So I will apologize to both posters
Posted By: tinkerbell on 2007-11-07
In Reply to: I am "juvenile post" poster. "Looney" poster is some - one different. You cant always tell who is who. n
the one who called me looney and the other who called me juvenile. Sorry if I offended you both...I find this board to be both a comfort and a place I can vent and hopefully help those who ask for advice or help with terminology. I don't want to come off as rude...I was just feeling a little hurt, as I would never call someone here a negative name, as I feel we are commrades...Hope that makes sense....I will shut up now and let this go...Just feeling sad that my good intentions turned sour. No hard feelings? None here.
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I truly apologize, too.
Good Lord, I am actually crying now. This is going too far. I am so very sorry for sounding mean to you. I regreted saying that don't you accuse me thing after I submitted the post. You are a good person to come back with you note. Let's be friends. Life is too short. Thanks again, and I am so sorry if I hurt or offended you or anyone by that.
Hey, no need to apologize to me!
It's totally cool if you don't agree with something I said! You asked for other's opinions and that was mine--that maybe he just is concerned for your health. However, if it's a control issue, that whole alpha male "I'm the one with a penis and it's your job to produce my children and be my trophy wife" BS, then I'd be looking for an out too. That's mental abuse. Marriage is about being a team and being supportive when the other is down and out. If you've tried the counseling thing and you know he's being insincere, what is going on is totally unhealthy and life it too darned short for that, I agree.
Yes, I think she needs to apologize
for giving the answer she did above talking about a wonderful mother when in actuality the person is an enabler of people getting over on her.
don't apologize
I DON'T think you were wrong to send the e-mail (don't be surprised to discover that it all went over their heads, though). You did what any normal person would do & probably waited a good long time to do it. Even if someone convinces you that you were wrong to send it, that "wrong-ness" is NOTHING in comparison to your huz' family's behavior, & if you start apologizing for the e-mail you will totally dilute the effect & allow them to pounce all over your letter & play up their resulting hurt feelings without taking responsibility for how they have treated your husband. I say Let it stand & be glad you stood up for Huz. Don't let guilt get in the way. They are the ones who should be apologizing to YOU.
Don't apologize
Never apologize for your feelings. They are YOUR feelings and they are valid. Your FIL and his wife will find a way to gloss this over and of course their friends will believe them. I think you rock for doing what you did. That took cojones - even if they were angry cojones.
Unfortunately, I have found that there are a lot of people like this who claim to be Christians. They give the rest of us a bad name, IMO. I worked at a church for a number of years and it left a very bad taste in my mouth for most organized religion.
As to your husband's situation, there are no words to express what you're going through. Maybe your husband needs to know - when he's a little stronger - that Dad knows and did nothing. Maybe that would help him with the final break from his family that he needs and set him on the path to building his own life. You need to tell his therapist and let his therapist guide you in making that determination.
I personally would be inclined to terminate all contact with his father. Sounds like your kids won't necessarily miss him and your husband may be healthier for it in the long run.
Good luck. If you yourself are not already seeing a counselor, I would recommend it highly. Your husband is going to be in long-term treatment as an outpatient and it would certainly help you as well.
Don't ever apologize for something you enjoy!
It's a huge part of your life and there's nothing wrong with that! We have the most wonderful neighbors who are crazy Catholic...I mean they wear rosaries bracelets, have multiple Catholic-esque bumper stickers, and they carry bibles the way most people carry a PDA. However, they are the most genuine, sweet, and fun people I have met on my little street here. I love having them over just to shoot the chit, share a bottle of wine, and love hearing them talk about their religion, which is a HUGE part of their lives. They are happy, friendly, and they love life and that's what counts. They know I am what I am (atheist) and while I know they say they pray for me, they don't make me feel at all uncomfortable and I think they honestly enjoy my warped view of the world. Gives them some perspective of what else is walkin' around out there ;-)
Nice people are nice people, no matter what their (or lack thereof) religious convictions may be. 
of course they will, but she said her grandmother did apologize.
I just hope for some forgiveness, as well.
I apologize to both for the miscommunication. sm
One of the things you always must allow in this electronic medium for is that I might miscommunicate my meaning...or that you will misconstrue it.
And I truly apologize for that post.
Completely out of character for me. I don't talk good my ownself, truth be told. Since I'm way too old for PMS, I have no idea why I felt so cranky and aggravated, so please accept my amends. I've seen worse, but that's no excuse for insulting another person, even if it was meant to be a joke. I truly believed it was a put-on, just to pull legs. :(
And I truly apologize for that post.
