Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
Posted By: money & easy way is rob store, R U ok with that? on 2008-01-08
In Reply to: Wrong - GF
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- Wrong - GF
- Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants - money & easy way is rob store, R U ok with that?
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Who decides what "rights" are right?
We are supposed to teach being tolerant of other lifestyles and religious preferences, unless of course you believe in God, then shut up. The principals this country was built on have been shoved under the rug because it might offend someone else. In school it is wrong to pray before a meal, but only if your praying to God, if your of some other religion you may do as you please. We can no longer say "One nation under God" because someone else might not believe. My children no longer have Halloween parties at school because there is ONE child whose religion it is against. Christmas parties are off because it offends, now they have to be "winter" parties. All others who are "different" are to be tolerated and catered to, but those of us who have the same beliefs as many generations before us (the ones who built this country) are supposed to sit down and shut up? How is that teaching tolerance? If you are straight, are of a native religion to this country, believe in God, believe marriage is between a man and a woman, then you are considered intolerant and ignorant. I'm just not seeing the two-way street here.
FBI would not step-in sm
without justifiable cause, you wouldn't think... oh the gossip..... I worked with a lady that her husband was molesting the grandchildren, and he served like 20 years. She was in denial, and when he got out she took him back, and there were more grandchildren by then. What a world we live in! 
yes, that is my (our)next step.
we have 14 little kids from ages 5 to 9 in 6 different houses on my street. (2 are mine). when we bought this house 6 years ago, right before my second child was born, we were the only family with kids....this has become too too too much.
It's a serious step, but.... (sm)
if you are firmly committed to the animal it's sometimes for the best for peaceful coexistence. I had to have my first cat declawed at my mother's insistence (I still lived at home). I took a day off work and babied him as he recovered from this major surgery. After I was married, our second cat we had to have done because she couldn't understand why the other cat could scratch everything and she couldn't! I couldn't get her to stick with the scratching post, of course! We had those two for many years and after the first one died, we got a kitten, and since the second cat was never much of a "scratcher," he was easier to train and is intact. The second cat later passed away of old age and we adopted an older cat who seems to like my couch, but given that he is an escape artist, I've decided I have to live with it in case he gets out.
Another option is those little rubber caps that they have in the pet store that glue onto the claws; sometimes they can buy you some time while you work on training.
Good luck!
Step up
You need to step up here and be the parent. . Tell your husband. . Do not let your child bully/scare you into allowing her to continue this behavior. . Make her stick to your rules.. When she is staying with approved friends, call the parents and make sure she is there. . Where would she go if she left home? I doubt there is anywhere else she would be treated as well or have things as nice as she does in her own home with her loving parents. . She is a smart girl and will realize that - she is just playing you.. It is your duty to raise her in the way YOU konw is right.
Or if you step on a crack
you break your mother's back. To this day I have an OCD thing where I can't step on cracks. I wonder if this is why.
Well you just described my Step-mom, even though I love her. nm
!
To: Think you should step back sm
Nah, you are not worth a reply! You get back what you put in... nothing!!!! Zilch - Hey, next time step up -- leave a REAL NAME!!! Coward!
HA! Me too. My son is using my step machine
!
She has a step-father who can be
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
Well, Step-One: Get it appraised by an outside
on TODAY's market, which in most areas is anywhere from 40%-50% lower than it would've appraised for 3 years ago, when home values were obscenely inflated.
Then see about the loan at the current appraisal rate, NOT what it was worth 3 years ago. Maybe you'll have better luck that way.
Friend or not, I would shy away from having the house appraised by someone who is a friend of the current owner's. That would be a conflict of interest that's better steered clear of.
Good luck!
Personally, I do not see this as a step backwards--sm
as MOST of the women seeking abortion are children themselves and only want to rid themselves of a situation they created, being oblivious and not wanting to face any consequences of..getting pregnant. In other words, they want to be able to have sex without paying any price for that, i.e. having a baby. A lot of these *children* seeking abortion should be made to see that what they are seeking to terminate is human life and if that child were born, it would be considered murder. This human life is not a *tumor* or *cyst* that must be excised to save ones own life, but is a human life all its own. Viewing an ultrasound of that baby prior to having an abortion may deter some *children* from going through with that procedure. Other than the *forcing* aspect of it, I really think it would eliminate a lot of needless abortions. More strenuous parental control on these *children* having sex in the first place would be a better alternative. JMO
Still, one needs to step back and be objective
This kid came to the US at age 8, probably not speaking English. His parents probably did not speak English, so he has to learn English at school. He was no surrounding by a Korean community. He was put in the middle of an English speaking neighborhood. Info coming out about his parents certainly seem that they were also loaners, so to speak, without a support system. Can you just imagine what this kid felt? If his parents have no real friends, they speak Korean, he is supposed to speak English and he, according to others, had no real friends, never socialized. So, before someone says this had nothing to do with where he came from, we have to think in this case it may had.
