Relationships - new type of topic
Posted By: I've gotta me me on 2009-03-25
In Reply to:
I'm reading through all the posts below (where did you meet your spouse, what was your first meal, etc). I'm wondering how many of you out there would be perfectly happy living by yourself. I absolutely hate those dating commercials (eharmony, etc). Why does society try to make us feel that we have to have that "someone special" in our lives or we are nothing. A lot of times that "someone special" turns out to be "nobody special" but you don't find that out until your married and its too late. HA HA
I have always believed that before planning your life with someone you should first be true to yourself. Get to know yourself. What is is you want out of life. Can you achieve that goal on your own. I always have felt I did not enter with world with a man attached to my side and I won't be leaving this world with one attached to my side either. I'm am me, I'm a whole person. I have interests, thoughts, and beliefs, that are not always the same as my "other halfs". I am married right now, but to tell the truth I would be perfectly happy living on my own also. I've got lots of family and friends to do activities with, so there is not an issue of ever being lonely. You can be alone without being lonely.
Just wonder how many people are so attached to their spouse they feel life would not be worth anything if they were without them and if so why.
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sometimes in couple relationships
one couple is the _leader_ couple and the other is the _follower_ couple. It may just be that after a period of time, this couple is feeling that they want to spread their wings a bit and establish their own traditions...and just don't know how to communicate that to you without hurting your feelings (which hurts because of the noncommunication and you are left to wonder what is going on!).
You have extended your offer for your New Year's party. Maybe pick a time when you know that no one will be home at your neighbors and call to leave a casual message that even if they have something else planned, they are welcome to drop in for whatever time they could spend so you and yours can wish them a happy start to the new year. Otherwise, I would just let things play out. When the time is right to talk about what is going on, you and the other family will know it. Try to keep an open mind and a good relationship.
Just think of how many of them are unhappy in relationships though,
their spouse or SO for someone they co-star with. Im just thinking it takes a very strong person to see or think about the one you love kissing and becoming intimate with someone else, even if it is "pretend", and then to have them say they liked it"? Give me a break, that would be insulting to the spouse or SO - IMO.
I know I could not do it, and I am not usually a jealous person.
For those of us in bad relationships - some info (sm)
This is my marriage in a nutshell...it explains so much!! I found it while looking up some of the abuse cycle info suggested by other posters..thank you
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Simplified
It looks like this... Your partner treats you and perhaps your children different in private than in public. In public he may ignore you giving all of his attention to others, or pretend to be the perfect husband or father, while in private he may be sarcastic, haughty and insulting. He may put down his friends to you (behind their back). He may have a very inflated sense of entitlement and ego, thinking he deserves things that he hasn’t worked for or earned and he may lie and manipulate people for attention, acting a bit too good to be true. This can fool people and so few will believe how he talks to his family in private (I say ‘he’, because the majority of NPD sufferers are men). He may also show little or no regard for your well being or your feelings.
That’s not all...
He may lie about you or paint a bad picture of you to gain sympathy from others and to justify his own bad behaviour. You may not know all of the lies he is telling you and telling others about you...
The recommendations I have to offer are relevant whether you know that your partner has NPD or not. They are steps for anyone living with marital abuse. They are aimed at protecting you while giving your marriage the best chance of healing. They are steps recommended by people who work in the front line with these issues everyday.
Not all people with NPD are physically abusive, but it is a significant indicator. The physical abuse is not always perpetrated by the person with NPD either. It is normal to become very angry with someone who manipulates you and puts you down. It is normal after years of this treatment to even want to kill them or wish them dead. This is one reason why knowing how to get help and support is so important.
Men and Women- Relationships
I have heard people call their husbands or wives stupid. I am just curious. Do you believe there is really a dialogue between the genders. Do you respect your mate and vice versa.
I was watching Mad Men and the whole relationship between men & women in the 1950ies was very different. Men treated women as if they were children. They were petted and coddled, but these woman had no power, no sense of responsibility.
My husband is my partner. We make decisions that effect us jointly, together. I have my own bank acct. and he does too. We try not to have secrets. Most importantly- I am an individual in this marriage and so is he. If I didn't feel that way, I'd walk.
Platonic Relationships
Can an unmarried heterosexual man and woman have a very close friendship and it remain platonic?
