She has a step-father who can be
Posted By: truffle on 2008-05-18
In Reply to: We can only guess, and - Me
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
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FBI would not step-in sm
without justifiable cause, you wouldn't think... oh the gossip..... I worked with a lady that her husband was molesting the grandchildren, and he served like 20 years. She was in denial, and when he got out she took him back, and there were more grandchildren by then. What a world we live in! 
yes, that is my (our)next step.
we have 14 little kids from ages 5 to 9 in 6 different houses on my street. (2 are mine). when we bought this house 6 years ago, right before my second child was born, we were the only family with kids....this has become too too too much.
It's a serious step, but.... (sm)
if you are firmly committed to the animal it's sometimes for the best for peaceful coexistence. I had to have my first cat declawed at my mother's insistence (I still lived at home). I took a day off work and babied him as he recovered from this major surgery. After I was married, our second cat we had to have done because she couldn't understand why the other cat could scratch everything and she couldn't! I couldn't get her to stick with the scratching post, of course! We had those two for many years and after the first one died, we got a kitten, and since the second cat was never much of a "scratcher," he was easier to train and is intact. The second cat later passed away of old age and we adopted an older cat who seems to like my couch, but given that he is an escape artist, I've decided I have to live with it in case he gets out.
Another option is those little rubber caps that they have in the pet store that glue onto the claws; sometimes they can buy you some time while you work on training.
Good luck!
Step up
You need to step up here and be the parent. . Tell your husband. . Do not let your child bully/scare you into allowing her to continue this behavior. . Make her stick to your rules.. When she is staying with approved friends, call the parents and make sure she is there. . Where would she go if she left home? I doubt there is anywhere else she would be treated as well or have things as nice as she does in her own home with her loving parents. . She is a smart girl and will realize that - she is just playing you.. It is your duty to raise her in the way YOU konw is right.
Or if you step on a crack
you break your mother's back. To this day I have an OCD thing where I can't step on cracks. I wonder if this is why.
Well you just described my Step-mom, even though I love her. nm
!
To: Think you should step back sm
Nah, you are not worth a reply! You get back what you put in... nothing!!!! Zilch - Hey, next time step up -- leave a REAL NAME!!! Coward!
HA! Me too. My son is using my step machine
!
Well, Step-One: Get it appraised by an outside
on TODAY's market, which in most areas is anywhere from 40%-50% lower than it would've appraised for 3 years ago, when home values were obscenely inflated.
Then see about the loan at the current appraisal rate, NOT what it was worth 3 years ago. Maybe you'll have better luck that way.
Friend or not, I would shy away from having the house appraised by someone who is a friend of the current owner's. That would be a conflict of interest that's better steered clear of.
Good luck!
Personally, I do not see this as a step backwards--sm
as MOST of the women seeking abortion are children themselves and only want to rid themselves of a situation they created, being oblivious and not wanting to face any consequences of..getting pregnant. In other words, they want to be able to have sex without paying any price for that, i.e. having a baby. A lot of these *children* seeking abortion should be made to see that what they are seeking to terminate is human life and if that child were born, it would be considered murder. This human life is not a *tumor* or *cyst* that must be excised to save ones own life, but is a human life all its own. Viewing an ultrasound of that baby prior to having an abortion may deter some *children* from going through with that procedure. Other than the *forcing* aspect of it, I really think it would eliminate a lot of needless abortions. More strenuous parental control on these *children* having sex in the first place would be a better alternative. JMO
Still, one needs to step back and be objective
This kid came to the US at age 8, probably not speaking English. His parents probably did not speak English, so he has to learn English at school. He was no surrounding by a Korean community. He was put in the middle of an English speaking neighborhood. Info coming out about his parents certainly seem that they were also loaners, so to speak, without a support system. Can you just imagine what this kid felt? If his parents have no real friends, they speak Korean, he is supposed to speak English and he, according to others, had no real friends, never socialized. So, before someone says this had nothing to do with where he came from, we have to think in this case it may had.
