Received this email and made me laugh out loud! Hope it does you too! sm
Posted By: MQer on 2006-10-23
In Reply to:
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon :
> Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
>
> ************ **************
>
> On another Septic Tank Truck:
> "We're #1 in the #2 business"
>
> **************************
>
> At a Proctologist's door:
> "To expedite your visit please back in."
>
> **************************
>
> On a Plumber's truck:
> "We repair what your husband fixed."
>
> **************************
>
> On another Plumber's truck:
> "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
>
> ******************************
>
> At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
> "Invite us to your next blowout."
>
> **************************
>
> On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
> "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
>
>
> **************************
>
> At a Towing company:
> "We don't charge an arm and a leg.
> We want tows."
>
> **************************
>
> On an Electrician's truck:
> "Let us remove your shorts."
>
> **************************
>
> In a Nonsmoking Area:
> "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
> action."
>
> *************************
>
> On a Maternity Room door:
> "Push. Push. Push."
>
> **************************
>
> At an Optometrist's Office :
> "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
> place."
>
> ***********************************
>
> On a Taxidermist's window:
> "We really know our stuff."
>
>
> *************************************
>
> On a Fence:
> "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
>
> *******************************************
>
> At a Car Dealership:
> "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
>
> ***********************************
>
> Outside a Muffler Shop:
> "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
>
> **************************
>
> In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
> "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
>
> **************************
>
> At the Electric Company :
> "We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
> However, if you don't, you will be."
>
> ******************************************
>
>
> In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
> "Drive carefully. We'll wait. "
>
> ************************************
>
>
> At a Propane Filling Station ,
> "Thank heaven for little grills."
> *******************************
>
> at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
> "Best place in town to take a leak ."
> 
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You made me laugh out loud!!!! nm
nm
That was a real Laugh out Loud! Thanks so much!
nm
I am so sad today, can't even work. I received an email sm
this morning from my son's father (we share custoday with him having physical custody) that my son will not be coming home for the summer. I can't argue with him or take him to court because he is my son's soul provider right now. I can't go into why, when, where, etc. Long story...
My son is still very young. We've waited all year for him to come home for the summer. He lives 1,000 miles away. He has 2 other siblings here.
He is just being spiteful. I spoke with my son a few nights ago and he was so excited about coming here. He wants to live here full time, but his dad won't let him. Now, his dad is keeping him from even coming down for the summer because he's so afraid that my son won't want to go back home.
So, because of one selfish person, we all have to suffer - me, my son, his siblings, his stepdad. It's the most difficult situation ever to have to be in. And there isn't anything I can do about it but pray that he change his mind!
So cute. Received this email about kids and the sea. sm
Subject: Kids thoughts on the Ocean-cute
CHILDREN'S THOUGHTS ON THE SEA
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
A dolphin breaths through a butthole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)
I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)
Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 8)
I saw SiCKO yesterday - it's a LAUGH-OUT-LOUD
very very eye-opening and it's truly laugh-out-loud funny, not terribly *political* in the sense that 911 movie was.....but REALLY really funny, interesting, and eye opening to say the least - best 2 hours I've had of late......
oh, it was 4:30 in the afternoon and the theater was full - I was surprised actually...and full of people of all ages, denominations, cultures, red state-blue state, et al.....all having an interest in what is going on here regarding healthcare.
TRULY not to be missed by all except children (who would get bored)!!
Leave your politics at home and go see Moore's best yet.....this is a human issue.......this particular movie.....
Received this today. If you want a good laugh, please read....sm
 Why God made moms answers given by elementary school age children
>>> to the following questions:
>>>
>>> Why did God make mothers?
>>> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
>>> 2. Mostly to clean the house.
>>> 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
>>>
>>> How did God make mothers?
>>> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
>>> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
>>> 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just
>>> used bigger parts.
>>>
>>> What ingredients are mothers made of?
>>> 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and
>>> everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
>>> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they
>>> mostly use string, I think.
>>>
>>> Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
>>> 1. We're related.
>>> 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
>>> moms like me.
>>>
>>> What kind of little girl was your Mom?
>>> 1. My M om has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
>>> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
>>> bossy.
>>> 3. They say she used to be nice.
>>>
>>> What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
>>> 1. His last name.
>>> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
>>> Does he get drunk on beer?
>>> 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
>>> to chores?
>>>
>>> Why did your Mom marry your dad?
>>> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
>>> lot.
>>> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
>>> 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
>>>
>>> Who's the boss at your house?
>>> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because
>>> dad's such a goof ball.
>>> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff
>>> under the bed.
>>> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to
>>> do than dad.
