Stay away from anyone who tells you to snap out of it...
Posted By: lmmt on 2007-07-25
In Reply to: Has anyone ever used online resoureces to help with grief? sm - Needing some help
they are the ones who truly need help! I lost my dad and a grandson within a day of each other 18 months ago and still have not gotten over it. Granted, it is not on my mind as often as it was at first, but it is still everyday that I think about them. I truly have not had a good grief session over it. My doc said it will happen when I least expect it. He also suggested grief counseling and I am now starting to think I do need it. I am sorry for your loss. When our parents go it just reminds us of our own mortality. Good luck to you.
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what??? He walks out on his mom when she tells him to stay in the house, and do not ground him????
I am sorry, but she was absolutely right to ground him. He is hanging around with kids that are way older than him and drinking... You think it is okay to let that go?? I say he needs to learn that he is not the one in charge of this family and thatn Mom is... Every family has rules for their children and if the rules for that family are broken, it is the responsiblity of the parents to dish out the consequences. Yes encourage the good behavior and by all means tell them that you love them unconditionally every day (several times), but you are not their buddy, you are their parent
SNAP OUT OF IT???? That's crazy . .sm
The people who said that to you don't care about you, and have absolutely no compassion. I took a grieving class at a local hospital when my dad died years ago. It was the best thing I ever did. With a job and very, very young children, it was hard for me to take the time to grieve. Don't push it aside, you need to let the moment hit you and work through it. It's harder to grieve when you push it back. . . Check your local hospital, also, it was an awesome support group and helped tremendously. God Bless You. Don't let ANYONE tell you to snap out of it or get over it. You NEVER "GET OVER IT", you will always, always miss her.
Snap judgments are unfair. nm
///
Back in 1990 we had an unusual cold snap, and (sm)
the lakes & ponds here froze over, as well as local swimming pools. It showed on the news that people were ICE-SKATING on one of the lakes in Golden Gate Park!
yeah, why don't you just snap your fingers and magically make another job appear?
x
"Oh Snap!" kind of bugs me but then I remember I'm getting older :-) (sm)
I am sure every generation has little catchy phrases like that which the older generations don't like. But I thought about the "Oh Snap" thing and really they aren't saying anything bad, so I guess it's okay and I'm just getting older!
HAHAHA, so that tells me they went
you're so funny.....
this kinda tells me that Tommy Chen's specifically went and sought out cats/dogs to serve up to the public...OMG - I'm nauseated...
I love Asian food today but I never order chicken in Chinese restaurants...I'l order shrimp because a shrimp looks like a shrimp....cannot be something else made to look like a shrimp.......*lol* Also, eating lots of Thai these days, versus Chinese....because I never got over what THEY did up there in NY....and I'm older than dirt *laughs*
my gyne tells me that he has one pt who
My gynecologist tells me he has a patient who is well over 75 who calls him all the time still having hot flashes.....
does it EVER end? I started my hot flashes probably at 38, done with menopause by 51-52...and am still hot flashing at night mostly in sleep, sweats actually....and I'm still in my 50s......
perhaps it never does end.....ut-oh..... 
Do what your heart tells you
Just my opinion, but I think you should do what your heart tells you. Sounds lame and cliche, but I think you know what I mean. If you're not happy, then you should seek happiness. I'm not one to say "DIVORCE!" but perhaps some time apart may rekindle what you both once felt. Absence makes the heart grow fonder OR out of sight, out of mind, right? You'll know which one it is once you try it. Staying for your children is not always the best thing, especially if they can see you're both not happy. They should see what a good marriage is like: loving, sharing, giving and NOT demeaning. I don't dare judge you, and I pray you find what your heart desires.
Yes...he tells me he is on fishing trips and that (sm)
there is no cell service there, so I can't call him, or reach him even if there was an emergency. And he does not call to check on us either.
I think it's how the "leader" TELLS them to wear it. UGH! - nm
My raunchy husband who tells
me he cannot get home because the "girls" have him tied down and then when I say he is really going to get it when he gets home, he says that is already happening. He is a mess.
Reminds me of a story my mom tells ---
My mother and grandfather were traveling and stopped at a coffee shop to get a quick snack. When my mother got to the table, my grandfather was putting sugar and cream in his coffee. My mother asked him when he started putting all that in his coffee as she had always known him to drink coffee black. He told her he really liked it black and not with all that stuff in it, but since he was paying for it he was going to use it!!!
