Stay. I have 3 boys. They need their father. sm
Posted By: Me on 2007-09-20
In Reply to: Does divorce always mess up boys' lives?? (sm) - Worried mom
but also, my husband and I teach a class on restoring marriage after we almost divorced. I love him to death now! They can change. As long as their isn't long-term mental or physical abuse, you can get through this! Email me if you need anything!
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Definitely boys for me.
nm
23 and 24 with my boys...sm
I used to be able to climb trees and did the iron kids triathelon with them....
My sister had her child at 42....the only girl outta 7 grandchildren....guess who's grandma's princess? 
oh boys
will be boys!
boys
My son is 15 and I cannot tell you how many interviews and interrogations we have had to go through. Every time he has been on a date the parents want to meet us and see our house, etc. I has been a flipping nightmare, especially since these little flings last about a week and are over after the dance! In my humble opinion, find her something else to do. That is what I have had to do with my son. I just can't take the pain anymore. Join some super busy, mega overly scheduled adult supervised something! Shoo, shoo, mama is working!
I don't think so. I have 2 boys. They have
proven that circumcision can be beneficial for several reasons, not to mention it is more hygienic. I was conflicted with my first son because my OB/GYN was against it. She was African-American and I don't know if it was a cultural thing or what. She did do my son, but she didn't take enough off, it wasn't her decision to make. My second son I didn't hesitate.
My mom said that at 8 days she took my brothers to be circumcised - based on the Bible.
I can't see how it would be called abuse. I think it is personal choice. I can't tell you how many reports I've done on men over 50 who have had problems and have had to be circumcised.
Two boys
I have 2 boys; 24 and 19. The older one moved away to college, the school dropped his program after 2 years, so he floundered and moved back home. After 6 months told him get a job, pay his bills, go to school or get out. He went to work FT and paid all his own bills, moved out for a few months with some guys (who did not pay their share of the rent) and then moved back home, went back to college, has made the honor roll for the last year while working, just started in 2009 charging him room and board as he is after all 24. Other son 19, almost lost him to bad decisions and bad friends at 14-15 but is on the right track now; in college and working PT, pays his bills. He goes to the community college, looking into a 2+2 program, told him to go away for the last 2 years as he will get the experience of being on his own without being totally on his own. He has a serious girlfriend. I am more worried about those 2 getting an apartment together first and then him not finishing school. Older son is working on buying a house within 18 months and younger son will live with him (if not with girlfriend first.) I have to say I'm looking forward to an empty nest.
While I don't have boys but -sm
two young girls, 9 and 10, for years I would cover for my DH, get the card, mail it to his mom, make him call her on Mother's Day (remind him 50x)....For years when my kids were babies I would get nothing from him, because as he would say, I was not his mother. Well what about those two squirmy kids of ours, I am their mother. I told him he needed to help them and get a card from them to give to me, or help them make me a card, whatever that did not matter. (I have always made sure he got something from the kids on Father's day). The kids have been able to be the ones to remind him now for the last few years about special days, Mother's Day and my birthday which is great. I don't want much, just a card and Happy B or Mom day, just acknowledgement basically. He had some sort of epiphany a year or two ago and now sends his mom flowers every Mom Day and at Christmas, think this was the 3rd one in a row(guilt and belief they are dying coming to bear now, MIL is 74 but doing quite well), still did not send her a card though, figured the card with the flowers was enough. I made him go out an buy the card (instead of me coving his butt as usual). We all signed it and he mailed it. I never missed with my mom and did something every year until she died. She kept ever one of my cards too, found them after she died. ---I would still send your son a card on his birthday but leave the money out, betcha that will grab his attention. ----My DH doesn't remember anyone's birthday, he forgot mine a few times which stunk. I take care of getting the cards, mailing them, etc., though refuse to do Mom day anymore, I still have to nag at him to call his mom, dad on their birthdays, etc. Some guys are just lazy and don't want to be bothered with it.
Two boys.
I have 2 boys and enjoy them immensely. The oldest drives me nuts with some of the decisions he makes. He is funny, easy going, lots of friends and just doesn't take life too seriously.
