Son's teacher tells his classmates he has ADHD...
Posted By: Stressed mom of 3 on 2009-03-30
In Reply to:
My 12yo has ADHD diagnosed since he was 5. He is now in the 6th grade and is having an extremely difficult time with his peers. He is being picked on terribly, excluded from groups, bullied and harassed, always when the teacher is out of sight or has her back turned. She knows it is happening but doesn't always see it because they're sneaky. Last Friday was a worse than usual day for my son and the teacher actually witnessed some of the students being rude and mean to him. My son left the room to use the bathroom and while he was away the teacher announced to the whole class that he has ADHD and to stop picking on him. I know this is a fact because I asked several of the kids and they confirmed it. The teacher called me at home tonight to explain what happened and why she said it. She said she was so angry at the kids for the way they were treating my son and in a state of anger (the kind when you can't even think of words to express your emotions) she told them he had ADHD and his annoyances and behaviors are sometimes out of his control so stop picking on him. She basically read them the riot act. I realize she was trying to help and defend my son but even she admits maybe she made things worse. My son told me today that somebody called him "sped" for special education. I hurt so much for what he is going through and don't know what to do. Isn't ADHD protected under privacy and confidentiality laws? Did she violate my son't privacy or am I making a big deal out of it. I am having a meeting with the teacher on Wednesday and need some advice on what to do next.
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Trying to find classmates. Has anyone tried. .. sm
finding classmates through the advertised sites like Find a Classmate or Reunion.com, etc? I figure these are only successful if someone has registered on the site and doubt many of these classmates have registered. I don't know married names on lots of these people and don't know what state they now live in so I need one that tracks down from maiden name, school, home town, year of birth, etc. Any suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated!
Finding classmates
I have been successful at finding classmates by putting up a myspace profile at myspace.com. This is free and there are more of us (from the 70s) on their than you might think. It is primarily a social internet space for younger people, but I have located and reunited with several former classmates - it's great. There is also a section for high schools - so we are able to post about the good ole' days. It's fun being able to see pictures of old friends now, as well as their children and grandchildren. The best part is that there are no fees involved.
I'm sorry, but the kids already know about ADHD -
ADHD has almost become the "norm" in schools now, and the teacher announcing that did not tell them anything they did not already know. When my son entered first grade, the first day the teacher shook her pockets of her jacket at me, you could hear pill bottles rattling, and asked where his medication was. He was not on medication, but it seemed as if the whole rest of the class was.
I have 3 nieces and nephews who are on some form of medication for ADHD and also a stepdaughter who is on the highest dose of everything they can possibly give her. They are neither embarrassed by it, nor picked on about it. It is just as I said normal.
Do you have him on medication? If it is not controlling his behaviors, maybe you need to talk to his physician and either up his dosage or change his medicine if it is not working.
My son has ADHD and is 18 years old............. sm
It does get better, I promise, with a lot of hard work and understanding into his condition. I did have my son on medications for a while just so that he could sit still long enough at a time to get some kind of education. Through behavior training and much repeating of instructions, etc., he did learn eventually to control most of his hyperactive times and was better able to concentrate on the task at hand. Trust me, I know how monotonous it gets repeating things over and over again in order to get your child to do something, but this is all part of the behavior training. It is necessary to create new pathways in his brain that will better respond to the instructions you give him. My heart goes out to you because I have BTDT and have the T-shirt in every color.
Here is something that I found on the internet many years ago and printed out and hung in my kitchen to serve as a reminder to me that my child needed my special care and attention and it helped me tremendously. I hope it will help you as well.
"HELP ME TO FOCUS"
Please teach me through my sense of "touch". I need "hands-on" and body movement.
"I need to know what comes next." Please give me a structured environment
where there is a dependable routine. Give me an advanced warning if there will be changes.
"Wait for me, I'm still thinking." Please allow me to go at my own pace. If I rush, I get confused and upset.
"I'm stuck! I can't do it!"
Please offer me options for problem-solving. I need to know the detours when the road is blocked.
"is it right? I need to know NOW!" Please give me rich and immediate feedback on how I'm doing.
"I didn't know I WASN'T in my seat!" Please remind me to stop, think and act.
"Am I almost done now?"
Please give me short work periods with short-term goals.
"What?" Please don't say "I already told you that."
Tell me again in different words. Give me a signal. Draw me a symbol.
"I know, It's ALL wrong,isn't it?" Please give me praise for partial success. Reward me for self-improvement, not just for perfection.
