There are 6 of us, 3 boys and 3 girls, some of us are even step
Posted By: to each other, though that word is never use.-sm on 2007-11-11
In Reply to: Does anyone else HATE their sister like I do? nm - mtbt
We all get along fairly well actually, its some of the sistes-in-law and brothers-in-law that we cannot stand ! LOL. Thankfully, (not to be mean), but everyone, except 1 is divorced from the ones we couldnt stand and now they have found others that we get along with. My one brother is still single after his divorce.
We used to kid around "what is wrong with so-and-so? - Oh yeah, they are not like us!!"
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Us girls need WAY more discipline than boys!
If you don't keep us in line when we're young and impressionable....whoo boy look out!
I'm watching how my nieces are turning out now that they are in their teens and I'm just floored. The one, who is not even 16 now, has been sleeping with her boyfriend, IN HER PARENTS HOME WITH THEIR FULL CONSENT, for the past 2 years now. I ask my brother all the time, "What are you thinking...wait, don't answer that, you're not!" He just shakes his head and tries to explain to me that, because I'm not a parent, I could never understand and he'd rather have them "doing it" in the safety of their home. Can you imagine?!
Our mother would be slapping him into the next millenium if she were alive today. She certainly didn't raise us like that.
4 girls, 2 boys in my family. sm
Although,I am the youngest of the 6, my older sisters have lots of resentment towards my mother. The only advice or suggestion I can give is to live your life and tell mom to butt out. It may be uncomfortable to say; however, it must be done.
Do not feel guilty, do not feel bad, turn the phone off and do not take the calls for a while. Most likely, the mother will never learn and will ruin all relationships with her daughters if she does not stop. I have seen it happen and it has happened in my family. They don't change and they never think or admit they are wrong, let alone apologize.
Sometimes, as hard as it is, you need to take your space and stay away for a while.
Talking to her does not help, she won't listen, especially if she is older than 65.
Anyway, that's how I see things.
Which are easier to raise -- boys or girls?
I was always told boys. I had 2 girls and uff-dah what a hormonal nightmare. Now I have a teenage boy and those hormones are at least as bad. Prolly worse.
Exactly . . . pedophiles prey on girls and boys, but
xx
If enough boys show up, the girls will follow...sm
but if he is still worried about her screwing it up for him, maybe there is a game or some other event he and some friends can be taken to? This was discussed here a long time ago, but when I was a kid, my dad took some of my friends and me to a Phillies game for my B-day. It still makes me smile after all these years.
Did you read the figures of boys to girls amongst the kids? sm
There must be about 15 or 20 female children for every male child. There is NO WAY that is NOT scewed by something. Are they murdering male children? Are they casting them out of the sect? Are they forcing adoptions of male children born to the sect, outside of the sect? Is it that they "need" more females so that they can grow up to be polygamist wives?
SOMETHING is going on there.
FBI would not step-in sm
without justifiable cause, you wouldn't think... oh the gossip..... I worked with a lady that her husband was molesting the grandchildren, and he served like 20 years. She was in denial, and when he got out she took him back, and there were more grandchildren by then. What a world we live in! 
yes, that is my (our)next step.
we have 14 little kids from ages 5 to 9 in 6 different houses on my street. (2 are mine). when we bought this house 6 years ago, right before my second child was born, we were the only family with kids....this has become too too too much.
It's a serious step, but.... (sm)
if you are firmly committed to the animal it's sometimes for the best for peaceful coexistence. I had to have my first cat declawed at my mother's insistence (I still lived at home). I took a day off work and babied him as he recovered from this major surgery. After I was married, our second cat we had to have done because she couldn't understand why the other cat could scratch everything and she couldn't! I couldn't get her to stick with the scratching post, of course! We had those two for many years and after the first one died, we got a kitten, and since the second cat was never much of a "scratcher," he was easier to train and is intact. The second cat later passed away of old age and we adopted an older cat who seems to like my couch, but given that he is an escape artist, I've decided I have to live with it in case he gets out.