Completely out of character for me. I don't talk good my ownself, truth be told. Since I'm way too old for PMS, I have no idea why I felt so cranky and aggravated, so please accept my amends. I've seen worse, but that's no excuse for insulting another person, even if it was meant to be a joke. I truly believed it was a put-on, just to pull legs. :(
I apologize for coming off rude
That was not my intention.
You just said you are just starting out - wait until you both are more established before jumping into something so final. When you both are making more money, then $2700 a month might be doable with all of the other expenses that everyone has.
Seriously, sit down with a piece of paper and a calculator and add it all up including whatever you spend on gas, groceries, car payments, credit cards. Then think about how much your utilities will be at this new house. Unless you have a TON of money saved up or you are getting help from an outside source such as family, there is no way that you can pay $2700 a month just for your house payment with the income you have right now.
You have plenty of time to get into the "perfect" house but do not ruin your finances/credit to do it too early.
You could always move to Georgia - you could afford an awesome house for half of that price here!!!!! And gas and everything else is cheaper! :-) Good luck with everything - just be smart about it, please!!!! Use your head not your heart when making these kind of decisions.
I truly apologize for this Octomom question
I consider myself intelligent, really, and maybe I'm a dolt, but I have one really simple question: How do you get eight babies from six implanted embryos? twins? I'm confused. Is is just me?
yes, but I did apologize for being the spelling police.
I apologize. I was generalizing and I don't mean to insult Catholics as a whole.
It is my understanding there is a Vatican I and a Vatican II and that one is ultra-conservative and traditional and the other has sort of a more liberal (for lack of a better word) approach. So I am sure that not all Catholic churches and all priests are like this one priest.
Also I apologize for the homosexual/molestation remarks I made in my original post. That was uncalled for and was a terrible thing to say. Not all priests should be categorized that way. I was angry with this one priest and obviously didn't have a stronghold on my anger when I first posted.
Thanks for your responses and for not being offended. It would have been very easy to tear into me for my generalizations.
I have one more question. My son-in-law to be said something about if he and my daughter were to be married by a justice of the peace, they could still get married in the Catholic in the future should my daughter convert, but if they were to marry in any other church by any other man of God, there marriage would never be recognized in the Catholic church nor could they ever get married (again to each other) in the Catholic church. Is this true?
This is all just too legalistic for me.
Where to get posters, etc. sm
My granddaughter's birthday in June, hope to get some favors, etc. I hate to jump on the bandwagon as I don't like all this stuff of kids growing up too soon. I hate to see them get out of princess and Cinderella. Oh well, any ideas on how to get ahead of the game - only the 1 and 2 grades invited, I find it sad that they don't have good old fashioned values but guess I'm history. PS: They do go to church, etc., for those who are ready to attack with other ideations. Peer pressure, sick of it all. Nice girls, pure and simple but getting into the bogus world of peer pressure. Confused!!
LOL to both those posters. I wish I were
clever enough to think of something... but more gullible, I would be the recipient of such a trick. This is why I work at home. :)
A apologize. I need to emphasize. I quit watching moral filth about 3 years ago. sm
I still love the food network, PBS, and DWTS but not anymore. I refuse to see R rated movies. Filth in, filth out.
I'm not referring to the posters...sm
who disagree as being busybodies, but people who make a stink about this issue in general...Never said it was the disagreeing posters who are the busybodies...read carefully....
You know, I don't know, but I would tend to believe the other posters have hit
the nail on the head that it is a comfort zone and perhaps he cannot or will not be without a woman. He is not terribly outgoing, so I do suspect he has esteem issues of his own. In any case, I think I will follow the advice here and wait and see what life brings and not try to settle for less than.
Agree with other posters, plus...
She was punished in school. Unless something really, really bad (which thankfully never happened), I would let school behavior be dealt with at school and home behavior dealt with at home. However, I let my kids know that in no uncertain terms, the teacher had my blessing in dealing with them in the appropriate manner (pretty scary lol).
But I have to say, and please do not take offense, but she wanted a book... not a toy... for some reason that just breaks my heart. I guess because my daughter loves books and they are her world (now an English major with college professor aspirations).
Anyhow, no one is perfect, kids nor parents.
