Tell your mother in no uncertain terms (sm)
Posted By: Are we sisters? on 2007-04-23
In Reply to: Son's wedding - Grandma is insisting - that certain people be invited that our son
that your son and his soon to be wife are deciding who they want at their wedding, and that they will decide. If she keeps calling, just simply say, "please stop calling, we are not going to change our minds. And then don't. If she chooses not to come, that's her decision.
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terms
Did you read the terms of donating? That right there tells you it is a scam - it even says you agree not to report them to the host site, what a rip off
In terms of what? - sm
Could be Pentium 4, or it could mean someone who has had 4 childbirths-----Pregnancy history, written as "(gravida, para, X-X-X-X)," where gravida is the total number of pregnancies (including the present one), para is the number of deliveries after 20 weeks of pregnancy, and X-X-X-X is the number of full-term infants-number of preterm infants-number of abortions-number of living children-----written as G4, P4, A0. (cannot remember if it is with or w/o the commas, I don't do many of these).
OP can use whatever terms she wants and can also take care of herself (sm)
However, in her absence if her friends want to defend her that's ok too. Maybe we all need to get a life if we are going to be on here debating something so trivial.
Personally, I think it needs to be on their terms - sm
My son is actually my stepson. I have been with his father since my son was about 7 years old. I always had a little suspicion but stayed quiet. I figured if he was, he would eventually "come out" to us.
He was actually about 17 when he called me one day from school and asked if he could just come home and talk to me. We sat for three hours, just the two of us, and he spilled everything.
It was absolutely heart-breaking to know that he was so terribly uncomfortable with his "secret life".
You love your kids unconditionally. It was a little hard for his dad to understand, very hard for his grandparents to understand but he needed to be himself.
The only thing I can offer to you is that you need to let it be their timing.
If I had asked my son about it directly, I think it would have sent him over the edge emotionally. He just wasn't prepared for it because he wasn't sure what was going on with him either.
He knew that I had gay friends and I was okay with that so I think this is why he chose to talk to me first, rather than his mother or his father.
I know it was a very difficult thing for him and I just told him that I was so proud of him for having the courage to be himself.
He's not perfect by any means but I love him the same as the rest of my kids.
He will soon by 25 and I am just as proud of him as I am my of other kids.
I think OP means she would use the terms
mentally handicapped or mentally challenged. At least those are the terms I usually hear now-a-days. Good luck to you and your family.
But, she and her ex are on excellent terms
They see and talk with each other every week, no animosity there so that is not a problem. If fact when she was here Thanksgiving she had invited him if he were going to be in town.
Terms of Endearment
I remember when
Shirley McClaine was screaming for them to give her daughter her meds because it was time. I was 17 when I saw this movie and I kept thinking, my mother would be exactly the same way.
Those terms are used all the time around here..sm
A lot of southerners use those words when talking to people. Sometimes when they don't even know the person. It is really no big deal to me.
ooh, you are right - see inside for link to their terms
http://www.myspace.com/Modules/Common/Pages/TermsConditions.aspx
Quite common terms in the South. We
call everyone something like that, whether we know them or not.
I beg to differ. Forgiveness, even Biblical terms, can
only genuinely happen AFTER the offender repents for having hurt/offended you. Forgive and forget is just a wimpy nonconfrontational thing. The only way one can feel true forgiveness is if the other party repents. One can make informed decisions and move on, but forgiveness is not one-sided, though it sounds all warm and fuzzy.
curious - R U on speaking terms today with sis?
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
The categories are as specific as terms like "violence" allow - sm
Admittedly, there could be some disagreement about "marginal" situations. Is a raised fist "violence"? Some would say yes, some no. Away from these margins, though, there wouldn't likely be much disagreement as to which category a movie belongs in.
And since all movies are fantasy (fiction), whether they contain this sort of thing or not, the question being addressed here is what sort of fantasy is doing better at the box office?
To anon..She was trying to explain to the rest of us in simple terms...sm
how mares foal, bkz most of us don't have the opportunity to see that. You don't even know how many horses and other animals Hayseed has and cares for every day!