Another option is those little rubber caps that they have in the pet store that glue onto the claws; sometimes they can buy you some time while you work on training.
Good luck!
Step up
You need to step up here and be the parent. . Tell your husband. . Do not let your child bully/scare you into allowing her to continue this behavior. . Make her stick to your rules.. When she is staying with approved friends, call the parents and make sure she is there. . Where would she go if she left home? I doubt there is anywhere else she would be treated as well or have things as nice as she does in her own home with her loving parents. . She is a smart girl and will realize that - she is just playing you.. It is your duty to raise her in the way YOU konw is right.
Or if you step on a crack
you break your mother's back. To this day I have an OCD thing where I can't step on cracks. I wonder if this is why.
Well you just described my Step-mom, even though I love her. nm
!
To: Think you should step back sm
Nah, you are not worth a reply! You get back what you put in... nothing!!!! Zilch - Hey, next time step up -- leave a REAL NAME!!! Coward!
HA! Me too. My son is using my step machine
!
She has a step-father who can be
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
Well, Step-One: Get it appraised by an outside
on TODAY's market, which in most areas is anywhere from 40%-50% lower than it would've appraised for 3 years ago, when home values were obscenely inflated.
Then see about the loan at the current appraisal rate, NOT what it was worth 3 years ago. Maybe you'll have better luck that way.
Friend or not, I would shy away from having the house appraised by someone who is a friend of the current owner's. That would be a conflict of interest that's better steered clear of.
Good luck!
Personally, I do not see this as a step backwards--sm
as MOST of the women seeking abortion are children themselves and only want to rid themselves of a situation they created, being oblivious and not wanting to face any consequences of..getting pregnant. In other words, they want to be able to have sex without paying any price for that, i.e. having a baby. A lot of these *children* seeking abortion should be made to see that what they are seeking to terminate is human life and if that child were born, it would be considered murder. This human life is not a *tumor* or *cyst* that must be excised to save ones own life, but is a human life all its own. Viewing an ultrasound of that baby prior to having an abortion may deter some *children* from going through with that procedure. Other than the *forcing* aspect of it, I really think it would eliminate a lot of needless abortions. More strenuous parental control on these *children* having sex in the first place would be a better alternative. JMO
Still, one needs to step back and be objective
This kid came to the US at age 8, probably not speaking English. His parents probably did not speak English, so he has to learn English at school. He was no surrounding by a Korean community. He was put in the middle of an English speaking neighborhood. Info coming out about his parents certainly seem that they were also loaners, so to speak, without a support system. Can you just imagine what this kid felt? If his parents have no real friends, they speak Korean, he is supposed to speak English and he, according to others, had no real friends, never socialized. So, before someone says this had nothing to do with where he came from, we have to think in this case it may had.
When a child that age is taken from his community (and he does have friends at that point), without a good support system around him, they do not flourish. The kids that had to be uprooted at that age with hurricane Katrina found themselves in other schools, other communities, no one they know. My daughter taught several of those children and I can say that they really do have resentment, bitterness, withdrawn, scared, isolated, and it comes out. Many of their parents are not coping, so how do they cope? This kid went all through school not fittng in. With that hateful play of a child killing his stepfather, I can't help but wonder if he lived with his father or stepfather, and if he didn't feel all these things after being taken from his homeland. He lived in an affluent area, which is far different than he lived in. If he never fit in, and not knowing his home life, one could open their minds to how he finally cracked.
Your husband needs to step up to the plate, no one else can do it!!
He needs to do it at the next opportunity. You teach people how to treat you. His silence speaks volumes to them. I feel for you. Went through something a little like this with my MIL for YEARS. She had nothing against me, just the fact that her dear son had married anyone. He finally told her to watch what she said to me or to anyone else about me because word was getting back to me or he would have no contact with her. She turned overnight into the best friend I have ever had. I have never heard her saying another bad word about me. Your husband needs to put these people on *notice* and NOW. Best of luck to you.
