Think I was too harsh in my comments to you sm
Posted By: Anonamiss on 2008-10-21
In Reply to: Too bad that you mom believes in sm - mtmomof2
I apologize, I am very raw right now from undeserved treatment by DIL so when I saw your posting title, it bothered me. I love my grandkids so much that I would welcome a list of "rules" if one were presented to me. It's too bad she uses the Bible, I have had this done to me more than once by those who misunderstand the good book and use it as a weapon. I certainly would have a heart-to-heart with her, don't lose your temper, and let it be known that interpretation of the Bible is a very private affair and she should never mention demons, bring a Bible to your home, etc., etc. Give her the option of playing by your rules and an option of her only playing children's games, watching a movie, etc., and keeping her opinions to herself. Give her supervised visiting priviliges and then you're off the hook if she doesn't accept. If she persists, then she truly is in need of psychological help which is not up to you to provide. Give her the choice and if she chooses to keep it up, then you'll have no recourse, little kids don't need this. At least you tried, it's her choice to not adhere to your rules, unfortunately, she's missing out on a lot, I wish she could see how lucky she is to be "talked to" and given options. Good luck with it. Hate the sin and not the sinner. I once had to lay down the law with my sister and the Bible. I have made it clear that I won't tolerate Bible talk, she can come any time but the conversation has to be light, not inappropriate, not religious and no politics. It has worked pretty well, once in awhile she has a slip and has to be reminded but we are talking - no religion, no end-of-the world,no Jesus talk, it takes reinforcing every once in awhile. Good luck with it all, it's stressful.
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So very harsh -
And if the shoe were on the other foot? What if your daughter or granddaughter were raped and you forced them to carry a baby what would remind them every single day of the trauma they suffered.
You may think it murder but it could cost you far far more than you could ever imagine if you forced that decision on your daughter or granddaughter in that situation. Harden your heart a little more because they would never forgive you. Truly, NEVER forgive you.
So harsh.
I think he loves that little girl.
How truly harsh you are
My grandson also comes into bed with his mother, as he has had nightmares and he is a very well-adjusted, very bright young boy, who is cared for and loved a great. He has a great deal of sympathy and compassion for other people and their feelings; in fact, he knows not to say anything cruel or hurtful to anyone, and act with kindness toward others. Perhaps you need to remember that. His very much a boy, and has a great relationship with his parents, and I seriously doubt that he, or the other children mentioned here will have any perversions or be maladjusted in this life. It is people like you that go around calling others sicko that I fear.
harsh
If you are not ready to settle down, then I don't really think that is his fault. 28 is pretty old to be going out all the time. Sorry if that is harsh :)
Wow! That's a little harsh, don't you think?
I disagree with you that
'nothing makes it the woman's fault?'
I don't think so!
Call me old-fashioned, but I, and I think also other people, have in general the tendency to
'condone' if men sidesteps rather than women stepping aside.
I, myself, I would never have something 'on the side', it's against my nature and morals.
A bit harsh. For me, I am Christian, and though I don't
think you should live the way you think is right. In the end, truth will prevail. As a Christian, I will pray for you just as I do others.
I may have been a little harsh in some of my posts
and if so I apologize. I truly do feel bad for you, I have sisters and I know I would be devastated. I hope someday soon you can both put this in the past and make up. I'm sure Thanksgiving may be a bit sad this year for you but I hope you can find some happiness and enjoy the day as best as possible.
Wow! A little harsh, but true :) nm
x
Not to sound harsh here BUT -
Freedom is not free. The military is there to provide a function in our society. It can provide wonderful opportunities for young people, provide them with a good education and training, BUT there is a chance they can be called to go overseas to fulfill a contract they willingly signed. I would let my children go in a second if they chose that route. I am at least 5th generation military myself. Quite honestly, kids these days have a better chance of being killed in a car accident than in combat. Look at the true statistics. You might feel better if you spoke with the recruiter with her. Just my two cents...Best of luck to her! :-)
Harsh punishment but . . .
like you, I don't agree with this sort of behavior at all. But what recourse does the school have? These days, kids communicate widely via the internet. When one child writes something evil or threatening about another child in a blog or sends bullying emails, parents go straight to the school and ask that something be done about it. In the same vein, shouldn't the school do something about their own teachers being bullied? Most schools now address this sort of thing in their parent/student handbooks.
We can leave this up to the parents, but sadly, lots of parents aren't doing their jobs, either monitoring their children's activities online or teaching them appropriate social behavior. In and of itself, this one comment about a teacher isn't so threatening, but the bigger picture can be pretty upsetting.