Since we are talking relationships on this board ---
How long is too long to wait on somebody?
I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years now - 5 really serious, living together. Even though most of the time I am miserable, most of the time, I just keep on staying because "I love him" and he will "grow up" in time.
He does not want to get married right now, even though "one day" I am who he plans to marry... he stays out with the guys all the time (6 days out of 7), not coming home lots of nights because he had too much to drink or he just lost track of time and then fell asleep (and yes, I believe him as to the whys)....
But I am tired of being alone all the time... I am tired of being responsible for holding the relationship together. When I tell him it has to stop and he has to pay more attention to the relationship if he wants it to work, he always responds he is working on it but that it takes a while to change habits.
My problem is a couple of years ago I met a very nice man who could take care of me easily... and has offered to do so many times. He is now ready for a relationship and not just a friendship with me (which is all it has been). I know that I don't love him, don't know if I ever will love him, but I also know that right now, love is not doing too much for me except causing heartache and tears on a daily basis...
So, again, how long is too long to wait on the person you love to grow up?
I prefer superficial relationships
I find that the only people I like are the ones I don't know very well. So I try to like everyone I meet, and just keep it light.
Great advice from Madea on relationships sm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqDU6CPwy6Q
If you have ever been lonely, or in a bad relationship, this is for you!!!
Type 1 requires insulin, type 2 does not - sm
that is the basic difference. Type 2 can be controlled by diet changes and/or medication (pills). My MIL has type 2 which runs in her family, no one is obese either. She controls it with diet and medication. Your dermatologist I think is wrong. Doesn't your husband know which type he has?
Okay, a bit off topic but here goes
So many women talk about the bonding that happens when you breast feed that does not happen if you don't. Now it seem to be okay to let someone else breastfeed your child if for some reason you can't. Where does the bonding come in? Who is the child bonding with? For me I breast fed the first child but did not the second. Who am I closer to? Couldn't tell you!
A little off topic, but
I was out to lunch one day with my DH and on my way home I came upon a crash that had just happened at an intersection...one of the drivers was a young girl (she happened to go to the same HS as my DD). The other driver was a 30-something mother of 2 or 3. The young girl had run a red light and T-boned the other car. The mother was instantly killed in the crash, with 2 of her children in the car with her. When the teen girl got out of her car...yep, she was on the phone...! And obviously she was not calling 911! So sad...my DD said this girl went off the wall after this accident.
Not a funny topic at all.
I agree, i hadn't been reading all the posts (although i did now) and i think that it isn't a funny topic at all. My son is 6 and by this age they have discovered what their private parts are and they get aroused and i just think it's sick. Have you ever heard of Oedipus complexes? It's where the children become attracted to their parent! This can happen and it's not healthy and i just think (VERY PERSONAL OPINION AND NOTHING MORE!) that you're putting your child at the risk of developing some sort of issues. I 100% agree with Breastfeeding, i did for a little over a year. But at some point you have to disattach yourself from your child and let them grow up on their own in some areas and by treating them like a baby does not help them mature and go out on their own any. This was my 2 cents as well and nothing more, i just found it disturbing.
This is very interesting on this topic
http://www.jugglezine.com/CDA/juggle/0,1516,30,00.html
ongoing topic
I live in Florida and this is an ongoing topic on forums of local newspapers. We have a large Hispanic population here and while many of them speak English, many of them do not. If you go to Wal-Mart here, all of the signs are in English and Spanish. Many of the food products are in both languages. I actually know a couple through a family member who moved here from Cuba, must have been 35 years ago now, when Castro took their farm. The wife speaks virtually no English. She worked for Disney in housekeeping or something and retired from there. Even Disney didn't seem to care if their staff learns English.
I worked at a bank prior to becoming an MT. I had about 4 bilingual coworkers and we needed them. We had numerous customers who came in to cash checks or even had accounts there and didn't speak any English. I taught myself enough Spanish independently on the Internet and through books to be able to serve their needs. Now let me ask you, if I can manage that why can't they?
I don't think it's being racist or having a bad day. We all have to listen to ESL doctors who are practically incomprehensible. I wonder sometimes how in the world they passed the equivalency exams. I also know as doctors they can certainly afford a few diction classes but they don't bother. Meanwhile, we can't understand them, I don't know how their colleagues understand them, nurses probably have a hard time understanding them and many of these doctors are administering to elderly patients who don't hear as well. God only knows how they understand them.
