Thank you so much for you reply. That sounds

• Need to set up a budget for my 22-year-old DD. - Is there a formula for entertainment expenses-sm
  • This is what I did with my 19yo dd. sm - Sheila
    • Sheila has it right and in addition...sm - Consumer guru
    • Thank you so much for you reply. That sounds - easy and I think it will work for my DD. OP
  • Our kids got their own credit/debit cards when they hit 18 and got jobs. Their success or lack of - it with $$ is now up to them. Works! nm
  • Yes. The formula is you say, "You have X amount for - entertainment" and don't give her more!
    • I didnt really want parenting advice. You dont know - me or my DD and her issues- I just
      • hey, don't go. SM - re formula
      • What I'm saying is the "formula" is what you make it. - No one knows your budget.
  • Think it is a little late in the game - Jenna
    • I agree, not attacking the OP at all, but - Shannon
      • But like she said - Margaret
        • Thank you so much - some of us are quick to judge and offer - advice that wasnt asked for - OP-sm
          • No, cannot figure it out - Jenna

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When my children were teenagers they did not drive at all.  Even tho I worked full time, I took then where they needed to go & picked up to return home.  Explained to them that if I could not take then, they did not need to go.  This included the prom....No discussion, no argument.  They understood that I am their parent, not a friend & besides, I was not going to pay insurance for teenagers.  My youngest twins graduated in 1986 and after their freshman year in college (no car) I had them take defensive driving.  They purchased their own vehicles.  The year they graduated high school, several schools in the surrounding communities lost, if I remember, around 10-12 teenagers in car accidents......The twins I am referring to are now 36 years old.

OK--number one, since no one knows me, you don't know that I am interfering, or will ever interfere, just came here to "vent," since this board is anonymous.  Have been nothing but supportive of my daughter and kept my feelings about the ex to myself--never say anything critical to my granddaughter.  Number two, Emily DID get an Easter basket from her mother--just not a huge one crammed with candy, toys, and unnecessary cr**.  My former son-in-law needs to pay his back child support before he buys this type of thing.  Number three, my GD's father is the one who has always spoiled her, and my daughter has HAD to be the disciplinarian and "heavy."  Finally, for those who said to be more conscientious with dental care, my daughter, who is self-employed, had to beg him to carry dental insurance with his company after Emily was born--he said it was "unnecessary," since he has false teeth and would never benefit from it personally.  This is the kind of father he was/is. 

Thank you to all who offered kind advice and sympathy.

I understand that it is a poor state.  It also has no state income tax.  I've done as much research as possible for discovery, but I certainly appreciate any and all input.  I'm told it's very beautiful.  He wanted to go where he could do cross-country skiing, etc.

While all divorces are different, if I mentioned his last name it would stand out big-time.  He comes from money, but has never been materialistic (but I was fortunate to have the same situation)..  I know he's a saver big-time, so that's my aim.  His mother bought a house for him for $130K, which he admitted.  It's not revenge, either. I wish him the best.  Like Donald Trump says, "It's nothing personal, it's just business."  Oh, survival, too!

The irony is that both our families are just about identical. My brother is paying for my $300 per hour lawyer.  Full disclosure here... 

Thanks for taking time to provide your 2 cents, when you could have been making huge bucks from the Q!

but it only comes from the fact that I'm there -- I know all about these things because I'm doing them.  I don't resent doing these things for my children.  The OP hit a real nerve with me because my parents are always on me about how we raise our kids.  We're just never good enough in their eyes, but they forget what they were like as parents.  My mom worked nights.  She wasn't there for me a lot of times when I felt I needed her.  She got home late from work (1 or 2 in the morning) and got up to get us kids off to school and then went back to sleep for a few hours in the morning.  All the while, my 4-year-old brother was home with her watching TV.  He knew to wake her up after a certain show was over, so she could get him lunch.  My mom was never a heavy sleeper, so I'm sure if he'd have gotten into something she would have known, but still.  My dad coached my brother's sports, but he also berated him at home for not being good enough.  My mom yelled at me one day because I brought McD's for the kids when I knew I wouldn't have time to make supper because of an appointment out of town.  It was 4:45, and she thought it was awful that I didn't have supper on the table by 4:00 and that I was giving them McD's.  My mom worked at McD's when I was growing up.  Many of nights, she gave us a frozen pizza for supper before heading to work and then brought us home leftover chicken nuggets and apple pies.  We lived for that stuff, but here she was berating me for giving it to my kids.  What she was really upset about was that my kids were hungry and they were asking her for something to eat, which she didn't feel like making.  She was watching them for me after school that day until I got home from my appointment.  But that's the price I pay for asking her to babysit. 

No one's perfect, but we try.  Criticizing others won't help the situation.  I just felt like the OP's criticisms weren't hurtful and not helpful.  My suggestions in my original post were meant to give the OP some insight into what the other shoe feels like.