She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
Posted By: on 2007-01-22
In Reply to: don't want to rain on your parade, but I too --sm - noone
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
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I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
I was in the same boat 20 yrs ago
It was damned if you do, damned if you don't. Nerves were on edge all the time. I really wish you the best.
Here's what I did: I took our two kids and got OUT before he killed all of us. I have never looked back, never regretted having to work two and three jobs to support us. It wasn't easy, we struggled, but we were SO much happier not having to tippy-toe around him anymore.
Kids are grown now. My son sees his dad, still tries to please him, very sad. Daughter has NOTHING to do with him and won't let her daughter see him.
Sorry didn't mean to turn this into a rant or a book, it just struck a chord with me.
Not saying that's what you should do at all, just that's what I did. I will say a prayer for you all. And for those of us who have survived it. God help us.
In the same boat.....
My son got his learners in June and so far, seems responsible when it comes to driving. He doesn't like a lot of talking and no radio on. (Of course, we know teens change overnight) I am just going to let him have a learners for awhile because my insurance company doesn't charge if he has a learners. Maybe his senior year, we will allow him to start driving some and put him on insurance. But I have to agree with the other poster, 15 is very young, even though there are responsible kids out there. It is the other drivers on the road we worry about. We were driving the other day and someone pulled right out in front of my son!! I was so mad!! Good luck!!
I am in the same boat.
I saw my high school sweetheart after 20 some years. The sparks just flew again. It was a wonderful moment. We are both married with 2 children. I live out of state luckily. We are both in not so great marriages, but are staying with our spouses for the kids sake. He said he would wait for me, so who knows, maybe we will be together again some day. I really hope so.
In the same boat
This has happened to me for 7 years now. Even though we are not young, we are not ready for no intimacy! He does not seem interested in anything, just cuddling and kissing, nothing else. I get so frustrated, and it does hurt my feelings. When you talk to him about this he gets furious.
in the same boat...
I am pretty much in the same situation and can relate to what you are going through. My problems with debt started because I decided to quit a job making 45,000/yr to do medical transcription in which I am lucky if I make 20,000/yr. I could not keep up with my own personal bills and instead of confiding in my husband, I put bills on my credit cards and every payperiod swore to myself that my paycheck would increase, but easier said than done since I do VR and the pay stinks. My husband thinks MTing is ridiculous for the pay and hard work we do. I was insisting upon staying with it and had too much pride to let him know I could not pay my own personal bills. When I did finally tell him he was upset that I would put myself in debt, knowing that as a couple, our debts affect each other. I am now seeking help from CCCS, a counseling service that has a very good reputation. Just make sure you pick a reputable, nonprofit agency, and they will put you on the right track back to financial stability. Needless to say, I am going back to the work I used to do and doing MTing on the side.
Best of luck to you!
Same boat
I am in the same boat you are in. I will not be putting up Christmas lights either. I love decorating my house with Christmas lights, but not this year. 
Same boat here.
DH doesn't like pumpkin either so unless I make it to take to someone else's house, I won't get any. I can't bear a whole pie going to waste and I can't bear a whole pie going on my hips! LOL
boat next to you
I can sympathize with you. Have had problems with parotids for several years and it is terrible. No tumor was seen, but have passed a stone after a sialodochoplasty done at St. Louis. Make sure you have absolutely the best surgeon for this type of thing. Makes all the difference. Will be praying for you also. Keep us informed please.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
I don't think its rude per se - I'm in the same boat
I constantly have people ask me why I'm not married and why I don't have children. What I find odd is the men - they will ask me "can you not have children?" I will ask them "what kind of question is that??" And the response I get is "well, women tend to have babies at the drop of a hat," or "women just get pregnant without thinking twice about it." All kinds of responses. I've even been asked if I'm a lesbian (which I'm sure I'll get pounced on, but I find that extremely insulting).