English is the accepted universal language in the business world which is why people in other countries learn English. If you are going to do business in a predominantly English-speaking country then learn the language.
Good topic...
I am making my shopping list around coupons, buying more store brand items, cooking at home a lot more, and just generally hanging out at the house on the weekends cause we can't afford to do anything else. I cringe when I have to go somewhere in my car cause I don't wanna burn my gas. Thank goodness I can work at home, my son rides the bus to school, and my daughter drives but it's only less than a mile away.
Good topic- sm
In my lifetime I have had a Pembroke Welsh Corgi (best cow dog EVER), purebred ChowChow (real sweetie) two giant mutts (brothers), they were some kind of lab/shepherd mix. Both of them were with us for almost 17 years.
Also had an Irish Setter and this dog was a nut.
When my son was very small and we lived out in the country, he would todder down our long driveway. The dog would follow him and keep a watchful eye.
If the dog thought my son was getting too far from the house, he would gently knock him over and bark at us.
Pretty soon, baby boy would get up and head further down the driveway. After a few feet, the dog would again knock him over and bark at us.
This would go on a few more times until finally the dog would knock him over and just lay on top of my son and start howling like crazy... "COME GET THE KID!"
We had it on video but I don't know what ever happened to it.
That is a topic to just get me going today.
Ex-Idiot#1:
He got remarried to Satan's daughter (actually she is 12 years older, she might be Satan's sister). She beat my children and he allowed it so they deserve eachother.
Ex-Idiot#2:
He used to beat me. He took my son from me at 5 months old to travel the country in an 18-wheeler so that I couldn't find him. I did find him and got him back. Now he remarried. Thing is, the woman grew a brain cell. She booted him with nothing. He deserved what he got for what he has done to so many women over the years. I haven't heard from him in years, which is probably a good thing.
I told Satan's daughter to say hello for me when she visits Idiot#2 at her "brother's house".
Let's get back on topic, please.
This isn't a discussion about statistics.
Ahh a tricky topic...let me tell you the one about.....
Hex nut in the urethra man. Yeppir, AND he was a repeat offender, having been brought in for numerous urethral extractions..... his hex nut being his best.
Then there was toothbrush swallowing guy. (really!) You would think the curve of the toothbrush would prohibit swallowing. This guy was also a repeat offender. Lightbulbs, toothbrushes, razor blades, whatever ya got!
I love these guys. 
Off topic - mac and cheese
I must be living under a rock, but I was watching the Food Network, and they were talking about restaurants that serve mac and cheese pizza. I might have to try it, it sounded pretty good, but I can't think of anything more fattening - unless you add bacon to it.
Topic of conversation here lately
I was talking about the wages being offered now for MTers and no raises, pay going down and the like just the other night. I said pretty soon looks like the MTSOs will be charging just to have the people working. I am so very glad that most of my working in years past because like the previous person said, I also did around 60,000 years ago and now more in the 20,000. My husband said this can only happen if MTers allowed it to happen. I am not caught up in this hot mess like I would have been years ago but I understand what it is like to try to raise a family and yet the money might not be there. I don’t know what it will take but the workers here 1 day will have to do something about how this profession is heading
On the topic of consumer reviews :)
I generally have had very little luck finding a really comfortable bra. I am big busted and use underwires (yuck). Anybody care to share what their favorite brand of bra is as far as comfort for us more well-endowed women?
coming in late on this topic
I'm the grandma who has custody of grandchild. My custody papers allow 2 visits a months with the parents and more "as agreed to by both parties," but all are supervised and no overnight visits. I will not allow either parent into my home, so we were meeting at a fast food place with an indoor playground.
Because of suspected (and now admitted) drug use, I suspended visits until a clean drug test could be produced. In a few weeks, it will be a year. I talked to my lawyer about this before I suspended visits. I could not withhold visits due to failure to pay CS. I could be held in contempt of court and go to jail. However, since no judge is going to say it's okay for a parent on drugs to visit with the child, that is a different matter. In only 6 months, the parents are behind by $6k...I'll never see any of it.
My attorney told me the only way to withhold visits is if there is a situation that would place the child at risk - child abuse, parental drug abuse, sexual abuse, etc., otherwise you have to follow the court order or go back to court and ask the judge to revise the order with documentation of the reason for the request.
