Take your share of the equity and go (sm)
Posted By: nm on 2007-07-30
In Reply to: If your husband had a problem with your weight and (sm) - Butter and clutter
Not trying to be harsh here, but if you want to lose weight and become better organized, that's for YOU to decide. I have struggled with my weight always, now am the highest weight I ever have been. I am not an organized person, never have been, never will be. Luckily, DH doesn't seem to mind any of this. If I had to struggle constantly to try to be something I wasn't, I'd be a basket case. It's not worth the effort. You decide how to want to be, NOT him. Good luck.
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1/2 the equity is not enough
He is just afraid of you getting more at this point. If you got a good attorney, not only would you get 1/2 the equity, but alimony and child support. I know it is hard, but do not let him bamboozel you again. He sounds very selfish. Marriage is a 50/50 undertaking you are not his possession or his servant. Above all know that it is not you, but him that has the problem. Do not fall into the trap of feeling that you are the one to blame for any of this. Prayers that this all works out for you
I'd tell him to take half the equity and get out - sm
not you. I am in a similar situation. I have gained about 70 pounds since we married, and 2 kids later. I never kept a great house but I was very organized; but several things have happened over the past 3 years and I have become less organized and I think mildly depressed as well. He used to nag me constantly about my weight but has finally backed off as I think he just stopped caring. I resent(ed) his constant harping about my weight and I think gained more in response; I was 30 pounds less 3 years ago. Even the kids know something is not right though we do things together as a family my DH screws it up somehow and the kids end up in tears half the time or I get upset over some mean thing he said. My younger one has said she wants to live with him if we ever divorce, how sad is that (he is more lenient as he wants to be liked by the kids). His mom is a clean fanatic, they had to shower in the basement as she did not want them messing up the bathroom, before that they had to wipe dry and clean the shower/tub everytime they used it. When she is here she picks up and folds every loose thing, etc. Her home is spotless but she has no kids or animals; we have 2 dogs and a cat and 2 kids who can make a mess really fast. I take care of everything around here but the cooking plus work 3 jobs to boot, so that is one reason the house is not a Good Housekeeping showplace, the other is I hate cleaning.
I would not change for your husband though. I am however going to try and lose this weight, though not for him. I get out of breath very easy now and I want my health to stay good. I am curious to see what reaction I get from him when I do, I suspect he won't like in in the long run, especially if I can pull it off and look darn good in the process. I am also considering getting a cleaning person to come in once a week and clean, but I will tackle that in the Fall. I did get one of those robot vacuums but have not tried it as yet. I also am thinking about seeing a divorce lawyer just to see what my options are in case he pushes me to my limit. He has threatened me with divorce but I doubt he will do it but in case he does go and spring that on me I want to know what I can expect. I think for money reasons alone would not do it as I would fight for half the house equity though it is not in my name we bought it after we were married and have lived in it for 9 years together; half of some property we own (my name is on that deed) and half his 401K from the point we married to present. So he would owe me a tidy sum, I estimate about $185K; so basically he'd have to pay off the house and give it to me as a divorce settlement + child support for 2 kids. He would be pretty cash poor for quite a while but could build a house on the property which would kill him as he wanted to have no house payments by 50 (he is 48)-- I'd want full custody of the kids but I am afraid of some financial issues that would prevent me from being awarded them; so that is why I want to see a divorce lawyer before he does (he has threatened that 2 x, but as he is a big talker I kind of ignore it, but I need to stop being naive about it just in case he does follow through for a change). You need to do the same thing, contact a lawyer and find out exactly where you stand, you have nothing to lose by doing this. I plan to do this as well, once the kids are back in school as I cannot very well drag them with me and have them come home and say, mom went to a divorce lawyer today, yeah, that would go over well.
But your husband and mine sound very alike. I know my kids love me despite my youngest saying she'd rather be with daddy, though after our disaster outing yesterday I doubt she feels that way. She says I work too much which is true but I use it as an escape too which is not good. I had a lot more time off last summer but took on some extra work lately and it has been very busy this summer. I have promised her to start taking off every other weekend so we can do more together so that should help some for us and for me mentally as well. Good luck.
