Sometimes, though, it helps the person dying to know sm
Posted By: jjj on 2009-01-27
In Reply to: what do you say to someone who is dying - MT mom
you have accepted it and they can go on. My dad held on until my mom said I'll be okay without you, I know you cannot go on any longer. He died within the next few hours of my mom saying that to him. We, too were in denial, and I believe that is why he hung on so long. Tell her what an impact she had on your life and how much she has meant to you and you will love her forever. Is she right with Christ? Does she believe she is going to heaven? In my grief class after my dad died, sometimes you don't have to say anything, just a "meeting of the hearts." Just go over there and see her and let whatever happens happens. Let your heart lead you.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
What if he's dying right now?
Something more TERRIBLE is happening tonight. That poor dog may be bleeding to death internally or already dead and because you're a coward to tell them or even make an anonymous phone call and you ASSUME the police wouldn't help. They absolutely WOUD go to the address and tell them if you made an anonymous call, if you don't have the nerve to face up to it. This is 2007. People have a clue about animals. Well, most of us do....
It does not matter people whose fault it was to that dog. It does not help him to exchange blame. If you have to play those human games, then do it later, after he's helped. If he doesn't have tire marks on him, how are the owners even supposed to know if he's hurt? It's not like they can talk, you know.
This make me sick. I work rescue. I see and hear worse every day, but it just eats at my soul to know somebody is sitting there "feeling horrible" and "doing nothing" to help God's creature.
dying
I think it is a normal phase kids go through. My 5-year-old started talking about death last year. When I watch medical shows on TV she is very interested (which is great), but it also scares her. She is afraid of heart disease now because of a show I was watching. I try to explain it to her also, but she is still stuck on the whole dying/death issue. I really don't know what to say, other than keep talking about it and hopefully he will become more comfortable with it.
what do you say to someone who is dying
A life long family friend has cancer and chose not to take treatment. She is in her upper 80s. She has other ailments and was once very active but now all she can do is stay in bed and hurt which is why she chose to let nature take its course. The doctors only gave her 3 weeks to live. She lives with her son, he never married and is in denial.
This woman lived next door to my grandparents and I used to love to go over there when I was little. She had a little dog that I could play with. She had a piano that she would let me play on. She had tons of jewelry and I loved to go over there and play dress up. She has been good to my mom. Mom lost her house and she gave mom a place to live which is a trailer house next door. To me that was a big thing as she always kept her stuff neat and nice and picture perfect and mom, Gosh I love her, is a slob.
I am thankful for this woman and she will hold a very special place in my heart but I really don't know what to say. I don't want to be unrealistic but I don't think that talking like she is dying would be right either. I don't know what to say if that topic gets brought up.
I wish I just new someone who sewed :)) Seems like a dying art
and what a shame! I don't know how many times I have said in the last 20 years... 'if only I knew someone who could sew!' I can do buttons and great at hemming tape and have sewn in the past but way too frustrating for me!! Good for you!!
My grandmother is dying also
She and I are not exactly close, we live across the country from each other and always have. She was never very nice to my mother so I had a hard time getting close to her. My brother and I are the only family she has left and of the 2 or us I am the only one that keeps in constant contact with her.
When I do talk to her I reminisce. Not about our times together but about when she was younger. She loves to talk about herself.
If this woman feels like talking do that. Or maybe she just feels like listening and you could tell her how much you enjoyed playing her piano and playing with her jewelry. Just let her know she made a difference in your life. You don't have to outright talk about missing her, but I know she will get the message and I am sure it will bring her some comfort.