When a child that age is taken from his community (and he does have friends at that point), without a good support system around him, they do not flourish. The kids that had to be uprooted at that age with hurricane Katrina found themselves in other schools, other communities, no one they know. My daughter taught several of those children and I can say that they really do have resentment, bitterness, withdrawn, scared, isolated, and it comes out. Many of their parents are not coping, so how do they cope? This kid went all through school not fittng in. With that hateful play of a child killing his stepfather, I can't help but wonder if he lived with his father or stepfather, and if he didn't feel all these things after being taken from his homeland. He lived in an affluent area, which is far different than he lived in. If he never fit in, and not knowing his home life, one could open their minds to how he finally cracked.
Your husband needs to step up to the plate, no one else can do it!!
He needs to do it at the next opportunity. You teach people how to treat you. His silence speaks volumes to them. I feel for you. Went through something a little like this with my MIL for YEARS. She had nothing against me, just the fact that her dear son had married anyone. He finally told her to watch what she said to me or to anyone else about me because word was getting back to me or he would have no contact with her. She turned overnight into the best friend I have ever had. I have never heard her saying another bad word about me. Your husband needs to put these people on *notice* and NOW. Best of luck to you.
How wonderful to know someone like your step-uncle!
Have a great weekend with your family!
There are 6 of us, 3 boys and 3 girls, some of us are even step
We all get along fairly well actually, its some of the sistes-in-law and brothers-in-law that we cannot stand ! LOL. Thankfully, (not to be mean), but everyone, except 1 is divorced from the ones we couldnt stand and now they have found others that we get along with. My one brother is still single after his divorce.
We used to kid around "what is wrong with so-and-so? - Oh yeah, they are not like us!!"
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
x
Why a mini-strike? Keep it up and they will step up
x
Mine is to step away from the table....LOL!
nm
My step-mother was with my little brother
He was from her first marriage but my dad adopted him when he was 5. It didn't really get bad until he started junior high. She went to the shcool every year and sat down with the guidance counselor and made up his schedule. She did this all the way through high school. When he started college she wanted to go with him to sign up for his classes. I told her how embarrassing that would be for him but she said other people would just think she is an older student waiting to register. Since he was going to a local college and there would definitely be several people there that knew him as well as her we were able to talk him out of it. When he started medical school she went with him to find an apartment. Upon return she described the furnished apartment to me to a T, although she couldn't remember my dog's name LOL!. Needless to say his first wife didn't like her....but we didn't like the wife either. He current wife doesn't like her either but at the same time both times my brother married very controlling women, just like his mom. I will say this, she has gotten much much better. Thank goodness, he is now 34 and lives 8 hours away.
Step-grandchildren advice anyone?
My son and DIL have dated since my step-granddaughter was 6 months old. They would be together, break up, get back together....you get the picture. Whenever they would break up, DIL would come and get any pictures I had of my step-granddaughter because "I would just throw them away." I have completely stayed out of the situation between my son and DIL because I knew they would be back together in a couple of weeks. At first, I was VERY attached to my now step-granddaughter. I have evidently built up a wall now and I am having a very hard time being a "real" grandma to her. I feel so guilty about this but just can't seem to become attached to her. I guess I've built up some walls in fear that she will be taken away again like she had been so many times before. I know it isn't her fault. By the way, she is 8 now and they have been married for 4 years. Anyhow, they are trying to have a baby and I am so excited...but feel horribly guilty because of it. I just know in my heart that this baby will always be my grandchild. By the way, DIL's parents are divorced and they all spoil my granddaughter like it is a competition. She has every toy imaginable. I guess my question is, how do I get over it and really be a grandma to her?
Am I the Wicked Step-Mother?
I know I don't post here much but I do read and feel you are all friends. I offer prayers for those that request them and feel for those with troubles.