I guess the bottom line is that in this day and age, if a woman does not have a child, is not shacking up with some guy after the second date, or has never been married, then there must be something wrong with her in the eyes of society. However, try asking the woman that has 4 kids by 4 different guys why she never married the daddies or why she doesn't use contraception, and boy oh boy, stand back or run for the hills.
My answer has always been - I never met the right one. Which usually gets a response of "maybe you're just too picky."
I could go on and on about this. But think about this - the women that ask you these questions are usually the same women that say one of the following: "Men are dogs, or men are pigs" and "oh god, I couldn't imagine being single and dating. I'll take what I've got at home over your life anytime."
Makes you laugh doesn't it!
Going out on our boat to soak up some
rays, floating on my lounge chair raft and then stopping at one of the restaurants on the lake for lunch. Yes, I use sunscreen and a lot of it. Have a canopy on the boat to sit in the shade. It is going to be hot here in the northeast too. Can't wait.
I'm kinda in the same boat
My 30+ year old stepson is supposed to be moving out today. Believe me, it won't last. He is the filthist person I have ever met and for his age is VERY naive and gullable. Won't be long before others see what I have been trying to tell them for years. He's lazy, selfish and totally irresponsible. It's just a matter of time before he gets a DUI. He totally disregards any advice or help my husband gives him and listens to his loser friends. If my husband lets him move back in.........that's the day I move out! I've got news for my husband....HE WILL BE PAYING MY RENT --- since he has the money to keep supporting his ADULT (and I say that loosely) children! Good riddins' to him!
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
I am in the same boat. I have no desire to go to my in laws for sm
Christmas Eve and my husband is making us all go. It's the biggest fight every year. I am dreading it so much. I wish he would listen to me, but he won't. I don't see a long future for me and my husband. It's always his way or NO way. I should just say I am not going and not go, but IF I do that then Christmas morning will be miserable. He will take it out on me and the kids. I think he's just like them!
He pouted all day Thanksgiving because I refused to go to his mother's house where his siblings (the culprits) would be. The thing is this: They've never liked me. Never. It's been almost 10 years and everything is my fault. For a long time it scarred me, but then I realized that it wasn't me, it's them. And then to have my husband force me to be around this hateful, evil people is beyond understanding. I am NOT looking forward to Christmas eve. I swear, I just want to stay here (I've already celebrated with great friends and my family) and just want to enjoy Christmas eve and Christmas with people (my kids) whom I adore. But, it won't be that way when you have people in your lives (unfortunately) who are exactly the way you just described.
Ugggh. Not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it off, my birthday is Saturday. I told him that I wanted to NOT go to his mom's house for my birthday. That made him mad.
Oh, and don't tell me to put a smile on my face and be nice or put up with it. Until you walk a mile in my shoes where you have 3 sisters and 1 brother who think I am the antichrist, the last thing you can do is smile at these people....And I am a very kind and nice person. these people bring out the worst in me.
Nope..no gravy boat.
Mine did not come with one either. Below are a few on ebay that might work. I like the last one too because it is round and could be used with one of your larger saucers. Hmm. I did not have S&P shakers either. Believe it or not I use these as my every day dishes. They are very, very durable, but then again I do not have children either. My mother always said, what good is china if you can only use it once a year! They do look lovely at christmas time on a gold charger plate. I also used candles shaped like pine cones and/or pine cones in the center piece. I paint also so I will probably end up feeling sorry for you and paint you one!
280110136597
140113712960
300066983736
120114143571
I love Banana Boat...
EveryDay Glow Daily Moisturizing Lotion - Hint of Color! I just bought 2 bottles today for $4.96 each, probably the cheapest there is. It works great! It gets darker every day you apply, and it's just like lotion so it goes on nicely. I'm extremely white, and this gives me a nice color without looking fake. I use medium skin color. There's also a darker one. I usually put my own peachy lotion on afterwards to take away the smell.
Thanx! Saw a boat named that once, but it suits me better!
