Stay together for the children - yes or no? (sm)
Posted By: Carolina MT on 2008-03-24
In Reply to:
Husband and I have been on the verge of divorce for years, trying to stay for kids. But now we can't seem to stop arguing for more than a week at a time. He is including me in none of the decision making and acts as though we are already divorced. I am worried about the effects divorce would have on my children, emotionally, financially. But part of me is ready to just plunge into the unknown. I almost feel like I don't have a choice. Would appreciate opinions and viewpoints either way.
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Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
I should mention that I am 42, have 2 children and done with having children. nm
nm
You must a) not have children or b) your children are young
I don’t see them as being spoiled- I see lots of kids in the age group of one (30+) who are totally in the me scene, not just the 1 I have- she married and her husband same - a me type person. The other not spoiled but just got nasty when he did not get the money left to me and he thought he should. Just to think, this was my chosen 1 if I had to choose. Oh well, live and let live is the way I see things now.
Normally, this would be something I would try to stay out of, but (sm)
I would think if you called CPS and explained things just the way you did here, they might be able to do something to keep the aunt away, and parenting classes for the parents wouldn't hurt either. I agree with the other poster who said if parents (or you) act first, anything the aunt did at a later time would be considered retaliation. Handicapped parents many times can be the best parents, but it sounds like they do need some help with setting boundaries.
I think I would stay put if I were you. He knows where the
door is and can use it if he chooses. Your first concern has to be your children and you should not have to find a place to live if he is the one who has the problem with you. If there is no adultery involved here, don't rush into divorce. Divorce is painful and can get nasty. Sometimes just being away from each other can "calm the waters" and allow you to make a more objective decision. I speak from experience. My husband and I divorced very hastily when we were very young after less than 2 years of marriage and then remarried, had 2 children, divorced very hastily again and then remarried again. Had I just been a little less in a hurry I could have saved myself a hiney-load of money and a lot of heartache by just being away for a while and then making an objective decision. Instead, I rushed into divorce and paid dearly. 
Stay away from CC....
If you have been having problems meeting the minimum payment on any CC, by all means don't go opening another credit card. Your credit report will be an absolute mess. I know it's 0% interest for one year, but read the fine print - there is usually a fee of some type, plus, can you pay it off in one year before the interest starts up? You never know what will happen in life and you may not be able to make the payments, the rate goes up, and you are in deep doo-doo.
Sallie Mae is high interest, your 401K is better. With 401K you are paying yourself back with interest. It's a no-brainer. No one gets your money but you. Is it possible to borrow again from a 401K if you already have a loan out? Having the money deducted automatically from your paycheck and put back into your 401K is the safest and smartest bet...as long as you have a job.
If you ABSOLUTELY have to have this other loan for $7,000 then the 401K should be your only choice. Can you do without the $7,000 and get back on track before getting deeper into debt - or at least until you pay off the existing credit card?
Why would you want to stay...
with someone who is, as you say, mean? If you are not happy, LEAVE! When you stay you are condoning his behavior. Some women want to be martyrs, others want to live a great life. There are great men out there; wallowing in self-pity does not get you one though.
Well, obviously we don't want to stay
somewhere where there's still a lot of damage. That's why I'm asking for personal experiences, and hopefully recently. We don't want to book a beach house and when we get there find out it's in the middle of a big mess.
stay vs go
First, I am so sorry for your situation...that being said, the kids will definitely pick up on the negative vibes between you and your husband. As far as your question goes, I think only you and your husband can know the answer to that one. Just be very aware of your kids and behavior changes, emotional lability, etc. Trust me when I say, they are not dumb...they will pick up on what's going on, no matter how hard you try to hide it (yes, I'm speaking from experience...). Good luck!
You definitely need to stay on top of this...
The kids who you think are least likely to commit suicide are the ones that actually do...that is not meant to scare you by any means...most kids find it easier to write down their feelings than actually expressing them face to face so the fact that he wrote this means something is bothering him...I think you should both talk to your pastor..good luck...(((HUGS)))...
I think you should just stay out of it.
It is just humiliating for kids when their parents act up or cause a scene.
