Research passive-aggressive behavior. (sm)
Posted By: No Name on 2008-01-09
In Reply to: Behavior changes in husband - A little worried
Do you feel you are always at emotional crossroads and everything you decide to do together is handled like warring nations, not like loving partners?
Living with a passive-aggressive behavior spouse creates a daily emotional roller coaster. One is "stressed on an almost constant basis" and feel as if caring for an unresponsible teenager.
The passive-aggressive personality pretend not to listen, "forget on purpose," and purposefully do not complete tasks they agree to accomplish. Sullenness is also a characteristic of the behavior. The passsive-aggressive behavior can "rob" another one from a beautiful relationship. They cannot always see themselves and have a tendency to blame others (especially spouse) for their behavior. They sometimes display "revenge."
To rule out other serious medical conditions, encourage your husband to schedule an appointment with his primary care physician for "preventive care" only, letting him think nothing is wrong. The physician should order lab testing, and ask for thyroid function studies, etc.
Wishing you the best!!
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only IF the passive aggressive wants help.........
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you *sound* like a passive-aggressive
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Passive-aggressive people -
Does anyone have to deal with passive-aggressive people in their lives, and how do you do it? Quick example of my sister:
Sister calls many times a day with histrionics asking for advice.
I give my advice, sister does the opposite.
Things do not work out.
Sister blames me for things not working out as I was not supportive enough.
That is my vicious circle that I deal with all the time and want to stop. Am thinking of "breaking up" with my sister, but that seems extreme. Any ideas?
That's a lil too passive-aggressive in this case
Seems like the 2 of you have a great friendship and enjoy one another's company. I'm more inclined with Robin's advice. I'm so flipping busy. Between working 10-14 hours a day, spending time with my husband, trying to find 'me' time to relax and unwind, I'm a total slacker when it comes to returning calls or initiating get-togethers. I'm pretty decent about checking my email, but only because I spend so much time in front of the computer working anyway. I always kind of figure everyone I care about who cares about me know where I am and how to reach me. I realize this probably makes me a total social retard but I just seriously rarely think to pick up the phone and call someone.
I'd keep going with things as they are. Maybe when it's just the two of you having lunch or something, you can talk to her more about the situation and make sure you don't feel like you're intruding on her time or anything.
You don't have clue what passive-aggressive even means...
although I feel certain you should know what nutjob means. I should have known you can't talk to someone who uses words like "ur" and "u" rather than taking the time to use words. How old are you? 12? Cya. I am going where I can have conversations with adults or at least mature 12-year-olds.
I think what a passive/aggressive manipulative jerk!.
x
Passive-aggressives
As with good sound advice that gets no one in trouble, is to tell her she needs to empower herself. She and she alone is the director of her life, and must take responsibility for decisions she makes. Treating yourself well means weighing out options, considering the repercussions of your decisions, and taking RESPONSILBITY for your decisions. There's real power in that. No one is responsible but ourselves for our decisions, and their results.
she may have a passive personality, is all.
nm
What got into you? Why so aggressive? Watch your language...nm
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The passive aggression on here is mind boggling. nm
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it was allowed because its passive (unlike alcohol) and
nm
Well, my significant other and I went away today and I was driving. Now he is a very aggressive
driver and I am much more cautious so it did not go well. I just dont pass everything in site with one foot on the gas and one on the brake. What a pain to have a passenger like that in the car telling you this and that and I would have been way up there by nowetc. Not much fun. I dont like to drive by the seat of my pants.
Actually, was thinkin with aggressive scratching wood ones
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Dear Owners of Aggressive Pit Bull:
I've already called animal control on you once and reported him for cornering, and then trying to bite me.
Well guess what. I bought mace. Not the wimpy dog-park spray, either. This is law-enforcement grade. It's the real deal.
The next time that sorry, un-neutered son-of-a-biotch comes anywhere near me, he's getting not just a warning squirt, he's getting the entire bottle in his face, maybe enough to close up his throat and kill him. I sure hope it does.
The Aggressive Black Shoe for Spring
The description tickled me! 
