Sons in Military - Thank You
Posted By: Mary on 2007-10-16
In Reply to: Longstanding campaign to help soldiers - NJMT
Thanks, next time I hear from either one of my children, I'll ask them about this. I wonder why the military just doesn't supply them with it ????? Thanks so much.
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My sons are 18 and 20.
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didn't do any "hang out" time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
Sons
Boy this is sounding real familiar. I have a son who is a lot like yours. He is 16, very smart, but no motivation or willingness to work for good grades. I have wondered if part of his problem was that school came too easy for him in the early grades. He never had to study for spelling tests, etc. Now that he is in high school, he doesn't have the habit of studying. It is almost as though he doesn't even think about it. When I remind him that he has a test, he will study for a few minutes and get an A or B. If he really works at it, he can Ace the test. He doesn't really think grades are all that important. (I was used to my daughter's straight As and am trying to refrain from comparing the two kids.) I'm looking for ways to motivate him, and so far a lot of positive reinforcement is starting to help. Maybe visiting with the school counselor would help. My son is also looking for a job--I think he has too much time on his hands! The more time they have, the less they get done. Good luck.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We only buy for our two sons, and they are older.
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. He's big into hats, and I bought him a leather "Indiana Jones" style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party.
While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.
Trained my sons to help sm
Since I was a working mom, I always told my sons to expect to help around the house. They didn't do it for me that often, but now that they're married, they cook, iron, babysit and go to the market without complaining. I think I did a good job. My husband also helped around the house, so they had a good example of what it takes to make it work when mom has to work. Whether you pay someone to help or ask for help around the house, it doesn't matter. I could not have offered my kids a college education if I did not work and save for it. Some men think it demasculinizes them and that's sad. I also shoveled snow,did what I could to help without gender bias if no one else was home. I did not feel strange doing what I could to help my husband either, as long as I could lift it, I did it. It takes a village. I used to sew, but I was lousy at it and that's why I quit. I never felt like what I did was good enough and wouldn't wear it. Curtains and drapes were okay but now you can buy them cheaper than what the material costs. Just IMHO.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
Prayers for your sons and all our soldiers! nm
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LOL! Love it! Thanks. I'll be using this on my 3 sons! nm
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My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it.
With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true.
You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in.
My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here.
Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp
Those total sons of you-know-whats.
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
Military
 Well, I was in the military, and that is one of the big reasons I chose to get out! I got out in 94, so I'm not exactly sure what has changed, but here goes...
First, my mouth dropped open when I read your post! I have a 14 and 7 year old and can't imagine leaving them, sick or not! But a 3-month-old baby! When I was in, it used to be if you got pregnant, you had the choice of being discharged. Last I knew, you could request a hardship discharge, based on the circumstances of the baby being in the hospital, preemie, etc. But here's the catcher to all this...it IS the military! If they don't want to let you out, they don't have to! They can do anything they feel like! That's what is BS! Sorry, this mom should NOT be going anywhere, let alone Iraq, with her baby in this state! Wow! Okay now you got me going !
18 ONLY if they are in the military
xx
Mary, I offer my prayers for the safety of your sons. SM
I thought brothers could not be in battle zones at the same time. Did they choose to?
Same here - military fixed him tho
His pants were hanging down really low and I had asked him a million times to just pull them up a little bit. He wouldn't do it.
Went to the recruiter's office with him and his recruiter met us out in the foyer between all the military offices. Son reached out to shake his hand and the recruiter instead reached over and jerked his pants down. Didn't say one word. Turned around walked into his office.
Son pulled his pants up to where they should have been. The recruiter then comes right back out, says hello, and shakes his hand.
Son never wore his pants like that again and, yes, he still enlisted. :)
If I had a child in the military now,
sorry but probably would do as a lot of families did for Vietnam war and that was to head for the border, namely Canada. I thought if gay in the military, supposed to try and keep it quiet?? These to me are ever bit as bad as protesting at funeral of AIDS patients. You have some really sick people in this world to do things like this and please, like you, I don't want to get started on the other folks president in Washington.
Was that supervisor in the military or something?