My youngest is 17. He is very smart, has big plans for college and career (he says, you don't have to understand what it is mom, you just have to pay for it). My regret is that I wish I'd had more kids. I would take a whole house full of boys. So much fun!!
I raised 2 boys on my own.
Maybe some of these techniques that assisted me can do the same for you:
1) Literally write down a list of rules that you want observed in your home. Not what you think you can get him to do but what you actually WANT. Make copies for his bedroom, for the refrigerator, for his billfold, for every room you can. (I printed mine off and framed them in certificate frames and hung them up. Be specific. Cover all areas.)
2) Literally write down behaviors and language you are not going to tolerate and rank them.
2) Literally write down a list of everything that is important to this youngster. Include friends (by name), electronics (iPod, computer, etc.), privileges (telephone, friends coming over, going out, driving), and places he enjoys going (movies, sports events, eating establishments, etc.). Rank these in order of importance to him.
3) If possible, have your husband (separated, correct?) to meet with you first and agree and provide a united front. Agree on what you expect of him as his parents, what is best for his wellbeing. Write down how you will construct discipline and dispense punishment. Make it appropriate, reasonable and, above all, something you will actually do.
5) Have a meeting with your son (and your husband, if he is onboard with you). Give your son a copy of the new rules, the discipline tactics, the unacceptable behaviors and the punishments. Go over each one of them. Don't argue. Don't explain too much. The lists are clear. Everything has a yes/no as to its use and everything has an if with it as well.
Here's the hardest part: Do what you say. If his language is offensive, he can't talk on the phone. Period. No exceptions, period. Even if you have to unplug it and keep the cord in your pocket. Never argue; never raise your voice. Just calmly make your statement and leave it alone. The more he carries on, the more trouble he will incur. Let him handle the stress of it. If you protect him from the consequences of his actions, he will never, ever change and never learn. (Warning: His behavior WILL get worse before it gets better and then it will wax/wane on occasion just to test the waters.)
Stay with him after school in his tutoring. I showed at school one day in high school for my oldest. One day for 2 classes and that was all it ever took. Made the difference with my youngest, too! Neither one wanted me showing up and sitting next to him in class! Be there but let the teacher do the tutoring. Just be there to enforce his attendance and understand what is happening in the sessions.
Praise good/changed behavior but do not reward it. If it is behavior you are wanting to be an expected behavior, praise it, acknowledge it. Reward exceptional behavior that goes beyond what you have set rules for.
Make sure he is involved in his own caretaking: Laundry, specific chores (no pay -- no ma'am, do not pay any child to contribute to their household), help cook one night a week, yard work, etc.
Be watchful of his music, TV watching, movie going. These can have just as devastating of an impact on him as his so-called friends. Make sure you know who his friends' parents are, what they do; do you agree with how they live? How these friends act? If not, restrict his activities with them.
Get him involved in some type of sport he enjoys and into a youth group if at all possible. It is important.
I hope these tips will help you as much as they did me.
my boys are warriors
Both have been deployed at one time or another to Iraq. One is there now. The other boy told me that he had gone to the funeral of one of his brave friends who had been killed. Those horrible people were there from Kansas, but the Harley people were there also, 200 to 300 of them, each holding a flag, protecting the family of the soldier from the disgusting behavior of that supposed church. Made chills go up and down my spine. Can you imagine that many flags in one place being used to protect a family! GO HARLEY WARRIORS!
boys or girl
I have 2 of each (yes 4 in all) and I would defitenly say boys right now. My kids are still young so may be my mind will change with age!
huh? boys much easier? NOT...NM
Boys do go through stages.
On the other hand, depression can come out as anger.
I think mothers are supposed to help their kids understand their feelings and talk to them, but it can be difficult to get boys to express themselves.
It's think it's a normal stage to go through for boys to just be annoyed by girls because girls are so talkative and different, sometimes dating-obsessed or gossip-obsessed or whatever, and for a boy it's annoying.
Maybe he doesn't enjoy competing with a girl who is older.
I think he would rather spend time with boys right now, but boys need something to do together so they stay out of trouble.
But he needs to realize that he doesn't really hate girls. He just doesn't enjoy the different developmental stages they go through. And your daughter might benefit from knowing how males' brains work - that guys don't admire girls who are obsessed about stuff they think is silly.
