The end of a friendship
Posted By: Chavera on 2008-07-01
In Reply to: Need to vent sm - MT
My girlfriend came over one day and was chatting with me on the sofa. I had just gotten home from the hospital from having a hysterectomy and she came to pick me up to go see another friend of hers who was in the hospital having just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer (I couldn't drive yet).
My 2 dogs started scuffling over a bone and my friend got an extremely tiny, a little larger than a pin prick mark on the back of her ankle (either from one of the dog's teeth or a sharp end of the bone, hard to tell). I gave her antiseptic wash, a bandage, said I was sorry and thought that was the end of it. We went to visit our friend.
Awhile later, I answered the door to be served with a summons. We were being sued by my friend. I want you to know that this "bite" did not even bleed.
She had a tattoo right in the area and when she took pictures of the "bite" for her attorney, it was very, very hard to see a mark at all.
So, anyway, by the time it went to court (and here is a very ironic thing, the day my husband and I got up and ready to go to court, my sweet Barney, my Schnauzer, died).
Well, between pictures of the injury and her poor performance on the stand (oh God it was unbelievable the way she tried to beef up the whole story), the jury came back with a guilty plea for us. They had to, because our dog or the bone did bite her.
They awarded her the amount her insurance did not cover and I believe 1 or 2 missed days from work. It came to about $1,500. We saw her in the parking lot when we left, she was crying. She was expecting the big payday and it didn't happen.
However, the 10 year friendship did end. We were Girl Scout leaders together for most of those years, our daughters were best friends, but I could never want to be friends with someone who would do such a thing and consider it "well, after all, the insurance will pay".
So be careful what you are expecting. Expect the whole thing to take a long time to get to court and the results to be perhaps less than you expect. Now, maybe your daughter is significantly scarred by the dog bite. I don't know and don't want to offend you with my story. Also, hopefully you have pictures that you took right away when it happened. You will probably need them. Plus you will have to be able to find a lawyer who will take it to court for you. My ex-friend's lawyer was about as inept as could be. I almost felt sorry for her.
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I think the friendship indeed is still there... but
That is all there is to it. I am sure in her heart your friend loves you as much as you love her. It is just that, unfortunately in my experience, it is difficult to keep a friendship life-long to the same degree it was when you knew each other and lived closeby. The same thing happened to me and my best friend. We were BFF through first grade until after high school. I lost touch, but eventually visited her at an event after college, but we barely talked. I thought after we did not have the same friendship anymore, or she did not feel the way I did as in BFF. But, looking back, I realized we just grew apart and grew up. I still think of her often, and we have indeed lost touch, but I know to each other we will always be each other's best friend in memory and in our heart.
Just let go a little bit and please don't blame her or you. Please don't dwell on if you gave each other material items or not or if she did not think enough to give you something up to your expectations.
The fact is you have given each other something priceless, a memory in your heart and mind which will last forever and you can't put a price on that. If she is moving away in life, or by the things she does, please don't feel bad. It is not you. It is life. Enjoy the fact that you have not lost touch. And even if you do, after you let go of any expectations, still continue to love her as you always have. Because you and she I am sure will always have what you had and nothing can change that. Now go and enjoy your baby, and your marriage and your life, and keep your feelings the same tucked away in your heart. Don't let time moving on ever ruin that! Just my 2c. All the best to you!
Need some advice on an old friendship --
I got divorced 7 years ago. Started out as a "friendly" divorce and then I started dating a man that my ex did not like (because he is black) and we quit speaking at all. Then, one of my very good friends started backing off from the friendship and I thought it was because I was openly dating a black man. Well, 4 months later, I heard that she was dating my exhusband. I called her and asked her about it and of course she denied it, could not believe I accused her of that, she would never do that to me..... on and on and on. To make a long story short, of course 2 months later I found out it was true, they had bee seeing each other for about 6 or 7 months.
Anyway, during that time period after I knew that they were together but before they broke up, I would call her occasionally if I needed information on my son (who lived with his dad and would not speak to me at that time becaue of brainwashing) and we stayed friendly on the phone, felt like old times, etc.
Then they broke up and now occasionally I get the urge to call her or she will call me for something, and it is like nothing ever happened. We laugh and cut up and it's all good. I have some thoughts though about when it really started, before we were even divorcing or during the divorce, and then sometimes I get really mad because she lied to me in the first place and let me keep trying to have a friendship, and then sometimes I miss her and think it does not matter because we were divorced and he was free and I definitely did not want him back.
My problem is what to do? Forgive her and forget her... forgive her and be friends again... ask her the questions I need answers to and then decide whether to be friends??? And the other big problem is my new husband gets very upset every time I even speak to her because she did that to me when she was my friend and he says you never go behind friends to their love interests.
Advice please....
Was not suggesting donning the cap of friendship
rather here, on the forum. I agree with everything you said, but fact remains that if Suzane wants to find her lost husband, she may want to try looking in all the places. She probably won't find him behind a closed door in the bedroom.
I do not think that the OP was referring to this kind of friendship
because the OP put the focus on 'very' close relationship, so it implies something more and slightly different.
My aunts always made friendship bread.
Not sure exactly, but they would get a "start" from someone and always had a little left to use to mix up the next loaf, so on and so on.
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