The noncustodial party can always go to court and ask for a revision of vistation as well to get more liberal visits.
OK. This is weird and maybe should be under the Confessions topic.
But I love the Godfather. I mean, I really LOVE that movie and Godfather II. I've watched those two movies a zillion times, director's cut, saga, DVD extras, you name it. (Not so fond of part III.) I'm not sure why I love it so much. Maybe my upbringing? I wasn't raised by mobsters, but I was surely raised in an Italian household. (I don't need the subtitles to know what's being said in Sicilian/Italian.) I like the complex theme, seeing Michael Corleone go from a righteous good guy to a powerful mob boss, twisting the admirable quality of protecting family into the distorted mess that brings him to his ultimate realization of his own guilt.
When I have I have the time, I get out some nice primitivo, some good cheese, lovely chewy bread and roasted peppers and watch those movies.
I wanted more info as well on this topic (sm)
so I Googled "delawing pros and cons" and then also tried "declawing video". I must say, after looking at both sides and hearing about postop complications, if I were in your shoes I would find an alternative to it, especially if its an older cat. Apparently the practice has been banned in California. Very enlightening stuff out there on the net about it.
This is a hard topic for me - I see both sides (sm)
I have had prayers answered, but I have seen such suffering too and I know those people have cried out for help. You can always ask, but you never know if it is going to be God's will to solve the problem for you or not. I don't see how you can have blind faith that your problem will be solved when not all problems that are prayed about are solved.
hey gourdpainter, i know this is off the topic of your post but
i think gourds and painting them are so cool. My husband has a big garden, and he usually plants some gourds. The only thing I've done with them is let them dry and keep them around for a while. It would be so cool to be able to paint them if I had the time and talent.
Discussion topic today
How on earth did you get custody of your deceased ex's cremated remains? Did you divorce him after he died? LOL
A twist off topic, but that's the opposite of my MIL
She wouldn't return anything, and expects no one else to, EVER. She cuts all the tags off and then claims to have forgotten where she bought things. She has even gone so far as to cut the size tags out of gifts. She once whispered to my husband, "I had to buy her an extra large, so I cut the tag out. I didn't want to embarrass her." That was for a robe she bought me when I was pregnant. Believe me, I knew what size I was! I hate to have her spend money that goes to waste on things that just don't fit, for example. Those could be simple returns, but she won't give gift receipts or even say which store she bought the gift at. I've given up. I appreciate the thought of the gift, but if something doesn't fit, I just donate it to the next clothing drive that passes by. Someone will use it.
Probably because it was a valid discussion topic below.nm
x
it was about her shoes - not a political topic
I would just ignore it. Started off about fashion. You can't control what people are going to write about a certain topic. Sometimes the two can blend together. Since we're not talking bout the O I would just ignore it and write another post about something else.
Travel Agent... off original topic
Always looking for a new career away from MT...Since your DH is travel agent, would you recommend it? Can you make a good living at it? How to get started? Have thought of this in the past, but never really knew how to go about it. My DH and I love to travel and he will be retired in a few years, so a career change may do us both good. Thanks for any info. 
Dr. Phil DID cover this very topic a few months ago...
and there was a guy who supposedly went to Africa and needed all this money to eat, get out of prison, get home to see this woman he was chatting with and told he loved so much. She fell for the whole thing until Dr. Phil exposed the whole story on his show and had other women there who had also fallen for this guy and sent him money. I don't know if you can get a DVD of the show or not, but it might be worth it to try.
I didn't realize I started the same as the topic below - nm
haha
What a great topic! I just received an invitation that
stated "Regrets - and the phone number," so I assumed I did not have to call if I was coming. Thanks to all for putting me in my proper place and I will call tomorrow (because it is Easter today) and just confirm that I am attending. I had never received an invitation like that, so I am so happy I have you all to make sure my manners are in the right place!!!
Thanks and hugs!
Ok ladies..off work topic..need a recipe!
I have been looking all over the web this morning for a hashbrown casserole recipe and cannot find what I'm looking for. I can find 1001 recipes for a cheesy hashbrown casserole, but the one im looking for is not a cheese based sauce, it's one using cream of mushroom soup. It has no cheese sauce or shredded cheese in it. Im sure it's a simple enough combination of the crm mushroom soup and maybe some sour cream or something but I'd rather have a recipe to go by. Anybody got one? Thanks! :)
New Topic . . Casey Anthony, did she or didn't she?
