She made her choice but parents at least owe their kids a chance (sm)
Posted By: Carolina on 2008-04-04
In Reply to: Parents DO NOT owe kids college education. - SM
She was given that chance and blew it - some would blow it and some would not. But I still think that with the way our country works today if you do not at least try to help your kids get through college you have not finished your job as a parent.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Not by choice earlier in life, but now no kids by choice
When I was young we desperately wanted kids. We tried for years. (I never took birth control ever, and we even took fertility drugs and planned for multiple kids, just never worked out). Then went through a period of years where husband didn't want them but I did, then years where husband wanted them but I didn't, then about 15 years ago we both decided we didn't want them. We didn't even know what we wanted in life for ourselves and we figured if we couldn't figure out what we wanted why in the world would we bring kids into the world. Now I'm thankful we never did have kids and hope that we never do (I'm 52 with only one ovary - had ectopic pregnancy a few years back), but chances are I do not think we will ever have kids. Now I just cannot tolerate the kids. The little ones are very cute and we love hearing them play in our neighborhood. Some of the things they say are the funniest, but once they get to a certain age it seems like something in them transforms. When they lose the innocence of youth and start becoming little bullies talking back to their parents with their snotty attitudes we just always say, if he was my kid he'd never see the light of day again. Nothing drives me more insane to see the way some of these kids talk to their parents.
But now a days with all the bad going on in the country (around the world) and the country heading for disaster, and if the Mayan calendar is correct and in 2012 we see some major earth changes and the possibilities of civilizations being wiped out, who would want to put their kids through that.
So, I just say - I'm free of kids and loving it!
i made that choice for 5 years
and now i really enjoy my meat, esp bison and chicken.
No, unless of course the foster kids of choice
include the more difficult ones because a lot more money is paid monthly for them. I knew of a couple who took in only the more difficult kids, a bunch at a time and made a killing off these kids, now well off and retired and enjoying live and want nothing to do with any of them. Never did really. Sad.
How I made some parents very happy....sm
Last night our 1st-5th grade choir (20 students) presented their Christmas program at church. This is my first year of working with this group of kids as we've been members at this church only a year now. I've never been one to assign parts by "popularity" vote and try to make sure that every child that wants a speaking and/or solo gets it if at all possible, and for those that don't speak up to get one I ask them personally if they want a special role in the program.
In last night's production I asked a boy who is severely ADHD if he would take one of the main roles as I'm very aware that kids like this need that channel for their energy and it boosts their self esteem. He was very excited to do this and did a great job... even with it being hard for him to learn his lines.
The best part though was we have a girl in the show who is learning disabled and has a severe speech impediment. I gave her a speaking part and a solo, and she worked hard with her mom to learn it. She did very well and most people could understand what she said or sang. After the show her mom told me that it was her favorite Christmas program of all of her life because I asked Madison to have that role instead of the other kids, and how much it meant to both of them that I didn't overlook her.
The pastor told me that he was very impressed that I especially gave roles to these 2 kids that over the prior years have been overlooked because of the way they are, and that I reworked the play to give every child involved at least one set of speaking lines so everyone had that special moment in the show.
Doing things like this is what kids need regardless of their artistic ability. The 1st & 2nd graders worked as hard as the 5th graders did on learning the music & drama and some of them even out-sang the older kids! I've been in churches before where the music director picked the favorites/most popular and it certainly happens in the schools, so I always want the kids and parents to know that I will not abide by the popularity vote and show my love for these kids & God by giving everyone a chance in the spotlight.
They are both the kids parents - they should both help (nm)
x
It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but -
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves.
The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)
Dr/kids/parents
Need some advice. My 12 year old son has been ill on and off since October of last year. My hubby and I have had him to the dr. several times since October. In January a new care provider diagnosed him with Mono. He had missed 12 days of school with that and we were told it would take a great amount of time to get him over this, as he probably (according to the new doc) had mono at that time and was never properly diagnosed. After sending him back to school the 3rd week in January he comes home and relates to us that he hurts and is sooooo tired. This resulted in another dr. visit. This time we were told that he was still fighting whatever infection and this was normal. He missed a week of school with that episode.