Just some thoughts. Parenting is hard, but respect for siblings should be taught, and some space from each other can go a long way.
That's for sure and something I hear over and over. Boys
s
To me it always seems to be harder on the boys (sm)
My husband are like that - oil and water for sure. We just can hardly stand to live together anymore. We have been trying to stay together for the kids for years.
How did affect you and your sister?? Would it have been better if they had stayed together or was it just a bad situation either way? I feel like I am choosing the lesser of the evils.
My boys had to pay me twice as much as their tickets sm
If the ticket was 50.00, they had to pay me 100.00, too. No ifs, ands or buts. Didn't have to take away the keys. This worked every time. They are all good drivers now. None of the speed.
The first of my new boys has arrived. (sm)
Introducing Teddy! He's a Schipperke mix, only about 20 lb. He has a tail, which is very cute and curled, but he's hiding it. I'm new at photographing black dogs, but I think it turned out okay for a first try. He's already had a bath and flea treatment with Frontline Plus, because we're in the South and he had fleas.
Here is a picture of our 3 boys - SM
Max, Scooter, and Bailey
For those of you with teenage boys
I just wanted to share this. Yesterday my 16 yo son said to me, "Mom we should make some Christmas cookies." My older 2 aren't home from college yet so it is just he and I. I bought all the colored sugars, we put on Xmas music and he helped me make the dough, cut out the cookies and decorate them. I share this only because if you have a teenage son you know this is highly unusual when what they really want is to hang out with their friends and play loud music and talk about girls! It really touched me that we had this special time together. I am blessed to have him for a son. 
That's the other thing my boys want
--- a tattoo. I told them they could get the airbrush ones at the beach this summer. They're saving up. No permanent ones until they're 18 and they can pay for it.
My sister got one in high school and my parents never knew it until years later. They were still po'ed. My fear with real tattoos is hepatitis. Again, if they're going to do it (which we all know they will), better to have it done professionally.
As a mom of 2 boys, now older,
who played baseball and hockey, do your son a favor and refrain from making a scene. It's embarrassing for him and puts such a negative tone on the game for all the kids. Be the better person, take the higher ground, keep your mouth closed and realize this should be fun for the KIDS.
I have 3 boys, so I can somewhat relate
It seems I can take privileges away from my oldest and it works very well. My younger one, however, doesn't seem to care. What does bother him is sitting on time-out. I read a few books and they say the length of the timeout should be equal to the age - 5 years old then 5-minute timeout. This frustrates him more because he likes to be in control and when I put him on timeout, he has no control. I usually sit him at the dining room chair - no TV, no toys. I use the timer on the microwave, so he can hear it when he beeps. He knows to push the chair in when he gets up. If he does something shortly thereafter, I double the length of the timeout. A few times of this and eventually they catch on.
As for harming the dogs, I would probably keep them in a certain area of the house where I could see them. At least then you know if he's doing something to them and hopefully can stop him before he really hurts them.
As tempting as it is, name-calling will not teach your child anything but name-calling. Taunting him with this is probably not a good idea. If he continues to lie, I would continue to put him on timeout or take away privileges depending on the extent of the lie and the circumstances.
I know it's hard, but consistency is the key. Eventually, he will learn. It just takes some kids longer than others.
Why boys need parents...
This is for those mother's of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older and anyone else who needs a laugh.
11 year old boys
I am in the same boat. My son does all the things yours is doing right now. Right down to the shower. I am not sure if your son is, but my son has OCD (obsessive complusive disorder)this is worse when he is stressed. He was diagnosed at the age of 3, no he is not on meds and I have used behavior modification for him. Yes the modification works just as well without the harmful side effects of a drug.
I can pass on a few things I have found that work. Only make an issue out of things that can hurt himself or others. Like the hair, yep in the eyes is a pain, but it will not hurt him or anyone and he has control of that. Clothes are the same way, again this is something that at 11 he has control of. I think that is what he is frustrated about. Everything seems out of his control to him. So he is 11 and is stressed and crying is his way right now of letting things out. By allowing him to have control over the smaller things, maybe that will put things into perspective for him again.
Good luck I hope I have helped you in some way.