If the school tells you to go to parenting classes
Is that a step away from the school calling the CPS? I visited my aunt at a resturant she was telling me about her children's children. She said the 12 yo was acting up really bad in school and he is about to get thrown out. Every word out of that woman's mouth was it is because the DIL won't.... or the DIL doesn't........ Aunt has the kids more than the DIL does and she is constantly critising the DIL on everything. She had their 2 yo son with her and he started grunting obviously messing his diaper and she hit him on the nose (not hard) and said STOP! Then he threw up and she covered his mouth as if to stop him and it did not work and somehow that was all DIL fault also. DIL would tell aunt what the pedi said and aunt disagrees that the pedi don't know what they are talking about, that she raised 3 boys and they were going to do things her way. She disagrees with what the parenting classes are teaching. You spank kids and spank them hard, she ran around with a hairbrush and a fly swatter when her kids were little. Her DIL called me one night in tears because at some family function aunt started in on her and saying that she is incompetant and she needed aunt and DIL threw her plate of food at her. Aunt got peturbed because DIl was feeding her then 1 year-old cheerios. I told the DIL that there is a government programs out there that can help her pay for childcare that she does not need to rely aunt. I got the number from my daycare director and gave it to her. She never called. I had also told the DIL that she better start listening to the school and to the pedis and not the aunt because she is the one responsible for those kids and if aunt does something they are going to hold her responsible. The aunt won't let her use anyone but her. She is very bossy and the matriarch of the family. I had offered to keep the kids on weekends but I am not good enough either. I don't make my kids mind and aunt would have to work to hard undoing everything I did. Funny, the school told me that whatever I was doing with my 5 year old to do it again with my 18 month old. The DIL and son are mentally handicapped, both were in special education class in high school and both are janitors of the school which is probably the best job they will ever get. Think they would do well though and their kids would thrive better if they had a better support system. I wished there was something I could do to help but they did not want any of my help. I just don't like to go around them anymore. I have turned down every offer my aunt had to watch my children. No way.
My cousin had a bypass, take it 1 day at a time, and do what the doc tells you. nm
xxx
My doc tells people to use OTC DHS Zinc Shampoo
nm
Yes, that's pretty much it. Phone tells you when they're due.
nn
Son's teacher tells his classmates he has ADHD...
My 12yo has ADHD diagnosed since he was 5. He is now in the 6th grade and is having an extremely difficult time with his peers. He is being picked on terribly, excluded from groups, bullied and harassed, always when the teacher is out of sight or has her back turned. She knows it is happening but doesn't always see it because they're sneaky. Last Friday was a worse than usual day for my son and the teacher actually witnessed some of the students being rude and mean to him. My son left the room to use the bathroom and while he was away the teacher announced to the whole class that he has ADHD and to stop picking on him. I know this is a fact because I asked several of the kids and they confirmed it. The teacher called me at home tonight to explain what happened and why she said it. She said she was so angry at the kids for the way they were treating my son and in a state of anger (the kind when you can't even think of words to express your emotions) she told them he had ADHD and his annoyances and behaviors are sometimes out of his control so stop picking on him. She basically read them the riot act. I realize she was trying to help and defend my son but even she admits maybe she made things worse. My son told me today that somebody called him "sped" for special education. I hurt so much for what he is going through and don't know what to do. Isn't ADHD protected under privacy and confidentiality laws? Did she violate my son't privacy or am I making a big deal out of it. I am having a meeting with the teacher on Wednesday and need some advice on what to do next.
WOW - something tells me I wasn't meant to reveal
my age! Let's try this again - FIFTY!!
Anyone who tells others that "they run in higher class circles" sm
says a lot. And the fact that you would call another person you don't even know a jerk also says tons about you. Sounds like WAYY too much guilt to me. Get help ASAP
Really? LATE 50s? That is awesome! I am 40 - husband tells me I'm too old to be skating! (sm)
says if I get hurt my bones won't heal up quickly LOL! But I have rollerblades and I love it. I just have to start making time. Thanks for the reminder!
My husband's Aunt Delores, because she always tells everyone she loves them (nm)
x
Ohio Christian school tells student to skip prom
FINDLAY, Ohio – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.
Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.
Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.
The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.
Frost's stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school's rules should not apply outside the classroom.
"He deserves to wear that cap and gown," Johnson said.