This morning he wakes up and is complaining of an earache and running a slight fever. I am very concerned and have run out of ideas on what to do next? I just want to make sure he is properly cared for and there is not some underlying process going on that they are not able to diagnose.
Can anyone offer some advice to this worry wart of a mother.!!!!!!!!!!
Well duh....kids do need two parents BUT - sm
that is not always the case. Some moms and dad are just plain bad parents. In this woman's case she is trying to do the best she can, being mom and dad, and kid is trying to push it to the limits. Maybe the dad was the feared one in the house, certainly sounds that way, so the son now thinks with dad gone mom will let him do whatever he wants. Maybe that is what has happened with his friends. It is a lot of work to be a single parent. I have two friends that are single parents. #1--She left/divorced her DH when their only child was only a year or so old. He is $14K behind in child support but she is afraid of him so will not take him to court for the money. Luckily she has a very good job, and has now moved back in with her widowed dad to help take care of him. Her daughter is now a very well-adjusted 14-y/o who never sees her dad because he just won't make any effort. My friend has bent over backwards to try to get him to be an active father, he is just a total aaaasssss though. #2- Her kids actually begged her to divorce their dad. He was very verbally abusive and controlling. My friend had to hide money to have any. She would buy stuff at the store then return it for cash in order to save up money to leave him. The kids were quite happy with the divorce and hated to go to their dad's on the visitation weekends. Her daughter did it for about 2 years then refused to go--he of course took my friend to court on that, but luckily for the daughter she was not forced to go back to visitation. Now her son, 16, just told dad he does not want to visit with him anymore either. My friend is waiting for the court documents to come now...hopefully he won't take her back to court again. The dad puts strings on everything and they are not allowed to do anything over there, no friends, no TV, no electronics. Either clean the house, read, or stare at the walls basically, and be yelled at most of the time as well. He never takes them anywhere (to cheap), and spends most of his time tinkering with his truck or one of his motorcycles. He used to hold the child support hostage on my friend, would not give it to her if she ticked him off or until she would do something he wanted her to do, she finally got tired of that crap and went to the state and now gets it through the state/family courts. Only 2 years left on the one and 1 on the other so almost done with that. Then she can basically cut all ties with her ex, she will probably have a big party when the younger child turns 18. ----So in both their cases the dad's stink. #1's ex is AWOL basically, and #2's is a controlling jerk, it is his way or not at all basically. ----some men/women do step up to the plate and become better parents but I believe that they are the exception to the rule. ---I am sure counseling would help the entire family come to grips with the changes they are going through , and children need to be given firm boundries, etc. so they knows what is expected of they.
parents are suppose to be there for their kids, but he needs to get his s**t together
What kind of man lives on mommy? I am sure you don't want your son on this path.... I feel bad for you too! People go into the reserves so they can also have another job or go to college.... this sounds like a case for Dr. Phil... in fact I have seen this on there and he told the mothers to give them an ultimatum of either help out or GET OUT!!!
Some kids think this is funny, their parents laugh
and I for one totally agree with the school system. My daughter and her friends years ago thought that was cute to pass gas and belch out loud. She was called down on it every time I was around and thank goodness, she is now 33 and has finally learned how to behave herself and act like she has some sense. I think parents overlook their responsibility for not calling down kids on doing this. It is not fun for grownups and should be attended to promptly. Unless medical concern, it really shows lack of manners and upbringing.
lazy parents don't monitor their kids or keep them on the right
nm
Parents DO NOT owe kids college education.
