This happened once to me. A friend was in the same situation - (sm)
Posted By: SP on 2007-07-11
In Reply to: Money - Should I be mad or not? - Friend or Foe?
always robbing Peter to pay Paul, never had any money on her, always behind on the bills, etc. She had a big, huge yard sale one summer the money from which was going to get caught up on bills. I chipped in a TON of really good stuff which I was going to use for my own yard sale to pay my OWN bills. To make a long story short, she made about $700 on this yard sale and proceeded to buy her husband a bow and arrow (which he has never used) instead of paying the bills. I was quite upset at the time but chose not to say anything. About a year later, after more complaining about not being able to pay the bills she had the nerve to ask me to take out a loan for her so she could pay off her husband's $5000 tool bill. (He worked at some place where the tool truck would come by every week and he'd pick up this and that. A couple of years later he's got quite the collection AND quite the bill.) I promptly told her that I would absolutely NOT take out a loan for them. This was quite a few years ago and they're still living way above their means and haven't YET learned how to manage their money. They eat out, go on vacations, redecorate the house, buy new cars, etc., etc. AND to top it all off, they've done the debt consolidation/credit counseling thing TWICE. Let the counseling service lower their interest rates, paid off the bills, and then racked them right back up again.
Granted, as I write this my situation isn't EXACTLY the same because I didn't actually have to shell out any money but my point it if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile and learn who they can walk on. My friend and her DH have walked on everybody BUT me because I saw it coming and nipped it in the bud early.
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What would you do about this situation regarding ole friend?
This is a friend of over 40 years, lives out of town from me. I paid for surgery for a dog that belongs to her son several months ago, lots of $$$ and then I tried for several months to buy medicine such as vitamins and pain pills for the doggie. I have reached the breaking point to where I do not want to do this anymore. Her son is a druggie (but also has a really good blue collar job that pays more than I can make, if he would work) and she tries to play on my sympathy now by emailing about how the doggie really needs the medicine but she does not have the money right now. I ordered the medicine from my vets office close by and I told her she could call them (where she lives, the medicine much, much higher) and I just told my hubby I would not mind picking it up and sending to her (it would cost me around $2.00 to send) but he says still I would be playing into enabling her son to not step up to the plate. The lady I am speaking of draws her social security but spends almost every cent she can rake and scrape together to give to both her sons (they are grown- in their 30s). No amount of my talking to her telling her she is enabling them does any good at all. She told me she even bought the druggie some of his drugs before!! I was floored.. My question is- what would you do, ignore the emails about no money, tell her to pay for the medicine and I will send to her or just what? Thanks to all.
I have a friend in this exact same situation with
her mother. There were 3 of them and they all took turns staying at her house for 2 nights at a time. That way she was happy and no one was doing all the work. They were also lucky in that one of the grandkids could stay during the day with her or, when they couldn't they have a caregiver p.r.n. The only other compromise would be to sit down and talk to his doctor and have him tell your dad that he is no longer able to live by himself and that he needs to be in one of your homes or in an ECF. Maybe coming from his doctor, it would be more effective.
This happened to a friend of mine from high school........sm
He had mono after we graduated from high school and was off work for about 5 weeks. He went back to work too early and, while driving home from work one day, his spleen just burst and he crashed into an oncoming log truck, killing him instantly. It was really a double tragedy because the first people on the scene to find him were his mom and dad, who had a bad heart anyway. His dad suffered a major MI on the spot and had to be taken to the ER. His poor mom lost her son that day and almost lost her husband.
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
When it happened before
about 5 years ago it was about 3 months after the birth of my first child. I have an 18 month old and she was born via C section. I had a pap smear about a month after my 18 month old was born and it was okay. Just the one in April has come back abnormal.
Oh boy! I'm really sorry that happened. SM
I don't blame you or your son for not inviting him to wedding. But perhaps, just perhaps, you should have. I have a feeling ex-hubby probably realized he made a huge mistake long ago and is sorry for it. He is probably now taking that anger out on you. If he continues, (gulp), try talking calmly to him and tell him you understand how he feels. If he has shown any atonement, see if your son would meet with him, briefly.
