Still, one needs to step back and be objective
Posted By: get the bigger picture, maybe....sm on 2007-04-18
In Reply to: I did NOT blame his culture-reading problem? - 23 y/o Korean been in the states legally 15 yrs
This kid came to the US at age 8, probably not speaking English. His parents probably did not speak English, so he has to learn English at school. He was no surrounding by a Korean community. He was put in the middle of an English speaking neighborhood. Info coming out about his parents certainly seem that they were also loaners, so to speak, without a support system. Can you just imagine what this kid felt? If his parents have no real friends, they speak Korean, he is supposed to speak English and he, according to others, had no real friends, never socialized. So, before someone says this had nothing to do with where he came from, we have to think in this case it may had.
When a child that age is taken from his community (and he does have friends at that point), without a good support system around him, they do not flourish. The kids that had to be uprooted at that age with hurricane Katrina found themselves in other schools, other communities, no one they know. My daughter taught several of those children and I can say that they really do have resentment, bitterness, withdrawn, scared, isolated, and it comes out. Many of their parents are not coping, so how do they cope? This kid went all through school not fittng in. With that hateful play of a child killing his stepfather, I can't help but wonder if he lived with his father or stepfather, and if he didn't feel all these things after being taken from his homeland. He lived in an affluent area, which is far different than he lived in. If he never fit in, and not knowing his home life, one could open their minds to how he finally cracked.
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To: Think you should step back sm
Nah, you are not worth a reply! You get back what you put in... nothing!!!! Zilch - Hey, next time step up -- leave a REAL NAME!!! Coward!
FBI would not step-in sm
without justifiable cause, you wouldn't think... oh the gossip..... I worked with a lady that her husband was molesting the grandchildren, and he served like 20 years. She was in denial, and when he got out she took him back, and there were more grandchildren by then. What a world we live in! 
yes, that is my (our)next step.
we have 14 little kids from ages 5 to 9 in 6 different houses on my street. (2 are mine). when we bought this house 6 years ago, right before my second child was born, we were the only family with kids....this has become too too too much.
It's a serious step, but.... (sm)
if you are firmly committed to the animal it's sometimes for the best for peaceful coexistence. I had to have my first cat declawed at my mother's insistence (I still lived at home). I took a day off work and babied him as he recovered from this major surgery. After I was married, our second cat we had to have done because she couldn't understand why the other cat could scratch everything and she couldn't! I couldn't get her to stick with the scratching post, of course! We had those two for many years and after the first one died, we got a kitten, and since the second cat was never much of a "scratcher," he was easier to train and is intact. The second cat later passed away of old age and we adopted an older cat who seems to like my couch, but given that he is an escape artist, I've decided I have to live with it in case he gets out.
Another option is those little rubber caps that they have in the pet store that glue onto the claws; sometimes they can buy you some time while you work on training.
Good luck!
Step up
You need to step up here and be the parent. . Tell your husband. . Do not let your child bully/scare you into allowing her to continue this behavior. . Make her stick to your rules.. When she is staying with approved friends, call the parents and make sure she is there. . Where would she go if she left home? I doubt there is anywhere else she would be treated as well or have things as nice as she does in her own home with her loving parents. . She is a smart girl and will realize that - she is just playing you.. It is your duty to raise her in the way YOU konw is right.
Or if you step on a crack
you break your mother's back. To this day I have an OCD thing where I can't step on cracks. I wonder if this is why.
Well you just described my Step-mom, even though I love her. nm
!
HA! Me too. My son is using my step machine
!
She has a step-father who can be
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
Well, Step-One: Get it appraised by an outside
on TODAY's market, which in most areas is anywhere from 40%-50% lower than it would've appraised for 3 years ago, when home values were obscenely inflated.
Then see about the loan at the current appraisal rate, NOT what it was worth 3 years ago. Maybe you'll have better luck that way.
Friend or not, I would shy away from having the house appraised by someone who is a friend of the current owner's. That would be a conflict of interest that's better steered clear of.
Good luck!