When a child that age is taken from his community (and he does have friends at that point), without a good support system around him, they do not flourish. The kids that had to be uprooted at that age with hurricane Katrina found themselves in other schools, other communities, no one they know. My daughter taught several of those children and I can say that they really do have resentment, bitterness, withdrawn, scared, isolated, and it comes out. Many of their parents are not coping, so how do they cope? This kid went all through school not fittng in. With that hateful play of a child killing his stepfather, I can't help but wonder if he lived with his father or stepfather, and if he didn't feel all these things after being taken from his homeland. He lived in an affluent area, which is far different than he lived in. If he never fit in, and not knowing his home life, one could open their minds to how he finally cracked.
Your husband needs to step up to the plate, no one else can do it!!
He needs to do it at the next opportunity. You teach people how to treat you. His silence speaks volumes to them. I feel for you. Went through something a little like this with my MIL for YEARS. She had nothing against me, just the fact that her dear son had married anyone. He finally told her to watch what she said to me or to anyone else about me because word was getting back to me or he would have no contact with her. She turned overnight into the best friend I have ever had. I have never heard her saying another bad word about me. Your husband needs to put these people on *notice* and NOW. Best of luck to you.
How wonderful to know someone like your step-uncle!
Have a great weekend with your family!
There are 6 of us, 3 boys and 3 girls, some of us are even step
We all get along fairly well actually, its some of the sistes-in-law and brothers-in-law that we cannot stand ! LOL. Thankfully, (not to be mean), but everyone, except 1 is divorced from the ones we couldnt stand and now they have found others that we get along with. My one brother is still single after his divorce.
We used to kid around "what is wrong with so-and-so? - Oh yeah, they are not like us!!"
Why a mini-strike? Keep it up and they will step up
x
Mine is to step away from the table....LOL!
nm
My step-mother was with my little brother
He was from her first marriage but my dad adopted him when he was 5. It didn't really get bad until he started junior high. She went to the shcool every year and sat down with the guidance counselor and made up his schedule. She did this all the way through high school. When he started college she wanted to go with him to sign up for his classes. I told her how embarrassing that would be for him but she said other people would just think she is an older student waiting to register. Since he was going to a local college and there would definitely be several people there that knew him as well as her we were able to talk him out of it. When he started medical school she went with him to find an apartment. Upon return she described the furnished apartment to me to a T, although she couldn't remember my dog's name LOL!. Needless to say his first wife didn't like her....but we didn't like the wife either. He current wife doesn't like her either but at the same time both times my brother married very controlling women, just like his mom. I will say this, she has gotten much much better. Thank goodness, he is now 34 and lives 8 hours away.
Step-grandchildren advice anyone?
My son and DIL have dated since my step-granddaughter was 6 months old. They would be together, break up, get back together....you get the picture. Whenever they would break up, DIL would come and get any pictures I had of my step-granddaughter because "I would just throw them away." I have completely stayed out of the situation between my son and DIL because I knew they would be back together in a couple of weeks. At first, I was VERY attached to my now step-granddaughter. I have evidently built up a wall now and I am having a very hard time being a "real" grandma to her. I feel so guilty about this but just can't seem to become attached to her. I guess I've built up some walls in fear that she will be taken away again like she had been so many times before. I know it isn't her fault. By the way, she is 8 now and they have been married for 4 years. Anyhow, they are trying to have a baby and I am so excited...but feel horribly guilty because of it. I just know in my heart that this baby will always be my grandchild. By the way, DIL's parents are divorced and they all spoil my granddaughter like it is a competition. She has every toy imaginable. I guess my question is, how do I get over it and really be a grandma to her?
Am I the Wicked Step-Mother?