Thanks for the posts on my furkid dying
I posted on the 11th and my little girl, oh she went by several names, Kitty-Kitty, baby, sweet lamb and my little girl, but actually her name was Emerald, died at my home the next day, Saturday 1/12/2008. She was born at my home 18 years ago and how I loved her. She had some ID keys that she wore on a collar and everytime I would go to the powder room or the kitchen, she would always come in, when I returned home here she came with the little keys sounding off. Now the quiet is almost deafening in my home. I have 2 other furkids (cats, both males) my husband gave to me, knowing Kitty-Kitty was older and when she died the others would sorta soften the blow. Nah, I love them but she was my baby. My daughter claimed her but "let" me have Emerald when daughter married because she knew my heart would break if she moved her. I went to the vet the day before Emerald died and asked if I thought she was in pain, was there anything I could give her - he told me a baby aspirin every 3 days and also if she were not sleeping, could give children's benadryl to help her rest. I never felt she was in pain and I held her Saturday morning for about 4 1/2 hrs telling her I loved her and she could go, knew she was sick and had been for several weeks really bad. I made her comfortable, covering her with a light blanket on a pillow and she died later on that afternoon. I dug a grave for her in my yard so she would never have to really leave her home. I will always treasure her love and the joy she gave us. What a wonderful girl and she was just my little girl.
my freezer/fridge is dying
Like an idio t, i thought it was my imagination that stuff wasn't getting cold enough or frozen hard enough in my fridge/freezer so i haven't said anything to the manager of our townhous complex. around Wedesday I noticed my cool whip wasn't frozen. Now my "frozen" fish sticks are softer and easy to break. Are they safe to eat? what happens if a "keep frozen" food gets thawed out? Is it still safe to eat?? The office isn't open until Monday and he probably won't get here until Monday afternoon at the earliest so what do I do with all my food in the meantime??
I have to disagree. Marriage is not a dying
tradition. My parents just celebrated their 63rd anniversary. My husband and I celebrated our 30th anniversary this past June, so no, marriage is not a dying tradition.
I'm more afraid of dying before I have a CHANCE to get old. nm
x
It's the images of dying people that get to me.. you must be out of the loop
nm
I hear you- I had a friend dying of AIDS
that I lived with and helped take care of so he could die at home. There were times it was so stressful and uncertain that I would sometimes wish he would just die already. I felt like the worst person in the world for feeling that way but now I realize I am only human and I did the best I could.
I have a friend who called me to say her 34 year old son dying
this past week. I was shocked but this is a kid who has never hardly worked, looked to his mother for most things- she is on retirement and sucks the life from her. He is in ICU with cirrhosis, liver and kidney failure, started on dialysis yesterday. He has sat at home, not working, something wrong with all the jobs, but now he did have a girlfriend who worked part-time. My friend tells me he sat on the couch just drinking until he could not get up but continued just drinking, not eating, everything tasted like cardboard, he said. Well you know who was taking him the beer, right? The mother of course. Last Thursday my size 4 girlfriend had to carry her son (who was 60 something lbs) out to her car and rushed him to hospital, he stopped breathing, been on vent since. This is a mother who does the above, gives all she can and runs herself out to help her boys (34 and 34) but she thinks she helps. She has almost helped him into his grave - oh he is still very, very ill and may not make it. BTW, the girlfriend is now at the hospital begging for gas money to go back and forth to see the boyfriend and yet the mother has no real income of her own. She feels like she is an excellent mother also. Really sad to see this and so irritating at the same time as she really does not get it, the damage she is doing (has done).
My heart is heavy -I think my older cat is dying
It is hard to type or even see when your eyes are brimming with tears. I have had this girl since her mother first showed up at my door pregnant with her about 17 years ago. She is a purr girl and she has been sick, had a stroke which she recovered from but now a couple of months later feel like she is living on borrowed time. Not in pain but seems to be sorta stuporous, will respond when I call her name by looking at me. I have hand fed her water (ice water which she likes) and also she took very little in in the way of food. I called my daughter to see if she wanted to come by tonight after she gets off from work and she said absolutely. I hated to tell her at work but so afraid this ole girl is not going to make it much longer. She has trouble getting around so I am her legs now. If she needs to go to the bathroom, I will take her there also. I have her laying on 1 of my fav sweaters now in my work room, held her lots last night and today also. My heart hurts.
My oldest furgirl is dying and I am crying
I have just called the veterinarian's office to see if there was anything they could give me to ease her pain, should she be in any which I do not think is the case. I have had her since she was born at my home so it is almost unbearable today. The vet had told me about a week or so ago that her organs were probably failing due to some lab tests she had. I gave her some water with a syringe and even tried feeding her some this morning as I do not want her to be hungry nor thirsty. She is laying on a blanket and I have a cover on her. Besides my having her put down which is really hurting my heart- she has been with me all these years- is there anything I can give her so she is not having a painful death and I just don’t know about it. Thanks everyone.
dying tradition would refer to the new generation
x
Are you a night person or a morning person?