It takes a lot to show forgiveness. Be the better person.
That happened to me too.
I gave a HS gal money for her grad, never heard a thanks. Then I gave her $ when her baby was born a few weeks later. I thought well she doesn't write thank you notes apparently, but the next time I saw her at a picnic, she didn't even say thanks. I still think thanks are necessary when someone gives you a gift.
What ever happened with that?
NM
Happened to my mom . . .
she was a little devastated at the news when she read about pulmonary fibrosis, but turns out she didn't have it at all.
This happened to me before, too, SM
This happened to me once. I was taking a walk this time of year (late October) when a TON of blackbirds flew up. They landed on all the trees, telephone poles, etc. all around me. It was really creepy.
Even though you're having a warm day, they probably are getting ready to fly south.
Hey! Maybe something happened
to my husband when he went through Roswell, NM on a trip for work!! He didn't see any UFOs or aliens but plenty of ads. He sure has selective memory on many occasions! 
That happened to me
I had the same thing happen to me a few days after my surgery. Woke up to find blood on my sheets and then stood up and it just burst. I had a seroma in the area of the incision that had collected with blood and turned out to have an infection. I was on antibiotics for almost 4 months. It was very slow to heal, but this also happened to my nephew, and in speaking with the doctor this sometimes happens. It either drains spontaneously, as mine did, or they have to take the patient back to surgery to drain it and pack it, and they also have to be on antibiotics for an indefinite period of time. I am now one year out from the surgery and you can seen on the MRI where this occurred, and the bone graft is not healing as well in that area than it did in the other areas, but I am fine now. You SIL will be fine with time too, just have to closely watch this for evidence of an infection. As I said, it took me 4 months before it totally healed.
Happened to me sm
It has been many, many years since I was in elementary school and I still remember the mean things the teachers did and said to me. I really feel for you. Good luck!
what happened
I don't know why info was left out of OP. Many things don't make sense the way it printed. Anyway, I hope you get the basics.
This is exactly what happened with me
I did it for about 6 months or so. It was very time consuming scanning everything in, punching in the prices and quantities sometimes if it didn't have it in the system. It just wasn't worth it, and then I had the same software problems. Same answer.. keep trying. Same threatening letter. I also finally sent it back with great relief.
What happened with this...
I just slept more than 12 hours! What's up with that? My little boy was home sick yesterday and I took my afternoon nap when hubby came home and I just got up now! (3 a.m.). What's the deal? Anybody else ever do that? Missed 2 hours of my afternoon shift, though I can make the 2 hours up. Still, really that is kind of ridiculous... anybody else ever have this happen? When I woke up I did not know if it was day or night LOL.
Happened to me too
You know, I now do not have to wear any glasses to read at all or to type at the computer! I am in my 40s as well and I wondered why I had headaches while transcribing. I took my glasses off and I felt much better. Only time I wear my glasses is when I drive or if I need to see really far. Isn't that great! Finally something good about getting to be "mature." LOL. PS: Still can't find my glasses every morning though. My husband or son usually find them for me. Sad, but true.
I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. I really am. sm
I have a very best friend who says kind things about my husband and I don't know what I'd do if she were do to that to me or if my husband were to do that with me. Was that the demise of your marriage? Did you stay? Leave? Did she apologize??
OMG That happened to me too before! sm
I was feeling really bad, depressed, tired, defeated, you name it.
I normally don't even open/eat fortune cookies, but my daughter was trying to make me feel better, so she insisted that I open/read one. 'It will be a good fortune. It will make you feel better. Come on, please open one..' So I did and it was EMPTY!!!
We both laughed hysterically but it was still kind of depressing.... I said, 'See? I HAVE no fortune!!'
