So, Anon, be your own Best Friend...
Posted By: dinosaur on 2007-07-06
In Reply to: Thank you-I know it's bad - if it was happening to a friend (sm) - anon
and do what you know you need to do. We've all given you good advice here. There is free legal aid and counseling available all over the country, big towns and small. Act in your own best interests. Pretend that your best friend is being abused in this manner and look up the info for "her". For some reason you are reticent to do this. Are you afraid you cannot make it on your own? Are you afraid that he'll come after you? Do you think that the marriage can be saved? Do what Ann Landers always says "think about whether your life would be better or worse without him in it". If you think that it would be better without him in it then you need to make a decision to get the help you need. Don't tell him what you're thinking about doing. Don't let him find out you're making copies of necessary paperwork. This is about YOU and YOUR needs (necessities really). BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! (Sorry about yelling - just trying to get through to you!)
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To ANON
Thank you.......
To another anon
OK....have a good night....
For anon...
Just for the record, I wasn't calling you names. You don't like my opinion, that's fine. I've read your previous posts though, and I don't think some of these other posters have. I was NOT calling you a weird lady, I was stating that to a 6-year-old boy you are some weird lady who is taking his daddy. You and the father were not together long enough for that child to feel any connection to you prior to the marriage, and you have shown nothing but hatred and jealousy toward the child on your weekly posts here. I would (and this is just a guess) imagine you're not all that bonding and loving with the child, so yes...he's not going to think well of you. And I still stand by my belief that a 6-year-old saying I got a slushie and you didn't isn't spiteful or in any way a malacious act. It's a 6-year-old being a 6-year-old.
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
I agree with anon
Just gradually let the friendship drop. When she wants to see you, tell her you're not available. If she calls to cry on your shoulder, listen for a couple of minutes and then tell her you need to get off the phone. She isn't going to change, so you have to.
BTW, someone below mentioned a friend using the fact that she is bipolar to excuse this kind of behavior. I am bipolar, and while there may be some things I don't handle as well as I would like, I have a steady job, I have been married to the same man for many years, I have a son in college, and my bills are always paid on time. But then, I always take my meds. I may not like the side effects, but I want as "normal" a life as I can have.
Anon - please get help today -
I really don't want to be an alarmist, however, we all read the news and every day there's a report of wife who disappears (or is killed by her husband.) If (and this is a big IF) he is getting worse and IF you feel threatened by his behavior - get help! Look in the white pages for social services and find a woman's help group. Only you can tell if he's getting angry and if you're frightened. If I were frightened in any way by my husband or his behavior I'd be out of there! We cannot give you any other advice than to seek advice in your community before it's too late. Again, to reiterate and make my point, it really sounds like he's into porn. There's many types of porn from the mild Playboy type to the really ugly violent porn! I hear that it becomes addicting to some people and, if that is the case here, I would seek help immediately!
Do you have kids anon?
I agree spanking should be kept to a minimum, but sometimes with younger kids it is necessary imo. When my oldest was 3 or 4 I had my cart full of groceries and my hands full and told him to stay right by my side and hold onto the cart when we cross the parking lot. He ran right out into traffic! I spanked him right there in the parking lot because I wanted him to remember to NEVER do that again. I also talked with him about once we were in the car, but some situations call for spanking imo.
Some parents never spank their kids, and good for them, but if a parent wants to smack a kid on the butt sometimes that is their business. I don't like spanking too much though because it does send a message of violence and fear, but sometimes fear is the only thing that gets through their thick skulls! I think you should give a warning first normally and not hit out of your own need to vent, but to get a message across to the child. Plus, some kids are such spoiled brats that their parents should spank. Overindulgence is also a form of abuse and will only harm the child in the longrun. So I do have mixed feelings on it, but I don't think it's fair to say that parents should never spank their kids.
reply to Anon sm
I can see where you are coming from but there is a simple answer - change the channel. There is plenty out there for everyone. I get sick of the ugliness myself but it pays the bills for the stations and it amuses small minds. You have to have a bigger set of values and flip the channel, change the station, put on some nice music, read something positive, take a walk, etc. There is an old song with the lyrics, "You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't mess with Mister In-between." It's all out there, you don't have to pay attention to it or you will be just like "them."