Have you considered a home equity loan to
pay off all your credit cards?
File for bankruptcy protection if you have equity in your home
dd
Would like to share
I'm a Christian... by Maya Angelou
When I say... I am a Christian, I'm not shouting, I'm clean livin'. I'm whispering, I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.
When I say... I'm a Christian, I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble, and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say...I'm a Christian, I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak, and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... I'm a Christian, I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed, and need God to clean up my mess.
When I say... I'm a Christian, I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
When I say... I'm a Christian, I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... I'm a Christian, I'm not holier than thou. I'm just a simple sinner who recieved God's good grace somehow.
Had to share
Okay, actual statement made by my doc tonight. Sometimes, the funniest are the most simple:
The patient could hardly stand up after I got through doing a rectal exam. 
No wonder I love this job!!!!
We share the same b-day. :) NM
NM
Just have to share.
I bought a bottle of the electrolyte enhanced water yesterday. I cannot even tell you how much better I feel. I will buy a case tomorrow.
Want to share a pic.
My sister passed away in Nov. She loved the beach so we waited until this summer to spread her ashes there. My sister and I dug a heart in the sand and filled that empty void with her ashes and covered it with green colored popouri, her favorite color and put down candles and then the waves came up and washed the ashes back out to sea. In this picture, hope it shows, (if it does not someone tell me how to get it to show) my sister was taking picture and I leaned down to pick up a trash tie that had washed up there and the shadow looked like the hand was reaching out of the ashes to touch my hand. Freaked my little sister out. Was like a sign but it brought some humor to the situation.
You are right about some PAs so I have to share this with you
My brother used to be a PA and just graduated from medical school this past May. The biggest complaint he got from the higher up was that he spent too much time with the patients. He worked in the ER and was told to treat and street. LOL
can you share
the name with us? Thanks!
Please share!
I figured David was definitely going. Victor will make sure of that. I agree on Skye - he had too much to lose with her. I just wonder if he found out about the connection between Skye and Adam which would mean Adam will be in trouble too. I noticed yesterday it looks like Heather might be getting mixed up in this whole thing with Walter. She's too curious. I have missed a lot the past month or so though.
No, what is this about? Please share!
xx
would you share how you do it?
we have some butternut we grew this summer and decided just tonight we'd use some as a side dish for our big dinner...would appreciate any suggestions. Doesn't need to be fancy!
Well -- I'd probably share it
Man A must be pretty decent to have understood the importance of being to work on time, so I'd probably share it. Of course, if he looked like trailer trash who would only blow it on booze and cigs, I might reconsider that.
Had to share this pic
Now who says all pitbulls are vicious?. Some might be, but this one certainly isn't. This is a my male pitbull, CJ, whose heart is full of nothing but love.
No. I share this earth with you unfortunately..sm
reality is what we make it. This is NOT MY reality..only yours.
share this with your people
nm
Take your share and go?? - Why doesnt he take his
I feel if someone makes you feel appreciated and loved, then you should want to be your best for them. If you are doing you best, then he has the problem and needs to lighten up or get gone.
If you really could try harder (being organized and being a healthy weight)and want to do that, then do it. (I am overweight, so this is not the advice of a person with a perfect body and I am also not organized!) You may be surprised how much better you feel about yourself and with all that new self-esteem, well just saying he better be on his toes and treat you good.
Just wanted to share...sm
I worked at a physical rehab center for 5 years. As another poster stated, the amount of improvement depends on a lot of things. However, I saw people leave or return for appts with no noticeable residual, others who still had deficits but were independent. Those who were permanently impaired learned to adapt. There are some really cool gadgets out there! One thing I learned from working at the rehab center was determination really *can* pay off. It was inspiring working there.