Guess you can look at it both ways, no fortune or everything you need ;-)
I know someone that happened to
She needed a liver transplant, got the liver and ended up with liver cancer from her new liver. We were all so happy that she got the transplant, but it ended sadly anyway.
Same happened to me....go get a
professional bra fitting. I did mine at Macy's (Nordstrom has someone too) and ended up buying 5 bras (Wacoal brand...spendy but worth it). The fitting wound up revealing not 36D but 34DD and even 32DD in some brands. I am so much more comfortable and no more wasted money on bras that sit in the lingerie drawer.
Yes, happened to me just now...
something trying to install, my Spy Sweeper blocked it, called it malware.
but it happened
Went to a psychologist with a problem - I am psychic and have struggled with this for most of my life. Well, after telling the psychologist this, she asked for a psychic reading - wanting to know about her upcoming marriage, whether she would be able to get pregnant right away (she is 41), if there were any impending problems going to happen, and on and on. I obliged at first (that's what I am used to doing) then I realized that she was going to want to be paid. I then told her that the session was over and that I wasn't going to pay for her services and that I wouldn't charge her for mine. Then about a month later, I got a bill. I promptly sent the bill back with my explanation that she had not serviced my needs, but had taken advantage of me as a patient - and that once again I would not be paying her $125 for 45 minute fee. She actually called the day she received the copy of her bill, a copy of my bill to her, and apologized for stepping out of line. I do have to applaud her for knowing that she was wrong, but could not refer anyone that I know to her in the future. At least she was honest. Anyone know where I can find a good therapist?
This is what happened to me
Times have really changed since I was in school but I remember this incident very well and what happened in this case. A classmate of mine had taken my homework on the way to school (can't remember why). I told my mom that she took my homework and I can remember my mom talking to the girls parents (we walked over to their house - she lived on the same street). My mom talked to her mom and told her what I had said. Her mother looked at her and asked her what happened. The girl looked at her mom and said "I didn't take her homework, I don't know what she's talking about". The mother turned back to my mom and said she didn't take it and my mom and I left. Luckly my mom believed me. I hope it works out for you. That's a lot of money and only right the girl should give it back, but in my experience parents always side with their kids whether they are right or wrong.
This also happened to my son
The friend "loaned" it to another friend, who broke it,evidently, before giving it back to the original friend. Same thing, a video game. Every time he approached the friend for awhile he got a vague excuse, and then he finally 'fessed up. Bottom line, chalk it up to experience and never loan out your stuff. He was in, I think 9th or 10th grade at the time. Nothing teaches quite like experience!
What happened to you....
that made you such a mean and nasty person? Really, what's your story? We would probably all like to hear how it is that you were elevated to your high horse. I'm sure that all of your relationships are above reproach and you get along with everyone perfectly, as evidenced by your interactions with this poster, who was merely venting her frustrations. Get a life!
Does anyone know what happened to the
wonderful guy on America's Got Talent who sang opera for his first audition and then last week sang There's A Place For Us? They brought back the acts from last week and announced who was going on to the next round, but he was not there this week and they did not mention him. I wonder if he dropped out? He was just wonderful.
This happened to me
I kept threatening my mom that I would move out if she didn't let me do what I wanted (I was 17). Finally one day my mom marched into my room with a suitcase and started to pack my bags. Really opened up my eyes quick. Sounds like your daughter is using that as a "threat" believing that you will back down and let her do what she wants if she "threatens" you with leaving. My mom's words to me were (as she was packing my bag)... "You want to leave so bad? You think you have it horrible here and I'm such a bad person cos I won't let you run around whereever you want, take my car whenever you want? Here let me help you". When I knew she wouldn't put up with the bull I was giving her I backed down. Mom told me its her house, her rules, you can go out with your friends, but as long as you live in this house you will do follow the rules. She wanted to know where I was because she loved me and wanted to know I was safe. That is what she told me. She said that when I turn 18 I will be of legal age and if I want to move out she will help me find a place that I can support myself on. But until then I had to respect her as much as she respected me. I had a curfue. Midnight on weekends, 11 pm on school nights. As for the drinking thing...its not okay...it is illegal. There are laws and they should be followed. Under age drinking is illegal, robbery is illegal, speeding is illegal, etc, etc. There are many things that are illegal and for good reason. I worked with a lady who told me how responsible and wonderful and mature her son is. At 16 they bought him whatever kind of car he wanted, let him do what he wanted. "He's such a good person and we trust him totally. He tells us he doesn't drink or party or "hang out". He's always at the library or his friends studying. She came in one Monday in tears. That weekend the police had brought him home from a "party" where there were no adults. He was drunk and the police were called in because there was underage drinking.