The name of the game is fun. Your going into the game wanting your son's team to beat the other team because of YOUR issues with another parent is very immature and selfish.
Trust me, we've watched parents like you've described yourself (and others, in fairness) acting out and it is so unsportsman-like and completely immature.
Embarrassing for everyone.
To Done: STAY !
No husband is perfect, we are all human. Your husband has a lot of good qualities. Think of your children! I think you are spoiled and unthankful. Maybe he is right and is better than you. He loves you, why don't you; I think you are just bored.
If I don't have anywhere to go, I stay
in my jammies. I usually get up and take the kids to school in jeans and my jammy shirt. Then come home and put the jammy pants back on. If I don't have anywhere to go, I don't get dressed until mid afternoon when I break for lunch. I usually put something in the oven and hop in the shower. Sometimes I just put clean jammies on, sometimes I get fully dressed. Either way, my contacts go in and my hair gets done. My husband likes me either way, as long as I'm clean. I find I wear my jammies more in the winter and am more likely to get dressed in the summer, probably because kids are always coming and going in the summer.
At any rate, I tend to be more productive when I'm dressed, so I should probably try to do that every morning, but I'm just not a morning person. Every year for Christmas, my mom gets me "work clothes" (jammies)!!!
Where we stay in NYC.
We stay at the Embassy Suites on North End Avenue right in the financial district. It is walking distance to to the Village, China Town, Mulberry Street, etc. It overlooks the Harbor and you can see the all the helicopters coming in and out. My husband always goes to Battery Park to watch the helicopters. It is not too inexpensive, but you do get free breakfast and there is a happy hour at 5:00 p.m. if you like to have a few drinks, which will really cost you in the city. There is also a fantastic deli 1 block away that we always hit for a late night snack. We go at least once per year, sometimes twice or 3 times. We love it.
You really have to stay on top of the cards
I do a lot of card flipping with balance transfers but also calling and trying to negotiate new deals. I just switched one with a balance transfer at 3.9 for the life of balance and then talked them down to a purchase rate of 8.9 (it had been up in the high teens). I also talked a card I've had a while into a 2.9 for the life of a balance transfer instead of the 12 month offer they were having because there was a delay in the electronic transfer to the other company causing me a bit of inconvenience. That transfer was actually for a loan I had at a pretty high interest rate, so some loans can be put on cards too which I never knew. I find websites that list ALL the latest offers for all or most card companies and I'm always checking. Sometimes I call my cards and tell them I am thinking about switching unless they can give me a similar/better rate or deal. Often they will so as not to lose the business. I have saved a ton of money doing this - it is sort of like consolidating on your own. I can post the site if anyone is interested, don't have it handy right now. Oh..I also have automatic electronic payment setup to pay a certain amount each month from my checking so the payment is NEVER late. You are so right about that, that's where they get you! I just thought maybe some of this info may help someone, I hope so. My credit is very good now but had been a mess in the past.
Remind me to stay
 away from that doctor!!!
Did he marry her so he could stay in the U.S.? nm
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I go there frequently and would not stay in
the Flamingo. It is right downtown but a very old place, the smoke when you go into the casino is terrible, not as classy as I like. It might be cheap but then you get what you pay for. I love the Mirage, stayed at Treasure Island, very nice also, favorite though is the Bellagio, more expensive than most on the strip. Love the buffet at the Luxor. MGM might be alright and at the end of most of the strip but I would think ok as far as a place to stay.
To make it stay that way
If you want everything on your computer bigger: right mouse click on your desktop background. A little box should pop up. Click on 'properties'. Then click on the settings tab. There should be a little sliding scale with the screen resolution. Move it to less resolution (left). Then click 'apply'. Your screen may black out for a second, but when it comes back, everything should be bigger. Certainly saved my eyeballs!!
Also if you stay away you are letting him win(sm)
As that seems to be his goal -I would not let him keep me from seeing the rest of my family. However, I also would not want my children exposed to his mouth, so if you cannot stay in a hotel,I would go and visit without your children, which I do sometimes as well. I see my family about twice a year, usually once by myself and once with the kids, at which time we stay in a hotel.