I suggest you apologize immediately.  Cat
Whatever my mother-in-law and mother are cooking--lol
we go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve and usually have ham and kielbasa (we are Polish) and then my mom usually has turkey or roasted chicken on Christmas Day
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
mother in-law help sm
Ok, so here is what is going on. My mother in-law fell down some stairs and broke her leg. She did not have insurance. She had not been to a doctor in 27 years. She has been in the hospital for about 4 days. They had to do surgery and things are looking good. She will have to have rehab for a few months, use a walker and so on. Well, guess who they ask to take care of her for the next few months? The "stay-at-home" mom who has all the free time in the world haha (not to mention I have a 3 year old who stays at home with me and a busy 6 year old in school). This would consist of me taking her to the restroom, bathing, changing dressings, helping with rehab exercises, not to mention working 8 hours a day and making sure my 3 year old doesn't climb on her. I feel bad for saying no, but I think that they should feel bad for asking me. She has 5 children. I feel that it is way too much responsibility for me to take on and that it absurd that they asked me. Aren't there facilities where she can go at least for the 1st month? Please help, just need advise.
And for anyone who wants to say "if it was your mother..." Believe it or not, in June MY mother fell down some stairs and broke her ankle. I was at her house every afternoon and we had people come in multiple times daily to check on her. However, the mother in-law is about 25 years older and the extent of the injury is greater. I would have never asked my husband to take care of her and help her do these things.
My mother-in-law
My mother-in-law keeps giving my Longaberger baskets for b-days and Christmas. She loves these baskets and has over 100. She visits the factory several times a year, (about a 4 1/2 hour drive) and often takes the female family members with her. These baskets are beautiful but I am just not a basket person. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but these baskets are expensive and I have over 20. When I tried to mention to her as politely as possible that I just don't need any more baskets, she told me that she often changes hers out so she can enjoy them all. I would much rather have sheets, bath towels, cookware, or even a gift certificate for dinner. My hubby and I have been married 19 years, have to children, and have a very good relationship with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous grandmother, but I am really tired of the baskets. Any suggestions?
I also have MVP and so does my mother...
so I don't know if there is a correlation or not between the two...
My mother's cat
looked like it had mange and when I asked the vet about it he said he had never seen a cat with mange. A friend told my mom that cats are extremely allergic to poinsettas and my mother had one sitting in the cat's favorite window. After she threw out the flower the cat got better very quickly. 
It's up to your mother-in-law to keep them in the
them. Your sister-in-law should not even bring them over there anymore in my opinion. If your mother-in-law's gate cannot hold them in for sure, then she absolutely should not watch them.
Your sister-in-law sounds selfish to me, so point out to her that it is unsafe for her OWN animals to be out running free, as anyone would have the right to shoot them if they were on their property threatening them. Maybe then she will care! Plus she (or you mom-in-law) could be sued if the dogs injure or kill someone or someone's animals. Not to mention they would have to live with that for the rest of their lives.
Having seen my own mother do a 180
since the death of my own dad 3-1/2 years ago and learning the hard way from things that have happened - I would just keep my mouth shut and say nothing and do nothing.
mother . ..
This may not be comforting to you, but I wish my mom (also 80) would do something like that. I think she would enjoy the company, and the activities. We have an awesome ALF here in our town; it's like a mini city!!!! Be glad she is making this decision for you and that you don't have to push her. She may benefit tremendously from this!!!!
My mother once said and she was right...sm
tis better to raise children in a happy divorced home than a miserable married one.
I divorced my kids father and within 3 years, all of us were in a much better place and now, 16 years later, this still holds true!!! This, I swear!!
I really have to believe that my Mother is up there
watching over her grandchildren. She lived for those kids and that truely was one of the things that hurt me the most when she died so suddenly. My niece is leaving for college in Aug. My son got his license and did very well in the state Forensics competition. Little things like that are the things that she would have been so proud of. I know my mother was a christian but I just hope that she is able to see us here on earth. Thank you for your response.
what was his mother like?
?
My mother does this to me!
