Teens!! -- Difficult times for teens and parents. (sm)
Posted By: No Name on 2007-09-12
In Reply to: I just need to vent! My 15yo son is going through a tough time. SM - MissouriMT
You must feel as though you are at your wits' end -- just don't let your son know that. I encourage you to continue to practice assertiveness/"tough love." Do not argue with him; give him a couple of choices when situations arise. Don't allow him to be disrespectful.
It sounds as though your son needs attention. His negative drug test was a "positive"; praise him!!!
.Smile every time he walks into the room.
.Every day find something positive and praise him often for even the smallest thing.
.Everyone has talent(s); what's you son's interests. Show him you are interested.
.Consider Big Brother/Big Sister (maybe a retired teacher will be available)/the "Y."
.Chores/responsibilities -- mowing lawns (earning spending money), assisting at a local nursery, household chores. Keep him busy!!!
.Have him plan/prepare a meal and invite a friend for dinner/movie.
.Watch a movie together.
.Play a little basketball together (my favorite!).
.Attend church together!!
May God bless your home!!
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Do you mean that your teens don't
know what marijuana is? Or did I misunderstand?
I'm sure this teen I'm wondering about knows what it is. She also has posted " I'm **** (name deleted) and addiction is my middle name."
Just wondering if I'm reading too much into it. Obviously it's not proof. I know kids try to be cool and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I was truly just wondering what you all would think if you read that.
My teens
They don't get squat from me. If they want a car, they can go earn the money for it. They can also earn the money for the insurance and cell phone as well.
As of yet they do without. I allow them to take the car on Wednesday evenings to church for youth group because I cannot take them, and to their Orthodontist appointment every 6 weeks because I cannot take them.
Otherwise, if I am not driving, my vehicle stays in the parking lot. My hubby drives his to work every day.
I believe just giving them these things makes them feel it is a right or entitlement. I had to earn my own because parents didn't want to give. I can't afford to give, but I think I would still make them earn it because they tend to care for the things they have to earn better than those that are just given. Know what I mean?
Universal is more for teens really.....
MGM is great for 3 and 7 year olds, as is the Magic Kingdom. Epcot is more for teens and adults. Haven't been to Animal Kingdom but it's for 3 and 7 year olds as well as adults and teens.
Someone I know just went back up to Universal and said much is closed inside - it's not doing as well as it did back in the early 90s. I loved Universal when I went, that was in 1997, and I'm adult (many times over *LOL*).
They'll have fun NO MATTER WHAT - this I can promise you!!!
Buena Vista is a very nice area to stay in and very close to all parks. The Disney parks have escalated in price and went up TWICE this past year....may be better to buy 3 (if they still offer 3), 4 or 5-day passes - unlimited visits and cheaper in the long run.
HAVE FUN!!! 
Yup, have 2 teens and it is kind....
of interesting as one does not have "all the time in the world for that anymore." We have got to get when we can. But also he works nights and obviously sleeps some during the day. Maybe that is what has kept the fire going all these years. LOL
Teens and preteens?
I was standing in the grocery line of a major store tonight and the F word not coming from one of them, but an older woman on a cell phone right behind me. Her complaint was that there were not enough lines opened up and that is when the word came in. I only had perhaps 5 items and my going thru took not but a few seconds. It is everywhere.
2 teens, but only 1 ticket (so far!)
My oldest DS got one his first year of college where was going to school. It was an expensive lesson for him, but one he learned well.
Teens recycling biz
Here's the thing. I have two teens and we live in a fairly rural area where job opportunities are limited enough as an adult, forget about being a teen looking for a job.
The kids came to me last night and have come up with a business idea for the two of them. Recycling.
Neither are quite old enough to drive yet. The eldest will be driving in about 8 months so any driving will have to be done by dear ol' mom of course.
My question is for anyone who regularly recycles. Is collecting for money even worth it? We already recycle but it is packaged separately and picked up with our other trash and WE pay them to pick it up.
Anyone?
Thanks
If my two teens ever talked to me like that.......sm
I would probably punch them in the mouth and knock their teeth out! But, then again, I do not talk to them that way either.
My son is 6Ɖ", 280 lbs, college football player, and I would have no problem knocking him out if he talked like that to me......ever!!!
Teens do try to get away with things, and sometimes forget who they are actually speaking to their parents and not their friends on the "street" - no excuse ever. With that type of behavior, they might find their bags out on the curb.
Would never tolerate it!!!
Your're right about teens! - sm
I try to tell him that he never would have married me if he's known me at 16 or 17. Talk about bratty! He is open to learning about communicating. He calls himself a "neanderthal" and readily admits he's too heavy-handed (figuratively) sometimes and that he needs the female perspective from me.