I would like to know what you think about my latest dilemma. I came home from town today to find a phone call from my step-daughter, age 43. She has my cell phone number but for some reason she won't call me on it. Anyway I called her back and as usual she wants money, $500. I have lent her money in the past with the promise to pay back but it never happens. I know they say if you lend money to family consider it a gift and I have. I said "no" this time and now I feel terrible. She started out by saying she had a medical bill to pay and then turned it around to a DUI fine that has to be paid by Jan. 1. She got picked up in August for a tail light out and had been drinking with co-workers. Her story. I was advised by the court not to help her so that was part of the reason I said "no". She works two part-time waitressing jobs. She's divorced and no kids. She said she would pay me back $100 a month. If that is true why couldn't she have saved $100 a month and had the money to pay the fine? She called me a few weeks ago and I know she wanted money then but she didn't come right out and ask until today.
Thanks for listening, I appreciate it.
My youngest step son was killed ........ sm
in a motorcycle accident and was almost decapitated. The mortician did a very good job with him, but there was still some evidence of the trauma he suffered. His mother chose to have an open casket because I doubt she could have dealt with it any other way. It was a very hard funeral, and hard for me as I had not seen him in quite some time and it was hard seeing him lying in a casket, but I think, hard as it was, it did help bring closure for me and for his family. I think it is a very personal decision that only the family can make at a time like this.
We're out-of-step, I think. Tree up just before Christmas.
I grew up in a large Italian immigrant community many years ago. (Not telling exactly HOW many years! :)
I loved the old customs, and that's what I stick to. In the "old country" it was about the nativity display in the house, not so much the tree. But we did have a tree that went up usually on Christmas Eve, and it came down on "Little Christmas", in January, on the Feast of the Epiphany. Leading up to Christmas, we celebrate advent and keep an advent wreath on the main table and light candles each night. We still get a real tree, and we put it up just a few days before Christmas, but it stays bare until Christmas Eve. On that night, we have a big meal which includes seven seafood dishes, then decorate the tree, go to church, and come back and eat some more. I love the food!
Sometimes it's really hard to put everything off, because it just seems that decorations go up right after Thanksgiving, and come down the day after Christmas (which is my birthday, by the way.) But I like doing just what I did with my family when I was growing up.
Congratulations! Brave step you took! Best wishes (nm)
x
I totally agree with Ship. I used to be a step-mom...
My situation was much different, though.
I think you guys need to talk and your husband needs to get his head out of his butt and let you be a step-mom to your step-son, i.e., allow discipline for one thing. I'm not saying beat the kid bloody, of course, but if you can't tell him no or make him do something, that's ridiculous.
Sounds like your husband has big issues and I know how some men are about therapy or changing in any way. Being a step-mother is NOT easy but if you want it to work and think you can make it work, steps need to be taken; this won't go away and you can't just *tolerate* having your step-son there and only being happy with your husband when step-son is not there. Much, much good luck to you.
My feeling is if you step outside the border, you're
I don't want my tax dollars spent in some rescue or investigation because you went to a country you didn't have to and that was deemed dangerous.
Why would you even ask here? Why not contact the State Department about it?
Yes, innocent tourists are killed. Are they prime targets? Haven't been in the past but in order to get ahead, put nothing past them.
I just don't see spending money to rescue anyone or trying to investigate a disappearance, etc. We have enough problems here. You're on your own.
Electrical current through foot, the other hangs in walking midway through a step, anyone else?
have this problem? I have been to numerous physicians, have been told neuropathy. I am walking so gingerly this morning around the home because know if I step flat on 1 foot (left) it will have the electrical current as happened earlier this morning. Always when walking, never with lying, sitting, etc. You never know when it will happen. The other foot (pedal foot, right) will hang in mid air sometimes when I am taking a step which makes me hop so I will not fall. Gosh, I would love to look forward to my vacation this summer but sometimes the feet ok and then other times not so good. I know the electrical current is probably nerve related but have been told so many nerves in the foot would be like looking for needle in haystack to trace down. I mostly only wear bergies and put them on as soon as I get out of bed. This is not good!!