>>>
>>> What's the difference between moms and dads?
>>> 1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
>>> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
>>> 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real
>>> power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at
>>> your friend's. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without
>>> medicine.
>>>
>>> What does your Mom do in her spare time?
>>> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
>>> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
>>>
>>> What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
>>> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
>>> plastic surgery.
>>> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
>>>
>>> If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
>>> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
>>> rid of that.
>>> 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my
>>> sister who did it and not me.
>>> 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her
>>> back.
hydrogen peroxide tips - received via email and thought i'd pass on. see inside.
* This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana (a doctor's wife), and I
want to share it with you. She was over recently for coffee and smelled
the
bleach I was using to clean my toilet and counter tops. This is what she
told me.. I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little
ole
bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store.
What
does bleach cost? My husband has been in the medical field for over 36
years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide. Have you ever
smelled
bleach in a doctor's office? NO!!! Why? Because it smells, and it is not
healthy! Ask the nurses who work in the doctor's offices, and ask them
if
they use bleach at home. They are wiser and know better! *
**
*Did you also know bleach was invented in the late 40's? It's chlorine,
Folks! And it was used to kill our troops. Peroxide was invented during
WWI
in the 20's. It was used to save and help cleanse the needs of our
troops
and hospitals. Please think about this. *
**
*1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle)
and
hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when
I
bathe.) No more canker sores, and your teeth will be whiter without
expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. *
**
*2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of
germs. *
**
*3. Clean your counters and table tops with peroxide to kill germs and
leave
a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or
spray
it on the counters. *
**
*4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to
kill
salmonella and other bacteria. *
**
*5. I had fungus on my feet for years until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of
peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let
dry. *
**
*6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes
several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal
with
any medicine but was healed by soaking in peroxide. *
**
*7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and
keep
it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system
like
bleach or most other disinfectants will. *
**
**
**
*8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture
whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill
the
bacteria. Hold for a few minutes, and then blow your nose into a tissue.
*
**
**
**
*9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right
away,
put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes
several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly. *
**
*10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the
50/50
solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will
not
have the peroxide-burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages but more
natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, faddish, or dirty
blonde.
It also lightens gradually, so it's not a drastic change. *
**
*11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils,
fungus,
or other skin infections. *
**
*12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of
whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing,
pour
it directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and
rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary. *
**
*13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors. There is no smearing, which is
why
I love it so much for this. *
**
**
**
*I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be
without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way
to
save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner! *
**
*This information really woke me up. I hope you gain something from it,
too.
Pass it on! *
That made me laugh.
You are right about the gorgeous doc. My old OB doc years ago was so gorgeous. Beach bum, bleeched hair, dark skin and just gorgeous. I only saw him once. Not kidding. Couldn't go there.
I hope your hysterectomy goes well when you have it. My best friend had one 6 months ago, and fortunately she was able to have a vaginal hysterectomy and not abdominal. She was fine in a couple of weeks. Mainly just sore. Lots of good thoughts for you.
Made me laugh. When I go in for my
BP check, I will use that line, but will say it is my
husband's driving.
Thanks for the funny.
That made me laugh...
The image of 2 little girls standing there with switches in hand, crying after a fight...funny! Your dad was right on the money though, smart man!
Oh, you made me laugh!!!
Thanks for that. I can just picture myself doing that, too. 
Made me laugh...I like those panels but...
I think I'd like them for the living room. He doesn't like the light coming from behind the curtain.
What I have up blocking is that material you mentioned but I stapled it. I tried using sticky tack stuff (poster tack) but then I just stapled it one day. Maybe I'll try the Velcro.
And I did think maybe one day I would try to make the roman shades, I've seen patterns on craft shows.
thanks for the ideas and g/l with you nightowl.
you made me laugh Bella
When I read the subject line, I thought wow what a bad attitude that is, then I read your post and realized you must have mistyped it. LOL,. Sorry about the baby, it stinks when our babies are ill, especially at that young age when they cannot really tell us what the problem is.
LOL! This post made me laugh SO much.
I have been known for doing the creepy crawly dance myself. But picturing this in a public place full of people, well I just think that's hysterical! Thanks for sharing!
This one made me laugh because bear was one of the best
meals that I've ever had. One of our scout leaders is a hunter, and brought a bear tenderloin on one of our camping trips. He marinated it in Italian dressing and then cooked it over an open flame on a grate. It tasted very much like beef filet. He had enough for every boy in the troop to try a slice or two, and they all wanted more, including our VEGETARIAN scout! Our vegetarian actually hates veggies, so his diet is mostly bread and cheese. When we got back from the trip we told his mom, "Good news! Your son has decided that he likes meat. Bad news is, you're going to have start bear hunting!"