Thing is, he's got two grown daughters. But they didn't grow up with him and so this is completely new territory for both of us. We haven't seen his first kids more than a handful of times in the last several years, and I know he's terrified that our two (we also have a 19 yo son) will turn their backs on him too. So it's either over-indulge or get very strict, and very little in between. This parenting stuff really can be perplexing, can't it?
Do teens still get cars of their own
Do people still buy cars for their teens or do they share cars? Do you pay for insurance or do they have to get a job and pay for it? My parents gave me nada, but that seems extreme, so I would like to know what other people consider normal.
If I hear teens and 20-somethings...
using profanity it really peeves me. Mind you, I can talk like a sailor too, however, I find the "F" word is peppered in speech lately, even with the girls. How unattractive and anything but adult-like behavior.
Pre-teens and makeup question. sm
My DD just turned 13 and I have agreed to allow her to wear basic makeup now. However, she is not applying it appropriately to where I think it looks decent. I am not a big makeup person and all the teens are into this glitter stuff at that. I would like to take her somewhere to really teach her how to apply makeup, select her colors, etc. Does anyone know of a place that does this type of thing and any good recommendations that would help?
I have two teens of driving age who both have their own cars. sm
My older teen is 19. She pays for her own insurance, but is on my policy. I will pay for my 17 year old until he is 19. I got them both used cars, and now if they want to sell them and get another one, that's up to them.
not paying insurance for teens-I feel bad for you.SM..
Kids don't make enough today to do it all - including teen car insurance - and some parents LIKE TO HELP...again, to each his/her own. My children have been working full time for 10 years and I'm still wanting to help them with that car insurance because it's exhorbitant for young people even in their 20s....until 25 actually where I live -
oh well, one thing is we can all AGREE TO DISAGREE - LOL
car insurance quadruples for teens in florida
it's not *spoiling kids* what with Florida rates, that's a given.......quadruples for kids 25 and under.......check it out yourself....it's not spoiling. I also moved out at 18 and did it all myself but I didn't drive until I was 26 or 28 so car insurance was never an issue back in the days for me. Today, it's a different world and car insurance definitely depends on WHERE YOU LIVE.
If you live in very small-town America I suppose what you said is very correct......
Get Over It Already is an immature phrase, as are young teens who act this way
nm
actually they DO cast out their male children as teens
often times if they do not "comply" with the religious teachings. There is an entire group of "Lost boys" all over Utah and the surrounding areas where FDLS and other religious off-shoots have cast out their teen boys. Really really sad. I lived in Utah and have known quite a few current and former FDLS members and also know a couple of men who as teens were "cast out" by their families. I think also the older men don't particularly care for the younger teen boys being "competetion" for them as far as the young girls go...it's disgusting religous fanatacism at its worst.
Look at this headline "Michigan Teens Murder, Dismember Sex Offender (sm)
This man was ambushed, murdered, beheaded and burned. The headline says these teens murdered a sex offender. Way down in the article it says that this man 9 years ago at age 17 had sex with a 14 year old. That was his offense. It does not say he raped her. While I agree he should not have had sex with a 14 year old, I think it is very unfair that after he suffered such a horrible death the headline reads that a sex offender was murdered. The article also says that his being a "sex offender" had nothing to do with why the boys murdered him, they just did it to do it. How sad that after his death, that is what they post about him!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071113/ap_on_re_us/burned_torso
Totally agree, get these from time to time since teens...sm
It's a neuro condition, it does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you, it is actually related to narcolepsy, hypnagogic (sp? I just got up!) hallucinations, etc. And I HATE when I get these, it is always freaky, my siblings get this too, at times. I can "go away" for years and years before you get another episodes, so don't worry! I heard that when you are under a lot of stress or are very busy with things that this happens more??? Take care!!
How does everyone deal with difficult, and I mean extremely difficult, people. sm
I'm not even talking about family members. Just people in general. Especially the ones who are so kind to your face but you know clearly don't like you one bit. I have a few of those in my life. UGH! And I'm so kind that it eats me up inside, but I won't dare say anything to their faces. I just come on public forums like this anonymously and vent my anger and frustration!!
I met with someone today who told me to "love them," and feed into them and show them that you are not this vile person they make you out to be. How do you do that? I'm learning that people, especially women, are just impossible to deal with. And I'm a woman!!!
Oh, please! End times! People have been saying that since the beginning times!