Personally, I do not see this as a step backwards--sm
as MOST of the women seeking abortion are children themselves and only want to rid themselves of a situation they created, being oblivious and not wanting to face any consequences of..getting pregnant. In other words, they want to be able to have sex without paying any price for that, i.e. having a baby. A lot of these *children* seeking abortion should be made to see that what they are seeking to terminate is human life and if that child were born, it would be considered murder. This human life is not a *tumor* or *cyst* that must be excised to save ones own life, but is a human life all its own. Viewing an ultrasound of that baby prior to having an abortion may deter some *children* from going through with that procedure. Other than the *forcing* aspect of it, I really think it would eliminate a lot of needless abortions. More strenuous parental control on these *children* having sex in the first place would be a better alternative. JMO
Your husband needs to step up to the plate, no one else can do it!!
He needs to do it at the next opportunity. You teach people how to treat you. His silence speaks volumes to them. I feel for you. Went through something a little like this with my MIL for YEARS. She had nothing against me, just the fact that her dear son had married anyone. He finally told her to watch what she said to me or to anyone else about me because word was getting back to me or he would have no contact with her. She turned overnight into the best friend I have ever had. I have never heard her saying another bad word about me. Your husband needs to put these people on *notice* and NOW. Best of luck to you.
How wonderful to know someone like your step-uncle!
Have a great weekend with your family!
There are 6 of us, 3 boys and 3 girls, some of us are even step
We all get along fairly well actually, its some of the sistes-in-law and brothers-in-law that we cannot stand ! LOL. Thankfully, (not to be mean), but everyone, except 1 is divorced from the ones we couldnt stand and now they have found others that we get along with. My one brother is still single after his divorce.
We used to kid around "what is wrong with so-and-so? - Oh yeah, they are not like us!!"
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
x
Why a mini-strike? Keep it up and they will step up
x
Mine is to step away from the table....LOL!
nm
My step-mother was with my little brother
He was from her first marriage but my dad adopted him when he was 5. It didn't really get bad until he started junior high. She went to the shcool every year and sat down with the guidance counselor and made up his schedule. She did this all the way through high school. When he started college she wanted to go with him to sign up for his classes. I told her how embarrassing that would be for him but she said other people would just think she is an older student waiting to register. Since he was going to a local college and there would definitely be several people there that knew him as well as her we were able to talk him out of it. When he started medical school she went with him to find an apartment. Upon return she described the furnished apartment to me to a T, although she couldn't remember my dog's name LOL!. Needless to say his first wife didn't like her....but we didn't like the wife either. He current wife doesn't like her either but at the same time both times my brother married very controlling women, just like his mom. I will say this, she has gotten much much better. Thank goodness, he is now 34 and lives 8 hours away.
Step-grandchildren advice anyone?
My son and DIL have dated since my step-granddaughter was 6 months old. They would be together, break up, get back together....you get the picture. Whenever they would break up, DIL would come and get any pictures I had of my step-granddaughter because "I would just throw them away." I have completely stayed out of the situation between my son and DIL because I knew they would be back together in a couple of weeks. At first, I was VERY attached to my now step-granddaughter. I have evidently built up a wall now and I am having a very hard time being a "real" grandma to her. I feel so guilty about this but just can't seem to become attached to her. I guess I've built up some walls in fear that she will be taken away again like she had been so many times before. I know it isn't her fault. By the way, she is 8 now and they have been married for 4 years. Anyhow, they are trying to have a baby and I am so excited...but feel horribly guilty because of it. I just know in my heart that this baby will always be my grandchild. By the way, DIL's parents are divorced and they all spoil my granddaughter like it is a competition. She has every toy imaginable. I guess my question is, how do I get over it and really be a grandma to her?
Am I the Wicked Step-Mother?
I know I don't post here much but I do read and feel you are all friends. I offer prayers for those that request them and feel for those with troubles.
I would like to know what you think about my latest dilemma. I came home from town today to find a phone call from my step-daughter, age 43. She has my cell phone number but for some reason she won't call me on it. Anyway I called her back and as usual she wants money, $500. I have lent her money in the past with the promise to pay back but it never happens. I know they say if you lend money to family consider it a gift and I have. I said "no" this time and now I feel terrible. She started out by saying she had a medical bill to pay and then turned it around to a DUI fine that has to be paid by Jan. 1. She got picked up in August for a tail light out and had been drinking with co-workers. Her story. I was advised by the court not to help her so that was part of the reason I said "no". She works two part-time waitressing jobs. She's divorced and no kids. She said she would pay me back $100 a month. If that is true why couldn't she have saved $100 a month and had the money to pay the fine? She called me a few weeks ago and I know she wanted money then but she didn't come right out and ask until today.