When DD started college we paid,,,, at first. But she did NOTHING to help herself. From her part time job, all her money went to nails, clothes, meals out with friends, etc. She did nothing about getting scholarships. After 1st year, I said I wouldnt pay anything else. DH continued to help her. She did apply for scholarship thru DH work and got $2000. Of that money, she ended up dropping a class paid for with that money, cause it was too early (8:00am). Bottom line, she did nothing towards finishing school, in fact, quit going, did not increase work hours. I stopped giving her ANY money at that point. She ended up marrying Marine boyfriend and is now working at Dollar Store. These were HER choices, instead of completing her teaching degree, of which she only had 2 years to go. I told her why should I spend my hard earned money on her when she was doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She knew if she was making an effort to her future I would help her, but not if she wasnt doing anything for herself.
By then, they usually know, and if not, will be made fun of by other kids.
x
I think in this day and age parents should plan a way for their kids to attend college (sm)
$1000 a month is nothing compared to what it actually takes to raise two kids.
Help! Pushy parents think I work from home and can drive their kids etc
I am constantly being asked to watch people's kids because I work from home. The latest is a friend of my son attending the same camp in another town. The friend I will call Scotty. Scotty has two parents. His father works from home as a computer consultant. My friends and I have called Scotty's dad to work on our computers and he never even returns the call or shows up. Scotty's mom recently asked me if I could drive her son home from them because the dad gets busy and doesn't like to leave clients. I told her that I too am working from home and have to minimize my time in the car. Scotty does not live close to us. I feel like a big meanie but they have pushed me before. Last year our kids were not even in the same camp but the mom called and asked if I would drive and pick up her son every day because i live in the same town as the camp. I was like ??? no way.
They used to drop Scotty off at my house on school holidays. They would drop him off at 7 AM and then once the mom called me at 5 PM and said she wanted to get an oil change and asked me if I could keep scotty until 7:30 PM. I said NO and then she came to pick him up earlier but stayed at my house uninvited until 9:30 when I just said I HAVE TO GO TAKE A SHOWER.
Anyone have clever ways to handle these situations?
It burns me up when parents support their bratty kids' actions
This kid is going to get some bumps and bruises from the School of Hard Knocks, otherwise known as LIFE.
Poll for parents with school aged kids at home...sm
1. What ages are your kids?
2. Do they have their own cell phone?
3. Do they have their own TV and or computer in their room? If so, are there set hours they're allowed to use these:
4. Do they receive an allowance? If so, are they required to do chores to receive this?
As for our house, here's the answers. Kids are 15 and 8. 15-year-old has a cell phone and pays her bill. 15-year-old has a TV. The kids share 1 PC that is where we can see what they're doing on it, and they're limited to no more than an hour a day on it if it's a school day. We do have parental controls in place. They don't receive an allowance but they are aware of a special chores list that they can choose to do extra things around the house to make money. They are required to keep their rooms and bathrooms cleaned, as well as alternate cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.
This may be your last chance, your only chance...
This may be the only chance--it may be the last chance for you to save your son.
My son started in with smoking pot and drinking alcohol at about the same age. I, unfortunately, was too soft, was a push over, and I, too, didn't want to go overboard. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret my decision.
Every time I hear the wail of a siren in the distance and it is coming toward this part of time, I cringe, and I wonder if they've come for my son. Every time I get a knock on the front door, the thought goes through my head that it may be "the knock," associated with the police coming to tell me my son is dead.
My son is 28 years old now, and he is not only an alcoholic (and a nasty, obnoxious drunk at that), he is addicted to meth. He will take anything just to get "high." He stole the phenobarbital that I give to my dog to control his epileptic fits. He drank 2 whole bottles of cough syrup with DMX just to get high and hallucinate. It doesn't matter what the drug is, he'll take it. His primary jones is with meth. I saw my son the other day for the first time in about a year, walking down the street. If he hadn't had the particular one-of-a-kind jacket on, I would not have recognized him. He looks like a walking corpse. His face has morphed, looking like the faces of meth you can google. He's 28, but he looks older than I am (55). He was, at one time, brilliant, with an IQ in the 160s. Now, he is what I'd describe as dull-witted, unable to reason his way out of a paper bag. Even his voice has changed. He walks the fine line between severe psychotic episodes and sanity--and he is toppling toward permanent psychotic behavior more and more. In short, my son is dying, and he lives every day to get more and more of the poison that is killing him.