Just curious . . .
Thanks. I think mine is slowly dying. It sometimes gets a reddish tint all over it and I think the
refresh or whatever it does through the different colors isnt working right. I do shut it off when I am not working but I am usually working except at night. I paid a decent amount for this so thought I would get at least 3 years out of it.
Guess talking with dying aunt over daughter just shouldn’t happen
Yes I did say disconnect (have thought about that for some time just due to the excessive amount spent on land phone though and daughter suggested disconnecting also to save $$$) the fuss was the fact about others assumming something. I took what I considered to be the more important of the 2 calls- basically I talk with the daughter every week several times and the aunt - well what would most do?
Dying girl denied more time with imprisoned father - please sign the petition (sm)
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Have-Mercy-on-Jayci
This child is 10 years old - this is national news, not a hoax of any kind. This child was healthy six months ago and now has very limited time to live. Her father is imprisoned and her dying wish is to spend more time with him - which is being denied. Please go to the above website and sign the petition asking the Nebraska prison system to honor her request.
THANKS SO MUCH THIS HELPS NM
nm
See if this helps. sm
http://www.replacements.com/webquote/TAUWIC.htm
item 182937
It all helps!
You know I started using GoodSearch for the group I was interested in and then ended up volunteering. I would not have thought I coulde have such a good time working for free, LOL!
See if this helps.....
I have had a heel spur, on the right that I use for my foot pedal, ouch! Bottom line, it eventually just went away and I was told this is the case sometime. If you are having some kind of foot pain (I was having electrical like currents when I walked on my left foot, no other time) and 1 lady here on MTstars suggested wearing arch supports. I had spent years trying to get some assistance and that finally was my answer. I could hug her neck!! I would definitely try the arch supports, inexpensive and might be the answer.
Thank you so much! It really, really helps to know someone gets it (sm)
I don't know that I am handling it so well. I am scared to death but I am trying to just keep moving forward anyway. I know it is time. I know I can't fix it.
I don't know if it helps to know
you're not the only one in this situation. I don't have any financial magic wands lying around unfortunately. What I've been doing for medical care, since I'm also uninsured, is seeing a nurse practitioner at a school-based clinic in my community that operates on a sliding scale, so I only have to pay $20. per visit. The NP does my Pap smears and lab work, writes my scrips, and refers me for other diagnostics like yearly mammos. She put me on LexaPro for depression about 2 years ago, which probably saved my sanity and my life.
Are there community-based clinics where you live? You probably need an antidepressant, at least for the short term. It will enable you to make constructive decisions and see that the future is not the bleak dead end it appears to be right now.
Take care of yourself.
if this helps
Credit Unions are less slimy than banks, or you could just skip it altogether and take your money out every time you get paid.
My church collects birthday party decorations, plates, etc. I would go you the church nearest you and ask for some help with the birthday parties.
I take a 20 minute nap and that helps when I get like this.
.
I think it helps to plan.
Even if that would be for 7 days. I like to somewhat plan, and then deviate when needed. Staples are pretty much always on hand. For something different, I'll look at cookbooks and write down the ingredients adding them to my shopping list. I think having a list and pretty much knowing what you want to cook each day is a good way to save money and curb overspending on none-such items. I am battling with getting my kids to eat more fruits and veggies, so I am having that struggle (should be eating more rice and not so many potatoes). Good luck.... 
Hope this helps :)
I have a teenage daughter; we live in the Midwest, just outside the Twin Cities. Being fashionable can be so hard, especially on a budget. So I hope this will help... :)
As far as hair, definitely a little longer hairstyle, but not too long... yes, shaggy is in, but it has to be a groomed shaggy.
For clothing, the boys in this area in that age group are wearing anything from casual preppy with brands like Abercrombie, Hollister, and American Eagle, to skateboard punk, with brands like Volcom, etc. Also, "rock" T-shirts are in.