That's a good idea - something productively aggressive LOL - My stressor is (sm)
My "dad" is being sent home from the hospital to live with me. He has nowhere else to go. He is actually my stepdad. I think highly enough of him to help him out when he needs it, not let him live on the street or do without anything, but now it seems I am going to have to take care of im physically for several months while we are on a waiting list for an assisted living facility. He can barely walk and cannot tend to his lower hygiene needs. He and my mother were married from the time I was 3 until 8. He was very mean to us during that time. My mom divorced him, but he had adopted us and given us his last name. He got visitation rights once a month, and was very nice during that time, paid child support for a while but then in my teen years stopped paying it. Later I heard from him about once a year from the time I was about 21 to 39. He lived with my brother (his biological son) for a while when he was healthy. Now that he is ill they have shipped him three states up to me. I have two little children at home, a marriage that is on the rocks, and I work full-time. I also have some health problems of my own. Right now I am having extremely bad PMS and tomorrow morning I have to bring him home to my house. In addition, he curses all the time and is very loud and annoying, and I don't have a bedroom for him, so one of my kids is going to have to give up their room. Whew!! I feel better just spitting it all out!!
I guess Walter is pretty passive compared to your guy! Gets you going though, doesn't it? nm
It seems to me the key here is whether this behavior sm
is a change from his previous actions, or whether he was always like this and is getting worse. If the latter, your marriage doesn't sound like it's worth working on, not just because of his behavior (which would be repulsive to me), but because you obviously don't have any positive feelings for him anymore. As a member of a strong Christian church which also advocates that the man is the head of the family, this kind of behavior would be completely unacceptable. Men are to treat their wives with respect and understanding.
If it is a change from his behavior when you were first married, he may have a serious medical or emotional problem. If so, and he doesn't get help, things may just get worse. Good luck to you.
Odd cat behavior
Does anyone know why my female cat would meow/cry loudly almost as if in distress when I use the oven? It's really starting to freak me out, like maybe it is going to blow up or something and she's trying to warn me. It seems to be working fine as far as I can tell and this has been going on a while now. Any ideas?
Bad Behavior
Apparently it was Megan's brother who was heckling Kara the night before and yelled out "broken record". Kara went up to him after and confronted him two different times. Megan seemed to get a big ego rather quickly. I think her mood came down to a screeching hault when Simon said they weren't even going to bother letting her sing again. Someday she is going to look back and cringe at that spectacle
Bad behavior............. sm
It has been said that people will treat us as badly as we allow them. Don't believe yourself to be unworthy of good treatment because that would only set the relationship up for more bad or possibly worse treatment in the future. Hold out for someone who treats you well and treasures the opportunity to be in your company. He is out there and he is the one who is worthy of your time.
From the behavior you describe... sm
And the fact that you said he's old, it sounds to me like this guy is senile or has other mental problems going on. BUT, I think it would be a mistake to assume he isn't dangerous just because he's a little old guy who seems a little off. I also think you should notify the local police about him. He might be a danger to himself, if not others. If nothing else, he's a nuisance and should be reported.
I'm also someone who has all doors and windows locked at all times, and I don't open the door to strangers. Sometimes I do feel like I'm a little bit paranoid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also have the car doors locked when I'm driving anywhere.
I'm amazed that anyone leaves doors and/or windows unlocked, but I know it happens. My mother-in-law and father-in-law, for example? OMG. They never lock their doors! They live in a small mobile home park for seniors, in a small-ish town, and my MIL feels like it's safe. What really kills me is, she doesn't lock their doors at night, and she takes out her hearing aids to sleep, so she wouldn't even hear anything if someone did come in their home at night! She says "Oh we have great neighbors. Everyone watches out for each other." What?! Crazy. And this is a woman who loves to read true crime novels and watches court TV and knows about the things that can happen. She worked as a legal secretary for decades and is very intelligent in all areas but this one. I just can't understand it. They don't live near us, but when we go to visit, I go around and lock all the doors at night. Otherwise, I'd never get to sleep!
As a side note, there is an excellent book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin DeBecker. I highly, highly recommend it to all women. Get a copy today! I also like a show on the Discovery Channel called 'It Takes a Thief.' It's very enlightening about just how easy it is for criminals to break into most homes.
That's my 2 cents. Stay safe, ladies! :o)
And again, she cannot change his behavior, only hers
will not back down on that one. Lots of reason for divorce. Staying because of the children is an absolute wrong way to work at a marriage. She finds him disgusting, surely the children notice or they will when they age a little. I would not care if I had 10 children hanging onto my apron strings, would not want to stay somewhere that I am so unhappy I ask outsiders what they would do. My mother divorced in a time when no parents divorcing, believe it or not, and when I went to elementary school I was asked why no daddy. I turned out well, felt it had no adverse effect on me. Saw him, didn’t see him, ?? Really loved my stepmom though. He did do a good thing right in his life by bringing her into it.