Don't go into doormat mode. Tell your husband. Get mad. Do what ever you have to do--including having your son committed to a rehab facility against his will until he is of legal age. If you stay in doormat mode, you enable your son's habit--and it is a habit...one so well established that he thinks nothing of posting pictures of the crimes (and they are crimes, and YOU are responsible for what goes on in your home) on the Internet.
If you don't act aggressively and act NOW, you will be responsible for its outcome. My son is dying because of my inability to act.
Do whatever you need to do, including taking him to the police department--anything and everything. Once he tries meth, he'll be a goner.
I'll be saying some prayers for you and your family.
If you think I'm "too harsh" and don't do something, any refusal or inability to act right now may very well end up killing your son. I, unfortunately, am speaking from experience.
Is there a chance
he (and mother) might have mental issues? If this goes beyond family it seems as though he is missing something. I'm not saying it is an excuse but it could explain some of his actions. I always strive to understand where things are coming from. The explaination does not always change the outcome but sometimes it helps make a difficult decision a little easier to live with.
One (there are a few) of my family members I spoke of was my uncle. The time I finally decided not to put any effort to talking to him was when he told me flat out that I was a screw up because I went to college for 3 years and decided to stop going because I found a great job and wanted to settle down with my now husband, who was divorced and with a child of his own. This was shortly after I was married that I spoke to him and he basically told me what a mistake I had made. Well, here I am 10 years later and my life is very happy and fulfilled. I later found out that he's an alcoholic. I still would have made my decision but its much easier knowing that I wouldn't have exposed my children to his alcoholism anyway. I also don't feel that is something you can help someone with. They have to want the help themselves.
By any chance....
Did they do an I&D on the cyst? I actually went through the I&D for a pilonidal cyst years ago. I didn't know what it was, but my temperature was over 103 degrees and I just felt "weird" all over (the raging infection, I'm sure, wreaking havoc on my body).
Because it was "traveling" up my spine, the ER doc did an I&D, and that REALLY screwed me up. I felt most of the symptoms your SIL is describing. I don't know if it was a delayed shock reaction because when I went to the ER, I wasn't planning on the procedure, or if it was just an odd result of all of those toxins getting out of my system. I remember my dad being so worried about my condition that he dragged my mattress out into the living room so he could keep an eye on me, so I must have been pretty bad.
If she has a high fever with the pilonidal, or if she underwent I&D, I'd give her about 12-24 hours to recover; however, if the symptoms persist, I'd take her to her PCP or back to the ER.
Better safe than sorry, that's for sure.
Hope she feels better :-).
Is there any chance
I don't want to seem rude, but...
The fact that she misled you about the money and it's for her, not her husband...
The obvious desperation for $300...
The completely irrational behavior that defies logic...
Forgive me if I'm way off base, but could she have a drug habit and be desperate?
I certainly don't mean to insult your friend, so please don't take it that way. Lots of white collar people have prescription and other drug problems, no shame in it these days.
It's just that when people suddenly act extremely out of character and so very desperate for money that she wasn't honest about...well, stranger things have happened.
Again, sorry, and definitely NO offense intended if I'm way off base here.
Any chance
He's on probation? I've known people on probation who refuse to use their own address because they'd prefer to avoid having the authorities drop in unannounced to pay a visit on them.
Is he by any chance a deadbeat dad or in some other legal dispute where someone might be wanting to serve him papers?
I'd get the answer to these questions (and more) before agreeing to let someone use my address. I'd also suggest he retain a P.O. box if for some obscure reason he does not want to use his physical address for things.
My family made home-made mozzarella,
and it was very good. I was pretty small at the time, so I don't remember the exact process, just that it was done pretty quickly, and a lot of milk was used.
I don't know if you'll save a lot of money making your own cheese. The cost of milk is very high, too, and you need a lot of milk to make cheese.