She does it all the time and it's infuriating!!! She interrupts my sentence by finishing it herself and it drives me absolutely crazy. I've asked her nicely, I've asked her rudely, it still continues and I have just given up. She's not going to change, especially at her age. Sometimes when she interrupts me, I'll just stop talking altogether and that's the end of the conversation. Try turning the tables and doing it to your boyfriend incessantly and see if he gets the point.
I feel your pain!!
For Mother's Day...sm
my wonderful DIL made me a CD from pictures of my two sons from tiny baby up to my older son's wedding (my younger son was Best Man). Her choice of music and pictures were all just perfect. I LOVE IT!
I wish my mother would be
I don't think I'd be so hip on her folding my panties, lol, but seriously it sounds like she has very good intentions. My MIL lives out-of-state and I wish she lived closer so I could spend more time with her. We all have our quirks. I would love it if my MIL or my own mother took the initiative to check my children's homework, etc. It would be different I suppose if she lived across the street from you but since she is that far away, I'd let her enjoy herself. Had she gone through YOUR MAIL or something private like that, I would be concerned.
My own mother does this
I have told her especially when H is here especially to knock first. She never seems to get the message through her head. 
mother
Do we have the same mother? You have to be my sister - I have a very wonderful mother. The only problem is, I cannot seem to please her - EVER. She is a person who is constantly doing and giving, so people think she is a saint. Only with me is bitter, hates the Holidays, hates the whole gift thing, decorating, etc. I absolutely love to decorate, but gifts, fancy wrapping, etc. I keep telling myself she won't be here forever, and try to "play nice" but sometimes could just scream "Okay, I get it - I will never be pious enough or frugal enough (unless the Q gets any worse) for you." Anyway, don't feel alone. I feel your pain. Have a wonderful holiday season and if you get any more frustrated, email me - we can trade frustrations.
My mother used this when I was a kid
and I saw some in the store just the other day, smiled to myself, brings back memories.
Of course, he does. But what would your mother
x
Mother's Day!
 I met my daughter for lunch Saturday and it was great! Unfortunately she live about 35 miles away and traffic was horrendous. But all worth it of course. Sunday at church and hanging out with some friends - great weekend!
my mother-in-law and I SM
we actually do look alot alike, and people often assume I am her daughter. On the other hand, we are total opposites in personality.
If her mother was like this...sm
Then I guess she just inherited this disposition unfortunately. God knows why they bred this dog if it was this bad that they had to put it down 6 months after having pups. I hate you had that experience. I wish you could have had a good experience with your pit. But I understand.
what my mother always did sm
she sent us outside with disposable tshirts, to suck the goodies out of the pomegranetes. very staining and nasty for kids clothing, but delicious. it was a ritual.
I'm with the other mother...
If you don't like your grandkids, don't baby sit. I have a child, whom I think is wonderful. I resent anyone telling me that I am not parenting the way they would. You raised your kids and it is time to let your daughter do the same. I am sure that she is not trying to ruin her children. How would you have felt if this criticism were coming to you instead of from you?
when I became a mother
I put up with every single drop of crap until I became a mother. I could not stand up for myself, but I could stand up for my child.
But, it is something her mother is against and that is
having sex prior to being married. Her mother also was against teaching forms of birth control in the Alaska schools. Her mother would condone if others- I guess her daughter is an exception. There is no good reason now for a girl to get pregnant- too much birth control out there. Besides, what a way to start- neither kid has finished their education, no one has a job, shotgun wedding- if there is one, won't last. I guess Levi and Bristol could work with the guy's mother in her meth lab.
Our Mother
My mother has 4 daughters, 22 years between the first daughter and the last. Each time a daughter marries, the mother tries to come between the couple by getting the daughter to say bad things about the husband and leave him. She unfortunately has had two bad marriages herself, but is still married to the second husband despite his infidelities. With each marriage, the pressure is applied earlier to the daughter.
We are now on the marriage of the third daughter. She had been married for 90 days and the pressure is being applied pretty severely for her to leave her new husband and move back home with mother.
The first daughter has not spoken to mother for 14 years due to this compulsive behavior. The second daughter fell for it once and doesn't want to be divorced again, and is actually relieved there is another target.
