So you just continue to give money to grown folks
Posted By: Hungry folks on 2007-11-07
In Reply to: That's right!! When children are hungry (sm) - Lisa
because they are too lazy to work? You could do 1 of 2 things- take the children or call the family and children services if they are not being cared for. I would never continue to support people who did not want to help their self.
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You are talking about grown-a.. folks
By goodness, you do not even see where you are going wrong, do you? What happens if you die suddenly? Do you think they would starve, I doubt it. They would get off their lazy behinds and make do. Why don’t you just let them move in on you and make it 1 big happy home? I do not just dole out money without a person trying to help themselves. You are making them both invalids but wait, you still have the grandkids to go. Lucky you. Don’t gripe when you are to blame for their not working and trying to live on their own. Look in the mirror.
Do we continue to give a gift? Help!
In DH's family you give to the godchild and godparent at Christmas. My DH's godchild is in her 20s, loves the labels, and does not respond to questions of what she would like for Christmas. The past three years we have not received a thank you for any gift. We were not able to attend the family celebration for the past two years but there this year. Did not receive a thank you after opening the gift or as she was leaving the house. Spoke to MIL later and said I was done with buying her any gifts as nothing is appreciated or even given the courtesy of a thank you. MIL insisted we still buy a gift, even a small gift under $10. I don't agree. Am I being harsh? I don't just buy anything - I take the time to shop and consider who I'm buying a gift for. Any advice?
I think it's more IN-appropriate for a grown man to take/ask a woman for money. I know his type..
This is not anything new to him. This is how he survives. Chances are that he does have another "cash cow" so to speak in the wings. I've been there. I was stupid the first time just over 6 months of constantly bailing him out "so we could be together." Second time, I basically "paid" someone to be their friend for 3 years. I did everything in the world for him, mostly financial. I thought every time I helped him he would see what a great person I was and fall magically in love with me. Needless to say, he'd spent his life surviving by manipulating women and had no interest in me other than to support him. After I lost those 3 years, I regained my self-esteem and self-confidence that I deserved more. As far as I am concerned, no matter what the situation is, any man who takes money from a woman is worthless. That should be his last option. How about working more, getting a loan, anything but coming to you for money. I'm sorry to sound as if I am passing judgment but if I can save someone heartbreak I will try. My friend also spent a lifetime of supporting one deadbeat after another. Sometimes I think she subconsciously asked for it. She wanted to be needed. Yes, they were needy alright and needed her money but what she really wanted was just to be wanted. She had the two mixed up. The last guy that she dated for a year, through snooping in his computer unfortunately, found out he was on every personal ad site outthere including porn websites etc and had been meeting women AND men on the side while she handed out the cash believing he would marry her. Crushed was not the word for it. Sorry so long.. and as a side note...after 8 years of singlehood, I found my Prince Charming who spoils me rotten. I have never given him a dime and he has given me the world. They are out there.
Some of the same folks Obama wants to give
@
Do you think a) they will give me my money or
b) I will have to take furniture out of their store? I bought some furniture, has been over a year ago and never got it, got the runaround, they never returned my money with my asking for the return after several months of no show. I filed a lawsuit, they would not answer, did not show up in court when told to and bottom line now the courts found they do owe me and if they don’t pay me by the 15th of this month (over $700.00) then I get to go with an officer of the court, take a big truck and load up more than what I think is enough to cover what they owe me in the first place. Do you think this is absolutely crazy for a big store to ignore they owe me and do they not care about how it will look if there is a police at their door as we cart off furniture? I would, of course, go on what I would hope to be an extremely busy day for them, say a Saturday. Needless to say when all this is over I will be calling the Better Business Bureau and word of mouth also so that no one else will be caught in their business dealings.
I would not give her the money
I don't give out money anymore because I am still making the payments on what I have co-signed.
It doesn't sound like she has anywhere else to turn to, I would talk to her more about why that is.
I used to give money to people like you
standing on the corner, but feel a lot better helping out the fur-covered animals. You are such a loser!
