Question for those who are married
Posted By: SM on 2009-06-23
In Reply to:
I've been married for almost 8 yrs. I remember that, when we were dating & first married one of the things I was most excited about (besides DH, of course) was getting to be an aunt to his nephews and nieces, since I didn't have any of my own. Sadly, I quickly found out that the only ones who seem to qualify as aunts and uncles in their family are the brothers & sisters. Inlaws don't get much respect. Now, I'm trying to teach my kids that the inlaws are just as much their aunts and uncles as the brothers and sisters are. When I was a kid, and even now, some of my favorite aunts and uncles were/ are actually the inlaws! Has anyone else experienced this, or am I just sensitive?
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I married the same man 3 times and still married to him.
Together for almost 29 years now. 
Married?
I get the idea this guy might possibly be married and living with his wife in another city. If you continue to see him, 2 months is no time to clamp down on him to ask him about where the relationship is going. You sound as if the situation desperate. If not married on his part (I probably would check this out really good)you give a man plenty of rope. If they care for you, they will be there like a little puppy dog, if not then you have your answer. Again check for a license.....Living in another city, seeing you once a week, sounds really like a hmmmmmmm to me.
Are we married to the same man?...sm
Im stuck in the same situation pretty much. My husband does very little to help me in any way, shape, or form except when it suits him. I do the bills, most of the housework (he occasionally puts up dishes and sweeps the kitchen), all the child care (for 3), make all the phone calls, etc., everything. When I want to go somewhere there is always a big deal made...when he wants to go somewhere (even when I NEED him here so I can work if I get behind) he will go. I almost NEVER get out of the house without one or all children (if I get out)...when HE wants to go somewhere he does not want any of them to come. I think those so wondeful marriages are few. All I think about is leaving, but the kids....they love him. You cant work with someone when they wont work with you. 
did she know how he was before she married him?
nm
I think we are married to the same man!!
Not only does my husband blow EVERYTHING way out of proportion, but he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder! I lie to my husband anytime there is an issue that I know will really upset him and his own mother backs me up b/c she knows how enraged he becomes. I too feel guilty but having peace in my home is far more important to me. He definately needs some counseling and probably a good anti-depressant. I think the tape recording idea is excellent and I have always wanted to try it myself. Maybe if we let them see how ridiculous they sound they will wake up to their behavior. I feel for you b/c I have been in the same boat for 9 years now. I just keep praying and keeping the faith that one day he will change.....before I have a nervous breakdown!!
Very much married but ....
my eyes know beauty when I see it!
We had 2 --- they were my DHs before we married - sm
The one was a pure-bred with champion lines, the other a puppy mill dog. As stated below they can live very long. The PB lived to about 14 before she got cancer and we put her to sleep when she got too sick; the other was 16 before she got sick too and had to be put to sleep when she got too sick too. The first one was a bit mean though, fine with adults but did not like kids to mess with her and would bite/nip if a kid got to close; luckily she never made contact but not for lack of trying. We had to muzzle her at the vet. Great watchdog though. The other one was quite a yapper and dumb as a stick but quite a sweet dog and very loving, ate everything in sight though and she ended up quite porky. Sweet dog though. They are good dogs and I would not mind having another some day.
If you are not married I don't think you can do that - sm
though I am not sure about that, but it makes sense. He could add any kids they had but not the ex-wife. (he would have to lie and say they were married I believe) Also if for some reason his job pays for it then he is getting off scot free, though there are probably not many jobs that pay for it in full now days (my DHs used to pay for it until about 2 years ago, and now we pay but only about $150 a month for a family of 4, so it is a steal, and very good insurance luckily). Personally I would not do it, he should just try to pony up and pay a little more each month to get current again (get a second job if he has to); $1K is not that far behind, what 2 months maybe? He can just work a little harder to pay her.
You married her son, right?
Then apparently her way of bringing up a child did not harm him, is that true or did you marry some dunce? I guess she might have a little sense- you have to re-educate her?
was it like this when you first married...
nm
but most of these are not actually married sm
The man usually only marries the first wife and the rest are not legal marriages.
yep...got married.
sheezh
Where did you get married?
A church, city hall, a park, on a beach, on a sailboat, a private home, a cabin in the woods, other? Was it in the U.S. or a foreign country?
I got married (eloped) in a chapel. It had 4 pews in it. Made in the U.S.A.
We got married
in the country by my husband's nephew's backyard pond. It was beautiful. I walked down on a long white aisle runner and stood under a decorated trellis. Wouldn't have traded an outdoor wedding for the world.
had to be married twice the same day.