"But why do I always get yelled at?" Please catch me doing something right and praise me for my specific positive behaviour. Remind me (and yourself) about my good points, when I'm having a bad day.
"I may be hard to live with, and have ADHD, but I still have feelings
and would have never chosen to hehave like I do sometimes."
God bless you in your journey to help your child.
CLASSMATES ya have to register costs zero
very easy at classmates.com, except for their ads (ignore them) - find the state, the school, the year you're interested in, then scroll away for the people's names. Most marrieds put up their maiden names at classmates.com.
I got one of those! But it was from a classmates friend supposedly....
and when I tried to open the link my computer froze up, thank goodness, I guess? Or could I still be in for trouble? Don't they need more information from you, passwords and such?
has he been tested for ADHD/ADD/autism?
x
Those are great for any child not just those with ADHD sm
I disagree with the poster above about trying to turn them into men. My son is almost 12. He is a child, not a man. He needs stronger guidance but he doesn't need me to make him suddenly grow up. I really like the list you gave. Good reminders! Thanks
Classmates.com is hugely successful. I graduated with over 900 sm
and right now we are only missing about 100 people. So, give it a try! Good luck!
Famous highschool or college classmates?
Anybody go to high school or college with someone that now is famous? My husband graduated high school with Dennis Basso. He is a designer who is on QVC a lot. I want my husband to call QVC everytime he is on to chat with him for laughs but he refuses. He says he was a loner in school, Dennis, I mean. Now look at him. Bringing home the big $$$$$
Better those than liar, cheater, retard or ADHD.
Those are just a few of the choice names that teachers have called my kids in the past. And my kids are all well-behaved honor roll students. I'm not stupid, I know they're capable of misbehavior. However, I have one kid who wants to quit band after five years because the teacher called him a retard. Now all the kids in the class call him retard, too. It's become his nickname. He's to the point of wanting to hit people who call him that. Frankly, I hope he does. I got nowhere calling the school on it. Since when did it become acceptable for teachers to call kids "retard?" Even if it was a joke, it's gone way too far. What do I have to do, home school or put him in private school? Now he's being harassed.
I think teachers use honey or sweetie because they can't remember all the kids' names.
Your son has ADHD, probably combined type along with opposition defiant disorder in a nutshell...sm
Been there for 14 years. Tantrums, fighting constantly with younger brother and sister to the point of injury, i.e. kicking, punching, slapping, throwing hammers, knifes, hard soled shoes, scissors, you name it. He is wonderful outside of the house. He is considered a very nice boy who is very well mannered and a hard worker (as he likes to do yardwork. That part of it is the ADHD at work). I knew something was wrong when he was about 1 1/2 years old and his sister came along and he started hitting her right away. Everyone from teachers to counselors told me it was all my fault and that my son had found a great way of manipulating me. That is...until the fourth grade when two weeks after school started a miraculous thing happened. His teacher called me in to say something was terribly wrong and that she suspected ADHD. I got the referral for testing with a pediatric neurologist and he was diagnosed with ADHD combined type (the hyperactive part), oppositional defiant disorder, and a learning disability. It has been a tortuous 14 years, I can tell you that. I have four more years to go and although I love my son more than words can say, at the age of 18 HE IS OUT THE DOOR!!!
HAHAHA, so that tells me they went
you're so funny.....
this kinda tells me that Tommy Chen's specifically went and sought out cats/dogs to serve up to the public...OMG - I'm nauseated...
I love Asian food today but I never order chicken in Chinese restaurants...I'l order shrimp because a shrimp looks like a shrimp....cannot be something else made to look like a shrimp.......*lol* Also, eating lots of Thai these days, versus Chinese....because I never got over what THEY did up there in NY....and I'm older than dirt *laughs*
my gyne tells me that he has one pt who
My gynecologist tells me he has a patient who is well over 75 who calls him all the time still having hot flashes.....
does it EVER end? I started my hot flashes probably at 38, done with menopause by 51-52...and am still hot flashing at night mostly in sleep, sweats actually....and I'm still in my 50s......
perhaps it never does end.....ut-oh..... 
Do what your heart tells you
Just my opinion, but I think you should do what your heart tells you. Sounds lame and cliche, but I think you know what I mean. If you're not happy, then you should seek happiness. I'm not one to say "DIVORCE!" but perhaps some time apart may rekindle what you both once felt. Absence makes the heart grow fonder OR out of sight, out of mind, right? You'll know which one it is once you try it. Staying for your children is not always the best thing, especially if they can see you're both not happy. They should see what a good marriage is like: loving, sharing, giving and NOT demeaning. I don't dare judge you, and I pray you find what your heart desires.