Happened to me too sm
I had trouble breathing and swallowing and the left side of my thyroid had grown pretty big. I had the left thyroid taken out. The surgery was no big deal. I was not in much pain either. My left thyroid was about 3 times the size it should have been, but it was not cancer. Don't worry.
This has happened before and ....sm
it is such a sad sad story. I am a pitbull owner. I will say these dogs are not for everyone. It takes a certain kind of owner to have these dogs and in the wrong hands they are dangerous. I am a dog lover. I love pits BUT there are mistakes people make such as having more than one pit of the same gender. I don't know the circumstances which led to this attack but I can say I do not believe the dogs attacked for no reason. Something can set them off. But a dog that is loved and is a stable well minded dog who loves the owner is not going to attack for no reason. Usually there are circumstances we don't know. The dogs could have got into a fight or simply a spat and he could have intervened and they might have attacked him in the heat of the moment. I would never have more than one at a time unless they were different genders. I will say again not a dog for everyone. Until we know the nature of the attack we can't judge.
It happened to me. (sm)
We had all sorts of vet bills from previous dogs, and then were hit with health bills of our own (both DH and I), and insurance that didn't turn out to be very good, and suddenly the reality was that we couldn't afford to care for our 2 dogs responsibly. We didn't have these dogs very long, but I'll be heartbroken if they aren't adopted.
Has This Ever Happened To Any Of You Here?
This was unreal...I had made a trip to the store for cat food (before I became cat food LOL!) and while slowing down behind a car that was turning, I got hit in the back. No real damage, just a scruff on the bumper of my Subaru Forester, and a bit of a blow to my ego, but the dang kid who hit me was texting her boyfriend while driving and obviously not paying attention to the road. She was only 19 years old! Holy cow!
I got out, she got out...still texting. She said, "Wait a minute," and continued texting. I couldn't believe it. I have that hands-free voice-activated cellphone setup in my Forester that DH set up for me, so I got back in and called the police department. If she hadn't been so rude, I might have let it go, but when she pulled that, I decided to teach her a lesson.
She was horrified to learn that I called the cops while she was texting. She actually yelled at me, saying, "My Dad's going to kill me! Why'd you do that? I didn't hurt your stupid car!" and on and on. I just stood there and looked at her.
The cop got there, threw the book at her: failure to yield, following too closely, texting while driving (it's a law here now -- you can't do that) and she has a nasty fine and her insurance is definitely going to go up. She was horrified.
Maybe she'll think twice before texting while driving again...before she causes real damage and people get hurt.
So that's my new pet peeve! Grrr! I'm going to find and buy that bumpersticker that says, "Hang up and drive!"
Has this ever happened to any of you?
Same happened to me..........
My mother is in a nursing home with dementia. She did never write a will. I do not live in the same city as my mother, my sister does. So my sister takes more care of my mother. Although my mother's retirement benefits cover all the expenses in the nursing home, my sister took all the money in my mother's bank account and put it into the purchase of an apartment for her and her boyfriend, without telling me. My mother told me before she was admitted to the mursing home that my sister and I should split the money that she had in the bank, 50/50, but my sister did not know that.
What shall I do now that all the money is invested in my sister's apartment?
I too have to turn the other cheek, so bad, so sad.