On boys and Gardasil
I have thought the same thing before, about it being only for females, and found that in Australia it is also available for males. IMHO, promiscuity is certainly not exclusive to males, but I believe it is more common (at least it used to be), so seems like they are the ones that are more culpable for the spreading of HPV. It's the whole playboy generation gone wild.
Also, just heard a few days ago about HPV being a cause of oral cancer. Wondered how long it would take them to make the link.
I live in Georgia and had not heard that it is mandatory for females here, but read that most states that are considering mandatory inoculation and have introduced a bill also have an "opt out" clause.
If I had a daughter or daughters, I do not think that I would be rushing out to have them inoculated. 
Both my boys have tracfones..........sm
or at least until the youngest lost his, LOL.
My oldest son's tracfone has texting capabilities but I don't know if all of them do. His is Motorola flip phone. I don't know the number on it, but it is thin and black.
The minutes don't expire as long as you purchase and redeem air time cards when they are due. Hope this helps.
I have 2 tuxedo boys and they
are my loves. Brothers, 1 looks like he ate the house (22 lbs) and his brother not far behind him. You certainly have a good looking guy and I am sure he will give you so much love. Our furries are so special to us and we to them.
In your opinion, do you think boys can have
a Hope Chest also? Watching my kids this Christmas and with one getting ready to graduate high school, I realized they will be starting out with nothing. I have 2 boys and wondered if a "Hope Chest" would be appropriate.
What would you include? (in removing the Christmas Tree this year, I am packing the oldest's ornaments he has collected over the years for him to have on his first Christmas Tree next year).
Bittersweet!
Is anyone here the mother of little boys?
I cannot possible take one more man bashing post on this board. How is it possible that no one loves or raises, or takes care of an honorable little or big man in their life!
I have met my share of scum bags, truly disgusting human beings that were women and men and find it appalling that one half of our species would be villified to absolve the other of any adult responsibilities or obligations.
I have 3 boys, 33, 25 and 23. All know how to use a needle
and thread. I showed them how to do it once and they have done their own mending ever since. I just told them if they didn't want to go broke buying their clothes, then they better learn how to mend them. They actually all took 1 semester of home ec in high school (my insistence).
10-year-old boys
This is the age when me and my little buddy weren't little buddies anymore. He heard me, but it was mwa, mwa, mwa, like the teacher on Charlie Brown. We had to redraw the lines of our relationship and it was very uncomfortable.
I made him get a lawn job with our elderly neighbor and he bawled pretty much the whole time. He lost his video and computer games permanently and forever. He signed up for music lessions and learned to be a percussionist (which is every dang instrument in the world) so he would never get bored. He went away to summer camp for two weeks and never called home once (by his own choice). He had to grow up and learn how to be a big, strong man, without his mamma nagging him.
So far so good, but I had to stop babying him...he was sick of it and of me! I had to learn how to treat him differently, and I am still learning! If we are going to even be on speaking terms when he is an adult, if he is ever going to confide in me when he is in deep trouble, it starts while he is still living in the house, and before he is taller than his dad too!
yep, 10-year old boys...
same experience here. With both my older boys, my 2nd oldest is 10 now, and we are defiantely redrawing the lines. I have repeatedly told him that I am not worried about being his friend right now. Its about him learning to be responsible and repsectful as a young man. I pray to God to give me (us) the patience that the children deserve. Best of luck
12 year old boys............sm
are a puzzle sometimes. They are entering puberty and a time in their lives when they are torn between being a child and growing into a young man, their bodies are changing on them and their emotions can be all over the place, even like 12 year old girls..........but don't tell them I said that!
I'm sorry this is happening to your family. I know how hard being a single mom is in the best of situations (if there is such a thing). What it sounds like to me is that your son harbors some anger and maybe even some resentment about your separation from his father. Even though, as you say, he was not the most pleasant man to live with, he was still your son's father and he is missing him. He is missing the male influence in his life and he is expressing it through his actions. At his age also it is possible that he now feels the need to be the "man of the house" since his father is no longer in that role. That is what happened for my oldest son at about that age. What worked for us, somewhat, was for me to give him a little more responsibility in terms of making sure the family was taken care of, including the pets, while at the same time reminding him that I was still the parent and that I was still in charge. Let you son be in charge of making sure that the doors are locked at night, for example. That will give him a feeling of taking care of the family. Please don't tell him that he is not being reasonable because to him, he is being reasonable, but do stick to your guns when you tell him the answer is no and let that be final. Just because he argues and tries to debate the point or manipulate you does not mean that you have to answer or allow him to do that. I know it is hard, believe me, and my heart goes out to you, but I now have a grown son of whom I am very proud despite his limitations (Asperger syndrome and learning disabilities). God bless you and your children.