Oh, so we must be old if we rather give a gift than money? SM
I happen to agree with Annie! It's not my problem if the bride and groom over spent for their wedding. I didn't ask them to spend a dime. I didn't ask them to invite me. So why should I feel compelled to give a huge monetary gift to help them with the cost? Besides this particular bride and groom are not shy about bragging about how "blessed" they are. I happen to think it's tacky that they would have such a huge, traditional affair for their SECOND marriage! They've invited 200+ guests. I had no idea there would be a bridal shower until I got an invitation to that in the mail the other day! They are merging to complete households -- what could they possibly need? Each owns their own home with all the furnishings.
I'm not very happy with this whole wedding affair anyway. My daughter is the flower girl, my son is an usher, and I'm in charge of the guest book (whatever that means!). I've had to buy myself a dress and my son a new suit. The bride is furnishing my daughter's dress, but I've had to buy the shoes and have been instructed that she needs to have her done up at the beauty shop the day of the wedding at my cost!
And now I have to think about a bridal shower! Ugh! If I ever get married again, I am going to spare my family friends this circus and get married in my backyard! It'll be a kegger with all the BBQ you can eat. Just come as you are and bring a covered dish! 
All guys do not want to give that much money away
My husband if buying something and it should turn out sour, say milk or the like, would go way across town in order to get a refund. My husband's money does not make him and he does not have to flash in order to feel his importance. Would you consider your husband a "hero" if he paid a female employee $500.00? Think about that statement.
How much money would you give towards this field trip....sm
16-year-old comes in from school today and says the drama teacher has invited the 3rd and 4th year drama classes to go to New York in March for a week to see shows and tour the city. Supposedly the cost would be around $700, including airfare from Atlanta, lodging, meals, tickets to shows, etc. I asked what fundraisers were going to be held and she had no idea if any would be. Personally I don't see how they can do the trip to include meals, travel, hotels, shows, etc. for just $700 a person and am presuming that's going to be around the amount that would be proposed to the students to pay after fundraisers are done.
My daughter asked how much I'd contribute to the cause.
She doesn't work and doesn't drive (scared to learn so we don't push it - don't want her to drive if she doesn't want to).
She is a good student.
I told her first off that she would also need to get a job because we're not going to pay all of this ourselves and take away the money from the family vacation for next year (we do a family budget of $1000 for vacations and that's for 4 of us).
We're not rich but do put "x" amount of money into the savings account each month as we want to move to a different area in a couple of years.
So.... how much do you think we should require her to raise herself and how much should we pay? I was thinking that maybe to contribute $200 would be plenty generous and let her get a part-time job after school/weekends to raise the rest + spending money. Do you think I'm being a cheapskate for that or do you think it's a fair amount?
Say nothing if you want it to continue - sm
I said nothing to my MIL, nor did my husband, no matter how ugly her comments were, what lies she told, you name it. He is very nonconfrontational and said we should keep the peace, but it finally reached a boiling point last spring and I unloaded on her. All she could say was that she was sorry, that she had her own issues, blah, blah, blah. I now find myself very resentful towards my husband for not shutting her up on day 1. Long story short, that was nearly 30 years ago now and I SOOO wish these things had been said earlier. She knows where I am coming from now and she knows we will not be her dumping ground any longer. Dr. Phil says we teach people how to treat us...Best of luck to you. 
Then why continue working for MQ? nm
x
She'll continue riding the bus unless she gets....sm
a job that starts as soon as school is out.
I started driving to school the day I got my driver's license, but that was because I was working 20 hours a week learning transcription in a doctors office, working from 3:30-7:30 p.m. With that, being in band and drama my parents were literally counting down the days until I could drive so they wouldn't have to tote me around. My brother and sister weren't involved in extra activities and their after school jobs rarely were scheduled at times for them to drive to school, so they had to ride the bus.
There's no way I'd give a child a brand new car for their driver's license/birthday gift. Here in the Atlanta area there have been a lot of wrecks with teens whose daddy gave them a brand new Mercedes or BMW for their 16th birthday and to "thank" their dad they wrecked it and either killed or nearly killed another person. Even if we were rich we wouldn't just buy a car for a child. Our oldest gets a car only because it was her moms, but even then she won't have 100% free reign over it. She also doesn't have a cell phone and will not be allowed to get one unless she gets a job to pay for it.
