Those total sons of you-know-whats.
Posted By: CrankyBeach on 2009-06-11
In Reply to: A question... - I'll try to make it short
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
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- A question... - I'll try to make it short
- Those total sons of you-know-whats. - CrankyBeach
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You know whats crazy is they still sell VCRs, but no tapes or any of the accessories..she found a he
x
My sons are 18 and 20.
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didn't do any "hang out" time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
Sons
Boy this is sounding real familiar. I have a son who is a lot like yours. He is 16, very smart, but no motivation or willingness to work for good grades. I have wondered if part of his problem was that school came too easy for him in the early grades. He never had to study for spelling tests, etc. Now that he is in high school, he doesn't have the habit of studying. It is almost as though he doesn't even think about it. When I remind him that he has a test, he will study for a few minutes and get an A or B. If he really works at it, he can Ace the test. He doesn't really think grades are all that important. (I was used to my daughter's straight As and am trying to refrain from comparing the two kids.) I'm looking for ways to motivate him, and so far a lot of positive reinforcement is starting to help. Maybe visiting with the school counselor would help. My son is also looking for a job--I think he has too much time on his hands! The more time they have, the less they get done. Good luck.
Sons in Military - Thank You
Thanks, next time I hear from either one of my children, I'll ask them about this. I wonder why the military just doesn't supply them with it ????? Thanks so much.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We only buy for our two sons, and they are older.
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. He's big into hats, and I bought him a leather "Indiana Jones" style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party.
While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.
Trained my sons to help sm
Since I was a working mom, I always told my sons to expect to help around the house. They didn't do it for me that often, but now that they're married, they cook, iron, babysit and go to the market without complaining. I think I did a good job. My husband also helped around the house, so they had a good example of what it takes to make it work when mom has to work. Whether you pay someone to help or ask for help around the house, it doesn't matter. I could not have offered my kids a college education if I did not work and save for it. Some men think it demasculinizes them and that's sad. I also shoveled snow,did what I could to help without gender bias if no one else was home. I did not feel strange doing what I could to help my husband either, as long as I could lift it, I did it. It takes a village. I used to sew, but I was lousy at it and that's why I quit. I never felt like what I did was good enough and wouldn't wear it. Curtains and drapes were okay but now you can buy them cheaper than what the material costs. Just IMHO.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
Prayers for your sons and all our soldiers! nm
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LOL! Love it! Thanks. I'll be using this on my 3 sons! nm
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My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it.
With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true.
You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in.
My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here.
Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
Mary, I offer my prayers for the safety of your sons. SM
I thought brothers could not be in battle zones at the same time. Did they choose to?
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
Total shock
That's all I have to say. 
I am in total agreement with you.
I have been working today and just thinking about not ever having to do any business with anyone who talks like the ones I have done today. I laughed the other day when 1 on here asked when did she go from Transcriptionist to interpreter. You may not know this, but years ago we got a difficulty factor, just for dictators like we have to do day after day now, unbelievable, isn't it? None of those dictators could even approach what we hear now. It is irritating. Some days I have taken off a little early when I know I am having 1 after the other, can make up that time another day- just too irritating and getting on my nerves to continue.
I am a total believer and do believe that
kids see things before they are old enough to think they are not supposed to. I still will smell my dad's aftershave every so often. I just think of it as he is coming around to see how I am doing. (My BF thinks I am crazy by the way.)
total witch
you are a stalker and i am reporting you
Thanks. I am total IC and work for one company..sm
and I have worked for them for 3 years. I do have a FED ID #, as my employer requested that I have one when I first started. Hence, I also have a business name, but I file under my SS# and my personal name, not my business. I thought maybe that would make a difference. I still have the letter, as I keep all of that stuff *just in case.* I know that being an IC, we are *suppose* to file quarterly and I did read somewhere that there may be fines involved if you don't, so I did not think too much about it when it happened. I file in April and everything is in their officed prior to the 15th, so that could not be a reason why the fine, either. Needless to say, I am confused. Maybe I will seek out an accountant this year and leave all that stuff in their hands. It is getting to be a drag and too time consuming for me anyway. just trying to save a buck, even though I know it is deductible. thanks for answering me. I appreciate it.
My stepmother and father (a total man's man)
just had their bathroom remodeled and had a big sunken tub put in just so he could take baths. He is 64 and in very good health, but finally realized how good a tub soak feels. My step-mom tends to light candles for him and add bubbles and he loves everybit of it. BTW, she often joins him as well. they also have weekly at home massages by a masseuse. Men need to slow down a little sometimes and enjoy the gentler things in life.