It's just sensationalism. It seems that journalism has gone to a warm place in a handbasket. I briefly majored in journalism back in 1980, and what passes for journalism now would have flunked any of us right our of an entry-level course! It's all sensational reporting, because networks think that brings in the viewers, and thus drives up the advertising price that they can charge during broadcasts.
Another of my pet peeves in "journalism" is the phrase "Unconfirmed sources say . . . " Yeah. Right. Unconfirmed sources is just another way of saying, "Rumor has it . . . "
Next time there is breaking news, listen for it. It's said over and over again, because the networks and stations want to get the news out first. I don't know what happened to fact-checking and pursuit of the truth in journalism, but it's all about getting info out fast, and keeping the public tuned in with the most sensational reports that they can put out there.
Back in the days of the Roman Empire, people were treating each other pretty badly and in unbelievable ways, too. Crucifixion comes to mind. So, I don't really think modern news reports are pointing to end times any more than at any other time in recorded history.
That's quite difficult (sm)
The title of your post said "preaching." How do we know what your post is about so that we may avoid the religious posts as you suggested? In the title of your post, are you simply using a one-word paraphrase of the post you are responding to or are you, in fact, preaching? The only way to know is to open your post. Once opened, it's another preachy post.
To each their own!
difficult because
My 15 year old son. Everything he wants is over $200.00. But I don't buy him anything of that techno stuff, so I have to get pretty far out there and hope he loves me enough to considering it a good Christmas present anyway.
Thanks. It's been difficult but
I am now pregnant again and although I will always struggle with the loss, I have happier times to look forward to now and try not to dwell on the past.
I don't think she really meant it that way but its exactly what she did. I was more taken aback by the feeling that she still thinks it was the right thing to do, no regrets, etc. I understand life being in a difficult place and safety was an issue for her and the baby. But to justify the decision because of where her life was at the time, I don't agree. She made those decisions (good and bad) all on her own. To some extent this was a major factor for her to decide to change her life in many ways and follow a different (much better) path.
Need help with difficult child
I have 3 children, ages 11, 8 and 5. My 8-year-old has always been a difficult child, starting in early infancy. He was always fussy and became quite stubborn during his toddler years. He is now 8 years old and I really have my hands full. He can get quite mouthy with his father and me (married and live together) and has even got physical with me. He has always been physical towards his brothers and is always fighting with them. He has given his teachers a hard time as well as my parents, who spend a lot of time with him.
One time when I was driving up the highway 55 mph, he became very upset (can't remember over what now) and actually slid the van door open to jump out. I realize the child lock should have been on but wasn't due to adult passengers that weekend (is always on now). He becomes so angry so quickly, and I'm really very scared for him.
I have tried several tactics for discipline/help in this situation and nothing seems to work. Some things are short-lived results, others no result at all. We have tried rewards charts, timeouts, loss of privileges, spanking (very short-lived and didn't work anyway) as well as professional counseling with a child psychologist.
The child psychologist spent about 3 months of weekly to every-other-week sessions with my son and wasn't able to give me any insight as to why he is so angry. He indicated to me that my child definitely showed signs of anger through his drawings and behaviors, but he wasn't able to get any clear reason for it. He also seemed to be not so interested in what was causing the problem as he was in dealing with it. My take on it is that I need to know what I'm dealing with before I can begin to fix the problem.
My child has never been abused or traumatized. My parents and sister have been the only caregivers, other than myself and my husband, to care for him. My 2 other children behave fairly well. I can't understand what's going on with my son. I've tried to talk to him about it, but I can't get any answers.
I'm beginning to think he has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) or possibly bipolar disorder. His mood swings are so severe, I never know what to expect. What really has me jammed up is that when it's just me and him or just him and his dad and he's getting all the attention, he's pretty much great. Therefore, I know he's capable of good behavior.
Has anyone else ever had a child act like this? Any ideas or suggestions? Please don't bash me, my nerves are on end already. I know I need to get this situation under control before it gets any worse. I just don't know where to turn anymore. My mom says *tough love*, but I've tried that with him and it doesn't seem to have any effect on him. Once when he really misbehaved, I put him in his room and took out all the toys and knick-knacks, so there was nothing but his bed and dressing in there. I put a door lock on the closet and shut the door. When I came back to check on him about 1/2 later, I found him lying on the floor and he had unscrewed all the knobs on his dresser. He was only 5 at the time. It's like he's trying to get even with me for something I didn't know I did to him.