I'm sorry this happened, but you might
in a similar situation but different diagnosis (Tourette's). You might actually take advantage of the situation. Sometimes kids need to learn tolerance outside the home because they don't learn it at home. Maybe the kids need to understand exactly what ADHD is so they can begin to understand? You can talk to your child study team about this. Maybe they can arrange for some sort of presentation, or perhaps you might want to take a role in that. If he's classified and covered under IDEA and an IEP, you actually probably have a case against the school for her sharing that information, but you'd have to weigh that against possibly turning this into a positive situation and experience for your son. Kids often tease and bully over things they don't understand. It's natural and part of being a kid, but they should have some sense of tolerance for those who might appear or act "different."
I can also tell you, since your son is in the 6th grade, you might really want to start working on having him advocate for himself. He's getting up to that age where he will need to be able to do this to survive middle school and beyond. This would extend not only to his peers, but his teachers and administrators too. I can also tell you from experience that kids mature a LOT over the summer between 6th and 7th grade and hopefully this will help your son's situation going forward.
Good luck to you!! It's hard enough parenting the "normal" teenage, but add in one (or try 3) with disabilities and you've got your work cut out for you.
Yes - that happened to me with my first too (sm)
I went home weighing the same as I went in weighing! But!!!!! I lost 35 pounds in the first week after I sent home, all water weight!! My skin was loose on my feet and ankles for a week or two but it did go back to normal. I had watched sodium very closely but still had a lot of swelling. Don't worry, it will go away!
What happened
Why don't I remember any of these things being issues when I was a kid? The world seemed so different then.
Am I just looking through rose-colored glasses at my past?
Well, I do know there were STDs back then, but I never heard of AIDS then. Kids weren't shooting other kids and teachers. Drugs? I never saw them being dealt or used at school. Not then. There weren't locked security doors or metal detectors when I went to school.
We used to be able to go to the airport then and just stroll around, watching planes take off from the open observation decks. There was even a movie theater in our airport. Later, when I had my own kids, I still would take them to the airport, they loved watching the planes take off. I remember a flight I was on with my husband and my oldest son when he was just the only one and a little guy at that. They actually gave him a little packet on the plane that had crayons and a coloring book and a metal pilot-wings pin to wear. Oh-God-now that would be considered a deadly weapon.
It is such a shame how things are now. Kids face a tremendous amount of pressure and dangers in school.
When did the world take this sharp turn for the worst? Was it the proliferation of drugs? Now they are talking about legalizing marijuana. Not sure if that is a good thing. I guess there are many who would argue with me, but I just don't think it would be a good idea.
I just wouldn't want to be a kid today.
you are right, you do not know the situation...
and I did not go into complete detail, but at all the churches I was a giver of time, money, and self. I never said anything to members that would have hurt them in anyway. I was told by one pastor that I was a dying plauged horse that needed to find a field and die because he asked why he could not keep any men in the church and when my husband and I very lovingly explained why he got mad and what happened next got very ugly.
In the last church I was in I was basically running the church for him because he was too busy working his other job and such, spending church money on things other than what he was telling the congregation, etc, and when I told his fiance privately in a very loving way after much, much prayer that she needed to think about her children, as child services was getting ready to take them, he found out and called me every name in the book and told me that if I ever stepped on the property he would have me arrested. He told the congregation I left on my own and he had nothing to do with it. There are many more details that go with this situation, but I will leave it at that.
One church we were stuck in the middle of a church split and were on the wrong side of the split.
I will not go on. But I have tried to be a dedicated church member, doing every thing I could to fit in, do as I was told, sing and lead 3 worship services a week, at the church every time the church opened, lost friends, etc. trying to do what I thought God was instructing me to do and every time I ended up getting so deeply hurt that this last split has made it to where I get physically sick even thinking of going back to church. It is called "spiritual abuse" and unless you have gone through it you have no idea what it is like. I am glad you have a church you like and treats you correctly, but until you have been through what I have seen, heard, and been through you have no idea.
There are many a pastor out there who are independent and get corrupted by the power they have from the position of being a "man of God" and it is scary what can happen.