Its wise to stay away
I had a C-section and had planned to stay at my mom's for a week or so to recuperate. As soon as I got there, I put the baby in the cradle in the living room and started to put some things away in the bedroom. I could hear my step-dad saying "get 'im, get 'im" to his dog....I went out there and he was actually encouraging his schnauzer to mess with the baby! I came real close to braining him with a can of tomatoes over it. I left and refused to bring the baby to their house as long as he was in it. My mom, too, chose the step-dad over her kids. Now he's dead and her relationship with her kids is rocky, and she regrets it.
Need help with a dog that will NOT stay off furniture (sm)
We have a black lab in the house - had him since he was a puppy. He was/is not allowed to be on the couch and other furniture but....he considers it a challenge. If I am in my office, he will get on the couch and jumps down as soon as he hears me walking into the family room. I don't know how to make him stay off. He is a very smart dog and we challenge him in other ways with training. One of my kids will be home for the holidays and has allergies. The dog hair on everything is getting to me real quick! He is 2 years old now. Forget the dog bed - he looks at it and laughs!! 
Can help you on this, we stay at the Bellagio
and hear that is higher up on the scale of rates.
Do NOT stay just because of the age of your kids.
Being unhappy does affect your kids, whether you are abused or not.
3 yrs and 3 months. Stay over every other
xx
I'd try to stay calm, but (sm)
One thing I told my now-husband years ago was that I had to have honesty enough to know if he needed something from me that I was not giving, that he was not to go looking elsewhere for something without asking for it at home.
In this day and age, with STDs being they are, there is no excuse for adultery. It's not just thoughtless and hurtful, it's irresponsible with someone's life.
As far as being calm, I'm just not sure temper or tears works in a situation like that. I think many men "turn you off" when you get in that situation and nothing gets heard or accomplished, and something needs to get resolved with you guys PDQ.
me either. I'll stay right where i am!
xx
Stay away from Effexor --- Run from it!!!
A little background history: I am married and had just had my third child 6 months before this. I was juggling 1 PT office job, 1 PT MT job at home, and 1 per diem job in a clinic 2-3 days a week. I felt overwhelmed dealing with my 3 jobs and my 3 kids, then ages 5, 2-1/2 and 6 months. I went to my doctor and told her about my stress and the mood swings especially during my period.
I was started on Effexor 5 years ago this month. At first, I was kind of afraid of it and didn't really notice any difference with it. After taking it a week or 2, I decided to stop. I just quit taking it cold turkey. About 24 hours after my last dose, the problems started. First the awful headache came and then the lightheadedness and vomiting. I immediately took one and lied down for the rest of the evening. I decided I would just stay on them until my next doctor's visit. Several months later, when I saw my doctor again, she asked how it was going and I said fine. I decided to stay on them, thinking I needed them.
After a couple of years of being on Effexor, I began to notice breakouts of acne on my face. I'm not talking a few pimples around my period; I mean serious almost bullous-like breakouts on my face continuously. Now I had never had acne in high school or after that until now. I also gained about 50 pounds, probably partly my fault, but a lot of blogs I read also noted this. But most concerning were the "brain tingles" I felt at odd times. At any rate, after 5 years of being on it, I was ready to stop. I began to realize that my problems couldn't be solved by a pill and that I needed to change myself and the way I dealt with stress (I'm not suggesting that's what you need to do).
Remembering the problem I had initially when I tried to stop the Effexor, I scheduled a visit with my doctor. She gave me a taper and I started it. At first, I was okay -- just taking it once a day every 2 days and then skipping a day. But when I was supposed to take it just every other day, I noticed the same problems - headaches, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting. I called my doctor back and she suggested a slower taper again. We tried with no success. After much research on the internet, I asked my doctor to prescribe a single dose of Prozac to counteract the withdrawal effects. After a lot of discussion, she agreed to do so.
I took my last Effexor on December 18, 2007, and I will never, ever, ever take that medication again. I also will never take another medication without fully knowing the side effects as well as the withdrawal process of it. I strongly urge you to research any drug your doctor prescribes fully before beginning it. I wish I had. I only hope there are no long-term side effects of Effexor that have yet to be unveiled.