IF your dad needs extensive therapy, the hardest part for YOU may be keeping him motivated. So, best of luck to your dad, you and the family. Let us know how things are going.
Wanted to share
My friend who is the companion to Sophia who I pictured in lower thread just made this video, she is an amateur, it brought tears to my eyes. She rescued Sophia from the woods behind her apartment building. She and others just got through rescuing another backyard chow too, she will be beautiful one day like Sophia too. Enjoy!
I think he more than got his share of the money
How many grandchildren (other than the Hiltons maybe) get such a big amount from their gparents? I asked for a bowl and a crystal doorknob that belonged to my grandmother after her death, no money from any of my gparents. I was glad when they were given the money they got, did not work the other way around. As far as doing wrong by them, I think I had to work too much when they were growing up. I had a choice, working or being on the streets and I guess that was wrong but I always wanted more than to just be on welfare so I worked and worked a lot to see they had a home and not starve, guess I was wrong in working so much.
Yes, I will gladly pay my share of
taxes (as always) if you will quit throwing money down the toilet for your increased healthcare costs. You aren't doing us any favors. Quit lying to yourself - you lose even more than we do since you are throwing away your health for short-term comfort. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
My best way to save -- my mom and I share
the "club card" for our local grocery store (we only have 1 in our little town). We accumulate the points together and usually qualify for the higher percentage off when it's time to cash in (20% off 1 bill rather than 5%). Then we pick a day we can go together and ring our order up together. Of course we use our coupons, too. We just went 2 weeks ago and qualified for 15% off our total bill. Before coupons/discounts, our total grocery bill was $550 but after our discounts, it was only $283. We saved almost $200 ---- unbelievable but true.
Before dining out, I check the website of the restaurant we're going to for coupons. They usually offer a free appetizer and that helps to fill us up so we can order smaller meals. We have 3 kids and my 2 younger kids share a kids' meal since they can never eat a whole one themselves. I also like to order water -- that always cuts about $5 off the bill.
Remember -- if you donate clothes to Good Will/Salvation Army, it's a deductible dontation, so keep track.
Share a meal when you’re out to eat
Have you seen the portions that chain restaurants are serving up lately? There’s no secret why our society is so overweight. You’ll save your heart and your wallet by sharing a meal with your significant other. If you’re one of those people that feels bad doing it, make yourself feel better by tipping 25% to the server.
Share your recipe??
Funny - I've just recently gotten back into salsa (bad single days experience involving too much drinking and that was over 14 years ago!) Anyways, hubby loves salsa also and I would love to surprise him and make some homemade! TIA
Please share your proof
of life after death with us. I am very interested and quite sure everyone else will be also.
Yes I am sad to say I share the same experiences.
I am also 37 and post tubal x6 years. I am in the perimenopause state already. I don't know what is worse...
Anyway, I had a scare like that about 4 months ago. I really hate that. I have a friend here in town who is in about the same boat, only she discovered that she really is pregnant and fortunately she will carry a normal pregnancy. She is NOT too happy about it though. I must say I can understand. Her kids, like mine, are all teenagers now and almost out of high school. Now she gets to start all over again.
I did own a time share but
mine was bought down in Mexico. At the time I was told "nothing else owed on it" period end of sentence. Well, my debit card started getting debited X amount of dollars so often. I paid that off, closed out that card, opened up a new card and no more problems there. But, my aunt was getting calls from a collection agency because her last name matched up same name (not the first name, mind you) and trying to get her to pay a cell phone bill - my aunt in her 80s never had a cell phone- but they were endless in trying to collect someone else's debt- as long as they can get someone to pay, they don’t care. I agree with the above about challenging to prove you owe it. Also, if I am correct a place cannot call you at your business- you work from home- your business right?
Why do you feel the need to share this?
We all have our pasts as teenagers, but it is not our responsibility to tell our kids all about it. If you have good experiences not involving alcohol/drugs, then talk to them about that. I smoked as a teen and my kids would fall out if they knew that, but they are grown and I see absolutely no reason to share that with them. What I have always told them is don't take up smoking..... they have seen enough lives lost from lung cancer.