I will leave it at that, but there are times where Christians need to look at their actions and words and make sure they are inviting people to want to become Christians instead of making them want to run as far as possible in the opposite direction. Just my 2 cents.
Very sad situation......(sm)
I really do feel bad for you because of what has happened. Your sister should have offered to pay 'something!' And since she did not offer, I know that makes things difficult to forget about, but I'm sure that you would have been able to move on. She took it to an entirely different level when she put her hands on you. She should have stayed away and gave you time to cool off & herself time to cool off instead of showing up to ignite the fire. I know it makes you feel bad, but please do not blame yourself for what has happened. Regardless of the quad theft, she was the one who made the choice to physically attack you. She is the one who did something wrong, not you. She will hopefully learn a lesson that actions such as that have consequences.
Give yourself & her some time to cool off. Eventually the situation will calm down. It will probably take awhile, but don't let it take too long...time is precious. My older brother (only sibling) died in a mva a few years ago. We disagreed on everything most of the time. I always think back to those 'little arguments' and I think about how much precious time we wasted on trivial things, when we could have been enjoying our relationship. I would do anything to have him back now. Just a thought. Hope things get better for you. Stay positive. Do your part to try to re-establish peace, but do not feel guilty about what happened because it was not your fault. Hopefully, in time she will come to her senses and will be the one to suffer with the guilt of what she did.
same situation here -
However, we DO have a charter school available but it's a 45 minute round trip, have to pay an arm and a leg tuition, and STILL have to support the public school with our property taxes to boot.
Our migrant student to teacher ratio in our district is current 1 teacher to 6 students. Regular class ratio is 1 teacher to 31 students. Nice huh.
Not exactly the same situation
but a hospital I worked at went belly up and we went to work that morning and by 2 p.m. we were out of jobs. Not only that, but this was on a payday and our checks were not there and were not going to be coming. Then on top of that I find out that while we all thought the owner had been keeping up on our insurance he had not been and for the previous 2 months we didn't really have insurance, so all the tests and stuff I had during that time I had to pay for. And there was no Cobra to keep it going because there was no company anymore. It was a nightmare, and I already was juggling bills and I just got into a state of despair where I would quit even answering the phone. It took quite a bit to dig myself out of that pit, and still my credit sucks probably worse than yours- I couldn't even get a secured credit card 6 months ago. Dont know about now.
I'm in the same situation
I'm postmenopausal for 4 years now and started having trouble with the sleep pattern during menopause. I thought it would go back to normal after the menopause completed, but according to my doctor, it can take 10 to 15 years for some women.
When I get too badly sleep deprived, I take generic Benadryl - Walgreen's antihistamine, Wal-Dryl - 50 mg and I'm sleepy within 30-40 mins. and usually sleep through the entire night, 6-7 hours. Normally, I will take a 500 mg generic acetaminophen with the 50 mg antihistamine because I have shoulder and neck pain from transcription posture. That is the same as Tylenol PM but much, much cheaper.
If you read the labels, the sleeping pills that they charge $15 or so for, have the same medicine as the $3.50 antihistamines.
Also, since I started walking again about 6 weeks ago, I'm sleeping better.
Obviously you have never been in this situation before
Even though the agency may guarantee anonymity, it usually isn't too difficult to figure out who "blew the whistle." I have seen people harassed and threatened in similar circumstances. If this were a child who couldn't speak up for himself/herself, I would be calling Social Services in a New York minute. But that is not the case here.
It's up to the people involved to decide what to do. You made a suggestion, I pointed out some of the hazards involved in following your suggestion. Two sides to every story. 'Nuff said.
I have a situation regarding my DH's job...
Long story short, my DH has a 2-hour commute (roughly, depending on Atlanta's traffic) to and from work each day. Now, this is only temporary, as when our DD graduates in May, we're moving out closer to his job.