I know I don't post here much but I do read and feel you are all friends. I offer prayers for those that request them and feel for those with troubles.
I would like to know what you think about my latest dilemma. I came home from town today to find a phone call from my step-daughter, age 43. She has my cell phone number but for some reason she won't call me on it. Anyway I called her back and as usual she wants money, $500. I have lent her money in the past with the promise to pay back but it never happens. I know they say if you lend money to family consider it a gift and I have. I said "no" this time and now I feel terrible. She started out by saying she had a medical bill to pay and then turned it around to a DUI fine that has to be paid by Jan. 1. She got picked up in August for a tail light out and had been drinking with co-workers. Her story. I was advised by the court not to help her so that was part of the reason I said "no". She works two part-time waitressing jobs. She's divorced and no kids. She said she would pay me back $100 a month. If that is true why couldn't she have saved $100 a month and had the money to pay the fine? She called me a few weeks ago and I know she wanted money then but she didn't come right out and ask until today.
Thanks for listening, I appreciate it.
My youngest step son was killed ........ sm
in a motorcycle accident and was almost decapitated. The mortician did a very good job with him, but there was still some evidence of the trauma he suffered. His mother chose to have an open casket because I doubt she could have dealt with it any other way. It was a very hard funeral, and hard for me as I had not seen him in quite some time and it was hard seeing him lying in a casket, but I think, hard as it was, it did help bring closure for me and for his family. I think it is a very personal decision that only the family can make at a time like this.
We're out-of-step, I think. Tree up just before Christmas.
I grew up in a large Italian immigrant community many years ago. (Not telling exactly HOW many years! :)
I loved the old customs, and that's what I stick to. In the "old country" it was about the nativity display in the house, not so much the tree. But we did have a tree that went up usually on Christmas Eve, and it came down on "Little Christmas", in January, on the Feast of the Epiphany. Leading up to Christmas, we celebrate advent and keep an advent wreath on the main table and light candles each night. We still get a real tree, and we put it up just a few days before Christmas, but it stays bare until Christmas Eve. On that night, we have a big meal which includes seven seafood dishes, then decorate the tree, go to church, and come back and eat some more. I love the food!
Sometimes it's really hard to put everything off, because it just seems that decorations go up right after Thanksgiving, and come down the day after Christmas (which is my birthday, by the way.) But I like doing just what I did with my family when I was growing up.
Congratulations! Brave step you took! Best wishes (nm)
x
I totally agree with Ship. I used to be a step-mom...
My situation was much different, though.
I think you guys need to talk and your husband needs to get his head out of his butt and let you be a step-mom to your step-son, i.e., allow discipline for one thing. I'm not saying beat the kid bloody, of course, but if you can't tell him no or make him do something, that's ridiculous.
Sounds like your husband has big issues and I know how some men are about therapy or changing in any way. Being a step-mother is NOT easy but if you want it to work and think you can make it work, steps need to be taken; this won't go away and you can't just *tolerate* having your step-son there and only being happy with your husband when step-son is not there. Much, much good luck to you.
My feeling is if you step outside the border, you're
I don't want my tax dollars spent in some rescue or investigation because you went to a country you didn't have to and that was deemed dangerous.
Why would you even ask here? Why not contact the State Department about it?
Yes, innocent tourists are killed. Are they prime targets? Haven't been in the past but in order to get ahead, put nothing past them.
I just don't see spending money to rescue anyone or trying to investigate a disappearance, etc. We have enough problems here. You're on your own.
Electrical current through foot, the other hangs in walking midway through a step, anyone else?
have this problem? I have been to numerous physicians, have been told neuropathy. I am walking so gingerly this morning around the home because know if I step flat on 1 foot (left) it will have the electrical current as happened earlier this morning. Always when walking, never with lying, sitting, etc. You never know when it will happen. The other foot (pedal foot, right) will hang in mid air sometimes when I am taking a step which makes me hop so I will not fall. Gosh, I would love to look forward to my vacation this summer but sometimes the feet ok and then other times not so good. I know the electrical current is probably nerve related but have been told so many nerves in the foot would be like looking for needle in haystack to trace down. I mostly only wear bergies and put them on as soon as I get out of bed. This is not good!!