Thanks for listening, I appreciate it.
My youngest step son was killed ........ sm
in a motorcycle accident and was almost decapitated. The mortician did a very good job with him, but there was still some evidence of the trauma he suffered. His mother chose to have an open casket because I doubt she could have dealt with it any other way. It was a very hard funeral, and hard for me as I had not seen him in quite some time and it was hard seeing him lying in a casket, but I think, hard as it was, it did help bring closure for me and for his family. I think it is a very personal decision that only the family can make at a time like this.
We're out-of-step, I think. Tree up just before Christmas.
I grew up in a large Italian immigrant community many years ago. (Not telling exactly HOW many years! :)
I loved the old customs, and that's what I stick to. In the "old country" it was about the nativity display in the house, not so much the tree. But we did have a tree that went up usually on Christmas Eve, and it came down on "Little Christmas", in January, on the Feast of the Epiphany. Leading up to Christmas, we celebrate advent and keep an advent wreath on the main table and light candles each night. We still get a real tree, and we put it up just a few days before Christmas, but it stays bare until Christmas Eve. On that night, we have a big meal which includes seven seafood dishes, then decorate the tree, go to church, and come back and eat some more. I love the food!
Sometimes it's really hard to put everything off, because it just seems that decorations go up right after Thanksgiving, and come down the day after Christmas (which is my birthday, by the way.) But I like doing just what I did with my family when I was growing up.
Congratulations! Brave step you took! Best wishes (nm)
x
I totally agree with Ship. I used to be a step-mom...
My situation was much different, though.
I think you guys need to talk and your husband needs to get his head out of his butt and let you be a step-mom to your step-son, i.e., allow discipline for one thing. I'm not saying beat the kid bloody, of course, but if you can't tell him no or make him do something, that's ridiculous.
Sounds like your husband has big issues and I know how some men are about therapy or changing in any way. Being a step-mother is NOT easy but if you want it to work and think you can make it work, steps need to be taken; this won't go away and you can't just *tolerate* having your step-son there and only being happy with your husband when step-son is not there. Much, much good luck to you.
My feeling is if you step outside the border, you're
I don't want my tax dollars spent in some rescue or investigation because you went to a country you didn't have to and that was deemed dangerous.
Why would you even ask here? Why not contact the State Department about it?
Yes, innocent tourists are killed. Are they prime targets? Haven't been in the past but in order to get ahead, put nothing past them.
I just don't see spending money to rescue anyone or trying to investigate a disappearance, etc. We have enough problems here. You're on your own.
Electrical current through foot, the other hangs in walking midway through a step, anyone else?
have this problem? I have been to numerous physicians, have been told neuropathy. I am walking so gingerly this morning around the home because know if I step flat on 1 foot (left) it will have the electrical current as happened earlier this morning. Always when walking, never with lying, sitting, etc. You never know when it will happen. The other foot (pedal foot, right) will hang in mid air sometimes when I am taking a step which makes me hop so I will not fall. Gosh, I would love to look forward to my vacation this summer but sometimes the feet ok and then other times not so good. I know the electrical current is probably nerve related but have been told so many nerves in the foot would be like looking for needle in haystack to trace down. I mostly only wear bergies and put them on as soon as I get out of bed. This is not good!!
Then they can get right back on their tires and rafts and float on back to Cuba! nm
nm
Back-to-back black swans that look like (sm)
a giant moustache. My MIL painted it for us and put our last name on it and my DH nailed it to an outside storage room door. It looks ridiculous, and when the kids have other kids over they always ask why we have a giant moustache on our door!
Hayseed was back a few weeks back
But we haven't heard from her since. I miss her too. I hope she's doing okay.
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
Well, I'm going to at least try to take it back...
...and if they don't believe me, I can't really blame them. Several years ago, they had someone return a computer and get another one, and when they opened the boxes later, they were filled with wood and rocks, etc. I'm still looking for my receipt, but not holding my breath.