Last night, he asked me what I thought about him taking an apartment on that side of town for 2-3 days a week, like Tues-Thurs, coming home on Friday-Monday. We have 3 kids, the youngest being 8, who is very, very close to his daddy (the other 2 are 20 and 17, so would probably relish the idea of Dad being gone overnight). Not to mention the fact that I work at home and don't have a lot of contact with the outside world (y'all can feel me, can't ya?).
I guess my question is, am I being selfish to say absolutely NO to this idea, or what? I felt like crying when he brought it up; just the thought of him being away for 2-3 nights a week makes me sad. We have a very close relationship, spend all of our time together when not working, and I just am not sure how to feel about this.
Of note: I am not the least bit worried about him *acting up* while he's away. We have a super-strong marriage and are completely devoted to each other and our family. What would y'all do?
We are definitely in about the same situation
My husband and yours must have been separated at birth! lol They sound just alike concerning their sons. I do think that my hubby feels sorry for his son because him and his mom split. I guess that's why he babies him so much. And his son is so jealous over me. I can't talk to my husband, touch him or anything without his son pouting or trying to get his Dad's attention. I want children of our own but I am afraid that because my stepson is so jealous that if his Dad shows attention to someone else that he would act out and hurt them. He's been hiding things of mine and I know he took 100.00 that was on my desk I had laying out. I searched the house over for it and never found it. He just probably tore it to pieces and threw it in the trash because he thought it was mine since it was on my desk. It's crazy. But thank you for your post. At least I know now I'm not the only one who has had any problems like this.
Wow, I'm in almost the same situation as you.
I have been in contact with my high school sweetheart for the last few years. I now live in a different state. We have both regretted marrying the people we did. We both have 2 children fairly young, but we are hoping we can be together sometime in the future.
Anyone ever been in this situation?
Yesterday, my son went on a field trip with the school to a local amusement park. It was a 1-hour drive. He begged me to take his Nintendo DS. I finally gave in and said only 1 game. I was chaperoning the field trip but was required to drive myself there and could take my son home with me, rather than riding the bus home. When my son realized it was time for the buses to board the kids going back to the school, he said a girl in his class had his DS game (not the unit, just the game). We looked for his class, but they must have already boarded the bus. I told him to make sure he asked her for it first thing the following morning.
When he got to school today, he asked the girl for it. She said she gave it to another one of his friends in their class. That boy said he put it in my son's desk. Then another girl in the class said she found a DS game this morning under her desk and that she gave it to the girl that borrowed it originally. Of course, that girl said that never happened. Now my son has no game. He just got it about a month ago and paid $35 for it out of his own money.
First of all, I have already told my son he will not be taking his DS on the bus anymore, period. I don't care if it's an 8-hour drive both ways. He's not taking it. Here's my dilemma: What do I do about this girl? Do I just let it go? I would really like to call her parents and let her know what she did in the hopes that they will take this opportunity to teach their child about responsibility and courtesy. She asked to borrow my son's game. My son was kind enough to lend it to here. She should have returned it to him directly, not give it to someone to give it someone, etc. I don't know this girl or her parents. I'm not sure how well they'd take my parenting suggestion. I'm not looking for them to replace the game (as much as I think they should, I will not ask that).
I told my son he needs to take responsibility for his carelessness in not getting the game back when they got off the bus. He knew he would not be getting back on the bus and likely would not see the girl the rest of the day. I should mention these are 4th graders, so they should have had some clue here.
Okay, so do I call the parents or just chalk it up to a lesson learned?
Same situation
...except I am a single parent. I have a 10 year old who was arguing with teachers and classmates and fighting almost daily. He also started to be disrespectful at home and when I would send him to his room for punishment, he would kick and throw things around in his room while mumbling under his breath as well as blatently yelling at me.
The second episode of kicking and throwing things, I told him to stop or I would call the police. I was downstairs and eventually heard something break. I was very angry at this point. I ran upstairs to his room (wanted him to hear me running) and I forcfully opened his door (was glad to see that he looked startled). Very angrily, I told him that if I heard one more noise from his room, I would call the police. I told him to clean up the mess from the item he broke. He told me he wasn't going to clean up anything. I called the police.