How wonderful to know someone like your step-uncle!
Have a great weekend with your family!
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
x
Why a mini-strike? Keep it up and they will step up
x
Mine is to step away from the table....LOL!
nm
My step-mother was with my little brother
He was from her first marriage but my dad adopted him when he was 5. It didn't really get bad until he started junior high. She went to the shcool every year and sat down with the guidance counselor and made up his schedule. She did this all the way through high school. When he started college she wanted to go with him to sign up for his classes. I told her how embarrassing that would be for him but she said other people would just think she is an older student waiting to register. Since he was going to a local college and there would definitely be several people there that knew him as well as her we were able to talk him out of it. When he started medical school she went with him to find an apartment. Upon return she described the furnished apartment to me to a T, although she couldn't remember my dog's name LOL!. Needless to say his first wife didn't like her....but we didn't like the wife either. He current wife doesn't like her either but at the same time both times my brother married very controlling women, just like his mom. I will say this, she has gotten much much better. Thank goodness, he is now 34 and lives 8 hours away.
Step-grandchildren advice anyone?
My son and DIL have dated since my step-granddaughter was 6 months old. They would be together, break up, get back together....you get the picture. Whenever they would break up, DIL would come and get any pictures I had of my step-granddaughter because "I would just throw them away." I have completely stayed out of the situation between my son and DIL because I knew they would be back together in a couple of weeks. At first, I was VERY attached to my now step-granddaughter. I have evidently built up a wall now and I am having a very hard time being a "real" grandma to her. I feel so guilty about this but just can't seem to become attached to her. I guess I've built up some walls in fear that she will be taken away again like she had been so many times before. I know it isn't her fault. By the way, she is 8 now and they have been married for 4 years. Anyhow, they are trying to have a baby and I am so excited...but feel horribly guilty because of it. I just know in my heart that this baby will always be my grandchild. By the way, DIL's parents are divorced and they all spoil my granddaughter like it is a competition. She has every toy imaginable. I guess my question is, how do I get over it and really be a grandma to her?
Am I the Wicked Step-Mother?
I know I don't post here much but I do read and feel you are all friends. I offer prayers for those that request them and feel for those with troubles.
I would like to know what you think about my latest dilemma. I came home from town today to find a phone call from my step-daughter, age 43. She has my cell phone number but for some reason she won't call me on it. Anyway I called her back and as usual she wants money, $500. I have lent her money in the past with the promise to pay back but it never happens. I know they say if you lend money to family consider it a gift and I have. I said "no" this time and now I feel terrible. She started out by saying she had a medical bill to pay and then turned it around to a DUI fine that has to be paid by Jan. 1. She got picked up in August for a tail light out and had been drinking with co-workers. Her story. I was advised by the court not to help her so that was part of the reason I said "no". She works two part-time waitressing jobs. She's divorced and no kids. She said she would pay me back $100 a month. If that is true why couldn't she have saved $100 a month and had the money to pay the fine? She called me a few weeks ago and I know she wanted money then but she didn't come right out and ask until today.
Thanks for listening, I appreciate it.
My youngest step son was killed ........ sm
in a motorcycle accident and was almost decapitated. The mortician did a very good job with him, but there was still some evidence of the trauma he suffered. His mother chose to have an open casket because I doubt she could have dealt with it any other way. It was a very hard funeral, and hard for me as I had not seen him in quite some time and it was hard seeing him lying in a casket, but I think, hard as it was, it did help bring closure for me and for his family. I think it is a very personal decision that only the family can make at a time like this.
We're out-of-step, I think. Tree up just before Christmas.
I grew up in a large Italian immigrant community many years ago. (Not telling exactly HOW many years! :)
I loved the old customs, and that's what I stick to. In the "old country" it was about the nativity display in the house, not so much the tree. But we did have a tree that went up usually on Christmas Eve, and it came down on "Little Christmas", in January, on the Feast of the Epiphany. Leading up to Christmas, we celebrate advent and keep an advent wreath on the main table and light candles each night. We still get a real tree, and we put it up just a few days before Christmas, but it stays bare until Christmas Eve. On that night, we have a big meal which includes seven seafood dishes, then decorate the tree, go to church, and come back and eat some more. I love the food!