I agree with anon
He seems to just be content and getting too comfy, maybe mix it up a bit. Make sure you have eye contact with him when you are speaking to him. My hubby's personality is also kind of bully-ish and tends to come across that way, especially when he is grumpy after working all day, just like I am. I tend to take care of the house, 4 kids, the animals, etc. and work full time, so I am grumpy as well. I make sure that we get a hug in and an "I love you" daily and that seems to help. The more I have taken to doing this, the more relaxed things are in the house. Try to get an hour alone every week for just the two of you. My hubby and I make sure we get 15 minutes to talk about our day every day. Try not to take offense of what he is doing, just try something different. It sounds like your in a rut.
I did it - anon from yesterday (sm)
It's all reported and official. Now I don't feel so alone. I don't want to get into a big discussion on here in case he is checking to see if I posted anything...but it's all documented by the right people and they have my back. Starting my kids in counselling there as well. I feel my backbone growing back :-) If you have replies please reply to the orginal post below...don't want it to be right up top again, just in case. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement yesterday.
i care anon,
and i am sure many others do to, but don't know how to help. i never read your previous post below until now. difficult times cause us to grow personally and adds to our character. nothing was ever gained (or made easier) by giving up. you have to hang in there. i really don't have much to offer either, except to suggest that you go the emergency room for treatment. Worry about the cost later. there are so many sources of help available, social services, etc, pantries, shelters, help phone lines. Your true source of help is God above. Learn about him, pray, devote your life to him. call a minister. I would suggest to speak to someone at the church of Christ; ask for spiritual counseling. There are many who would love the opportunity to help. i wish you the best.
I care too, anon!
Please contact me by e-mail if you just need someone to talk to....or someone to listen to you. My heart goes out to you. We are all very concerned about you and care very much, but the anonymity of this board is frustrating. We can't reach out and hug you like we would like to! Please know that we do still care and think about you often!
Thank you for responding, sm and anon...
I didn't know about not having to pay those fees. This time I really did some homework as far as the dealer's list price versus MRSP, etc. The confidence thing needs work, though. My last 3 cars lasted 10 years, so I don't get a lot of practice with this.
Yes, like I said, by all means go to Al-Anon. sm
You work the Al-Anon program for yourself and not for the alcoholic. You'll be more than glad you did. Not to necessarily save your marriage, but to save YOURSELF.
Anon poster, do you have any idea...
HOW HILARIOUS THAT WAS?! Oh my god! That post is truly a hidden jewel and I hope others read it!
I'd prefer to stay mainly anon except to say
I recently relocated to Texas (I have a few co-workers/friends that visit these boards and I really don't want them to know about my daughter's situation, it's rather embarassing to me).
I'm very angered with the school system. Not just this situation but also the special ed stuff going on with my son. The district my kids are in seems too busy to really want to deal with the parent. That's why I know if I marched down there tomorrow about my daughter's punishment, I'd get nowhere but have a headache. It's just not worth it to me right now, as I'm so very busy and with the holidays, it all stinks, ya know.
Thanks for listening.
Hey anon - I posted above but will just say a line here
Not calling Animal Control because they really are not cruel to their dog. Actually I think the dog should say and Animal Control should take them away. HA HA. Dogs not tied up and every once in awhile (every other day) it gets loose and they go running down the road yelling after it. Why they even have a dog I don't understand. Anyway...they are not cruel to it, they feed it, pay attention to it and it goes in their house at night to sleep. They are just fools that don't have any consideration for their neighbors and giving their neigbors some peace and quiet, but thanks for your post. Bout a year ago at a different location we had to call animal control. Neighbors at another place took off for 2 weeks and left their dog alone. We had to have PD come to see if something didn't happen to them inside the house. Come to find out those flaming imbilci!es went on a vacation and didn't make any arrangements for their dog. They had a freind look in but the friend showed up twice in two weeks. We offered them free pet sitting if they were planning to go away again.