There is also the behavior issue of (sm)
submissive piddling.
You can buy something called a Belly Band for him to wear in the house. If he dribbles with it on, he gets himself wet, so this can teach him not to let that happen. I've just heard that not all pet stores call it a Belly Band or know what that is, but you can Google something like house training, canine belly band, and you can read about it and maybe order on line.
Corgis are so cute. You can post pictures here on the gab board.
Behavior changes in husband
I have searched the internet for some clues to what is described below but not even sure what key words to enter in a search.
Anyway, husband is 46 and exceedingly fit and athletic his whole life. Behaviorally and genetically he is prone to accentuated mood highs and lows, not quite bipolar probably but close. Runs heavily in his family. He tends toward aggression, bullying and denial at times. Childish at times, even naive, very literal even though highly educated. All the above has been increased by about double (particularly the childishness in behavior and decision-making) in the past year and it is nearly intolerable. He often doesn't process what I say or else is just not listening to me. I have to repeat things over and over and worst of all, he makes poor decisions about things and I often feel like I'm living with an 8-year-old. I am stressed on an almost constant basis. Alzheimer's came to mind but couldn't find anything that really fit in looking at symptoms. Is there the possibility of mental illness manifesting itself at this age?
behavior problems
We have had and still have behavior problems with our son and he is ADHD, have you had your child tested? He also has ODD, which stands for oppisitional definance disorder. He sees a therapist on a regular basis and it has helped tremendously with his behavior.Your school psychologist is not very good or qualified if he has not referred you to any outside help. Your pediatrician should be able to help you out and point you in the right direction.
Terrier behavior sm
We had a part terrier (not pit bull) who destroyed everything in sight when we left her, sailed over a 6-foot fence, took clothes and glasses and buried them in the ground, etc. She literally was a "goat" and the payoff was when she ate the living room couch when I had 20 people coming over and it was Christmas Eve. When I called the shelter they told me that if I brought her there and she did that with someone else, they would have kept bringing her back and she would eventually be euthanized. Sixteen years and a lot of furniture later, she finally died of old age. When she was 10, she began to get a little better, but we put up with an awful lot. I have talked to others who have had "terrier" type dogs who did crazy things when left alone. I don't think the dog will change, but good luck. I have Uncle Matty videos, green apple spray (she liked it) and tons of self-help books for owners of dogs as mentioned. All I can say is good luck, you have to have patience, common sense and a sense of humor. I hope there's a reward somewhere for what we put up with as animal lovers but I did not have the heart to see this crazy, one-black eyed dog being put down, so I kept her and kept trying. She ate the shingles off the house, a brand new shed, a few couches, some kitchen cabinets, and the list goes on......it's true. Animal Lover here! You could buy a kong at the pet store and put peanut butter in it (or several) to keep the dog busy for awhile, but when that's empty, expect the next best thing to disappear.
Kids behavior
How a child acts at home is not an indicator of how he/she acts when away from home and parents, no matter what is taught in the home. It is always good to get the whole scoop from others who were there exactly what happened before you go off on anybody. It just could be that the other mom is sitting there angry because of what your child might have done to her child that she might have felt the need to defend herself against. I learned this from experience. I thought I had the perfect angel also, raised with good morals, two-parent home, involved in church, no bad behavior at home, but found out I was dead wrong when watching a video from the school (also a private grade school). Just something to think about.
need some insight into son's behavior
I wonder if anybody has any insight into my son's behavior and performance in school. His dad and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we have also left him alone and have given him space regarding his grades. Neither causes any change. He just keeps telling us he doesn't care about high school and that it does not matter. He has no respect for the teachers (not many of them take teaching very seriously, in all honesty, so I can't much blame him for that) and he doesn't feel like he should try since they don't.
This is a kid who scores in the 98 to 99th percentile on standardized testing. He is SO smart, friendly, outgoing, quick-witted, and for the most part respectful. He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He plays guitar in the praise band at church. He is a good kid, but he just refuses to do his school work.