I think she said the father did not want her around
so really she should take that same stance. I think you just cannot sometimes may an enabler understand what they are doing wrong. My deceased husband, I talked to him about his enabling with his daughter and he told me he would do until his last breath and he did. She was a total invalid after that, did not have a clue (at 30 something) how to make her way. Oh well, glad I wasn’t the mother.
You ask about my son's father?
The father came around after the son grown and now lives with him. No money ever from him while my son growing up, not a penny, nothing. I have nothing against the father, just always thought he basically did good to take care of himself but not a father figure at all for the son. He was able to work, chose to live on the streets and finally got too old to be out there and my son and his family took him into their home. I was there but people have to understand what money does to people, especially if a lot of money, thousands and thousands. My son was upset about my inheritance and that is what happened. It is sad but not my fault he would choose the love of money over his mother. Wish him well.
your father
This is a touchy subject. Yes, it sounds a little like he may be trying to "take the easy way out" but really, what he is doing is self degradating and really desperate. I believe he needs help. Of course, he is not going to see it or admit it himself. That's WHY he needs help. He has threatened to take his life and spoken of wanting to die. I think you should call 911 or see if your town has a crisis team and tell them that he has said he is going to kill himself. Have him taken by ambulance or let the crisis intervention team figure out the transportation. Once he is at the hospital professionals will evaluate him and decide whether or not he needs to be committed against his will or long term treatment. They will give him counseling and even point him in the direction of how to start managing life again. The worse that could happen is that they say hes fine and send him home (which they will not do without at least providing him with information for outpatient treatment and other local agencies that can help him).
However, how will you feel if, God forbid, he does hurt or kill himself while you thought he wass just bluffing?
And even if it doesnt go that far...he will continue to harass you and your mom.
He needs help of some kind and as his daughter I think you should find a way to help him.
How do you know her father was
there for her? You are assuming that. As far as writing him off, it might be the best thing for her. Toxic people are very dangerous. Obviously you had a story book childhood and until you go through something like that, it is impossible to understand. Because it is a parent, it does not mean you have to put up with emotional and mental abuse.
Father in law
My father in law is an ok guy. One problem. He likes to come to our house and watch TV. On Saturdays and Sundays, I am off work, and I like to relax on the couch in Pjs and watch my TV. My husband drives an 18-wheeler, and a lot of times when he comes in if it is on weekends his dad will come over that morning and sit here ALL day long. My husband said last time you know I love dad to death and like for him to come visit but after a couple hours it is time to leave. Well now my husband isn't at home and he comes over to visit my son who is 11, and tells my son lets watch a movie or something. Well this is my weekend to relax and lay on the couch and watch TV. I feel like I can't relax in my own home. He doesn't have satellite at his house so he wants to sit here and watch. I am so fustrated. He needs to go home. I think he uses the excuse when my husband is gone to come see my son so he can sit here and watch movies. I would like to watch my own TV. URRRGHH! Any advice?
My father in law tried that with his indoor cat
and once they got outside the cat totally flipped out like a crazed wild animal. It was a very scary experience from what he described. So just be careful.
I do not live in 1 but my father had 1 and
when you pull the carpet up as I did when I got the trailer it only had cheap plywood underneath it. Having said this I was going to rent it out as eventually wanted to sell for the land it was on (6+ lake front acreage) so we put down linoleum (spelling?). A trailer is mostly made from the very cheapest you can get, thus the cheaper prices most of the time than homes. We took inexpensive commercial carpet for some of the bedroom floors and hubby put that down. These are about the cheapest you can do, don’t think your idea of a faux finish will work with the plywood but then you can always check on that. By the way, do you have to tar the roof of yours? Most trailers require this- did not know until after I had in possession- the only difference is a regular roof was put on this 1 - most are flat on the top and require tarring.
Actually he is a wonderful father...
who takes time out of his sleep schedule to be with them, eat dinner with us, go to kids' sporting events and the usual things people do without missing a beat because everything works out for their schedule. People who sleep during the night have no clue how hard it is to sleep during the day when it is light out, loud noises outside like lawnmowers, snowblowers, leafblowers, construction and more than you could realize. Nobody schedules meetings at 1:00 am so you have to get up after a few hours. Going to church on Sunday with your family and having family day requires less sleep because he works Sat. and Sun. night.