I can stay up as late as I want to - I go to bed between around 1:30 a.m.
I hated going to be early when I was little. Now 40 years later I'm rebelling.
Don't stay angry, instead get EVEN.
been there, done that. no need to be in a hurry, either. if you take months or even years to get even, you have just that much more time to come up with something truly memorable.
or, you can do something swift and simple, like blocking their emails on your pc as spam.
Just a Coke for me --- I stay away from the
I would tell her to stay if she had something good there
but apparently this "man" has put the move on 2 of her sisters. I have a wonderful marriage so definitely not against a man- I am against a woman putting up with a man like this who apparently does not respect his wife, her family and on and on.
Oh, stay with me Diana-
I'm so young and you're so old This, my darling I've been told I don't care just what they say 'Cause forever I will pray You and I will be as free As the birds up in the trees Oh, please, stay by me, Diana. Nah, never heard of any of them. I love, love, love Paul's songs. I know he tours up north and would love to see him in Vegas sometime. He has never come south as far as I know.
Then stay with the renters you have there
No skin off my back.
I would stay away from the Kias -
They are a hassle to deal with as far as your warranties. If you do not have all your maintenance/service done at their businesses, they will void your warranty. In my town, Walmart will not even change the oil in Kias anymore because of liability issues.
Also, sometimes they say free tires and free oil changes for life, but the oil changes are not free (the labor is, but not the parts and oil they use) and the free tires are at their discretion. My daughter bought a new Kia and one of the tires kept going flat. They would not replace it because it still had more tread than their specifications. She ended up having to buy a new tire within a couple of months.
You should be thankful that he wants to stay home--sm
SOMEtimes, having outside activities leads to OTHER recreational activities that are not conducive to a happy marriage. I would be very happy to have a stay-at-home husband. JMO. :^)
yes, and now they stay off cuz my fingers are swollen
lol...working me like a dog.
I definitely think having her stay in hospital overnight would be best.
(nm(
Do you have any family or friends you can stay with? I do not
know where you are, but there are many options for battered women (both physically and mentally) and I can help guide you on who to get in touch with in your area if you give me an area to look. PLEASE feel free to e-mail and I will help if I can. I do remember your posts from awhile ago and I was thinking then that the situation was going nowhere but worse, so please think of your sanity and the fact that what is going on in that house is DEFINITELY spilling over onto the children.
what happens when you stay in typing mode
Had to share. Friend of mine has two sisters 1 with a 2y/o and a 5 mon. old and the other with a 1 y/o. First one thought she was pregnant again. Second is just a snooty lil'heifer. Anyway she was IMing me about an hour ago. We were talking about her new job and right out of the blue said..."brb phone". Then came back with "my flu infested sister calling to see what I got for VD".
I had a fit and said. "Serious VD? OMG your mom will die. Why drive 80 miles for some medicine, why not go to the doctor...I cannot believe she of all peope has revealed that information."
She cracked up and came back with
"No stupid...Valentines Day!"
Priceless... I would have never gotten Valentines Day from VD...Maybe VD on Valentines Day! Sometimes you've just got to give it a rest! Must get more sleep!
All I can say is stay on her butt as long
as you have to. I started smoking when I was 15 and I wish someone would have stopped me cause quitting was the hardest thing to do in my life! Honestly, smoking takes over a person's life and I read once that they compare cigarette addiction to being as strong as heroin addiction. I believe it.
By the way, she was probably just ripping off the filter to make the cigarette stronger. I remember trying that a couple of times.
I totally disagree with you about where she should stay
Did you watch the ongoings on the trial today? Stern came across as a drug pusher, Larry completely believable. i think they ought to do as Larry said, she wanted to be buried in California, probably close to Marily Monroe (Forest Lawn, I believe) but my goodness, Stern does not have a say in any of this really. The mother is her next of kin period. I think they would do with exhuming her son's body and returning to the states, then they could be buried side by side. I think the judge ticked off with Stern, he was so evasive. When asked about if he knew about Anna N. doing drugs, he side stepped all around that. I think Stern was the one who made the money off the person, not her mother. Watch the court proceedings, OK?