Any chance a mouse is somehow
caught in the fan? Although when this happened to my mother's, it caused it to quit running and she had to call a repairman. On discovering the problem, she heard him muttering to himself, "Why me? Why me?"
Are you Catholic, by chance? :)
nm
Are you jewish, by chance? :)
x
**PICTURE of ER-MTs dog Chance**
I want his life!
Just got a chance to pass thru - let me
know how your appointment goes. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have to go to sleep on my side or I get ill. I am rather large in the upper department also - would love it if insurance would pay for a reduction. I haven't ever mentioned it to my doctor either - mainly because for each test that they decide they will run, I see another bill I would have to pay.
When you get a chance, google the
Alday family in Georgia, rural, mostly farming family, all killed in the 60s by intruders- I think there were about 5-7 family members they killed that day plus raping the woman before slaying her also. Sometimes people have false sense of security.
there's a good chance
that boy & girl are seeing each other as they used to be, not as they now are, & through the additionally warmifying haze of longing & regret. I went through something similar but neither of us was married at the time we got back in touch 20 years later (I was divorced, he had never married). By the time we met up again, 20 years' worth of unspent passion had reached such a pitch that it was like being on a drug. We spent a lot of time together over the next couple of years but were not physically intimate this time around. Now here's the kicker: Not only did the feelings eventually pass, I now realize he is one of the most annoying individuals I know. Maybe he was always that annoying; I'm not even sure. At any rate, I think if we had become intimate this time, my conclusion would have been the same, except that sex would have made things completely icky. Now we have casual contact. We live in different cities. We talk every few months if that, & it's okay. It's nice to still be in touch, even if it's only to honor the past. I consider myself lucky that I was able to work all this out outside of another relationship and that no one was hurt.
It's useless to speculate on what we would have been to each other if we'd stayed together & been a couple all those years, how we might have ended up as people. Maybe I wouldn't find him as annoying, or maybe I'd be in prison for having murdered him at some point, who knows. The point is, we weren't together all those years, we went off & became adults & lived most of our lives away from each other & became who we became, & there's no changing any of that.
The moment when I realized that he was not now who he used to be 20 years ago was very difficult. A collision of past & present. I felt a lot of grief over the loss of him, loss of the feelings, loss of youth. It would have been easy to mistake all these feelings for romantic love. I'm not saying any of this is the case for the story in question, I'm just saying Girl should be sure before she unloads a good man. The process of coming to terms with the past may cost her dearly.
Its a no..turned down...not a chance
I had my meeting yesterday afternoon with my lawyer. Although I am clearly disabled I fall threw the disability loop holes. There are 2 types you can sign up for. The first you must have worked 10 years consecutively. I worked when I was first married and then when we had kids I stayed home with them until they started school and then went back to work as a substitute teacher. I had worked 9 years consecutively and had a stroke so I am disqualified there.
The 2nd one you have to have not worked or be low income. Low income meaning a little over $900.00 a month for dh and I. Kiddos don't qualify as dependants since they are over 18 or the income level would be higher. We are low income but not that low for the 2 of us. The only thing you can own is your home and one vehicle. We own our home and 3...the old truck we are trying to sale that might bring $500.00., the truck dh bought for $1000.00 and the car he inherited from his sis. Dh also inherited some land and some money from his sis. AND THEN there is the fact that dh and his sis had to put their dad's money in their names so they can pay for his care, power of attorney and all that, and although the money goes for ONLY his care and we use none of it it goes against my case.
So although I am disabled, in pain every single day of my life, I don't qualify for disability. Our income doesn't qualify us for Medicaid. Our income doesn't afford us insurance IF we could find someone that would cover me with all my health issues. I'm tired, defeated, exhausted, cried until I can't cry. I don't know how many knocks I can take.