My dad used to work at Lowes and he said they kept finding empty nail boxes behind the full boxes. Turns out, people were combining two boxes of nails and only paying for one. I didn't realize nails were that expensive. Who knew?
thank you so much for having my back.
for a little bit was beginning to think i was crazy/
i havent said anything to her yet, but i have to many parents and one of them spoke to teh principal who laghed it off. teh teacher, when that parent talked to her about it, said that seh goes thru this every year with parents and that teh children wanted to talk about it. i told my mom adn let me tell you, she is PO'd to say the least. tonight is our christmas program, my mom said she was going to talk to her, i think i'll be standing right next to her. i cant wait. i wish i was more vocal, adn wasnt so scared that if i did make a fuss she would treat my daughter differently. just dont know what to do here, i feel like screaming, but am too scared...isnt that silly.
MTT, you just took me back to...
that baby sweet smell of Dreft that I used when my kids were little! 
Back at ya!
Sorry took so long! Chickens rock!
Could it be your back...sm
Causing the pain in your foot? Up until just recently, I had that electric-shock feeling in my foot when I would turn it a certain way. It was excruciating! But it would only happen if I turned my foot at a certain, odd angle, like when I was stretching, so I just tried not to move it that way. It lasted for a good 2 months, then finally went away on its own.
I'm certain this was caused by whatever is going on in my back, though. In the last few years, I've started to have a lot of problems with my back. My doctor thinks it's because I have scoliosis, the degree of which is considered mild, but they're finding out now that even mild curves can cause severe pain.
Mostly my pain is from muscle spasms, but there is also definitely some "pinched nerve" type stuff going on at times. Lately I've been feeling an odd sensation almost like something is encircling my big toe on that same foot that had the shock-like pain, but it's very mild.
Anyway... maybe you could see a chiropractor? I went to one in the past, and I could really tell a difference. If I missed an appointment, I'd start to feel that sciatica-type pain down one leg. Also, a physical therapist might be able to help with exercises and tips. Insurance will usually cover that, but they don't always cover chiropractic care.
I got a TENS unit through my PCP and that helps relieve the pain, and I do stretching and strengthening exercises (I even have a DVD for yoga exercises specifically for the back and scoliosis that I *really* need to start doing.)
Anyway, just throwing out some ideas for you. I hope you can find a solution. I know that "shock" pain is horrible!
thanks - got it back
z
No. I don't think they are trying to win back--sm
their customers. This particular company has had negative reports about their products for years. Personally, I would never give this pet food to any of my pets even prior to the tainted pet food scandal just because of the negative reports about their food. They are going to be faced with a number of law suits anyway, in regard to the tainted pet products, as are probably some others. I don't think their giving away free pet food is going to win back anyone, who has a lick of sense in their head and true concern for their pets. Actually, being a pet owner, I think I would stay away from any and all of the pet food manufacturers involved in this tainted pet food business. I would no longer trust their products to be safe, no matter what the conditions after the fact. The *quality* pet food manufacturers are not on the recall list, so I would stick with them, for now. but then again, this is just my opinion.
I just got back from looking.
It was awful. As far as the chickens and the sheep, that really did not bother me at all. I grew up on a farm. They had had a party a few months ago and never cleaned up. It smelled of urine. I still have that awful smell with me. GAG. The place looked trashed. There were holes in the walls. I know you are supposed to look beyond that and I tried and tried. The fact that they knew since Monday that we were coming to look, I think they should have made an effort to make it look presentable. Even the realtor agreed with me on that. I don't feel they took us seriously. The realtor said they already came down from 130k to 125k so the potential buyer could put in new carpet or steam clean it. I tried not to make a face but Dh said I had rolled my eyes. My cousin, who knows the owner, said these people do this for a living. They buy houses, live in them for a little while then sale them for profit. I don't think they have a clue about their business. IMO.
DH looked into the attic. He said he could move the beams with his hand. He did put his face on the wall in the living room, he said it was crooked. DH said that our house is better built. I noticed cracks between the ceiling and the baseboard in the loving room but I thought maybe just the baseboard needed to be renailed. DH thinks that is an indication the house is sinking.