Loyalty to mother is the only acceptable behavior. Daughter number two is not convinced daughter number three will be able to take the heat.
Anybody know about these things?
If I were the G-mother, I'd run away - very far
certifiably rubber-room material.
The obstetrician who delivered the letter should've done the world a favor, and surreptitiously tied her tubes.
This had to do with my mother but will just say
her nephew, her sister's son, was dyslexic when he was young. My mother from what I have been told, made fun of him, calling him retarded, etc. This cousin grew up to own his own company, build and invent things, had a brillant mind. He might not have been able to spell and/or learn his ABCs but the end result was someone of superior intelligence.
your mother
I have said it before and I will say it again. Your mother needs to handle your dad. She should feel guilty/responsible/etc. Not you. He isn't trying to get is milk for free. (pun intended), he wants your mom to take him back. This isn't even about you!
Son and mother's day
My son is nearly 40, has a very good IT computer job. He's never been good about remembering my birthday, mother's day or christmas. Usually his wife would cover for him, not always, but enough that I didn't usually say anything or complain if one of these occasions were missed. However, he and his wife have split up and now I realize that I don't even get a card or a phone call on any of these occasions! Nothing. In the past I had thought about "forgetting" his birthday once in a while, but now I am so mad that I feel like never sending him another card with money, etc. But then I think that he is still my son and just because he can't be bothered to call or send a card on my birthday, or on mother's day or at christmas that I should just let it go and not be a petty person and go ahead and continue with my remembrances.
Thoughts?
Son and Mother's Day
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have a son (my youngest) who is the same way. He did not come over today. He called me this morning and talked 2 minutes. A couple of weeks ago, I fell and hurt my wrist (thought I broke it). My daughter called him and asked him if he could take me to the hospital. He said he and his girlfriend were out shopping and stuff, and he didn't have time to do it. I was so hurt. Thank goodness I only badly sprained my wrist, but that is beside the point. Once when I was younger, and I was helping a lady who had bone cancer, her husband told me about children "when they are young, they break your heart, and when they are grown, they step on it." I told myself "not my children. They would never forget about me." I understand what he was saying now.
As far as presents and cards on birthdays and such for children who don't remember you, I will not remember them. My daughter did not have much money to spend, but she bought me a humming bird feeder and some flip-flops, and she and her husband and children came over and spent the day with me. My oldest son bought me a hanging basket and spent the day with me. Them I will remember.
Mother's Day
You teach people how to treat you.
When I first got married, my husband would act like my birthday, mother's day, anything that had to do with me was a big problem for him. His excuse was that I was hard to buy for. So I told him what's good for me is good for him. I did not do anything for his birthday, Father's Day, etc for 1 year and he was really upset. We haven't had a problem since. Yesterday I received cards, candy, he made dinner for me and the kids cleaned up. It was a good day.
If things like this are important to you, you have to make it clear to your kids/husband. Otherwise, go on strike and quit doing for them for a while. They will get the message loud and clear.
Mother's day.
Mother's day has been a tough day for me for a long time, especially the last two. After 14 out of our 18 years of marriage, we tried for a baby. We had "unexplained infertility". 2 years ago, my uterus proapsed (nothing like wiping after peeing and feeling something at the vaginal opening, grabbing a mirror and going "darned, that looks like my cervix), most likely from lifting too many heavy objects from our many military moves. Silly as it may sound, I do consider myself Mommy to my 2 black and 1 fawn pug. Unfortunately, the gifts I get from them are piles of poo. Pugs aren't cheap dogs but they have paid at least 100 fold with their antics, love, cuddling and sweetness.
BTW, adoption and in vitro were both out of the question. Hubby was in the military, and military pay is no way to get rich. I worked for a doctor and we all know how well they pay - ha ha. American adoption is around 50 grand. AFAIC, that is BUYING a baby with mainly the lawyer getting rich. I would have found the money for this had there not been the chance of the mother changing my mind (that happened to my cousins. I was way too emotionally fragile by this point). IVF is now up to about $20-25K for an 18% chance of conceiving. It just wasn't meant to be.