I feel sorry for you that you can't have an open mind enough to see that not everybody has the same life, same feelings, same jobs. If I can make him more comfortable including having a dark bedroom then I will and I asked for help in achieving this goal, not to have someone who doesn't know him or our family come on here and insult us. Not once did I say this was something he told me to do or makes me do..I am doing it because I love him. If he gets home in time in the mornings he gets the kids ready for school. Marriage is about give and take.
Your father was a 1 in a million.
A lot of men would have left being walked on and demoralized but your dad didn't want to leave you to suffer it alone. Usually, even when a mother isn't fit to raise a goldfish, mothers still get custody of the kids, and that's sad. There are a lot of great dads out there and they really need to be given the praise they deserve. What a great dad you had. I can see why you cherish him so much.
From what I can gather, he has only seen his father twice ....sm
in his entire 11 years. I think his great-grandmother raised him and also raised his mother (which would be her grandmother). Well, I think this lady just recently died and the child came to live with the mother and mother's boyfriend. The mother's 5-year-old lives with his father and I have noticed that the mother has him every other weekend. All of the kids except for 1 are from single-parent homes, including my own. I have been divorced for 5 years. I do not think that should be an excuse though. I am a very involved, hands-on, in tune, on top of things mother and I work my butt off to have what we have. My daughter sees her dad every other weekend sporadically. Yes, it does put a lot of responsibility, worry, etc., on the custodial parent but that is our job, not the neighborhood's job. There is another single mother who lives here and her husband is in jail. Her 2 sons are very well behaved. Then there is this mother and the single mother of the 2 girls who just suck at parenting. You rarely ever see them and they both take "nerve pills" and "sleeping pills." I've just never been that type of person and I have hard time understanding how you can bring children into the world and not take care of them. I don't expect the rest of the neighborhood to raise my daughter. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Father-Daughter
I don't know that one. Now I'm curious and have to look it up and hear it!
Can you talk to your son's father about this?
Can you discuss this amicably if you are on good terms, perhaps approaching it from the angle of what's best for your son.
father/daughter
My take on this whole situation is they are playing us. They probably both knew they were going to be in the house, so I would not take it too seriously.
Child should have father's last name SM
and should see father, unless he was abusive. No matter what a woman may think of the guy, it will be disservice to child to not let him/her see father.
A divorced woman can keep name or change back to maiden. Doesn't matter. I kept my married name, since I had it for 30 years.
My father was also child #5 and
12 years younger than the #4. He was always told he was not an accident but a suprise. I watched Jesus Camp and don't agree with that way of "religon" at all.
You did not mention if a father of your son
is around or involved in any way. I think your first attention should be towards your son, not the BIL because apparently your child is doing some acting out and it tends to escalate. When parents of young children oohing and aahing about them, I think about how it turns like your story now a lot of times. I had somewhat similar bad behavior (although never went against my telling no), some drugs involved. I just told my son would send to my daddys home- would have been worse than prison for him and I knew that- ole timer- early to bed and early to rise, take no junk type person. My son turned around because I always told both my children I did not have time for crap- I had to work and make a living for them and I would never put up with backtalking, walking away and doing what they thought they could so, swearing, hitting or the like.
My father-in-law after many years
was able to figure out his trigger and it is citric acid. He has to read every label because it is a common ingredient.
I'm confused. Who is the father?
x
I was my father's TV "remote"
I was very young and never questioned what my parents said to me and one day I asked my dad why he couldn't get up and change the station on the TV, to which he replied, "Because I have a bone in my leg." Seemed like a logical reason to not have to get up and change the television; until one day it occurred to me that WE ALL HAVE BONES IN OUR LEGS!!!!! I have told my kids about this and they just cannot believe how incredibly DUMB I was. I agree. They still tease me about it and, as unhelpful as that phrase is, we still toss it around in our home. LOL.