Difficult child
I feel for you mom, I can't imagine! My 2 boys are pretty good, I got lucky. It sounds to me like, if he can behave for OTHER people, than it might not be a disorder. My cousin had a kid like that. If I were you, I would DEFINATELY get a 2nd opinion, it doesn't s/l the 1st person was very helpful at all. You don't just give up (not you personally, the therapist) on a child and say "I don't know why he's like that!" He should have referred you to someone else. I would see what the 2nd therapist says, and go from there. You need to find one that is willing to work with you and your child, someone you and your boy are comfortable with, who will answer your questions and not give up on you, etc. If all else fails, there is always Dr. Phil...Good luck and keep us posted!
it will be a difficult conversation obviously
At 12 and 14 they are plenty old enough to be told the absolute truth. Let them have some time to process it, and then take them for a visit.
They like to make it difficult.
And you can't do it online. So call customer service, and just say no. The service rep is trained to make various offers to get you to change your mind. Just say NO, and ask for a supervisor if you have to. You're going to have to say NO more than once, but it's your money, and you have every right to keep it in your pocket rather than give it to them.
It would be pretty difficult for me because
I was raised on a farm. As long as my parents are living, I imagine I will eat meat whenever they visit. Recently, at home my immediate family has been doing without meat, but we eat meat if we go out to eat. I think it is very healthy to go without meat, but I also think eating a little meat is perfectly healthy too. I am a little concerned about mistreatment of animals and people in factory farming/packing, so I like to eat at Chipotles and buy cage-free eggs.
Adults need one, too. Imagine how difficult it is
for parents who feel the guilt/burden of knowing they cannot provide a Christmas for their babies. I've been there. I know how it feels.
One of my resolutions for 2007 is to pay a set percentage of my gross income to a dedicated cause locally. I'm not sure yet whether I will work with the light/water company to provide assistance for those on shut-off notices (they seem to have less options than anyone else) or help provide transportation to/from doctor visits for elderly/handicapped individuals, but I am going to do something.
It's not difficult either to refuse to consume
garbage posing as information.
Your choice.
I would totally ignore them. Difficult as it is
if you do not give them a moment of attention or let them know you are offended - they will eventually stop. Why play their game - stoop to their level? Then they have won
My hubby does this work also and says it is the most difficult
job he has ever done. No - it is not physical - you are not outside in the element - but it is draining. I agree with others - put headphones on him and make him sit at your desk - just make him type a paragraph - I guarantee he will change his tune - so sorry - don't let him get to you - he obviously does not appreciate you
i also work for 2 PS..and it's a difficult surgery
and my plastic surgeons dictate the risks in detail of a brachioplasty and they also have their patients speak with other patients who have had the surgery....I have always wanted to have upper arm lifts but after working for these particular 2 docs (among many others) for 11+ years, I think not!! I would also think a *re-do* would leave even more scars/dents.......
If you came out in 1975, that had to be extremely difficult - sm
for you. I know that had to take a lot of courage and strength on your part. Good for you.
I can never put myself in someone else's shoes but I can speak as a mother and a friend. The stigma that goes with the word "gay" needs to just disappear. It's getting better but has a long way to go.
When my son came out, I explained to him that like anything else outside the "normal" is going to take some time for people to really accept. Fortunately, there are many people who already do accept the lifestyle, even if isn't one they share.
We accept it because we love the people for who they are, not how they live.
Good for you. No condemnation from me.
Hi, it is difficult to restore shine when it is gone, but...sm
" Eventually, no matter how diligent you are about cleaning, your no-wax
floor will lose its shine. Then, believe it or not, the best way to
make it new-looking is to wax it.
Use a water-based self-polishing
wax.
Whenever possible use a product recommended by the manufacturer.
If you don't know who the manufacturer is, get a recommendation from a
reputable flooring contractor in your area.
I agree with this poster's mother - it is difficult
Things have changed a lot and obviously it is easier now than it was when I did it (dated someone from a different race)- but there are sometimes huge cultural differences, not only in different races but in same race from very different parts of the country. A lot of traditions that you find important - someone very culturally different (same for religion for that matter) may not. You have to be thick skinned and very committed. A good partner is hard to find.
Is it difficult to blend or get the hang of applying it? NM
NM
Who's the most difficult person(s) you have to buy gifts for at Christmas?
I'd have to say my mom, because if there's something she wants, she buys it herself.
This IS the absolute best way to deal with difficult people.
Unfortunately, this is the way that I have to deal with my own mother. I never tell her anything, or she broadcasts it to the world, twists information, gossips and criticizes. After about 40 years of it, I finally just stopped giving her any information about what goes on in my life, except for the very basic, surface type things. Ironically, my aunt advised me to do this, and said that most of the family has to do the very same thing!