Frost said he thought he had handled the situation properly. Findlay requires students from other schools attending the prom to get a signature from their principal, which Frost did.
"I expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid," Frost said. "I thought I would get his signature and that would be the end."
England acknowledged signing the form but warned Frost there would be consequences if he attended the dance. England then took the issue to a school committee made up of church members, who decided to threaten Frost with suspension.
"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," England said.
The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music "is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people's hearts and minds."
England said Frost's family should not be surprised by the school's position.
"For the parents to claim any injustice regarding this issue is at best forgetful and at worst disingenuous," he said. "It is our hope that the student and his parents will abide by the policies they have already agreed to."
The principal at Findlay High School, whose graduates include Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, said he respects, but does not agree with, Heritage Christian School's view of prom.
"I don't see (dancing and rock music) as immoral acts," Craig Kupferberg said.
Normally, this would be something I would try to stay out of, but (sm)
I would think if you called CPS and explained things just the way you did here, they might be able to do something to keep the aunt away, and parenting classes for the parents wouldn't hurt either. I agree with the other poster who said if parents (or you) act first, anything the aunt did at a later time would be considered retaliation. Handicapped parents many times can be the best parents, but it sounds like they do need some help with setting boundaries.
I think I would stay put if I were you. He knows where the
door is and can use it if he chooses. Your first concern has to be your children and you should not have to find a place to live if he is the one who has the problem with you. If there is no adultery involved here, don't rush into divorce. Divorce is painful and can get nasty. Sometimes just being away from each other can "calm the waters" and allow you to make a more objective decision. I speak from experience. My husband and I divorced very hastily when we were very young after less than 2 years of marriage and then remarried, had 2 children, divorced very hastily again and then remarried again. Had I just been a little less in a hurry I could have saved myself a hiney-load of money and a lot of heartache by just being away for a while and then making an objective decision. Instead, I rushed into divorce and paid dearly. 
Stay away from CC....
If you have been having problems meeting the minimum payment on any CC, by all means don't go opening another credit card. Your credit report will be an absolute mess. I know it's 0% interest for one year, but read the fine print - there is usually a fee of some type, plus, can you pay it off in one year before the interest starts up? You never know what will happen in life and you may not be able to make the payments, the rate goes up, and you are in deep doo-doo.
Sallie Mae is high interest, your 401K is better. With 401K you are paying yourself back with interest. It's a no-brainer. No one gets your money but you. Is it possible to borrow again from a 401K if you already have a loan out? Having the money deducted automatically from your paycheck and put back into your 401K is the safest and smartest bet...as long as you have a job.
If you ABSOLUTELY have to have this other loan for $7,000 then the 401K should be your only choice. Can you do without the $7,000 and get back on track before getting deeper into debt - or at least until you pay off the existing credit card?
Why would you want to stay...
with someone who is, as you say, mean? If you are not happy, LEAVE! When you stay you are condoning his behavior. Some women want to be martyrs, others want to live a great life. There are great men out there; wallowing in self-pity does not get you one though.
Well, obviously we don't want to stay
somewhere where there's still a lot of damage. That's why I'm asking for personal experiences, and hopefully recently. We don't want to book a beach house and when we get there find out it's in the middle of a big mess.
stay vs go
First, I am so sorry for your situation...that being said, the kids will definitely pick up on the negative vibes between you and your husband. As far as your question goes, I think only you and your husband can know the answer to that one. Just be very aware of your kids and behavior changes, emotional lability, etc. Trust me when I say, they are not dumb...they will pick up on what's going on, no matter how hard you try to hide it (yes, I'm speaking from experience...). Good luck!
You definitely need to stay on top of this...
The kids who you think are least likely to commit suicide are the ones that actually do...that is not meant to scare you by any means...most kids find it easier to write down their feelings than actually expressing them face to face so the fact that he wrote this means something is bothering him...I think you should both talk to your pastor..good luck...(((HUGS)))...
I think you should just stay out of it.
It is just humiliating for kids when their parents act up or cause a scene.
The name of the game is fun. Your going into the game wanting your son's team to beat the other team because of YOUR issues with another parent is very immature and selfish.
Trust me, we've watched parents like you've described yourself (and others, in fairness) acting out and it is so unsportsman-like and completely immature.
Embarrassing for everyone.
To Done: STAY !