Just because you did things you would now do differently doesn't mean they need to know it but it also does not mean you still don't have the responsibility to always encourage them not to have sex before marriage and not to do drugs/alcohol/cigarettes. I've seen too many parents say they did those things so what business do they have telling their kids not to. They have EVERY responsibility to say not to.....that is their job as a parent; parents who use their past as an excuse not to properly parent are just looking for excuses anyway.
If you think you should have made better decisions, then maybe share just that remark with them but you don't have to get into details.
I did tell my kids I tried one of my grandfather's very strong brand cigarettes one day (which I did) and I got so sick I must have turned green (which I did), but I didn't bother to also tell them later on I smoked as a teen.
Your only responsibility to them is to encourage them to NOT make bad decisions and to keep their noses clean so to speak, not share your negative experiences with them where sex/alcohol/drugs are involved.
I believe she meant we could all share SM
our personal experiences or random thoughts.
I agree with comment about Angelina Jolie.
Some of us may not remember our "first time" or perhaps even care too. >)
I just had to share -- too cute!
Will let other share the present president...
…Now he is 1 that I will change the channels on, always something better to watch such as the cooking shows, animal shows. I knew the election outcome but after that and the flubbs, such as his war and Katrina, other folks can have him as their own. Being as I have never watched the "soaps" don’t have a clue as to what is preemptied there but I have choices here at home and I simply watch what I want to.
Yoohoo? MT who had date with doc? Pls. share! NM
Yes and we share the home office
So he got to pick the scents at the candle store. He likes the pine, lilac, some "ocean scent" that smells nothing like the ocean, and some cinnamon holiday-type scent. They're all cool with me and I keep one burning every night because it's just nice and I like the glow. (I'm a night worker.)
That's great! Can you share any more info on that? Thx.
Thanks.
a little story to share - a lady I know here
She went out on one date with him - went back to his place where he got nasty, grabbed her arm and threw her across a room and she ended up with a fractured wrist.
My experience with online dating is it doesn't work 95% of the time - a bunch of men online who seemingly cannot *cut the mustard* in real time are not going to change just because they are online.
Yes, I have seen folks meet up online and marry and I have seen twice as many marriages/relationships break up because of people meeting others online.
BE_VERY_CAREFUL_PLEASE!!
would you be so kind as to share that website
time share tour (m)
I received a post card in the mail for a free cruise. I had just been on a cruise and thought it was something from the cruiseline. When I called, it is a promotion for a new resort (timeshare). If you go on a 60-90 minute tour, you get the cruise and some other gifts. Have any of you done any of these promo tours and what should I expect? I have heard they are quite a hard sell. Not sure if I should cancel. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks.
i like romaine. i share it with our guinea pig...lol
Just wanted to share some Halloweed fun....sm
It has become a tradition in our neighborhood to "spook" our neighbors. Here is how it works.
First the poem
Good Evening My Friends!
The Gretting of the Ghosts are haunting your way
A cursewill be left if you fail to obey!
To ward off the curse of the dreaded Phanton Wart
You have just ONE day till you must start.
Take treats to two houses in your neighborhood.
Be sure they are tasty! Be sure they are good!
Copy a letter and a phantom for each.
Help the "spirit" spread to those you can reach.
Post the ghost of the phanton on your front door.
So others can see he has been there before.
Join the fun of the season
Keep him right in sight
Share the "spirit" of giving
Till Halloween Night!
Sincerely,
The Halloween Phantom.
Here is the rest....My dauther downloaded a picture of a ghost and printed it on an 8x10 piece of paper so we could go ahead and get started without having to make copies.
Then go to the dollar store and first get a big plastic candy bowl. In our bowl we received last night there was candy....always candy, a halloween candle, a cermic figurine of a bear dressed like a ghost, halloween clings for windows, halloween potholders, and our fav. Peeps ghosts, all which I am sure came from the dollar store. My son came home and found the bowl on front porch.