Anon said 'stupider' is NOT EVEN a word.
IT IS A WORD, BOTH can be used!
Can't you even read, go back and read her post!
Well, I am European and I use British English, where English originated.
There are a lot of people who say that American English is not even English!
Glad to burst your bubble!
You are the stupidest!
True Anon, but Christ is being removed out of everything and that isn't right either.
t
Calling AA will do you no good. You need to call Al-Anon.
nm
Attention: Anon....website for stepmoms
Anon,
I read your post about your stepson. I just wanted to let you know that I belong to a wonderful website that allows stepmoms to talk about their issues, give advice, share positives thoughts, vent, etc. I have learned a lot from the wonderful ladies on there. Here is the website if your are interested.
www.stepsforstepmothers.com
thank you, anon. And this, Philly, is why your posts are inappropriate.
nm
Nobody loves you when you're down - anon from a few days ago (sm)
So after telling my story and getting some really nice encouragement from some people and getting bashed by others, and having friends and church leaders encourage me to report all that was going on in my home, I have the sinking feeling that once I did what I was told to do it was like, "good luck with that." I can't get any guarantees or promises from anyone I have talked to yet. I am worse off than I was before and scared to death.
To anon..She was trying to explain to the rest of us in simple terms...sm
how mares foal, bkz most of us don't have the opportunity to see that. You don't even know how many horses and other animals Hayseed has and cares for every day!
I suggest you apologize immediately.  Cat
Are you the Anon who was worried abt possibly violence or hubby taking your kids? m
Best of luck to you for taking the steps to change your life. I wish you well.
No, he is not..I have a friend...
coming to feed the cats (live in the country, have 8 outside cats!) and 3 inside cats. I feel bad making her come and mix food for him...we live 25 miles from town. A vet told me that he will either eat or just drink water and would be okay...but I will worry about him! I have been cooking extra chicken, turkey, etc. for him..my husband says he is spoiled!
I had a friend who had those and
apparently they just observe them. Maybe you should get a second opinion if you are having pain. Hope you feel better. 
too bad- my best friend
has 'the gift.' That is about the only way I know to put it. She cleans my house for me and she can do in an hour and a half what it would take me all day if not two days to do. And it just looks so clean and bright and shiny when she is done!! LOL I mean, there is clean and then there is CLEAN!! And when she folds my laundry I don't even need to iron it later! We have the best deal worked out- she has one of my vehicles on a sort of 'permanent loan' and I pay the insurance on it and I also try to pay her a little extra here and there, and she comes over and helps me keep my house clean and helps me stay on top of my bills. I have a pretty bad case of ADD.
If you were in this area I would maybe lend her to you for a while, LOL. I know she would like to find just one or two 'regulars' that she could clean for to make a little extra money on the side.
Friend
If she is really a good friend, stick with her. REAL friends love you warts and all. If her behavior is causing you true anguish and she is an acquaintance... go your separate ways. Money comes and goes -- true friends don't.
Lilly
My friend's SON. not MOM!
Sorry for the typo. I am a BAT brain today!
Friend? Some friend! sm
Yes you should be mad, but only at yourself. Giving $$ once I can see. Maybe twice. You have been used by this 'friend'. Doesn't matter how nice you think she is, you have found out otherwise. You are out $$ which you generously gave in thinking it was being used to help her out, yet she has taken advantage of you and therefore, that speaks reams about her character, or lack thereof. I would be disappointed in her and mad at myself for falling for her sob story. I'd tell her exactly how I felt from the heart and would end the friendship since it was based on lies. She has the characteristics of a con woman. Time to cut the losses and move on...and learn!
friend
If it is something that is opening her up to being hurt in anyway most defintely i would tell them. It is their choice then to decide what to do. You know how some parents really shouldn't be parents and others are great parents!
friend?
I actually had to call a parent before. My daughter had asked ex-friend to stop writing things about her in her online diary which she did for a while. When it happened again, with a statement to the effect of you asked me to stop writing about you, too bad!, I called the mother and had a little chat. Never happened again. In this case, she actually used my daughter's name so I brought up the fact that it was libel. Print out the bulletin to show parents if you have to.