Just bought a Kodak digital camera without optical viewer and find the LCD screen is very difficult
to see what you are taking in bright sunlight. I just read on the internet this happens with many cameras. Any suggestions for this. I dont want to spend tons of money on a camera because I dont use them that often but I am not very happy with this. I tried to get a camera with the optical viewer but almost none of them except the really high end had this. A lot of people complain about this LCD washout. Just wondered if there is any fix for this without getting another camera. This is a Kodak Easyshare. Great in cloudy weather or inside but the sun is another story. 
Difficult based on taste, easy based on ethics.
I was a vegetarian for 10 years, then a vegan for about 5 before meeting my husband, i.e. Mr. Barbecue. He thinks he will die of starvation if he doesn't have some form of animal flesh on his plate at least twice daily. I do eat meat minimally now but not without guilt about the way the animal was raised and slaughtered. I don't believe meat is healthy either, esp. because of the hormones, antibiotics and unnatural feed commercial livestock receives. I have free-range chickens and use their eggs, and I buy raw milk from a local small farmer whose cows graze freely on organic grass. I am working my way back to a meat-free diet in spite of my DH. Can't wait to shed the 20 pounds of animal-fat blubber I've accumulated and get my cholesterol level back down to where it used to be! You just have to give peas a chance.
Right away all 3 times...
luckily everything went well all 3 times. My best friend wasn't so lucky and miscarried soon after telling people.
We have been there many times..
and we loved Fort Wilderness camping resort the best. It is a bit pricey but you can barbecue outside or cook (full kitchen) inside the cabin so you do save money there. There is a lot to do right there in the camping resort, fishing, boat and bike rentals, pools, restaurants, an arcade for the kids, snack bar, etc., so just a wonderful family experience. There are also lower *value* priced resorts right in Disney also. But I would definitely suggest staying in a Disney resort; everything is right there; transportation to the parks, etc.
And you can't go to Disney and not go to the Magic Kingdom! Universal and MGM are nice but don't compare, IMO. And Epcot probably is more for older kids/adults.
The kids will love the water parks, Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach.
Anyway, here is a good website if you don't already have it.
http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/wdw/index
Most of all, HAVE FUN!!!
behind the times
Well, if you're behind the times so am I. My daughter has been taught since she was a baby that if someone takes the time and effort to give you a gift, the least you can do is take the time and effort to send a written thank you. Especially if something is mailed and you aren't able to thank them in person. I have a cousin who is the perfect example. When my husband died 2 years ago, I never got so much as a sympathy card. OK, fine, some people just don't know what to say in that situation--uncomfortable with death or whatever. This year we both have daughters graduate from high school. I was sent an announcement and party invitation which was out of town so couldn't go. But I sent a card and money the same day I sent MY daughter's announcement and invite. Did I ever get a thank you, written or verbal? Nope. Did they send my daughter a card? Nope. My mom went to their grad party and asked if they'd received my card (hoping to shame them) and they just said, "oh yeah, it was just so nice of her." Absolutely no qualms about taking without any gratitude and never reciprocating. I'd sent money because I didn't want to punish the daughter for her parents lack of social skills, but it appears that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I can't wait to get a wedding or birth announcement from this girl. Whether she knows it or not, she's received her last gift from me.
end times sm
I agree 200% with you and I am ready to go. All have the choice to believe or not. Yes is been talked about since the beginning of time, but our Bible tells us exactly what the signs are. Besides, even IF it were not true, don't you agree the Christian life is a better way to live than anything else? I believe its true and I don't believe we have much longer here. I am waiting and watching!
How many times are you going
to mention that his father never contributed any money, not a penny? Since you keep repeating it, it must be very significant in your mind. His father never contributed a penny to raising him. Now there is a rift between you and your son because of money. Anybody else out there think these two points are more connected than they may appear to be on the surface?
how many times have you
x
How many times does this have
First, you have to find out if you qualify. Then, look online on the IRS website to find the schedule according to your SS#.
Of course, if you didn't use direct deposit for your taxes to begin with, they will send you out a check and those won't be sent out until later.
It is not a crock - we got ours on time, according to the schedule!
DD has had this 3 times sm
and each time a different diagnosis. First thought to be a swollen lymph node (from cat scratch) and put on antibiotics. Second times many months later was thought to be a cyst and put on antibiotics. A year later again, was told it was MRSA and put on antibiotics. Each time it went away and since the last time in Feb. hasn't not returned. Still don't know for sure exactly what it was but antibiotics did the trick every time.
LOL!!! One of the few times I actually
LOL'd when I typed those letters . . . heavily!
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