Married at a beautiful,famous restaurant in the state of Kentucky. Lived in Cincinnati, Ohio, which is right across the bridge from Kentucky. At the last minute the rabbi said "I can't marry you there, I am not a licensed Rabbi in the state of Kentucky. We were married legally early in the morning at 8:00 am at the rabbi's house in Cincinnati where he was licensed as a rabbi, in his flannel shirt, his wife in her housecoat to witness the wedding, my hair had not been done yet by the hairdresser and was standing on end, so much for the groom seeing the bride 24 hours prior. At 12:00 noon the wedding progessed in Kentucky with 350 guests and 32 yards of chantilly lace in my gown, but we were already married. The ceremony was for show only.
I was married at 17 and had her...
and she was married at 17 and had the first of my grandchildren. I am now 48 and have 7 of them....all is well and it's true, grandkids ARE better than your own! You can send them home when you are done spoiling them. BTW, both my daughters are done having kids, so that's it for me!
When I was married, my ex said..
...he was glad I didn't call all the time like some of the other men's wives did where he worked. We worked similar hours so I really didn't have the opportunity and neither did he to be on a telephone. When we separated though, he brought up the fact that I never called him and didn't sound interested the rare instance when he called me. Go Figure! I called if there was something that simply wouldn't wait until he got home and vice versa! I've never used the telephone like lots of people, even as a teenager. Do better with letters and cards, dinosaur that I am, and love email. My daughter lives about 1-1/2 hours away. She and I went on a short 3-day vacation when she and her fiance were engaged. He called 3-4 times a day and I became pretty irritated, even though I tried not to show it. I try to leave them alone to live their life and wish he would let us enjoy each other once in a while. She and my granddaughter came one evening to my house recently and we went to dinner and a gymnastics meet. They were here about 5 hours total and he called 3 times during that time!! Feels like he does not trust her. 
mostly yes (still married now x27 yr)
Would you ever date/marry.....
someone who is less educated than yourself?
I did. I had 2 yr of college, husband left school in 8th grade (to professional sport).
someone of a different race?
I've dated people of several different races. If all else was right, probably would.
someone whose parent's are divorced?
depends upon the sticktuitiveness of the person, and their moral compass.
someone who has bad credit or alot of bad debt?
Probably not, unless there were good explanations.
someone who is overweight or obese?
yes.
someone who affliates or supports a different political party than yourself?
Yes.
someone who is rude to customer service staff?
My husband was often rude and arrogant. Its not a good quality, but he has changed and so, I might do it again (if I were younger).
someone who talks a longtime on their cell phone when you are eating?
Probably not. That kind of inconsideration may be too hard to change.
someone who enjoys a different genre of music?
yes, mate does now.
someone who does not enjoy the same leisure activities as yourself?
yes, you don't have to do everything together. If you have the same morals, life goals, and some things you enjoy together, that would be sufficient.
someone who is a very picky eater or someone who is a vegeterian/vegan and you are not?
yes.
someone who prefers to spend leisure time alone or with friends (without you)?
Maybe not, unless it was a lesser part of of lesisure time spent away from me.
.....
not married but
met my fiance at a yard sale!
I was married outside the
Catholic church, and then later had my marriage sanctioned by my priest, after returning to the Catholic church. No problem. Does not matter where or if you were married at a different church first. My husband, who is not Catholic, just had to agree to raise our children Catholic. I would recommend your daughter and her Fiance consult a different priest at a neighboring parish, or possibly even contact your Diocese and express your concerns to the Bishop. I bet this would not be the first complaint on this priest. What this priest is asking of them them is not typical or normal of the Catholic Church. Sounds like he is on a power trip. Good luck!
bern
Are you sure they were acutally married??
Are you sure they actually got married? Now THAT would be a shocker. Wasn't he the one who dated all the beautiful high-maintenence women, and the one he picked was the kind of air-head blonde? I didn't know they actually were married. Where did you hear that? Wow...
Yes - the wedding was on TV, he married
he did marry the air-head, he called her princess.
Actually I am happily married
I have experienced this though with my in-laws. Grandmother divorcing grandfather as a matter of fact. She said she did not want my husband, nor I, nor my children talking to him simply because she was tired of him. She now calls him herself. But with such loss in our family grandparent-wise, I just did not think it was fair to the children to cut off yet another superb figure in their life. So, whatever their problem was belonged to them, not Pop-Pop and my children. It is just so often that children suffer in this manner. Family members just yanked from their lives because the parents have a hang-up. It just sounds like more of a jealousy issue on the mother's part in this case. Maybe she has a hard time accepting the fact that her ex has these girlfriends and her only pawn are the children. It happens over and over again. I am not a product of divorce, but my husband is and believe me it is no lie that children suffer even into adulthood for that matter. I just think that we as women need to be above this type of nonsense. Unless there are founded facts that the girlfriend is abusive in some manner, then why shouldn't she be allowed to call? Oh well, mute subject, I guess. I just feel bad for the children. Have a nice day!