This has been a struggle for the past 4 years of high school. He is supposed to graduate in May, but the last 9 weeks report card came today and he got 2 F's, a D and a C. The 2 F's were gimme classes, believe it or not. If he doesn't bring those up to average a passing grade he won't graduate. It makes me sad, confused, frustrated beyond belief, worried, just to name a few emotions.
He says he thinks he has ADD but I think he just WANTS to have it so he can have a pass, so to speak. I think it could be some deeper problem, like our family dynamics, playing a role. Does anybody have any ideas on how this boy can be inspired to rise to meet even the smallest challenge?
Regardless of her ridiculous behavior,
she sang horribly & was annoying to watch perform. No great loss...
And her behavior is just despicable, you are right
to be angry.
Who needs 'friends' like that?
Dump her!
Is this new behavior or just increased lately? sm
If it is not new, then I agree with the posters below. However, if this is something new, see if there are any changes in his diet or medications if he is on any. I've posted about this before, but my son (who will be 8 in a couple of weeks) went from a typical 7-year-old to an out-and-out tyrant when he was placed on Singulair for asthma. Everything was an argument, even things he normally liked, and if he did not get his way, watch out. He had nightmares and barely slept, was hearing voices, and told me several times he wished he had never been born. I cried every day and was 1 day away from an appointment with a behavior specialist when we figured out it was the medication causing the problem. We still say he should be a lawyer when he grows up because he is always trying to figure out loopholes in the rules, but overall he is a good kid who is now happy without any of the issues he had while on Singulair.
do all the research you can
to ask questions. i have not been through this but have had experiences with doctors and know you should ASK QUESTIONS. do not assume their way is the best way. also, if you do research on herbals and decide to take any of that, BE SURE TO TELL the oncologist because those can interact with other medications they give you. they need to know. get a second opinion. i think when people are scared about what could happen, they just assume the doctor is always right. you won't find out about what kind of treatment is available to you until you find out what stage you are in. i'm with the other poster, hopefully they have caught it in time. you will be in my prayers tonight. keep your chin up and ASK ASK ASK ASK. let us know how it goes for you. :)
Do your own research then - just like I did.
I was having numbness in the heel of my right hand. I heard that it probably wasn't true carpal tunnel, and that it was probably just nerve irritation from setting the heels of my hands down. I heard that SoftFlex gloves were made to protect the median nerve from exactly that. So I got some and started wearing them. Within DAYS the feeling was GONE. So now I'm a believer that it is worthwhile for any keyboarder/mouse user to simply try protecting the nerve from pressure. SoftFlex gloves are a convenient and inexpensive way to experiment on yourself instead of experimenting with surgery. Are you aware that surgery often fails to help people?
Obviously you have not done your own research :)
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what research did you do - you just said
Geesh - this is what we call *double-speak* - the ca-ca is coming out of both sides of your mouth............
PLEASE research before you do it as the others said. sm
do a lot of research yourself on post tubal ligation syndrome! docs don't have a clue. here is one good site....http://www.tubal-reversal.net/post_tubal_ligation_syndrome.htm
if you decide to go forth with it, i had it done 7 years ago. my abdominal muscles were sore for 2-3 days but other than that no real pain immediately afterwards. it didn't keep me from working since i sit to work, lol. but the problems since the tubal, i would never ever recommend anyone getting a tubal. the list never ends and is as most say you eventually end up with hysterectomy and/or other surgeries due to the complications brought on by tubal. how about finding you a fertility monitor? you could tell when you were ovulating and know when you needed to be safe or avoid. i know it doesn't fix it long term, but i wouldn't encourage anyone to have a tubal after my experience and others i know.
From the research I did,
this is what you should expect from a good chiropractor. The suspect ones tend to want to you sign complex contracts for extended courses of treatment, but typically patients only need 6-8 weeks of treatment, similar to the plan given to Misty. If friends or neighbors have been to any, see who they recommend.
She really needs to research before she
makes a blanket statement about southerns and their "cultural" things. If I do not have all my facts, I keep my mouth shut. She should do the same.