One day you should have all plotted together and when she came in the room, jumped up and saluted. ROFL
I had a barium enema quite a while ago and my splenic flexure goes up really high and then twists. Sometimes gas will get stuck in there and it will hurt like the dickens. I'm glad I had the BE, though, because I know what it is and that it will pass in a little while. If it didn't, I would be at the urgent care pronto.
yes her husband is in the military.
x
military appreciation??
I'm trying to help my son with his writing project. the subject is military appreciation. I can't think of anything they do for us other than fight for our country/rights and help out in times of need (such as in Katrina)
anybody have any ideas?
military appreciation
Can he send a letter to a deployed soldier and write about doing that for school? When my husband was in Iraq, he loved getting mail from kids.
Also, he could look up different occupations they do, such as Seabees help rebuild war torn countries. They also built a bridge in Maine to help the sea life. Let me know, I can email articles.
Being a military spouse, I think that...
she should qualify for unemployment, but not indefinitely. She paid in to California unemployment insurance and had to relocate because her spouse is serving our country. She should, in my opinion, be able to draw on unemployment from California for a reasonable period of time until she can get another job. However, that is one of the reasons I like this job. I take it with me whenever I move.
Heh. Try military medicine
My husband woke up with RUQ pain, which got progressively worse. I took him to the navy hospital ER. They said he had a GI bug and told him to go home, drink fluids, yada yada yada.
We got about 10 minutes from the hospital when he started kicking and punching the inside of my car because of his pain. I knew immediately what it was because I had seen both my dad and uncle go thru it.
I flew back to the hospital and drove up to the ambulance dock, which was closer to the ER. He was telling me not to park there - he'd get into trouble. I told him I didn't give a rat's behind, that he was sick and that's where he was going. There were 2 guys sitting in the ambulance who helped him into the waiting room while I parked the car.
We sat in the waiting room for a couple of hours. They finally called him back. Every so often, the corpsman came out and gave me an update. I finally, almost rudely, asked him if they considered doing an IVP or a cystoscopy because of the location and severity of the pain? He looked at me and mumbled something about them thinking about doing an IVP. Anyway, he had a massive kidney stone. So, they sent him home (this was on a Friday) with Tylox (Percocet equivalent). He threw up all weekend and we thought it was due to the narcotics. I didn't know better. Narcotics had made me throw up before too.
I rushed him back Monday morning and he was admitted immediately. He was septic and close to septic shock. The uro doc said his ureters looked like tissue paper and they had to place stents in both of them. Then, he finally gets discharged with a stent in his bladder, that was kept open, so he constantly dribbled urine. One or two days later, I heard a loud moan. He walked out of the bathroom with the stent in his hand. They hadn't placed it right.
Anyone still want government run healthcare?
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
Please remember our military today!
Happy 4th to everyone! Please just take a minute today to remember all of our wonderful, brave men and women who have fought to make this day possible. This is not just another holiday to get time and a half, or just another day to complain about no work, bad hours, etc. This is a day to celebrate our freedom, the freedom that is made possible by every member of our military!!
Please remember them in your prayers today.
A military man shot his wife
This man was our son's recruiter when our son signed with the military three years ago. We had several meetings with him. He was a "fun" guy to be around, always smiling, always happy. But now, this and I can't get over the sick feeling in my stomach. He is on the run, of course. He left behind his little boy, with no mother and now no father. Temporary insanity?????
She needs her keester booted into the military!
Let them apply that tough love and discipline and she can even get herself an education, food, medical care, and housing.
Military wife with a suggestion
Beef jerky is a great gift and Jolly Ranchers. My husband is very popular at mail call time.
Happy Thanksgiving & we thank our military! (sm)
 http://www.sgtstrader.org/msg/2006tdm1.html
You will have to cut and paste this link I guess - it is worth it - very beautiful and touching!
military school? it worked for a guy i know. nm
x
Either the bank or Military Surplus store.
There would be only two reasons for me to run away from my home. One reason would be voluntarily, as in winning the lottery--hence the bank. The other would also be voluntary but there would be retribution involved--hence the Military Surplus store.
Send a free Let's Say Thanks post card to military
Xerox has a website set up where you can send a free printed postcard to U.S. military personnel stationed overseas showing your support and appreciation for their service to our country. Click on the link below to be directed to their website.
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