How Long Have You Been Married?
My hubby did that after we were married about a year or so. He just liked my stuff, i.e., lotions, body wash, etc...He was my Ken doll; I would "dress him up," fix his unruly, naturally curly hair, buy his shaving cream and cologne, etc...Since we would shower together, he would wash with what I washed with (usually Sun-Ripened Raspberry!) and if I took a shower before him, he would yell and ask where my body wash was. Before we got together, he washed his body with shampoo instead of soap/body wash. Men like to do that for some reason.
However, since that started soon after being married, I didn't think it was worrisome; just cute.
I, personally, wouldn't worry, but I don't know your husband.
I'm married and don't have kids, so
I'm sure people are very curious as to why I don't have kids. And yet, very few people are bold enough to ask me since they don't know if I've been unable or what the problem is. Maybe they feel free to ask why you aren't married because getting married seems to be going out of style or something, and they really want to know why married people are the minority now.
Only had 1 boyfriend and I married him
Starting dating at 15, got married when I was 20. I was always too shy to talk to boys ;-)
Our son just got married in May and I bought
Regularly $129.00 and I paid $35.00 for it, so it is not necessary to pay a lot of money, the sales are out there. The colors were blue and gray and I wore a darker pink dress (not bright) and it worked out really well. I am a larger sized woman and the dress looked very nice in my size. I wish you the very best.
Oh, thanks but happily married - but usually I
do not see a guy who makes my head turn such as the case when I was there. I don’t touch but darn, sure did look!!!
Some women go only with married men
I am totally not surprised at what you said. I have an ex-coworker and she goes with a married man, does not care and would not have it otherwise. She cares nothing about marrying him so this is not uncommon for women not to care-and the other way as well. Unlike the other posts above, this man is saying he no longer loves her. I probably would think, other woman, in a case like this. If I knew no one around, I would probably want to be closer to my family. A cheating man never ever changes- they might lie low for awhile but yours has not changed and gosh darn, I would never want to be with someone who caught a disease- he might bring something home that a shot just doesn’t work for! There are really good guys out there that will love and treat a woman right, don’t have to settle for someone who professes not to love you. Why beat a dead horse and stay because of kids. Not this lady.
Yes, I married one, and he's from NY. Go figure! LOL
x
My BF in the world is getting married... again sm
I love her to death, but she is going into her 3rd marriage. She has only been dating the guy 7 weeks. She has known him for about 7 months. She has 2 absolutely wonderful kids. They are my kids best friends as well. I have been married for "almost" 20 years. I don't quite get the "changing husband thing." I don't know what it would it be like to NOT be married to my husband....admittedly and I have no intention of finding out.
I guess what I am trying to say is this..... I love her to death. I am afraid she is jumping into the river instead of over it. She has 2 kids, he has 4. He was married for 18 years and just got a divorce. She was married for 4 years and just got a divorce. (Both of their divorces in the last 8 months). I am worried she is jumping into something. I know she can handle it fine. BUT, my 2 "adopted" kiddos do not need another failure. They need stability. They come stay with me as much as possible but still, they worry. They talk to me. Their mom is fine with that. But I guess..... i am just worried. sorry this is long
Agree. I am not married but if I was I would
never allow my spouse to treat any of my family members like that. It is just wrong.
If I had a spouse who was acting like that I would probably try to find out what the problem was and possibly try to get things worked out so that there would be harmony. But if that was not possible I would expect at the very least that when we were with family he would be cordial and pleasant and keep his negative bs to himself.
I have been married almost 20 years
and have a very good relationship with my in-laws. My MIL is not my "best friend" but we are close. It is the little things she does that drive me crazy, but also make me love her as well. DH has 1 sister and she is a wonderful person. We are very different and if we were not related we would most likely not be "good friends" but due to our circumstances we have become very close. We vacation together and if not careful can talk for hours on the phone. I have been very blessed with my family. The same goes for my family, they adore my DH. Have always said "If you two ever divorce, "K" can come home. LOL
I'm not - been married 13 years and still (sm)
act like I'm a visitor who they just allow to hang around. MIL is the queen bee and gets to host every event. On mother's day, she is always the guest of honor, even though I am the one still raising children. So many things I could say..but I'll stop now.