I support my children off my income as a QA person, so it can be hard to get those pricier brand name items. Target has a lot of nice things that are very fashionable and look like the higher end brands without the cost. Also, we have a store called Plato's Closet nearby. It is like a consignment shop, but they purchase the used clothes directly from people instead of on a pay you if it sells basis, and they are SUPER picky... they only pick the best items in great condition that are CURRENT and TRENDY. If you have something like that in your area, it is a GREAT resource... Also, TJ Maxx carries designer items at lower prices, usually they are overstocks. I buy for my daughters this way, and they get tons of compliments on their wardrobes... no one would ever know that I spent probably LESS than I would have if I bought their clothes from Walmart.
Good luck!!! Have fun with the makeover! :)
time is what helps
The first year is the hardest. You have to go through the first xmas, the first birthday, etc. It slowly gets a little easier. My dad died 11 years ago and I still miss him. Sometimes the littlest thing will remind me of him and I just will start crying. I found reading books on the stages of grief helped. Take care.
Yep...taking something for that which helps a lot though (sm)
Trouble sleeping, etc. Mostly get a restless feeling during the day...bored, want to do something different, need to think about multiple things at once. Want to hear the TV and work and still daydreaming about other things at the same time!
I know a lot about this - hope this helps
The first question I need to ask you is if DCFS will be keeping the case open on the 16 MO since they stepped in and the g'ma agreed to take the 3 children. This is important because if there is an open case, you will need to go through them to get legal custody (you shouldn't have a problem since the g'ma asked for your help). If you get the 16 mo, since you are within 5 generations related to the child, you would be considered kinship care, not foster care. You could then apply for TANF (Temporary Aid for Needy Families) which would give you a small stipend per month (how much depends on the state where you live). The child would be considered a household of 1 and have no income, thus qualifying for this benefit. In addition, the child would get Medicaid and WIC benefit. WIC would drop when the child starts school and then would receive free meals at school. Since you know the child has some issues, Medicaid will pay for services, including any counseling for the child and for you. You would have to cooperate with the state in getting a child support order to help pay the state back for these services.
There is a federal law that requires the state to place the kids with relatives first and special attention given to a sibling situation, trying to keep all the kids together when possible. The law also requires that the state (if a case is open) to help the parents reunite by providing drug rehab, parenting classes, regular visitations, etc. BUT, if the child(ren) are kept in the system for 15 out of 24 months and the parents are not reunified by this time, the state is to find adoptive families. They consider relatives adopting first, but if relatives won't/can't adopt (you would lose all the state benefits), they try to place with non-relative adoptions, again trying to keep all the siblings together.
You would not be considered foster care unless you went through the FC system and the classes and became certified. States give more help and money to FC parents, but you also have no guarantees that once the child becomes attached to you (and you to the child), that you would get to adopt the child after the 15/24 rule...so you risk losing the child being a FC parent.
I am in the process of adopting my granddaughter. Drugs didn't come into play until she was over 2 years old, but she remembers that her mom dumped her on me and we just finished 10 months of counseling to deal with those issues (she is 4 now).
If you want to write me privately, I'd be glad to help. It really is a challenge.
There is a website for people in this situation and I have gotten tremendous support from the people there. Go to www.grandsplace.org and read some of the resources there.
Best of luck to you. Over 5 million kids are in kinship care now...a very sad statistic.
Thank you -- it helps just knowing
I'm not the only one with a child like this. What I did learn from the child psychologist is that I have 2 other children who react normally to discontentment. Yes, they get angry and occasionally fight, but not to the extent that this one does.
I have threatened to call the police but never have. Maybe 1 of these times I will. I sympathize with you in your plight. I hope things continue to go well for you and your son. Thank you.
Hope this helps. sm
http://www.myhomeremedies.com/static/fleas-and-ticks.html
It probably varies from person to person (sm)
With me, first child I was out of the bed seriously within 5 minutes of having him. I didn't tear or have to be cut, he was 7 pounds, 3 ounces. The doctor did some type of vaginal massage on me though while I was in labor and that was supposed to help loosen the vaginal wall?
