Some men don't see the little steps that lead to affairs...
Posted By: ndmt on 2009-02-25
In Reply to: Need opinions on situation with husband - wimt
What I am seeing that are red flags include...
1) She has chosen to discuss her relationship/marital problems with a married person of the opposite sex - this 100% creates an intimate situation between 2 people that should only exist in the relationship/marriage.
2) She has chosen to discuss her marital problems with her clients - this is not really appropriate client/professional behavior. She is looking for a personal connection with someone.
3) She has accepted a fairly large amount of money from a client given to help her personal situation and not as a professional thank you - this is setting up a deeper intimate relationship. She is looking for a provider.
4) Your husband seems to be filling a need to be important and a hero in someone's life by giving her this money (I agree with hero concept below but sex isn't necessarily the solution) - he is responding to the deeper intimate relationship. He is being the provider.
5) He is mad at you and telling you that you are being stupid about this - he is invested in this relationship enough to defend it.
For every step he takes forward, the relationship has a chance of becoming more serious. As each little step that he takes becomes okay with him, the next step is a little closer and a little more natural. While he may never get up 1 day and say I am going to have an affair, he is about halfway down the road and might not realize it yet.
I strongly suggest talking with him about it. Food and sex is a not a cure for this one. Make sure he knows that you are not comfortable with this and you are both done seeing this gal as a hairdresser.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Sad state of affairs when he is in the top 2
because if people are really thinking they are voiting for talent, far from it. I think the vote is the cutesy vote, not anything close to anyone with staying power nor star power the likes of Carrie. Oh, could be a shooting star, flash across the night and then gone. He is really 1 of the weaker singers I have ever seen on this show and watched it each and every year. Malinda will do very well. She is strong and will probably outshine most on there this year. I hope people will come to their senses and at least vote Jordin in.
Ridiculous! Quirks do not = affairs
most people do only find out "after the fact" but to make someone else paranoid like that who you don't even know! Sorry that was your situation, but its not everyone's.
You're right, quirks do not = affairs but
I'm certainly not saying he is but poster does say the house is very busy and sometimes as wives, we tend to be so busy, we at first don't see these things as pointing toward anything like an affair. Now, maybe he's not and maybe he is just hard of hearing, which too can explain his agitation when she has to repeat stuff to him and he sees her frustration as well.
But, if he's preoccupied with something else going on outside the home, the same "not listening" takes place. Been there myself and it did start just like that. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts he didn't care about anything else and did get agitated/angry at me if I had to repeat or ask him something.
Poster just needs to re-evaluate where he is at and when and if his routine has changed. Just don't be blind!
I do believe in God, I don't believe he would lead (sm)
someone to have an abortion. I do think children can be born into bad homes that make them turn into criminals. I just think it needs to take a little longer to get an abortion, require some counselling about the possible emotional effects later for the girl/woman and the child's father as well. There needs to be more emphasis placed on people who want to give their children up for adoption. The whole issue just needs to be more organized and more controlled. There shouldn't be so many babies needlessly dying.
lol... at least there was no LEAD in it!
steps
I agree with you and feel very deeply for this poor child. This woman is hateful, immature, and a dozen other adjectives that I could add, but they just would not change her bad, bad, bad, bad behavior and attitude. Wonder if her husband knows she is trash-talking him online --- would love to here his opinion of this situation --- since she has unilaterally decided to air her dirty laundry in a public format. Who is spitful and immature????
steps
Example of what??? Someone who supports children rather than those who abuse them?
steps
You be gone --- find someting to do rather than supporting this freaks abuse of her husband's 5-year-old child.
steps
If I am a nut for not supporting child abuse, then a nut I am.
steps
Thank you for your warped insight. I do not, in fact have low self esteem --- that belongs to those of you who think that a 5-year-old child deserves this type of abuse.
Maybe your stepdaughters were on to something they saw in you.
steps
better annoying than warped enough to support child abuse.
steps
I don't need pills or booze, but I am not surprised that you do. Child abuse is not okay. I have contacted a moderator to request that they track down this nut job and report her to the authorities in whatever state she lives in. She sounds unbalanced and dangerous, and in my opinion this poor child needs to be protected. They also need to make the child's father aware of the venom this woman is directing at his child.
It sounds to me like this child is simply responding to her bratty behavior and she is the one who needs to be reigned in.
Unlike you, I do not believe that child abuse is acceptable --- most people do not take pills or alcohol to forget that fact, obviously it helps you, though.
take steps
start documenting on a notepad what happens and when. Keep the note you found. definitely contact the police for further documentation, and ask for extra patrols. Maybe they can even "investigate" the possible "friends." If it were me, I'd keep outside porch lights on, and keep a loaded gun in a safe/quickly accessible place (if no small kids in house). There is too much tragedy going on nowadays to ignore this kind of thing. It is NOT something to ignore.
Lead in lipstick - what's next?