Stay away from anyone who tells you to snap out of it...
they are the ones who truly need help! I lost my dad and a grandson within a day of each other 18 months ago and still have not gotten over it. Granted, it is not on my mind as often as it was at first, but it is still everyday that I think about them. I truly have not had a good grief session over it. My doc said it will happen when I least expect it. He also suggested grief counseling and I am now starting to think I do need it. I am sorry for your loss. When our parents go it just reminds us of our own mortality. Good luck to you.
Yes...he tells me he is on fishing trips and that (sm)
there is no cell service there, so I can't call him, or reach him even if there was an emergency. And he does not call to check on us either.
I think it's how the "leader" TELLS them to wear it. UGH! - nm
My raunchy husband who tells
me he cannot get home because the "girls" have him tied down and then when I say he is really going to get it when he gets home, he says that is already happening. He is a mess.
Reminds me of a story my mom tells ---
My mother and grandfather were traveling and stopped at a coffee shop to get a quick snack. When my mother got to the table, my grandfather was putting sugar and cream in his coffee. My mother asked him when he started putting all that in his coffee as she had always known him to drink coffee black. He told her he really liked it black and not with all that stuff in it, but since he was paying for it he was going to use it!!!
If the school tells you to go to parenting classes
Is that a step away from the school calling the CPS? I visited my aunt at a resturant she was telling me about her children's children. She said the 12 yo was acting up really bad in school and he is about to get thrown out. Every word out of that woman's mouth was it is because the DIL won't.... or the DIL doesn't........ Aunt has the kids more than the DIL does and she is constantly critising the DIL on everything. She had their 2 yo son with her and he started grunting obviously messing his diaper and she hit him on the nose (not hard) and said STOP! Then he threw up and she covered his mouth as if to stop him and it did not work and somehow that was all DIL fault also. DIL would tell aunt what the pedi said and aunt disagrees that the pedi don't know what they are talking about, that she raised 3 boys and they were going to do things her way. She disagrees with what the parenting classes are teaching. You spank kids and spank them hard, she ran around with a hairbrush and a fly swatter when her kids were little. Her DIL called me one night in tears because at some family function aunt started in on her and saying that she is incompetant and she needed aunt and DIL threw her plate of food at her. Aunt got peturbed because DIl was feeding her then 1 year-old cheerios. I told the DIL that there is a government programs out there that can help her pay for childcare that she does not need to rely aunt. I got the number from my daycare director and gave it to her. She never called. I had also told the DIL that she better start listening to the school and to the pedis and not the aunt because she is the one responsible for those kids and if aunt does something they are going to hold her responsible. The aunt won't let her use anyone but her. She is very bossy and the matriarch of the family. I had offered to keep the kids on weekends but I am not good enough either. I don't make my kids mind and aunt would have to work to hard undoing everything I did. Funny, the school told me that whatever I was doing with my 5 year old to do it again with my 18 month old. The DIL and son are mentally handicapped, both were in special education class in high school and both are janitors of the school which is probably the best job they will ever get. Think they would do well though and their kids would thrive better if they had a better support system. I wished there was something I could do to help but they did not want any of my help. I just don't like to go around them anymore. I have turned down every offer my aunt had to watch my children. No way.
My cousin had a bypass, take it 1 day at a time, and do what the doc tells you. nm
xxx
My doc tells people to use OTC DHS Zinc Shampoo
nm
Yes, that's pretty much it. Phone tells you when they're due.
nn
WOW - something tells me I wasn't meant to reveal
my age! Let's try this again - FIFTY!!
Anyone who tells others that "they run in higher class circles" sm
says a lot. And the fact that you would call another person you don't even know a jerk also says tons about you. Sounds like WAYY too much guilt to me. Get help ASAP
what??? He walks out on his mom when she tells him to stay in the house, and do not ground him????
I am sorry, but she was absolutely right to ground him. He is hanging around with kids that are way older than him and drinking... You think it is okay to let that go?? I say he needs to learn that he is not the one in charge of this family and thatn Mom is... Every family has rules for their children and if the rules for that family are broken, it is the responsiblity of the parents to dish out the consequences. Yes encourage the good behavior and by all means tell them that you love them unconditionally every day (several times), but you are not their buddy, you are their parent
Really? LATE 50s? That is awesome! I am 40 - husband tells me I'm too old to be skating! (sm)
says if I get hurt my bones won't heal up quickly LOL! But I have rollerblades and I love it. I just have to start making time. Thanks for the reminder!