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
x
Do think being parent alone protects someone from
x
any parent who ever let their kid idolize her should be.....
nm
were you a single parent
x
Please tell me I am not the only parent to feel this way
I am a mother of 3 children a boy 18, a girl 11, and a boy 5. In my home, driving is not a right of passage, it is a privilege. You must obey house rules, keep your grades up, and you have to purchase your own vehicle. You must also have a job to pay for insurance and gas, as we are not a bank or an ATM machine at your disposal. If you cannot follow the above, umm sorry 'bout your luck!
Am I the only parent out there with children that sees no point in cell phones for kids, especially for the younger ones. I swear most of the kids my daughter's age DO have one and she is 11. Am I one of the few who monitors what their children watch on TV? Am I the only parent that makes their children earn time for video games and then has a set time limit for it when they do get to play? Am I the only mother in the world who thinks its horrible to let your daughter run around in clothing with words across the behind?? Seriously who do you think is looking at this and why do you want to draw attention to your child's rear end? Ooohhh ya and all the parents who sign their kids up for little league things and dump and run. These practices and events are not free babysitting!!! I honestly know of a few mothers that take their daughters to gymnastics and leave them there and go down to the bar and grill and have a few drinks while they wait for their kids!
Okay, so I know it sounds like I am whining, but I have had enough! I am tired of being told by other parents that I am a prude, I need to catch up to the times, and the one I hate most of all is "our kids need us to be their friends"! I have a responsibility to my children to RAISE them.
My children and I all have good relationships. We talk about everything under the sun. They come to me with most of their troubles or questions and know they have nothing to fear, I will hear anything and answer them openly and honestly.
That can be done without letting the "tail wag the dog" so to speak. Are ppl to busy or so self-absorbed anymore to take the time to raise their children?
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
I see nothing wrong with asking your parent
This was my father and I was his next of kin. You try to make it sound dramatic as if he were dying. He was in excellent health with no medical issues at all. He had no other family members except for grandchildren, nieces and nephews. No wife, no siblings. I asked if I outlived him could I have the property. He lived out of state. When I asked him he did a quick deed, I paid for all insurance on the property as well as property taxes for about 4 years prior to his getting killed in an accidental death. I only wish I had asked my mother prior to her death (being as I was her only living child) if I could have had her personal belongings. I did not get those and should have. I learned when she died not to hold back if you want something. Now really, how would you feel if you were an only child and was bypassed with things that rightfully should be yours in the first place. Even in a court of law, a child comes first before others in who gets what when it comes to things like this. Don’t get on your soap box.
No one except a parent can understand, eh??!! sm
Ridiculous, with just a hint of "gotta-belong-to-my-club" elitism tossed in. Any sentient and compassionate human being can understand the issues, perhaps even better than someone whose judgment is emotionally clouded, and including the travesty that false hope and half-truths cause every day in the medical industry. (Hint: Go stand at the Mexican border where you can collect the sad stories.)
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that ESC research should not go forward. I was merely giving the rest of the facts about the dismal history and science of ESC research so far that Obama so conveniently omitted, and saying that we need to do this with protections for embryos in place.
I was just giving you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey used to say. I'm sorry if it's an "inconvenient truth", and despite my reservations, I do wish the very best for your child just as I do for the unborn embryos now at increased risk.
You don’t seem to be a strong parent
With teenage drinking, driving and the like, why even take the chance of having a diaster in the making waiting around the corner. I just do not see my ever wimping out to my child's father or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don’t want to look like the bad guy but here I think you really do.
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
Glad you recognize it's the PARENT here
and not this CHILD who is probably miserable being the way he is!
You MAY have tried everything possible not to ostracize him (without jeopardizing your kids' safety) but consider if there is a way to HELP him - he is probably desparate for the RIGHT kind of attention.
Think about it. and consider what type of ADULT he might turn out to be if no NORMAL adults try to help him.
Just the weight issue alone is a sign this family is in trouble.
GOOD luck.
Isn't that sad? And touch & parent's voices are
s
In his case 1 parent dishonored himself
The guy's mother was fine with his name change. The father had 11 children and get this, had a whole separate family on outside. His little scheme came to an end when the mother found out and divorce ended that. So a name change "dishonors" a "dishonest" father. Your post does not fly in this situation. Sometimes parents cannot be honored- I know my own father molested my granddaughter- should I still honor him because of his being my father?? Think not.
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