So, this is the only time I've had bear, and I'm sure the tenderloin is the mildest cut. But it was dee-lish quickly grilled with a simple marinade.
That made me laugh because my sister and I STILL say that SM
when we mean DIRECTIONS.
Once again, you made me laugh. Ever thought about being a comedian? sm
Acutally you all ready are, but how about professionally.
oh Texas girl, you made me laugh!
and i'm going to save this to send to people who need to see it!!
That picture made me laugh. My son lives with me and has a pit mix. This is what she would do to
my couch if left to her own devices. I see a couch and she sees raw materials to be dismantled and fashioned into her own comfortable nest. Thank God for crates. How can they be at once so lovable and so maddening?
This post made me laugh and then brought tears to my eyes...good for you!!!
I think that is great you went to the school. I'm guessing he will turn out just fine if he's got a mom like you! *Hugs*
Hope venting made you feel better...
The thing that struck me the most in your post is that you help a friend by listening to dictation. Is this during *your* work hours? If so, try not to answer the phone. I know, it sounds so simple, but if you have kids, this can be tough. Anyhow, if the friend asks why you are not answering, tell her you need to focus on getting lines so you can pay your monthly bills (stress this!). Maybe she will get the hint. I had to do this when a coworker called me constantly. I'm a sole income earner so can empathize. As for the friends working when they were asked not to, well, unfortunately, it is a supervisors/manager's job to handle. Hopefully s/he will take care of this. Good luck.
I know how it is...sometimes rather loud...sm.
but I do love when the boyz come by, pick up the guitars and we just rock the house!  Cat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTvlDFoIQKM
OH man, we are loud . . .
I came from a family of 8 children and my voices carries even at a whisper. It doens't help that I think transcription is making me deaf so I can't hear myself talk. I wish I could be quieter, I just have these big lungs and this big voice and it seems like we talk at a high roar all of the time. My husband and I were just talking about that this morning. We went out to eat last night and I found myself hushing my children and looking at the people around us staring at us as we had a very "normal, lively" dinner conversation!!!! YIKES.
Sent and received sm
I thought about not sending any but glad I did. I was also going to wait to see who sent to me and immediately write one to them. Then I realized how foolish this was, got out last year's list and sent to everyone, bought the extra stamps and don't care whether I get one in return. No newsletter, hate them! Just feel better that I did it and freed up from it! Merry Christmas!
Laughing Out Loud.
//
Laughed out loud sm
When I was in high school I workd at a Dairy Queen and we got soooo sick of people saying they wanted their order to go while at the drive-thru. One night (it was winter so we were quite slow) we were bored and decided to ask every customer if they wanted their order to go. We thought is was hysterical but some of the customers failed to see the humor. Not only a lot of sarcastic responses, but a couple of customers used a few words I can't repeat, which made it even funnier to us.
one meaning LOL=laughing out loud.....
Felt same way, but laughed out loud when
she grabbed her one ankle and put her hand behind her head...she was really funny but not a dance for a competition!
For crying out loud people...
it is a TV show. If most of you put the time and energy you spend here being moral police and put it to some good use in the world, think of the things you could accomplish! Sounds like there are a bunch of insecure women out there. Face it, there are beautiful women on this earth and every man looks at them, no matter how whipped and controlled he is. It is nature, men are visual creatures. Face it, would your man rather look at a pretty woman all dressed up or someone in sweats who does not care about her appearance? Good luck trying to keep your man under lock and key... a perfect way to lose them!
We are all in the same field - just get along for crying out loud!
Why such a division? The bottom line is that we all just want to communicate with people in the same field of work. This does not give anyone the right to slam the "other board" or certain people. Sounds like some of you just need to get a life.
i actually laughed out loud when i read that...
because it sounds so much like something I could do but i try to use a little bit of self control
buy a very loud outdoor dog that will not shut up???
x
Received none, but instead of giving one (sm)
which I planned on doing, after seeing something on the news about them, I just decided to give cold, hard cash (no complaints, btw). Anyhow, the news story said that stores profit greatly from them since people lose or forget about them, or buy more than the value of the gift card. So, I decided to just buy 50 one-dollar bills for my son's GF for a better effect LOL.
Not sure about check that he/she received
Did say that it was $1,200 which is what the person would have gotten from the IRS as the stimulus payment, so I'm not sure how it was received earlier than everyone else.