This Southern Gal is in total agreement with you! Nothing else need be said.
d
This will be total and much needed catharsis....
I am almost 54 years old and the permeating thought in my brain is that I am "a monstrosity," something my mother called my sister and I because we were tall. My father is still alive at 86 and says about some "pretty little thing." THAT drives me INSANE because I am not. He asks when I am going to play piano for him, and I laugh, but I think, "Never, because you have always criticized me." Still does. God help us all. That's the thing that has totally messed up my brain. I am a "monstrosity" and will never be a "pretty little thing." There. Now I have said it on the internet.
But, FYI, I am not a tall humongous woman, I am just tall and not a "pretty little thing." There, I typed it and that's almost like saying it out loud.
This thread ROX!
My husbsand is a total embarrasement
He thinks boxer shorts are shorts to wear at home when company comes over.
I bought him a nice denim lined shirt/jacket that he took to our seamstress and had 2" round buttons to replace the "normal" looking buttons. I swear, all he needs now is a Tonka Truck to complete the look of a properly dressed 2 year old.
HELP!!!! I think things need to start vanishing when I do laundry!
Aw heck, I'm a total hick and even I know to call...
on an RSVP to let them know that they can count me in or out. It just seems like one of those common courtesy things...at least call whoever to let them know you got the invite for sure and it wasn't lost in the mail. 
Smaller total amount of more feedings?
Have you tried feeding him more than 2-3 times a day and just putting a smaller overall amount in the dish? He might think he's actually getting more.
I am white but my hair is a total 'fro!
Always has been and I can relate to your distress! I would use any conditioner but only lightly rinse it out after shampoo. I also use a wet my hair with a spray bottle of water and use a little bit of conditioner straight on my hair before combing it out...and I always use a pick--just like you would if you got a perm or had an afro. Seriously! The bigger and wider the teeth, the easier it is. Or, if you absolutely hate the idea of a pick, use a vent brush. The trick is to not comb through or brush out dry curly hair because it will only frizz and boof, know what I'm sayin? If a hairdryer is necessary, like for wintertime, get a diffuser so no direct blast of air hits the hair because it will frizz out.
During my school years, a braid or ponytail was my best friend. I wish I could do it now but all I can manage are Pippi-Longstocking braids and they look kinda gay on a 35-year-old chick.
you need to buy the brush to put it on, total price for the first time is $28
you can apply it in two different ways, one way in which you let your moisturizer dry and the put it on and another is use a bit of moisturizer to get that "dewy" look. Also you should always start off with less (at least with our brand) because it is layerable for a fuller-coverage. Also there are 6 different shades to choose from so you should be able to find a perfect match.
I saw it. A total hoot. My teenagers loved it
and so did I. 
I was a total cougar til my prey caught ME, lol!
My boyfriend is YEARS younger than I am. Started as a one nighter that turned into a 4-day sleepover...I thought he was totally hot but also totally dumb as a pet rock.
Fast forward 2 years...He's sitting on my couch watching the news, and we've been living together 1-1/2 years. He's still totally hot, but not at all dumb as I had initially suspected and, in fact, handles our finances, etc.
Yeah...being a cougar totally rocked, but it turned out even sweeter than I expected when my prey caught ME!!!
Takes a total of about 10 seconds to click
on every site. I sincerely hope anyone that visits this site would want to help all of them.
Dave Ramsy, The Total Money Makeover....
His message, "Live like no on else so later on you can live like no one else." Budget is not a bad word and saying no to the kids is not wrong and does not make you a bad parent.
I am in total agreement. 13 years old and wanting to date - no way!!..
One of the problems is, as a previous poster write, is DRAMA. Some girls live for the DRAMA (i come from a family of six girls). These kids (but not all) want to and in some ways are forced to grow up too danged fast and it can lead to life-long problems if they do not have a strong mom/dad or just an extended strong family support system. The media has played and contuinues to play a role in the evolution of our teenagers as well (MTV, etc). That is why it is important to keep these kids busy and involved in activities because it is helpful,. JMO..
The Illusionist - total chick flick! Great movie!
nm
Ooooooo! That's an awesome theory! I'm a total Lost freak too. SM
I can't believe I missed this thread!
Make your own income, hire a plumber. Total unnecessary. Men are useless in the family plan.
x
This is total BS ! Every policy policy must have a beneficiary!..nm
Even one's bank accounts have a beneficiary named!
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