I don't begrudge anyone health care...but how is it fair that I can't get it and its handed over to those that have never paid a dime in taxes? How is it fair that a convicted child molester will get his disability? (yes I know someone that is and will get his). I just don't get it. There needs to be decent affordable healthcare in this country for EVERY citizen. I'm not talking Socialized medicine. I'm talking decent affordable healthcare.
It should not cost $4000.00 for an ER visit and $500.00 for the doctor. Yes again that happened to me last summer. I would never have gone if I had not been doubled over in severe pain and my regular doctor sent me there. I left the ER with a huge bill, a prescription I could not afford to fill, and a huge bill I had to finish paying and I'm still paying. They made me pay $250.00 before I left the hospital. Another time when I fell and messed up my ankle my doctor sent me over there for an xray. My ankle was 3 or 4 times its size and they still made me pay for the xray before they would even do it. Something needs to be done with this crazy ridiculous business
Do they by any chance have a social worker you...
could contact? That way, if the social worker stepped in no one in the family would really be so "involved" and it might save hard feelings further down the road but might have the same results.
Have you already started the New Years before I have a chance?
chug-a-lug
Are they mountain climbers by any chance? - sorry, I had to ask! nm
nm
I'm more afraid of dying before I have a CHANCE to get old. nm
x
Adam is so hyped. No one has a chance.
nm
Is there an age limit on being able to sign up?? I might have missed my chance. LOL
Sorry couldn't resist. I'll never be too old to think that sounds wrong 
I'm more annoyed that the court keeps giving her one more chance.
xx
Any chance you could visit family or a friend...
for a few days when he leaves the dogs? Or simply tell DH that you will only take care of your guys? Let hubby experience what a job it is. I have a cat and a large black lab and those two alone can keep me pretty busy. Can't even imagine what you go through on a daily basis, let alone when you have extras. I believe in karma, and you have a giant reward coming your way one of these days, as do many of you other kind-hearted posters.
Oh goody, a chance to play doctor....
Do you have high blood pressure? Have you increased the salt in your diet lately?
I take a water pill, have done so for most of the last 12 years. I was started on it for hand swelling actually (and high BP), but the last couple years, I've had leg swelling when I forget to take it.
Mostly, I think some level of mild leg swelling comes with age. Anything that causes you to need bigger shoes isn't mild though. That would be the point where I stop playing doctor and point you to a real one.
Giving him another chance?? When did he start showing remorse in
s
get him a prescription for Chantix. It will give him a 44% better chance of quitting. nm
.
I head that was a limited-time only thing. I never even got a chance to try it. nm
xx
Congratulations! Any chance you can email me the recipe. Sounds yummy! - NM
NM
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
DH's choice
This is the dog my DH says we can have! He is 5 years old. He has been a show dog, but he finds it too boring, so we get to adopt him .... if Sasha approves of him. Do you think he's pretty?
http://www.synama-wintersweet.com/trey.asp
I am told this is an excellent line for show Siberians. You can tell who the champions are (to see their other dogs, click "Our Siberians" tab at the top) by the CH before their names. 
don't have a choice....
have to get the kids off to school, but most of the time still in my pjs
My choice . . .
Denzel Washington, Paul Newman, Robert Redford.
Again, you do not know whether they had a choice
or not. This is simply your opinion that they did not have a choice. Yes, teenage girls, or boys, for that matter, can be married with the consent of their parents. Again, we do not know the facts in this case. You have even gone as far as saying the men are "old and stinky." How exactly do you know this? You do not... That is simply your opinion. I have lived in St. George, Utah, which is very close to an area where these people live, and I have seen many young (20s-30s), what I would consider attractive men, married to these women. It is best not to stereotype people, especially when all of the facts are not available.
It is not your choice...
As I stated above, it really is NOT your choice! She could REQUEST leave, or a reassignment, but nothing is saying that it will be approved! Especially in the Marines! There aren't always, "ways to get around that."
choice-
gay is a choice sort of like being male or female is a choice, sort of like having brown eyes is a choice, sort of like being tall is a choice. Whatever. One does not choose to be gay nor does one decide to be gay.
|
