So tired of parent teaching kids it is always other
Posted By: person's fault. nm on 2008-02-06
In Reply to: School counselor defensive? - momMT
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teaching kids to take responsibility for their actions
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And you are the type of parent who kids
That's right, that's you.
So the 'right way' to parent is to teach your kids to hate.
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that is "why didn't dad take both kids"....tired already - nm
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Since when is teaching the
Since hubby is lacking in consideration, empathy and manners towards his wife, he needs to be taught via "do as you wish to be done by". It is too easy for him to discount her feelings until HE feels the same way, then he'll be able to relate and maybe some house rules can be set as to property. Without any understanding of how shocked and hurt his wife feels, he'll just continue to play the nice guy to outsiders with her stuff and discount how it might hurt her. And that is also damaging to the marriage, right?
I'm teaching myself how to
It's so hard to follow a pattern! Some of the things it says I'm not sure what it means. Is there a good website that could explain some of this stuff that you know of? Thanks 
I do and I'm teaching them the morals
Show you the money!
Absolutely. Is teacher teaching sex ed also? nm
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I just KNOW ur all gonna say that teaching doesn't (sm)
pay well, either. It doesn't not in most cases. But with her skills, degree & experience, she quickly got into an unusual teaching circumstance where the pay was triple what most educators make, and later she went on to train and eventually supervise other teachers.
I am teaching an adult class sm
but will use this same lesson when we start back with our weekly youth meetings in the fall. I got the idea for this lesson from Fannie Flagg's book Can't Wait to Get to Heaven. The book is obviously fiction but has a "quirky" (most all the characters in the book are quirky-think Mayberry) person's take on heaven when she dies for just a short time and visits heaven. The book is a wonderfully funny read (just a few swear words but it is very clean). I have read all of her books and thoroughly enjoyed them all. Thank you for responding.
Agree most don't abstain and teaching that only - sm
as a lot of schools do is very narrow-minded and totally unrealistic. I remember in 7th grade health class our teacher teaching us about different forms of birth control. They had it all laid out (no pun intended) on a board with an example of each method so we could actually see a condom, diaphragm, pill, iud, etc. No idea what they do there now, this was back in 77/78--I hope they are not burying their head in the sand and saying, "don't do it", and leaving it at that. Kids need to know that if they "do it" how to prevent becoming fathers/mothers at age 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, etc. Lots of peer pressure and some just have sex because their friends were. My friends were at 14 and generally had unprotected sex, one got pregnant at 15 but miscarried; I waited until I was almost 18 and after I graduated (the boys had big mouths and I did not want a reputation as a sleaze, which is what would have happened where I went to school). When mine start having sex I will put them on BCPs and hope they use condoms too (I will also tell them about my 2 best friends with herpes); and I hope they wait until they are at least 17 and ready for it and the responsibility of being sexually active. Guess I will find out in a few years. --as for the beginning of time, yes, the past is riddled with sex, just look at all the famous paintings, and stories of lovers, etc in England and France in royalty, etc. Goes back quite a ways
No, it is an inferance and any teaching of religion -sm
should be done by the parents. I had my kids in private school up until 2 years ago, took them out for several reasons, one being that many of the teachers were teaching about God and making them pray before every meal (snack and lunch). I was paying $12K a year for my kids not to be in a church school, as this was not a religious school (or at least not supposed to be). I could have sent them to many, many cheaper schools in the area but they were all church affiliated. Some of us don't want our kids to be taught by others. I explain all the different religions to my kids, but don't want some outsider to teach their beliefs to my child. It is not their business to teach religion, if they want to do that then become a minister and run a church.
The homophobics and racists are ALREADY teaching
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Anyone have tips on teaching ESL child to read? (sm)
I have been volunteering at my children's school once a week helping some of the children in my daughter's 2nd grade class practice reading. The children having the greatest problems are the English Second Language children and I have been working more with them, but one child in particular needs help and the teacher and I have decided that I should dedicate more time to him. In his home, his parents speak Spanish (he tells me) and he has two younger siblings. He is a very sweet, very popular child at school. The problem is he doesn't even recognize all the letters in the alphabet yet, even though he has been through kindergarten and first grade (how has he passed?). Trying to teach him the sounds that correspond to the alphabet has also been difficult, because he does not know the names of common objects/animals used to teach children alphabet sounds. For example, we have been making an alphabet book, cutting pictures out of magazines and gluing them to the page with the corresponding letter at the top of the page. He calls all large animals "elephant" and cannot remember from one week to the next that the "D" animal on his page is a "dinosaur" and not an elephant. He confuses letters like "e" with "n" when he is writing the name of the animal (with me dictating the spelling to him). I want to help this child so badly, but I dont' know where to begin.