No husband is perfect, we are all human. Your husband has a lot of good qualities. Think of your children! I think you are spoiled and unthankful. Maybe he is right and is better than you. He loves you, why don't you; I think you are just bored.
If I don't have anywhere to go, I stay
in my jammies. I usually get up and take the kids to school in jeans and my jammy shirt. Then come home and put the jammy pants back on. If I don't have anywhere to go, I don't get dressed until mid afternoon when I break for lunch. I usually put something in the oven and hop in the shower. Sometimes I just put clean jammies on, sometimes I get fully dressed. Either way, my contacts go in and my hair gets done. My husband likes me either way, as long as I'm clean. I find I wear my jammies more in the winter and am more likely to get dressed in the summer, probably because kids are always coming and going in the summer.
At any rate, I tend to be more productive when I'm dressed, so I should probably try to do that every morning, but I'm just not a morning person. Every year for Christmas, my mom gets me "work clothes" (jammies)!!!
Where we stay in NYC.
We stay at the Embassy Suites on North End Avenue right in the financial district. It is walking distance to to the Village, China Town, Mulberry Street, etc. It overlooks the Harbor and you can see the all the helicopters coming in and out. My husband always goes to Battery Park to watch the helicopters. It is not too inexpensive, but you do get free breakfast and there is a happy hour at 5:00 p.m. if you like to have a few drinks, which will really cost you in the city. There is also a fantastic deli 1 block away that we always hit for a late night snack. We go at least once per year, sometimes twice or 3 times. We love it.
You really have to stay on top of the cards
I do a lot of card flipping with balance transfers but also calling and trying to negotiate new deals. I just switched one with a balance transfer at 3.9 for the life of balance and then talked them down to a purchase rate of 8.9 (it had been up in the high teens). I also talked a card I've had a while into a 2.9 for the life of a balance transfer instead of the 12 month offer they were having because there was a delay in the electronic transfer to the other company causing me a bit of inconvenience. That transfer was actually for a loan I had at a pretty high interest rate, so some loans can be put on cards too which I never knew. I find websites that list ALL the latest offers for all or most card companies and I'm always checking. Sometimes I call my cards and tell them I am thinking about switching unless they can give me a similar/better rate or deal. Often they will so as not to lose the business. I have saved a ton of money doing this - it is sort of like consolidating on your own. I can post the site if anyone is interested, don't have it handy right now. Oh..I also have automatic electronic payment setup to pay a certain amount each month from my checking so the payment is NEVER late. You are so right about that, that's where they get you! I just thought maybe some of this info may help someone, I hope so. My credit is very good now but had been a mess in the past.
Remind me to stay
 away from that doctor!!!
Did he marry her so he could stay in the U.S.? nm
.
I go there frequently and would not stay in
the Flamingo. It is right downtown but a very old place, the smoke when you go into the casino is terrible, not as classy as I like. It might be cheap but then you get what you pay for. I love the Mirage, stayed at Treasure Island, very nice also, favorite though is the Bellagio, more expensive than most on the strip. Love the buffet at the Luxor. MGM might be alright and at the end of most of the strip but I would think ok as far as a place to stay.
To make it stay that way
If you want everything on your computer bigger: right mouse click on your desktop background. A little box should pop up. Click on 'properties'. Then click on the settings tab. There should be a little sliding scale with the screen resolution. Move it to less resolution (left). Then click 'apply'. Your screen may black out for a second, but when it comes back, everything should be bigger. Certainly saved my eyeballs!!
Also if you stay away you are letting him win(sm)
As that seems to be his goal -I would not let him keep me from seeing the rest of my family. However, I also would not want my children exposed to his mouth, so if you cannot stay in a hotel,I would go and visit without your children, which I do sometimes as well. I see my family about twice a year, usually once by myself and once with the kids, at which time we stay in a hotel.
Its wise to stay away
I had a C-section and had planned to stay at my mom's for a week or so to recuperate. As soon as I got there, I put the baby in the cradle in the living room and started to put some things away in the bedroom. I could hear my step-dad saying "get 'im, get 'im" to his dog....I went out there and he was actually encouraging his schnauzer to mess with the baby! I came real close to braining him with a can of tomatoes over it. I left and refused to bring the baby to their house as long as he was in it. My mom, too, chose the step-dad over her kids. Now he's dead and her relationship with her kids is rocky, and she regrets it.