The only thing we liked was the living room, sun room and that shop outside. I liked the backyard but the master bedroom was too small. The one I have now is small but it is bigger than that. I want bigger, I don't want to downsize. The other two bedrooms I thought were too small as well but we could live with those if we had to.
I guess the reason they did not take us seriously and did not put out an effort was because I had already told them that 125k was too high for that neighborhood. THe realtor lady said that they had come off but evidently that 125k was their comming off price. I don't think I would want to pay 70k now, not even 50k.
Just getting back to you but the dog
had foot surgery- I saw it prior and had like a lipoma removed from its foot (have seen it since also). Apparently the dog has problems with being mobile as older dog, heavy dog (the guy fed it scraps from the table)and thus the reason for the mother giving it drugs for pain, sorta like I take ibuprofen daily because of fibro. Anyway, I appreciate the post- got email from her again this morning, about nothing really, but once I answer know it will get back to the doggie issue. Several people associated with her have sent her books, items, etc. about her enabling, so she tells me, but she will continue. I have a now deceased husband who did exactly the same- you would never have made him understand it does not help. He told me he would go to his grave and not do any differently and he did. I am not sorry for paying for the surgery but now have decided no more doggie medicine money. Thanks again!
Hey, I just got back from there
and was at the Belliago and I sure did not have freebies. Don’t you have to be one of the big rollers (or they think you are going to spend a lot at the tables) to get deals like you are talking about? Regardless of what places give away free, too spoiled to stay anywhere else now since my stays there.
I back you in everything you have said
and people who think you can ask nicely are probably the ones who have the problem children. Some kids just do not like anyone older saying jack to them. Sorry some people want to hide their heads in the sand. Their children probably don’t know how to behave either so they think youre asking/telling the kids to go was wrong. The kids would have responded the same way to either asking or telling. Poor upbringing.
No, not at all. I'm 37 and am going back SM
to school to be an ultrasound technologist. I started this path back in 1993--graduated from rad tech school in ྛ. Then I had kids and never worked in the field. Went back to school in 2000 to become a medical Transcriptionist and have been working as an MT ever since.
Now, I'm finally working toward finishing my ultrasound degree. I'm really excited about it. I sometimes worry that I'm too old, but I'm not going to let that stop me.
You can do it! 
Chickadee
I'm 60 and going back - nm
nm
I think I would think back to before it went bad (sm)
The last time you knew he was happy, and find somewhere you can spread them. A place you know he enjoyed or something like that. Before things went downhill.
Just came back and saw something
it was close to where Depends are kept, urinary incontinence supplies- for people who may can not wash their hair and it is a dry substance you put on and comb out, I believe. I have seen other things like this before also.
He should have to pay it back somehow, but (sm)
I know that doesn't help you when you have to fork over $100. Hope it all works out for you, and that he never does it again.
Oh, please, go back to bed or something (sm)
Have you ever been to NYC? I used to live about 30 minutes from there, and spent a lot of time on subways on my way to Columbia Presbyterian where DD had appts. Believe you me, it can be very confusing until you get the "lay of the land" and she sounds like she is trying to help.
No - if it comes back to your son
he may hesitate to confide in you again.
It all comes back to you
Congratulations!! and yes it does all come back to you .....I am a mother of 3 with 6 years in between each (I think I kept forgetting how it happened!) Mine are 18, 11, and 5 and each time I felt like I was going through all the nervousness for the first time!
does anybody know how to back up
save it to a disc maybe?
TIA
Of course it will come back if...
you go back to eating lots of bread, potatoes, and other high-carb foods. It is a way of living, not just a diet. I have been on it for over a year now and have lost over 20 pounds. I was not overweight, just needed to lose those last few pounds. I have my cheat days where I will eat whatever I want, maybe once or twice a week. If you love steaks and can stay away from the french fries, then it is a fairly easy diet. I don't count my carbs anymore, I just stay away from those high-carb foods and if I notice my weight going up, I will go back on induction for a few days and it comes right off.
To the original poster, the ketosis will pass. I had dizziness and shortness of breath but it passed. If you are concerned, I would consult a doctor though. If you have certain medical problems it might end up hurting you.
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