My husband's Aunt Delores, because she always tells everyone she loves them (nm)
x
Ohio Christian school tells student to skip prom
FINDLAY, Ohio – A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.
Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School's prom Saturday.
Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.
The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an "incomplete" on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.
Frost's stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school's rules should not apply outside the classroom.
"He deserves to wear that cap and gown," Johnson said.
Frost said he thought he had handled the situation properly. Findlay requires students from other schools attending the prom to get a signature from their principal, which Frost did.
"I expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid," Frost said. "I thought I would get his signature and that would be the end."
England acknowledged signing the form but warned Frost there would be consequences if he attended the dance. England then took the issue to a school committee made up of church members, who decided to threaten Frost with suspension.
"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," England said.
The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music "is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people's hearts and minds."
England said Frost's family should not be surprised by the school's position.
"For the parents to claim any injustice regarding this issue is at best forgetful and at worst disingenuous," he said. "It is our hope that the student and his parents will abide by the policies they have already agreed to."
The principal at Findlay High School, whose graduates include Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, said he respects, but does not agree with, Heritage Christian School's view of prom.
"I don't see (dancing and rock music) as immoral acts," Craig Kupferberg said.
teacher
The law better get to her before I do!!
I had a teacher like that when I was 7, and I
went from never wanting to miss a day of learning at school, to depression, stomach aches (both real and fake, to get me sent home), and from then on detested every minute spent in school. It only takes one rotten teacher to ruin your future.
Where is the teacher from?
Where I am from, everyone uses terms like sweetie, honey, hun, sugar, etc., interchangeably for males and females. They are terms of kindness and not necessarily terms of intimate endearment or disparaging sexisms. Now if she called your child something along the lines of Sugar Britches that would be another matter.
From a teacher's
perspective. I taught Adult School but I had some high school students in my class. We were mandated by state law to report all weapons, threats, signs of abuse immediately. If a report was made to a teacher it had to be reported to the administration and administration had to report it to the local authorities. If administration took no action in your son's case, heads should be rolling about now. I would contact the local police department (go in in person if you can) and report the incident to them. Tell them what your child has witnessed, been threatened with, overheard, the "harm list" etc. and ask the police to handle the case. If the school knew about it and didn't act on it and heads roll so be it. I would rather have a school administrator fired than have even one child injured/killed let alone another Columbine incident. It is the school's responsibility and they have apparently dropped the ball, so go over their heads. One more question, who is this kid? Someone high up in your city, parent's have money, pull or social status? In other words is it being glossed over because of whose kid it is?
That was the letter he was given by the teacher. nm
x
What a good teacher you are. sm
You're not only making the parents happy, but showing a good example to the kids. Good for you and Merry Christmas.
Yes I would - it's not the teacher's place to do this....sm
shouldn't they be spending time teaching anyway instead of being worried about what kids do and don't believe in outside of the classroom?
Teachers are being allowed to do whatever they want this day in time. My high schooler listens to her biology teacher rant and rave each day about the "evils" of eating meat and she's sick of hearing it every day and is anxious for the end of the semester next week to get rid of this obsessive teacher.
To the teacher? Sadly, nothing. To my son: SM
I just told him that sadly some people don't believe in Angels and God, but that we know they are for real. I told him about different things that have happened in our lives that showed us that they were real and told him we should just remember to pray for his teacher at night and to just not talk about it with her at school.
I was really mad at her and practiced in my head what I wanted to say to her, but unfortunately (or fortunately) I never had the guts to confront her about it. I thought I was over it (this happened 8 years ago!), but I'm feeling angry all over again right now. Oh well...let it go Chickadee! :) 
Chickadee
teacher's gift
If your kid has the teacher in the above posting, you could send him a few good lesbian porno websites.
Don't everyone tell me how rotten I am - it was too funny to see this post right after the one about the teacher with the porn on his computer.