I think most people to believe she killed her adorable little girl, Caylee. What do you think?
I believe the Purina website has info on that topic. SM
Something about keeping them in separate rooms for a while, but rubbing each cat with a sock and putting that in same room, so other cat will get used to scent.
Kinda off topic here, but I hate it when a husband is suggested
I never babysitted by own child, I took care of her, by myself at that, but that is another story for another time. Just wanted to share that babysitting thing!!!
And also, most men are not nurturers (sp), we know this as mothers, but yes they can and should participate in child rearing as they helped created this human being.
This is a hot topic and I need some opinoins. I have asthma and the lady downstairs..sm
in the apartment below me must smoke 4 packs a day. She never leaves the house and she just closets herself inside smoking all day long until about 2 a.m. and then sleeps late. I can SMELL the minute she wakes up. I KNOW this is second hand smoke and I have been hospitalized three times in the last two years with bronchitis. I really cant afford to move. I have complained to the apartment manager about it and she basically said there is nothing she can do. I have canvassed the apartment and have blocked up every hole I can that this might be seeping through. Now that the colder weather is here, the windows are closed and it is even worse. I need bigger balls to deal with this and the DH is no help at all because "it doesn't bother him" but I feel that because my asthma is so bad and I am living with this in my home that he should step up with me on this issue. I have lived above this lady for 3 years and I am through. This lady knows my problem, I have THREE hepa filters running in my house and have given her a $500.00 ionic breeze quadra professional unit for her living room. Any good words?
No, Robin...You're the VOICE OF REASON on this topic and
And you're saving me the trouble of posting since you're beating me to it.
Keep posting and keep the reality checks coming, please!!!
Maybe I should have worded the topic differently, like Demand stricter laws for sex offenders...
I am sorry if the wording of the topic offended anyone. I was rushed but wanted to type up something to get the word out about what I had seen on the Oprah show, and that was the first thing I thought of. But the main goal of my post was to get people to demand harsher laws for sex offenders and to make the laws more uniform from state to state so they cannot "hide out" in states with more lenient laws.
My 15-yo son shops on line at Old Navy and Hot Topic, shoes.com. And he's cool. As for haircut.
I would type
MEDICATIONS: Zocor and Ambien.
OR
MEDICATIONS
1. Zocor
2. Ambien
And
DIAGNOSES: Hypertension and chronic heart failure.
OR
DIAGNOSES
1. Hypertension.
2. Chronic heart failure.
Depending on which looked better in relation to the rest of the report. But that's just me. :-)
Not my type either..
I do like the scruffier male type image - kind of like that actor who plays "House"
Always. I can't type without it. nm
nm
I had to type it in...
the address bar but could not find the Pantene link to click on.
It's 3 a.m. to type or not to type
Need some ideas about insomnia. Don't want to take those sleeping pills. I used to begin work at 3 a.m. and worked split. But, recently changed to day because I found if I got a good night's sleep my line count and disposition was better. Lucky to get day because it takes a lot of years usually to get it. But, now I find myself up at 3 anyway and for the last 2 hours have been surfing the net, mostly here and e bay. I know that if I typed some now I would be no good during the day and not get my usually good line count during the day that I usually get. BTW: Today is my day off, but I still plan to work and obviously hyper because I can't sleep now. Any suggestions on how to get off this overnight shift pattern? Been doing this insomnia overnight thing for about 2 years, and I like the quiet (3 kids and a husband) in the middle of the night, but worn out.
Please suggestions for an insomnia. And forget the warm milk, please YUK LOL. Thanks for your help. Maybe with your suggestions in a week or so I can get off this 3 a.m. pattern. TIA.
If you don't type why are you here?
Just leave!!!!!!
anybody out there ever type
What are the rules you apply to yourself for taking sedatives and drinking while at work? Does happy hour ever start early?
Wow, when I type
for a typing test (trying to get a job), I get so nervous I can barely type and practically pass out. Any tips on how NOT to do that.
I could never type 104 wpm anyway, but I type much worse when trying for a job. Gulp!
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