Why do some of my posts continue to be deleted and yet
other people who write things such as this lady are allowed to stay on the board?
Things like this happen and will continue
There is a lot of flapping going on when this happens but the copycats are not just there, here in my state as well as I am sure in every other. Gun law is not changing. People have gone completely bonkers when it has to be politically correct, just makes me nausated. Kids cannot be kids anymore because games we played not good for them now, jungle gyms should not be played on- they might get hurt- and this is just 1 example of a looney being left alone because even the college apparently could not let his parents know and they probably knew anyway. Closing the campus down- well he was a student, right and so he would have access to there is that not true? There is no way to protect people when you have someone so bent on destruction. We would have to be a total police state. It just gets worse by the day.
Should your husband continue to associate
with him says something about his character, IMHO.
My DH is a great guy, lots of good friends that he has worked with for over 25 years. A few years back one of his friends, a fishing guide on the side, took all the guys out for a 2-day trip, everything paid for. After a day of fishing, the guys decided to go to a strip club before turning in; my guy doesn't go for things like that and told his buddies so. After taking much ribbing from them, he stayed at the hotel and they all went out. The next time a free fishing trip was offered my hubby said thanks but no thanks, he didn't want to be in a similar position again, he doesn't think strip clubs are a place a married guy should be going to. After being good naturedly heckled by his friends and being called morally upright, they went without him. He still has those friends to this day, however, has boundaries with them. Golfing for the day or fishing for the day fine, but they know that if they are going to the strip club don't bother inviting my guy.
Your DH can still be friendly with him but should set some boundaries.
How much money rasied for Katrina, how much money for the diasters due to the tidal waves and what?
Every single one of them have had some smoke around it with the money not getting to where it was supposed to go. I did not contribute, I hardly watched, was not caught up again as I have seen things like this before. They should give a all you can give benefit for Darfur where people are being massacared each and every day. Genocide going on there each and every day. I have not seen any benefits to help them out yet.
Well that is kind of rude to let a baby continue to cry
x
Right, and I haven't said we are licensed to continue living in it (sm)
But guess what? I need to lose some weight! Do you think if people on the street start pointing at me and telling me to get myself under control that I am going to do it? No! If God wants me to change something, he will convict me in my own heart and let me know it. I don't need YOU to tell me, nor does anyone else. Can you not see that?
By the 4th day, I would be too sore to continue the rest of the week...
LOL
A lot of people are so desperate for work that some will give you free bids and give you ideas while
nm
If you and other parents don’t understand, then their or yout children will continue
to wreck havoc. It should never have been something the mother bought and allowed this girl to take to school. School policy and yes it is as much black and white as you can get. Sure it is written down and this is CONSIDERED a weapon, pepper spray- anyone with an ounce of sense knows this.
that is too cute!!!! but as long as people will fix VR mistakes, it will continue on the roll it is
;
Yeah really they will punish this woman but continue to allow the illegal scalping.
I can't even believe anyone actually goes to concerts anymore. I stopped when the scalpers started to buy them all up within seconds of going on sale and then posted them on ebay for up to 10 x the value. I won't buy into that crap. Wish nobody else would either, maybe would put a stop to it. :)
But her money is her money to spend as she pleases -
I don't understand how you can think it is wrong for her to spend whatever she wants to on whatever she buys. It is their personal money they spend. It is not like they are saying give me those shoes and add it to the taxpayer's bill.
And in all actuality, they are saying spend, spend, spend to get the economy going.
I am sorry, I am jealous that some people still have plenty of money to spend and I don't, but I don't expect those people to quit spending just because I had to.
This man's ego has grown so much it is
getting ready to bust and then he will realize his show has had its run and it is time to go away. I do think that for Ivanka to be so young she carried herself very well and had very intelligent things to say.
Grown and
several years ago.
if they are so grown then maybe they could
get out on their own?? Just a thought. It is the mothers home, not theirs and she pays to be the boss and therefore is. If kids so grown, let them have at it.