A teacher at my son's school...
on the radio! Isn't that AWESOME...especially since teachers are highly underpaid...just wanted to share...
for teacher of 6 years
My son is graduating from 5th grade this year. He's had a most wonderful speech therapist at school for the last 6 years, and I would like to get her something really nice, but appropriate. She is a super speech therapist, and just one of the sweetest people. She really helped my son with his speech impediment, and I'ld like to show my appreciation in some way materially. Any suggestions? Thanks
I would talk with the teacher first
some of the above posts are wanting to tar and feather- it is NORMAL having a period. Do you stop your life when pregnant?? I was talking to the post about why get an excuse from a physician to lay out when on a period. These children now are a lot more advanced than we were in years past and boys, even in their immaturity, know about periods and such. Kids are going to sex classes together long before 13 and OMG, they learn things such as this. I would never ever listen to a child before talking with the adult involved and make sure the story is straight- then and only then would I either talk with the teacher 1:1 or if no satisfaction then, talk with highers. I posted to the listing above saying to get excuse from physician. That is laughable.
Talk with the teacher
I would schedule a meeting with the teacher. Tell her your daughter handles the tasks concerning her with no problem at home and ask what exactly is going on that has her concerned.
I would also talk with your child to see if any of her comments shed some insight into how things are going at school and the type of interaction with the teacher.
Kindergarten teacher
My little one just started kindergarten this year, and already I am getting flak from the teacher. She called me to tell me that my daughter is having problems putting papers in her folder, and that it seems like her hands get flustered when shes trying to do tasks like this. She also tells me that I need to make her do things around the house, like clean up her toys, take her dinner plate to the sink, etc. (all of these things that she has been doing for a while now!), so of course I just say okay, not wanting to seem like a smarty pants by telling her she already does these things. After I got off the phone I gave my daughter papers and a folder and told her to put them inside. She did, without a problem at all. Well, I was dropping her off this morning and I was walking her downstairs to her class and I had her lunch box in my hand from when we got out of the car, and they have this basket that they put the lunches in that sits outside of the door. So as I am walking out I just put it in the basket and go to leave, and the teacher (who was heading towards the classroom) makes it a point to stop in front of me and tells me that I need to let her do these things on her own and not to do them for her. It took all I had not to explode in her face! If I happen to be carrying her lunch box and just put it in the basket myself, I see no problem with that. Its also the demeanor of this teacher that I don't like...kind of like one of those people who "tries to be helpful and nice" but is actually condescending and rude. I wanted to say, Lady, why don't you get your nose out of my business and go teach the class? UGH. She just drives me up one side of the wall and down the other!!
daycare teacher
Ask her about it. See how she reacts. Maybe she is in the military. Maybe she doesn't know its posted. You just never know. Ask her.
I would definitely talk to the teacher -sm
and have your child moved aware from this nut case. When I was in 2nd grade a boy came up to me on the playground and stabbed me with a pencil in my forearm, nice puncture wound.....I do not remember anything being done to him in terms of a punishment, cannot ask my mom as she died a few years ago. I hated that kid from that day on though. Get this, he is now a doctor.
Here's to my Home Ec teacher!
All this discussion reminds me of my Home Ec class. We took the class in grades 5-8. This would have been 1973 to 1976. The boys took shop class, and the girls went to Home Ec. In 8th grade, we were allowed to choose shop or home ec, and I still chose Home Ec.
My teacher was Mrs. Moffet, and she was wonderful. The women in my family were also great teachers, but Mrs. Moffet was great, too. In our small, close-knit community of Italian immigrants, I don't think there was a young lady my age who didn't already know how to make bread and pasta by hand, sew from a pattern, and clean house. Still, Mrs. Moffet taught us lots of great things. We made clothing and had a fashion shows every year. And I still remember her teaching us how to make doughnuts. LOL I've never done that since, but it was fun that day. We snacked on warm doughnuts and drank REAL hot chocolate that we made. I do still make real hot chocolate, and every time I do, I think of Mrs. Moffet's smiling face. She was elderly in those days, so I'm sure she's no longer on this earth. Mrs. Moffet, wherever you are, here's to you!
::: raises cup of cocoa :::
I would say something to the teacher of the class
They should be the one to stop this chick from preventing other kids from having one.
I wouldn't say anything to her parents, though. That is the teacher's job if they feel so inclined to do so.
Why isn't the teacher of the class saying something as it happens? nm
x
The teacher was wrong, but
I can understand her frustration. I think she was trying to help your son. I think these other kid's parents need to be informed of what their kids are doing. They're bullying your son and no child should have to go through that. There are policies against it in almost every school district. If these other kids can't control their mouths and actions, then maybe they need to be suspended or moved to another class. I'll bet if their parents were told that, the kids would straighten up in a hurry. Name calling is just as much bullying as actually touching somebody.
Are you going to tell us what happened when you confronted the teacher?
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