I got very depressed over this and started drinking a lot. I became an alcoholic. As many times as I should have died from alcohol poisoning or whatever (I didn't drink and drive - Hubby was at sea 77% of the time so there was no need to hide it), I'm still alive. I ended up in the hospital twice with alcoholic hepatitis and pancreatitis, also destroying my gallbladder. Thankfully, all of my liver enzymes are back to normal and my pancreas is okay. People often talk about how morphine and Demerol make you high. Well, I'm here to tell you that if you're in enough pain, it does not make you high, it just takes the edge off. If you think you may have a drinking problem, I am here, just E-mail me. We always say in A.A., if you're not sure you have a drinking problem, try controlled drinking for a few weeks. If you can stop at a couple of drinks, well, you're probably okay. If not, you probably need to seek help. There's nothing more powerful than 2 people trying to talk each other out of trying to take a drink. I do give out my phone number too for folks who think they have a drinking problem.
So, anyway, I want to wish all of the mothers out there, mothers of bio children, mothers of foster children, mothers of adopted children and mothers of pets a belated happy mother's day. I hope all of your dreams came true. My pain is lessening with time. My only true pain is my own mother. She put me thru a lot of pain. I got a nasty E-mail from her Sunday, apologizing for not getting back to her soon but that I had been working 7 days a week, 10-14 hour days because of OT. She vindictively commented that since I had been working so much, perhaps I should just staty home and rest. This was not a caring mother concerned for her daughter. This was a mother getting even. Trust me - I've dealt with it for 42 years now. My response? "Fine with me." I deleted any subsequent E-mails from her yesterday. My only sadness is my dad. He gets put in the middle of this. Thankfully, I do see a wonderful counselor. He told me I live with a lot of guilt, which I do. But after 42 years of verbal and emotional abuse, I have had enough. I chose to deal with it my drinking (I have been sober for many years), my sister chose to deal with it by overeating - she has now lost a significant amount of weight and I am so pround of her. I have nothing against overweight people, I just don't want to see her die young of heart disease or other ailments that plague people with excessive weight. She has 2 beautiful kids, one who got a full scholarschip to Ohio State and is majoring in engineering, taking all honors classes. My niece is 10. Once she is off to school, my sister said she is leaving Ohio. She has had enough of my mom too.
Anyway, seeing as how I was so destructive toward my body with the alcohol (I was brought down at age 33 with the alc. hepatitis and pancreatitis,, I know God has a purpose for me. At first, I cursed God. How dare he turn me into an alcoholic at the tender age of 33. I have met so many people at AA meetings who wish they had recovered earlier in life. Alcohol is a great time killer and I now bless God for sobering me up early. If there is one person I can help, I'm more than willing to do so.
Take care of yourselves and God bless you all! :-)
P.S. Sorry for the (as Stephen King puts it) diarrhea of the word processor.
Mother's Day
Does this happen to anyone else?
First let me say happy belated mother's day to all the moms! I have to get this off my chest so I can move on.
I have a 12 year-old-son who is my world. Like every mother's child is to them. I do not EXPECT ANYTHING on any occasion except Happy whatever day. However last Sunday took the cake. The first person to wish me a Happy Mother's day last weekend was my EX-husband. He called from Arizona. Thinking that he wanted to speak to our son I explained to him he was not here at the moment. He said no he just called to wish me happy mom's day. I was so touched. My husband and my son NEVER did wish me a happy mothers day, however, I did get my big butt chewed on Monday when I was asked by my husband why I did not remind him to call his mother and why hadn't I picked up a card for her, he continues to go on about how selfish I am. I was to hurt and upset. Yes, I did call my mother, my ex-mother-in-law, my sister and my best friends. I never did hear HMD from them . We had a similar situation some time back where they never wished me a happy birthday until 2 days after!
Do I have a right to be upset or am I really selfish?
I am that way with my mother, I am
50, she is 71. There are definitely things she does not want to know about and if I should say something, she basically ignores it. I have made sure that both my daughters know they can talk to be about anything, without being judged. I may not like everything I hear, but I will discuss it with them in a calm and noncondescending manner.
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