He's a grown-up man and obviously sm
sees a lot in you. I can understand your apprehension (BTDT), but you could possibly miss out on the best friend you could ever have. Enjoy his company, and enjoy a good life. Life is too short!
all grown up
If you work you can find a nice apartment even if your credit is poor. Everyone's credit is poor. Find yourself somewhere great to live and then tell him he is welcome to come if he wants. Then, go live your life!! It's hard to do, but, NO, not all men are selfish.
when they are grown and won't sm
follow the rules of the house then you have to make them get out on there own. I have two sons. We had to make both of them leave. The only rules we had were if you are not coming home, let us know. I always told them to give me a "ballpark" time when they would be home and if they were not going to come home then, just call me. I didn't really ask where they were at, kind of silly for 20 year old boys and they can tell you anything. But, for their own safety I told them always let someone know when you are NOT coming home. They didn't want to go by those rules and threw fits and we had to put them both out (not at the same time of course, they are different ages). The youngest is now a firefighter (32 years old), married, has his own business on the side. The oldest has his own business, lives out of state. They both did very well.
I see too many 40 year old kids living at home sponging off mom and dad and will never get anywhere doing that. It is a pattern they just keep doing over and over again.
Now if they are in school and doing well, working or not working depending on the school situation, I would not put them out UNLESS they didn't follow my rule and then I would not care if school was involved or not. I think this is why we have so many kids who will not grow up because we enable them to be this way. Just my opinion though. I didn't say it was easy, but it is necessary.
Don't know why folks would even ask
such a thing! If they do, tell them you don't need a gift just for them to come, eat, enjoy the company and check out your new digs. Never heard of such a thing and would not appreciate it if I were a guest. I always take a perishable gift anyway...wine, plant, food. It is not that big of a deal!
I went and took a lot of folks
Ok, there were 3 adults and 4 kids and I paid for everything down to everyones clothing. I got the jumper pack, I believe is what they called it. Got there Saturday, started Sunday at Universal all day and then Monday through the following Friday we went every day to at least 2 parks and 1 day went to a water park. It cost an arm and a leg but the kids were two 8 year olds, two 11 year olds and then the adults who were kids also. What a blast. The entire trip from next state up to there with rental van and everything probably cost over 10,000 for the time. What wonderful memories though.
thanks folks!
will have to check this other one (Kimkins) out too.
i so hope i can get myself reined in before i come up with diabetes or something...
My son is NOT being childish. He is more grown up
And, since you mentioned it, both of my brothers are felons. One is already in the pen and the brother that my son does not want at the wedding will soon be going to the pen for what else - 3 counts second degree sexual assault. So, do you still think our son is childish?????? Not sure how you got the childish portion out of the original post to begin with!!!
As you said, you are grown as is he. Let it be. Is he questioning her sm
or her motives? It is not your place at all to say anything to your father about his impending wedding, honeymoon, etc. Now, if she was taking his money, squandering, etc., and not marrying him then that's another story. She obviously loves him and he loves her, so wish them well, be sweet and happy for him and move on with your own life.
I can sense your bitterness and you need to cut that out of your life. It's counter productive to be bitter and resentful. And, the Bible says it clearly: Bitterness rots your bones.
MAKING??? Isn't he a grown man? (nm)
x
Grown Children
True, not all families are the Cleavers. However, your tone comes accross very unloving towards your children. I find that sad. My oldest son (29) died in an accident. Open up and let your children get to know you before it is too late. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is simply too short.
Lilly
I have always grown veggies - sm
And this year it looks like doing so will really pay off! I mean, for a few dollars I can get enough plants to cover my 100 sq feet of raised beds and really make a dent in the cost of produce, which we eat a lot of. Happy gardening!
She is a grown woman and all you
can do is invite her and leave it at that.
my dear grown up former
Dear Son,
Remember when I carried you on my hip everywhere we went until you weighed 50 pounds? I still have a lopsided left arm and body. People would say to me, "when are you going to let him walk?" and I would say, "If I put him down, he will run off!"
Remember when I could not carry you anymore and you would take off in Sam's Club running and laughing just to see the look of horror on my face running after you, abandoning my cart?"