Friend
I would want to know if it were my daughter. It might get complicated when you first tell them and could cause problems but in the long run you may very well be saving her life. Please don't hesitate to tell the parents.
been where you are, my friend -
I am so sorry. I know this is hard, but here is an idea to try. Have your vet get you some Buprenex to administer at home. It is a very small amount of liquid you give via syringe inserted between her cheek and her teeth. You shoot it into the mouth. Takes less than a second and is painless. It is absorbed nearly instantly. It also causes far fewer side effects than most pain killers. This has worked like a charm when my cats had to have teeth pulled, for one that had all its teeth pulled due to severe stomatitis, and one who had oral cancer in his jaw. Try baby food (the meat types) and AD canned mixed with Pedialite to get food in her and keep her hydrated. You will know when it *is time* to let her go, but please give these things a try and let us know how it goes! My best to you.
Thank you - about my friend (sm)
She was a Christian and throughout her illness she asked for prayers for God's will to be done, not for her healing (although many of us still prayed for her healing). Many of the people posting on here blowing the horn about what great Christians are, are not acting the way true Christians should. I will admit to everyone that I am confused. I can't answer the questions about the suffering that goes on. I am not going to say that those people suffering just didn't have enough faith. The fact is you are not going to get what you want just because you pray for it. You might and you might not. I still believe, but many things in the world still don't make sense to me. I think somewhere along the way, we have gotten the message confused. I posted a link above about some little children who I think have it right.
A friend of a friend has had it done - sm
She did it about a year ago and has lost over 100 pounds but recently starting having severe problems. They ended up having to take them out as she was unable to eat at all basically; nauseous, constant vomiting, etc. She feels much better now though. Not sure of the details but that is the basic gist of it for her.
I'd be mad...no one else is her friend, so why should you be? (sm)
No reason for you to put up with her any more than anyone else does. She's just a snob - maybe if everyone ignores her for a while she will get the hint!
Friend?
Ever hear of a toxic relationship? Sometimes they are terribly hard to break, but you will be much better off if you cool it with her for a while, just see her when you absolutely have to.
I have a friend that did this went from Bob to Rob - sm
I just had a hard time switching to the new name as I had known him for years as "Bob". To him it was more an acknowledgement of his coming out as gay I think. I could care less that he was gay (and had known for a long time before he "came out") but he got mad that I would not call him Rob and so cut off all contact (we are on opposite coasts now, and then, so it is not a big deal either way). Upsetting to lose a friend over something so stoopid, we were both wrong I'd say, I should have tried harder and he should have cut me some slack as I had been a good friend for years. ---This guy's family you mention probably has the same problem, they know him as "Michael"; he should cut them some slack as that is what they are used to. My brother is named Mike, and we all call him Mike, my SIL is the only one who calls him Michael (he has never asked us to call him Michael though). I think he should just learn to live with it and use his new name with new friends and leave his family alone.
I have a friend like that too, SM
She does have a chronic medical condition, but is doing very well. She exercises with a personal trainer several days a week, takes long walks every day, and recently helped her stepdaughter remodel her home! However, she has a handicapped sticker (she brags about never having to walk very far in the winter) and not only that, is on SS disability. She hasn't worked in several years. Oh -- and if her DH or one of her teenagers runs errands, they take her van so they can get the close spots too. :(
And yeah, maybe I'm being judgemental too, but I agree with you 100%.
friend...
You know I guess some people are different but if someone pays $1000 for something I AM NOT asking to borrow it. I don't like borrowing other people's things. If I break it I feel it is my responsibility to replace it. So I just don't. Some people have no problem with it.