Need help with a dog that will NOT stay off furniture (sm)
We have a black lab in the house - had him since he was a puppy. He was/is not allowed to be on the couch and other furniture but....he considers it a challenge. If I am in my office, he will get on the couch and jumps down as soon as he hears me walking into the family room. I don't know how to make him stay off. He is a very smart dog and we challenge him in other ways with training. One of my kids will be home for the holidays and has allergies. The dog hair on everything is getting to me real quick! He is 2 years old now. Forget the dog bed - he looks at it and laughs!! 
Can help you on this, we stay at the Bellagio
and hear that is higher up on the scale of rates.
Do NOT stay just because of the age of your kids.
Being unhappy does affect your kids, whether you are abused or not.
3 yrs and 3 months. Stay over every other
xx
I'd try to stay calm, but (sm)
One thing I told my now-husband years ago was that I had to have honesty enough to know if he needed something from me that I was not giving, that he was not to go looking elsewhere for something without asking for it at home.
In this day and age, with STDs being they are, there is no excuse for adultery. It's not just thoughtless and hurtful, it's irresponsible with someone's life.
As far as being calm, I'm just not sure temper or tears works in a situation like that. I think many men "turn you off" when you get in that situation and nothing gets heard or accomplished, and something needs to get resolved with you guys PDQ.
Stay together for the children - yes or no? (sm)
Husband and I have been on the verge of divorce for years, trying to stay for kids. But now we can't seem to stop arguing for more than a week at a time. He is including me in none of the decision making and acts as though we are already divorced. I am worried about the effects divorce would have on my children, emotionally, financially. But part of me is ready to just plunge into the unknown. I almost feel like I don't have a choice. Would appreciate opinions and viewpoints either way.
me either. I'll stay right where i am!
xx
Stay away from Effexor --- Run from it!!!
A little background history: I am married and had just had my third child 6 months before this. I was juggling 1 PT office job, 1 PT MT job at home, and 1 per diem job in a clinic 2-3 days a week. I felt overwhelmed dealing with my 3 jobs and my 3 kids, then ages 5, 2-1/2 and 6 months. I went to my doctor and told her about my stress and the mood swings especially during my period.
I was started on Effexor 5 years ago this month. At first, I was kind of afraid of it and didn't really notice any difference with it. After taking it a week or 2, I decided to stop. I just quit taking it cold turkey. About 24 hours after my last dose, the problems started. First the awful headache came and then the lightheadedness and vomiting. I immediately took one and lied down for the rest of the evening. I decided I would just stay on them until my next doctor's visit. Several months later, when I saw my doctor again, she asked how it was going and I said fine. I decided to stay on them, thinking I needed them.
After a couple of years of being on Effexor, I began to notice breakouts of acne on my face. I'm not talking a few pimples around my period; I mean serious almost bullous-like breakouts on my face continuously. Now I had never had acne in high school or after that until now. I also gained about 50 pounds, probably partly my fault, but a lot of blogs I read also noted this. But most concerning were the "brain tingles" I felt at odd times. At any rate, after 5 years of being on it, I was ready to stop. I began to realize that my problems couldn't be solved by a pill and that I needed to change myself and the way I dealt with stress (I'm not suggesting that's what you need to do).
Remembering the problem I had initially when I tried to stop the Effexor, I scheduled a visit with my doctor. She gave me a taper and I started it. At first, I was okay -- just taking it once a day every 2 days and then skipping a day. But when I was supposed to take it just every other day, I noticed the same problems - headaches, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting. I called my doctor back and she suggested a slower taper again. We tried with no success. After much research on the internet, I asked my doctor to prescribe a single dose of Prozac to counteract the withdrawal effects. After a lot of discussion, she agreed to do so.
I took my last Effexor on December 18, 2007, and I will never, ever, ever take that medication again. I also will never take another medication without fully knowing the side effects as well as the withdrawal process of it. I strongly urge you to research any drug your doctor prescribes fully before beginning it. I wish I had. I only hope there are no long-term side effects of Effexor that have yet to be unveiled.
I can stay up as late as I want to - I go to bed between around 1:30 a.m.
I hated going to be early when I was little. Now 40 years later I'm rebelling.
Don't stay angry, instead get EVEN.
been there, done that. no need to be in a hurry, either. if you take months or even years to get even, you have just that much more time to come up with something truly memorable.
or, you can do something swift and simple, like blocking their emails on your pc as spam.
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