Here are some other things we have recieved in the past....candy....always candy, halloween dishtowels, stickers, bubbles, and gel pens when the kids were younger, a plant in a halloween container, chip clips, magnetic grocery lists, brownine mixes, even a halloween throw rug for the front door.
We once spooked a couple that did not have kids so we gave them some goodies as well as dog treats.
We also once spooked a family with a daughter the same age as mine so we thought we could get some really cute things. They were Jehovah's witnesses. Needless to say they did not put the pic. of the ghost on the front door.
This has been going on in this growing neighborhood for the past 5 years and everyone really seems to enjoy it.
This is also a geat idea for school teachers, dorm rooms, etc. Hope this inspires some.
just wondering if you could share where you are located...
I know a pain clinic here in my town where the doc routinely treats fibromyalgia and goes to great lengths to find solutions for her patients. If you aren't too far away, you could drive here. E-mail me if you like. Keep your chin up!
That's weird that he didn't want to share.
It's not like he can play either 24/7, right?
What did you end up getting him? To encourage sharing I would have gotten the Guitar Hero III and another guitar. It's SO much fun playing with 2 guitars.
GH is a blast. My son (26) played it at a friend's house and immediately bought one off Ebay, and I got hooked. Had to stop cold turkey, or else LOL. Then his dad -- my ex -- (55) came to visit, got hooked, bought one when he got home. When he comes up, he brings his guitar and they complete/play together. My daughter's friend came up to visit, got hooked, went home and bought one.
Yeah, for the next occasion, buy another guitar :-)
I just had to share how cute this talented cat is!
I had to post this! It's SO CUTE!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TZ860P4iTaM
Time share issues
When visiting in Mexico in the early 90s, I purchased a very low cost time share (after spending quite a long time with them trying to talk me into a very high one) and paid by credit card then. I asked then if any extra charges and was definitely told no. Well, not only have there being hidden charges, i.e. for supposed upkeep on the property- have never been able to use. For a time money was taken once a year from my credit card until I got the card paid off and then that stopped. Now I am being dunned for more money with mail coming to the house. What would you do- can you send mail back as unaccepted?
Do her parents share your concerns?-nm
I know what you mean. When I first saw it I cried for joy. Glad I could share SM
that with you. Hope tomorrow is better for you.
I am watching right now so I won't share anymore
but she is drinking this in front of the whole room. I think this is just a mistake with the props department.
can I share a situation with you I will never forget
When I was about 8 and my brother 11 he went through a really rough patch of bad behavior. My mother had it up to here one day and told him she called the police. I can remember my brother and I holding each other crying hysterically watching for the police car to pull in the driveway. My mother of course did not call the police, it was just a scare tactic. After counseling at church my brother changed his ways, but to me this was one of the most horrible memories of my childhood. I know you are at your wits end (at least I can imagine, never been through this with my own children) but please keep this in mind. Lots of luck to you.
I certainly do my fair share of lying
but i can't say that i've ever really made up anything huge but nobody has ever really called me on it either. Maybe those I lie to are either just gullible or too nice to say anything about it or maybe not good at spotting a lie. I don't know, but I do know I lie a lot. Maybe it's because of my low self-esteem, and maybe that's why people don't really call me on it, because they pity me too much.
You sound like you share my feelings for
all these wondeful creatures. Please know I said Monster in the most loving way!!! We laugh at her constantly when she manipulates and tells us what she wants! She is bound to get it, too. If we give her something and she doesn't want it at the moment she will throw it out of her beak onto the floor and then sit with her head turned with one eye staring at it. She sings because I sing to her a lot and that is just adorable. She actually puts the vibration in her voice! You are so right on about the emotions of animals. They have needs and wants, and need to be loved and have companionship. I think many times over about her future. I wish I knew you and could work with you in caring for birds. I think they so very special. Keep up what you are doing. You are really making a difference.
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