I loved it when my grandkids used to stay
with me. Always knew what the next days dress was, no fussing or fighting about who had who to wear- could care less what the children liked or did not like- very simple- they just laid out their own clothes for the next day, simple for everyone.
Most of her stories should stay in her family
just nutsy. Having the ability to breastfeed makes absolutely no difference in how a child turns out, the upbringing does and this entire family just sounds bonkers. I am really loving the posts about bringing drinks to the team, HA and point and shoot like machine guns, HA, HA.. Great posts you all.....
Stay at home mothers
Dont you just love this. Just saw an article on stay at home mothers and how much they should be paid for their work week, think they said $183,000 plus- get this- they were saying how much time they put in each week for their work, how hard it was and the interviewing showing scads of mothers with their children at the play grounds, swinging, running around, just seemed to be having a good ole time to me. Ah, just to be a stay at home mother, nothing like that hard work!
I would stay off if you're not going to Disney (sm)
Have you ever been to Disney? Obviously it's your family's decision, but one NEVER outgrows Disney! My mom used to pay for tickets for all of us (mom, my DD, and me) in return for me pushing her around EVERY park in a wheelchair ;-) She was 65.
Again, it's your decision, but I've been to Disney and Universal many, many times and Disney is just so much more classy, from the rides to the way visitors are treated.
Universal does have a lot of coasters, but Disney has a pretty good array... omg the Rockin' Roller Coaster (or whatever it's called) and Tower of Terror (not a coaster but the most incredible ride I've ever been on).
I'm sure you'll have a great time no matter what you do. Orlando is full of amusement!
International Drive would probably be a good location. Lots of stuff around there, like the poster above said, and you can walk around. It's nice :-)
HAVE FUN!
I stay at Harrah's all the time
I stay at Harrah's all the time because they comp me and I pay nothing and now that they are with The Flamingo, Caesar's, Paris, Rio I get comps there also. My neighbor just stayed at the Flamingo and got married two months ago and said it was very nice. Sorry I do not consider them seedy.
Now I start on my quest to let everyone know, STAY AWAY
I bought my furniture at Fine Furniture Discounters in Forest Park, Georgia but they also have 3 other stores here, around the Atlanta area, really pretty furniture but having said that and all the trouble I went through, never again and would tell no one else to buy from them. I purchased dinette 4/1/06, never delivered, would not give money back, went to court, got judgement, they never showed in court, did not answer summons. I was told I would not get back my money from them- no refunds?? Made no sense to me either. Went with deputy sheriff to get furniture Tuesday, they offered check that afternoon, did not have until the next day, gave me bad check, could bounce all the way around the block, took 3 x to the bank and never had the money in the bank- went back to the store again- I was giving them until Friday morning to make check good or else gonna swear out warrant for person who wrote. They had the CASH ready for me when i got there today- wanted the check and I counted my money twice before I gave the check back to them. People, DO NOT EVER give up on your rights, what you believe to be honest and if worse came to worse I was planning on picketing their store. It had gotten down to the principle of things. Thanks to each and every 1 of you who gave suggestions because i really, really listened and tried to see if there were steps I could take by your suggestions. I told my hubs next time I buy furniture I want to cash and carry Thanks again, group - you are sensational!
Stay away from anyone who tells you to snap out of it...
they are the ones who truly need help! I lost my dad and a grandson within a day of each other 18 months ago and still have not gotten over it. Granted, it is not on my mind as often as it was at first, but it is still everyday that I think about them. I truly have not had a good grief session over it. My doc said it will happen when I least expect it. He also suggested grief counseling and I am now starting to think I do need it. I am sorry for your loss. When our parents go it just reminds us of our own mortality. Good luck to you.
They both stay inside, but the one is 8 years old
The vet told me before when he tried to shred one of my min-pins that they don't usually recommend declawing a cat that old. Any opinions on that?
I think I will probably stay here until that day comes. I hate moving. nm
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