Remember how I had to buy an extra large pet harness at Pet Smart in bright purple and I put you in that leash whenever we were out in public?
Look at you now! All grown up and handsome and not one little trace of a leash! I love you, I would have taken 12 more just like you, I miss playing with you, and I am lucky to be your mom. You taught me all I ever wanted to know about glass replacement, first aid, and laughing until I peed my pants.
Love, Mom
Tell him different strokes for different folks.nm
x
Old folks get bored. sm
My 86-yo dad is the same way. Sticking his nose into my business. He also constantly rags on me about my son not mowing the grass, etc. I have explained to him that I LIKE to mow the grass and to please drop it and he just keeps on and on. One day he walked in my office and shook his finger at me and said, "You just wait, you just wait, y'all are drinking way too much pop." This because I buy it when it's on sale and it lasts a very long, long time. And, by the way, neither my son nor I are overweight. Older people just can't (anyways he can't) realize I am 53 years old and have lived on my own without his valuable input for a long time. He just doesn't have anything else to do.
The thing that really bugs me is when he comes over and just plops down in here when I am working and I tell him he can't be in here when I'm working and he gives me all kinds of excuses ("I can't see read what you're typing") and I have to just keep the screen minimized until he goes. He just doesn't get it. The other day I told him to go over and check on my cousin's new fence, and that got his train of thought going in a different direction and off he went. He called me one day and told me not to commit to the big diocesan pledge thing that's going on, that I am to tell them I am a single parent just barely scraping by, etc., etc., and I wanted to tell him I am not quite that destitute yet, but I just agreed.
Oh, and I have an extremely screwed-up sister, too, who Dad thinks can do no wrong and her son is the greatest, etc., etc. Oh, the stories I could tell about her! Well, it was me who gave him a place to live after Katrina and it was me who gave him my couch for his new house because he didn't have one (another delusional idea, he thinks he is broke), not her, so I just keep quiet and keep civil and remind myself he's old. When it gets to be too much I tell his sisters, who tell him to back off then he does for a while. All part of life.
Denver folks out there?
I have posted before and do not want to get into WWIII but supposed to go on vacation next week to Salt Lake City, Wyoming and the like, leaving from Denver and wanted to know if anyone can suggest sights, restaurants for my last day of vacation before returning home.
Thanks for the feedback folks....sm
The 15-year-old now doesn't like ya'll but they'll get over it! I only posted it because they thought it wasn't fair to not give them the same amount of money. "Too bad" is what I said - we live on a budget and buy what is necessary not just what is wanted around here because we're paying off some bills.
Oh ya, folks definitely know I'm 'from away'
as soon as I open my pie hole. Some people don't mind that we're 'from away' (their endearing term for us outta stata's), but some folks get down right nasty about it. I suppose it's like anywhere though....I guess folks in Florida don't like the people from New England either because I once saw a bumpah stikah that said, "Keep the south beautiful, put a yankee on a bus" or something like that. It was a long time ago and my memory isn't what it used to be.
Why don’t folks use their brains
Ladies going to psychiatrist. He is on the wanted list now- had them to undress, pulling their blouses, shirts up and you would think some one would have enough sense to say WHAT? This does not come under psychiatry. No, these women get on television and tell about how they pulled them up. I would be ashamed to let people know I was that stoopid.
my folks go every year x55 yr?
to the same place. Pacific Grove/Carmel "by the sea"...It is breathtaking beauty, quaint village, great food, free beaches. Nearby trails in the woods...Clint Eastwood country :) I don't think the beaches could possibly be more beautiful anywhere else.
No, my children are both grown and I am not particularly fond
of home schooling. I think it deprives the children of much-needed social interaction and learning to get along in the real world. 
Just wait until those roots have grown out
nm
does anyone besides me have a bad relationship with a grown daughter or son?
with one of your grown-up kids, or is it only me? My oldest daughter and I do not get along, never did. I love her, but am not sure if I like her. She is very selfish and self centered and it's all about her. Everyone else see's it but her. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but last night she sent me a letter saying basically she's done with me.....not sure at all where this is coming from. I really, really don't need this right now. So, is anyone else in any kind of a similar situation with an adult child? She's 38.
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