Sometimes it's really hard to put everything off, because it just seems that decorations go up right after Thanksgiving, and come down the day after Christmas (which is my birthday, by the way.) But I like doing just what I did with my family when I was growing up.
Congratulations! Brave step you took! Best wishes (nm)
x
I totally agree with Ship. I used to be a step-mom...
My situation was much different, though.
I think you guys need to talk and your husband needs to get his head out of his butt and let you be a step-mom to your step-son, i.e., allow discipline for one thing. I'm not saying beat the kid bloody, of course, but if you can't tell him no or make him do something, that's ridiculous.
Sounds like your husband has big issues and I know how some men are about therapy or changing in any way. Being a step-mother is NOT easy but if you want it to work and think you can make it work, steps need to be taken; this won't go away and you can't just *tolerate* having your step-son there and only being happy with your husband when step-son is not there. Much, much good luck to you.
My feeling is if you step outside the border, you're
I don't want my tax dollars spent in some rescue or investigation because you went to a country you didn't have to and that was deemed dangerous.
Why would you even ask here? Why not contact the State Department about it?
Yes, innocent tourists are killed. Are they prime targets? Haven't been in the past but in order to get ahead, put nothing past them.
I just don't see spending money to rescue anyone or trying to investigate a disappearance, etc. We have enough problems here. You're on your own.
Electrical current through foot, the other hangs in walking midway through a step, anyone else?
have this problem? I have been to numerous physicians, have been told neuropathy. I am walking so gingerly this morning around the home because know if I step flat on 1 foot (left) it will have the electrical current as happened earlier this morning. Always when walking, never with lying, sitting, etc. You never know when it will happen. The other foot (pedal foot, right) will hang in mid air sometimes when I am taking a step which makes me hop so I will not fall. Gosh, I would love to look forward to my vacation this summer but sometimes the feet ok and then other times not so good. I know the electrical current is probably nerve related but have been told so many nerves in the foot would be like looking for needle in haystack to trace down. I mostly only wear bergies and put them on as soon as I get out of bed. This is not good!!
Definitely boys for me.
nm
23 and 24 with my boys...sm
I used to be able to climb trees and did the iron kids triathelon with them....
My sister had her child at 42....the only girl outta 7 grandchildren....guess who's grandma's princess? 
oh boys
will be boys!
boys
My son is 15 and I cannot tell you how many interviews and interrogations we have had to go through. Every time he has been on a date the parents want to meet us and see our house, etc. I has been a flipping nightmare, especially since these little flings last about a week and are over after the dance! In my humble opinion, find her something else to do. That is what I have had to do with my son. I just can't take the pain anymore. Join some super busy, mega overly scheduled adult supervised something! Shoo, shoo, mama is working!
I don't think so. I have 2 boys. They have
proven that circumcision can be beneficial for several reasons, not to mention it is more hygienic. I was conflicted with my first son because my OB/GYN was against it. She was African-American and I don't know if it was a cultural thing or what. She did do my son, but she didn't take enough off, it wasn't her decision to make. My second son I didn't hesitate.
My mom said that at 8 days she took my brothers to be circumcised - based on the Bible.
I can't see how it would be called abuse. I think it is personal choice. I can't tell you how many reports I've done on men over 50 who have had problems and have had to be circumcised.
