Seek out a counselor.
Posted By: NM on 2007-07-05
In Reply to: Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm) - Anonamomma
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seek the advice of someone who knows
consolitation loans only treat the "symptom". Pay them off gradually, do not give your hard earned money to another lender. They charge way too much (all of them) to close on these types of loans or they wreck your credit. Seek out The Total Money Makeover and see how you feel then. It is by Dave Ramsey.
He supplies all of which I seek... nm
x
You need to seek out professional help . . .
This can't be fixed just by you changing your behavior. Both of you have to come to realize how the other feels and how to work towards the goal of a happy, giving, respectful marriage. From what you've written, it sounds like you have a passive personality, and it sounds like he's taking advantage of that. I would also suggest that you seek counseling through church, so that you can both discuss the spiritual side of your marriage and develop that as well.
I pray for healing for you both, especially for the children. Happy and loving parents are such a gift to children.
i think we naturally seek
to know and be close to God, at least until the 'world' around us lures us away. The whole idea undergirding my religion is that God wishes to have us reconciled with Him. I personally believe we instinctively feel that void. Like your child, i grew up in a nonreligious home, and was very drawn towards finding God. My opinion.
We have decided to seek professional help.
My husband and I talked and decided that for all our sakes and to try and do things right, we are seeking professional help to guide us through this.
I feel somewhat more relieved with that in mind.
I hope all this works out for the best.
Thanks everyone
Talk to him about it. If need be, seek counseling. Don't
zz
Seek another opinion - alot of doctors are
hysterectomy-happy. I've typed many reports where women had hysterectomies "just in case." Seek another opinion or even two more opinions.
Get him to a counselor.
narcotics anonymous meeting. I have never heard of profuse sweating from marijuana withdrawal. Maybe he was on something else as well. The good thing is he's done with it, but it sounds like he may need some medicine to help him relax, but this would need to be prescribed by a physician.
counselor
You didn't mention if you're going alone or not to counseling, and I wasn't sure by what you wrote. I personally hope you go by yourself first. It may be better that way. Obviously, you'd have much more room to say how your feel, and the counselor wouldn't have the husband "boundary."
I'm glad you're working on yourself. If nothing else, hopefully you can use this as a time to get back to who you may have been prior to the marriage, or at least learn to be more independent again and ENJOY being that way. It's really nice to be able to walk down the street with your head held high and a sparkle in your eye (not to mention the swing in your hips after you lose whatever weight you're talking about).
Please keep us posted. We're all here to help you to the best of abilities...
Counselor
This counselor apparently has "issues" of her own and seems to be in the wrong job. Sounds to me that you are raising your children just fine. 
You should probably see a counselor.
It sounds like his hobbies and your way of thinking are not one in the same. He sounds sort of selfish, but there are always two sides to every story. My Dad used to say if a husband/father finds reasons to stay away from the house then he just doesn't want to be at home. He used to feel this way about the men who always volunteered to work overtime, which in my Dad's mind put another father out of work. He always felt they should hire another man rather than keep these men from their families, but then again maybe these men "just didn't want to go home". It is sad.
You shouldn't have to live this way. Of course your husband doesn't want to divorce because you'd probably get his hunting money.  He sounds selfish and you might want to look into getting your own place and see how he can figure things out.
Might want to go to a counselor
I'd say if you are constantly thinking about food, yes, you might want to seek counseling. You may not smoke or drink, but overeating is self-medicating, too. NOW is the time to get some help, when you are only 15 lbs. overweight. Don't let it get out of hand and then you have 100 lbs. to lose and can't.
God bless you and I wish you all the best with finding a good counselor.
I had a counselor once tell me that too...
and she had met with us both as well. But the psychiatrist who prescribed the stress meds for me met DH and told me that we needed to stop pointing fingers at one another (DH and I) and start enjoying life. So, I parted ways with the counselor and am going to another one after about a year of being gun-shy of counselors. The original counselor who determined there was nothing in this marriage for me or relationship with this man as she put it was not my decision. It is what she said. But after DH and me meeting with the medical doctor psychiatrist, the MD gave advise to find someone else as a counselor and get a second opinion. He suggested that a lot was I was taking life and problems too seriously and we all needed cognitive thinking help in this house, to deal with stress. He said it was situational our problems and once we started the cognitive thinking, that is learning ways to cope with hard times, we could finally enjoy the happiness life has to give. I think it would be worth your while to get a second opinion if you have doubts about leaving, as long as you are safe in your situation. If there, however, is domestic violence physical or verbal abuse, that is a totally different story, you need advise from the local domestic violence hotline which can determine if you need to get out right away. I do not know your situation and do not want to send you the wrong way. If you are safe, then I suggest going to someone else and weigh the options of counseling for couples, and other things like cognitive training. If it is unsafe, then do call 911 or domestic violence hotline and don't waste time, do leave. Remember divorce is expensive, painful, and difficult to get over. You can do it if it is the right thing to do, we all survive these things. But if the marriage is safe, perhaps it would be less expensive and less stressful for you both to consider working on finding the love you had but perhaps got lost along the way in the hard times. Good luck to you whatever you decide!