Second child, same experience. She was 8 pounds, 1 ounce and within 5 minutes of having her, while they took her to the nursery to get cleaned up and all, I walked downstairs with my husband to the cafeteria to get a drink and stretch my legs. I had already put my regular clothes back on as well. My doctor who delivered her was walking in my room as I was walking in and he was stunned a second and said he thought I was a visitor, LOL, not the patient.
I don't think you have to have bed rest in normal cases. With my son I went home within 24 hours with him and with my daughter we went home in only 20 hours.
you're welcome. hope it helps. nm
nm
Yes - I saw one here who helps with police cases
and she was very accurate. I do believe some people have this gift. If you think about it, shows like Medium and Heroes are becoming more and more popular and I think people are opening up to the fact that this is real. I love John Edward too but he's booked for the next trillion years!
exercise helps tremendously
even bike riding on crisp days is a sure way to feel alive again. On cloudy days it brightens my day. I hope you find your outlet :)
Cortisone helps many but didn't help me (sm)
I had plantar fasciitis with spurs for 2 years! I walked funny on my foot for so long that I caused a stress fracture of my fifth metatarsal! At that point I had a cast on my foot for 4 weeks, with no weightbearing for three weeks! It was hard to do! Then I had a velcro cast for 4 more weeks. After that my foot finally was well!! It took a few months to get totally back to normal but for 2 years now have been able to wear any shoes I want. I highly recommend trying nonweightbearing for a little while, and get a velcro cast if you can. When I say nonweigtbearing I mean none - you have to give the inflamed area a chance to heal without it being aggravated. Now every day before I get out of bed I do "crunches" with my feet - scrunching them up, which seems to help prevent recurrence. Good luck to you! This ailment can make you feel way older than you are because you can't do what you want to do!!
I also know of one religion that helps out community
they actually pay back some in taxes to communities where there is a volunteer fire department, etc., precisely because they benefit from such services.
Yes, it helps a lot....I can even skip a day occasionally....lol nm
x
Yeah they say nuetering helps...sm
Mine is so sweet I haven't even nuetered him. But there have been some offers to breed him to females and because he is such a wonderful dog I would like to keep his bloodline going with other family pets who are inside family dogs.
Now I can tell you if the dogs were bullying my child such as the ones in San Francisco they would no longer be inside and would probably be kept in some kind of kennel. I would not even trust them to stay in the yard. They would have been under lock and key. I know personally that you can't keep a pit bull locked in a room and expect that he won't get out. I tried that when I left my house because I didn't want him to be free roaming around the house because he is nosy and may get into something or chew something. Well he tore the door down and got out. I was so mad. But I learned that you can't keep them in a room and believe they can't get out. He was about a little less than a year then but now he is so good and don't get into things when I leave him. I guess the puppy in him made him do it. But I cannot express enough that mother should have never kept those pits in the house if there was the slightest problem with her son. Those must have been some mean pits. This irresponsible breeding makes me so mad. I don't want my dog to be some mean killing machine. I want a sweet baby. That is why I thought I would never own a pit but he was such a sweetheart as a pup. He was and still is real laid back.
Exercise really helps. At least an hour a day. Gets those
111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
sorry - Only helps the big formula companies make $.
Toddler nursing is a normal! The criticism of a 22 month old breastfeeding is just a reflection of people's anti-breastfeeding attitudes.
Hmmm, less sugar helps your pain? sm
Geesh, I'll have to try cutting back. Since the holidays when I way overdid the whole sweets issue, I find my pain has increased signficantly, but I assumed it was due to all the painting I have been doing in addition to all the stress. I take Relafen 200 4 tabs daily and have Darvocet for the more severe pain, but I only use that at night, unless of course I have a nasty daytime headache, then I take one. I only take 1 day ususally. Would like to be able to cut back on both but it hasn't been possible.
Although hard with our jobs, exercise helps. At least 45
sleepy
Does anybody know what helps get rid of fever blisters really fast. I just got some and they are
not very nice looking on my lips.
Eating an apple really helps my cravings. nm
!
Maybe as soon as you wake up, you can take some Benadryl (or generic), that helps me. nm
x
You're welcome, Kaydie, I just hope it helps you. nm
x
St. Vincent de Paul helps families in any kind of need
xx
|