I have a friend whose teenage children drive me insane. I can barely keep my mouth shut around them. I would love to sit them down and tell them how obnoxious they are. They are profane and will curse in front of adults and then tell us that we're just uptight and "what's the big deal". Many times as I speak to my friend on the phone, her children will start a conversation with mom while she is on the phone to me. That's rude in itself, but the foul-mouthed comments about their teachers, etc., are horrible. Mom does nothing about it, in fact, she joins in with the remarks. In recent months, I hardly talk to my friend on the phone anymore, because these sorts of things were happening nearly every time I speak to her on the phone. That may not be relative to this situation, but it's an example of the kind of "support" that schools get from parents.
I think the school has to have some say over what the kids are doing online with respect to school, but 10 days total suspension is an awful lot.
i didnt mean to come off harsh
i just dont understand and that is simply because i have never been a smoker
I dont think anyone should ever start because it is addictive and I am aware of that, but there are also other ways to quit. i just was saying it doesn't sound like you really care.... which is completely your choice.
It is not harsh, this is justice for all.
The doctor who performed the IVF is as guilty as this woman, maybe even guiltier (more guilty).
They should go - hand in hand - either to jail or to the looney bin.
Children should get adopted or government takes care of them.
Way harsh? Oh come on. We are all adults here.
This is not a out of the blue tragedy. She sat for two months with lousy paychecks coming in. Why? That is her OWN fault. It would have taken one for me to get movin.
What is wrong with saying get up, get moving and get a job? What is the alternative?
There is no good in crying over something you CAN fix. Maybe the OP NEEDS to find strength now and not be babied.
For the love of Pete!
harsh landlord?
If my tenant fails to pay his rent, I cannot make my mortgage payment. Times are tough all around!
I know it is very harsh...the thing is I have asked her so many times (sm)
and the things she says are hurtful to my children. I am not petty and it is not over something small like candy or just having a difference of opinion. The things she says to them really scare and upset them. She let them watch a woman giving birth on TV once when they were very young...I had not explained yet to them exactly how a baby gets out...they were both very upset. She also has told other family members that she believes my husband is a child molester and that he has made my son, who is 11, gay. My husband is not a molester. My son likes girls. He has no idea she ever said that, but if he ever heard that she did, it would probably be very devastating to him. Each time I have sat down and tried to explain to her that we don't expose our children to this or that, and that we don't teach them to believe that there are ghosts or demons after them, she says she is a grown woman and can say whatever she wants to and gets all teary-eyed and wants to cry. Then later she yells at me, "oh, yeah, that's right I'm not supposed to say anything." She kept the kids while I was gone overnight this past weekend and I specifically asked her not to say anything that would scare them. She let my daughter invite a friend to sleep over. She told them all about ghosts and demons and how she once saw a demon in her closet. The girl sleeping over got scared and cried to go home at midnight. My daughter called me on my cell at midnight crying because her friend was scared and going home and she was also scared. At what point do I draw the line?
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
other comments
Your comments are appreciated.
I second those comments!
It is like parents with the loudest, rudest kids think the entire world should put up with them. The parents seem tuned out. How nice for them! The rest of us have to be subjected to their screaming, whining, running around tables, kicking the back of the booth, and even pulling of our hair. If you dare say anything the parents look at you as if you are the devil himself. Bring on the animals any day of the week!
Thanks everyone for your comments (sm)
I am taking your suggestions to heart...he has a way of making me feel like everything is always my fault..I am going to call an abuse hotline as well as AA and just talk to them and see what they think. Thanks again so much.
In appropriate comments from
Taking a poll here...how many say something to their MIL if inappropriate comments are made and how many just let it role off their back no matter how hurtful the comments are? and I don't mean the first time a comment is made, I'm talking about repeated, obvious, and sometimes in front of other people putting you on the spot. and I'm talking about a MIL that lives close and cannot be avoided.
Thank you everyone for your comments sm
It helps a lot to be reminded that I am doing the right thing. I think my tendency is to just want to fix everything but this time I can't.
Looking for inappropriate comments? I don't think so! (sm)
Okay......and thanks for your input. I am the OP and I just want for you to know that I think that your comment was a little on the ignorant side. "I am not soooo appalled." I was a little shocked that he cared so much to go out of his way to make sure I found the right size bra. (He walked away from his job to come over to the checkout counter that I was at and felt the need to ask that, even though I was being checked out by a female clerk that was fully capable of making sure that I found what I needed?) Even the female clerk looked at him and said "What are you talking about?" I told her about the bra I returned to his service desk an hour earlier and she said "He is weird. That is none of his business!"
For the record, I receive male attention frequently and I am not easily offended or overly prudish when comments are made to me. This on the other hand was a bit strange.
My intentions were to ask others if they would consider this question to be inappropriate or not if they had been asked the same question under the same circumstances. I am not playing 'poor victim' here as I consider this a minor incident (yet still inappropriate).
In my opinion, it sounds to me like you don't get many comments offered to you and perhaps you would welcome them if you did? (That's what I get from your comment anyways!)