Need tips on teaching husband to be frugal..sm
Here is the situation...for quite some time I have been trying to be more frugal and really watch my spending and our money. It seems my husband is doing the total opposite. I asked him while at the store to get some fabric softener for the laundry. He gets an $8.00 bottle and I know this store has Downy for $4.99. To some people $3.00 may not seem like much, but over time it does add up. We do not have the extra money that we used to and he thinks nothing of spending constantly. I have said things to him and he does better for a little while, but then it gets out of control. I had to convince him that he had to get a part-time job because we were sinking fast as he changed jobs and took and major pay cut.
He even asked me today after stating he wanted to go get something from the store why are we broke? I said we are not totally broke, but we do not have the extra money to splurge either. I go days without spending money. Yes I work at home, but I do have to spend money on gas now because our oldest daughter started school this year. Her lunch is $1.75 a day, but most days she wants to take her lunch box. I am getting so frustrated with him. I work two jobs myself as well as take care of the home and our kids (2). I go to the grocery store and buy plenty of food (breakfast and lunch for him to take to work) and try to make sure that we are not going to the store just because, you end up spending way more money that way. On the days he has to go to his part-time job he comes home before going to the part-time job. I do not even see the real reason for coming home before going to the part-time job. He is only home for 15-30 minutes before going to the part-time job. The reason I think it is crazy for him to come home before going to his part-time job is the fact that it is 13 miles out of the way. He is too old to break and too lazy to make the effort to change. He is more about convenience.
Some times I think if we were to split he really would not survive. I handle all the money and frankly after 14 years I have come to the conclusion he has no money sense. He says I nickle and dime him to death, but money in his pocket is money definitely spent. He has to spend it or die and then looks pitiful when he is broke. But guess what, I'm to the point where I do not even care when he does not have money because he should be more sensible. Just as long as he has money for gas to go to work, forget carrying around money. I feel like sometimes I am having to lie about money simply because if he knows it is there he finds a reason to spend it. I told him he will never have anything because he just cannot learn to do without.
I guess I am finished fuming for now.
BTW, there really is more to it than an $8.00 bottle of fabric softener, but over time it just builds....look for a bargain at least sometimes.
The world you're teaching them to live and survive in
seems to be a very cold, harsh one. I wonder if you're as hard on yourself when you make a mistake and "forget" something.
But this is not a school-wide accepted teaching practice, it is individual (nm)
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Our public school wasn't teaching phonics so we've moved....sm
our daughter to a private school that does. Before moving her she was barely able to read because the public schools were teaching them to "read" by looking at pictures and if they knew what the picture was they would know what the word was. For the life of me I don't understand how that's supposed to teach a child to read and I told the school board that in life you don't always have pictures for everything! Our daughter's reading improved immensely once we moved her to private school and she can read anything - without pictures. :o)
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
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Do think being parent alone protects someone from
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any parent who ever let their kid idolize her should be.....
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were you a single parent
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Please tell me I am not the only parent to feel this way
I am a mother of 3 children a boy 18, a girl 11, and a boy 5. In my home, driving is not a right of passage, it is a privilege. You must obey house rules, keep your grades up, and you have to purchase your own vehicle. You must also have a job to pay for insurance and gas, as we are not a bank or an ATM machine at your disposal. If you cannot follow the above, umm sorry 'bout your luck!
Am I the only parent out there with children that sees no point in cell phones for kids, especially for the younger ones. I swear most of the kids my daughter's age DO have one and she is 11. Am I one of the few who monitors what their children watch on TV? Am I the only parent that makes their children earn time for video games and then has a set time limit for it when they do get to play? Am I the only mother in the world who thinks its horrible to let your daughter run around in clothing with words across the behind?? Seriously who do you think is looking at this and why do you want to draw attention to your child's rear end? Ooohhh ya and all the parents who sign their kids up for little league things and dump and run. These practices and events are not free babysitting!!! I honestly know of a few mothers that take their daughters to gymnastics and leave them there and go down to the bar and grill and have a few drinks while they wait for their kids!
Okay, so I know it sounds like I am whining, but I have had enough! I am tired of being told by other parents that I am a prude, I need to catch up to the times, and the one I hate most of all is "our kids need us to be their friends"! I have a responsibility to my children to RAISE them.
My children and I all have good relationships. We talk about everything under the sun. They come to me with most of their troubles or questions and know they have nothing to fear, I will hear anything and answer them openly and honestly.
That can be done without letting the "tail wag the dog" so to speak. Are ppl to busy or so self-absorbed anymore to take the time to raise their children?