I had a counselor once tell me that too...
and she had met with us both as well. But the psychiatrist who prescribed the stress meds for me met DH and told me that we needed to stop pointing fingers at one another (DH and I) and start enjoying life. So, I parted ways with the counselor and am going to another one after about a year of being gun-shy of counselors. The original counselor who determined there was nothing in this marriage for me or relationship with this man as she put it was not my decision. It is what she said. But after DH and me meeting with the medical doctor psychiatrist, the MD gave advise to find someone else as a counselor and get a second opinion. He suggested that a lot was I was taking life and problems too seriously and we all needed cognitive thinking help in this house, to deal with stress. He said it was situational our problems and once we started the cognitive thinking, that is learning ways to cope with hard times, we could finally enjoy the happiness life has to give. I think it would be worth your while to get a second opinion if you have doubts about leaving, as long as you are safe in your situation. If there, however, is domestic violence physical or verbal abuse, that is a totally different story, you need advise from the local domestic violence hotline which can determine if you need to get out right away. I do not know your situation and do not want to send you the wrong way. If you are safe, then I suggest going to someone else and weigh the options of counseling for couples, and other things like cognitive training. If it is unsafe, then do call 911 or domestic violence hotline and don't waste time, do leave. Remember divorce is expensive, painful, and difficult to get over. You can do it if it is the right thing to do, we all survive these things. But if the marriage is safe, perhaps it would be less expensive and less stressful for you both to consider working on finding the love you had but perhaps got lost along the way in the hard times. Good luck to you whatever you decide!
Try another counselor
I really think you need to talk to someone else. Like others have pointed out, there are very few, if any, fairy-tale marriages. And it certainly isn't just about changing your hub. Your indifference is a symptom of your own feelings and you will very likely be just as depressed and indifferent after the divorce, only this time you'll be alone.
I think you need a new counselor. nm
nm
school counselor
That's beyond the pail for all of the people at this school. I'm really sorry you have to endure this. It sounds like you don't have the option here, but this is clearly why school vouchers are so important so parents can be "pro choice" about their kids' education. Rest assured, it all comes down to the NEA, who is drunk with power.
O'Reilly Factor had a perfect example of this on Monday's show in the "Is it Legal" segment about how ridiculous schools have gotten. You should be able to open it up on the link below.
Good luck to you. Hold on to your core beliefs and continut to "do the right thing."
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I would get him into counselor ASAP
bb
School counselor defensive?
I really need some input here. My family recently moved back to our original house because we could not sell it. The school they were zoned for before we moved back seemed okay, the children thought it was fine. We thought we would wait until the year was over before going back to the original school in our neighborhood so they would not flip flop.
My little boy who is 7 recently had problems with a reading group teacher who wanted him to be in a play. It was a big part. He is shy and I did not hear of his fear until they were into practicing. She said either do the play or get a zero. He asked if he could make up the grade. She told him to do a book report at the library (this is second grade). None of the children in the reading group were explained how to do this book report even my daughter who is in the same group told me she had to figure it our herself. My little boy did not know what to do. He was afraid to ask her again as one other time he asked for instructions she was very abrupt and did not answer him. So, I contacted his home room teacher to resolve it, as the reading teacher was not available (for personal reasons). The principal tried to arrange a meeting but again, this teacher was unavailable, and I finally received a phone call (she left a message) from her late Sunday night she was busy and could not get back to me and she would not be in for a week.
Week goes by, my little boy is okay but issue still not resolved. Top it off some kids were teasing him and told an older girl in the glass that he liked her. She sat down at lunch and told him she did not like him right to his face. Ever since, he has not been dealing with things well. He has gotten sick before school from anxiety, etc. I spoke 3 times with his home room teacher, and all she could do is say, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do, the counselor is busy today."