They mentioned brands like L'Oreal and Cover Girl. Are you starting to read labels? Ever read canned good labels - like applesauce - yep, China.
baby steps
Start by throwing away what is broken, stained and full of holes. If I can't throw that away, I make a rag bag and put it in the garage for checking the oil.
Talked to breeder, possible lead
I called my Misha's breeder to see if she had run into any diseases in her dogs. She figured out who the parents were and then remembered that her father, Bear, had lupus. Because his problem involved anemia, I believe she means SLE, which is the bad kind. But it does fit Misha quite well since it can cause neurological symptoms and other quirky problems she's had over the years, so I'm going to have them check her ANA. She's on prednisone right now, which is the appropriate treatment for SLE anyway. I think I can sleep now that I have a theory.
Talking to me about my smoking may lead
to burn marks on your forehead as I put out my cigarette. Oh, was that your head?
I just think you lead them there first, and let them learn for themselves what is right or wrong (sm
If you point out everyone's sin to them before they learn about God's love, they are going to run.
start with small steps
It does sound like separation anxiety. I've had this. I start with small steps -- going out and driving around a couple of blocks and then coming back home again. Then I increase the amount of time I am driving little by little. She knows Mom will be back this way and over time has gotten used to my being gone for hours. She had been abused when I got her and was a wreck emotionally so I hope this gives you comfort.
I also keep the atmosphere at home the same when I go out as when I am home -- radio playing, lights on, etc. No drastic changes except for me being gone. My pets like New Age. Puts them right to sleep. (me too sometimes).
If you have an answering machine, call home and just talk to the dog as you would if you were there. Let him hear your voice. He might just think you are in another room, but with your dog he might tear down the doors to get to you so I don't know about this for your circumstances.
I also have a roomy crate near my desk and I keep a pair of slippers near it. I have a couple of cats and a dog. They all argue over who's crate it is, as they think it is their "special place." The door is left open all the time. Often I find them all in there snuggled up together. But this gives them a feeling of a special place whether I am here or not. They have their place, I have mine. I think this helps when I am gone because I often find my dog has dragged her favorite blanket over to the crate while I was gone. My scent is on the slippers and that comforts her.
Also, bringing home a treat helps!
I have a cat who pries the cabinet doors open and curls up inside the frying pans. Now I have an obstacle course of buckets, etc. to climb over as I work at the counter! (If I move them, I forget to put them back until I hear him close the cabinet door behind himself.)
There are more tricks out there somewhere but I can't remember any of them. Hope you find something that works for you. That's a BIG problem in more ways than one!
How will our daughters learn to stand up for themselves if we do not lead by example
I have always stood up for my daughter and have tried to teach her the same and now that she is getting older I can see that it is paying off. You go girl!!!!!
The FIRM is great. I built 2 steps for it. nm
nm
In some locations, you can rent an exerciser instructor to lead
s
Bad idea...unfair and taking steps backward.
This segregates a group out and discriminates against others. It says one group of citizens deserves more special attention or situation than others.
If homosexuals want to be treated like everyone else, they must extend this through every aspect of their life.
It wasn't easy for women or blacks to get to vote or have any of the rights we do today. This group will have to fight for theirs, as well.
I also want to point out that there is no way to shove the homosexual agenda down the throats of those who are opposed and make them like it.
im the one who started this conversation. things always lead to an argument on this board.
but, i have friends who never started teh santa thing, and then i have friends who still practice the santa tradition. i never questioned myself. i just did as i had been raised. but i understand how some people just dont even start santa. its cool either way. and no one has to agree...everyone is different, i respect differences. but there has got to be a cut off point for puplic school teachers, to step back and leave things for teh parents. yes other kids tell them the truth about santa and, at least i have taught my children that its "bologna..if they dont believe, they dont get presents...bla bla"..so tehy have no prob blowing that off. but when their TEACHER says it, it might as well be the GOSPEL. ya know.
Yeah. I dont wear lead apron, I just stand in other
x
lead in toys/Made in China...beware of Happy Meal toys
I watched a special on CNN yesterday about lead content in toys. I did not realize by your child simply touching a toy and putting his fingers in his mouth he could be ingesting lead. The special included a segment on a nice family that lived in a brand new home with a 2 year old and 6 month old. They both tested positive for lead. A 2 year old!!!! Worried, I went to my boy's toybox this morning and it is AMAZING how many painted toys are from China. Most notably this includes happy meal toys. I haven't gotten through one toy box and already have a trash bag full of toys. Please, please go through your children's toys. Lead ingestion can lead to brain damage. Be paranoid. Throw away all of the made in China stuff. Christmas is just weeks away--they will be getting new stuff (hopefully stuff that is paint-free!).
Your best bet is to buy made in the USA toys but even safer toys are unpainted blocks, Legos and books. A good, safe place to look for toys is www.mindware.com.
pass this on!
|