Research before doing anything ... sm
Been there, done that. There's really no good answer. With kids, father's rights prevail. Rock solid proof of abuse of the kids doesn't always override his rights depending on the judge/location and how well his atty uses "parental alienation syndrome" against you. Emotional support and some tips are available at Kourtsforkids.com, battered women's custody conference, etc. Feel free to e-mail me off board if you would like. Be sure to ref MTStars board on subject line so I don't delete it.
while you research what you want to do.
x
Do your research
Plese do you research before moving to Florida, climate is nice and it is a nice place to live but very expensive. My house insurance alone was costing me 300 a month, on top of the house payment, because of the hurricaines and a lot of insurance companies were pulling out and not even writing new policies. If you are renting, it is still expensive but not quite as bad. The car insurance is also about twice what it is in the central US. I lived there for about 20 years and left 2 years ago because I wsa single with 1 child and it was too expensive.
Research
I think one would really have to research this to get a decent handle on it.
I believe some have said that global warming will actually end up causing an ice age ... all that cause and effect stuff can seem so nonsensical sometimes.
Even if it is happening on its own, I'm sure what we do affects our planet. How can it not? Everything has consequence.
It seems that it is better to do what is positive for the environment regardless of if it would prevent abnormal global warming or not. Why not err on the side of caution?
For those of you who read the bible (and take it literally) ... I think people made fun of Noah when he built the ark, too.
Do some research.
Check monster jobs, career builder, and some other local hospitals in your state to see what kind of salary the position might make. If you really don't mind and don't want to go too high, just have a number a little lower than that and ask. It sounds like you probably already had your yearly review which would have been the perfect time to ask but you could request a 6-month review after you have had these new responsibilities. I have done that before. Maybe the next time she comes up with something to you or asks about one of the new tasks, request a 3 or 6-month review with her to discuss your added responsibilities. That way it might come off more as you want to make sure you are doing things accurately and completely and can ask for the increase at that time. If they won't do pay increase, or you don't want that, maybe ask for additional PTO, internet reimbursement or something of that nature that might be related to the new responsibilities. The worst they can say is no and you say "ok" and keep doing what you are doing.
Research much?
You are a moron
Perhaps you need to do some research
homosexuality is not a choice. Do you actually think people would choose such a hard life? You can pray all you want that my child never tells me he/she is gay as I just want them happy and would accept and love them no matter what. Now you on the other hand, gave your answer - you would tell them it is unacceptable and then no harping, no nagging, no bringing it up ove and over again because you probably would disown them.
Do your research.
The tax tables change all the time, but you can make changes in your withholding at any time. But, you need to know what you usually owe to the government at the end of the year. Most people never question this and simply fill out their withholding forms based on who lives in their house. Married with two children, then check that off, and the government settles up with you at the end of the year. Doing that, most people get a refund.
I am married and we have two dependents, but my withholding is filed as single with 0 deductions. We do this because my husband is self-employed and pays quarterly estimates. With his business, we can't always project a full year out what our tax bill will be at the end of the year, so throughout the year, he will adjust what he pays into the estimates, which is much easier to do than for me to go back to my employer and re-file every 3 months. So, I pay the higher percentage of tax from my paycheck so that we never get into a position where we owe a lot of money to Uncle Sam.
Sit down and figure out what you generally owe to the government. Just get out copies of your old returns for the last few years. Unless you had an unusual year along the way, you should have a good idea what you will owe at the end of the year. Then figure out what is being withheld from yours and your husband's paychecks. It's likely that you can increase your deductions and get more money in your paycheck each week and not owe Uncle Sam next April. You can will out that W-4 any way you want. There have been times that I've listed my withholding as married with 10 deductions.
My husband has been sending his clients to this website recently. You might find it helpful in calculating what your withholding should be.
http://www.irs.ustreas.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=96196,00.html
Your boss probably isn't out to rip you off. But she probably just doesn't understand this. Don't rely on her for your information. Find out for yourself.
Do some research.
OMG - that is eerily similar to my cat's behavior
although he always drank out of the sink - he has pretty much begun living in the bathroom and yelling. I keep going in to see if the faucet is dripping (yes I have to leave a faucet dripping) and it is. He is more loving and requires more attention. When my daughter goes in to take a shower he yells outside the door like he is dying. I will say that I know that crystals forming sometimes indicates antifreeze ingestion - but there is no way your cat could have survived that. Thanks for the info. Maybe there is hope. He is eating now - with some coaxing.
No, but change in behavior might cause me to look for MySpace or other
s
Sweet. Very kittenish behavior.
Bet he'd have drooled on her if she'd have scratched his head. But the love bites might have hurt, LOL.
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