I was one of the posters in the dicsussion below
and I said that I asked my 14yr old DD how many girls she knew that were pregnant. She said 0. She just finished middle school and will start high school with my DS this fall. Picked him up from Washington DC yesterday and told him about the discussion. He will be a junior this fall. Asked him how many girls were preggers and he said if it is not a rumor, then 13. I was shocked. Guess I was being fooled by many. But once again, I do know some really good girls, my DD included.
I'd have to agree with the other posters.
He sounds very controlling. I was married to that and it took me 13 years to get away from the mental abuse and longer to "regroup." My situation was extreme. I grew up in a household in the days where "the man was the boss and you did what they said." So, when I married young, I viewed my husband as my "boss" or "master" and I was supposed to do as he said and NEVER talk back. I was allowed no friends, could not socialize or work outside of the home because other men may be at the place I might work. I was timed when I went to the grocery store and one time I took too long and he locked me it of the house..it was my son's birthday.. He also watched our house from his work with binoculars so he would know when and if I left the house and if any men came over. Well, after finally getting a job, getting out in the "real" world, I found out that people didn't live that way. The women I worked with actually had friends, could have lunch with them etc.. I remember them all inviting me out to lunch while at work, and I remember being terrified that he'd "catch" me out somewhere other than work and I would get in trouble. Once, I figured out this treatment was wrong, I decided to fight back, and the first time I talked back, he went nuts..threatening to cut off all my hair so no one would want me if I left him etc..This insanity continued until God came me the strength to leave. The first thing I did was enroll in college at age 27, having never even finished high school, but I was ready for college and I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to get out of there and support myself. He made my life so miserable while I went to school and most days I just wanted to quit and give up, but I didn't. I just kept going and thank goodness. Long story short. I started my life over at 30 and have never looked back. I was single for 8 years before I got married again. It took me that long to fix myself so that I would never again put up with that crap. So, NOW, I'm the boss and it's my way or I'll slap his beak off LOL. On a serious note, I don't mean to pass judgment but your husband sounds too controlling and it's time to stand up now or forever hold your peace. I remember being called a fat a#$#$@# when I weighed 120 lb. I was scared to eat and get fat because he berated me. Mind you, this man got to 325 lb but I was the fat a#$#$#@.. Yes, life is good now. I'm my own person and married to the man of my dreams and who worships the ground I walk on..the way it should be...LOL Best wishes to you. No one deserves to be treated less than equal.
I think you get the picture of the posters
xx
Yeah they do need posters over there
I've already got in trouble for posting that it was boring over there and got an e-mail that was rather defensive because I even said it and I did say it nicely.
There are no job ads; same ole Diskriter, Focus...
Same posters all the time... blah, blah 
I've tried several times to seem interested, but it's just the same ole boring stuff.. This board is much more exciting and informative.
I agree with the posters below.
You need to move closer to family and see a doctor. You can also find the local social services department and they will provide free medications for 6 months. you will have to see one of their doctors but and fill out some paperwork but that's the only catch.
Depression is higher around the holidays. The weather, finances, family, on top of every day stresses can be overwhelming. Being in this antisocial job doesn't help either. I have often thought of getting something a few days a week just to get out of the house. I think it would do anyone good.
Know that things could always be worse and they will get better. Your grandson is young, he doesn't understand but will some day. Even if he had 30 presents, he would still think "where's the rest" as this is a common occurrence in kids. I thought it was only my child but since have found many others are the same.
Keep your head up and do what you can. It's ok to cry and vent to others. Don't keep it all bottled up inside. You will be surprised to find who your true friends and family are when you open up and really need them.
I agree with the other posters.
Definitely go up atleast 1 size.
I am pregnant now. I haven't even had a shower yet and everyone is giving me newborn stuff. I guess it is what everyone likes to give but forget that they are not in them very long.
If anyone else gave her diapers for her shower or just to be nice when they come to see the baby, odds are they will give her newborns. I have also heard that some hospitals allow you to take home with you what newborn diapers are left in the room on discharge so she may have those too. I'm sure it is not a lot but it all adds up.
I agree with most of the other posters.
I have an 11yo stepson. At his biomom's house he stays home alone for about an hour by himself after school and rides the bus home. He has been doing it since 3rd grade and he is still scared out of his mind when he does. We have talked about safety and all the rest with him to make sure he can make the best decision possible when home alone because it is out of our control. We do not leave him alone during our parenting time. He is a great kid but this doesn't have as much to do with him as with other people. You can't trust anyone. When it comes down to it, a kid will be a kid and when people get scared they forget things. He does have 3 teachers from his school that live on the same street and the walk from the bus is not far but things can happen very quickly and you don't know who you can trust these days.