I think she said the father did not want her around
so really she should take that same stance. I think you just cannot sometimes may an enabler understand what they are doing wrong. My deceased husband, I talked to him about his enabling with his daughter and he told me he would do until his last breath and he did. She was a total invalid after that, did not have a clue (at 30 something) how to make her way. Oh well, glad I wasn’t the mother.
You ask about my son's father?
The father came around after the son grown and now lives with him. No money ever from him while my son growing up, not a penny, nothing. I have nothing against the father, just always thought he basically did good to take care of himself but not a father figure at all for the son. He was able to work, chose to live on the streets and finally got too old to be out there and my son and his family took him into their home. I was there but people have to understand what money does to people, especially if a lot of money, thousands and thousands. My son was upset about my inheritance and that is what happened. It is sad but not my fault he would choose the love of money over his mother. Wish him well.
your father
This is a touchy subject. Yes, it sounds a little like he may be trying to "take the easy way out" but really, what he is doing is self degradating and really desperate. I believe he needs help. Of course, he is not going to see it or admit it himself. That's WHY he needs help. He has threatened to take his life and spoken of wanting to die. I think you should call 911 or see if your town has a crisis team and tell them that he has said he is going to kill himself. Have him taken by ambulance or let the crisis intervention team figure out the transportation. Once he is at the hospital professionals will evaluate him and decide whether or not he needs to be committed against his will or long term treatment. They will give him counseling and even point him in the direction of how to start managing life again. The worse that could happen is that they say hes fine and send him home (which they will not do without at least providing him with information for outpatient treatment and other local agencies that can help him).
However, how will you feel if, God forbid, he does hurt or kill himself while you thought he wass just bluffing?
And even if it doesnt go that far...he will continue to harass you and your mom.
He needs help of some kind and as his daughter I think you should find a way to help him.
How do you know her father was
there for her? You are assuming that. As far as writing him off, it might be the best thing for her. Toxic people are very dangerous. Obviously you had a story book childhood and until you go through something like that, it is impossible to understand. Because it is a parent, it does not mean you have to put up with emotional and mental abuse.
Father in law
My father in law is an ok guy. One problem. He likes to come to our house and watch TV. On Saturdays and Sundays, I am off work, and I like to relax on the couch in Pjs and watch my TV. My husband drives an 18-wheeler, and a lot of times when he comes in if it is on weekends his dad will come over that morning and sit here ALL day long. My husband said last time you know I love dad to death and like for him to come visit but after a couple hours it is time to leave. Well now my husband isn't at home and he comes over to visit my son who is 11, and tells my son lets watch a movie or something. Well this is my weekend to relax and lay on the couch and watch TV. I feel like I can't relax in my own home. He doesn't have satellite at his house so he wants to sit here and watch. I am so fustrated. He needs to go home. I think he uses the excuse when my husband is gone to come see my son so he can sit here and watch movies. I would like to watch my own TV. URRRGHH! Any advice?
Exactly! Even at 6 most perceptive little boys know if they watch ANY TV
or just overhearing conversations how breasts/women's bodies are perceived and that daddy's and other men like 'em and think they're sexy. I have a four year old nephew that sort of even flirts with me, in that 4 year old way, and when his mom says is aunt so and so pretty? he blushes and gets all shy. And he's 4! So it truly is disturbing! I agree!
What would you say to these rude teenage boys??