/
Navy? On a boat with thousands of hor*y men? I don't think so. nm
d
Oh gosh, I missed the boat on this one!
I just posted what I thought was awesome, not what I was dreaming was awesome! I have no imagination.
Okay, calorie-free ice cream would be my awesome thing. With Cool Whip. Calorie-free Cool Whip.
Same boat, just too afraid to post it.
*
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
When I asked why it was ok for him to pick out a truck and a boat without me (sm)
he blamed it on the fact that I had bought the kids a $300 plastic pool last summer. He used that same excuse again about the shed. "you picked out a pool!" How dare I pick out anything?
He may be....but $300 pool versus a $30,000 truck, and a boat, etc., etc.? nm
x
You are missing the boat entirely and totally negative when you no NOTHING
He has more (material things) than you do and most men of 60s+. He has a home that he has worked to own -- not given to him! Material things do not mean much to me, however. I make my own living. He has an engineering and Masters degree. How many degrees do you have? He is very athletic! He has had olympic training. He is a wonderful man who MANY of you would desire and don't have. He knows that pleases a woman and EXACTLY what he wants in life.
Most important to me is that he expresses that he is a "God-fearing" man. There is NOTHING in life more important to me than that!
He has no kids -- not a priority in life for him. He is too wonderful to describe! I know more about him than you will ever know about your partner, because we COMMUNICATE.
Sorry for your skepticism. But I will take it with a grain of salt, as it deserves to be taken.
This man is an open book -- but not only that, but he hides nothing.
WOW is all I can say about him ! Have never met a man like this in my entire life! He wants to please me, and he is certainly capable of doing that.
You are missing the boat entirely and totally negative when you no NOTHING
He has more (material things) than you do and most men of 60s+. He has a home that he has worked to own -- not given to him! Material things do not mean much to me, however. I make my own living. He has an engineering and Masters degree. How many degrees do you have? He is very athletic! He has had olympic training. He is a wonderful man who MANY of you would desire and don't have. He knows that pleases a woman and EXACTLY what he wants in life.
Most important to me is that he expresses that he is a "God-fearing" man. There is NOTHING in life more important to me than that!
He has no kids -- not a priority in life for him. He is too wonderful to describe! I know more about him than you will ever know about your partner, because we COMMUNICATE.
Sorry for your skepticism. But I will take it with a grain of salt, as it deserves to be taken.
This man is an open book -- but not only that, but he hides nothing.
WOW is all I can say about him ! Have never met a man like this in my entire life! He wants to please me, and he is certainly capable of doing that.
We are in the same boat. First and foremost, file your taxes.
The penalties are huge if you file late. Once you file, it will take about a month, and they will send you a bill. We were able to get a 4-month extension, i.e., extending the due date of the balance. We only had to pay interest and some penalties for paying late - again a fraction of what it costs to file late. That did not cost anything. The next option was setting up a payment plan, and I think that cost $125 to set up plus the interest and penalties for paying late.
They really are not bad to work with, especially this year. I read an article where they have been instructed to work with people, especially in light of the bailouts for large companies. They are very respectful, much better than any creditor I have ever worked with, and as long as you are working with them, I think you'll be just fine.
I married the same man 3 times and still married to him.
Together for almost 29 years now. 
Good luck to you, I'm sort of in the same type of boat
Have had many non-cancerous cysts/endometriomas removed along with one ovary. After many different opinions, the majority of doctors have recommended avoiding the surgery if possible and keeping the remaining ovary and just having yearly ultrasounds, as I am only 39, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off symptom-wise and not having to worry about cancer down the road if I just had the surgery. Like everything else, there are pros and cons and it is a very tough decision. I have heard many women say, oh I had one and it was the best thing I every did! Only to find out they kept their ovaries... so big difference! Please let us know how things go for you and best of luck!!!
JAWS: "I think we're gonna need a bigger boat."
*
Boat show in Urbanna on Sat. and Busch Gardens on Sunday - nm
x
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
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