My family made home-made mozzarella,
and it was very good. I was pretty small at the time, so I don't remember the exact process, just that it was done pretty quickly, and a lot of milk was used.
I don't know if you'll save a lot of money making your own cheese. The cost of milk is very high, too, and you need a lot of milk to make cheese.
Mine does that weird loud crying
when she has her toy mouse- but it doesn't even have to be her mouse, it could be a milk jug lid thingy, but she walks around the house with it in her mouth and crying- it is the most mournful sound, I hate it. It makes me wonder if she thinks it is one of her babies?
She is the funniest cat. Her favorite thing to eat is french fries, and she chows the whole thing down. My other cat loves yogurt and you cannot eat yogurt in peace in my home.
Okay, I have actucally laughed out loud today. Thanks! nm
!
How many of you received gift cards....sm
and if you got them, were they to places you like to shop? (As for me, I got 4 of them, 1 of which is a Visa debit card that I REALLY love since it can be used anywhere!).
I just read a letter I received from the SM
ASPCA thanking me for my membership and devotion. The letter describes a gift they will be sending in appreciation.
They indicate a gift from "Miss Bea" will be comiing. They tell the story of this darling little dog who was locked in a closet with atrophied muscles from no exercise, etc. This dog was living with pounds of matter fur and living in urine and feces.
The letter went on to say that every time they go into the field to rescue an aminal people like me are with them.
I just needed to share this with you, and to urge you to donate to either the ASPCA or your local animal shelter in behalf of these defneseless animals. The level of cruelty and ignorance is apauling.
I am reduced to tears with emotion at this story, and the fact that I am so appreciated. Thanks for listening.
I recently received info
on ViaCord from registering at Babys R Us. I have heard of them before but not participated in such a thing myself. I'm sure they have information online or you could drop by any store and pick up a brochure. I have received it from other places too and this is the only one that I receive.
Best gifts given and/or received in the past? sm
I'd say my best gift I have ever given would have to be my DH's custom made leather wallet with his initials on it about 20 years ago. He is still using it to this day!! Cannot for the life of me remember how expensive or inexpensive it was then though but surely has tripled by now anyways, LOL!
Best gift I received wasn't actually Christmas gift. I would say it was gifts for MT week several years ago. We got a package from our MTSO with a gift to open for each day of the week. Small stuff but was a very nice gesture and tickled to have a new gift each day! Oh those were the good times...........
I received the vaccination for swine flu in the 70s
as I had two small children to care for and I got SO sick from the vaccine I thought I was going to die. Won't take a vaccination for it again. Would rather take my chances in not getting the flu.
Does anybody know the details of when this will be received for us receiving SS?
Know it will be paid in the same manner, i.e., direct deposit, as you receive normal SS check. But the timing is what I am asking about.
When deposited. Know it is to be done before end of May, but just wondering what order or whatever they are paying this $250.00.
I agree with that along with loud obnoxious ring tones.
Oh for crying out loud! Drink some warm milk and
ajd;d
Laughing out loud just thinking of Herman Munster. nm
!
LOL! OMG! I laughed out loud for the 1st time on this site - ever! hahahaha nm
nm
What a great topic! I just received an invitation that
stated "Regrets - and the phone number," so I assumed I did not have to call if I was coming. Thanks to all for putting me in my proper place and I will call tomorrow (because it is Easter today) and just confirm that I am attending. I had never received an invitation like that, so I am so happy I have you all to make sure my manners are in the right place!!!
Thanks and hugs!
If you were in my family, you wouldnt' have received a dime from me. nm
b
Go to eBay help and type in item not received
it will then give you an option to file a claim.
I received this from one of my interns...Merry Christmas!
’Twas the night before Christmas
And in MT town
Tired MTs were longing
To lay their keys down.
Their earphones were hung
On their skull caps with care
In hopes that new words
Wouldn’t bring them despair.
Some in their sweatpants
And some in their tights
Had just settled down
For a long evening’s type.
When over their headsets
The sounds were so jumbled
They couldn’t quite make out
The words that were mumbled.
They hit the fast forward
Reverse, stop and slow
Trying to make out
The message below.
They checked in their Dorland’s,
Drug books and spellers,
Some called class buddies
Or even asked their fellers.
If they had an inkling
Of what the tape said
Or why someone was trying
To mess with their head.
When no one could answer
They listened less quick
And suddenly knew
The "doc" was St. Nick.
Now he spoke very plainly
Since they needed to hear
For his message was urgent
As Christmas drew near.
It was quite simple
No long words to spell
Dictated but heartfelt
And clear as a bell.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
Best wishes and cheer
And thanks from Doc Santa
For your hard work all year
|