Friend
My good friend had a baby 8 days ago. Beautiful baby boy! Well her husband took off work 2 weeks to spend time with the baby. Her mother also lives with them and helps her too. Her mom also took off a week. Well I am friends with her mom also. We talk on the phone too. I thought I would not call and bother my friend until her husband went back to work. She won't talk on the phone if her husband is home. I know, don't ask. They don't want to take away from time with each other from what I understand. I personally do talk on the phone when my husband is home. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Anyway me and my friend always talked on the phone before the baby was born almost every day. Unless her husband was off work. Well since she has had the baby and her husband went back to work, she just has withdrawn herself. Doesn't want to talk to anyone. Made the comment to her mom that she doesn't want any company. Her mom called yesterday and I knew my friends husband was working so I told her mom tell her to call me later when she gets a chance. The baby sleeps alot so I figured she would. But she didn't. I guess I am just confused. I never went through that. I wanted to talk to friends. After a few days of recooperating I wanted friends to see my baby and all. But I don't understand her. I know every one is different and I just have to respect her wishes but I as well as another friend of hers is confused. I should also mention her baby was born with clubbed feet. She has really been upset about this and asked me in the hospital not to tell anyone. How can this be hidden when the baby will wear casts for a while? I am wondering does this sound like postpartum depression?
friend...
That is why I haven't went. I am respecting wishes. I did not say I was going to go by unannounced. I am honoring her wishes so therefore I am being a real friend. I considered sending a card though.
No, I only had a best friend
back when I was about 12 or 13. I open up to people and think I can trust them and just when I do they turn on me. I don't trust people anymore, been hurt to many times. I see this all the time where I hear ladies talking and hanging out shopping and having a nice time and wish I had that with a friend.
best friend
I have not had a best girlfriend since college. . My fiance is my best friend now. . I like the idea of having a best friend but I think I am not trusting enough. . My daughter has had a best friend since she was 13 - she is 23 now - and I really think they will continue their friendship - I hope so. . I think it is a good thing, just doesn't seem like it is going to happen for me.
I like your friend. . .
xx
Okay, I think you are my new best friend LOL
I can't believe she is going to die! I can, cause she's way too nice for a soap, but I really like her and want her and Vicki to be friends again. Oh, how that death will put Vicki into a tail spin. She's going to feel so horrible for how she treated her. This will definitely push Nikki and Victor back together again too I think. Wonder if Victoria will take over the art gallery?! Wow, lots to think about.
Yes, Heather was going through Ji Min's belongings and found a picture of him with Walter. Paul just saw it as she asked him for help on the Ji Min thing. (not sure, you may already know all of this). Anyway, Paul asked for the complete photo as it was cropped and I'm sure David will be in it. Then all of this will go down in a hurry with the Nikki thing. Wondering if I should watch today's or tape it and watch it WITH Monday's episode, cause I know it will be a cliff hanger today.
Thanks for the website, I will have to check it out.
Also, his FRIEND would help for $200
It sounds like he is not charging you, but he is going to need help and his FRIEND wants compensation. I mean, for someone that doesn't know you personally, to help for only $200, I wouldn't be complaining. Also, if your daughter knows you don't like him, most likely he knows you don't like him. He isn't going to jump at the snap of your fingers to help you if he knows you don't like him. I am sure he will set the furniture where you want it, but he isn't going to unpack all of your things and keep moving furniture around so in other words, you better know where it is going before he gets there. I have moved many times and I have had the same experiences. I don't expect someone to help me design my house for me. Just be appreciative that he said he would help because he could have just said he was too busy PERIOD.
If I were you, I would stop being a meddling mother-in-law and let your daughter have a good marriage with this man if she loves him, or you may be a contributing reason they divorce. Let your daughter be happy! I wouldn't say anything to your daughter if I were you.
I have an old friend--or ex-friend really...
I let something stupid, the details of which I really cannot even remember fully get in the way of our friendship and I miss her terribly. I realize now that it was stupid and that one little let down - or big let down, for that matter - is not bigger than all the times that she was there for me. I was selfish and stupid and not as understanding as I should have been of where her life was at that point in time. Sometimes, I think that taking the back burner is what we need to do to be good friends. I wish that I had been older and a little more understanding when this little (should have been little, anyway) fight happened. I might still have my friend.
This is where my best friend went sm
http://www.denture.com/
She has had them under a month and LOVES THEM. She has been talking properly since day 1.
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