tossed aside because life is too short. Work on your self-esteem. Choking someone to death with your insecurity and jealousy is the quickest way to make your boyfriend/husband say, "Bye-bye." My grown children stay with my husband's ex-wife when they are in her city visiting. We have had her over for Thanksgiving dinner. Was it 100% comfortable? No, but we did it for the children. Everyone has a past when they are over 18. Accept it, don't make it bigger than it is, and enjoy your relationship. That is very good advice.
Your knowing the wife well would be
much more important than you hubby talking to his buddy now and then. She's the one stuck with cleaning, getting a guest room set up and worrying about meals. Some women enjoy that, but many are just too busy to drop everything.
I agree that he should always put his wife first
but my brother was pretty much the same way...family was always an after thought if he thought of them at all and I assure you he is not gay.
I agree about the wife, but...
she knows what side her bread is buttered on! Play the stand by your man, humiliated wife in public means for a much heftier settlement when the divorce proceedings start...not that she doesn't deserve it but come on, if your hubs was going to hookers for almost 10 years you'd be dumb as a post to not suspect it or at least get a hint of it from someone... Then again, they may just have that type of relationship where it is okay with her as long as she has the prestige, power and money that he brings. His daddy is worth 500 million dollars.
At least it is not a bombshell to the wife.
They both admitted their relationships..had counseling and moved on. you know it has been said for years now that good people are afraid to run for office for fear of a skeleton rattling around somewhere. You know an investigative reporter will dig it out.
my hubby did that with his first wife!!
I didn't believe him when he told me that he had only known her for two weeks when he married her! I said to him, "what were you thinking and no, I will not marry you right now"!
The wife will be gone at night
I am still thinking they are going to lock you in the basement for 10 years!
Dear Ms K9's wife
Try as you might, you cannot tell me your husband can approach any and all pitbulls and put them back on their chain- I was not born yesterday and don’t believe that for 1 minute. Tell someone else who does not know better, ok? You have named (except for the doberman) all dogs the police department close to me do not allow to be rescued because of their known aggressive behavior, chows, rotweilers and the pits. Better luck next time, sweetie.
He should consider his wife FIRST, not his stylist.....
nm
As his wife contacted you, you must have had some
contact details. Her son was in jail and instead of helping her, you took their inheritance share, PRETENDING that you do not know their whereabouts?
WOW!
I hope you are not one of those religious freaks, that would really be too much of a hypocrisy!
What the wife says and does is irrelevant
since the agreement was only with the husband. The wife has nothing to do with it.
most of the time it is the wife divorcing the man...sm
not always, but most of the time. I am just expressing caution, and to have eyes wide open. Love or the thought of love, tends to blind people to the true facts. JMO.
wife beaters and rapists.
From what I heard his wife did release
the tape and against court orders. This child was supposed to, from what I heard, going with him somewhere. The mother got into trouble 1 time before for going against court orders. True he did wrong by the ranting but I would be willing to bet you Ms. Kim involved in not following through with court orders. This is probably the case of a child being put in the middle by these 2 who cannot stand 1 another now. Sure it happens all the time but we are not Kim and Alec, right?
yes I believe his present wife was seated next to him
and next to her was Laila's mom. They seemed friendly with each other and both were very supportive of Laila.
A military man shot his wife
This man was our son's recruiter when our son signed with the military three years ago. We had several meetings with him. He was a "fun" guy to be around, always smiling, always happy. But now, this and I can't get over the sick feeling in my stomach. He is on the run, of course. He left behind his little boy, with no mother and now no father. Temporary insanity?????
That wife you wrote about sounds like me! LOL! SM
I was married to a man who cheated for years. I was in total denial. After close to 30 years, I up and left. Best thing I ever did.
Just want to acknowledge point that men don't leave. If they are in a long marriage, and have been getting away with cheating for a long time, AND there is a lot of money involved, what with houses, pensions, savings, etc., THEY DON'T LEAVE.
I admire both your honesty. Good luck.
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