Two boys
I have 2 boys; 24 and 19. The older one moved away to college, the school dropped his program after 2 years, so he floundered and moved back home. After 6 months told him get a job, pay his bills, go to school or get out. He went to work FT and paid all his own bills, moved out for a few months with some guys (who did not pay their share of the rent) and then moved back home, went back to college, has made the honor roll for the last year while working, just started in 2009 charging him room and board as he is after all 24. Other son 19, almost lost him to bad decisions and bad friends at 14-15 but is on the right track now; in college and working PT, pays his bills. He goes to the community college, looking into a 2+2 program, told him to go away for the last 2 years as he will get the experience of being on his own without being totally on his own. He has a serious girlfriend. I am more worried about those 2 getting an apartment together first and then him not finishing school. Older son is working on buying a house within 18 months and younger son will live with him (if not with girlfriend first.) I have to say I'm looking forward to an empty nest.
While I don't have boys but -sm
two young girls, 9 and 10, for years I would cover for my DH, get the card, mail it to his mom, make him call her on Mother's Day (remind him 50x)....For years when my kids were babies I would get nothing from him, because as he would say, I was not his mother. Well what about those two squirmy kids of ours, I am their mother. I told him he needed to help them and get a card from them to give to me, or help them make me a card, whatever that did not matter. (I have always made sure he got something from the kids on Father's day). The kids have been able to be the ones to remind him now for the last few years about special days, Mother's Day and my birthday which is great. I don't want much, just a card and Happy B or Mom day, just acknowledgement basically. He had some sort of epiphany a year or two ago and now sends his mom flowers every Mom Day and at Christmas, think this was the 3rd one in a row(guilt and belief they are dying coming to bear now, MIL is 74 but doing quite well), still did not send her a card though, figured the card with the flowers was enough. I made him go out an buy the card (instead of me coving his butt as usual). We all signed it and he mailed it. I never missed with my mom and did something every year until she died. She kept ever one of my cards too, found them after she died. ---I would still send your son a card on his birthday but leave the money out, betcha that will grab his attention. ----My DH doesn't remember anyone's birthday, he forgot mine a few times which stunk. I take care of getting the cards, mailing them, etc., though refuse to do Mom day anymore, I still have to nag at him to call his mom, dad on their birthdays, etc. Some guys are just lazy and don't want to be bothered with it.
Two boys.
I have 2 boys and enjoy them immensely. The oldest drives me nuts with some of the decisions he makes. He is funny, easy going, lots of friends and just doesn't take life too seriously.
My youngest is 17. He is very smart, has big plans for college and career (he says, you don't have to understand what it is mom, you just have to pay for it). My regret is that I wish I'd had more kids. I would take a whole house full of boys. So much fun!!
I raised 2 boys on my own.
Maybe some of these techniques that assisted me can do the same for you:
1) Literally write down a list of rules that you want observed in your home. Not what you think you can get him to do but what you actually WANT. Make copies for his bedroom, for the refrigerator, for his billfold, for every room you can. (I printed mine off and framed them in certificate frames and hung them up. Be specific. Cover all areas.)
2) Literally write down behaviors and language you are not going to tolerate and rank them.
2) Literally write down a list of everything that is important to this youngster. Include friends (by name), electronics (iPod, computer, etc.), privileges (telephone, friends coming over, going out, driving), and places he enjoys going (movies, sports events, eating establishments, etc.). Rank these in order of importance to him.
3) If possible, have your husband (separated, correct?) to meet with you first and agree and provide a united front. Agree on what you expect of him as his parents, what is best for his wellbeing. Write down how you will construct discipline and dispense punishment. Make it appropriate, reasonable and, above all, something you will actually do.
5) Have a meeting with your son (and your husband, if he is onboard with you). Give your son a copy of the new rules, the discipline tactics, the unacceptable behaviors and the punishments. Go over each one of them. Don't argue. Don't explain too much. The lists are clear. Everything has a yes/no as to its use and everything has an if with it as well.
Here's the hardest part: Do what you say. If his language is offensive, he can't talk on the phone. Period. No exceptions, period. Even if you have to unplug it and keep the cord in your pocket. Never argue; never raise your voice. Just calmly make your statement and leave it alone. The more he carries on, the more trouble he will incur. Let him handle the stress of it. If you protect him from the consequences of his actions, he will never, ever change and never learn. (Warning: His behavior WILL get worse before it gets better and then it will wax/wane on occasion just to test the waters.)