Exactly, Hayseed. Just look at the comments
on here. I feel sorry for her. People go through things like this all the time in life and do some of the things she has done, but they don't have to read about it in the paper the next morning. I think she needs some help and her family really needs to step in. I read an article that the guy she was seeing last said she would curl into a ball after they had s** and would say, why can't they just leave me alone. It's really sad. I don't think she is a bad person, but that she needs help. She's obviously crying out for help and is going through a lot right now. Everyone on here that has been divorced, just imagine everything about your divorce being front page...it's already painful enough without all that. People are cut throat.
You got me!! Even with the comments below, I didnt get it.
x
Thanks all for the nice comments. Yes
Hayseed, he is a boxer. His name is Dempsey. He is the only thing keeping me sane lately LOL.
smart comments
Me, too. Makes me want to jump in and blast them back! No reason for it.
HA HA HA - loved your comments
Perfect...lmao here....I'm going to cut you off, I hope you believe that. HA HA HA....too funny. I can tell you've got a great sense of humor and also a wonderful outlook on life.
Not sure how to take your comments at this point but (sm)
I don't think I am amazing in any way. I think I had no other choice than to leave and I will probably live the rest of my life on a wing and a prayer.
I didn't see your comments before sm
but it is a subject that has been driving me nuts for several years. I am trying to figure out what happened to decency!
i have already addressed this. they blow those comments off
this was a TEACHER.
I guess I could have stated my comments
a little more detail. Both MIL and DIL like to cook. We always have a wonderful Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner. I guess I was just raised in a family that we had family traveling in to visit, we would do just a little extra. BTW, we actucally have a joint Pizza Hut and KFC restaurant. We call it the Cluck and Hut. That is why I suggested KFC. Doesn't matter now, I got butchered at the beauty shop last night and have been crying ever since. I am not leaving the house for at least 2 weeks.
Where are the nasty comments. just some very strong
opinions that happen to not agree with your opinion. I thought we were all just discussing. So what if someone doesn't agree with my opinion, that's fine. We are all entitled to our opinion and we just have to agree to disagree. Please don't take this so personally. I don't think any of it was aimed at you. 
He has made a lot of comments about my weight (sm)
so I have been to self-conscious to be with him. But if he is using my undies doesn't that mean he wants me? Or not? I'm confused.
Any comments from DWTS fans?
I missed a bit of yesterday's Dancing with the Stars finale show, but looks like Helio and Julianne overall had the strongest performance.
What happened to Mel and Maks' freestyle? They were like kinda deflated or something.
IMO, Marie and Jonathan usually come up with pleasant surprises, but last night's freestyle was a real puzzler - I am not sure why Jonathan would agree to choreograph such a cutesy (yawn) routine when the competition is so fast and fierce. Marie was a bit too vocal with the judges...after all, they are the "experts."
I can't even deal with these comments. Thx for your concern.
:
I'm giving up negative comments
I'm going to let only positive comments pass my lips, otherwise I will stay quiet. Believe me, the Lord knows what a sacrifice this will be for me.
Her web site asks for comments so
I left her some, none probably she would have liked, but what I and others just like me are thinking. I said, no job, no income, 6 other kids, no real housing of your own, food stamps, why bring 8 more into this world. What were you thinking?
I like Navy. I have had nice comments when I wear it. nm
nm
I'm originally from NJ, and I've endured a lot of comments.
If one more person asks me, "Which exit?" I might run him/her over!
And yes, when I was growing up, it was indeed the Garden State. I grew up running through tomato fields and along corn rows. It was wonderful!
question about rude comments regarding child with dyslexia. sm
my 11-yo DD was spending the night with her friend. she has dyslexia and has ever since diagnosed in 2nd grade. she struggles quite a bit in school. this year she didn't pass the 5th grade because she didn't pass her TAKS test in math (state required to be promoted). i picked her up today from the friend's house and she says so and so's dad told her she was "lazy" because she didn't pass the TAKS test. of course, his daughter is a straight A student without help and is an only child. i am furious at this!! am i wrong to feel furious and how to i address to him that he needs to be cautious as to how he words things and says things to little kids with disabilities? it is enough that they get ridicled and belittled by their fellow students, much less their parents!! i know this will only be the beginning of what she will have to endure as school starts back. i wanted to march right over there and give him a piece of my mind immediately, but thought i would calm down first and see what great ideas you bright ladies have to share so i don't regret blowing off my steam in the wrong way. HELP! never had a child held back before so i know it will be a challenge to get through this for her. 
I read all the comments and I agree with the poster who wrote
'One has to teach people how to treat you' and one has to tell people what is imoportant to oneself.
It is inexcusable not to call or meet one's mother for mother's day and Christmas, etc.....
Anyone that has a GE washer top load that has any comments on GE versus Whirlpool top load. nm
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