Also, because he is married to me, not the house (nm)
x
I'm married, but I travel alone often.
My DH and I have different ideas about what is fun. After a few years of trying to make joint vacations work, trying to compromise, and trying to love what the other one loves, we've decided that separate trips are better for us. Even our honeymoon was a disaster! LOL I'm the outdoors type, and would rather camp and backpack, and he's a serious track and field competitor who thinks that a great vacation is a week of running in competitions. We both like history and museums, so what we do is sprinkle weekend getaways here and there in our lives. But he couldn't do a week in the woods with me, and I can't stand sitting next to the track waiting for him to run.
I've done all sorts of week-long trips by myself, and I highly recommend it. The first time you do it, you might feel a little nervous, but gradually, as you relax and enjoy yourself, your confidence builds up. I happen to travel without groups, but my mom has been widowed since 1983 and has done lots and lots of guided trips around the world. She loves traveling that way. Pays one price and everything is planned. She meets new friends and sees wonderful places.
Get out and see the world! You'll love it! And if anyone wants to share info about Ireland, I'd love to hear it. My son is planning a "tramping" trip to Ireland, backpacking and staying at hostels.
The way I read it is that her son got married, no?
.
Yes..sounds like her son got married to
me as well.
I think according to how long you have been married
your husband might be responsible for carrying your insurance further OR if you have been on his insurance and have hepatitis C, you can still get insurance with another because insurance can be portable. A new company should not turn you down because of a preexisting condition. My daughter fits into this category and I first had Cobra on her until she went to work (early 20s) and now she has her own insurance at her job. It can be done.
Please tell me, is either 1 of these people married
Either Helio or his dancing partner?
I also got married there- as far as shows
I loved Jubilee at Harrah's(this is topless at later show) and have seen Barry Manilow, George Wallace lately along with George Carlin- the Cirque shows play at 4 places, the Venetian, Bellagio, Treasure Island and the Mirage, I believe. A lot of the shows close around Christmas and they also have blackout nights during the week. I would check on line to see who is playing the week you will be there. Jubilee is there all the time whereas other entertainers in and out. I thought the Bay was sorta expensive place to stay?
Have been married a little over 20 years and
couldn't be happier. We knew after just a month of dating that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We married a year later and have never had any major problems what-so-ever. We renewed our vows at 10 years (just the two of us at a small chapel) and then at 20 years did the same thing but included our children. This man is truely a gift from God. He does not have a temper, he has incredible patience, and is a wonderful father. I just wished he liked yardwork a little more. LOL!
Happily married
We've been married just short of 17 year and have two daughters. We were engaged after 3 months. He's a great husband and father and he helps with all the housework including laundry and always has a project in the works. He doesn't like to sit still for a second. Granted there are a few things I might change (LOL), but not many.
Was married to a man with zero drive sm
I mean, he seemed to have some drive in the very beginning, but after about a year he seemed to have no drive at all! He would constantly complain about being tired...even after spending the entire weekend asleep on the couch. He took antidepressants and it didn't help. He took sleeping pills to help him sleep more deeply, didn't help and it wasn't so he would be "up" for fun either. Hottie lingerie didn't work. NOTHING WORKED.
We are divorced for some years. When my oldest child was a teenager and would stay over at dad's with the new wife, he frequently heard his stepmother whine to his dad about always been too tired for relations and he didn't seem interested in it at all. I thought...mmm...same argument new wife! It wasn't me!!!
I have talked to enough of my friends to understand that some men lose interest or perhaps they lack any kind of a drive anymore. This is why my friends and I all agree that you need a younger man so that when his interest peeters out you'll be slacking off too. LOL
Being married to a recovering
alcoholic (he was an active alcoholic for 15 of the 30 years we've been married), 1 drink is too many in my book. JMO
We got married on our property...
just a little ceremony with a few friends and the pastor. We have 15 lovely acres of land and were married near the barn. Everytime we walk past that spot we stop, say I do, kiss and walk on. If we ever leave here we will take some of the dirt with us as a fine memory.
Were you saying, "Go, go!" I was and I am married!
Makes you crazy.
My daughter was married...sm
I got married out of fear. Then (sm)
I stayed married out of fear. Then he bought me a GPS and now I'm adventurous. Not being able to navigate was one of my biggest fears. Another fear was not having money. The way he spent our money, we never had any anyway.
Married, none in probably 2 years or more. NM
,
I would have never married my husband. nm
nm
How many times have you been married?
How many times have you been married?
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