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
I see nothing wrong with asking your parent
This was my father and I was his next of kin. You try to make it sound dramatic as if he were dying. He was in excellent health with no medical issues at all. He had no other family members except for grandchildren, nieces and nephews. No wife, no siblings. I asked if I outlived him could I have the property. He lived out of state. When I asked him he did a quick deed, I paid for all insurance on the property as well as property taxes for about 4 years prior to his getting killed in an accidental death. I only wish I had asked my mother prior to her death (being as I was her only living child) if I could have had her personal belongings. I did not get those and should have. I learned when she died not to hold back if you want something. Now really, how would you feel if you were an only child and was bypassed with things that rightfully should be yours in the first place. Even in a court of law, a child comes first before others in who gets what when it comes to things like this. Don’t get on your soap box.
No one except a parent can understand, eh??!! sm
Ridiculous, with just a hint of "gotta-belong-to-my-club" elitism tossed in. Any sentient and compassionate human being can understand the issues, perhaps even better than someone whose judgment is emotionally clouded, and including the travesty that false hope and half-truths cause every day in the medical industry. (Hint: Go stand at the Mexican border where you can collect the sad stories.)
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that ESC research should not go forward. I was merely giving the rest of the facts about the dismal history and science of ESC research so far that Obama so conveniently omitted, and saying that we need to do this with protections for embryos in place.
I was just giving you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey used to say. I'm sorry if it's an "inconvenient truth", and despite my reservations, I do wish the very best for your child just as I do for the unborn embryos now at increased risk.
You don’t seem to be a strong parent
With teenage drinking, driving and the like, why even take the chance of having a diaster in the making waiting around the corner. I just do not see my ever wimping out to my child's father or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don’t want to look like the bad guy but here I think you really do.
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
Glad you recognize it's the PARENT here
and not this CHILD who is probably miserable being the way he is!
You MAY have tried everything possible not to ostracize him (without jeopardizing your kids' safety) but consider if there is a way to HELP him - he is probably desparate for the RIGHT kind of attention.
Think about it. and consider what type of ADULT he might turn out to be if no NORMAL adults try to help him.
Just the weight issue alone is a sign this family is in trouble.
GOOD luck.
Isn't that sad? And touch & parent's voices are
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In his case 1 parent dishonored himself
The guy's mother was fine with his name change. The father had 11 children and get this, had a whole separate family on outside. His little scheme came to an end when the mother found out and divorce ended that. So a name change "dishonors" a "dishonest" father. Your post does not fly in this situation. Sometimes parents cannot be honored- I know my own father molested my granddaughter- should I still honor him because of his being my father?? Think not.
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
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Parent apathy is what allows school to think noone
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You sound like an excellent parent
I do not have any children, but having grown up with parents who sound just like you I am grateful for what they did for me. I didn't have what every other kid had and I had to earn what I did get. We were involved in girl scouts and my mom was the leader of our troop. She was involved in everything we did and she did not believe in using activities as a babysitter. For babysitting she hired a girl down the road. So I am grateful to have the parents I had (mom's gone but dad is still alive). They instilled values in me and if I ever had kids I would raise them the same exact way my parents raised me. So good for you and I know when your kids are grown with kids of their own they'll remember what you did for them and will be thankful to you. I wish more parents were like you (my sister could take some lessons for sure - but that's a whole nother post).
The way I see it (and lived it) the biological parent
needs to step up to the plate and handle things. I'm sure of the woman who started this post had a husband that backed her up, she wouldn't be nearly as upset. I'VE LIVED/AM LIVING THROUGH THIS and my stepchild live with us 100% of the time (husband had custody). Sweet and first but things turned sour quickly. And guess what? My husband did very little in terms of taking care of his son, forcing him to be accountable for his behavior, etc. In turn, I ended up being the heavy and HATED for it (still am, and he's an adult now).
I was very young when I married my husband and didn't know what I was in for, just as the OP. You think, how can this sweet child be anything but good? You honestly have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Especially when other people will tell you that they CAN make step-families work. I think they work when/if the biological parent is firm with the child and sets the boundaries for that child, and the stepparent doesn't have to.
It's so difficult. I really feel for the orig poster.
Any parent who choses to has the option of
But out here, I doubt there are many parents who are that fearful. There are bigger things to worry about (fires, economy, earthquakes, 401K, jobs) than whether or not our kids are 'emotionally scarred for life' by witnessing a same-sex marriage! :D
If a child is a minor, it is the parent's
responsibility to get them to school and make sure they stay there. One mother here in my town had to go and sit with her daughter at school everyday for a while just to be sure she was there.
With you it's ok, you are a parent, a friend, whatever, but a teacher?...nm
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This person said below she does not want to be a strong parent
I for one would have never written such a post. Not only are you wimping out as a parent but you are also underwriting a child breaking the law. Shame on you big time! You are supposed to be a parent but seems like you want to go back to being a child?
I was a teacher's and parent's dream
I was the sort of kid who'd ruin the curve for everyone else. I studied all the time, had straight A's, was the Editor of the school paper and the yearbook, worked in the school office, and graduated at the top of my class. About the most outlandish thing I did was get a part-time job at Burger King. eek!
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