The police arrived. After I explained to him the long list of problems I had been having with him, the policeman gave him a speech for about 30 minutes...asking him questions along the way to keep him engaged. He said all of the usual things that any adult outsider would say to your kid. This worked for about 3 weeks...then back to the same.
After a terrible morning of him lying about something and being sent to his room for punishment, he started the same throwing, kicking, talking back routine. I politely pulled his suitcase into the hallway. I entered his room and began removing his clothing from his closet and placing them into the suitcase. I told him to go put his dirty clothes in front of the washer so I could wash them. I calmly told him that I was not going to put up with his crap anymore and that I was going to take him to the intake office for foster care. I told him that while he was in foster care I would be inviting his cousins over to enjoy his xbox, model cars, CDs, DVDs, etc. I told him that it was going to be nice having kids around who are respectful and appreciative of my love/affection and other things that I could offer them. He did not say a word. While those clothes were washing, I did not hear a peep out of him. When I put the clothes into the dryer, he said, "I don't want to go to foster care." I told him, sorry...I have no choice....told him I was sick of having a house that was always filled with turmoil. Told hi that since he seems to be unable to control himself and cannot disrespect the mother who works so hard to take care of him and tries so hard to love and support him....he has to go. He says...please don't send me to foster care. I told him I would give him one more chance. I told him that his suitcase would remain packed and that he was to get dressed each day out of that suitcase and that whenever clothes were washed he would place them back into the suitcase.
This happened in April. He is still getting dressed out of that suitcase. You would not believe the difference this has made. He still lies and when he is caught he is sent to his room, but now there is not kicking or throwing things...there is no talking back. He just lies quietly on his bed reading a book or fiddling with one of his little gadgets. After an hour or so (because he is taking his punishment like a normal person should) I tell him that he can now come out of his room if he is willing to apologize for lying and admit that he lied.
Long story short...the packed suitcase has done the trick. He knows that I am serious. He now understands that if he breaks the rules he will be punished. He understands that his behavior while he is being punished has a major impact on the length of his punishment. It is sad that he has to get dressed out of a suitcase, but this has been very effective for us.
My dad was in that situation....
Lung cancer, medication was 3000 a month; trials indicated it worked. He was on it for 6 months, out a lot of money and then guess what, AstraZeneca admitted they manipulated the outcome of the study, the stuff really didn't work at all. He died a few months later (this was 3 years ago). He would have probably lived the same length of time if he hadn't have spent the money. The docs and drug companies are out for themselves, IMHO.
I think about it a lot but different situation (sm)
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.
sorry for your situation. it is a
shame there is so much focus on the gifts. no, i don't have any great suggestions. couldn't help but think of something along the lines of recent (political) emails about spreading the wealth around...(ha!) The only serious suggestion i have is telling them you think the focus this year esp should be on helping the less fortunate, and rather than give gifts this year to each other, that you'd prefer everyone just donate to the charity(ies) of their choice, or instead of saying it as a suggestion,maybe as a statement: this is what you are going to do and hope that they will too (realizing that "charity begins at home"). God bless.
Sorry you are in the same situation
I took her to her doctor and while she was having an x-ray, I spoke with him about my concerns. He said "you know your aunt...I have tried talking to her too but she refuses to listen". She found out I spoke with him and went balistic - that it was none of my business, etc.
We have all tried talking to her about assisted living close to us but she refuses to leave New York and come here to Jersey. She even refused assisted livlng there. She does have someone come in and clean and friends who help her out. She gets angry because I cannot just get up and leave my job to come up all the time. It is a 2.5 hour drive without traffic. Every idea we come up with she refuses so it is not like we have not tried to get the help she needs. My parents are in bad health so it is hard for them to help out and me being the caretaker of everybody without the little help I receive from my brother - I am at a loss. The real issue here is Christmas.
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