Ok, I was out walking this morning and these 2 teenage (middle school) boys starting yelling things at me as I walked by!! At first, I couldn't tell what they were saying or who they were directing it to because I had my headphones on, but after a while I realized they were speaking to me!! One of the boys was saying MOOOO and I couldn't tell what the other one was saying. I just ignored them and kept walking, as I know they were being stupid boys (especially since I'm not overweight), but I would really like some advice or great comebacks to tell these losers the next time they try something like this. Obviously, I would love to just spray them with pepper spray or kick them where it hurts, but I don't want to go to jail :) I really wish all parents would teach their boys how to treat a woman, so things like this wouldn't happen!!!!
By the way, my husband is out of town for another month, so I can't send him over to the bus stop to have a "talk" with them!
I would raise 5 boys to 1 girl!
Girls cost too much.
whoa - and boys can come home having gotten
boys come home getting girls pregnant....quit blaming just the girls...and girls didn't ask to get periods..I couldn't believe you even typed that.....
Boys go thru the hormonal stage and if you think there's no menopause for men - you're dead wrong....it's called andropause.
I'd take 10 girls over ONE boy...anyday.....
JMHO...another mom is all.....
Sounds like one of those good ole boys
sitting around with a can of beer, got a cigarette behind his ear, wearing that wife beater T-shirt, either trying to go to the race track or watching his fav, Dale, Jr. You have it going on, don't you?
Boys go commando cause you might see their unit...
 Girls go apache because you might see a patchy.
IT'S COMINGDOWN TO MY 2 HOMETOWN BOYS
OK - 15 MINUTES LEFT - WHO IS IT GONNA BE - CAS OR TERRY? I'M ROOTING FOR BOTH - BEING FROM TX - I THINK IT'S GONNA BE TERRY - OR CAS - WHAT ABOUT A TIE?
Us girls need WAY more discipline than boys!
If you don't keep us in line when we're young and impressionable....whoo boy look out!
I'm watching how my nieces are turning out now that they are in their teens and I'm just floored. The one, who is not even 16 now, has been sleeping with her boyfriend, IN HER PARENTS HOME WITH THEIR FULL CONSENT, for the past 2 years now. I ask my brother all the time, "What are you thinking...wait, don't answer that, you're not!" He just shakes his head and tries to explain to me that, because I'm not a parent, I could never understand and he'd rather have them "doing it" in the safety of their home. Can you imagine?!
Our mother would be slapping him into the next millenium if she were alive today. She certainly didn't raise us like that.
And you think young boys don’t know about periods?
The kids here have sex education, boys and girls together, long before the old age of 13. Boys know about periods even if immature- and by the way aging with guys continues on for years, whether 13 or 34! I absolutely would never go completely by what a kid might say and rush the teacher. I have grown children, not kids, and I also wore tampons (like the earlier post) at a very younge age. When I started the period so heavy I had to wear panties with plastic in the crotch and by the WAY---- at 13 I walked to my drug store and got Paregoric because I had such bad cramps. See, it did not kill me to say why I wanted it. It was over-the-counter then and I have no ongoing terrible issues from that. Mountain out of mole hill again!
I agree, 2 is too young for boys.
My son turned 3 in July and he has only shown passing interest in potty training. I know I will need to help him with his motivation soon, but for now I am not even worried about it. I also have a 7yo daughter who was potty trained at 2-1/2 and she was very easy. It's true what they say about boys being different than girls when it comes to potty training. I say don't force the issue. I think that tends to complicate things.
2 teenage drives - both boys, sm
One is in college and has not had any type of ticket. Did hit someone already, and he had to pay half of her repairs. We paid the other half because we wanted him to save for college. The second has just gotten his permit. If either of them get a ticket, they will have to pay for it, and go to driver's school. Would probably take away driving priviledges for a while on the youngest. definitely would not ignore any offenses!
There are 6 of us, 3 boys and 3 girls, some of us are even step
We all get along fairly well actually, its some of the sistes-in-law and brothers-in-law that we cannot stand ! LOL. Thankfully, (not to be mean), but everyone, except 1 is divorced from the ones we couldnt stand and now they have found others that we get along with. My one brother is still single after his divorce.
We used to kid around "what is wrong with so-and-so? - Oh yeah, they are not like us!!"
Here are a couple of my boys under the tree
I have 3, but don't know where the third one was. He was probably playing in the box we kept all the ornaments in! Also have a German shepherd who won't fit under the tree!
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