I agree with most of the posters below, but I would
also like to add that it sounds like he needs a job or some form of exercise and male companionship. If he's not currently working, I take it that financially it's not hurting you. Therefore, it doesn't matter if he takes a minimum wage job -- clerking at a hardware store, etc. This will give him some self-worth, get him out of your hair and hopefully give him an outlet to talk about some of these world topics.
If he doesn't want to take a job, he should consider joining a gym. Exercise releases endorphins which makes you feel happy. It would also help with his figure. Maybe you could get a couples rate and go together. My hubs and I just joined our local gym. So far, we haven't gotten to go together because of the kids, but we both go separately with a friend.
I know what you mean about living in a small town. We live in a very small town -- population about 7000, 1 grocery store, 1 hardware store, 2 convenience stores, 2 dollar stores and a couple pizza/sandwich shops. But if you really want something, you'll find it. Maybe he just needs a gentle push.
If all else fails, you could give a call to his doctor and let him know about how he's been acting. His doctor could then discuss things with him (without letting him know that you've talked to him) and maybe prescribe some medication or run some tests that could find a medical cause for his negativity.
Good luck -- and as I said, I agree with what the other posters have said about changing yourself. My dad was the same way after he retired, but then he got a part-time job delivering furniture locally and joined the gym. He's a lot better now and my mom's grateful that he "talks" with his coworkers about some of the stuff he was bugging her with.
To the 2 posters who gave me info on WW ...
The Points system is the best. I'm joined the online program and keep my points tracker open all day.
Thanks for giving the information you did.
I agree with you; don't understand all these other posters
It's not like he is 4 or 5; he is 10.
True. Look at posters to this board who take bad
x
If this is so boring - why bother? they need posters over there can't you tell
by this thread?
Well, he WAS a prophet. Shame on cruel posters.
xx
Yeah, and it's always the ever-so-resentful posters who can't STAND sm
the fact that we are work-at-home MOMs!
I am so sick and tired of reading all of these negatives posts from those supermom's or those who abhor children, who sit on their high-horse and can't believe that we work at home with our children here. My children are very well behaved, very intelligent, LOVE ME BEING HERE, and I work doing MT and have been for about 8 years now.
Never, and I mean never, have I seen children with work-at-home parents kill someone, kill themself, become a drug addict, etc. Never. The ones that I see with all the issues are those parents who are A-B-S-E-N-T. Yes, I am yelling. I am just so sick and tired of all the backlash and negativity against us stay-at-home moms.
I think you are guiding your anger towards the wrong people. I don't know if your parents dropped you off somewhere when you were little, but you definitely have a problem to be so against us - and go so far as to call us inprofessional to be working from home. I have an idea. Why don't you NOT worry about us stay-at-home, work-at-home moms because your arguments carry absolutely no merit whatsoever. None.
As moms or dads, we are here. With them. And it does matter. They are thriving. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Before you start printing up posters and plastering
them all over town, campus, et cetera... remember there IS a little girl involved here with very tender feelings.
How long ago was his conviction or was it an accusation? What is the history behind the charges?
I beg you to PLEASE check with authorities and possibly a grief counselor for advice BEFORE you destroy a little girl who may have absolutely no idea of her father's past.
Posters here are giving great advice
I would definitely stash the savings before she got her hands on it. AND, I do believe she needs some help. Overspending can be a sign of a chemical imbalance. At the least, she needs budget counseling. You have to think past the moment, to the years ahead when you are both old and could possibly be broke.
We live in a double-wide trailer, older, but it is nice, and we are fixing it up room by room. Our mortgage is smaller than what rent would be. This is a conscious choice for us, knowing that if you choose the big fancy house, the big fancy payment comes with it. If you are already struggling, please stay where you are. I think you knew your answer before you asked us, just wanted affirmation, and all of the posters are wise on their advice. Best of luck to you.
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
Posters are correct, child support diff from visitation
Just because a parent is behind on child support does NOT mean you lost your visitation rights, even if you went to court and tried making restitution. What the courts might do is GARNISH your salary (if employed) with some going towards back child support. I am not sure if all states are the same, but I would think they are on this subject, but again, I'm not sure. Florida works this way though, this I can assure you.
She wasn't talking to you, BTW. She was talking about the 2 posters below! nm
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