Stay with him after school in his tutoring. I showed at school one day in high school for my oldest. One day for 2 classes and that was all it ever took. Made the difference with my youngest, too! Neither one wanted me showing up and sitting next to him in class! Be there but let the teacher do the tutoring. Just be there to enforce his attendance and understand what is happening in the sessions.
Praise good/changed behavior but do not reward it. If it is behavior you are wanting to be an expected behavior, praise it, acknowledge it. Reward exceptional behavior that goes beyond what you have set rules for.
Make sure he is involved in his own caretaking: Laundry, specific chores (no pay -- no ma'am, do not pay any child to contribute to their household), help cook one night a week, yard work, etc.
Be watchful of his music, TV watching, movie going. These can have just as devastating of an impact on him as his so-called friends. Make sure you know who his friends' parents are, what they do; do you agree with how they live? How these friends act? If not, restrict his activities with them.
Get him involved in some type of sport he enjoys and into a youth group if at all possible. It is important.
I hope these tips will help you as much as they did me.
my boys are warriors
Both have been deployed at one time or another to Iraq. One is there now. The other boy told me that he had gone to the funeral of one of his brave friends who had been killed. Those horrible people were there from Kansas, but the Harley people were there also, 200 to 300 of them, each holding a flag, protecting the family of the soldier from the disgusting behavior of that supposed church. Made chills go up and down my spine. Can you imagine that many flags in one place being used to protect a family! GO HARLEY WARRIORS!
boys or girl
I have 2 of each (yes 4 in all) and I would defitenly say boys right now. My kids are still young so may be my mind will change with age!
huh? boys much easier? NOT...NM
Boys do go through stages.
On the other hand, depression can come out as anger.
I think mothers are supposed to help their kids understand their feelings and talk to them, but it can be difficult to get boys to express themselves.
It's think it's a normal stage to go through for boys to just be annoyed by girls because girls are so talkative and different, sometimes dating-obsessed or gossip-obsessed or whatever, and for a boy it's annoying.
Maybe he doesn't enjoy competing with a girl who is older.
I think he would rather spend time with boys right now, but boys need something to do together so they stay out of trouble.
But he needs to realize that he doesn't really hate girls. He just doesn't enjoy the different developmental stages they go through. And your daughter might benefit from knowing how males' brains work - that guys don't admire girls who are obsessed about stuff they think is silly.
Just some thoughts. Parenting is hard, but respect for siblings should be taught, and some space from each other can go a long way.
That's for sure and something I hear over and over. Boys
s
To me it always seems to be harder on the boys (sm)
My husband are like that - oil and water for sure. We just can hardly stand to live together anymore. We have been trying to stay together for the kids for years.
How did affect you and your sister?? Would it have been better if they had stayed together or was it just a bad situation either way? I feel like I am choosing the lesser of the evils.
My boys had to pay me twice as much as their tickets sm
If the ticket was 50.00, they had to pay me 100.00, too. No ifs, ands or buts. Didn't have to take away the keys. This worked every time. They are all good drivers now. None of the speed.
The first of my new boys has arrived. (sm)
Introducing Teddy! He's a Schipperke mix, only about 20 lb. He has a tail, which is very cute and curled, but he's hiding it. I'm new at photographing black dogs, but I think it turned out okay for a first try. He's already had a bath and flea treatment with Frontline Plus, because we're in the South and he had fleas.
Here is a picture of our 3 boys - SM
Max, Scooter, and Bailey
For those of you with teenage boys
I just wanted to share this. Yesterday my 16 yo son said to me, "Mom we should make some Christmas cookies." My older 2 aren't home from college yet so it is just he and I. I bought all the colored sugars, we put on Xmas music and he helped me make the dough, cut out the cookies and decorate them. I share this only because if you have a teenage son you know this is highly unusual when what they really want is to hang out with their friends and play loud music and talk about girls! It really touched me that we had this special time together. I am blessed to have him for a son. 
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