We do believe, thanks to Grandma, that every time you get the hiccups, it means you are growing. My kids have asked me on the few occasions when I have had the hiccups, what that means for me and I just tell them when you get older, you don't grow UP, you grow OUT. LOL.
So, so sad. Especially Father's Day weekend.
He will be so terribly missed, especially during the election coverage. I will remember him with the white board and writing all over it. I always enjoyed watching him. He sure knew his stuff. Way too young.
It was the father-in-law and mother-in-law..
of the men's volleyball coach and the father-in-law died...
"No one comes to the Father but by Me"
is what Christ said. Most Christians (again, the ones who believe the words of Jesus) believe that religions besides Christianity are false religions.
My father quit at 65...........sm
after practically a lifetime of heavy smoking. He started when he was just a boy, which was common back in the 1920s. He quit at 65 and lived for 20 years before being diagnosed with lung cancer. Of course, we have no way of knowing how long he had it because he never really had any symptoms until about 6 months prior to his death. His cancer was found on a chest x-ray for pneumonia. It was inoperable as it was behind the heart and could barely be seen over the top of the heart when he had the x-ray.
I thought his death would make me stop smoking, but it hasn't. I have smoked for about 25 years now and I know I should stop but I haven't found the will power yet.
my father thought his MIL was
On the night I was born, my dad and his MIL sat in the same room together all evening while my mother was asleep in the next room. My dad said she stared at him all night long over her magazine to watch him squirm. By the way he was 20 at the time and she was 38.
To this day they have the same squirmy relationship.
It doesn't mean anything.
My father died when I was 21.
He was sick most of his life ... or at least during most of my life. He was a very sweet, gentle man, but he was always in pain and ill. As it happens, my family was just devastated in 1983. A dear uncle died of lung cancer that April. In May, my paternal grandmother with whom we lived died, my father died in July, and then another aunt who lived next door to us died that winter.
I have to say that as bad as that all was, the one thing that I was able to take forward with me was how to deal with death. After that point, as young as I was, I knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone, then to have to continue on and make funeral arrangements, stand in receiving lines, etc., etc. There's sort of a ritual to it all that is actually comforting. At least to me it was comforting. So from that point on, I had real empathy for others going through similar losses.
I think you've hit on why you feel that you are falling short in comforting your daughter. You said you haven't experienced this sort of thing in your life. One day, you will, unfortunately. It's part of life. But until then, it might help to talk to your friends or relatives who've been through it. You can gain insight from their experience.
I can tell you that there is really nothing to be done about the feelings. A person really does just have to experience them before going on. Your daughter sounds as if she is very in tune with her friends, who are going through such a horrible time right now and certainly have a long way to go yet. No doubt, your daughter is frightened about the thought that this could happen to her, as well. And she also would like to help her friends. I, too, tend to withdraw under stress. If your daughter is that sort of personality, then it might be difficult to talk to her. Just let her know that you are sorry and will talk to her when she is ready. But if you can talk to her, I would suggest you simply acknowledge that these sorts of things are extremely difficult to bear, seeming impossible. But that just being available to her friends will be a huge help. She can simply send a card, note, email, even a text message to say "I'm thinking of you." You can set the example by sending a card to the your daughter's friends and their families.
That sounds so simple, but it's actually huge, because when you go through times like this, so often you feel alone. Knowing that others are thinking of you can be so comforting. I can remember when my father died, I felt like I was walking in a bubble, separated from everyone but still there with them. I'd walk down a busy street, people moving past me, talking, doing their normal things, and all the while my whole life had changed. Yet, I know I looked completely normal. It was a strange feeling, one I've had more than few times in my life. I felt as if I had a gaping wound in my chest, yet as I walked down the street no one would notice it. It makes you feel very separated and alone.
So if you can offer any advice to your daughter, let HER know that she's not alone, and tell her that her friends need to know that, too.
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