On top of this, my little 8 year old girl's teacher constantly gives her tardies for being 1 minute late (I go to the office to get a pass but she refuses to call them excused). We drive 40 minutes, it has been foggy and one time I had a flat tire. My husband informed the office of this.
With all of this idiocy we decided to put the kids back in the original school here by the house and as I went into the office to let them know, the counselor of the school had to meet with me, urgently. She lit into me big time, saying I coddle my son and if I kept doing so he would be come effeminate (sp?). She also said that I am teaching my daughter to be critical of her teacher by saying there is something wrong with being 1 minute late. I said there were reasons for being 1 minute late and my husband told the teacher and the office. The counselor said, "set your watch back so that will take care of it and you will be early.",
This counselor continued to say that I was not parenting my son and daughter correctly and that she was livid that I would encourage a crush that my son was only 7 and I was not being responsible. I said I did not even know about this crush and that I thought the girl was rude even saying that to his face after he never even told her it was a rumor!
I left the office feeling horrible as she indicated I was "a bad parent," I am not kidding. My band says she just was upset because we were leaving and there were issues not resolved correcdtly by her staff.
If you got this far reading this I appreciate it. Thanks for listening. But really, is my instinct right that this "counselor" was out of line, saying my son is going to be effeminate and my daughter critical? Made me feel about 2 inches tall, but I did not let her know that. Nor will I tell the children. Feedback on this would be highly appreciated. If I could I'd give you a copay for listening. Thanks in advance.
If you've been to a counselor who suggests
My husband and I are in counseling and she has never once suggested counseling, even in the beginning when I felt like you, just giving up, unloved, etc. I am amazed at how far we have come during our counseling and we're not done yet. We have 3 kids, ages 21, 18, and 9...they are the reason we went to counseling in the first place. Divorce is a horrible thing to do to children. For counseling to work, you both have to put your whole heart and soul into it. The counselor is there to do what you want and if you say you want to save your marriage, then that's what they are supposed to try to help you do. Please find another counselor and try again. It is worth saving...God bless...I'll be praying for you!
I would call the school counselor and
let them know what is going on. They can then contact the family.
First, go to Alanon. Second, maybe speak to a counselor sm
about your feelings. If he truly does change, is there anything that would make the marriage worth salvaging?
Have you spoken with a counselor, therapist, or your minister?
It would probably help if you could express your feelings out loud and get some feedback from someone who is trained to deal with emotional dilemmas like you are experiencing. I would strongly encourage it, especially since you have had thoughts of suicide.
Sometimes it takes a little while to find the right "fit" in a therapist or counselor. If the first one doesn't seem to be helping, try someone else.
I had similar feelings when my son was finishing up high school and getting ready to go on to college. The so-called "empty nest syndrome," I guess. But there are a lot of components to it. It's like redefining yourself as a person, because for so long you have been meeting everyone else's needs, and now you are starting to realize that you have needs of your own.
So what you need to figure out is what fulfills you as a person. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Literally. Five years from now, what would you like to be doing? When you figure that out, start figuring out how to make it happen.
The best of luck to you, and please feel free to email me if you like. I'm still working on some aspects of my "mid-life crisis," but I have worked through a lot of it. I would be happy to provide a sympathetic ear.
I would call the counselor out of concern for this child. nm
@
Oh, this gave me high BP!! How dare a school counselor......sm
Take it into HIS hands to pull the girl and administer any kind of test at all, he does not have the legal right. He SHOULD have quietly contacted the girl's parents, told them about the rumor, and then SHUT UP, made himself available for counseling, but leaving parenting/medical matters to the parents, where they belong. If this were my own daughter, I fear I would be so enraged by this type of arrogant, stupid, unprofessional, illegal, and disresepctul acivity that I would become a one-woman vasectomy machine, the hard way. Talk about emotional distress?? That poor young girl and her parents. I can remember my days in high school in the early-mid 70s, parents were brought in and respected. OMG, this kind of "rumor" went around every time some nasty girl had a "fight" with another girl, they would have been hiring buses to drag these girls out....truly sickening situation, I hope this young lady is okay now, and has healed emotionally from it all, and thank God it was not true at all, for her sake, poor thing!
Doesn't sound very joyful. Find someone to talk to, counselor, clergy,
xx
We seek for the truth, our own personal truth. SM
Not everyone is religious. ;)
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